Starflier

drhaniwa:

現在だったら確実に問題行動扱いされる昔の遊び

i got more bad news. if you ever ate “cheese with rice,” i’m pretty sure that counts too

an easy one for you. have a great thursday

unfortunately, what a person does in their own home is their business.

rip planet earth, 4.54 billion bce – 2015

neilaglet:

Just realized there were another couple of jokes I meant to put in here. Oh well. Didn’t have room anyways. I’ll try to put ‘em up later.

aubreylstallard:

Tiger Tateishi

we made it! we made it to the year everything looks like it was designed in 1985. toss me a pepsi perfect

in all honestly, i’m upset that more brands didn’t take hold of this. after all, the 80s and 90s came back in, culturally, and what’d we get?

• ultra-limited nike mags that were like $1,500 and didn’t even have power laces
• a hoverboard that meets the criterium, but says dumb “hendo” on it and not even mattel
• NO PEPSI PRODUCTS WHATSOEVER, that was the easiest one to do!!!
• also usa today is out of business. oh wait it’s not out of business, easy mistake to make

Marvel Age #31


Marvel Age #37


Marvel Age #39


Marvel Age #40


Marvel Age #42


Marvel Age #50


Marvel Age #57


Marvel Age #57


Marvel Age #59


Marvel Age #60

comicartistevolution:

Kyle Baker 1985-1986: “It’s Genetic” from Marvel Age #31 - 60

Having landed an internship at Marvel somewhat effortlessly and being well-liked in the Bullpen, Baker could have been a shoo-in for a bright future at Marvel. The big problem is that Marvel is mostly in the superhero business, and Baker is the first to admit he’s not a big superhero fan.

I was still trying to be funny, and I had been submitting strips to syndicates with no luck. It’s very hard to get into a newspaper syndicate. Jim Shooter and Stan Lee both tried to help me get into the syndicate that does the Spider-Man strip. Shooter liked me — I was doing some Marvel stuff, too — but he felt that I was just all wrong for Marvel, because they didn’t do any comedy. So he was always trying to get me set up at the syndicate so he could get rid of me. [laughter] That was nice of him — I’m not knocking him.

During his time freelancing at Marvel, Jim Salicrup commissioned him to write a few one-panel gags about the X-Men, called “It’s Genetic” published sporadically in the pages of Marvel Age’s “Mutant Report” feature. 

Baker did twelve of these comics over the course of a little over a year and it’s the first time we get to see him in his element. I have a fond memory of these comics and loved the way he drew such a short squat Wolverine.

these are unreal ahahahaha

“Okay, sir, we managed to put it out.”

“Oh, thank you! Thank you, so much!
I don’t know what we would do without
our gallant firefighters — “

“Yeah. Right. Look, sir, let me be frank:
This is the third time in as many weeks
that we’ve had to come out here to put out a fire.”

“Yes, and I appreciate that — “

“We came out five times in the previous month.
Six in the month before that. In fact, sir, we’ve
lost count of the number of times we’ve had to
come out here to put out a fire.”

“I’m sorry, gentlemen, but if
there was anything I could do — “

“But there is, sir. We’ve traced every single fire to
the same cause: Old, poorly installed, deteriorating
power lines that are not up to contemporary building codes.”

“I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

“Sir, you are running higher currents through
them than they were designed to take. They were
not well thought out or properly installed in the
first place. The insulation, which was inadequate
to begin with, is fraying and falling off.”

“You can’t expect me to go without power!”

“That’s not what we’re saying at all. Yes, have
power in your house, but recognize the old system
needs to be replaced and upgrade.”

“There’s nothing wrong with the old system.
Why, it’s original to this house.”

“Precisely my point, sir. Times have changed.
Load demands have changed. You need to replace
it and upgrade it.”

“But my grandfather built this house by hand!
I would be insulting his memory if I yanked the old wires
out and replaced them with new wiring! And besides that,
look at the cost, look at the inconvenience!”

“Less costly and inconvenient than having fires break
out periodically when they could easily be prevented.”

“I understand what you’re saying, and I see the logic
behind it, but really, it’s not at all a practical solution
for me. Other home owners, yes, but not me.

“However, I am listening to what you’re saying, and I do
think I have a solution, one that will satisfy your concerns
while at the same time be easy and convenient for me.”

“And that would be…?”

“I’m going to punish the wood
in my house for catching fire.”

.

.

art by Irwin Smith
text © Buzz Dixon

 

the supernatural entity sat in the bar / nursing a drink / singing this song of woe:

It’s always the same, billions and billions of times.  Doesn’t matter who, doesn’t matter where, doesn’t matter when; it’s always the same deal, and it’s always the same answer.

Here’s what I offer them:
I’ve got a job for you.  It will be hard work, but it will never require more than forty hours a week from you.  It may be difficult, at times distasteful, but it will never harm your body or soul.

It will be a meaningful job, a productive job.  No one will be made to suffer in any way because of this job.

In return for forty hours a week of your best effort — and there are benchmarks to determine this — you may have anything and everything you want.

Let me repeat that: 
Anything and everything.  As many mansions as you like, as many yachts, private jets, food, drink, toys, whatever.  Things that haven’t even been invented yet, things you can’t even imagine will all be yours.

The catch?  Why, yes, there is a catch.  What ever you earn, the rest of humanity will get for free.  You may not tell anybody about your job, you may not take credit for their easy lives.  You will work thanklessly, anonymously, and for the rest of your life to provide a golden age for everyone else.

There is my offer: 
A lifetime of toil in return for a lifetime free of want, but you will be the only person who has to work for it.

Am I angel or devil?  Your answer will reveal which you think I am.

And wouldn’t you know it?

They all have

the same.

Damned.

Answer.

.

.

.

art by Norman Rockwell
text © Buzz Dixon

Jurassic World (2015)

Synopsis. John Hammond’s dream of a thriving dinosaur amusement park is finally and successfully realized, but a genetic contingency designed to take away the dinosaurs’ legs if they escape backfires, and instead gives the dinosaurs extra legs.

Tagline. They thought they didn’t have a leg to stand on. Now they’re legging it for their lives.

Social media promotion. “Tweet with hashtag #legday for a chance to win Chris Pratt’s 1998 Ford Taurus.”

Trivia

• Jurassic World is the first film in the Jurassic Park franchise to be written by Fanfiction.net user SnapexMalfoy2039.
• Chris Pratt’s character’s name, “John Clevergirl,” is a reference to the original Jurassic Park (1993).
• Animators spent four months under the direction of Phil Tippett to compose the 200+ effects shots of the movie’s villain: a super-intelligent ultrasaurus leg with a knee-mounted surface-to-air missile launcher.
• This movie perhaps leans the hardest on the franchise’s “man vs. the natural order” subtext, as evidenced by the final line of dialogue, “That settles it. Science can only destroy.”
• This is director Colin Trevorrow’s first film, not counting his other movie.

Mistakes

• Continuity. A flashlight changes hands between shots during the scene where scientists discover a dead dilophosaur had been evolving rudimentary helicopter blades.
• An animal that is just “a wheel of legs” without a brain, digestive tract or internal organs would not be able to commandeer an emergency loudspeaker system.
• Incorrectly regarded as goof. Donald Gennaro (Martin Ferrero) returns, a lawyer who was torn in half and eaten in the original Jurassic Park. A scene which was cut for time explains his survival — when asked about it, Gennaro replies “That was a long time ago.”
• Despite the similarity of the words, dinosaurs would not be attracted to dynamite.
• Chairwoman Beth Lifefindsaway (Bryce Dallas Howard) tells Clevergirl to have a seat across from her. When the camera angle changes, she is clearly the actress who played Victoria from The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn.
• Technical error. When the movie ends, the credits cannot roll past the words “The End” which never fade out and leave the screen. The credits crowd and bunch up beneath, filling the screen with a jumble of white letters. In most theaters, there is an apology, and the credits are then read aloud by an usher.

Callbacks and Homages

• John Hammond Jr. greets investors by extending his toilet seat from its stall on hydraulic rails (The Lost World)
• The surface of the water in the toilet bowl ripples from a low bass sound (Jurassic Park)
• Every time Clevergirl is referred to by his last name (Jurassic Park)
• All the dinosaurs have sharp teeth (Jurassic Park, The Lost World, Jurassic Park 3)
• The title Jurassic World contains the word “Jurassic” (Jurassic Park, Jurassic Park 3)
• Characters refer to elevators as ianmalcolms, as in the line “Hold the ianmalcolm for me, wouldja?” (Jurassic Park)
• A red vial is labeled “Grimlock DNA” (Transformers: Age of Extinction)

Memorable Quotes

Security system AI. 5-LEGGED VELOCIRAPTOR NOT IDENTIFIED AS DINOSAUR. OPENING GATE.

John Clevergirl. Your T-rex has evolved enough legs to jump into low Earth orbit.
Scientist. My God.

Beth Lifefindsaway. We can escape to the Galaxy, my personal boat. It’s moored in Dock B.
John Clevergirl. If it’s the only way off the island, we might have a fight on our hands. Will the others make it back in time?
Beth Lifefindsaway. We might have to guard the ship until then. We’d have to act as guardians.
John Clevergirl. Guardians of the Galaxy. I like the sound of that.
T-Rex. (shrugs directly into camera)

https://twitter.com/esa_rosetta

i’m poking fun at it, but believe me, those tweets from the official social media presence of the satellite and the comet lander break me down. ugh. UGH. UGLY CRYING

why do they have to anthropomorphize them, why do they have to be so far out in space alone i love you science, i love you machines doing your best in the cold infinite dark

.

.

.

Two nuns, Sister Helen and Sister Mary, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania when suddenly, a tiny Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

“Oh my!” shouts Sister Mary. “What shall we do?”

“Turn the windshield wipers on.
That will get rid of the abomination,” says Sister Helen.

Sister Mary switches them on, knocking Dracula about but he clings on and continues hissing at them.

“What shall I do now?” she shouts.

“Switch on the windshield washer.
I filled it up with Holy Water,” says Sister Helen.

Sister Mary turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin but clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

“What now?” shouts Sister Mary.

“Show him your cross,” says Sister Helen.

“Now you’re talking,” says Sister Mary as she opens the window
and shouts, “Get the @#%& off the car!”

tip o’the paper bag to
Murray “The Unknown Comic” Langston
for this little gem
underlying art by
Tony Masero

But seriously.  Have you ever had such a bad idea that you and your company laugh and laugh, and at the end of the humor you realize it will definitely happen someday?  

Last winter Dave and I were walking through an excellent antique store when I spotted a smallish carved horse in their window display.  And I just laughed and laughed at the outlandish idea of opening a random door in your place, and *bam* there in the back is a carousel horse for no good reason.

I’m so in love with carousels that I have rules and preferences.  And designing a real full-custom carousel horse would be a dream come true.  So naturally, it was going to happen.

I didn’t purchase that one in the store….it just wasn’t right.  Too small, carved, I wanted something ruin-able without disturbing history.  Carousels have a vibrant history.  (And for the record, a Merry-go-Round is strictly horses.)  ’Etsy’ provided an excellent alternative to the real thing.  So I present to you……the horse on a stick.

On a three cone lamp, to be exact.  A perfect base model.  And made of sturdy plastic: no damaging historical craftsmanship here.

It's in a bathtub.  Nothing wrong with that.
I began collecting pieces and fabrics, imagined color schemes, and got to work repainting.  (I have a side occupation. Reckless was personally funded.)
(Not at the BK Lounge.)
And so I was ready to post this how-to blog on Reckless, and the stages of putting a horse like this together, but distractions popped up.


 (This is what progress looks like.)
 (Serious progress.)

 Mission: Success.


 Final resting place:




Then we had the fire.

It’s a relief that us and our lamp weren't responsible for the fire, and for pure humor’s sake I included the horse on the salvage and insurance paperwork, but the pony was gone and that was that.  To be fair, there was far too much in that closet for it to continue existing, such as four paper birds and two Christmas trees.  And if we had been home during the fire, I'd have thrown the horse out a window to "safety".

However.

Apparently the origin of Reckless is a bit more antique then I thought.  It was actually a 1960’s toy called the springer horse, by a company called Wonder.  If you check eBay, you can find a variety of their designs, including mine.  Someone somewhere went through a lot of effort to attach the lamp to the horse and I was lucky enough to find it.  I didn’t have the energy or the same resources to redo Reckless, until spotting this little beauty.

A ‘charger’.  Most wonder horses are pick-up only, but these lovely people were willing to make an exception for just the horse.  I foolishly thought re-creating horse-on-a-stick was possible.



Found a three cone lamp and realized problems.

You can’t just walk into Lowes and use their drill-press.
And you can’t disassemble your lamp thinking the horse will slide right on.
And your battery powered Dremel isn't made to drill through half an inch of plastic.

But if you know someone who is generously awesome and has the right drill tools and you know someone who is patient enough and super awesome to teach you basic electrical re-wiring, then you can make your own carousel horse on a stick, just like Reckless and Charger.














I am extremely careful about not leaving it unattended.



So this is Charger, that horse in the closet.          












Thank you Mom and Dad for being super awesome.
There may be more carousel-ing in the future.
Like maybe a reindeer...