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Floyd Newsum, an artist, professor, and co-founder of Project Row Houses in Houston, died on Wednesday, August 14, 2024.

Floyd E. Newsum, Jr., was born on November 3, 1950, in Memphis, Tennessee. Growing up in that time and place, he was a witness to the Civil Rights movement. His father was an activist and one of Memphis’ first Black firefighters. In 2020, on the My Brother podcast, Mr. Newsum spoke of the culture in his city, referencing Blues music and barbecues. He noted that it wasn’t until he was about 17 years old that he truly came to understand the bigger issues that were affecting his community. He spoke about attending activist meetings and marches related to the Memphis Sanitation Strike, with his father and brother, and how those experiences influenced his early work.

Mr. Newsum has said that he knew from the time he was in third grade that he wanted to be an artist, but that his mother recognized it when he was just four years old. He spoke of his family’s support of his artistic career, with his parents funding his schooling and his aunt purchasing his first painting. In 1973, he received a BFA from Memphis College of Art, formerly Memphis Academy of Art. Two years later, he received an MFA from the Tyler School of Art at Temple University in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

In 1976, a year after his graduation from Temple University, Mr. Newsum was offered a position at the University of Houston Downtown. He taught courses in drawing, painting, printmaking, and art appreciation. During his 48-year tenure with the university, Mr. Newsum also held a variety of administrative roles. In 2003, Mr. Newsum received UHD’s Scholarship/Creativity Award, recognizing his contributions to the field of visual arts.

In a press release, Loren J. Blanchard, UHD President, remarked, “Professor Newsum was more than an artist, more than a teacher. He was a connector, a motivating force who worked to touch lives every day and who brought people together in remarkable ways. His art was intricately linked with his desire to nurture young artists and invest in the next generation of change agents, not only here at UHD but also in the historic Third Ward of Houston and even in communities he visited when his art was on view.”

Mark Cervenka, a UHD art professor and Director of the university’s O’Kane Gallery, told Glasstire, “Floyd by nature was inquisitive and a good listener. This, in my opinion, made him a very good teacher; a good attribute especially for a studio professor able to offer technical expertise, but also make students feel at ease developing and navigating their artistic vision.   As he did greeting staff or administrators in the halls of the university, in a meeting, or in the classroom he gave everyone his respect and attention.”

Mr. Newsum spoke of himself as an “artist social servant.” His desire to help and support others manifested in a multitude of ways. One of the most visible realizations of his social work was as co-founder of Project Row Houses (PRH). In 1993, Mr. Newsum, along with James Bettison (1958-1997), Bert Long, Jr. (1940-2013), Jesse Lott (1943-2023), Rick Lowe, Bert Samples, and George Smith, transformed a block of shotgun houses in Houston’s Third Ward into a resource for the community. Over the last 30 years, the organization has grown substantially and continues to invest in the area through art programs, community enrichment projects, and neighborhood development activities.

In a statement, Danielle Burns Wilson, PRH Executive Director, stated, “Floyd was vibrant, insightful, and ready with a challenging question or unexpected suggestion followed by a smile and a laugh to let you know he was pushing you because he felt you were worth pushing… Floyd found joy in his art, but talked about how personal it was to him, and what a contrast his intensely personal practice was to the Project Row Houses’ practice of socially engaged art. But he also found joy as a teacher, a calling rooted in the full meaning of collective creative action.”

Earlier this year, PRH named its Summer Studios Program after Mr. Newsum. The Floyd Newsum Summer Studios Program is an opportunity for emerging socially engaged artists to create and exhibit work in response to or reflective of the local community.

Mr. Newsum is a nationally acclaimed artist whose work has been shown in over 100 exhibitions, including at venues such as the Taft Museum in Cincinnati; the Contemporary Arts Center, New Orleans; The Studio Museum in Harlem in New York; the Contemporary Arts Museum, Houston; the Polk Museum in Lakeland, Florida; the David C. Driskell Center in Maryland; the Califia Gallery in Horazdovice, Czech Republic; and the American Center in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Last year, Mr. Cervenka and Dr. Lauren Cross, the Gail-Oxford Associate Curator of American Decorative Arts at The Huntington Library, Art Museum, and Botanical Gardens in San Marino, California, co-curated a major retrospective of Mr. Newsum’s work. Floyd Newsum: Evolution of Sight was on view at the Madison Museum of Contemporary Art in Madison, Wisconsin.

Mr. Cervenka explained, “[The] retrospective provided an opportunity to look closely at the arc of Floyd Newsum’s career.  [We] worked closely with Floyd and found themes that crossed decades while evolving in style and execution. In addition to his intense reflections of social justice born of his upbringing in Memphis —, Newsum’s gem-like gouache paintings of the ‘70s and ‘80s followed by later works sometimes caked with heavy impasto or with thin washes provided intimate conversations of identity, community, nature, and spiritual transcendence.”

Ms. Cross spoke to Glasstire about Mr. Newsum’s legacy. She said, “For many of the younger Black artists and curators born and raised in Houston, there were certain artists in the city who really shaped our understanding of what life as an artist or an arts professional could look like. Floyd Newsum was one of those artists for me. Like artists, Dr. John Biggers, Jesse Lott, Bert Long, Jr., and Rick Lowe, Floyd Newsum was part of a legacy of artists who not only showed you how to be a professional artist but also how to give back to your community.”

Another way that he has given back to communities is through his public artworks, many of which are in Houston. These local public art projects include the Wheeler Avenue Baptist Church, two Houston Metro Light Rail Station art designs, seven sculptures for Houston’s Main Street Square Station, four paintings in the Commerce Building of the University of Houston-Downtown, and a suspended sculpture for the lobby of the Acres Home Multi-Service Center in Houston. Additionally, Mr. Newsum’s For Better Life is installed at the Hazel Harvey Peace Center for Neighborhoods in Fort Worth.

In his fifty-year career as an artist and educator, Mr. Newsum has touched countless lives, including community members, students, artists, arts professionals, and more. While his legacy is felt strongly in Houston, it echoes beyond the city.

Janice Bond, Director of ART IS BOND, a gallery in Houston that represents Mr. Newsum, spoke of the artist’s legacy. She told Glasstire, “Floyd Newsum was not just a master visual artist; he was a visionary whose work and humanity resonated deeply with many, including myself. His canvases were more than art — they were conversations about history, resilience, and hope, woven with personal symbols and a vibrant palette that captured the essence of the Black American experience. As we remember Floyd, we celebrate a man who used his talent to inspire, teach, and love, leaving a legacy that will continue to influence and provoke thought, ensuring his spirit and dedication to community and craft will endure.”

Ms. Cross reflected, “He truly is a remarkable human being with a big heart, a wonderful family, and a deep faith. Houston has lost such an amazing artist yet I am so grateful to have witnessed the legacy that he leaves behind. He has informed the type of artist and curator I want to be — how you treat and honor others is everything.”

UHD is creating an endowed scholarship in the memory of Mr. Newsum. The Floyd Newsum Visionary Artist and Humanitarian Scholarship will be available to students pursuing degrees in art or social work. 

A memorial service for Mr. Newsum will be held on Tuesday, August 27, at 11:00 a.m. at the Wheeler Avenue Baptist Church (3826 Wheeler Avenue) in Houston. The service will be viewable via livestream. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the UHD scholarship.

The post Floyd Newsum, 1950 – 2024 appeared first on Glasstire.

I first learned about NASA’s Golden Record in 2007 via Radiolab’s “Space” episode. As a math and science nerd turned artist, the story of Ann Druyan and Carl Sagan’s romance emerging from their joint work on the record left a major impression on me. Furthermore, that scientists were thinking and operating in such a humanist way when considering how to illustrate to potential extraterrestrial beings who we Earthlings are was a romantic notion in and of itself. Their approach made me reevaluate my assumptions about and lived experiences of the divide between the rational/analytic world of science and the emotional/intuitive world of art. 

With that history, I was immediately invested in Dario Robleto’s exhibition The Signal at the Amon Carter Museum of American Art, which features a film he created about the Golden Record. Though I revisited the Radiolab episode a few times in passing over the nearly two decades since it was first released, it had been probably ten years since I sought it out. Rather than re-listen to it as a refresher, I went to see the exhibition first. I beelined for the film at the back of the gallery and fortunately entered the space near the beginning of the 71-minute work. 

Ancient Beacons Long for Notice is the third part of a trilogy of films by Robleto. I have not seen the other two works, but the artist assured me that they can stand alone. This is helpful, considering the only way to see the films is when they are exhibited; they do not exist (as so many things do these days) online. The mesmerizing video expands on the story that I had known of the Golden Record and Druyan’s process of curating it. Filled with various archival images and video clips, the piece sits somewhere between a documentary and an art film. 

Robleto told me about the video, “There is archival footage from NASA and various planetary missions, as well as footage from World War I, but also some of the earliest experiments in the 19th century attempting to photograph electricity, ghosts, and acoustic waves. But, I also love to confuse scale, and often, [seemingly] huge images of space are sourced from small biological/natural images. For example, there is a space scene made from the light illuminating a tiny spider web, and minuscule firing neurons made from images of comets and nebulae.”

This playful nature has been prevalent in Robleto’s work for decades. His art adopts a childlike curiosity and exploration of the big ideas and questions that we as a species have long been trying to approach or answer: Are we alone? How do we document our lives? What do we value? How might we pass our history forward into the future? What is love and how is it revealed? What does it mean to be human? Where does our consciousness live?

I found myself lost in Robleto’s video, my mind swirling and my heart beating excitedly as the stories he told unfolded. For a moment, I pulled myself out of it and wondered who the audience was for this work. I was entranced and time was cascading quickly before me, but would people interested in more traditional documentaries come to an art museum and sit for the film? Would museum visitors (who typically spend a few seconds in front of each work of art) dedicate over an hour to watch it? I looked around the darkened room and to my surprise realized that more than a dozen people had gathered and were equally entranced. On a Saturday afternoon in a small museum, people showed up and could not be torn from the space.

I felt and saw the success of the format, but still was curious to hear from the artist himself about his decision to straddle this line and potentially push the audience with the length of the film. He told me that Ancient Beacons Long for Notice is the longest of the three films. Robleto explained, “When we think of avant-garde cinema, we rarely fold the one-hour PBS science show into that lineage, but it was in this format that I had my most formative experiences with video and film. One of the driving questions I formulated for myself was, ‘What if an artist directed an episode of Cosmos?’ That is not to imply the original wasn’t innovative (I am arguing that it was), but more about how to merge the needs of clear science communication with the more abstract and speculative space I am allowed as an artist.”

That speculative space that Robleto spoke of is exactly where the magic of his work exists. The gallery adjacent to the video room held works by the artist spanning from 2012 to 2018. One of the most powerful was a triptych of digital inkjet prints that seemed like photos of the cosmos. However, Survival Does Not Lie in the Heavens holds a secret — just like the space scene created from light reflecting off a spider’s web, the wall text notes that the objects masquerading as stars in this work are actually a combination of images of “stage lights taken from album covers of live performances of now-deceased Gospel, Blues, and Jazz musicians.” 

The work is beautifully deceptive. It calls to mind the lights in the night sky that exist forever away, some of which may not even remain because it has taken so long for their light to reach us that the star may be long gone. But it reveals that the same is true of these musicians: their star no longer burns, but hints of their existence continue to echo out into our world. 

And that is exactly what the Golden Record is an attempt to do. To send a message that will hopefully outlive our Earth and reach beings out in a space and future that we cannot imagine, to share the story of who we have been. The Golden Record also had a secret that had not fully been revealed until Robleto’s video. Over more than a decade, he has built a friendship with Druyan, and she opened up to him about the things she snuck onto the record via the recordings of her brain waves, heartbeat, and eye and muscle movements. During the hour that she was to think about important elements of earthly history such as plate tectonics, the Cambrian Explosion, the invention of agriculture and flight, and many other things, Druyan deviated from the plan. She thought of war, poverty, destruction, sexism, bigotry, and other “uncomfortable truths,” as Robleto calls them.

In my conversation with Robleto, I was eager to get to the heart of how he came to learn about the Golden Record. Robleto says he first heard the recordings of Druyan’s brain waves when he was seven years old. A day he stayed home from school, because he was sick, happened to be the day that Voyager was approaching Jupiter. Though the record went into space on Voyagers I and 2 in 1977, in 1979 NASA took the opportunity of Voyager passing by Jupiter to re-engage the public with the mission by releasing a 1-800 number that anyone could call to hear the Golden Record’s recordings. A young Robleto, home alone, misunderstood the newscast and thought that the recordings had been made by extraterrestrials and intercepted by NASA. He excitedly called his mother at work to ask for permission to dial in to hear the message. She instructed him to wait, and when she returned home they listened in together. The sounds of the EEG and EKG were otherworldly, confusing, and disappointing.

Robleto told me, “It just crushed me, because I couldn’t understand, with so much at stake, why would the aliens be obtuse? Why would they send static? This disappointment, I internalized it so deeply. Over the years, I obviously learned more about it, but it wasn’t until 1991 that NASA finally released on CD to the public the full contents of the record. So for that decade, I did not forget, and I was one of the first people to buy that CD. I thought, ‘Okay, finally I can figure out what the hell was that sound.’ And, I get to the tracklist and all it says is ‘Life Signs.’ That’s it. Again, no context, and that further frustrated me.”

Robleto’s connection to and interest in the Golden Record extends across time. It wasn’t until 2007, when the Radiolab episode was released, that he realized he and Ann Druyan were both on the “Space” episode. For myself, listening to the episode at the time, I recalled that an artist was included, but did not remember that it was someone with a Texas connection. It wasn’t until nearly a week after I spent time with Robleto’s exhibition that I relistened to the episode and realized that it was him talking about a different body of work. But for Robleto, at the time, once he discovered that both he and Druyan were included in this radio story, he saw it as a sign to reach out to her to learn more about the recording that had mystified him for so long.

Starting in 2010, Robleto began making a series of small gifts for Druyan, and their connection eventually grew into a friendship. It was in the intervening years that Druyan revealed to Robleto the truth of what she was thinking during the Golden Record recording. Beyond that story being at the center of Robleto’s recent film, he told me that his work has long been geared toward the question, “What does one gift to the only woman whose heart has left the solar system?” 

Robleto’s answer is his work: his videos, his art, and a forthcoming book he is co-authoring, which has been 15 years in the making. Tentatively titled The Heartbeat at the Edge of the Solar System: Science, Emotion, and the Golden Record, the book is a collaboration between Robleto and Jennifer Roberts, an art historian and professor of the Humanities, and American and Contemporary Art at Harvard University, whose scholarship relates to arts and the natural sciences. 

Fascinated by Robleto’s ability to walk this line between art and science, I sought to better understand why this was of interest to him. A biology turned fine arts major, Robleto explained that he has long been interested in understanding why the arts and humanities split ways from the sciences. And understanding that division, he strives to mend the disciplines. Of course, these themes arise in his art, but so much of this repair work happens outside of visual art production. For example, last year, Robleto completed a five-year term as the inaugural Artist-at-Large at Northwestern University’s McCormick School of Engineering and the Block Museum of Art. From 2017-2019, he served as an Artist-in-Residence in Neuroaesthetics at the University of Houston’s Cullen College of Engineering. In 2015, he was the artist consultant to a team of scientists working on Breakthrough Message, a multinational effort centered on communicating with potential extraterrestrials.

As to the “why” behind his efforts, Robleto points to a quote by Carl Sagan. In his book, The Demon Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark, Sagan said, “Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality… The notion that science and spirituality are somehow mutually exclusive does a disservice to both.” 

Robleto explained, “Science is so particular to not get in the business of meaning. It’s just observation, and there’s an effort to avoid interpretation… science needs a type of neutrality, but Carl was saying that that was a mistake at some level. That it wasn’t an all-or-nothing sort of thing… I’m not afraid of doing the interpretive work of major scientific discoveries or insights as a pathway to the spiritual, I think it’s important.”

Robleto also acknowledged both his mother and grandmother as early influences on the way he perceives and moves through the world, which reverberates through his art. He reminisced about spending time at the San Antonio honky tonk that his mother ran during his youth. He recalled listening to Patsy Cline on the jukebox and watching melancholy scenes like the ones in her songs play out in real-time in front of him. In hindsight, he said, “It made me realize that art is documentary too. It’s metaphoric, but its power is like science in its precision of description.”

He went on to discuss his mother’s career working in hospice care. Coming to understand the basic philosophy that the final moments of life are worthy of dignity as much as the first moments of life has greatly impacted his work. Robleto told me, “As much as I love art, as much as I love science, it is a hospice nurse who is my model of an artist. I have tried to make  my art and my practice align [with their philosophies].”

This talk about the end of life brought me back to two years ago, when I held my grandmother’s hand as she died. I watched her last breath leave her body. It was heartbreaking, and though I knew that she had been dying for some time, I wasn’t prepared. I had never been with someone at the end of their life, and U.S. society does so much to hide and not talk about death. But in those last moments, I was so grateful for the professional caregivers, the hospice nurses who knew just what to do — how to make her comfortable, and how to comfort me and my family. 

As it turns out, in 2005, Robleto too was present for the death of his grandmother. Rather than being aware of her breath, Robleto was focused on his grandmother’s heartbeat. As he sat by her side, at the moment she passed, he placed his hand on her chest. He felt her final five or six heartbeats and noted the peculiar way in which they behaved. In that moment he told her that he would do everything he could to understand her heart. To Robleto, while that meant the scientific understanding of what happens to the heart at the moment of death, he also felt the need to understand the one heart that had left the solar system.

All of this brings us back to the Golden Record. It calls into question what can be known from an EKG reading of a heart, and it is also a message hurled into the unknown as the Earth descends toward its eventual end. Some might ask why we would produce this document of human history and launch it into space where it will likely never be found. Robleto’s Ancient Beacons Long for Notice argues that “the vastness of space is not an argument for the futility of our actions.” He advocates for our planet’s dignity despite our inevitable demise. As for those big questions that humans have pondered since the beginning of time, Robleto continues a tradition of inquiry through scientific methods and explores the meanings of those findings through art.

Dario Robleto: The Signal is on view at the Amon Carter Museum of American Art through October 27, 2024.

The post Dario Robleto: Between Art and Science appeared first on Glasstire.

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Every time I see this it takes me a minute to realize it isn't an insult.

Today's News:

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And don't even start in on liquor-cake.

Today's News:

Pierre Poilievre has repeatedly stated that the Nazis were socialists because their name is a shorthand for National Socialists. This is despite the fact that the Nazis rather infamously imprisoned and murdered thousands of people for the crime of being Socialists. So since Poilievre has apparently developed a Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy level […]

The post Since he thinks Nazis were socialists because of their name, here are 7 other titles and phrases that must flummox Pierre Poilievre appeared first on The Beaverton.

Thing with Ketchup, $10.99
What is the “thing” that comes with this ketchup, you ask? Surely you know by now that it doesn’t matter in the slightest, as whatever it is will serve only as a delivery method for your child to get as much ketchup in their mouth as possible before pulling out the completely uneaten thing once they have sucked the ketchup dry. So whether it’s chicken nuggets, French fries, or something more mysterious but probably nontoxic that we found in the back of the kitchen, rest assured that the only person who might actually digest any of it is you, provided you prefer your food drenched in toddler saliva.

$15
Rather than paying us $15 for an entree your child will insist they want until we actually serve it to them, this option has you just give us $15 in exchange for nothing. It saves you from trying to convince your child to eat, and it saves us from throwing out another untouched mini cheese pizza. Win-win.

Guilt, $8.99
Is it guilt over the amount of food you already know you will waste before even ordering anything? Guilt over having to pull up Cocomelon on YouTube just to get your child to stay seated long enough for you to eat one third of your meal? Guilt over taking them out to dinner in the first place rather than cooking them a delicious and nutritious meal at home? Whatever it is, $8.99 seems fair enough.

Macaroni and Cheese, but We Don’t Cook It the Way You Do, so Even Though Your Child Will Get Very Excited Upon Seeing It on the Menu Since It’s Their Favorite Food, They Will Burst into Tears and Say It Looks Wrong When It Comes Out, and You Won’t Be Able to Calm Them Down, and Everyone Else in the Restaurant Will Spend the Rest of Their Evenings Talking About What a Bad Parent You Are, $12.99
Bon appetit!

All of the Inedible Stuff, $11.99
Who needs all the stress of trying to get your child to eat food when you can instead have the stress of trying to get your child not to eat the straw, crayons, utensils, and placemat? Add three molecules of spaghetti to the crayons for $5 extra.

Braised Haddock, $10.99
We’re not sure why this is on the children’s menu either. No one has ever ordered it, and we’re unsure what happens if you do. Probably some type of Saturday Night Live Diner Lobster scenario.

What Mama Is Having, $8.99
Yes, we know Mama is having a very spicy bone-in chicken dish that made the server’s eyes water, but this does not matter. Mama has it, so it must rightfully and immediately belong to her child, according to her child. Dada can try to offer some of his burger instead, but this will not work.

Thing Your Child Liked Yesterday, $9.99
They don’t like it anymore.

Cheerio Your Child Just Spotted on the Floor, $7.99
Sure, you’ve been unsuccessfully trying to give them Cheerios from a snack container for the past fifteen minutes, but those can’t compare to the tantalizing possibilities offered by the one on the floor that some other family must have left behind. What could that gray speck on it be? A previously undiscovered material that gives superpowers to whoever digests it? Dust? Probably the former, but they should eat it just to be sure.

Lollipop, $42.00
You will be willing to pay any price for this by the end of the meal.

New Cyanide and Happiness Comic

romance

The lawsuit says RealPage’s algorithmic pricing software lets landlords effectively collude and set rents above market rate. The Texas-based company has denied the allegations.

(Image credit: Nam Y. Huh)

With the Democratic National Convention complete and election day drawing closer, Donald Trump and his supporters have stepped up their attacks on opponent Kamala Harris. The Onion fact-checks Republicans’ claims about the Democratic nominee. 

Claim: Harris is a communist.
Partially true: She is half-communist on her father’s side.

Claim: Harris slept her way to the top.
False: That would be Doug Emhoff.

Claim: Harris has flip-flopped her views on important issues.
False: Kamala Harris has no identifiable views on which to flip.

Claim: Harris used AI to make her rally crowd sizes look bigger.
False: All those losers really had nothing better to do on a Tuesday.

Claim: Harris is not as attractive as Donald Trump.
Unverified: It is impossible to tell until we see her wearing a baggy men’s suit.

Claim: Harris is Joe Biden’s border czar.
False: Harris is the baroness of the border.

Claim: Harris wasn’t born in the United States.
False: Only American-born citizens are permitted to date Montel Williams. 

Claim: If elected, Harris will convert the United States into a Marxist dictatorship.
True: This is clearly spelled out on the ‘About’ page of her official campaign website.

The post Fact-Checking The GOP’s Claims About Kamala Harris appeared first on The Onion.

Actress and singer Jennifer Lopez filed for divorce from her husband, Ben Affleck, after tying the knot more than two years ago, marking the second time the couple have called it quits after being engaged in the early 2000s. What do you think?

The post Jennifer Lopez Files For Divorce From Ben Affleck appeared first on The Onion.

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Reading astrobiology ruined the universe for me.

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WICHITA, KS—In a judgmental appraisal of her daughter’s parenting techniques only moments after she gave birth, an area grandmother hamster was reportedly overly critical Friday of the way her daughter ate her babies. “Oh, come on, stop being so delicate and shove them in your mouth the old-fashioned way,” said the elderly 1.75-year-old hamster, failing to take into account the way that trends in eating and digesting newborn young has changed over the years as she poured scorn upon the way her daughter gingerly closed her jaw around the first of her freshly birthed litter. “I know you love to talk about that ‘gentle parenting’ nonsense, but mother hamsters have been chewing and swallowing their babies the same way since the dawn of time. Here, let me take over for a minute, you’re getting blood and viscera everywhere—oh please, don’t get all upset at me. I’m trying to help, for god’s sake.” At press time, the hamster reportedly commented that her daughter will never lose all her pregnancy weight if she doesn’t slow down and practice portion control when eating the rest of her litter. 

The post Grandmother Hamster Overly Critical Of Way Daughter Eats Babies appeared first on The Onion.

About 20% of Sweden’s brown bear population could be killed this hunting season after licenses were issued for 486 of the animals to culled, despite an outcry from conservation groups. What do you think?

The post 20% Of Swedish Brown Bears To Be Killed In Annual Hunt appeared first on The Onion.

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Boasting new safety features that have drastically cut down on patient fatalities, researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology unveiled an improved prosthetic hand this week that only chokes its owner 63% of the time. “With a superior level of control, our new prosthetic hand is the first that isn’t guaranteed to take control of your arm and wrap itself around your windpipe in a bid to control your body,” said lead designer Alan Dao, who noted that the prosthetic hand’s new artificial skin covering is much less likely to leave lesions when it does attempt to squeeze your neck until suffocation. “A choke-free hand has always been the holy grail of prosthetic design, but it was only recently that we could get the processing power necessary to override these devices’ inherent desire to kill. It has a more natural range of motion that makes it easier to grip delicate objects, and the device is also way less likely to grab a butcher knife and drive it into your stomach so it can claim your life as its own. In fact, this is such a big step forward that we think we can get the murder rate by prosthetic limbs below 25% by the end of the century.” Dao added that while the new hand is less likely to choke you, improved grip strength means if it does, it can crush your spinal cord in seconds.

The post Improved Prosthetic Hand Only Chokes Owner 63% Of Time appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Given little choice but to deploy the safety measure, stranded NASA astronauts were forced to take an emergency slide back to earth, sources confirmed Friday. “After realizing that a mechanical failure had made it impossible to return to Earth in the Orion spacecraft, we released the 286-mile inflatable slide stored by the emergency exits,” said mission leader Ray Harmon, telling reporters that the assembled crew had lined up in an orderly fashion while holding their flotation devices in case they were sucked into the vacuum of space. “Fortunately we have protocols in place for this type of eventuality, and everything should go smoothly and comfortably for the passengers apart from a potential fall of a few dozen vertical miles if the slide lets out over a chasm or canyon.” At press time, Harmon confirmed that the ride down the slide had actually been kind of fun apart from burning up upon entry into the Earth’s atmosphere. 

The post Stranded NASA Astronauts Take Emergency Slide Back To Earth appeared first on The Onion.

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Our communal music is too repetitive

I work in a creative department at a fairly conservative company and am in the office four days each week. My coworkers and I share an enclosed space with individual cubicles. Much of my job involves writing. Though I can often write without “locking in,” “getting in the zone,” etc., sometimes I do really need to focus with minimal distraction.

Recently, a coworker brought in a small bluetooth speaker, and we have taken turns playing music to liven up the space a bit. My manager is fully on board. To make it easier and spend less time fiddling with bluetooth, we’re using a shared device to connect to Spotify. My coworkers – understandably – are not taking too much time to find and select music to play. They come in, press play on the device, and let the playlist roll.

I love listening to music. I don’t love listening to the same playlist over, and over, and over again. But it apparently only bothers me to hear the same songs day in and out. I will try and put on other music, which helps for a bit, but eventually we find our way back to the “default” playlist, which I guess is based off what you have played previously on the platform (It’s only about 150-200 songs). When this happens, I can barely focus on what I’m doing. I’ll pull out my own ear buds, but they tend to mix with the music on the speaker and make the problem worse.

I really don’t want to be the person that needs to turn off the music. This seems like something my coworkers really enjoy, based on how often they’re finding their way back to turn on the speaker after it’s been off for the day or after a meeting. But it’s beginning to make me hate certain songs that I had no feeling about previously, let alone the effect on my productivity. I guess the solution is just to get up and change the music when it starts bothering me — but I worry I’ll come off as overly concerned about playing DJ when really, I just don’t want to listen to “Bittersweet Symphony” for the fifth time this week!

If it really becomes a problem, I know that I would be able to just say I need some quiet for a bit and turn it off. But do you have any suggestions for how to handle that without being the office spoilsport?

I think you’re overthinking it! Just say, “Y’all, I love having the music on but I can’t take so much repetition, so I’m going to take charge of switching up the playlists unless someone else wants to” and then do that. It shouldn’t be a big deal. If anything, people will probably appreciate it.

Alternately, spend some time this weekend making a ridiculously huge 30-hour playlist and then never think about it again.

But it’s also okay to say that having music on all the time isn’t working for you! Having to write while subject to someone else’s musical choices would be rough for a lot of writers.

2. Coworker is taking advantage of our WFH flexibility

I lead a highly engaged team of exempt employees that work remotely ~90% of the time. Our department is very supportive of work/life balance and doesn’t penalize for things like doctor’s appointments or getting kids off the bus. As long as meetings are covered and work gets done, it’s all good. We have a few required in-office days each month which occur on a regular, predicable cadence.

One team member bends this flexibility more than anybody else. Although their work output is good, there have been several instances of this person sending the team a list of sporadic upcoming times that they may not be available during the day due to their child’s daytime extracurricular activities. This once resulted in a last-minute scramble to move an important meeting that had been scheduled weeks ago. Another time, they asked our manager to be exempt from all in-office days for a couple of months to accommodate a different voluntary, child-related activity (manager said no). This employee recently called into another important meeting but couldn’t be heard over the background noise. They were out of the house on an errand that could have happened at another time.

I reported this to our manager (who agrees with me) but can’t help wondering if I’m being unfair. If this person was working around something more necessary and immovable, like healthcare needs, I wouldn’t think twice. I don’t care if people work from a public place like a coffee shop or library as long as they can be fully engaged in meetings. I don’t have kids myself but have never encountered anybody else who has required this level of daytime flexibility for non-essential activities. Nobody else on the large-ish team does this.

I understand that if this person had just quietly blocked their calendar without providing any details, I would probably not be writing to you … but here we are. Is there any way to equitably standardize what appropriate flexibility looks like, or should I just erase the details from my brain and pretend they’re shuttling the kids back and forth from doctor’s appointments?

Extracurriculars are different from medical appointments. It’s reasonable to say that while your team tries to allow employees flexibility with life stuff that comes up during the day, including kid-related needs, people are expected to prioritize important meetings, participate in in-office days, and take work calls from a quiet place where they can focus and without disruptive background noise, in all but the most unusual/unavoidable of circumstances. And it’s reasonable to define “unusual/unavoidable” as medical things or rare personal emergencies.

Since your manager seems to agree with that, she needs to clarify those expectations with your coworker, who seems to be translating some flexibility into total flexibility.

3. HR has implemented a screening test for applicants that nobody can pass

Several months ago, our HR department implemented a screening test for all applicants that they must pass before being hired. This is a timed test, and the questions and acceptance criteria are the same for all jobs. None of the hiring managers had seen the test or knew anything about the questions when it was implemented.

Only about 5% of screened applicants have passed the test. As you might imagine, this is causing issues with hiring managers as they are unable to fill open positions with candidates they have already evaluated and identified as good hires.

There has been such disruption that HR decided to have all current employees take the test and use the average score to consider adjusting the acceptance criteria (individual scores are supposed to remain anonymous). This was the first time any of us had seen the test questions, and now it is clear why applicants are not passing. Most, if not all, of the questions do not pertain to the jobs we are hiring for. There are math word problems, word analogy problems, inductive reasoning pattern problems used to screen engineers, logic puzzles, etc., all with a big timer counting down the available time at the top of the screen.

I see a LOT of issues with this. The aptitudes and abilities being tested are not relevant for all positions, and some are not relevant for any positions at our company. (Nobody here needs to know the exact definition of “obfuscate” as part of their job.) It is biased against candidates who are functionally fluent in English but use it as their second language. It is biased against candidates who would perform their jobs well but do not perform well on timed tests. It may not be illegal, but I can’t see how it is useful.

I raised these concerns with HR, and also told them that if this test had been required when I applied to my position several years ago, I likely would have withdrawn my application. I would have seen it as a huge red flag that my performance would not be evaluated objectively based on the job requirements but on random criteria instead. I suspect many applicants are either not completing the test or choosing answers at random because they have similar concerns.

Am I off-base that this is a bad practice? Is there anything else I can do as a hiring manager to convince HR to change this practice?

You are not off-base; this is ridiculous. It’s a fundamental principle of hiring effectively that you screen based on the must-have’s and nice-to-have’s for the role you’re hiring for, not on factors that have nothing to do with someone’s ability to perform the job. Coincidentally, that also happens to be a fundamental principle of ensuring you have a diverse workforce with diverse perspectives.

HR shouldn’t have this kind of power. You and other hiring managers should push back hard, pointing out that HR’s job is to support managers in hiring people who will perform their jobs well, not to throw up roadblocks to finding and hiring those people. Insist on hearing a justification for the test and why it should trump your own assessment of what you need in candidates, insist on seeing data about outcomes, and escalate it as high as you need to.

4. Adult photos at work

Is showing a coworker a nude pic of a celebrity considered sexual harassment?

If they don’t want to see it, yes. If there are people nearby who don’t want to see it or hear about it, yes.

CHICAGO—Struggling to hold his phone steady while his wife spoke at the Democratic National Convention, second gentleman Doug Emhoff reportedly sent a blurry picture of Vice President Kamala Harris on stage Tuesday to his family group chat. “She’s on stage right now,” read the text, which was sent to at least 16 different phone numbers—including Emhoff’s daughter, Harris’ sister, several distant cousins, and one unknown contact—and was followed by an extremely shaky, zoomed-in live photo, 90% of which was obscured by Emhoff’s finger. “Don’t know if you all saw Kamala 2 nite. She did gr8!! Will send more pics soon. Love, Doug.” At press time, sources confirmed Emhoff had sent the completely unresponsive group chat a follow-up text that included several videos accidentally taken inside his pocket and a bitmoji of himself dancing with an American flag.

The post Doug Emhoff Sends Blurry Picture Of Harris Speaking To Family Group Chat appeared first on The Onion.

“With great power comes zero responsibility.”

“I’d rather endure a radioactive spider bite than a mediocre writer’s diatribe.”

“I’m not a hero. I’m a high-functioning alcoholic with a typewriter.”

“Never trust a person wearing green. Green is the color of goblins, envy, and the well-manicured lawns of people who never shut up about their goddamn flowerbeds.”

“I’m your friendly neighborhood despiser.”

“It’s not about the pen. It’s what you do with the pen that defines you, a dullard with ink.”

“We all wear masks. Some are figurative, others are made of cheap cosmetics and smudge in the heat.”

“I’ve stopped reading what the newspapers have to say about me. None of it is true. Except for the parts that are.”

“Everyone also has a part of themselves they would hide if they had an ounce of dignity.”

“One thing people love more than a writer is to see a writer fail so miserably that after they compose, they decompose.”

“What’s my superpower? My body heals itself from all injuries, so long as I have a chilled martini glass and a bartender with a heavy pour.”

“A well-constructed costume must be worn whenever one’s enemies are nearby.”

“My spiteful sense is always tingling.”

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The holy grail of theoretical physics is to find the long-sought theory of quantum gravity. But what if this theory is as mythical as the grail of legend? What if gravity isn’t weirdly quantum at all, but rather … just a bit messy? Or random? So says the postquantum gravity hypothesis of Jonathan Oppenheim.

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With Chicago playing host to the Democratic National Convention, Mayor Brandon Johnson is in the national spotlight. The Onion sat down with the progressive to discuss the DNC, tourism, and his first year in office. 

The Onion: What advice do you have for those visiting Chicago this week?
Johnson: Please take your shoes off when visiting our city. The carpet is new. 

The Onion: What is your most proud accomplishment since you became mayor?
Johnson: I successfully negotiated to keep my AT&T home internet bill at the introductory rate for another year.

The Onion: What is your favorite thing about Chicago?
Johnson: I really love that it is only two hours from Milwaukee.

The Onion: Do you think The Bear provided an accurate depiction of Chicago?”
Johnson: Chicago residents get screamed at by Jamie Lee Curtis way more often.

The Onion: How are you addressing the migrant crisis?
Johnson: I hired a guy to tamper with Greg Abbott’s buses so they break down in Missouri.

The Onion: What’s something that has surprised you during your time as mayor?
Johnson: Apparently Chicago isn’t the capital of Illinois, which still feels so fucked up to me.

The Onion: What motivates you?
Johnson: Knowing that I’m the mayor and if I don’t go to work, they’ll write about it in the paper.

The Onion: We have a message for you from the teachers’ union: “The raven lands at midnight.”
Johnson: Oh dear God, no, not yet, they told me I had more time!

The Onion: Where should DNC tourists go while they’re here? 
Johnson: Definitely check out the basement where Barack Obama smoked weed for the first time then freaked out and tried to take his shirt off, and then threw up in the shirt.

The post The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson appeared first on The Onion.

CHICAGO—Admitting this was the first time in quite a while they’d heard anything remotely close to positive feedback, stammering and confused Democratic National Committee leaders were reportedly unsure Monday how to process newfound praise from their constituents. “You like the candidates? Really? That’s…huh,” DNC chair Jaime Harrison said to a group of voters on the opening day of his party’s convention, later telling reporters that it was bewildering to name the Democratic nominees for president and vice president and not be greeted with indifference or resentment. “We’re going with Kamala Harris and Tim Walz—who, don’t get me wrong, are great—but you guys…you’re okay with them, too? Wow. I don’t even… But you seem pretty happy. This isn’t some kind of trick, is it? Because this isn’t even a ticket anyone voted on at the polls.” At press time, Harrison appeared to leap back in fear and demanded to know why so many Democratic voters were turning up the corners of their mouths, exposing their teeth, and clapping their hands together at a rapid pace.

The post Stammering Democrats Unsure How To Accept Positive Feedback appeared first on The Onion.

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

Here are three updates from past letter-writers.

1. My boss renegotiated my new job’s start date behind my back

I took your advice with the exit interview and shared just enough for them to understand exactly why I was leaving without having to say it outright, without getting into detail or emotionality about it. I’ve since run into a number of former colleagues from that company at conferences, many of whom expressed their support for me leaving – it seems like word has gotten around about B’s behavior and folks were upset about the circumstances of my departure, though as far as I know, B is still at the company so it sounds like not much has really changed there.

One commenter asked how it went when I informed B that I wasn’t changing my end date. The answer is, remarkably smoothly! B did express that they were upset I didn’t “negotiate” with them more before putting it in writing, though by that point HR was involved in the situation and was explicitly backing me up, so I suspect they knew that throwing a bigger fit about it would cause them more problems than it would me.

Many commenters expressed concern that my new boss C had given into B’s demands and what that would mean for our working relationship moving forward. That’s a valid worry and I appreciate everyone who brought it up, though in this case (and as some commenters noted), there were a lot of factors at play that were pressuring her into agreement, not least the close relationship between the two companies. She was pretty transparent about the complicated politics behind the decision, and I opted not to push the issue of the start date so as not to put her in a more difficult situation than she had already been cornered into by B. I’m very fortunate to be in a situation where being without work for a month was more of a vacation than a hardship, but I recognize that I’m very lucky for that to be the case!

I’m happy to report that over six months in, things are going swimmingly. The job is a big step up professionally, I’m enjoying it, and my new boss is great to work for. We’ve been able to acknowledge the bumpy transition period at the start, and she recently expressed to me that she thinks I handled the situation very professionally, which was a relief to hear. Everything has worked out well in my favor, and I’m so glad to have made the choice to leave the previous company. Thanks to all the AAM readers for your validation and support!

2. Meetings in the metaverse (#39 at the link)

A while back you answered a quick question about meetings in the metaverse.

You will perhaps be unsurprised to learn that the company that purchased expensive Oculus headsets so that everyone could join one 30-minute weekly team meeting in the Metaverse was rapidly running out of money. They laid off the head of HR and asked me to step in and manage some of her responsibilities (I was the CEO’s EA and had absolutely no HR experience or training). That was the third round of layoffs since I’d started – I was finally laid off during the fourth round.

It wasn’t a surprise, given that my first team meeting included a layoff announcement, so I’d been applying for other jobs from the get-go.

A friend of mine was laid off the same week, so we both decided to make an irresponsible choice and traveled to Ireland. It was fantastic! When I got back, I was hired into a new job pretty quickly and have been there for over a year. It’s a decent job with a boss that I like, and since we’re a nonprofit we’re far less prone to making expensive purchases for shits and giggles.

What happened to the headset? It made me nauseous and I couldn’t wear it for more than 5 minutes. You can join the metaverse using a web browser, so I just did that. When I was laid off, I was told I could keep the headset and my company-issued laptop (because the CEO didn’t feel like dealing with the logistics of taking them back). I gave the headset to a friend, and he seems to be enjoying it.

3. My company wants me to start a new job without a raise for a “test period” (#3 at the link)

Wanted to share a happy update. I wrote to my head of people outlining my hesitations in frank but unemotional terms, noting my investment in the company, track record of exceeding expectations, and that, most importantly, a new hire would not be treated the same way.

It worked! Whether I simply called their bluff or changed their hearts with dazzling rhetoric, they agreed that I would be paid my new salary on my official start date. I’m working remotely for now but am settling into my new role, loving the work and the new salary, and preparing to move from my home in the upper Midwest to our office in sunny California next month. Thanks so much for your input; you confirmed my suspicions and gave me the courage I needed to stand up for myself.

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Employee made a racist comment to her office-mate

I work in a fairly small office. We have about 12-15 people in the office. Recently, our company hired two new CSR’s. “Anne” is white and in her late fifties/early sixties. “Leah” is Black and probably in her thirties.

Anne and Leah share an office and were getting along great. You could hear chatter and laughter throughout the day coming from their office. Then yesterday, Anne made a comment to Leah about “those colored folk.” Leah told her that was inappropriate and offensive. Anne immediately got defensive and claimed that she didn’t say anything hateful.

I heard their direct manager make the comment to someone else in the office that Anne is from an era where that kind of talk was acceptable. This is raising alarm bells for me. Also, Leah is currently the only Black employee we have.

I feel like this is being mishandled. They are talking about separating them to keep the peace. What do you think should be done in this situation? I don’t manage these people, but I’m curious what your take would be.

If Anne is in her late 50s or early 60s, she’s not from an era where that phrase was acceptable. But even if she were, it doesn’t matter; she’s had decades to catch up with the times. Moreover, not only was her language not acceptable, but neither was her reaction when Leah let her know that. The right response was, “I didn’t realize, thank you for telling me, I apologize.”

As for what should be done, someone in authority needs to talk to Anne and explain that. I don’t believe in making adults apologize, but someone should have the sort of conversation with Anne that makes her want to apologize of her own volition. From there, wait and see how things go. Meanwhile, someone should also check in with Leah and see how she is and whether she’d prefer to have a different office-mate at this point.

Read an update to this letter. 

2. I’ve heard my senior coworkers think I earn too much

I work a job that is often considered entry-level in my field (think paralegal or medical scribe), but most of the folks on my team are quite seasoned and have been doing it for a decade-plus because we enjoy the work and have never been in a financial situation to afford additional degrees.

I am quite close with some of the junior professionals in our office, and I often hear from them that two of the high-up professionals who I’m often assigned to assist, Sasha and Erin, have a lot of disdain for our team and spend a lot of time badmouthing us at work lunches. They complain about how uneducated and unqualified we are and how easy our work is compared to theirs — that we are lazy and “basically do nothing all day.” One comment I heard that they made at a recent work lunch really ground my gears, though: They complained that we are overpaid. Specifically, they said our work “is basically intern work” and so we should “be paid like interns.”

Since hearing this, I haven’t been able to get this comment out of my head whenever I have to assist Sasha and Erin (who are, of course, perfectly nice to my face). Clearly Sasha and Erin don’t know this, but I make minimum wage, as does pretty much everyone who holds our position: We could not legally make less than we do. Fortunately we are not in a high cost of living area so the money is not a problem, but I still feel so angry working with these two people who have this opinion about me (and who certainly make way, way more than I do).

Is this comment, which I heard secondhand, a reasonable justification for me to ask not to have to assist Sasha and Erin anymore? If not, any suggestions for how to cope with this frustration?

Hearing that secondhand is not enough justification to ask not to assist Sasha and Erin.

It’s possible Sasha and Erin didn’t even say those things, or didn’t say them about you, or that the people passing it along to you are pursuing their own agenda in some way. In fact, in your shoes I’d be concerned about why the colleagues telling you about it are telling you about it so often; it’s one thing to give you a heads-up, but hearing it from them often sounds like they’re trying to stir the pot, and I’d be wary of that — and would consider telling them to stop (“I’d rather not hear this; I need to work with them and it’s easier if I’m not hearing a steady stream of this stuff”).

Focus on how Sasha and Erin actually treat you.

3. My employee works long hours even though I’ve told her to stop

I am a manager of a small department, where I have one full-time employee and one part-time employee who I share with another department.

My part-time employee has horrible work-life balance. She will not stop answering emails from home or when she is on PTO. She will come into work when she is sick or on work-from-home days. She is non-exempt and I know she’s not tracking this time.

I have forced her to turn off notifications before she leaves for the weekend. I have had conversations about it being okay for people to wait, or that it is hurting the rest of the department when we do not reply after-hours and people get mad. Despite her complaining about the workload, she will not take steps to help herself.

Despite being on the same page with me, the other manager seems content to tell her to work less and leave it at that. Ideally, I don’t want to escalate this to HR — she would fail the PIP or hide her actions, which would be worse. She is a wonderful person and I hold her in high regard. There may be nothing I can do, and I definitely to not want her fired. Do you have any other suggestions for ways I might be able to encourage her to sign off and stay off?

Because she’s non-exempt, you’re required by federal law to ensure that she’s not working during her off hours or that she’s paid when she does (including time and a half if she’s ever over 40 hours in a week). Legally, you don’t have the option of just encouraging her to set boundaries; legally you need to require it.

Sit down with her and let her know that your past conversations about not working in her off hours are no longer suggestions; they’re requirements of her job. Explain that she’s opening the company to legal liability by not reporting those hours, that you personally could get in trouble for allowing it, and that effective immediately it cannot happen — and if you see it’s continuing to, you’ll need to treat it as a disciplinary issue. Ask if she foresees any problems sticking to that; if she does, you want her to raise it now so that can get worked out.

From there, you need to enforce it. If you can’t do that on your own, then you do need to alert HR; again, this is a legal liability for the company, and it’s a big deal that you’re not letting them know. (In fact, you should loop them in regardless, because it sounds like your company owes your employee for unpaid hours.) You mentioned you’re worried the employee would fail a PIP, but this isn’t PIP territory; it’s a clear warning, maybe two, and that’s it. If you really think she’d ignore a clear, unambiguous warning about federal law, I think you’ve got to revisit the regard you’re holding her in.

Related:
my staff keeps working unauthorized overtime even though I told them to stop

4. Is it unprofessional to raise issues with your coworkers?

Over the last month, our team has had some major and minor changes to management, policy, and procedures. These changes have varied in inconvenience for the team, ranging from an extra few minutes to major team staffing changes with no previous notice.

I brought up in a team chat that it is concerning for these changes to be made with no real chance to voice our opinions, and was told that I was being “unprofessional.” This is my second time in the same month receiving the “unprofessional” feedback for voicing concerns. A coworker told me that I should save my opinions for 1:1s with my manager.

Previous to this job, I worked on a close team where we were encouraged to discuss team issues in a team setting. So now I am wondering if my previous team got me used to an unprofessional norm. Is it “unprofessional” to discuss concerns with your fellow employees? I’ve been proud to be a resource that some of my fellow employees have come to regarding topics such as wage disparity, benefits, and how to address issues with management, but maybe I’ve been giving bad advice based on unusual job experience.

I’m now waiting for my next 1:1 to get some additional feedback on how to increase my professionalism, but thought I would get some feedback from a neutral third party whose advice has served me well.

It’s not unprofessional to raise issues that affect your team within that team.

It can be problematic if you’re aggressive to the point of rudeness about the way you do it, or if you keep pushing when it’s clear the conversation needs to move on, or when it’s more venting than action-oriented. Even in those situations, though, it’s not necessarily unprofessional; it might be more impolitic than unprofessional. And sometimes issues need to be raised even when it’s impolitic, and sometimes “rude” really means “you’re making people uncomfortable, but you’re not wrong.”

Of course, you need to read the room. If the culture of your team or organization is that dissent is frowned upon … well, it still wouldn’t be unprofessional to raise issues, but you’d want to include that in your calculus so you can decide how much capital you’re willing to spend. (Also, that would be the sign of a tremendously unhealthy organization. Good managers want to hear about issues affecting their teams.)

But I’m curious who’s telling you that you were unprofessional. It sounds like at least once it was a coworker. Was it ever your manager? If you’re hearing it from multiple sources, there’s still important info here — either about your approach or about your team’s culture — but I’d consider the source(s).

Also: under federal law, you have the legal right to discuss wages and working conditions with coworkers. It can be to your employer’s advantage to make you feel weird about doing that. So factor that in too.

5. Asking for a raise based on a job title you don’t officially have

Asking a question on behalf of a friend, who I am encouraging to ask for a raise.

The friend joined a company two years ago as a temp with very little experience, and was hired full-time onto a newsletter marketing team. It turns out that even though the company is big and important in its field, the software and workflows for sending out the newsletters are counterintuitive, annoying, and really out of date.

My friend was so bored and annoyed that they taught themself how to code and automated the most annoying tasks. Now, they’re currently spending most of their time working with their manager and the web team to code programs and extensions to make their systems work better, which has already improved a lot of the process.

However, their title is still something like “newsletter assistant,” even though the work they’re doing now is much closer to “software developer.” Can they ask for a raise that references the market rate for a software developer, or would it be better to just list their achievements, even if they fall far outside their job description?

They should ask for a raise and a title change, framing it as “I was brought on to do X, but my role has become Y, and I’d like my title and salary to reflect the work I’m doing.”

That said, “software developer” might not be the appropriate title or pay rate; it sounds like their work has a fairly narrow focus that doesn’t necessarily match up with the way “software developer” is normally used, and if that’s the case, asking to be paid for that job’s market rate will come across as out-of-touch. But there’s a case for some sort of title change and raise.

“Pro-Trump activists’ attempt to infiltrate DNC goes hilariously awry. Far-right commentators Jack Posobiec and Charlie Kirk went to the DNC. It did not go well for them.” — The New Republic

ABBOTT: He’s a great second baseman.

COSTELLO: And what a home run yesterday!

CHARLIE KIRK (interrupting): What is a woman?

COSTELLO: Excuse me?

KIRK: What is a woman?

ABBOTT: What is a man.

KIRK: I asked you guys first.

ABBOTT: Oh, then, Who is a man.

KIRK: I’m a man! What is a woman?

ABBOTT: What is a man.

KIRK: Fine, I’ll go first. A man has a penis.

ABBOTT: Like Who.

KIRK: Like me. I’m a man.

ABBOTT: As is Who.

KIRK: Anyone who isn’t a woman. So, again, what is a woman?

ABBOTT: And again, What is a man.

KIRK: Let me ask you something. That second baseman you were talking about, the one who hit a home run, he is… what?

ABBOTT: Right.

KIRK: What?

ABBOTT: Exactly.

KIRK: What is right?

ABBOTT: No, that’s Whatever.

KIRK: What?

ABBOTT: No, Whatever.

KIRK: Okay, okay. The second baseman or whatever, I don’t care, is he a woman?

ABBOTT: They.

KIRK: The second baseman is a they?

ABBOTT: No, he’s a he, but they’re a they.

KIRK: Who?

ABBOTT: A man.

KIRK: What man?

ABBOTT: That’s what I’ve been saying.

KIRK: Whatever.

ABBOTT: Also a man.

KIRK: What???

ABBOTT. Also, a man.

KIRK: So where did they come from?

ABBOTT: St. Louis.

KIRK: Okay, so what is a woman from St. Louis?

ABBOTT: What is a man from St. Louis.

KIRK: I’m asking you!

ABBOTT: And I’m answering.

KIRK: Whatever.

ABBOTT & COSTELLO: Right!

Charlie Kirk exits.