(credit: Sorosh Tavakoli)

Bathrooms are a prime location for smearing disease-causing microbes all over your hands. Yet, despite societal pressures and prodding signage, a lot of people don’t clean their grimy mitts after a potty break. Some audacious folks just skip the sink all together, while others don’t wash for long enough (experts recommend singing “Happy Birthday” twice in your head) or omit the cleansing soap step. All of those sanitation-slackers threaten to spread disease—particularly in healthcare settings packed with vulnerable patients. But what the latter groups do to dry off their un-cleaned hands may end up setting off a germ bomb.

Researchers have long known that warm hand dryers can launch bacteria into the air—compared to dabbing with paper towels, which unleashes virtually none. But new jet air dryers, made by Dyson, are significantly more problematic—they launch far more viruses into the air, which linger for longer periods of time and reach much farther distances, researchers recently reported in the Journal of Applied Microbiology. This is particularly concerning because viruses, unlike many infectious bacteria, can easily maintain their infectiousness in the air and on surfaces, and just a few viral particles can spark an infection.

“The results of this study suggest that in locations where hygiene and cross-infection considerations are paramount, such as healthcare settings and the food industry, the choice of hand-drying method should be considered carefully,” the authors concluded.

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Hovertext: Now if we could just perfect the reusable first booster...

“Most of them would be impossible to ride.”

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(credit: aaditya sood)

Inmate Stephen Cavanaugh

A Nebraska inmate who has professed his allegiance to the divine Flying Spaghetti Monster lost his bid demanding that prison officials accommodate his Pastafarianism faith.

A federal judge dismissed the suit (PDF) Tuesday brought by Stephen Cavanaugh, who is serving a 4- to 8-year term on assault and weapons charges at the Nebraska State Penitentiary. US District Judge John Gerrard ruled that "FSMism" isn't a religion like the ones protected under the Constitution.

"The Court finds that FSMism is not a 'religion' within the meaning of the relevant federal statutes and constitutional jurisprudence. It is, rather, a parody, intended to advance an argument about science, the evolution of life, and the place of religion in public education. Those are important issues, and FSMism contains a serious argument—but that does not mean that the trappings of the satire used to make that argument are entitled to protection as a 'religion,'" the judge ruled. (PDF)

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Take our scientifically rigorous test.

Rebecca Hendin / ThinkStock / BuzzFeed

Not all psychopaths are Hannibal Lecter. According to Kevin Dutton, a research psychologist at Oxford University's Department of Experimental Psychology, being a psychopath doesn't mean you're a serial killer or even that you'll break the law.

"In clinical psychology," he tells BuzzFeed, "a psychopath is someone with a distinct cluster of personality traits, including charm, charisma, fearlessness, ruthlessness, narcissism, persuasiveness, and lack of conscience." Those traits can be handy in many walks of life, not just crime.

Another misconception, he says, is that there is a sharp line between "psychopath" and "not psychopath". "A lot of people think that it's all very black and white," he says. "But this is not the case. In fact, psychopathy – like height, weight, and IQ, to take a few examples – lies on a spectrum."

We're all along the spectrum somewhere. "Some of us score higher on some traits than others," says Dutton. "But unless you score high on all of them, you don't really have anything to worry about."

The following test, set by Dr Dutton, will give you an idea of where you are on that spectrum. It's rigorous and scientifically well-founded.

However, it is NOT a diagnosis. "These questions do not in any way diagnose you as a psychopath," says Dutton. "Instead, they simply provide a rough guide as to where you might fall on the psychopathic spectrum."

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“Today’s science fiction is tomorrow’s science fact.” — Isaac Asimov

Boss fights are a scarce but fun diversion from fodder foes.

If I had to pick my PlayStation 2-era mascot of choice, Ratchet and Clank would top the list. Developer Insomniac's conscious blend of 3D platforming and third-person shooter spoke to me a whole lot more than Sly Cooper's sticky thievery and Jak and Daxter's “GTA Jr.” antics, especially in the series' many, many sequels.

A dozen or so games later, fuzzy hero Ratchet and defected death machine Clank are still here. Not just that; they've come out the other side of popular culture and made it to full-on reboot territory. In fact, now we have Ratchet and Clank, a game based on the upcoming film Ratchet and Clank. Both are loosely tied into the events of Ratchet and Clank, that original PlayStation 2 game where the duo debuted.

Remember when?

Ratchet and Clank (the new one) is anything but loose. Besides a frame narrative provided by the pair’s frenemy Captain Qwark, the introduction to this latest installment is a beat-by-beat remake of the source material. Mechanic meets robot, the pair become friends, and they set off to warn the galaxy of impending danger. Adventures and hijinks ensue, with ludicrous weapons and gadgets at their heart.

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“It’s a life-changing experience.”

Samantha Bee is totally killing it with her new show, Full Frontal. So Katie Couric had her sit down for an interview. In a hilarious excerpt posted online, Kouric asked whether Americans or Canadians do food better.

Yahoo News / Via Facebook: katiecouric

Bee's response was perfect. First, she rephrased the question to the only one that matters.

Yahoo News / Via Facebook: katiecouric

A question for which there is only one correct answer.

(Don't worry, she gave proper credit to Quebec.)

Yahoo News / Via Facebook: katiecouric

Which led an exchange that literally every Canadian has had when outside of the homeland:

Yahoo News / Via Facebook: katiecouric

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(credit: cthoyes)

This post originally appeared on Inverse and has been re-published with the permission of that site.

Telling a friend you’re paying him back for “ISIS beer funds!!!” is not a particularly good joke. I knew this as I was typing it at 2am on a Sunday, but what I did not know is that it’s an even worse joke on Venmo because the federal government will detain your $42.

Almost immediately after I hit send, Venmo—you know, the app that allows people to send money to each other via their phones—blasted an e-mail into my inbox. The company wanted to “better understand a recent payment,” specifically:

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“Don’t touch my grandma! Go away, don’t touch my grandma!”

A video of a toddler defending his grandmother in a marketplace in China has received A LOT of attention recently.

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In the video, the unnamed boy approaches a group of Chengguan in a marketplace. The Chengguan are urban management and code enforcers in China. The grandmother's setup was allegedly taking up too much sidewalk space.

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The boy tenaciously screams, “Don’t touch my grandma! Go away, don’t touch my grandma!” as onlookers film and chuckle at his aggression.

youtube.com

At one point, the boy is ushered to a coach by an official, but quickly fends him off with arm strikes.

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This one’s actually from Bluechair so go check those particular jams out! –> http://bluechair-webtoon.com

Today, I tried to power through work on a construction site after a couple of sick days. I can't do anything without constantly sucking on cough drops. And it turns out that excessive consumption of cough drops can have a laxative effect. FML

Childhood is a lot of trial and error.

This kid who gave a valiant effort at avoiding homework.

reddit.com / Via imgur.com

This kid who doesn't seem to notice his mother is a mannequin.

Twitter: @cooldadstore

LiL Tee.

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This little girl who just wants to be a unicorn.

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RIP Peeping Tom. You will never be forgotten.

Meet Peeping Tom — a bathroom-dwelling pet fish named for his love of watching people poop and shower — who sadly, is no longer with us.

Tom recently passed at just six and a half years of age.

"He met his demise while I was at work one day," his 24-year-old owner, Laura Psutka, told BuzzFeed. "The running joke was that he died because my dad moved his bowl out of the sun because that was the only variable that changed before he died.

"But really I don't blame my dad. Tom was 4+ years past his life expectancy, so it was just old age I think."

chilly911 / Via imgur.com

"Tom was more than just a bathroom fish really, he became a pet like any other in this family," Psutka said.

"Everyone commented on him when they were in that bathroom and some even said hi to him whenever they entered. I had friends who've known Tom since I first got him and would text and ask how he was doing as time went on, as he got older."

chilly911 / Via imgur.com

So, the beloved, pervy fish was given the valiant Viking funeral he so deserved.

To make up for possibly killing her fish, Psutka's dad built Tom a magnificent vessel out of matches.

"He's a really handy guy who loves to build stuff, and he did an incredible job on the boat," she said.

chilly911 / Via imgur.com

The boat was named S.S. Boobies "because Tom loved titties, one of the reasons he lived so long, just to watch people shower."

Truly moving.

chilly911 / Via imgur.com

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The global wild tiger census has reached 3,890, the first increase in population in over 100 years and significantly higher than the last survey’s all-time low in 2010. What do you think?

(credit: Sara Robertson)

If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. One of the last cultural holdouts against text messaging, the movie theater, may be set for an invasion.

AMC Entertainment CEO Adam Aron has said he’s open to relaxing the ban on cell phone use in an effort to get more millennials into movie theaters. He wants this generation of movie-goers to attend “with the same degree of intensity” that the baby boomers did.

"When you tell a 22-year-old to turn off the phone, don’t ruin the movie, they hear 'please cut off your left arm above the elbow,'" said Aron in an interview with Variety. "You can’t tell a 22-year-old to turn off their cellphone. That’s not how they live their life."

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If this is the handshake, imagine the hug.

In case you missed it, Prince William and Kate Middleton have been on a tour of India this past week.

Money Sharma / AFP / Getty Images

On 12 April, the prince met prime minister Narendra Modi and posed for photographers with the customary handshake.

Money Sharma / AFP / Getty Images

While you might think this handshake was like any other, Prince William's hands told a different tale.

Harish Tyagi / EPA

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“Surely you can’t be serious?” “I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.”

This polite exchange:

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These perfect pilot names:

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#notthefather

In case you haven't heard, actor Megan Fox is pregnant.

She showed up to CinemaCon with a very obvious baby bump.

Michael Tran / FilmMagic

It caused quite the hoopla because Megan filed for divorce from hubby Brian Austin Green last summer.

The couple are parents to sons Noah and Bodhi.

Jonathan Leibson / Getty Images

So people started wondering who the father was.

Twitter: @JaclynSwartz

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Inky the octopus didn’t even try to cover his tracks.

By the time the staff at New Zealand’s National Aquarium noticed that he was missing, telltale suction cup prints were the main clue to an easily solved mystery.

Inky had said see ya to his tank-mate, slipped through a gap left by maintenance workers at the top of his enclosure and, as evidenced by the tracks, made his way across the floor to a six-inch-wide drain. He squeezed his football-sized body in — octopuses are very malleable, aquarium manager Rob Yarrall told the New Zealand website Stuff — and made a break for the Pacific.

[‘Watch out – he’s heavily armed’ and other great comebacks about Inky the octopus]

“He managed to make his way to one of the drain holes that go back to the ocean. And off he went,” Yarrall told Radio New Zealand. “And he didn’t even leave us a message.”

The cephalopod version of “Shawshank Redemption” took place three months ago, but it only became public Tuesday. Inky, who already had some local renown in the coastal city of Napier, quickly became a global celebrity cheered on by strangers.

All animals want to live free. Bravo to Inky the Octopus for breaking out of aquarium jail! https://t.co/CybcotuSBt pic.twitter.com/LMC6tulUVm

— Animal Justice (@AnimalJusticeC) April 12, 2016

Inky had resided at the aquarium since 2014, when he was taken in after being caught in a crayfish pot, his body scarred and his arms injured. The octopus’s name was chosen from nominations submitted to a contest run by the Napier City Council.

[Ask an octopus expert: Live Q&A tomorrow. Submit a question now.]

Kerry Hewitt, the aquarium’s curator of exhibits, said at the time that Inky was “getting used to being at the aquarium” but added that staff would “have to keep Inky amused or he will get bored.”

Guess that happened.

This isn’t the first time a captive octopus decided to take matters into its own hands — er, tentacles. In 2009, after a two-spotted octopus at the Santa Monica Pier Aquarium in California took apart a water recycling valve, directed a tube to shoot water out of the tank for 10 hours and caused a massive flood, Scientific American asked octopus expert Jennifer Mather about the animals’ intelligence and previous such hijinks at aquariums.

[Zoo animals show off some strong selfie skills]

“They are very strong, and it is practically impossible to keep an octopus in a tank unless you are very lucky. … Octopuses simply take things apart,” Mather said. “I recall reading about someone who had built a robot submarine to putter around in a large aquarium tank. The octopus got a hold of it and took it apart piece by piece. There’s a famous story from the Brighton Aquarium in England 100 years ago that an octopus there got out of its tank at night when no one was watching, went to the tank next door and ate one of the lumpfish and went back to his own tank and was sitting there the next morning.”

Yarrall said the aquarium has no plans to replace Inky, but it does intend to better secure the tank where now just one octopus remains.

“They are always exploring and they are great escape artists,” Yarrall said, according to Hawke’s Bay Today. “We’ll be watching the other one.”

Read more:

How much is a pet dog worth? A court will soon decide.

Science shows how Moby Dick could totally have sunk that whaling ship

Wild tiger numbers are up for the first time in a century

The cat people vs. bird people war has made it to federal court

“He is heavily armed”: Readers respond to the great octopus escape

PACIFIC OCEAN—Following the theme park’s pledge to phase out exhibits featuring the whale species and discontinue breeding them in captivity altogether, the world’s marine life told sources Thursday they were completely on edge now that SeaWorld is moving on from orcas. “At first, I was happy to hear the news about the orcas, but then it dawned on me that SeaWorld would probably try to find a replacement and I just started to freak out,” said an anxious and visibly trembling black marlin, who explained how a feeling of tense unease had spread among the manatees, sharks, octopuses, and other larger species of the ocean ecosystem that any one of them might be rounded up at any moment, transported to a small, featureless tank, and forced to perform a choreographed series of tricks up to a dozen times a day for crowds of onlookers. “The other whales ...

They didn’t sign up fur this.

"Did I ASK for a hat?"

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"Put it back, Greg."

dailymotion.com

"I swear to God, Karen, the moment you fall asleep..."

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"This is ageist and I'm calling the ACLU."

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Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML