This post, older coworker makes divisive comments about age, language tensions, and more , was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My older coworker makes divisive comments about age
Your recent post about a coworker talking about being older got me thinking about an issue I have always had with my team. There tends to be a lot of talk about age from the older members of the team who make comments like “were you even born when…” or “have you ever even heard of …” to the younger team members. I am in my 30s so this is not typically directed at me.
Today, two of our team members, “Jane” in her mid 20s and “Rita” in her early 50s, presented at a conference. Jane mentioned that she preferred a higher tech product like many in her generation. After that, Rita referred to “Jane’s generation” at least 20 times. She almost said it with an eyeroll, and it felt icky. I thought it put Jane’s professionalism into question, not to mention detracted from the value of the products that they were discussing, since they are not only for young people. My boss was at this presentation. Rita often comments on age, and I don’t think she means to be demeaning or exclusive.
My boss is extremely inclusive and very open to feedback. Creating a strong team culture is important to him. I think he has a bit of a blind spot here because he also makes these age comments, and I think it could be genuinely helpful to him if someone helped him see that these types of comments are divisive. Should I talk to my boss about this (the general team culture issue, not the conference presentation specifically) or leave it alone? I am also wondering if I am too sensitive to this; when I was in my 20s, I advanced quickly and always worried that people would see my age and think I was less capable so this is a particular peeve of mine.
You’re not being too sensitive. If it were one stray comment here and there, it might be worth just letting it go, but 20 comments in a conference presentation, complete with what sounds like a sneering tone? It’s worth saying something to your boss, especially since he cares about culture and feedback. He might think the comments are being taken as affectionate or all in good fun, and it’ll be useful to explain that they’re not.
For what it’s worth, it does sounds like Jane might have kicked this off by making a comment linking higher tech with younger people in the first place. Of course, that doesn’t justify Rita coming back with 20+ comments about it, and for all I know, Jane’s comment could have been supported by real data; there are indeed some actual generational differences and we don’t need to pretend that there aren’t. But I’d have that in the back of your head in case it gets mentioned (and it could be worth a quiet word with Jane too if you think her initial comment was off-base).
2. Employees feel left out when their coworkers socialize in another language
I am the supervisor of a team made up mainly of people who speak English as a second language, with primary languages all over the map. We have been tasked to assist another team which consists entirely of bilingual Spanish-English speakers, including a bilingual supervisor. Everyone involved speaks English well enough to understand work instructions and interactions in English. The problem is that the Spanish-speaking workers (who constitute the majority) conduct their social interactions in Spanish, both on the production line and on breaks. This makes those who don’t understand Spanish feel left out and paranoid now that they are all working together.
Because the problem is with social chit chat and is not (yet) causing problems with the work product, I am at a loss for how to navigate it. I definitely understand how taxing it can be to interact in a secondary language and the desire to relax and speak in your primary tongue when possible. But I also understand the morale issue of basically having a clique that is excluding others, and how this could escalate into something that is affecting the work by creating issues with retention and engagement. Is this just a case of not all coworkers will be buddies at break time, or is this a management issue that needs to be addressed? And if it’s the latter, how do I do that in an equitable, culturally considerate way?
The law actually takes this out of your hands and answers it for you: Legally, you can only prohibit employees from speaking in another language if it’s justified by a business necessity, like when they’re waiting on English-speaking customers or doing group assignments where an English-only rule will promote efficiency, or to allow a manager who only speaks English to monitor the performance of employees whose job involves communicating with others. But you can’t prohibit employees from speaking another language in casual conversation with each other, even if it’s making coworkers around them uncomfortable.
It might be worth explaining that law to your employees, and suggesting that if people want to talk with their colleagues in English at break time, they should initiate conversations in English with them … but if the issue is that they feel awkward when their colleagues are socializing with other people in Spanish, that’s something the law protects … and you might also point out that said colleagues are doing that because it’s easier/more relaxing to speak in their native language when they can, not because they’re deliberately trying to exclude others.
3. My references were glowing but I didn’t get the job — what happened?
I just went through a lengthy interview process for a job I was very qualified for. They requested references, which I gave, thinking an offer was imminent. They called my references, who all gave glowing reviews. I didn’t get the job. I’m both shocked and baffled (as are my references). Is this common? Why would they take the time to contact my references if they weren’t going to make an offer? Is it appropriate to ask them what the issue was?
Having your references checked generally does signal that you’re a finalist at the end of the process — but not necessarily that you’re the only finalist. It’s true that a lot of employers only check references on the person who they’re hoping to offer the job to … but plenty of other employers check them on their top two or three candidates as a way to help inform their final decision. Those reference checks aren’t just a pass/fail thing, but an additional way to genuinely learn more about candidates. That doesn’t have to mean bad things; nuanced, positive assessments of two excellent candidates’ strengths can still point to one being better suited to a particular position than the other.
It’s also possible that you were their top finalist and they checked your references intending to make an offer but then something else changed (an internal candidate emerged at the last minute, or a really outstanding external one, or the role changed because something on the team changed, or so forth).
It’s also possible that your references weren’t as glowing as you’d hoped — but keep in mind that doesn’t have to mean that one was negative; it could mean that a glowing reference mentioned something offhandedly as not being your strongest point (thinking it would be minor) and that happened to be an area really important to the hiring manager.
Because of all this, I wouldn’t ask them “what the issue was” since that sounds like you’re assuming something went wrong. But you can definitely ask for feedback in general and how you could have been a stronger candidate for the role.
4. Turning down a relocation offer
Last week I accepted a formal offer. I’m still waiting on the background check to finish before resigning and giving notice to my current employer, but I’m expecting to start my new position in a few weeks. This company has several offices, so during the interview process, I asked about relocation options, remote work, and collaboration between offices. I’ve been living in my current city ever since college, but I don’t want to “settle down” here, so my partner and I have been discussing relocating together for a while. This company told me that they would want me to start in the city where I currently live but that I would have more opportunities to relocate after a couple years (once I’ve acclimated to the company). Fine with me!
However, shortly after I accepted the offer to join their local office, they asked if I’d be willing to relocate to a very different part of the country for a year-long project (with the option to stay there permanently if I wanted to). If I accept this placement, they will increase my starting salary and assist with relocation expenses. Since I mentioned potentially wanting to relocate during the interview process, I feel like they’re trying to do me a favor, and I’m genuinely flattered that they think I’m the right person for this project! Unfortunately, even though I do want to relocate eventually, I’d never want to live in the specific location where they want me to go. I’m pretty sure I’d be miserable there, and my partner wouldn’t be able to move there with me. Although since we aren’t married, employers would probably be less sympathetic to the typical excuse “it doesn’t work for my family.” I know I sound picky, but this company does have offices in other locations that would be ideal for me, and there are very few locations I feel this strongly against.
Is there any way to gracefully turn down this opportunity while leaving the door open for future relocation elsewhere? I’ve heard that turning down opportunities like this can reflect poorly on you. My original offer is still on the table, but I just don’t want to shoot myself in the foot by turning down what they consider an “amazing opportunity” for vague “personal reasons.”
You don’t sound picky in the least. It’s very, very normal to have some cities you’d be open to moving to and others you wouldn’t. Your new employer undoubtedly knows that and won’t be put off by you explaining the location doesn’t work for you. It should be fine to simply say, “I really appreciate you offering it to me. I don’t think City X is for me, although I’m open to other locations down the road. Could I stick with City Y for now?”
5. I quit my job but I keep getting paychecks
I sent a resignation email to my manager at my previous company, but I think he never actually let HR know.
My last work day was March 11, but they keep paying for pay periods that I haven’t worked and for time that I never entered on my time sheets. In fact, they keep sending me emails telling me to fill in my time sheets.
I emailed HR and let them know I was no longer with the company and even mailed my company-issued laptop back in. But they still keep direct depositing paychecks in my checking account.
What’s the downside — other than karmic — of letting them keep direct depositing into my checking account? FWIW, this is an enormous multinational corporation with 300,000+ employees.
You might be thinking that if they give it to you, it’s yours — but assuming they notice at some point (and they probably will), they can legally require you to pay that money back, so it’s definitely in your interest to get it fixed. It’s ridiculous that it’s on you to handle it, but if you don’t want to be hit with a large bill later, it sounds like you’ll have to.
This time, don’t email HR — call them and get a live person on the phone and explain what’s going on. (It sounds like in your email you might have just said you left the company; this time make sure to say the problem is that you’re receiving paychecks after leaving.) Assume you’ll likely have to pay back the overpayments that you’ve already received.
Caveat: I’m guessing you’ve checked this, but make sure the paychecks you’ve received so far aren’t actually ones you were supposed to receive! Some companies are on a cycle where you’re paid three or four weeks after the pay period ends, or where your vacation payout arrives separately. You’d probably know if this were the case, but it’s worth checking if not.
