Shared posts

20 Nov 19:16

Beautiful People Don’t Just Happen

by swissmiss

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
– Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


20 Nov 16:31

my boyfriend’s horrible ex-girlfriend got a job at my company

by Ask a Manager

alison's level-headed advice and gentle reproach is so good.

this "make a presence of some kind" language is straight up batty.

A reader writes:

I am a woman in my later 20’s who has been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years now. He is my best friend, I couldn’t be happier with him! The issue does not lie with my boyfriend or our relationship, but with his ex-girlfriend.

My boyfriend and I used to work at the same place. I knew him a year before we started dating, but he was in a relationship with said ex-girlfriend. When I showed interest in him, a mutual friend and coworker of ours told me he was unhappy. He also showed interest in me, but he was in a dead-end relationship he didn’t know how to get out of. Eventually he dumped her and we started dating. We have been in a happy relationship ever since!

I was warned his ex-girlfriend is crazy, and in the beginning of our relationship she fully lived up to that expectation. It was a pretty frequent stream of calls and texts, even showing up outside his apartment to get some reaction out of him. My boyfriend told me she did have some underlying issues, depression and Behavioral Personality Disorder, and the best thing he could do was just to ignore it. He finally decided it was time to block her everywhere he could after one particular freak, even though he was nervous what she may do. Her presence was no longer an issue. Until about three weeks ago….

I was getting lunch in the cafe with my friends at work, and I thought I noticed a familiar face. It was indeed his ex-girlfriend. Within minutes she approached me, asked if I was so and so, and told me she had dated my boyfriend. She said she was working there now, in another department, but wanted me know she would be around, so it wasn’t “weird.” For someone I was told was quite shy, I felt her approaching me was quite bold of her. While she very well could have been doing a respectful thing, it made me feel she was trying to make a statement of some kind. I was too shocked to realize I was now face to face with her, so I said hello and thank you, and carried on with my lunch.

I cannot understand why out of all the places to work, she chooses her ex-boyfriend’s old job, and where his current girlfriend works. I do work at a decent sized company where a lot of people around my age work, I will give her that. But considering the history??!! Ever since she approached me I feel as though I need to make a presence of some kind. This is MY job, MY space … and now because she has invaded it, I feel so anxious. It was one thing to know she exists and was part of his past, you can put something like that away. But it is another when you have to see it at your job every day. Now I know she is there, I feel I need to make a presence of some kind. I want her to feel as uncomfortable as she has made me, and I hate that I care.

I am frustrated because I know how happy my boyfriend and I are, and I know how UNHAPPY he was with her. The issue lives solely within me, being aware this person is where I work every day. I just want to go to work without wondering if I’ll see her everywhere I go. I really just want to not care.

Definitely do not try to make her uncomfortable. That will reflect really poorly on you to anyone at work who hears about it or observes it, and it could horribly trash your reputation there. You want to be known as mature and professional, not as someone who tries to make a colleague uncomfortable because she used to date your boyfriend. Seriously, it doesn’t matter what the provocation is — it will hurt you at work to do what you’re talking about.

It’s entirely possible that the reason she’s working there has nothing to do with you (you note that it’s a big company where lots of people your age work; it would be different if it were a 10-person company). Or sure, it’s also possible that it’s some kind of weird attempt to mess with you and/or your boyfriend — but until you actually see evidence that she’s doing that, you should proceed as if it’s not.

To be clear, if she had been threatening to you in the past, that’s something you should share with your employer now. But it doesn’t sound like that’s the case.

If she is trying to make some sort of point to you, the best possible point that you could make in return is to just be normal. Go about your job, be pleasant and professional, and don’t get pulled into game-playing with her.

If she targets you in some way (other than just introducing herself in the cafeteria, which is actually pretty mature), then talk to your boss and/or HR about the situation. But until and unless that happens, this is just a new coworker who happens to have a history with your boyfriend.

And for what it’s worth — all the “she’s so crazy” stuff your boyfriend has told you? Well … maybe. But it’s worth noting that your boyfriend chose to date her. He’s also told you he stayed in a bad relationship with someone he didn’t want to be with, while showing interest in someone else. Neither of those is great behavior on his part. You’re seeing “poor Fergus, who was trapped in a bad relationship with a crazy woman.” But if you’re taking him at his word, it sounds more like “Fergus engaged in really unhealthy behavior in a relationship and chose not to take the adult step of ending it when he should have.” I don’t mean to crap all over your boyfriend here — plenty of people stay in bad relationships longer than they should, and that’s not a mortal sin. But it’s important to see it for what it is, rather than thinking of the ex as the only one who messed up. (I’d also look at how he talks about other exes. If he’s kind and respectful about the others, that’s a good sign. But if he talks about them all as “crazy,” that’s awfully troubling.)

my boyfriend’s horrible ex-girlfriend got a job at my company was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

17 Nov 20:02

Project Runway’s First Modest Fashion Designer Loves Ruffly Socks and Loud Lipstick

by Saadia R. Chevel

anybody else watching this season? I haven't seen the finale yet and can't wait! this was a really good season.

Ayana Ife proves that conservative clothes don’t have to be boring.

Growing up in a family of 11 children, Ayana Ife had a fairly no-frills lifestyle, but her love for ruffles and bows runs deep. For proof, look no further than the clothes she’s created as Project Runway’s first-ever modest — and first Muslim— fashion designer.

The series finalist has been a season 16 frontrunner since episode 2, when designers were tasked with creating looks out of (literal) garbage. Ife credits her big family with her gift for creating something great out of nothing. Growing up, she’d deconstruct and jazz up the hand-me-downs she inherited from her siblings.

But when Ife started working, she noticed few brands were offering stylish modest wear. Not finding anything that fit her criteria, she started designing stylish conservative pieces for her own closet, and eventually, she established her own brand.

Below, Ife discusses her design process, what it’s like being Project Runway’s first Muslim contestant, and her extensive collection of bold, bright lip colors. And tune in to tonight’s finale to see if she takes home the prize!

What inspired you to become a designer?

During my brief fling with nursing (which my parents looked upon as a more stable profession), I remember watching a YouTube video of [UAE-based designer] Rabia Z’s collection. When I saw all those models dressed in vibrant harem pants and flowy hijabs, it inspired me to throw caution to the wind and realize my true calling as a designer. That’s when I decided to pursue a degree in apparel design.

What was it like competing alongside so many other talented designers on Project Runway?

I think I’m a sponge. So while I was trying to put my best foot forward during the challenges, I was feeding off of other designers, and applying their interesting perspectives into my design philosophy as well.

For instance, I picked up Amy Bond’s technique of draping on the form in muslin, and using that to create the final piece instead of making patterns. So without her knowing (and she still doesn’t know), I started doing that as well! [Laughs] I feel that if you see someone doing something more efficient, than you should take from that.

What’s the worst and best critique you’ve received from the judges on the show?

During the first “unconventional materials” challenge, Nina Garcia was so excited about my piece that she was almost jumping out of her chair. So that was really flattering.

In the “winter wonderland” challenge, Heidi Klum said my jumpsuit underneath the coat was really childish and gimmicky. I understand where she’s coming from, but I actually really like it and I wore it already. I love that thing! [Laughs]

Ayana Ife’s design for episode 11’s “warrior fashion” challenge. Photo: Lifetime
Ayana Ife’s design for episode 11’s “warrior fashion” challenge.

Being Muslim, have you dealt with any pressure to represent Islam a certain way on the show?

I was just being myself throughout the show, and I think it came across as very genuine. I wanted to represent myself and my parents in a positive light, and the fact that I’m Muslim just worked in my favor. But it wasn’t hard at all.

What’s your ultimate vision for your brand?

My goal is to continue bridging the gap between mainstream and modest, so I see myself showing at more and more runway shows throughout the US. I’d also love to show in countries like Trinidad, Dubai, Canada, Indonesia, and Italy. I see myself expanding and using all the feedback I’m getting from the audience. For instance, there’s a demand for more performance pieces and street style.

In future, do you plan to stock your clothes in stores? If so, where would you like to see them?

Absolutely; I’m looking for brand deals right now. In terms of my performance pieces, I’d love to see them in Nike, Under Armour, or Reebok. I feel it’s very tricky to find modest but really cute sportswear, so I’d love to start there.

#tbt to when @alexvalentephotography had me looking like a cutie Outfit: Lingerie Dress with Boyfriend jeans coming soon

A post shared by Ayana Ife | Apparel Designer (@ayanaife) on

What’s your own personal style like?

It’s a combination of preppy-meets-rugged street style, so I’ll wear a cute dress with ripped jeans. It’s usually a mix of whatever I’m feeling in the moment.

What’s the best thing you bought recently?

I love the plaid holiday pajamas I got from Old Navy.

What’s your shopping weakness?

I’m obsessed with colorful socks; if they’re plain, I add ruffles to them! I normally get them from Old Navy, Ross, and Walmart.

Tell me about your collection of hijabs — where do you get them, and what do you look for?

Oh my gosh, I probably have around 100 hijabs! I get them from different places: H&M, Forever 21, Old Navy. I even get them from fabric stores, and cut [different materials] to the size I need.

I like lightweight georgettes and anything chiffon that isn’t too sheer. These days, I wear a lot of neutral colors, because they go with everything. One of my favorites right now is a nude power mesh that’s very comfortable. I like the way it falls.

What are some of your favorite beauty products?

I’ve been using Maybelline BB cream for a really long time. I also love really loud lip colors; that’s where my adventurous nature kicks in. I do have some MAC, but I buy a lot of drugstore makeup from Walgreens and Walmart.

What’s the nicest thing you’ve bought for yourself lately?

I’m choosy when it comes to spending money on myself, so I only buy things if I need them. I put a lot of my funds toward my clothing label. So the most expensive thing that I’ve bought is fabric, which was $100 a yard.

What’s the most expensive thing currently in your closet?

A Louis Vuitton bag and a Movado watch — which I didn’t buy for myself [laughs].

15 Nov 21:03

my team keeps coming to work hungover

by Ask a Manager

at my last job hangovers were a true badge of honor after staff parties.

i've had like, maybe less than 10 hangovers in my whole life because each time i truly feel like my insides are working to become my outsides. i don't understand how someone could do this week after week!

A reader writes:

What’s your take on being hungover at work? Specifically in an office situation where nothing truly bad will happen if someone has reduced concentration.

I have a team of six reports at the moment, and over any given month, one or two of them will have a hangover each week. In my city there’s a culture of going out drinking after work, and in some of the worst offices I’ve worked previously a hangover is even seen as a badge of pride.

Mostly the hangovers are just the mildly sweaty slumped over their desks sort, and I’m not worried that anyone in the team has an alcohol problem (having experienced this in a previous job/colleague, I understand how this is different and is much more serious and my question does not relate to that).

Sometimes the hangovers are work-related, if there’s been a work event with lots of free alcohol, either provided by the company or by other organizations that we are expected to network with.

Added to this is that I’m a teetotaler and have been for over a decade, and I worry that I’ll be seen a prudish or judgemental, which I’m not; I just can’t drink for medical reasons.

Is it reasonable to say anything to my team about my expectations of them considering the need to be clear-headed when they come to work each day? Or am I interfering with their personal lives? And on a final note, why can’t bars and event venues provide something nice that’s not alcoholic or full of sugar to drink? But that’s not your problem!

It’s not okay to come into work hungover.

It’s one thing if it happens very rarely by accident; sometimes people just drink more than intended or didn’t realize their stomach was so empty or so forth. But one or two people on a team of six coming in hungover every single week? So on average each person coming to work hungover every three to six weeks?

That’s really not okay. And the fact that they’re apparently open about it around you, their boss, is troubling, because it says that they don’t care how cavalier it makes them look about their jobs.

It’s not interfering with their personal lives to expect people to show up at work clear-headed and ready to work. If someone were, say, playing video games all night and coming into work on no sleep — and it showed in their demeanor, energy, and ability to focus and be productive — you’d be on firm ground in saying, “Hey, it’s up to you what you do in your off-hours, but when you come to work, I need you to be awake and focused.” It’s the same thing here.

And you don’t need to relax those expectations just because the drinks were consumed at a work event. It’s reasonable to expect people not to drink to excess at a work event, and to control their drinking to whatever extent is necessary to ensure they can still function at work the next day.

So yes, the next time someone comes in hungover, take that person aside and say, “This has been happening frequently, it’s impacting your work, and it can’t continue. I need you to show up at work clear-headed and ready to work, and if that means you need to manage your drinking differently, consider this notice that you need to do that. You can’t keep showing up at work hungover.” Repeat as needed with the others.

my team keeps coming to work hungover was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

15 Nov 19:16

Jon Hamm's New York Apartment Comes With Jon Hamm As Your Landlord

by Nora Taylor

worth it.

The New York apartment of actor Jon Hamm is now available to rent. After recently purchasing a home in California, the Mad Men star decided to rent out the two bedroom, 1,000 square foot penthouse—for $14,995 a month. Recently renovated, it still has plenty of pre-war charm and, most importantly, offers you a connection to Jon Hamm.


14 Nov 17:28

myjetpack: For the Guardian. Order my new book of cartoons...


(still gonna see the movie)


For the Guardian.
Order my new book of cartoons ‘Baking with Kafka’ here:

07 Nov 19:20

should I show how angry I am when I resign?

by Ask a Manager

gee, I wonder why the OP had their hours cut...

A reader writes:

Three months ago, I applied for a short-term contract position in order to get my foot in the door with a company in an industry I had previously worked in and missed immensely. Shortly before my interview, my resume was shared with a separate department in that company and I came in to the interview to the news that a completely separate team (headed by the OM) had seen my resume and wanted to “steal” me (their word). My previous experience made me a great asset and I was offered a temp-to-perm job on the spot by the OM himself.

I brought my A game to this job. I developed organizational tools and documentation to be used in the field at my boss’s request, in addition to performing my regular duties. I received glowing feedback and handshakes, meetings to present my products to higher-ups, and no indications that there was any dissatisfaction with my work. I was even told I could be the OM’s “right hand man” in the future, whatever that means. Basically, I could do this job with my eyes closed due to my previous experience and had the drive and wit to do even more. On the downside, I’m all about work and do not have any need to socialize or gossip and have been ostracized by the other people in this office because I don’t allow people to use me to boost their own self esteem. Meaning, I don’t give audience to trash talk. I am respectful and civil and try to make conversation, but when I see unprofessional behavior towards internal and external clients I will say something. I will never be the person who brown noses and gives people credit where none is due. I lack the skill to be fake or to giggle and brush off reprehensible behavior. If someone comes to my desk talking to me in a showboat fashion to correct a typo I’ve made, I will first ask them why they are talking so loudly and then quickly fix it. I’m that person.

Fast forward to present day. About two weeks ago, the OM notified me that department finances were tight and that they would have to cut my hours from full-time to 20 per week. I spent the next week choking down my pride, keeping a smile on my face, and hiding from my coworkers the utter chaos this has thrown into my life (specifically finances and fights with the spousal unit). The OM told me that this was temporary and that a new permanent req would eventually be opened … in April 2018. He said if I leave for a full-time job, he will personally call me when the req opens. More pride choking. He hasn’t spoken to me since that day.

On the Monday of my second part-time week, I overheard people teasing the temp who applied for the same job I originally applied for. It was apparently her first day of being a *permanent employee*. The same job. That I originally applied for. But my “better job” is now part-time?? I am fully aware that they by no means owe me an explanation, but it hit me like a truck. I think I was literally physically stunned. Nobody warned me to soften the blow at all. Like: “Hey, you’re going to notice that Temp B was hired on. Don’t take it personally.” Or even, “Hey, thanks for choosing to stay with us so far.” Just crickets.

That night, because I know only I can control and fix this, I started applying for other jobs, including one that was a shot in the dark. Tuesday, call received to schedule an interview for that job. Wednesday, interview. Friday, job offer. Not sure if the details of this job are important to mention, but it’s full-time, direct hire, great pay, and they align with my ambitious nature.

So now I get the pleasure of resigning from my current job in a few hours. Except I’m freaking out. I will of course offer two weeks, which due to my new shiny part-time schedule will actually be about a week and a half. But I’m wondering how much to say during that conversation. I know it was well within their rights to cut my hours, to hire someone else permanently on, to not talk to me about it at all after the initial notification, and to feed me a line about calling me in April. But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.

So far I’ve played it cool, but my pride and emotions are starting to emerge. Can I tell him “do not call me in April” or do I just smile and nod knowing that there is no chance I’d come back even if he does call? Can I ask him to stop blowing smoke and tell me if this had anything to do with me pissing off the queen bee? Can I absolutely refuse to tell anyone where I’m going? Can I delete all of the working copies of the projects I was given? (Joking.) I feel the need to send him the message “hey, don’t for one second think that I’m not on to this BS, so don’t patronize me.” I am really upset and feel that somehow this opportunity to really shine and be a game changer at this company was ripped right from under my feet. I want them to know that. It may appear that I’m fine, but I’m pissed.

Probably should just give him the two weeks, smile and nod, and tell him only that the new job is not with a competitor, and move on, huh?


You’re taking this all really personally. And I get that it feels personal. But it’s almost certainly a lot less personal than you think it is.

Cutting your hours sucks, but it’s not a personal slight. It’s almost certainly, as they explained, about their budget.

And I get that it was a blow to hear that the job you’d originally applied to had gone permanent … but first, they may not even remember that that’s the job you originally applied for. It’s really common for manager to forget that kind of detail around someone’s hiring; you remember it because it was a big deal to you, but they’re usually juggling a bunch of different candidates. Second, even if they did remember, it might not occur to them that you’d need special messaging around it, since it’s a different job than yours. (To be clear, they should have thought about that — cutting someone’s hours is a big deal, and a good manager will be as thoughtful as they can around that — but it’s not outrageous that they didn’t.)

You said that you feel like your opportunity to shine at this company was ripped away from you. But business needs change. Jobs get changed or eliminated. That’s just how it goes.

It sounds like you think there may have been internal politics at play. Maybe there were! But if your hours got cut because you weren’t getting along with people you needed to get along with, that’s a pretty clear sign that you weren’t operating in the way that this particular company wanted you to operate, rightly or wrongly. Which means it wasn’t a spectacular fit for you after all. (Or maybe it truly was just finances. Either way, it’s not the personal attack that you’re taking it as.)

I’m not saying that this doesn’t suck. But sometimes this stuff happens, and it’s no one’s fault, and the best thing you can do is to just carry on making good decisions for yourself, without getting bogged down in anger or resentment about things that ultimately are just business decisions. You’ve done the “making good decisions for yourself” part of that: You went out and got yourself a better job, which is great. But now you need to deal with the emotional side of it too.

The thing is, it might feel good in the moment to say something cutting when you resign, but (a) it’s likely to leave them more bewildered than humbled or dressed down, and (b) it will burn a bridge that you may want in the future. What if your circumstances change and next April you really want or need that phone call inviting you to come back? It’s not worth shutting that door for yourself. (There are some circumstances where it would be worth burning a bridge — but it takes worse behavior than what’s happened here.) If they call you in April and ask you back, you can politely tell them that you’re happy where you are and not interested in returning … and that will feel a lot better than prematurely telling them that now.

When you resign, be professional and polite. You lose nothing in doing that, and you preserve your professional reputation, your good standing with this company, and a bridge you might want in the future.

should I show how angry I am when I resign? was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

04 Nov 02:28

We Are All This Raccoon Who Ate So Much He Got Stuck in a Sewer

by River Donaghey

it me.

It looks like humans aren't the only species who are currently burying their feelings about the sorry state of the world under mass amounts of food. On Thursday, police in the Chicago suburb of Zion had to rescue a raccoon after the critter ate so much that he wound up getting stuck inside a sewer grate, NBC Chicago reports.

The little plumper was apparently hanging inside the sewer like a whiskered Pennywise, feasting on some discarded sewer foods. But when he tried to climb out, the sewer grate's mouth wasn't quite big enough for his newly filled belly.

Police found the raccoon stuck halfway out of the grate's opening, flailing to get free with bits of bread scattered around him. With the help of Zion Public Works and Animal Control, they managed to break the big guy loose.

In a video of the raccoon rescue, one worker secured the spooked animal as another pulled up the sewer grate. "Fatty!" one of them laughs.

"They were able to free him and our friend was no worse for wear," the police department wrote in a Facebook post. The raccoon scurried back down into the sewer and disappeared, likely off in search of another delicious subterranean snack.

Good luck out there, buddy. Hope your future is full of more tasty sewer morsels and pipes wide enough for your rotund form to fit through. If you need us, we'll be spending the rest of the year in various stages of food coma.

30 Oct 21:04

Ah Apparently-Kid! Weary Of Time, Who Countest The Steps Of The Sun

by Kelly Conaboy

stop what you're doing and watch this right now

“Apparently Kid” entered our lives in the summer of 2014 and he was so great that it was insane, I’m still screaming. Please take a moment now to re-watch the video and appreciate being alive at a time when you are not only able to watch “Apparently Kid,” but also when you are able to watch at least a few men worry about possibly having to face consequences for their many, many counts of sexual abuse. (Watch now.)

Yes, “Apparently Kid” was scared HALF TO DEATH! and watched the POWERBALL! in the summer of 2014, but did you know that he is still in our lives, peripherally? It’s true(—apparently, ha!). He is on an ABC reality television show called The Toy Box that is hosted by Eric Stonestreet. What? It’s currently in its second season. What? It’s Shark Tank but with toys and all of the “sharks” are children. What?!? I did not know this until essentially just now, but it’s true.

“Apparently Kid” is the only child from the first season who was chosen to return for season two, which sounds right to me. (If I may make a request of the Toy Box producers: Please get this baby from MasterChef Jr. for season three, and also “More Sand” girl. Thank you in advance.) Also, here is something else I learned just now. Are you ready? OK. WNEP, my hometown news station, a small brag, has continued to make “Apparently Kid” content throughout the years, and ran an “Apparently Kid” interview as recently as in July of 2017!

Incredible. So, anyway. That’s all the news from today so far!

30 Oct 17:07

Remembering Linda Nochlin, Pioneering Feminist Art Historian

by Sarah Cascone

Groundbreaking art historian Linda Nochlin died on Sunday at the age of 86. The author of the landmark 1971 essay “Why Have There Been No Great Women Artists?,” Nochlin redefined the field with a feminist perspective that confronted notions of male creative genius and pointed out societal obstacles that precluded women from pursuing their own artistic ambitions.

“Her role in introducing feminist analysis into the field is well known,” wrote the College Art Association when the organization honored Nochlin with its Distinguished Lifetime Achievement Award for Writing on Art in 2006, adding, “What art historian today does not know her essay ‘Why Have There Been No Great Women Artists?” as the founding moment of this methodological shift?”

Born in Brooklyn on January 30, 1931, Nochlin, née Weinberg, majored in philosophy with minors in Greek and art history at Vassar College in Poughkeepsie, New York. A master’s degree in English at New York’s Columbia University followed, and then a Ph.D. in art history at New York University’s renowned Institute of Fine Arts.

ARTnews, which published her most famous essay, broke the news of her passing, which was confirmed by friends of Nochlin’s family. Nochlin was inspired to write the essay by a 1970 encounter with gallerist Richard Feigen, who told her he was having trouble finding women artists to represent and then asked her the now-famous question.

Earlier this year, speaking with the College Art Association, Nochlin recalled her entrée into the women’s movement. “Do you know about feminism?” a friend asked her, bearing reading materials. “I said, ‘No.’ She said, ‘Read this.’ She left me [feminist newspaper] Off Our Backs and… the somewhat crude broadsheets of the early feminist movement. I stayed up all night reading and I was a feminist the next day.”

After her conversation with Feigen, “the article almost wrote itself,” she recalled. “It seemed all so hitched together, so logical.”

Linda Nochlin in front of Philip Pearlstein’s <em>Portrait of Linda Nochlin and Richard Pommer</em> from 1968. © Matthew Begun.

Linda Nochlin in front of Philip Pearlstein’s Portrait of Linda Nochlin and Richard Pommer from 1968. © Matthew Begun.

“The arts,” she wrote, “as in a hundred other areas, are stultifying, oppressive, and discouraging to all those, women among them, who did not have the good fortune to be born white, preferably middle class and, above all, male.”

Nochlin flipped the narrative, which had long implied that lack of female achievement in the arts was due to an inherent inferiority. “The miracle is, in fact, that given the overwhelming odds against women,” she argued, “that so many… have managed to achieve so much sheer excellence, in those bailiwicks of white masculine prerogative like science, politics, or the arts.”

Throughout her career, Nochlin published extensively, specializing in 19th- and 20th-century painting and sculpture, contemporary art and theory, and women and art. She wrote her dissertation on Gustave Courbet and co-organized the 1988 Brooklyn Museum exhibition of his work, “Courbet Reconsidered,” which included the first public display of his controversial canvas The Origin of the World (1866).

Among Nochlin’s other curatorial work are the exhibitions “Realism Now” at the Vassar College Art Gallery (1968), “Women Artists: 1550–1950” (1976) at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, and “Global Feminisms: New Directions in Contemporary Art” (2007), the inaugural show at the Brooklyn Museum’s Elizabeth A. Sackler Center for Feminist Art.

Alice Neel, <em>Linda Nochlin and Daisy</em> (1973). Courtesy of the Museum of Fine Arts Boston.

Alice Neel, Linda Nochlin and Daisy (1973). Courtesy of the Museum of Fine Arts Boston.

Nochlin taught at Vassar College, Yale University, and, in New York, Hunter College and the City University’s Graduate Center. Her major writings include Realism and Tradition in Art, 1848–1900 (1966), Women, Art, and Power and Other Essays (1988), and The Politics of Vision: Essays on Nineteenth-Century Art and Society (1989).

Her forthcoming book, Misère, focuses on how art responded to the changing social conditions of the Industrial Revolution and what she dubbed the “phenomenon of misery.” It will be published by Thames & Hudson in March.

Nochlin’s first husband, Philip H. Nochlin, died in 1960. The couple had a daughter, Jessica. In 1968, Nochlin married art historian Richard Pommer (1930–1992), with whom she had a second daughter, Daisy. Alice Neel painted mother and daughter in 1973.

The post Remembering Linda Nochlin, Pioneering Feminist Art Historian appeared first on artnet News.

27 Oct 15:07

Friday Link Pack

by swissmiss

Sharing for fourth link down: The Silent Rise of the Female Driven Economy


I spoke at Adobe MAX last week!

The TBH app: What parents should know about this hot new app for kids

Humblebragging just makes you look like a fraud.

Why is it you can sense when someone is staring at you?

The Silent Rise of the Female Driven Economy

This rain poncho!

Europe’s First Underwater Restaurant Is Also Going To Purify Sea Water

How to Power Dress Like History’s Greatest Women

Lego builds life-size Scuderia Ferrari Formula 1 car

– Photographer Spends Almost 10 Years Photographing the Most Beautiful Libraries Around the World

Google and the resurgence of Italian Design

– Some of the design fails in this post made me laugh out loud.

– This sloth pillow made me smile.

– These Fiber Art Rainbows are charming

– This made me laugh: Walk On The Wild Side – Funny Talking Animals

Every IKEA Product translated. FUN! (via)

– This is a beautiful planter.

Rainbow kitten makes everything better.

25 Oct 14:22

The Void Rug

by swissmiss


Scott Jarvie’s Void Rug creates the illusion of a gaping black hole. Fun.


23 Oct 18:57

how to have nice furniture AND cats

by Molly Madfis

nothing too earth shattering in here but i like pictures of cats in pretty homes.

i get asked constantly about how i deal with having three cats and a fairly tidy house and nice furniture — and to be honest, it’s a constant struggle because all three of our cats are assholes in different ways (assholes whom i love). but here are the tips i do have, hopefully they can help you decide to adopt that cat that needs a home!


for sure our biggest challenge is the scratching. we have a couple different methods that we use, but the most important one is to make sure you have scratching pads for them in any room they are doing it.

our two older cats are good about using scratching pads because we raised them since kittens, but our third was an adult rescue who definitely never used one and we can’t seem to convince her to. there are some decent looking cardboard ones or you can diy a permanent one like we did. (only one cat actually uses this one and the other one only likes cardboard, if you’re worried about whether they’d like before making it, just get some rope and see if they’re into it)

when we get a new piece of furniture they’re interested in, we first cover it for a week with a familiar smelling blanket. once it smells like they’re used to, we take it off and spray it with feliaway. it’s a product that makes it smell like they’ve marked it already.

if that doesn’t stop them, we put sticky paw strips, they’re basically just large double sided tape strips that you can run on the side of any chairs or the top of your sofa etc. these work really well but after they’re fully covered in fur i take them off, and sometimes the cats come back. the other less sticky method we use is blankets — everywhere. if you don’t feel like having strips of furry tape all over your furniture is that cool, i get it. it’s not. toss a throw blanket over any spots they keep messing with (your headboard, your sofa, an arm chair…) it really does work!

when you’re ready to remove the strips once they’re over it, always make sure they’re not in the room to see you do it!


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another question i get is “how do you keep your house clean with three cats?” short answer is we don’t if you look closely. our last apartment had light hardwood floors, and when we bought our house i debated for a minute if we should lighten our wood floors here (for looks as well) — well the answer was yes, but i didn’t do it obv. light floors are waaay more forgiving when it comes to fur everywhere and scratches. so my first tip would be live somewhere with light hardwood floors. if you can’t do that — hire a housekeeper. and if you can’t do that, you just have a lot of upkeep.

we have a housekeeper twice a month and it is the best use of money for the sake of our happiness and marriage. neither of us ever clean the toilets and resent each other for how we use the toilets. but unfortunately with three cats, twice a month isn’t really enough to keep up with the incessant fur. so in between her visits, i have a dustpan close by for all corners and we use a swiffer as well. we’re also planning to get a roomba soon because i think that will help us big time.

as for the barf and bathroom stains, we always use nature’s miracle and it works really well. it gets rid of the smell so they don’t try to keep marking it or anything, and it gets out the stains well too.


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sadly, we haven’t mastered the whole living with a cat without having a disgusting shit situation in our house. the other mistake we made as cat owners when buying our house was not buying a place with a mudroom or laundry room. if we could contain the litter box in a separate place like that, we’d all be much happier, but because we have no space for it anywhere — we use the guest room as their poop dungeon.

in my dreams, they’d all happily share one box and never track litter outside of it, but in reality — we got an expensive litter robot in the biggest size so our biggest cat bodhi would be able to fit, and he has refused and revolted against this idea. so now we’re back to two boxes, the girls share the litter robot and bodhi uses an old shitty one in the closet. it’s really not even close to ideal and the room reeks and cleaning takes gid forever (hey! i do lots of other stuff! just not litterboxes). so i’m hoping we figure out a better situation in the future.

we also used to have a really cute one that i didn’t mind being out, but again — bodhi couldn’t hang with it so we had to get rid of it. i get asked a lot how we hide our litter boxes and i hope to someday astonish you with my solutions. but if you also can’t hide yours, there are also tons of great ideas for disguising litter boxes in the open. we just haven’t figured that part out yet (and now that baby has arrived we may never). here are two cute pieces of furniture, one is a vintage cabinet with a hole cut on the side, the other is obviously made for concealing the litter box. if you’re able to scour a flea market, i’d try a vintage cabinet because it’s way less obvious and probably fits into your decor way better.

inside that cabinet is a litter box!



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lastly, spray bottles and lint rollers are your friends. stock the f up on them.

i hope i covered everything, let me know if you have any additional questions though!

The post how to have nice furniture AND cats appeared first on almost makes perfect.

21 Oct 18:05

Tim Hortons introduces spicy new Buffalo Latte


welp i feel like it would be irresponsible not to report back on this... but also i get heartburn just reading the description

But it’s only available in two locations.
20 Oct 10:45

Doing Our Dirty Work: Crows Trained to Clean Up Cigarette Butts

by SA Rogers

i'm picturing an anti-tobacco ad featuring crows swooping down on unsuspecting smokers during their breaks.

[ By SA Rogers in Gadgets & Geekery & Technology. ]

Should we really be training ultra-smart birds to do our dirty work for us, picking up cigarette butts all over our cities in exchange for treats? One Dutch start-up hopes their clever ‘Crowbar’ will be an easy and mutually beneficial way to deal with the ongoing problem of this specific kind of urban litter, making use of the corvid’s unusual intelligence. Crowded Cities proposes hanging smart machines around the city that train the birds to clean up butts.

‘Crowbar’ is based on the ‘Crow Box,’ an open-source project that gives crows peanuts in exchange for coins. The birds learned that they only get rewarded for inserting a particular kind of object. The Crow Box is just one example of humans testing crows’ ability to understand cause and effect and documenting the results.  They explain the process as follows:

“The crows bring a cigarette filter to the Crowbar, where they drop it into the bottom funnel to get it checked. After the camera has recognized the cigarette filter as  a filter, it returns a bit of food to the table in front of the crow. The crow goes out telling others, or keeps his secret to himself – we are not sure.”

Apparently we’ll find out, as the team finishes assembling the CrowBar and puts it out into the world. In the Netherlands, more than 6 billion cigarette filters are tossed onto the street each year, and each one takes 12 years to degrade. It’s not hard to imagine this project seeing some kind of success – have you ever had a crow drop a nut right in front of your car while you’re driving, in the hopes that your tires will act as giant nutcrackers? They’re incredibly smart.

But it’s a bit disturbing to imagine crows being repeatedly exposed to the carcinogens present in cigarette butts, potentially punishing them in the long term for a stupid human behavior. Plus, it’s only a matter of time before the crows start snatching lit cigarettes right out of people’s hands.

Mechanical Animals: 36 Steampunk Sculptures & Robots

Bones and metal parts are fused together to create the skeletons of bizarre bionic animals straight out of science fiction. Beetles' wings are spread to reveal complex arrangements of gears. ...

Ecological Life Support: Recycle a Bottle, Feed a Stray Dog

Dispose of your empty plastic bottle in this little sidewalk kiosk, and it'll dispense enough food to feed a stray cat or dog. Aiming to help both the environment and homeless animals, the ...

Not So Sci-Fi: 12 Real Tech Innovations That Are Actually Pretty Creepy

Not so long ago, we made horror movies about invasive technology that was theoretical at the time, like RoboCop, Christine, Demon Seed and Videodrome. The 2002 sci-fi film Minority Report seemed ...

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[ By SA Rogers in Gadgets & Geekery & Technology. ]

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20 Oct 10:38

katswenski: My website – My Facebook page – See me on LINE...


My website – My Facebook page – See me on LINE Webtoon!

20 Oct 10:37

Laura Collins Paints The Pop-Culture Matriarchy

by anna dorn

an interesting call to "think critically about how and why the public reacts to famous women"

Dorinda Medley Pointing at Heather, Laura Collins, 2016.

There was a period in law school when I frequently posed in pictures as Mary Kate Olsen hiding her face from the camera. This was around the time of Amanda Bynes’ mental breakdown. In retrospect, my morbid obsession with women crumbling under the public gaze was likely related to being in law school, where I was told on the daily that my natural way of being was insufficient—that I should speak with more authority, professionalize my demeanor, tame my hair. When Mandy threw that bong out the window, claiming to the probing NYPD officers that it was “just a vase,” I felt strangely liberated.

Years later, when I came across Laura Collins’s 2015 series of paintings, Olsen Twins Hiding From Paparazzi, I freaked the fuck out. I devoured her acrylics of Mary Kate covering her face with gargantuan luxury bags, unkempt blonde tresses, and packs of Marlboro Reds. Collins had also recreated Amanda’s iconic post-bong toss courtroom look on acrylic, askew platinum wig captured flawlessly. The Chicago-based artist was painting my most cherished pop culture moments, elevating them to the realm of high art, where I always thought they belonged.

An Olsen Twin Hiding Behind Her Right Hand And Smoking, 2016.

“For centuries, women have been portrayed through paint as reclined nudes and doting mothers,” Collins told me. “We idolize the Mona Lisa and praise her gentle smile, but all it does is reinforce in our society that women should be objectified and keep their mouths shut.” With paintings ranging in subject from Celebrities Crying to Lady Gaga’s Hats, Laura Collins is challenging the status quo.

As someone who has been called “Bravosexual” on more than one occassion, I was thrilled when I got wind of Collins’ most recent series of paintings, Real Housewives Pointing Fingers (currently on display at Brooklyn’s THNK1994 Museum). To counter historical depictions of women as exclusively caregivers or sex objects, Collins’ paintings portray the women of Bravo “aggressively pointing” at one another, in turn embodying “rankism and dominance.” With titles like “Sheree Pointing at Her Party Planner” and “Lisa Rinna Pointing at Her Eyebrow,” the humorous works simultaneously convey an empathy with their subjects, who grapple with the probing public gaze. Collins draws a connection between the Housewives’ pointing outwards and the Olsens hiding their faces from paparazzi. “Both are physical responses to feeling attacked, scrutinized, and being placed in a defensive mode,” she told me.

Collins told me about “a saying that when you point your finger, three more point back at you.” She believes than in addition to seeing the finger points as an act of aggression, “there is a vulnerability and defensiveness at the heart of these gestures”; this dichotomy is what interests her most. This notion conjures many images from my Bravo memory bank: Sheree yanking Kim’s wig on the streets of Atlanta, later claiming she was only trying to “shift it”; Teresa flipping a table due to a book entitled “Cop Without a Badge”; Dorinda inadvertently stabbing herself with a knife while arguing with Bethenny in Mexico. And of course, my personal favorite, an extremely hungover Lu Ann charging Heather in Turks and Caicos, demanding that she “be cool” rather than slut shame her for bringing home a married man the previous night. (The moment inspired Lu Ann’s next single, “Girl Code (Don’t Be So Uncool).”

Lisa Rinna Pointing at Her Eyebrow, 2016.

“Female celebrities,” Collins lamented, “particularly those from reality television, are dismissed as idiotic.” She complained that “investing any interest in their activities is a mark on your own intelligence.” I am likewise irritated that many immediately dismiss reality TV as mindless trash, or worse, a “guilty pleasure.” (i-D opened its review of Collins’ exhibit: “‘Real Housewives’ is the ultimate guilty pleasure. What reality TV show is […] more trashy than one on which you can watch rich American women with melting facelifts pull each other’s hair while binge drinking rosé?”) “Like so many other gendered media texts,” wrote Anne Helen Petersen in Bitch Magazine, celebrity gossip, (an umbrella under which today’s reality stars fall) “causes anxiety […] because it has been labeled, mostly by men, as feminine and frivolous.”

Admittedly, “The Real Housewives” doesn’t have the intellectual heft of, say, a documentary feature on particle science or the ills of the criminal justice system, but it’s no less intelligently crafted than shows viewers readily admit to loving, sans guilt, such as “Westworld” or “Master of None.” In The New Yorker, Emily Nussbaum wrote that while reality TV is an “easily mocked mass artistic medium,” it also provides a “magnetizing mirror for culture.” The mirror shows women who, according to author Sady Doyle, “have succeeded all too well at becoming visible” being “penalized vigilantly and forcefully, and turned into spectacles.” Collins’ paintings depict women coping with this punishment, either by crying, hiding their faces, or deflecting the gaze outwards through aggressive gesture.

Amanda Bynes Wearing A Wig In Court, 2016.

Mindfulness expert Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D. hailed the “The Real Housewives” in Psychology Today for its strong emotional appeal and ability to bond its viewers. Academic provacatrice and “Housewives” superfan Camille Paglia wrote that she adores the franchise for its “frank display of emotion” and the “intricate interrelationships.” (Is there a television relationship more honest and intricate than NeNe and Kims’? Sonja and Ramonas’? Kyle and Kim Richards’?) Collins echoed that the “Housewives” provide “one of the rare cases where you can see women of a certain age forming bonds, going through a plethora of life events, owning their sexuality, dealing with tough relationships, experiencing loss and still forming friendships and enjoying each other.” Her recent series distills these intense emotional exchanges by removing them from their context in order to highlight their nuance and relatability.

Feminist theorist Robyn R. Warhol wrote that books, movies and TV shows that encourage emotions like excitement, desire, or crying have been “systematically devalued by critics.” On the flipside, it can be said that shows like “Real Housewives” are revolutionary in that they present a aspirational version of the world in which women and our stories reign supreme. The Kardashians likewise comprise very public matriarchy, with Kris Jenner and her five daughters at the center, while boyfriends and husbands come and go. The most potent example: Bruce Jenner was not taken seriously by the family until she transitioned to Caitlyn. While Bruce (a world-renowned Olympian) was mostly ignored, or mocked for his “silly,” stereotypically male interests (toy helicopters and golf), Caitlyn was at the forefront of the storylines, gracing magazine covers and participating in public feuds; her transition highlights how the Kardashians prioritize femininity. In spotlighting female stories while ignoring male characters and their interests, reality TV presents an alluring counter-narrative to mainstream society’s tendency to dismiss female concerns. As Collins put it, “Just having that representation is important.”

I asked Collins how she responds when people tell her that her obsession with pop culture is frivolous. “It is not my place to impose my views on how people should spend their money or wear their clothes,” she said. “If you want to wear an entire palette of eyeshadow, get it girl. You probably look great.” When I posited that the appearance-obsessed Housewives and Kardashians may contribute to the objectification of the female figure, Collins immediately provided an alternative: “Valuing one’s own physical appearance is too often viewed as egotistical, and should instead be praised as a worthwhile form of self-care.” Likewise, Paglia praised OC Housewife Tamra Judge’s fanatic dedication to her abs: “[Tamra] is a whirling dervish of physical activity [who] represents the gung-ho athleticism of a new generation of American women.”

An Olsen Twin Hiding Behind a Hermes, 2016.

Subashini Navartnam wrote in her review of Jennifer Egan’s 2001 novel Look at Me, which eerily foreshadowed the the imminent popularity of reality television in that the protagonist agrees to film herself 24/7 for a website called “Ordinary People”:

Indeed, the gaze that is filtered through celebrity culture and spectacle, it turns out, implicates both you and me—the same gaze that people use to worship and judge celebrities in what they wear is the one that people learn to train onto ourselves and their best friends.

It is therefore of crucial importance to interrogate this gaze, and to think critically about how and why the public reacts to famous women. Collins’ recent paintings encourage us to think twice before dismissing the reality TV genre and the alpha women who grace its screens. At the show’s opening, for example, viewers took turns sitting in the “Tamra Judgment Zone, described as “a place to reflect while [OC housewife] Tamra’s most famous quotes ‘You will never see my face again,’ ‘that’s my opinion,’ and ‘here’s your f*cking letter bitch,’ hover above your head.” Collins hopes the show “makes my viewers reconsider their role as spectators both inside and outside of the gallery.”


“Real Housewives Pointing Fingers” is on view at THNK1994 Museum from October 7th–November 12th.

13 Oct 18:26

malachi-is-shiny: actualmenacebuckybarnes: edcynic: spookyphernelia: if you are ASEXUAL, you do...


ok this is pretty great





if you are ASEXUAL, you do not experience SEXUAL ATTRACTION.

if you are AROMANTIC, you do not experience ROMANTIC ATTRACTION.




I was not prepared

11 Oct 19:17

my boss is questioning the need for my child’s medical care

by Ask a Manager

I really like the phrase "I'm enjoying not having to think about it while I'm at work" for anyone asking about personal matters I'd rather not discuss.

A reader writes:

Recently my seven-year-old son’s pediatrician has recommended that he be evaluated by a psychologist for ADHD and giftedness. He has had some behavior challenges at home and at school. We live in a small town an hour’s drive away from any larger town or city, and the options for psychological care nearby are limited. My son has seen a local psychologist for an unrelated issue in the past, and I was less than impressed. I made an appointment with a specialist in the nearby city and informed my boss that I would need to take a half-day off and why. She expressed surprise and questioned me about finding local care, but granted the request.

The next day, she came to my office and said that she had discussed the matter with her husband and that he said that I was overreacting — that excessive energy was normal and to be expected for a boy. He went on to say that he had been energetic as a boy himself, received many spankings, and look at him now — university professor. My response in the moment was “Respectfully, your husband has never met my son. I have spent seven years with him and I believe I know best.”

At no point did she insist that I cancel the appointment or alter my plans. The tone was more advice-giving than managerial time-management. However, I don’t want to seem like an employee who requests time off for frivolous things as this is not the impression I want to leave. I also remain bothered by the fact that she discussed this matter with her husband at all. I’m not sure if I am overreacting about that. My son will likely require several follow-up appointments in the city to establish his diagnosis and treatment plan. Do you have any advice for me if this (vocal skepticism regarding my son’s care) comes up again?

Possibly relevant details: I am salaried (exempt) and do not have to take sick time for less than a full day’s absence.

I think this is a case of how people who are overbearing in life don’t stop being overbearing once they become managers.

In other words, I think this is less about her acting as your manager, and more about her just saying something obnoxious that she would have said even if she weren’t your manager and knew you socially. It sounds like she’s offering you what she thinks is helpful advice, not signaling that you shouldn’t be taking the time off.

Of course, that’s not okay. Managers need to be aware that their words will always carry more weight and be seen through a different lens. The fact that she’s your manager means that you have to worry about different things than if a social acquaintance (or even just a peer-level coworker) said this to you — whether she intended that or not.

In the future, I’d recommend not sharing details with her at all. If you need time off to take your son to an appointment, be as vague as possible — “I’ll be out a half day on Tuesday for a medical appointment.” That’s it.

If she asks how your son is doing, stay vague — “he’s hanging in there,” “he’s good,” or so forth. If she pushes for details beyond that, say something like, “Oh, I’m enjoying not having to think about it while I’m at work!” or “Nothing anyone but his mom would find interesting” or “Oh, nothing worth getting into.”

If she tries to offer her own opinions again (or her husband’s — ?@!?), say this: “Oh, I’d rather not discuss it. These things can be so complicated, as I’m sure you know. I appreciate your thinking of us though!” That last part might be insincere — because you probably do not appreciate her thinking about this — but it’s there just for relationship-preservation reasons. This is your boss, and it’s helpful to soften a “mind your own business” when you can do that without compromising the outcome you’re going for.

my boss is questioning the need for my child’s medical care was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

10 Oct 18:05

tastefullyoffensive:Doing some serious math.


me, doing my taxes

10 Oct 17:15

mother!: A Review

by Kelly Conaboy

steve still waiting for your review.

mother!, mother! mother! mother!.



mother! mother! mother! mother! mother!, mother! mother!.

07 Oct 02:47

Kitty Accidentally Pressed The Turbo Button 😂

by swissmiss

Kitty accidentally pressed the turbo button 😂

— Nature is Amazing 🌴 (@AMAZlNGNATURE) October 6, 2017

(via Nature is Amazing)

05 Oct 14:40

Your Face on Your Suitcase

by swissmiss


You can now cover your luggage with a giant photo of yourself. Because nothing says “hands off my stuff” like an oversized portrait of yourself soaring down the conveyor belt. This nearly made me snort my coffee out my nose, laughing.

05 Oct 13:42

Jon Hamm to play the archangel Gabriel on Neil Gaiman's Good Omens

by Danette Chavez

david tennant AND jon hamm on one screen. i will need to watch this with smelling salts.

Neil Gaiman adaptations are all over TV and streaming platforms now—on the heels of the first season of American Gods, the author wrote the short anthology series Likely Stories, which is based on some of his lesser known stories, for Shutter. Amazon also seized on the horror-fantasy momentum, ordering an adaptation…


05 Oct 13:41


04 Oct 15:16


by swissmiss

After watching this short experimental video I have decided I want to live in Lucas Zanotto‘s brain for a little bit. (My kids LOVE his apps.)

28 Sep 20:35

ashtoniousrex: backstories to random gifs are my favorite thing...


me at every work function ever.


backstories to random gifs are my favorite thing and they need to continue

26 Sep 22:03

jasper-rolls: kushblazer666: rasec-wizzlbang: can we bring...


captcha backstory now rivals gif backstory for my internet affections




can we bring back captcha comics

26 Sep 16:42

Sneezing Owl

by swissmiss

majestic birb

Never seen an Owl sneeze before 🦉

— Nature is Amazing 🌴 (@AMAZlNGNATURE) September 22, 2017


20 Sep 21:40

tastefullyoffensive: thenatsdorf: Hero cat saves his friend...


pulling your drunk friend out of the booth at chipotle and into the cab.



Hero cat saves his friend from the vet. [full video]

“Come with me if you want to live!”