You have said in recent weeks that everyone in the Empire must soon return to work in person. I’m afraid I have to disagree. Staying at home for at least another year, whether the pandemic continues or not, will boost our efforts to crush the Rebellion. As commanding officer of your flagship, I’ve deliberated this for months and consulted numerous experts to draw the following conclusions, which I’m sure will convince you once you see the logic behind them.
Key Performance Indicators We’ve outdone Emperor Palpatine’s expectations despite the challenges of the pandemic. For example, even without running into your minions in the hallway, you’ve choked 253 underperforming stormtroopers, almost triple what the Emperor had set as a goal. I do not doubt that your data is accurate since you know every corner of the galaxy, whether working remotely or not. If a rat snuck into the thermal exhaust port of the Death Star, your Sith Lord senses would catch it.
Uniforms You have expressed concern that the stormtroopers will lose their capacity to march in unison if they stay at home much longer. However, they have long bridled with resentment at your insistence that they conform. Indeed, getting rid of uniforms alone would improve the troops’ morale and save the Empire lots of money. For instance, you do not need to wear your black armor and life-support system over your prosthetic legs; as I understand it, from the bottom down, your attire has never served anything more than an aesthetic purpose. I recommend that you try communicating over a viewscreen in sweatpants someday. Then, you’ll see!
The Ewok Issue While accidents have happened during our long-distance communications, we can overcome such obstacles. You’re likely to remind me that a few months ago, a filter changed your image on a viewscreen so that you would resemble an Ewok. However, this did not keep you from attending the meeting or destroying five planet systems that day. Moreover, your new appearance made you more relatable and popular with the troops; I hope that you now have compassion for me when I am (as you often call me) “clumsy” and “stupid.” Please note that I’ve become familiar with the account settings on your viewscreen, so if your image resembles an Ewok again, I’ll be able to change it into that of a more professional stormtrooper Ewok instead.
Online Training You have questioned me about the efficacy of our online stormtrooper training program, noting that many students have been avoiding work by snacking at home, skimming through blaster strategy lessons, and sending their friends holograms of the Emperor roasting Ewok meat with his Force Lightning. Also, when one of my lieutenants sent you a hologram update in which a child ran screaming onto her lap, saying, “I NEED my LEGO starship now!” you were understandably frustrated. However, you did solve that problem by choking them both to death on the spot.
Meanwhile, since we always kill or abandon our difficult children in order to prioritize the needs of the Dark Side, we have an advantage over our opponents: homeschooling does not take as much energy from us. I predict that if the Empire continues working remotely post-pandemic, the parents that comprise the Rebellion will collapse into nervous breakdowns within another year at most. We will thus decimate our enemies without having to waste a single laser.
Showdowns We can make our duels with Jedi knights more convenient. Historically, many of these have occurred in harrowing locations: amid tumbling trees, reactor shafts, rivers of lava, and so on. Yet, the Jedi always come to us, which means we could be choosing where to face them one to one. By working from home, you can look forward to battling your enemies in your bedroom, where the risk of falling off a ledge into an abyss is nearly nonexistent.
You must see now why we must work from home for longer. Tomorrow, if you have questions, I am happy to discuss with you over a viewscreen, in my full military attire, of course.
One of my employees has been performing pretty poorly for a while. I’ve met with him and given him feedback, but it hasn’t worked. This afternoon we were scheduled to meet again, where I was planning to draw a harder line. Then he sent me a really rude, sarcastic, inappropriate email this morning.
I’ve already been feeling frustrated with this employee and his failure to improve and lack of accountability, and I guess the email just pushed me over the edge. When we met in the afternoon, I totally lost my temper and yelled at him. I think I was totally out of line. He failed to take responsibility for his performance and was continuing to defensively litigate every point with me throughout our meeting–which only made me more mad.
I know that I screwed up. I intended to draw a firm line, but instead I lost my temper and flipped out. Not okay. But I’m not sure how to deal with it. All of my feedback for him is still true–I just really, really should not have yelled at him. I feel like I owe him an apology, but I’m not sure whether that would just be further muddling the process in an attempt to make myself feel better. (I already apologized towards the end of our conversation, at which point I already felt a pit in my stomach about having yelled at him.) If I do apologize to him, I’m not sure how to frame it, especially since he still has pretty serious performance issues which I’m not sure are going to improve.
I also wonder what our meeting should have looked like. I’m guessing I should have very clearly, very calmly laid out the issues with his work, explained the potential consequences, given him a chance to respond, and then ended the meeting. Which was sort of my plan, but I think I wasn’t prepared for how mad I felt.
I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.
Dangerous Drug Interactions: The People’s Pharmacy Guide
Graedon
1999
Submitter: This was probably a good book for a library in 1999. It is definitely out of date now, plus the last circulation date was 2014. The book is a bit confusing because you would need to read very carefully about a specific drug on multiple pages and chapters to be sure you gathered all the information you needed. Just as an example, the drug Digoxin is found on at least 20 different pages and multiple charts. It would probably be safer for a doctor and/or pharmacist to review your drugs and supplements to make sure there is no potentially dangerous interactions. I can’t imagine a person even using a book like this today where it would be much easier to google for information about a particular drug anyway.
Holly: I’m sure it was a good choice for a library when it was new, but there are so many more common drugs out there 22 years later that it’s missing a lot of important information. Too old for library use!
TO: Tim Cavanaugh, P.E., VP of Structural Engineering RE: Volunteering at the STEM Career Day at my son’s middle school
Hi Tim,
STEM Career Day at my son’s middle school was a huge success! Who would have thought kids would be so excited to discuss structural engineering concepts with a boring old engineer like me? They immediately waved their friends over to my exhibit as soon as I started describing linear elastic deformation in steel shafts — and perked up even more as I wrote Hooke’s law on the board:
Force = Stiffness Factor * Extension
In simple terms, I explained that pulling on a shaft always increases its length.
Then I showed them how the Stress Formula is used to calculate the load that the shaft can handle:
Stress = Force / Area
One bright boy then asked me to clarify why thicker shafts are better. I explained that a larger girth has a larger radius of gyration and makes a shaft more resistant to bending. Final result: a very stiff rod.
I couldn’t contain my enthusiasm teaching them that exceeding a steel shaft’s elastic limit results in permanent plastic deformation. More questions about plastic behavior resulted in a detailed description of necking. The kids were fascinated to hear that, after a lot of tension, once necking begins, yielding is sure to follow.
As the size of the crowd increased, I introduced my master’s thesis topic: sheet metal roofing. A very nice boy asked me about ribbed steel — the very subject of my recent article in ASCE Civil Engineering Magazine. I must have been grinning ear to ear as he astutely asked, “So would you say that ribbed increases your pleasure?” Heck, yeah, it does!
By now, every single kid in the auditorium was at my table! I wanted to end with a bang, so I finished with a demo on hardening steel shafts. The crowd went wild as I fired up my blow torch and showed them that once things get really hot, you can quench the shaft by submerging it in a lubricating oil. Ta-da: shaft hardening!
But by far, my proudest moment was at the end. The kids begged me to come back next year. I told them I would come over and over again! There is nothing more rewarding than turning kids on to the joys of the noble profession of engineering. My son was nervous that I would embarrass him, but I am happy to say I proved him wrong! As they left the auditorium, you should have heard those kids chanting my name!
Best regards, Woody Johnson, P.E. Senior Structural Engineer
Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN) episode 190: Fear and Loathing in Vegas Stakes. The Nerd has set out to Last Vegas with his trusted attorney to review some of the worst games imaginable... in a parody of the book/film Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. The Nerd reviews Vegas Stakes (SNES), Vegas Dream (NES), Caesar's Palace (GEN), Road Runner's Death Valley Rally (SNES), and of course the heaviest trip of all... LSD Dream Emulator (PS1).
Good morning. As our wet pattern continues we’re in for another rainy 24 hours across the Houston region. But these moderate to heavy showers should fall mostly on the beneficial side of impacts, helping to blunt our emerging drought, rather than provoking significant flooding. Therefore we are lowering our Flood Scale alert to Stage 1.
The primary area of concern today and tonight will be areas southwest and south of Houston, closer to the upper-level low that has been responsible for this wet pattern. Areas south of Interstate 10 could see an additional 1 to 3 inches of rain today, with isolated higher totals, while areas north of there should see less. Some parts of the region may see a break in the showers later this afternoon before a final slug of rainfall this evening and overnight. Rain showers should end by sunrise on Sunday, or shortly thereafter.
NOAA rain accumulation forecast for now through Sunday morning. (Weather Bell)
Our region’s bayous and waterways should be able to handle these kinds of rains, but under slow-moving storms we may still see some streets briefly flood. Bear that in mind if you venture out far from home today. If you’re holding out hope for outdoor activity this weekend, Sunday should be a good bet. I expect skies will turn at least partly sunny during the afternoon hours, with highs in the mid-80s.
If this forecast changes, we’ll update accordingly.
Sports team mascots have evolved in recent years. Historically, they’ve been icons that attempt to convey values that the team hopes to represent to fans (especially young ones): some mix of toughness, friendliness, confidence, and resilience, all wrapped in fur and foam, the family-friendly face of what it means to root for the franchise. Some mascots are more or less human. Ragnar the Viking, who enjoyed a long run with the Minnesota Vikings until he priced himself out of the job in 2015, was just a dude on a motorcycle; Pittsburgh’s Steely McBeam is a giant, cartoonish character who is nonetheless identifiable as a person. Other mascots hail from the animal kingdom, like the Houston Texans’ Toro or the Chicago Bulls’ Benny the Bull, while…View Original Post
Christopher Blay and Christina Rees on a show that deconstructs our public-facing identities, a Hill Country show featuring 50 years of a Texas printmaker’s history, and a Dallas show featuring some deceptively sublime imagery.
“The artist pretty much documents how humans are killing the Earth.”
Last week’s Top Five with Brandon Zech and Christina Rees featured Text writ LARGE in Dallas, musicians interpreting art in Austin, and a must-see show in Corpus Christi. To watch the video, please go here.
“Heyd Fontenot’s exhibition, Sacred Order of Eternal Wounds, delves into the myth of American identity to explore the politicized topics of gender, sexuality, queer identity, and what the artist calls ‘the false-promise of comfort-in-conformity.’ Fontenot is well-known for his stylized and delicate nude portraits. This exhibition debuts new visual experiments in figuration, illustration, and decoration in a series of mural-scaled paintings.”
“Karen Navarro’s The Constructed Self is the Houston-based photographer and multimedia artist’s first solo exhibition at Foto Relevance. A vivid and even more tactile expansion of the artist’s earlier portfolio El Pertenecer en Tiempos Modernos (Belonging in Modern Times), Navarro’s The Constructed Self realizes meditations on self-representation and identity through dynamic photosculpture configurations. Disrupting photography’s traditional two-dimensional presentation, these colorful new works come assembled in a multitude of ways—some stacked and spinning, others paneled and puzzled together.”
“The Dallas Museum of Art presents Concentrations 63: Julian Charrière, Towards No Earthly Pole, the first US solo museum exhibition for the multidisciplinary French-Swiss artist. Julian Charrière creates work that bridges the realms of environmental science and cultural history. Based on scientific research and expeditions to remote regions of Earth, his sculptures, photographs, and films investigate the irreversible transformation of the natural world by human activity. Charrière references pre-human origins, global explorers of the past, present-day climate change, and the uncertain future of the planet. While his works address environmental exploitation, they also emphasize nature’s magnificence and resilience.”
“The May 1 MayDay Celebration at Tiemann Art Gallery features 28 works by San Antonio artist and educator Gloria Sanchez Hart. Mexican born, living in San Antonio since 1989, she has a Master degree in printmaking. Her artwork has been extensively exhibited in Mexico. In 1990 she exhibited at the UNAM campus in San Antonio, and in 2006 at Ado Gallery in Kumamoto, Japan. In 2010 she had a retrospective celebrating 40 years of printmaking at Stone Metal Press in San Antonio’s Blue Star Arts Complex. In 2013, she was Artist in Residence at the Guanlan Printmaking Base in Shenzhen, China.”
“Visual artist Jamal Cyrus, arts organizer, curator, and writer Peter Lucas, and DJ and musicologist Jason Woods (aka DJ Flash Gordon Parks) spin vinyl records from their personal collections, selected especially for a communal outdoor experience. Music is important to the personal lives and creative processes of these three figures in Houston’s creative community; for this event, they come together for the simple, healing act of collective listening.
“The concert will take place on the Menil’s south lawn. Please bring your own picnic blankets or lawn chairs; seating is available on a first-come, first-served basis. Guests are required to abide by the museum’s COVID-19 safety protocols by maintaining social distance (at least 6 feet between each household) and wearing a face mask that covers your nose and mouth unless eating or drinking. Additional green space policies apply. Further information regarding accessibility and parking can be found here.”
This book features a dangerous theme of a hijacking bringing together our hero and heroine. At the time this was published, airplane hijackings were in the news all the time. It was almost a joke at the time. No doubt this book would have been the very definition of a contemporary romance.
Childhood pals Alex and Jenny dreamed of careers in medicine. Jenny is a nurse and Alex is a newly minted intern. Jenny worked in orthopedics and when Alex rotated into her service, she noticed he had turned into a jerk with a God complex. (big surprise) Jenny called him out and the next thing you know he is calling her “one of those bra burning women that want to be men.” Jenny dumped this “smug tyrant” and now dreaded telling her family that the relationship was done.
Jenny’s friend Toby was a flight attendant (back in the day that was stewardess) and she scored some tickets for a charter flight for Jenny and Alex so they could head home to Miami for a vacation. Of course, the plane was hijacked and a man was shot. The plane set down on a deserted island near the Bahamas. As medical personnel Jenny and Alex had to work together to save the people and out smart the madman hijacker. Alex and Jenny forgot why they were arguing and decided that the relationship was back on. Alex was still a jerk.
Zoë Roth was just 4 when her dad took a picture of her standing in front a burning house. That photo launched uncounted memes, and now the original copy has sold at auction as a nonfungible token.
We’re thrilled to announce that the fires have been stoked, the pools of blood refilled, and the harpies’ talons sharpened. That’s right, after being shuttered for over a year, Hell is finally reopening!
It’s been a long quarantine, and we’ve missed hearing your anguished cries ring through our depths. For safety reasons, our gates have been closed to all but the staff and Satan. Our concern was it would be difficult to detect an outbreak of coronavirus in Hell; many of our punishments already cause shortness of breath, pain in the chest, and an impending sense of doom. So we made the tough choice to close up shop and only offer virtual purgatory. But with most of our staff finally vaccinated (Pfizer), we feel confident that the anguish experienced by our residents will be non-COVID related. (Full disclosure: Cerberus has not been vaccinated, as it was determined unlikely that dogs carry the virus.)
I know that some of you will continue to torture at home for the coming months. We understand, and we hope that you will soon feel comfortable joining us in Hell. Our ferryman Charon is masked and eager to begin reluctantly transporting you to your CDC-approved damnation. We’ve even rearranged the splintered wooden benches so that passengers crossing the river Acheron sit six feet apart.
The centaurs have been working tirelessly to sanitize the giant boulders used by the avaricious and the miserly. Big shout out to them for getting the Fourth Circle set to go!
We do have some new best practices for souls being tormented in the pits of Hell, which we ask you to respect:
For all circles: Minos, our awesome evil-assessor, will have to wipe down his serpentine tail in between squeezing and passing judgment on each soul. This means there may be more of a wait to be assigned to your circle, so please be patient with us.
In the Fifth Circle, we have provided the wrathful with extra-long spears with which to fight each other. Be advised that the swamp of Styx is longer than it is wide, so for social distancing, you may need to head downstream before you battle.
For the burning of the violent, we have converted the shared fire chambers in the City of Dis into individual fire studio apartments.
Unfortunately, we are unable to resume the practice of allowing the Eighth and Ninth Circle patrons to gnaw viciously upon each other’s flesh. We’re bummed about it, but there’s just not a safe way to allow you to perform this feast of mutual revenge. We are looking into getting more dogs to provide for those who still wish to be gnawed.
This is a brave new Hell, and we’re glad you’re part of it. Shoot us an email with any ideas and suggestions, and we’ll respond within a week by dragging your cursed soul back to the infernal realm. We are grateful to get back to doing what we love: torturing you!
Rumor has it Calibri is already working on its goodbye note. [credit:
Nathan Mattise ]
In tech, all good defaults (that aren't the Mac startup chime, at least) must someday come to an end. Today, Microsoft announced its Office font since 2007—the everyman sans serif, Calibri—would soon join Clippy, Internet Explorer, and the Windows 8 Start button in the big Windows graveyard in the sky.
"Calibri has been the default font for all things Microsoft since 2007, when it stepped in to replace Times New Roman across Microsoft Office," the Microsoft Design Team opined in Calibri's de facto obit. "It has served us all well, but we believe it's time to evolve."
Microsoft is now on the hunt for tech's next great default font. Rather than going the reality competition route and opening up the search to any old handwritten font family, the company has commissioned five custom fonts that will now vie for this cushy gig.
Human connection was the magic of the weekend. It was the theme of Lacey Dorn’s performance Friday, and Alexandra Grant’s talk on Saturday. Alexandra Grant’s warmth and accessibility over the four days of the fair was a delightful surprise. Her talk about the three pillars of love (self, our family, others) and mentoring young artists, with the train clanging in the background (a ubiquitous sound of Marfa), makes Ochi Projects on Instagram worth watching.
Anyone who has attended a festival in far West Texas has experienced the instant camaraderie and easy connection with strangers over a shared passion for music, film, poetry, agave, and architecture. This held true for art-world participants who traveled here April 22-25 for the United States’ first post-vax, in-person art fair.
Alexandra Grant, “I was born to love (2),” 2021. Neon, acrylic and oil paint on shaped wood, 52 x 38.5 x 4 in. At Ochi Projects (LA/Sun Valley).
Theodora Allen, “Monument #4,” 2018. Oil and watercolor on linen, 67 x 57in. At 12.26 Gallery (Dallas)
Michael St. John’s work in the booth of Bill Arning Exhibitions (Houston)
Josh Sperling, “Marfa Squiggle Wall,” 2020. Acrylic on Canvas, 85 X 158 in. Bill Brady Gallery (Miami)
Grant Levy-Lucero, “Thick and Chunky Sunset,” 2021. Ceramic, glazed. Night Gallery (Los Angeles)
Left: Alex Becerra, “City Girl (New York),” 2021. Oil on canvas, 60×48 in. Right: “Sola,” 2021. Oil on canvas, 60×48 in. Half Gallery (New York)
Jong Oh, “Folding Drawing #30,” 2021. Wood panel, paint, metal rod, 9 × 7 × 2 1/4 in. Lora Reynolds Gallery (Austin)
Jake Longstreth, Sand Canyon “(Pine 1) …The one w thickest trunk,” 2021. Oil on muslin, 84 x 120 in. Nino Mier Gallery (West Hollywood) special annex exhibition at Marfa’s Eugene Binder Gallery
Lacey Dorn, “RE-Connection Lab” performance
Nikki Maloof, “The red interior (view from my studio),” 2021. Oil on linen, 60×96 in. Nino Mier Gallery (West Hollywood)
Leyla Faye’s work on view at Half Gallery (New York)
Submitter: This book looked like a good choice back in 1991. However it has not circulated in some time. It’s pretty grubby with what I hope are just makeup stains. Some of the sketches are let’s say… Interesting.
Holly: Ummm…yeah. The Chinese Mask is definitely a no-go. Cultural appropriation is not cute. The back of the book (image below) says it’s the “most modern” on the subject. This is a series – I wonder what’s in the other volumes??
Dangerous Drug Interactions: The People’s Pharmacy Guide
Sports team mascots have evolved in recent years. Historically, they’ve been icons that attempt to convey values that the team hopes to represent to fans (especially young ones): some mix of toughness, friendliness, confidence, and resilience, all wrapped in fur and foam, the family-friendly face of what it means to root for the franchise. Some mascots are more or less human. Ragnar the Viking, who enjoyed a long run with the Minnesota Vikings until he priced himself out of the job in 2015, was just a dude on a motorcycle; Pittsburgh’s Steely McBeam is a giant, cartoonish character who is nonetheless identifiable as a person. Other mascots hail from the animal kingdom, like the Houston Texans’ Toro or the Chicago Bulls’ Benny the Bull, while…View Original Post
2. Karen Navarro: The Constructed Self 
4. Gloria Sanchez Hart: Retrospective: 50 Years of Printmaking
5. Sounds to Live By with Jamal Cyrus, Peter Lucas, and DJ Flash Gordon Parks
Make-Up Art
