...and almost instantaneously you'll find your hand in .. of ... uh ... very deep ... sleep ... #CowboyWho
Next week, on Space Woman Stella Star…
By Katie Surma, Kiley Price
The Florida Attorney General’s office announced a criminal investigation into the deaths of dozens of sloths at a now-shuttered Orlando business, a development that signals a new level of animal-welfare accountability in the commercial wildlife trade.
The April 27th issue of Jinja Shinpō carried the annual article about newly graduated priests on its front page. This article is about priests who have completed full-time courses, mostly at Kōgakkan and Kokugakuin Universities. (There are half-a-dozen much smaller institutions around the country, but they had a total of only thirteen graduates this year.) It does not include people who train part-time, or through the short (eight weeks or so) courses held by prefectural Jinjachō. I do not know exact numbers for priests trained through these two routes, but my impression is that, taken together, they are on about the same scale as the universities. Influential priests, on the other hand, have almost all graduated from one of the two universities.
This year, Kōgakkan had 59 graduates, seven fewer than last year, of whom 52 (one fewer than last year) went to serve at jinja. There were another five people who were at the university but qualified as priests through other routes (the article does not go into detail), and who went to serve at jinja. Eighteen of the graduates were women, and fifteen went to serve at jinja. Nine of them became priests, two miko, and six went to work in jinja offices. (Those numbers appear to include two of the non-graduate priests, but the article does not say where they went.)
Kokugakuin had 135 graduates, one fewer than last year, of whom 92 went to serve at jinja. Forty six of the graduates were female, and 24 women went to serve at jinja. Fourteen women went to serve as full-time priests, seven as part-time priests, and three as miko or administrative staff. Of the five graduates who went on to graduate school, three were women.
Only 68.1% of Kokugakuin graduates went to serve at jinja, as compared to 88.1% at Kōgakkan, and the Kokugakuin proportion is down 6.1 percentage points on last year. This is directly addressed in the article, and the university raises two points. First, they have a high proportion of students who are not from hereditary priestly families, and they have a tendency to go into other lines of work. Second, young people today do not expect to spend their entire career working in the company they first join (which was the expectation in Japan not so long ago), and the university does get enquiries from qualified individuals who have worked in another field and want to shift into the priesthood.
Both universities commented that the new priests were looking at serving all across Japan, and that jinja in or near their hometowns were a popular choice — even for people who were not going to serve at their family jinja. This is a positive change from a few years ago, when new priests were focused on big cities.
At Kōgakkan, 31% of the graduates were women, and 83% of them went to serve at jinja, as compared to 90% of the men. Given the small numbers involved, I’m not sure that the difference in the latter numbers is significant. At Kokugakuin, on the other hand, 34% of the graduates were women, and 52% of them went to serve at jinja, as opposed to 76% of the men. That difference does look significant. I am not sure how to interpret it, though, given the much smaller difference at Kōgakkan.
I have saved the most worrying statistics for last, however. Kōgakkan was informed of 359 vacancies at 175 jinja, and was able to fill 44 of them. Kokugakuin was informed of 372 vacancies at 204 jinja, and managed to fill 37 of them. If we assume that every jinja that approached Kōgakkan also approached Kokugakuin (which is almost certainly not true), then about 22% of the vacancies were filled. If all the jinja only approached one university then about 11% of the vacancies were filled. I am sure that some of these vacancies are repeated over multiple years, so the universities could not consistently place five times their current numbers, but even so the crisis of recruitment in Shinto is plain.
This is a problem that the Shinto community does not seem to be taking any concrete steps to address, although it is one that they are well aware of. I do not know why.
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Carney has announced a plan to sell off Canadian airports, thus generating revenue for his new sovereign wealth fund, and assures Canadians they will surely pay less in airports owned by Canada’s most-rapacious corporate monopolies. “If there’s one thing Canadians know, it’s that they will never be gouged by companies like […]
The post Privatized airports means Canadians will pay less flying Air Canada out of Rogers Airport sponsored by Draft Kings appeared first on The Beaverton.
EDMONTON — The Centurion Project, an Alberta separatist organization, has been accused of illegally accessing the personal information of nearly three million voters, in a patriotic display of separating Albertans from their privacy. “Whether it’s Alberta and Canada or the barriers keeping your address from the conspiracy theorists who make up our membership, we’re all […]
The post Alberta separatists separate Albertans from their privacy appeared first on The Beaverton.
Turn this thing off! Turn this thing off, you hear me! #CowboyWho
Hey, we're not arm wrestling anymore Cowboy Slim. #CowboyWho
Her copilot is some sort of loofa/human hybrid.
The post Casey Means Sucked Back Into Magical Neti Pot appeared first on The Onion.
MURCIA, SPAIN—Sending shock waves through the tennis world, world No. 2 Carlos Alcaraz officially withdrew from the French Open on Monday over a career-threatening haircut. “After careful consideration, we have decided that the most prudent decision is not to participate in Rome or Roland-Garros while we wait to assess the severity of this tragic styling choice,” said a representative for the two-time defending champion, who was also forced to miss a portion of last year’s clay season due to an uneven fade on the right side of his head. “At this point, there are concerns that pushing himself to play in the tournament with this baffling look would only do further damage to the follicles and potentially even leave his hairline permanently mangled. The best move is to take some time off to see how this cut grows out as experts determine what, if anything, can be done to find a shape better suited for his face by the start of grass season.” When reached for comment, rival Jannik Sinner publicly wished Alcaraz a speedy lengthening process.
The post Carlos Alcaraz Withdraws From French Open Over Career-Threatening Haircut appeared first on The Onion.
“This can’t be good.” Luke and the Panel (Megan MacKay and Nile Seguin) try to understand how a Sovereign Wealth Fund works in a country with a massive deficit, discuss the fallout from the White House Correspondent’s Dinner shooting being used to give Trump a ballroom, and break down the impact of massive Rogers’ layoffs. […]
The post Rogers puts statues of Ted Rogers in front of nation’s unemployment offices appeared first on The Beaverton.
Cowboy Who?I wonder it the microphone is picking up their dancing?
♫ Idiot control now! ♫
♫ Hideous control now! ♫
QUEEN’S PARK — After a poll announced yesterday that Doug Ford’s Conservative government was trailing behind the Liberals for the first time in almost a decade, a visibly sweating Ford held a press conference to announce that he will be filling the entirety of Lake Ontario with Ontarians’ beer of choice. “Folks, me and my […]
The post Sweating Doug Ford announces plan to fill Lake Ontario with beer appeared first on The Beaverton.
HUNT VALLEY, MD—Hailing the product as a life-changing alternative for those in need of controlled withdrawal solutions, officials at packaged food giant McCormick & Co. introduced a first-of-its-kind smooth and hearty transdermal gravy patch Tuesday. “At McCormick, we know well the frustrations and difficult side effects that come with abrupt attempts to quit gravy, so we’ve created these unobtrusive, easy-to-apply patches to help you avoid withdrawal symptoms while slowly weaning your body off of thick, flavorful sauces,” company spokesperson Meghan DuCharme said of the slow-release patches, which work to taper off the amount of gravy being released into one’s system and come in a variety of flavors, including chicken, turkey, mushroom, and brown. “We know getting off gravy can be tough. If you’re someone whose dependence on gravy makes quitting a challenge, these over-the-counter patches deliver a full meal’s worth of savory goodness in a controlled dose so you can fully monitor how much gravy you’re taking in.” DuCharme stressed that users should rotate the gravy patch daily to avoid lumps in their bloodstream.
The post McCormick Introduces New Transdermal Gravy Patch appeared first on The Onion.
The 2026 Met Gala will take place Monday, May 4. The Onion examines the key facts and figures behind the annual star-studded event.
Invitees aware the Met is a museum
Floor where the real Anna Wintour is safely stored while her decoy attends the gala
Target gift card awarded to “Best Dressed” winner
Cost to sit at a table and watch Jacob Elordi eat shrimp
Amount of Maggie Gyllenhaals who typically show up
Minimum number of inches hemline must extend beyond fingertips to comply with dress code
Members in the “Post Your Met Gala Dress 2026” Facebook group
Cost of last-minute program reprint to fix “Anna Centaur” typo
The post The Met Gala By The Numbers appeared first on The Onion.
A nonprofit in Rwanda gave gorillas bank accounts as a way to provide compensation to those who render assistance to them, with both the government and donors funding the project. What do you think?
“So I wasn’t imagining what I saw at the ATM.”
Marvin Malone, Lime Distributor
“Until they work for the money, they won’t understand its value.”
Nick Villanueva, Unemployed
“This will be much safer than making them carry cash around everywhere.”
Elle Chapman, Raccoon Trapper
The post Conservationists Give Gorillas Bank Accounts appeared first on The Onion.
The post Phish Ask Fans To Stop Hacky-Sacking Sphere appeared first on The Onion.
The post Racehorse Receives Carrot Every Time He Wins $2 Million For Owner appeared first on The Onion.
