The world has changed in the hundred years since A. A. Milne introduced us to Winnie-the-Pooh and his pals, but that doesn’t mean our lovable friends haven’t adapted to life in the twenty-first century. This heartwarming, laugh-out-loud parody—by frequent McSweeney’s contributor Jennie Egerdie—takes us along for some marvelous misadventures as the gang grapples with modern life’s headaches and pesky predicaments. Today, we’re happy to offer an excerpt from Oh, Bother.

Session 1

Deep in the Hundred Acre Wood, in a sensibly furnished den, Eeyore shared feelings of inadequacy with his therapist, Dr. Festinker.

“Everyone in the Hundred Acre Wood has a home,” he complained, “and I live in a wobbly tent of sticks.”

“I’m sorry,” said Dr. Festinker. “That must feel terrible.”

Eeyore shook his head from side to side. “Not much use feeling bad about it,” sighed Eeyore. “Feeling bad doesn’t build me a house.”

“Maybe not,” agreed Dr. Festinker. “But ignoring your feelings will only lead to resentment and make it harder for you to make the changes you desire in your life.”

Eeyore stared at his skunk therapist. He took in her deep, sympathetic gaze as well as her strong, pungent scent. (This was the reason behind her very reasonable rates: a sliding scale based on each patient’s tolerance of the odor.)

Eeyore let out a long, slow sigh. “Can’t help noticing you’re right.”

“Have you told your friends how you feel about your home?” asked Dr. Festinker.

“No,” said Eeyore.

“What do you think would happen if you asked for their help in finding you a home like theirs?” encouraged the skunk.

“I think they would help me,” admitted Eeyore glumly.

Dr. Festinker smiled.

“Not that they think of me as a friend,” added Eeyore. “They only keep me around so they have someone to blame when it rains.”

Session 17

Eeyore was remembering a trauma.

“And then,” said Eeyore, “my tail went missing.”

“That sounds very hard,” said his therapist.

“It was,” said Eeyore gloomily. “Have you ever lost a tail?”

“Can’t say that I have,” said Dr. Festinker.

“That’s what I thought,” said Eeyore, gazing sadly at his therapist. “Losing a tail is terrible. But it got worse. My tail was at Owl’s house being used… as a bell-pull.”

Eeyore let out a long, sad sigh.

“My tail…” He moaned, slowly shaking his head. “A doorbell!”

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” said Dr. Festinker.

“Owl didn’t even notice it was my tail,” said Eeyore with a great deal of self-pity. “He would have noticed if it were Pooh’s tail. Pooh’s the best bear in all the world. And what am I? A grey, gloomy donkey, with a droopy tail that keeps getting lost.”

“Eeyore, you have many strengths,” said Dr. Festinker kindly. “But what if, since losing your tail bothers you, you left your tail at home?”

“Can’t,” answered Eeyore.

There was a long silence.

Dr. Festinker politely counted to ten in her head.

Session 114

Eeyore was making a gratitude list, naming things that made him happy.

“I like the little Piglet. He’s my favorite size,” said Eeyore. “I like Pooh Bear’s kindness. I like that Rabbit always has snacks, and Kanga’s warmth, and that Tigger is so bouncy. And I like that Owl sends out a newsletter to the whole wood for free.”

“Eeyore!” exclaimed Dr. Festinker. “Look at all this positivity! You’ve made so much progress!”

“I think so, too,” agreed Eeyore. “I’ve been feeling sunnier as of late.”

“That’s wonderful,” beamed the skunk.

Eeyore smiled and looked out the window at the fine autumn morning in the forest. The sun dappled between green and bronze oak leaves, greeting the donkey with waving branches in the cool, fresh winds.

“Oh, no,” sighed Eeyore. “Looks like rain.”

Illustrations by Ellie Hajdu.

From the book Oh, Bother by Jennie Egerdie. Reprinted by permission of Running Press, a subsidiary of Hachette Book Group, Inc. Copyright 2024 by Jennie Egerdie.

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes:

What’s the etiquette, if that’s the right word, for leaving a job before the end of your notice period?

I resigned due to a toxic micromanager boss who also leans toward abusive. She has been out on medical leave for the last three weeks, but is back today. I’m halfway through my notice period and my last day is Friday.

She’s going through her emails now and so far I’ve received two from her, both of which literally say, “I’m going through my emails and see this (insert issue that arose while she was out) and I assume nothing was done? Please advise as to why not.”

Actually, both tasks that she mentioned were handled and filed appropriately, and email loops were closed (which she will see when she gets through all her emails). It’s just in her nature to always assume the worst.

I’m wondering what obligation I have to remain at my current job for my full two weeks? I understand I committed to do so … but I’m also concerned about my mental well-being. While she was out, all was fine but her being back is reminding me why I resigned.

So … if she decides to spend 20 minutes berating me for using square and not round bullet points (true story) or something similar, is it an option to just say that the current day is my last? Or does that do too much reputational harm? I’m trying not to borrow trouble, but it’s 10 am and I’ve already been accused (twice) of doing nothing while she was out.

For what it’s worth, I was honest with the CEO that my manager was my reason for leaving and did detail why. Other executives have asked me directly if I’m leaving due to micromanagement from my boss, so it’s not a secret that she’s like this. (Why they let it continue is a conversation for a different email.)

What are my options? Is staying the entire time given in my notice period my only choice?

You don’t need to stay for your full notice period if you’re being mistreated.

If the tone of your manager’s communications remains accusatory or harsh, it’s reasonable to say any of the following:

• “I’m taken aback by the emails you’ve been sending me today. I’m happy to stay for the remainder of my notice period as long as I’m treated respectfully. But I don’t want to be accused of not doing work that you’ll see I did if you continue through your emails.”
• “I’m happy to spend the rest of the week wrapping up projects, but I’m not willing to be berated for (examples). If that continues, I’d prefer we make today my last day.”
• “I don’t appreciate being spoken to like this when I’m working hard to leave my area in good shape before I go. Given that, I’m going to make today my last day. If there’s anything you’d like me to handle before I leave today, please let me know.”

If her treatment of you were particularly outrageous, you could just leave on the spot: “I don’t think it makes sense for me to remain for the rest of the week. I’ll let (other person) know.” That other person could be HR, your manager’s boss, the CEO you’ve already been talked with, or whoever else makes sense.

Speaking of the CEO, since you’ve already told her that your boss is the reason you’re leaving (and I’m gathering she wasn’t terribly surprised?), another option is to go back to her now and say that your boss’s treatment has you questioning your willingness to work the remainder of your notice period. Who knows, she might encourage you to leave now and/or say she’ll handle it with your boss.

The other option, of course, is to just stay and internally roll your eyes, knowing that what you’re seeing from your boss is exactly the reason you’re leaving and feeling vindicated that you’re escaping. Hell, since you’re leaving, you could simply ignore her ruder emails and figure she’ll realize when she gets through all her messages that she was wrong and thus your response is not required. This option could save you some hassle and drama, so you might choose it for that reason. And sometimes knowing you could leave if you wanted to makes it easier to just roll your eyes and deal with it for a few more days.

But you’re absolutely allowed to set boundaries on what you will and won’t tolerate, and you’re not required to stay if your manager isn’t holding up her end of the bargain and treating you with basic respect.

LOS ANGELES—Kicking down the unlocked classroom door after listlessly wandering around campus, bored riot cops reportedly broke up a calculus course at the University of California, Los Angeles, on Tuesday. “Hey guys, look—there’s some students in there,” said Los Angeles Police Department Lt. Thomas Larkins, who led…

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DAYTON, OH—Several reports indicated Tuesday that the email that would tear your life apart was currently in your nemesis’s draft folder and that after it was sent, nothing would ever be the same again. According to sources, the 600-word email—penned by your lifelong foe—is CC’d to your friends, your relatives, and…

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Rakus, a wild Orangutan being observed in Indonesia, was seen using a medicinal plant called Akar Kuning, which is used throughout Southeast Asia to treat pain and inflammation, to heal a facial wound, chewing the leaves and applying them to the injury like a bandage. What do you think?

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WASHINGTON—Showing wide-ranging approval across all demographic groups regardless of political affiliation, a new poll from the Pew Research Center found Monday that the majority of U.S. citizens want immigration reform that includes making up new last names for people again. “Our data show that most Americans do…

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Unit contains resident who leaves out fresh roast chickens and keeps jug of milk in fridge. Take and eat whatever you want—they can’t stop you!

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NEW YORK—Describing the newborn’s stint in a neonatal intensive care unit as a brief, blissful period during which she was still beyond the reach of marketers, sources confirmed Monday that her 17 days in an incubator would be the longest period of her life in which premature baby Rosalyn Williams was not exposed to…

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JERUSALEM—Following its ban of the Qatar-based news outlet’s operations in the country, Israel accused Al Jazeera Monday of being a mouthpiece for journalism. “It is clear from its continuous, 24-hour coverage of the war in Gaza that Al Jazeera is working on behalf of journalistic principles,” Prime Minister Benjamin…

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New comic!

Maybe Otto just really likes swimming, and this is why he has made the choices that led to this. Maybe designing and building farmsteads shouldn't be an "overnight, in a food-driven mania" kind of activity.

For those who’ve been waiting, the Floppy Emu Deluxe Bundle and the Frosted Ice Acrylic Case are back in stock at the BMOW Store. While you’re shopping, check out the new Mac VGA Sync-inator too!

Floppy Emu is a floppy and hard disk emulator for classic Apple II, Macintosh, and Lisa computers. It uses an SD memory card and custom hardware to mimic an Apple floppy disk and drive, or an Apple hard drive. The Emu behaves exactly like a real disk drive, requiring no special software or drivers. It’s perfect for booting your favorite games and software, or transferring files between vintage and modern machines. Just fill your SD card with disk images, plug in the Emu board, and you’ll be up and running in seconds.

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes:

I have an employee who is unable to obtain childcare when he is on call, which is an essential part of his job, and the job is not safe to take a child to. Therefore, we may not be able to keep him on.

I supervise a team of maintenance technicians who rotate being on call 24/7 for one week every month. Being on call for emergencies is an essential part of the job, as they respond to calls such as water leaks that could cause property destruction, air conditioning calls (this is a 24/7 facility and the upper floors can get above 90 or higher degrees in the summer), lock-outs, and other urgent calls that can’t wait until business hours. We have a small team of four, so it’s essential that everyone take part in the rotation so no one is on call 24/7 too often.

We make it clear to everyone before hiring them that on-call shifts are a requirement.

It has recently come to light that one team member is unable to find childcare for late night emergency calls and has been taking his child with him. For very obvious reasons this is not OK, but the child is too young to leave at home. (We didn’t know this was happening until his ex-wife found out, got a court order that prevented him from both taking the kid with him and leaving him home alone, and also alerted us.) However, it’s not exactly easy to find a babysitter at 3 am when you have to rush into work immediately. His family is not always available, and it’s not like there are daycares open.

It’s not fair to the rest of the team to leave him off of the emergency rotation, which is an essential part of the job, but it seems cruel to let someone go for not being able to find childcare.

I am proposing we give him two months off of the rotation to figure something out. After that, I’ll have to have that difficult conversation with him.

Is there an alternative that I’m missing here? We are waiting on advice from HR, but I know they’re going to tell me that he can’t remain in his position if he can’t meet the schedule requirements.

This really sucks for everyone involved.

You did the right thing when you ensured he knew about on-call requirement before you hired him, and you’re right not to want to shift an extra burden to his team mates.

On his end, he’s undoubtedly not taking his child along for the fun of it. Finding last-minute child care in the middle of the night when you live alone would be impossible for most people. Bringing the kid with him isn’t the right solution, but it’s easy to see how someone desperate could have landed there.

Would you be open to attaching an incentive to the on-call shifts to make other employees more interested in volunteering for more of them? For example, if each on-call week came with a bonus or, say, extra days off, you might be able to fully staff them without this employee, and without making the rest of your team resentful if he’s not doing them. You don’t have to do that — again, this was a requirement of the job that he agreed to up-front — but if you’re looking for a way to make this work, it’s something to consider.

Otherwise, giving him two months to figure something out is reasonable. That also gives him time to job search if he thinks he’ll need to. If he’s not able to make it work by the end of that period, you wouldn’t necessarily need to fire him; you could mutually part ways on good terms. And while you wouldn’t be obligated to offer severance, you might choose to in recognition of the difficult circumstances.

(Also, this probably isn’t your place to suggest, but if he wants to stay in the job, could he have his kid stay with his ex-wife on the weeks he’s on call? There may be reasons that’s not a good idea, but otherwise it might be something he could consider.)

In brief: All our available data continues to point toward the arrival of a line of storms after midnight, moving from west to east across the Houston metro area. Because the heaviest of these rains are likely to fall north of Houston, and the high amounts of rainfall already received there this week, we are raising our flood alert for areas along and north of Interstate 10 to Stage 2 for tonight and Sunday.

The overall pattern we’ve been in for the last several days will persist tonight into Sunday. That is to say, the atmosphere is chock full of moisture and unstable. A forcing agent will come early Sunday as a disturbance moves into the region from the west. In recent days the trend has been toward rain events over-performing expectations. So I don’t want anyone to let their guard down just yet.

After midnight we’re likely to see the development of an MCS to the west of Houston. What is an MCS? In meteorological parlance, it stands for ‘mesoscale convective system,’ essentially a large complex of thunderstorms. But when they come through at night I prefer to think of an MCS as a ‘midnight canine stimulant.’ So yeah, it could be one of those nights.

The primary risk is thunderstorms and heavy rainfall. Generally, I think most of the area will pick up 1 to 3 inches, but my concern is the potential for bullseyes of 5 inches, or more. The most probable location for these heavy rains is areas north of Houston, which have already received a foot of rainfall, or more, during the past week.

After the strongest part of the MCS sweeps through, likely around 3 to 6 am for areas such as Katy, 4 to 7 am for downtown Houston, and a little later for the coast, we are likely to see additional showers—on and off—for most of the rest of Sunday. It’s my hope that these will be a little less intense, and a little less organized than the initial push early on Sunday. Matt will have a full update for you tomorrow morning.

You’re probably not going to be believe me, and that’s fine. But I still do expect our pattern to dry out on Monday. We’ll turn sunnier, and hotter for awhile. Rain chances may not go away entirely, but they’ll be significantly diminished.

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I mean have you ever TRIED taking up arms against a sea? You just end up looking stupid.

yo

TORONTO – The Toronto Maple Leafs have tied their playoff series against the rival Boston Bruins at 3-3, working hard to engineer a uniquely perfect opportunity to break their fans’ collective hearts by losing in seven games instead of five. Following a slow start from the Leafs, fans reported concern that this year’s playoff run […]

The post Hardworking Leafs tie up series, maximize how sad fans will be when they still lose appeared first on The Beaverton.

It is "the first known case of active wound treatment in a wild animal with a medical plant," biologist Isabelle Laumer told NPR. She says the orangutan, called Rakus, is now thriving.

(Image credit: Armas)

ACEH, INDONESIA—Watching in awe as the wild animal applied the medicinal product to the top of his head, primate researchers were reportedly stunned Friday after witnessing an orangutan use Rogaine to fix a bald spot. “This is the first known case of any wild animal using an over-the-counter hair loss treatment…

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LEAWOOD, KS—Urging her boyfriend to calm down after he woke up and immediately began to panic, Taylor Swift reportedly began her day Friday by playing a video reminding Travis Kelce who she is and how long they’ve dated. “Hi baby, I know you don’t know who I am right now, but my name is Taylor, and I love you very…

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Fujikawaguchiko, a town in Japan known for its clear view of Mount Fuji, has begun constructing a large black screen to obstruct that view in an effort to ward off tourists, saying that the town has become overrun with people blocking traffic, littering, and trespassing. What do you think?

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NEW YORK—With multiple eyewitnesses saying the public display of affection on a Manhattan-bound F train had gotten way out of hand, reports confirmed Friday that annoying teen Thomas Hansler had his girlfriend’s whole face in his mouth. “Ugh, if he wants to apply that much suction to her forehead, eyes, nose, mouth,…

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WASHINGTON—His cell phone ringing and causing a huge distraction right as their piece began, the nation reported feeling embarrassed and devastated Friday after President Joe Biden answered a business call during their big recital. “We spent weeks practicing for the spring piano recital, and he missed our whole…

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WASHINGTON—As mounting campus protests and arrests over the Israel-Hamas war threatened his fragile electoral coalition, advisors to President Joe Biden assured him Friday that this would blow over once all Gazans were dead. “Just lie low, let a few thousand more bombs drop on densely populated areas, and you’re…

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They should have a German word that describes the feeling you get when you’re speaking English, and you experience something that you’re sure Germans have a very specific word for but for which there is no direct English translation.

Germans, I’m sure, could create a word that roughly translates to that feeling when you drop your phone, and it feels like your life has ended, but then you pick it up, and it’s fine.

It would be great if there was a single German word for that wave of emotion that comes from seeing a person you know you’ve met before but whose name you’ve forgotten walking right toward you. But before your ignorance is revealed, they say, “I’m sorry. I know we’ve met before, but I have forgotten your name,” and you’re off the hook for having forgotten Jeffrey Larson’s name. They should have a word for that.

They should make a word, probably with a lot of consonants, for the feeling you get when Jeffrey Larson starts talking to you about English Premier League soccer because one time, like four years ago, you mentioned that you knew who a player from Manchester City was. Now he assumes you follow the Premier League, and it’s too late to correct him because he’s been talking to you about Watford and Everton for several years at this point.

Make a word for when two words are interchangeable, but an annoying coworker corrects you every time you say “soccer” instead of “football,” even though they mean the same thing. The word doesn’t have to use Jeffrey Larson’s name directly, but it could if the Germans wanted.

They should have a word for when you’re at your desk, and you look up because you swear you just saw Jeffrey Larson walking down the hallway past your desk. But that’s impossible. Two weeks ago, you and Jeffrey went out to a bar. He’d invited you to watch a “football” match, and you were in too deep to tell him, “I don’t watch Premier League, man. I just happened to know who Sergio Aguero is because of Ted Lasso.” When Watford scored, Jeffrey got up and started taunting a bunch of tough-looking Liverpool supporters. As you went to close out the tab, Jeffrey stepped outside with the Liverpool-supporting ruffians. Things must’ve escalated quickly because when you got outside moments later, you found Jeffrey lying lifeless on the pavement. The paramedics had pronounced him dead on the scene. But now, Jeffrey is alive and walking down the hallway like nothing happened?

A German word for when you can’t find your phone, but it’s just in your other pocket.

Maybe some kind of really long German word that expresses the sensation that runs up your spine when you follow Jeffrey Larson down the hallway and approach him in the breakroom. “Jeffrey?” you muster in a timid, confused voice.

Jeffrey turns to you and says, “Jeffrey, that’s me. Jeffrey La… La…”

“Larson?” you offer.

“Larson, that’s it!” He says, seeming to have forgotten his own name, before his face lights up, “Hey, check this out.”

He pulls out his phone and shows you a nude picture of Jeffrey’s wife—something he has never done before and never would do. As he pulls the phone out, you notice his lock screen is the Liverpool FC crest. There’s no way that one of the Liverpool ruffians who killed Jeffrey just… became him? There’s no way someone could, like, take over someone else’s body, right? Now that you think about it, there was never a memorial service or anything. When you saw Jeffrey’s wife at the grocery store she acted fine, as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Someone can’t just take over another man’s body and assume his identity. You’re sure of that. Yet here stands your friend who was confirmed dead less than a fortnight ago, trying desperately to remember his own name.

Maybe a German word for fermented cabbage, wait, never mind. They have that.

They need a difficult-to-pronounce German word for when you’re having an extreme existential crisis because you can no longer decipher what is real and what isn’t. A word for when you walk along the street and every face looks like your friend Jeffrey, but also, none of them do. For when you can’t even really remember what Jeffrey looked like, if he was actually your friend, or if he even really existed at all. Your ears are ringing, you can’t focus on anything, you feel dizzy. Everyone who passes seems like they could be a figment of your imagination, or real, or perhaps they were also killed and their body assumed by a Liverpool supporter.

They should have a German word for when, despite this intense crisis of consciousness and existence, you really want to see that picture of your (possibly) dead friend’s wife again.

Today's links

• Google is (still) losing the spam wars to zombie news-brands: "Site reputation abuse" goes beyond third party content farms.
• Hey look at this: Delights to delectate.
• This day in history: 2004, 2009, 2014, 2019, 2023
• Upcoming appearances: Where to find me.
• Recent appearances: Where I've been.
• Latest books: You keep readin' em, I'll keep writin' 'em.
• Upcoming books: Like I said, I'll keep writin' 'em.
• Colophon: All the rest.

Google is (still) losing the spam wars to zombie news-brands (permalink)

Even Google admits – grudgingly – that it is losing the spam wars. The explosive proliferation of botshit has supercharged the sleazy "search engine optimization" business, such that results to common queries are 50% Google ads to spam sites, and 50% links to spam sites that tricked Google into a high rank (without paying for an ad):

https://developers.google.com/search/blog/2024/03/core-update-spam-policies#site-reputation

It's nice that Google has finally stopped gaslighting the rest of us with claims that its search was still the same bedrock utility that so many of us relied upon as a key piece of internet infrastructure. This not only feels wildly wrong, it is empirically, provably false:

https://downloads.webis.de/publications/papers/bevendorff_2024a.pdf

Not only that, but we know why Google search sucks. Memos released as part of the DOJ's antitrust case against Google reveal that the company deliberately chose to worsen search quality to increase the number of queries you'd have to make (and the number of ads you'd have to see) to find a decent result:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/24/naming-names/#prabhakar-raghavan

Google's antitrust case turns on the idea that the company bought its way to dominance, spending the some of the billions it extracted from advertisers and publishers to buy the default position on every platform, so that no one ever tried another search engine, which meant that no one would invest in another search engine, either.

Google's tacit defense is that its monopoly billions only incidentally fund these kind of anticompetitive deals. Mostly, Google says, it uses its billions to build the greatest search engine, ad platform, mobile OS, etc that the public could dream of. Only a company as big as Google (says Google) can afford to fund the R&D and security to keep its platform useful for the rest of us.

That's the "monopolistic bargain" – let the monopolist become a dictator, and they will be a benevolent dictator. Shriven of "wasteful competition," the monopolist can split their profits with the public by funding public goods and the public interest.

Google has clearly reneged on that bargain. A company experiencing dramatic security failures and declining quality should be pouring everything it has to righting the ship. Instead, Google repeatedly blew tens of billions of dollars on stock buybacks while doing mass layoffs:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/21/im-feeling-unlucky/#not-up-to-the-task

Those layoffs have now reached the company's "core" teams, even as its core services continue to decay:

https://qz.com/google-is-laying-off-hundreds-as-it-moves-core-jobs-abr-1851449528

(Google's antitrust trial was shrouded in secrecy, thanks to the judge's deference to the company's insistence on confidentiality. The case is moving along though, and warrants your continued attention:)

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/the-2-trillion-secret-trial-against

Google wormed its way into so many corners of our lives that its enshittification keeps erupting in odd places, like ordering takeout food:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/24/passive-income/#swiss-cheese-security

Back in February, Housefresh – a rigorous review site for home air purifiers – published a viral, damning account of how Google had allowed itself to be overrun by spammers who purport to provide reviews of air purifiers, but who do little to no testing and often employ AI chatbots to write automated garbage:

https://housefresh.com/david-vs-digital-goliaths/

In the months since, Housefresh's Gisele Navarro has continued to fight for the survival of her high-quality air purifier review site, and has received many tips from insiders at the spam-farms and Google, all of which she recounts in a followup essay:

https://housefresh.com/how-google-decimated-housefresh/

One of the worst offenders in spam wars is Dotdash Meredith, a content-farm that "publishes" multiple websites that recycle parts of each others' content in order to climb to the top search slots for lucrative product review spots, which can be monetized via affiliate links.

A Dotdash Meredith insider told Navarro that the company uses a tactic called "keyword swarming" to push high-quality independent sites off the top of Google and replace them with its own garbage reviews. When Dotdash Meredith finds an independent site that occupies the top results for a lucrative Google result, they "swarm a smaller site’s foothold on one or two articles by essentially publishing 10 articles [on the topic] and beefing up [Dotdash Meredith sites’] authority."

Dotdash Meredith has keyword swarmed a large number of topics. from air purifiers to slow cookers to posture correctors for back-pain:

https://housefresh.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/keyword-swarming-dotdash.jpg

The company isn't shy about this. Its own shareholder communications boast about it. What's more, it has competition.

Take Forbes, an actual news-site, which has a whole shadow-empire of web-pages reviewing products for puppies, dogs, kittens and cats, all of which link to high affiliate-fee-generating pet insurance products. These reviews are not good, but they are treasured by Google's algorithm, which views them as a part of Forbes's legitimate news-publishing operation and lets them draft on Forbes's authority.

This side-hustle for Forbes comes at a cost for the rest of us, though. The reviewers who actually put in the hard work to figure out which pet products are worth your money (and which ones are bad, defective or dangerous) are crowded off the front page of Google and eventually disappear, leaving behind nothing but semi-automated SEO garbage from Forbes:

https://twitter.com/ichbinGisele/status/1642481590524583936

There's a name for this: "site reputation abuse." That's when a site perverts its current – or past – practice of publishing high-quality materials to trick Google into giving the site a high ranking. Think of how Deadspin's private equity grifter owners turned it into a site full of casino affiliate spam:

https://www.404media.co/who-owns-deadspin-now-lineup-publishing/

The same thing happened to the venerable Money magazine:

https://moneygroup.pr/

Money is one of the many sites whose air purifier reviews Google gives preference to, despite the fact that they do no testing. According to Google, Money is also a reliable source of information on reprogramming your garage-door opener, buying a paint-sprayer, etc:

https://money.com/best-paint-sprayer/

All of this is made ten million times worse by AI, which can spray out superficially plausible botshit in superhuman quantities, letting spammers produce thousands of variations on their shitty reviews, flooding the zone with bullshit in classic Steve Bannon style:

https://escapecollective.com/commerce-content-is-breaking-product-reviews/

As Gizmodo, Sports Illustrated and USA Today have learned the hard way, AI can't write factual news pieces. But it can pump out bullshit written for the express purpose of drafting on the good work human journalists have done and tricking Google – the search engine 90% of us rely on – into upranking bullshit at the expense of high-quality information.

A variety of AI service bureaux have popped up to provide AI botshit as a service to news brands. While Navarro doesn't say so, I'm willing to bet that for news bosses, outsourcing your botshit scams to a third party is considered an excellent way of avoiding your journalists' wrath. The biggest botshit-as-a-service company is ASR Group (which also uses the alias Advon Commerce).

Advon claims that its botshit is, in fact, written by humans. But Advon's employees' Linkedin profiles tell a different story, boasting of their mastery of AI tools in the industrial-scale production of botshit:

https://housefresh.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/Advon-AI-LinkedIn.jpg

Now, none of this is particularly sophisticated. It doesn't take much discernment to spot when a site is engaged in "site reputation abuse." Presumably, the 12,000 googlers the company fired last year could have been employed to check the top review keyword results manually every couple of days and permaban any site caught cheating this way.

Instead, Google is has announced a change in policy: starting May 5, the company will downrank any site caught engaged in site reputation abuse. However, the company takes a very narrow view of site reputation abuse, limiting punishments to sites that employ third parties to generate or uprank their botshit. Companies that produce their botshit in-house are seemingly not covered by this policy.

As Navarro writes, some sites – like Forbes – have prepared for May 5 by blocking their botshit sections from Google's crawler. This can't be their permanent strategy, though – either they'll have to kill the section or bring it in-house to comply with Google's rules. Bringing things in house isn't that hard: US News and World Report is advertising for an SEO editor who will publish 70-80 posts per month, doubtless each one a masterpiece of high-quality, carefully researched material of great value to Google's users:

https://twitter.com/dannyashton/status/1777408051357585425

As Navarro points out, Google is palpably reluctant to target the largest, best-funded spammers. Its March 2024 update kicked many garbage AI sites out of the index – but only small bottom-feeders, not large, once-respected publications that have been colonized by private equity spam-farmers.

All of this comes at a price, and it's only incidentally paid by legitimate sites like Housefresh. The real price is borne by all of us, who are funneled by the 90%-market-share search engine into "review" sites that push low quality, high-price products. Housefresh's top budget air purifier costs $79. That's hundreds of dollars cheaper than the "budget" pick at other sites, who largely perform no original research.

Google search has a problem. AI botshit is dominating Google's search results, and it's not just in product reviews. Searches for infrastructure code samples are dominated by botshit code generated by Pulumi AI, whose chatbot hallucinates nonexistent AWS features:

https://www.theregister.com/2024/05/01/pulumi_ai_pollution_of_search/

This is hugely consequential: when these "hallucinations" slip through into production code, they create huge vulnerabilities for widespread malicious exploitation:

https://www.theregister.com/2024/03/28/ai_bots_hallucinate_software_packages/

We've put all our eggs in Google's basket, and Google's dropped the basket – but it doesn't matter because they can spend $20b/year bribing Apple to make sure no one ever tries a rival search engine on Ios or Safari:

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/google-payments-apple-reached-20-220947331.html

Google's response – laying off core developers, outsourcing to low-waged territories with weak labor protections and spending billions on stock buybacks – presents a picture of a company that is too big to care:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/04/teach-me-how-to-shruggie/#kagi

Google promised us a quid-pro-quo: let them be the single, authoritative portal ("organize the world’s information and make it universally accessible and useful"), and they will earn that spot by being the best search there is:

https://www.ft.com/content/b9eb3180-2a6e-41eb-91fe-2ab5942d4150

But – like the spammers at the top of its search result pages – Google didn't earn its spot at the center of our digital lives.

It cheated.

(Image: freezelight, CC BY-SA 2.0, modified)

Hey look at this (permalink)

• Reject Definitions of Antisemitism that Encompass Protected Speech https://www.aclu.org/documents/reject-definitions-of-anti-semitism-that-encompass-protected-speech (h/t Naked Capitalism)

• Message to Congress on Curbing Monopolies https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/message-congress-curbing-monopolies (h/t Naked Capitalism)

• The Age of Cloud Capital https://www.persuasion.community/p/the-age-of-cloud-capital

This day in history (permalink)

#20yrsago Senator Franken? https://www.salon.com/1996/02/10/franken/

#20yrsago Musicians don’t understand copyright, but they don’t like the RIAA suing their fans https://web.archive.org/web/20040502072815/http://www.pewinternet.org/reports/pdfs/PIP_Musicians_Prelim_Findings.pdf

#15yrsago Warner Music to Warner Music: You are pirates! https://memex.craphound.com/2009/05/03/warner-music-to-warner-music-you-are-pirates/

#15yrsago Britain’s secret spy-on-every-call-and-email plan already well underway https://web.archive.org/web/20100106082536/http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article6211101.ece

#10yrsago The business/markets case for limits to copyright https://www.rstreet.org/commentary/r-street-paper-calls-for-shortened-copyright-terms-and-examination-of-international-treaties/

#5yrsago AOC endorses Elizabeth Warren’s Big Tech breakup plan https://www.theverge.com/2019/5/3/18528234/alexandria-ocasio-cortez-big-tech-break-up-plan-elizabeth-warren-endorsement

#5yrsago Strange codes from the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems https://www.johndcook.com/blog/2019/04/27/rare-and-strange-icd-10-codes/

#5yrsago In 2008 “synthetic CDOs” destroyed the global economy, and now they’re back https://www.ft.com/content/9c33cea0-6ceb-11e9-80c7-60ee53e6681d

#5yrsago Fentanyl execs found guilty of racketeering, face 20 year prison sentences https://www.cnn.com/2019/05/02/health/insys-trial-verdict-bn/index.html

#5yrsago “Smart” doorlocks have policies that let landlords and third parties spy on you https://onezero.medium.com/americas-favorite-door-locking-app-has-a-data-privacy-problem-f19169a8ab2e

#5yrsago Chinese urbanization has left 25 million vacant homes in rural villages https://web.archive.org/web/20190502215749/https://www.sixthtone.com/ht_news/1003928/25-million-homes-vacant-in-rural-china-due-to-migrant-workforce

#1yrago The Swivel-Eyed Loons Have A Point https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/03/paranoid-style/#eat-bugs

Upcoming appearances (permalink)

• Wordfest (Calgary), May 3
  https://wordfest.com/2024/event/wordfest-presents-cory-doctorow-2/

• Massy Arts (Vancouver), May 4
  https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/solo-reading-cory-doctorow-the-bezzle-tickets-876989167207

• Tartu Prima Vista Literary Festival, May 5-11
  https://tartu2024.ee/en/kirjandusfestival/

• Tim O’Reilly and Cory Doctorow on “Enshittification” and the Future of AI, May 14
  https://www.oreilly.com/live-events/tim-oreilly-and-cory-doctorow-on-enshittification-and-the-future-of-ai/0642572001651/

• "Finding the Money" screening (LA), May 15
  https://www.laemmle.com/film/finding-money?date=2024-05-15

• Media Ecology Association keynote (Amherst, NY), Jun 6-9
  https://media-ecology.org/convention

• HOPE XV, Jul 14 (Queens, NY)
  https://www.hope.net/talks.html

• American Association of Law Libraries keynote (Chicago), Jul 21
  https://www.aallnet.org/conference/agenda/keynote-speaker/

Recent appearances (permalink)

• Come sfuggire al “Merdocene” e costruire un Internet migliore (Torino Biennale Tecnologia)
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5NC2EZCYBg

• Show Me The Money Club (The Rideshare Guy)
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCETi3XqSds

• NUOVO BARETTO UTOPIA
  https://videoteca.kenobit.it/w/azRmQBCenVwjSRz9WCp8JS

Latest books (permalink)

• The Bezzle: a sequel to "Red Team Blues," about prison-tech and other grifts, Tor Books (US), Head of Zeus (UK), February 2024 (the-bezzle.org). Signed, personalized copies at Dark Delicacies (https://www.darkdel.com/store/p3062/Available_Feb_20th%3A_The_Bezzle_HB.html#/).

• "The Lost Cause:" a solarpunk novel of hope in the climate emergency, Tor Books (US), Head of Zeus (UK), November 2023 (http://lost-cause.org). Signed, personalized copies at Dark Delicacies (https://www.darkdel.com/store/p3007/Pre-Order_Signed_Copies%3A_The_Lost_Cause_HB.html#/)

• "The Internet Con": A nonfiction book about interoperability and Big Tech (Verso) September 2023 (http://seizethemeansofcomputation.org). Signed copies at Book Soup (https://www.booksoup.com/book/9781804291245).

• "Red Team Blues": "A grabby, compulsive thriller that will leave you knowing more about how the world works than you did before." Tor Books http://redteamblues.com. Signed copies at Dark Delicacies (US): and Forbidden Planet (UK): https://forbiddenplanet.com/385004-red-team-blues-signed-edition-hardcover/.

• "Chokepoint Capitalism: How to Beat Big Tech, Tame Big Content, and Get Artists Paid, with Rebecca Giblin", on how to unrig the markets for creative labor, Beacon Press/Scribe 2022 https://chokepointcapitalism.com

• "Attack Surface": The third Little Brother novel, a standalone technothriller for adults. The Washington Post called it "a political cyberthriller, vigorous, bold and savvy about the limits of revolution and resistance." Order signed, personalized copies from Dark Delicacies https://www.darkdel.com/store/p1840/Available_Now%3A_Attack_Surface.html

• "How to Destroy Surveillance Capitalism": an anti-monopoly pamphlet analyzing the true harms of surveillance capitalism and proposing a solution. https://onezero.medium.com/how-to-destroy-surveillance-capitalism-8135e6744d59?sk=f6cd10e54e20a07d4c6d0f3ac011af6b) (signed copies: https://www.darkdel.com/store/p2024/Available_Now%3A__How_to_Destroy_Surveillance_Capitalism.html)

• "Little Brother/Homeland": A reissue omnibus edition with a new introduction by Edward Snowden: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250774583; personalized/signed copies here: https://www.darkdel.com/store/p1750/July%3A__Little_Brother_%26_Homeland.html

• "Poesy the Monster Slayer" a picture book about monsters, bedtime, gender, and kicking ass. Order here: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781626723627. Get a personalized, signed copy here: https://www.darkdel.com/store/p2682/Corey_Doctorow%3A_Poesy_the_Monster_Slayer_HB.html#/.

Upcoming books (permalink)

• Picks and Shovels: a sequel to "Red Team Blues," about the heroic era of the PC, Tor Books, February 2025

• Unauthorized Bread: a graphic novel adapted from my novella about refugees, toasters and DRM, FirstSecond, 2025

Colophon (permalink)

Today's top sources:

Currently writing:

• A Little Brother short story about DIY insulin PLANNING

• Picks and Shovels, a Martin Hench noir thriller about the heroic era of the PC. FORTHCOMING TOR BOOKS JAN 2025

• Vigilant, Little Brother short story about remote invigilation. FORTHCOMING ON TOR.COM

• Spill, a Little Brother short story about pipeline protests. FORTHCOMING ON TOR.COM

Latest podcast: Precaratize Bosses https://craphound.com/news/2024/04/28/precaratize-bosses/

This work – excluding any serialized fiction – is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. That means you can use it any way you like, including commercially, provided that you attribute it to me, Cory Doctorow, and include a link to pluralistic.net.

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"When life gives you SARS, you make sarsaparilla" -Joey "Accordion Guy" DeVilla

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes:

I have a job, and I think a lot about trying to find a new job.

When I was previously looking for a job, the question “why are you looking to leave your current job?” came up a lot. Trying to answer that question is quite fraught. It’s challenging to say what’s wrong with the current job without sounding like a complainer. Trying to sound always professional and upbeat and very respectful of the people I work with leads to a lot of tricky dancing around actual issues inspiring me to job-hunt.

One thing that I think I should be able to say this time, truthfully and without dishing on anybody or any project, is: “I could be earning more money.” I have skills in a field in which salaries are typically 50% more than what I’m earning currently. My boss tells me that the organization balks at the idea of paying anyone in my group more. After my glowing performance review last spring, I got a 1% raise — not even cost of living. I’m behind on my career progression because of having spent a lot of time being just “Mom,” but I’ve just completed a relevant master’s degree (my second master’s) to try to jump-start things. It’s not all about the money — if I loved my job, this would not make me leave; I am able to live on what I earn — but more money would make it easy to justify making a move.

But a friend of mine (who has a great job, managerial-ish, at a prestigious company, so she should know what she’s talking about) says, “Don’t say that.” Rather than bluntly saying “I could be earning more money,” she suggested alluding to this issue in some much more vague, mealy-mouthed, roundabout way when I get the “why are you looking?” question. Like, “Oh, I just want to see what opportunities are out there for me.”

Is this true? Why? I don’t think my current lower salary should reflect badly on me; my current job is the kind of research-focused lab work typical of STEM-field graduate students. Is it tacky to mention the money dimension of the employer-employee relationship? Are you supposed to pretend that money isn’t a consideration, that you’re just so fascinated by the work that you don’t care? (I don’t think the people hiring actually believe that, anyway. One time I tried to apply to a job that paid less than what I was earning because the work seemed really compelling, and I couldn’t convince the recruiter that I was worth interviewing further — it seemed she couldn’t believe I wouldn’t decide against the move, because of the money?) Are they going to think that, if I think about the money at all, I’m perpetually dissatisfied and will forever be jumping towards higher salary?

I think that answering “I could be earning more money” conveys that I am a serious candidate, worth interviewing because they will think I am likely to take the job if they are offering more money. Also, like many female-presenting people, I should perhaps practice expecting recognition and respect. It does weed out employers who might be thinking that they would offer me only as much as I’m earning now. If there’s a potential job that has compelling other advantages (“save the world doing fascinating work in your own private office!”) then I would name those other advantages and not say anything about money. But until I see that dream-job listing … I’m allowed to want to move up to higher salary, yes?

Yes. You are allowed to want a new job for a higher salary.

That’s always the case, but especially when you’re earning half of what your field normally pays.

It’s true that there used to be a bias against talking about money in job interviews or indicating that money is in fact the primary reason most of us work. (Witness this ridiculous post from 2013.) That was always absurd, but it’s changed significantly in the last 10 years, and particularly in the last five.

“I could be earning more money” isn’t exactly the way I’d say it, though. An interviewer who wanted to really parse that might figure that you could always be earning more money no matter what job you’re in and might wonder if that means you’ll jump ship quickly if they hire you. But you could say it more like this:

“I love my work, but we’re severely underpaid for the field.”

“I like a lot of things about my job, but our salaries haven’t kept up with the market, so I’m looking at what else is out there.”

Those are fine. Those are normal and reasonable to say.

However, as a side note: I wonder if you feel a higher-than-warranted obligation to offer the complete story when an interviewer asks why you’re thinking of changing jobs. Your friend’s suggestion of “I wanted to see what other opportunities are out there” is always okay (as long as you’re not leaving after, like, six months — in which case it would raise red flags about what else might be going on). And you really don’t need to find a way to say what’s bothering you in your current job if it’s tricky to talk about; you can use a blander answer.

But in this case your answer is salary, and it’s fine to say that it’s salary.

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. How do I talk to my employee about sleeping in and missing work?

I have a direct report who is not a morning person. We have a hybrid schedule (two full team in-office days, remainder WFH). Our day starts at 8 to accommodate half day Fridays, which she takes. She is always last to arrive to the office, typically around 9:15, blaming traffic despite living 10 minutes from our office . She isn’t communicative/visible on Slack until late morning on WFH days. Our team has a very flexible/be-an-adult vibe, which we all appreciate and factor into planning our days/lives — it’s truly great. The issue is, she will miss meetings or join late (often still wearing her nightguard/retainer), turn in incomplete or hurried work, and has been open about accidentally sleeping in on numerous occasions (when she was “caught”). She will be managing our intern this summer, who is working hourly and thus will need to be “in” during typical work hours. Is it possible to change somebody’s sleep habits?

You’re asking the wrong question! Instead, how clear have you been as her manager that she currently isn’t meeting the requirements of her job and about specifically what needs to change? How much she is or isn’t willing to try to change her sleep habits is something for her to manage; the way she shows up at work is yours. Focus on the latter.

Tell her, as bluntly and clearly as possible, that she needs to arrive on time on in-office days, cannot miss meetings or join late, must be communicative and responsive on Slack at the start of work hours, and cannot turn in incomplete or hurried work (and that last one is a really big deal). This needs to be a serious conversation, where it’s clear that these aren’t suggestions or hopes; they’re requirements. You’re doing her no favor if you downplay that; she needs to understand that this has the potential to jeopardize her job — which it should — so that she takes it seriously.

If she has a sleep issue that makes it impossible for her to meet those expectations, she should raise it and you can figure out what to do at that point, and whether there’s a way to structure her job and her schedule that she’s not turning in rushed or incomplete work. But right now, at this stage, your job is to be clear about what needs to change.

2. A business lunch at an ethically shady restaurant

I work for a large Fortune 500 that has multiple locations in five states. My line’s VP is coming in from out of state to do a visit. The visit itself is very low concern, just a basic “Hey! How are you? How’s life? Are you happy here?” etc. However, she’s taking about a dozen of us to lunch. And here is where I have an issue. Morally, I do not spend any money at this restaurant. I used to, until they supported a person convicted of child sexual assault (multiple victims). The perpetrator was employed by them before, during, and after the trial (he’s a cousin to the owner). They did term any employee under 18 and do not hire anyone under 18. Unfortunately, we do not have a lot of “nice” options open at lunch and this place is just down the road from the office. Would it be wrong of me to bring this up to the VP, essentially stating many of us do not support this restaurant? She’s not from our area and would have no idea about this situation.

Since you said many of your coworkers feel this way too, raise it! You have relevant info that she doesn’t have.

For example: “You have no way of knowing this, but some of us prefer not to eat at X because of their support for a cousin of the owner convicted of really awful crimes against children. Could we go to Y or Z instead?” It’s okay if Y and Z are further away. Or if they’re unrealistically far: “What we usually do if we want somewhere nice is ____ (whatever you usually do in that situation).”

3. Break room etiquette

My office has a little break room in the basement that is honestly pretty depressing. As a result, not many people tend to use it, which I think has skewed how some people use it.

Within the past month, I’ve never shared it with more than one coworker at a time and these coworkers all seem to act like they’re alone. One would loudly talk to their partner on the phone the whole time, then later broke up with them while I was there! Another had a significant other make a surprise visit and they made lovey eyes at each other with me stuck as an awkward third wheel. And currently another is watching videos loudly at the table next to me.

I just started sharing an office so I need to use the break room now and I dread it every day! Am I being overly critical of how they use the room? How do I learn to handle this?

Someone broke up with their partner while you sat there! Amazing.

I don’t think you’re wrong in thinking people should be more considerate of others who are using the space … but I also don’t think it’s unreasonable for someone to take a call in the break room or sit with a visitor there, particularly if there aren’t other logical spaces to do those things. It’s actually more awkward because you’re the only other person there; it there were 20 people in there, those things would be less noticeable.

The person playing loud videos is more out of line. And technically you’d be on solid ground if you wanted to say something like, “Would you be willing to use headphones while you’re watching those? My head is killing me and I came here to try to get a break from noise.”

But it does seem like the culture in your office is for people to use that space for whatever kind of break they want, noise included. Any chance your office would be open to setting up a quiet room for people who want it? That sounds like it would get you more of what you want.

4. Can my younger coworkers read cursive?

Recently, I’ve signed a going-away card for a colleague and I’ve passed a handwritten note to a direct report during a training. I used cursive on both, because that’s what I default to, but now I’m wondering if I should stop using cursive as a default? I really like using it because it’s pretty, but obviously I really like people being able to read what I write, too. The colleague’s a peer, age-wise, but my direct report is a recent college grad. Should I only use it with people my own age? Is there a cut-off where people are going to be more unlikely to be able to read it? I’ve been complimented on my handwriting a lot, so it’s legible if you can read cursive, but I realize that’s a dying skill.

I honestly have no idea. I think cursive is pretty readable even if you can’t write it yourself, as long as it’s neatly written (and messy cursive was never all that readable to anyone anyway). But I’m incredibly old. Let’s toss this out to readers who still have more of the bloom of youth upon them and see what they say. (Also, the idea that we all used to learn basically a second font to write in is pretty fascinating.)