John Drury

Just when we think everyone has stacked every burger on top of every breakfast sandwich, or wrapped a waffle around every available form of meat, a whole new world of secret menu items is uncovered.

For their upcoming issue, on sale Oct. 23, Mad Magazine’s Scott Maiko and Mike Loew have compiled 21 heretofore hidden menu items into one graphic that exemplifies the magazine’s 60-year history of serious journalism.

You can click on the image at the top to see the items, along with actual photographs proving that these are 100% authentic secret menu items and not at all fictional.

Below are the full descriptions of each of the items, which range from the edible-but-why-would-you (Chicken McFlurry, Colonel’s Cheesy Discharge, Jacksonville Lube Job) to potential lawsuit territory (Sausage McMuffin with Sponge, Heimlich Delite, Trawler’s Haul) to ones some of us may have actually been served at some point (Ghost Taco Supreme, Extra Extra Extra Crispy chicken, Whopper Hyperdunk).

McDONALD’S
Grimace’s Lament: Equal parts creamy strawberry shake and Filet-o-Fish tartar sauce.

Sausage McMuffin with Sponge: Toasted English muffin, savory sausage hot off the griddle, a slice of melted American cheese and the sponge they use to wipe the griddle clean when breakfast service is over.

Chicken McFlurry: Reduced-fat soft serve vanilla ice cream with Chicken McNuggets swirled in, with caramel and barbecue sauce drizzled on top.

TACO BELL
Saucedilla: Six hot sauce packets folded into a freshly grilled tortilla.

Ghost Taco: Crunchy corn taco shell unfettered by seasoned beef, crisp shredded lettuce and real cheddar cheese.

Ghost Taco Supreme: Crunchy corn taco shell unfettered by seasoned beef, crisp shredded lettuce and real cheddar cheese, but loaded with sour cream.

LONG JOHN SILVER’S
Trawler’s Haul: Whitefish filet and eight shrimp served in an employee’s hair net.

Low Tide at Innsmouth: Platter of fish, shrimp and hushpuppy remnants that fell through the basket and settled on the bottom of the deep fryer. (Call ahead to find out when they drain the oil!)

Tropical Windstorm on the Farm: Salmon caesar salad dumped into a plastic grocery bag, then tossed and gently warmed by holding the bag under the hand dryer in the ladies’ room.

KFC
Colonel’s Cheesy Discharge: Fried chicken crumbs from the trays in the display warmer, swimming in a cup of mac & cheese sauce.

Mass Grave: Large bucket with chicken byproducts (left over from processing of new “Boneless Chicken”) buried in mashed potatoes.

Extra-Extra-Extra Crispy: Chicken pieces that have been left in the fryer overnight. (Order the night before.)

SUBWAY
Six-Inch Cleanup: Sub made entirely with items that have fallen into the wrong ingredient receptacles, garnished with the bits and crumbs that accumulate on that long white cutting board.

Heimlich Delite: Avocado pits drenched in marinara sauce, served on your choice of bread.

Lapsed Veggie: A sub piled high with peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers and lettuce, hiding the wads of roast beef, black forest ham, salami and bacon crammed underneath.

ARBY’S
Arby-LGBTQ: Standard Arby-Q sandwich prepared specifically by a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender employee.

Potato Cake, Trapezoid Style: Shredded potato fried to a crispy golden brown, custom formed before frying from their regular triangular shape into a convex quadrilateral with at least one pair of parallel sides.

Atlanta Dip: French Dip sandwich served with a cup of heated Coca-Cola syrup in place of au jus.

BURGER KING
Jacksonville Lube Job: Unwrapped Triple Whopper sliding around on a heavily-mayonnaised Whopper Jr. bun with extra mayo between each patty. (Available at drive-thru only and served without napkins.)

Crispy Prince Albert: Chicken wrap with an onion ring attached to one end.

Whopper Hyperdunk: 1/4 pound beef patty stepped on by the grill cook and embossed with the tread from the bottom of his $200 basketball sneakers.

For many people, having a Chipotle restaurant move in next door would mean infinite joy and probably infinite weight gain. One couple in Hershey, Pennsylvania is very unhappy that the fast-casual eatery has a restaurant under construction next door to their home.

They had already filed a lawsuit attempting to stop construction of some of the planned parking spaces and an outdoor seating area before a scary incident one afternoon this week when construction work made their house shake as if there were an extremely small but intense earthquake concentrated on the Chipotle build site. Everyone in the house hit the ground, assuming that there was a massive earthquake. That doesn’t happen very often in Pennsylvania, but is theoretically possible. Or something even worse might have happened: one of the homeowners told a local newspaper that “[e]verything was shaking, like a big bomb went off.”

The couple now claim that there are cracks in their foundation, walls, and ceilings that didn’t exist before the ground-pounding incident. Engineers are now investigating and hope to determine whether that’s really the case, or whether the cracks already existed before the new restaurant was even a guacamole glimmer in the chain’s eye.

Apart from the noise and possible cracks, the couple are concerned about parking, traffic, and their quality of life once the restaurant opens. They have lived in their home for 35 years and aren’t keen to pick up and move.

Chipotle construction may have damaged her Hershey house, neighbor says [Patriot-News]

If you have the fear over the upcoming Thief, then I have a soothing salve to help alleviate the symptoms. The Dark Mod, a fairly well-known Doom 3 modification, has been freed from the sci-fi prison of Doom 3 ownership: the modders fulfilled the promise they made years ago and used the source code of the engine to turn their wonderful Thief restoration into a free download. Now all you need is a capable PC, an internet connection, and a cowl. That last one is non-negotiable.
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In line with a report from last month, iPod creator Tony Fadell's company Nest today announced the launch of Nest Protect, a $129 connected smoke and carbon monoxide detector for the home. The detector wirelessly connects with other units and with the Nest Learning Thermostat to enhance the functionality of each product while also offering a more informative and flexible experience for users.

These products should keep us safe, not annoy us. Nest Protect: Smoke + Carbon Monoxide does much more than just sound a shrill alarm when there’s danger in your home. It speaks to you, telling you where the danger is and what the problem is. And before it sounds a piercing alarm, Nest Protect gives you a friendly Heads-Up warning that you can silence with a wave of your hand – no more swinging towels or brooms to try to quiet a false alarm. It integrates with your mobile devices and even messages you if the batteries run low, avoiding that all-too-familiar midnight low-battery chirp.

Nest Protect contains six different types of sensors (photoelectric smoke sensor, CO sensor, heat sensor, light sensor, ultrasonic sensors, activity sensor) to help the device interpret its environment, and includes a green glowing light that can serve both as a quick indicator that the device is functioning properly after lights are turned off and as a nightlight, automatically lighting a person's path when it senses their movements.

The connected nature of Protect allows multiple units to alert users to rising smoke or CO levels anywhere in the house while also specifying where in the house the issue is occurring. Integration with the Nest Learning Thermostat improves the thermostat's Auto-Away feature, which automatically adjusts heating and cooling based on whether anyone is in the home, allowing Protect units to serve as remote sensors for detecting any occupants in the home.


Nest Protect is available for pre-order now and will launch next month. It is priced at $129 and be available in both black and white versions, with each color being available in wired and battery-powered versions. Users will be able to control Protect and receive alerts through the Nest Mobile app for iOS, which will updated with Protect support when the device launches.

You’re a slushie machine. You sit at home at the convenience store of the gas station, churning out sweet frozen delight and depositing it in customers’ cups. Then along comes an unclothed someone who wants to beat you up — and for what? What did you ever do to deserve such a beat down?

The aggrieved slushie machine in this instance was minding its own chilly business at a Shell station in Massachusetts when police say a woman took off all her clothing in a violent attack on the machine.

WWLP.com’s 22News reports that cops had to use a taser and pepper to subdue the 26-year-old suspect while her two children were in the car in the wee hours of Sunday morning.

State Troopers called in police to help them out when they found the woman causing damage to the machine inside the store. According to authorities, she resisted their efforts and took off all her clothes while continuing to fight, kick and yell until she was placed under arrest.

As for any reason why a slushie machine would become the victim of such an outburst, a police representative says her behavior could indicate PCP use, because people under its effects can feel hot and agitated. And slushies are very cold, so maybe that makes sense?

Poor slushie machine. Keep churning, little guy.

Woman took off clothes in slushie machine attack, police say [WWLP.com]

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Zombie Studios' horror game Daylight will support the Oculus Rift virtual reality headset, the developer announced last week, giving fans of scares delivered via video game the chance to immerse themselves deeper in the experience. At Indiecade in Culver City, Calif. this weekend, Zombie brought its Unreal Engine 4-powered game and an Oculus Rift dev kit to show how effective their take on VR horror will be.

In a time-limited demo, we explored the abandoned, haunted asylum of Daylight. Guided only by the light of the protagonist's smartphone flashlight and its glowing LCD screen, we chased down shadows while looking for a way out of the game's creepy procedurally-generated hospital. Unfortunately, I had little in the way of success.

B...

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So I've managed to strike a compromise: I will continue to play GTA 5, but I've modified the gameplay experience into a more pro-social, high-concept affair that I can feel good about.

In this tutorial, I will show you how you can join the fun! You will need:

- Sturdy watercolor paper
- Scissors
- A Sharpie
- Scotch tape
- Some elbow grease and a winning attitude!

With these supplies, I have created four wonderful GTA 5-powered games that you might enjoy.

Sober Feminist Game Developer

A large contingent of the internet is terribly allergic to feminist discourse, and as it concerns GTA 5, this is especially true. The comments section of the L.A. Times' game review, which clocks in at more than 300 posts, is just one of many examples...

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yeahiwasintheshit:

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archiemcphee:

Believe it or not, these enormous stingrays aren’t abnormally oversized. They’re Giant Freshwater Stingrays, native to large rivers and estuaries of Southeast Asia. As you may have guessed from the photos, they’re among the very largest freshwater fish in the world. These stingrays can grow to be over 16-feet-long and weigh up to 1,300 lbs. They sport 15-inch-long serrated, venomous stingers, but these creatures are gentle and inquisitive giants who only use their built-in weapon as a last resort for self-defense. They’re also extremely endangered.

Though this could be the largest freshwater fish on the planet, accounts of its existence only emerged in Thai newspapers in the early 1980s. It’s exceedingly rare to see one, in part because it destroys all but the strongest fishing rods and lines. Even if you have the right equipment, the giant freshwater stingray tends to take exception to being hunted and buries itself in the river bottom when hooked.

“They’re inquisitive, they’re not as shy as most other species of fish,” said Zeb Hogan, a conservation biologist with the University of Nevada, Reno. “There aren’t many fish out there that like to be approached, that will stay in one place if they’re close to humans, and the stingrays don’t seem to mind being in close proximity to humans. They don’t in some cases seem to even mind contact.”

Photos courtesy of Zeb Hogan, University of Nevada

Visit Wired to view more photos of and learn much more about the awesome Giant Freshwater Stingrays of Southeast Asia.

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Following Tuesday's report that Samsung artificially inflates its benchmarking scores, well-respected hardware review site AnandTech has published evidence suggesting nearly all mobile manufacturers, with the exception of Apple and Motorola, use CPU/GPU optimizations to game benchmark tests.

Samsung and other OEMs use a variety of methods to enhance device performance when a benchmark is detected. For example, with its Galaxy S 4 Samsung raised its thermal limits (and max GPU frequency) to get an edge on certain benchmarks and also raised its CPU voltage/frequency to its highest state when a benchmark was sensed, a tactic engaged by multiple manufacturers like LG, HTC, and ASUS as well.

In the table below, Anandtech highlights devices that detect benchmarks and immediately respond with max CPU frequency.

With the exception of Apple and Motorola, literally every single OEM we’ve worked with ships (or has shipped) at least one device that runs this silly CPU optimization. It’s possible that older Motorola devices might’ve done the same thing, but none of the newer devices we have on hand exhibited the behavior. It’s a systemic problem that seems to have surfaced over the last two years, and one that extends far beyond Samsung.

AnandTech notes that it’s a continual "cat and mouse" game discovering which devices have optimized for which benchmarks, because targeted benchmarks must be avoided.

The only realistic solution is to continue to evolve the suite ahead of those optimizing for it. The more attention you draw to certain benchmarks, the more likely they are to be gamed. We constantly play this game of cat and mouse on the PC side, it's just more frustrating in mobile since there aren’t many good benchmarks to begin with. […]

There's no single solution here, but rather a multi-faceted approach to make sure we’re ahead of the curve. We need to continue to rev our test suite to stay ahead of any aggressive OEM optimizations, we need to petition the OEMs to stop this madness, we need to work with the benchmark vendors to detect and disable optimizations as they happen and avoid benchmarks that are easily gamed.

Despite all of the effort that OEMs put into benchmark optimizations, the gains are negligible. The impact on CPU tests revealed a 0 to 5 percent performance increase, and a less than 10 percent increase on GPU benchmarks.

blathers gets down to some kk slider

Until this moment, eating in the car has been a complete and total disaster: Where do you put the food? Why is there no table? How is a reasonable person supposed to feel confident operating heavy machinery and munching without solutions to these problems?!? Luckily, KFC has found a way to quiet the masses clamoring to be free of all fetters whilst dining en vehicle: Snack containers that fit in your cup holder.

I know, your mind is totally and completely blown. KFC was expecting this, because heretofore the only things in cup holders were not pieces of chicken you could eat — more like change, your phone, a handful of pistachios you meant to eat later and then forgot about.

But now there’s a solution, and it seems KFC is expecting a food revolution. According to KFC’s infographic (via FoodBeast): 42% of Americans would be more likely to eat in their cars if the food container could fit in their cup holder. And what’s more, KFC knows who is probably doing the eating — for millennials ages 18-32, that could be 53% of people, if they had such a miraculous device in place.

Go Cups will come with one of five choices, paired with seasoned potato wedges for $2.49: Original Recipe Boneless chicken, a Chicken Little sandwich, two Extra Crispy Tenders, three Hot Wings or four Original Recipe Bites.

Everything is going to change. EVERYTHING. Either that, or you’ll keep eating fast food out of the bag it came in and wiping your hands on your pants. Whatever.

Like it did with its Galaxy S 4 smartphone, Samsung has once again been caught artificially increasing CPU speeds on its Galaxy Note 3 phone when benchmark apps are running, reports Ars Technica.

Samsung uses special code inside its operating system to identify benchmarking apps by name to boost CPU clock speeds and prevent CPU cores from entering low-power modes. As a result, Ars discovered, Galaxy Note 3 benchmarks report CPU performance roughly 20 percent faster than most apps will experience on the device.

The difference is remarkable. In Geekbench's multicore test, the Note 3's benchmark mode gives the device a 20 percent boost over its "natural" score. With the benchmark boosting logic stripped away, the Note 3 drops down to LG G2 levels, which is where we initially expected the score to be given the identical SoCs. This big of a boost means that the Note 3 is not just messing with the CPU idle levels; significantly more oomph is unlocked when the device runs a benchmark.

Apple executive Phil Schiller -- senior vice president of Worldwide Marketing and the most prolific tweeter amongst Apple's senior staff -- linked to the Ars article in a tweet, saying only "shenanigans".

Animated sitcom South Park's latest video game-related spoof will venture into the addictive world of Minecraft.

A teaser clip tweeted by Comedy Central sees the adults of South Park looking for someone to teach them how to play the crafting-based sandbox game. Check out the video above to see their negotiating skills in action. The episode airs this Wednesday.

Minecraft isn't the show's first gaming spoof. Other notable episodes include Cartman's long wait for a Wii and a parody of massive multiplayer online role-playing game World of Warcraft. The upcoming role-playing game based on the show, South Park: The Stick of Truth, launches Dec. 10 for Windows PC, PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360.

Free-to-play virtual life simulator Second Life received a major overhaul following the game's 10th anniversary earlier this summer, adding new features and updating the game's graphics, according to a new trailer for the game.

In addition to giving graphics a fresh coat of paint and upgrading the game's lightning, the trailer boasts "better performance" and improved speed of avatar loading. Chat tools have also been streamlined for ease of communication between players, and users can now share in-game screenshots and accomplishments through Facebook integration.

The trailer also mentions a newly improved "welcome experience," presumably for new players who are just getting their feet wet, and a "simplified" in-game shopping...

Perhaps you sent a sassy little message to your work crush this morning on Google Talk, the chat application Gmail users employ on iPhones and Android devices. But then your mom is all, “Honey, what’s this about ‘tackling me, gently of course’ the next time you see me?” Google Talk users were up in arms on the Internet this morning, claiming that their chat messages were going to the wrong recipients. 

As far as I know, my mother did not receive any messages she shouldn’t have, but The Verge points to a plethora of users who complained that their missives were misguided.

The snafu appears to have occurred this morning, with users seeing their messages going to others on their contact lists, and in some cases, to people not even on their contact list at all.

It could be linked to users who haven’t upgraded their apps to the Google Hangouts service, something yours truly has refused to do because I just don’t like it.

Google told The Verge in a statement that “the issue has been resolved and all services are gradually returning to normal.” It says it’s “identified the problem, stopped it from recurring, and are currently working on a fix.”

The company is also “very sorry to anyone affected.” Including any parents now scarred by your potty mouth and/or that guy at work who didn’t even know he was your crush until your message about his intense, all-seeing eyes went to him instead of your best friend. Again, totally hypothetical, of course.

Google Talk users complain of messages being sent to wrong recipients (update) [The Verge]

Developer Boone Calhoun has recreated the trench run sequence featured in Star Wars: A New Hope for the Oculus Rift virtual reality headset.

As demonstrated in the video above, users can look around the cockpit of the X-Wing, equipped with an R2D2 chirping in the back. The demonstration features a console controller input.

The trench run follows numerous other Oculus Rift projects, such as SkyDIEving, an experimental demo which challenges users to virtually freefall from an airplane. Game programmer Teddy Lipowitz has developed a first-person cover-based shooter demo and a real-time tower defense strategy game.

Last week, Oculus VR announced the winners of its Oculus VR Jam 2013, where competitors were tasked with creating software...

A digital version of Pandemic: The Board Game will launch on iPad on Oct. 3, developer Z-Man Games announced today on the company's website.

The board game Pandemic launched in 2008 and has since been translated into 14 languages. In the game, players must find cures for four diseases that have broken out in different parts of the world — before populations are wiped out. Up to four players can participate, with each taking on one of five roles: medic, scientist, researcher, operations expert and dispatcher.

In the iPad version, players will be able to choose one of seven different roles to combat the viral threat. Players can also pick one of three difficulty levels (beginner, intermediate and expert) as well as play single-player...

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A Vitamin Water promotion in Canada played bilingual Mad Libs, pairing a word in English with a word in French for what were sure to be hilarious results. The end product was not so hilarious when the paired words were “you” in English and the French word for “late.” A woman whose younger sister has autism and cerebral palsy opened up the “YOU RETARD” bottle, and was offended.

After all, what if her sister had been out to eat with her that night and ordered Vitamin Water? Their father wrote to the Coca-Cola board, unable to figure out how a promotion like this could go forward.

Coke Letter

Coke claims that the random words had been reviewed for offensive meanings in French, but not in English. Well, okay, but most of Canada is anglophone, and the offending bottle turned up in a restaurant in the midwestern province of Alberta. The woman who opened the bottle doesn’t speak French at all: even if she did, “you retard” is a grammatical phrase in English but not in Franglais.

Coca-Cola, for their part, apologized, but didn’t explain what they were thinking. “We did not mean to offend at all,” a Canadian spokesperson told Metro. “We are certainly very apologetic for this oversight.”

An executive told the paper that remaining caps that were part of the promotion were destroyed in order to prevent any more hilarious mixups. “At no point in time did we intend on offending anyone by any stretch,” he said, “and we have cancelled and moved on and have dealt with this as soon as possible.”

Coca-Cola apologizes to Alberta family for ‘YOU RETARD’ bottle cap [Metro]

Sony's next-generation console, the PlayStation 4, will allow video capture of games over HDMI, the company announced at its Tokyo Game Show 2013 keynote today.

Brad Douglas, head of third-party relations for Sony Computer Entertainment, followed up the announcement on Twitter, saying "Details will follow soon." Douglas confirmed the news with Polygon today.

Sony home console division president Masayasu Ito announced during the keynote speech that PlayStation Network users on PS4 will be able to identify themselves using their real name. According to Ito, the move is to encourage casual gamers to join the PSN community.

The PS4 will launch in North America on Nov. 15, and in Europe on Nov. 29. Beginning December this year, the PS4...

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this is honestly the best thing i have drawn in weeks

penelopegazin:

adhd Dream girl gif I did