PLEASE IMAGINE THE FIRST TIME AN ALIEN HAS ONE OF THEIR HUMAN FRIENDS DIE
‘so hey, that was a great funeral, cool outfits, always glad to learn more about your culture and stuff. So, when is she coming back?’
‘She- she’s not coming back’
‘Yeah, not as Megan, but when is her replacement coming back?’
‘We’re- not hiring anyone new for a couple weeks???’
‘no no no, you’re not getting what I’m saying- I want to ask her about that book she lent me- can I keep it for another week or two, or does her new version want it back?’
The humans stare at the alien and just. slowly start to figure out what the alien is saying. The alien shuffles nervously, their six spindly legs making a skritching noise that echoes in the cold chapel. Finally, the kindest of the humans takes the alien aside and-
‘hey. so. Us humans don’t come back when we die. Not like you do.’
‘what? No, but you clearly talk about reincarnation, and-’
‘Those are just stories, Six. When humans die, we’re gone. We don’t come back.’
The alien laughs ‘No, see, cuz that would mean that- that would mean. That Megan- Megan is-’ The alien cuts off the hissing noise that is their equivalent of a sob. ‘I have to go.’
The alien spends a week in their spaceship, the only place they can send communication to their Mother. When they come back, their carapace is a glistening new shade of red, and they’ve ended up as a different gender. When the lab adviser asks them how they are feeling about Megan-
‘Megan? Oh, yes, my previous version was very fond of Megan.’ The alien cocks their head, like a particularly thoughtful bird. ‘I suppose that I regret her loss. She was a valuable member of the team.’
The lab adviser lets this be- they are aliens after all. But later, when lab hours are done, the adviser notices Six double and triple-checking all the lab equipment, especially- well. The accident that took Megan will never happen again.
The book is never returned.
Now imagine the flip side: Sevan finds out his human friend is due to have a baby in six months. Six months! He asks, and finds that no, there’s no way to delay a human birth. In six months, a new version of his friend will emerge. Will they still like space operas? What about visiting that smoothie place in quadrant 6? Will they even still want to be friends?
His friend asks him to be visit the baby, after it’s born. Of course, of course he will. It’s the least he can do. There’s always that vulnerable phase after birth when you haven’t got the hang of the new motor controls, and everyone needs a helping palp for the first few months.
The night he hears that the new baby has been born, he wails quietly and recites the qualities of his friend that he will miss the most.
Three days later, he gathers his resolve and knocks on the hatch of his friend’s place. Strangely, the access panel hasn’t been lowered - rude. He’ll make sure that’s one of the first things changed. His friends partner opens the door and lets him in and there - there is his friend,looking tired but well, a miniature copy of herself held in her arms. Imagine his joy when he finds out that not only will he get to spend longer with his current friend, but there will be another friend to get to know!
I love sci-fi like this, where it’s less spaceships and lasers but more about people who are just so different to each other managing to get along and build a better future together anyway.
I mean I like the spaceships and lasers too but this stuff gives me some small hope for the future of humanity as a species.
While this was entertaining and all… Seriously, that Six/Seven story would be… Mindblowing as a movie or TV show, like a serious take on 3rd Rock From the Sun.
However…
You do realize how incredibly different the other animals on our planet are from us, right? And our biologists have a pretty good handle on how they all work. When we find new ones, they waste NO TIME learning all they can about them. It isn’t long before we get a new article about the latest permutation of raccoon discovered (this is, of course, referencing this adorable little guy: http://voices.nationalgeographic.com/2013/10/29/cute-pictures-baby-olinguito-found-in-colombia/ ).
How is an alien species supposed to be at all surprised at the biological habits of us? Just a few months of study and they’d get the basics:
-Breathes a combination of Nitrogen and Oxygen, primarily needs the Oxygen.
-Drinks Dihydrogen-Monoxide, apparently needs the entire chemical combination for body regulation.
-Consumes other creatures on the planet, preferably the domesticated ones, but not the ones that dwell within the domicile with them (except in some regions).
-Consumes plant life as well; again, preferably domesticated ones. All others are fuel for commodities.
–Well, these aren’t that different from us. We need to breathe, eat and drink as well. In fact, we drink the same compound! They just call it “water” instead of “mub.”
-Comes in two genders for procreation, has mental faculty to accommodate the concept of gender range outside a binary spectrum and asexual existence, or just mate with as many willing partners at will.
–Oh, thank goodness. I was getting concerned they wouldn’t be able to comprehend our twelve different genders and six castes apiece for each!
-Skin develops in multiple shades, hues and textures, each with their own benefits and drawbacks, somehow the one with the most drawbacks convinced the rest of the planet that it was the one in charge.
–Are you SURE they don’t have multiple genders? And how did the frailest skin tone trick the rest of the species like that!?
-Female gender gives birth to smaller versions that grow up to have aspects that are similar to the mother and one of the males she mated with in the past revolutionary cycle.
–By the GODS! Every single one of their females is a QUEEN!? Even the pale ones!? What do you mean “ESPECIALLY the pale ones!?”
-Despite fragility, prone to taking unnecessary risks in order to stimulate internal generation of narcotics, or to inspire a desire for aforementioned multiple-partner procreation (possibly while under the influence of internally generated narcotics).
-Willfully consumes substances that damage or otherwise harm the subject when internal narcotics are not capable of producing desired effects.
–Enough of this nonsense! You clearly didn’t do your research properly! Go back and do it again, but this time do it right! There is no way any species would willingly endanger itself or poison itself… Just for entertainment!
Oh believe me, I get that earth has a huge variety of life! (Actual praying mantises? They have five eyes, shed the front and back linings of their stomach when they molt, and smell through their butt. What the heck man this is ridiculous) And yeah, any species that could get into space would probably be capable of some pretty effective scientific research.
The problem here is cultural, not biological.
You can know ‘human reproduction works differently’, and even know the specifics of how it happens, and still not really understand what that means about what will happen when your friend dies or gives birth. Because this is a framework you’ve held onto your whole life and it literally didn’t even occur to you to question it. Of course they’d be coming back somehow, that’s just how it works!
And even after you start trying to question it, you just keep accidentally taking things for granted? You keep referring to people with children as a different gender than people without children, your brain just keeps grouping them that way and your single-father coworker is about ready to punch you.
And tbh, this is an entire species of aliens- of course there’s gonna be a huge variety in physical size and hues and local cultures, so finding that in humans shouldn’t be very shocking at all. I’m inclined to think that people will be people, even if they’re alien people, so they probably have their own variations of self-destructive behaviors, seemingly unproductive creative outlets, and useless social norms that still bring huge consequences when they are violated. That’s just part of how existence works.
For me, alien biology is interesting, but it’s the interaction between cultures that really fascinates me. It’s difficult enough when it’s just between multiple Terran cultures, with people who all have the same basic biology and fundamental experience of the world- imagine how much could go wrong with a whole other species!!!
Scheherazade volunteers to go up to the counter to order drinks for her very unappealing Tinder date. He keeps trying to make a move on her, but every time he suggests they “get out of here” she offers to buy him another, more tantalizing drink. After 1001 coffees he goes to the bathroom to pee, and she makes her escape.
I have the browser extension, and it makes the news wonderful. Well, still crappy, but funny as hell. Or something. He's got a funny name and I'm laughing at him. Stop judging me.
excuse me for thinking han and leia deserve a better child than kylo dickbag ren
Writers couldn’t even give them a second kid? If they had to have a kid and that kid had to turn out awful, at least give them another one to balance that shit out.
I know I’ve told this story before, but my abusive ex refused to let me take birth control. I was on the pill until he found them in my purse.
I went to the Student Health Center—they were completely unhelpful, choosing to lecture me about the importance of safe sex (recommending condoms) instead of actually listening to my problem.
Then I went to Planned Parenthood. The Nurse Practitioner took one look at my fading bruises and stopped the exam. She called in the doctor. The doctor came in and simply asked me: “Are you ready to leave him?” When I denied that I was being abused, she didn’t argue with me. She just asked me what I needed. I said I need a birth control method that my boyfriend couldn’t detect. She recommended a few options and we decided on Depo.
When I told her that my boyfriend read my emails and listened to my phone messages and was known to follow me, she suggested to do the Depo injections at off hours when the clinic was normally closed. She made a note in my chart and instructed the front desk never to leave messages for me—instead, she programmed her personal cell phone number into my phone under the name “Nora”. She told me she would call me to schedule my appointments; she wouldn’t leave a message, but I should call her back when I was able to.
And that was it. No judgment. No lecture. She walked me to the door and told me to call her day or night if I needed anything. That she lived 5 blocks from campus and would come get me. That I wasn’t alone. That she just wanted me to be safe.
I never called her to come to my rescue. But I have no doubt that she would have come if I had called. She kept me on Depo for a year, giving me those monthly injections in secret, helping me prevent a desperately unwanted pregnancy.
I cannot thank Planned Parenthood enough for the work they do.
For the politerati, the 2016 presidential campaign's No. 1 metaphor—and it has already become a cliché—is the highway lane. Pundits, political operatives, and other observers (perhaps including your aunt) have droned on about which GOP candidate inhabits which lane. There's been talk of a tea party lane, an establishment lane, a social conservative lane, a populist lane, and so on. Now that the first three contests of the season have occurred, it's becoming clear that there are, at most, three lanes, and, in what might be bad news for Republicans, those lanes might not merge anytime soon. In fact, there may be concrete barriers between each of them, and that increases the odds of a big, chaotic crash at the point where these lanes must converge.
Here's the quick and easy breakdown. There is a social conservative lane, a road for the candidate fancied by the evangelical voters, the part of the GOP base that used to be called the religious right. Sen. Ted Cruz has the wheel here. Ben Carson once had a shot at this crowd and still draws some support from these quarters. But he's faded from serious contention, and Cruz, who campaigns as a godly and courageous conservative, has the natural hold on this bunch. He hasn't rounded up all the evangelical voters. In the South Carolina primary, 74 percent of the GOP voters said they were evangelical or born-again Christians, and Cruz drew 27 percent of that group. (Donald Trump bagged 33 percent, and Sen. Marco Rubio won over 22 percent of them.) The hard core of this group—the born-againist—will stick with Cruz and likely provide him a consistent (and perhaps persistent) base—enough to keep him in the hunt. Cruz could eventually draw many of the hanging-on Carson voters, and he also appeals to the so-called liberty voters, a ragged collection of tea partiers and libertarian-ish votes. But there's little reason to doubt that Cruz can maintain command of this lane for the next few weeks.
luke: and then jabba put leia in a bikini with a chain around her neck, but later she killed him, so...
han (excited): really?
luke: yeah.
han: what did it look like?
luke: erm, the bikini was red and gold and-
han: no. when she killed jabba. what was it like?
luke: she strangled him with the chain.
han: how did her biceps look? i bet she was really flexed.
han: *sighs* *stares off into the distance* i bet she got that really gorgeous look of murderous rage when she's about to do something heroic for democracy and freedom...
i can’t believe people will insist that genitals = gender while still being so quick to assign genders to things including but not limited to: robots, candy, umbrellas, and geological features. why are you more willing to call an m&m female than you are a trans woman
“You took your gum, some rocks you picked up off the ground, and my belt, walked around the pillar out of sight, and came back with a palm-held time machine.”
okay so I’ve thought about this before and actually concluded that laziness is, in the very least, a capitalist concept. it creates a negative aspect of your time not being used “productively”, with productivity obv being defined within work-labor parameters. honestly, I’ve tried to imagine what, in a post-capitalist world, laziness might look like/be defined as and as it stands now, it wouldn’t be the same/wouldn’t exist as a concept at all due to the entirely new relationship of the laborer to the products of their labor etc etc.
I get what op is saying here; “you can’t get up and do work? negatively reflects on you” is a really ableist concept. creating this idea of morality based in ability to produce by capitalist (ie ableist, “able-bodied” being defined as ability to produce/exist under capitalist standards etc) standards is inherently ableist, and ultimately untrue; as a side note, this is an example of how morality is subjective, used to direct the masses under capitalist ideals etc etc those are my thoughts
ok this is the most tumblr thing I’ve ever seen
that’s another thing I’ve been thinking about, how people say “tumblr thing” as if this website with millions of users has a single, amorphous set of beliefs/interests/forms of analysis when in reality, your view of tumblr is what you put on your dash. so that can range from fandoms, to music stuff, to anarchist praxis, to photography of castles in southern Austria.
and it’s gotta be obvious to ppl who say “this is such a tumblr thing” so I wonder, what’s the purpose of saying it? is it the quickest way to acknowledge/shoot down something without having to utilize any critical thought? to rely on some stereotype created by people who, in often times are anti-social activism and are in the positions of power often required to sit in that position, in order to brush off an analysis instead of considering it?
it’s a really fascinating phenomenon that is replicated in a number of platforms. merely dismiss a statement as being too much of a “thing” and suddenly, there’s no need to actually think about it. you’ve crossed it off as having met certain parameters, ie having any subject matter having to do with things you don’t like, and thereby shown your disdain without ever actually having to present a thought as to why. interesting
seems to me like…
we address the very real systems in place outside of the internet: ‘most tumblr thing i’ve seen’ ie these critiques aren’t ‘irl’
we address things that are on the internet: ‘they’re just trolls’, ie what you critique isn’t ‘irl’
Paul Lafargue wrote ‘The Right to be Lazy’ in 1883, arguing that productivity is ableist and classist and that the practice of laziness is anticapitalist, roughly 130 years before tumblr ever existed.
Which is probably the most tumblr thing that the tumblr user with the tumblr url “fuckinstupidaf” dot tumblr dot com has ever seen
“this is the most tumblr thing I’ve ever seen” is the most tumblr thing I’ve ever seen…
When you're trying to explain institutional racism to somebody who really, really wants to accuse you of accusing them of personal racism. Seriously, we kind of need another word, except that never actually works does it?
Liberal MP, Nate Erskine-Smith just posted on twitter encouraging other MP’s to support a basic/guaranteed minimum income pilot project in Canada.
But we’ve already HAD one such pilot project in Canada! There’s no need to go through this again!
They ran a five-year test in Dauphin, Manitoba, during the 70s; at the end of the pilot project, the government didn’t issue the final results and they never talked about it ever again - they just waited for people to forget about it.Because the results were quite striking apparently, and a study was published five years ago.
Here’s some of what we know about the test:
- Only new mothers and teenagers worked substantially less. Mothers with newborns stopped working because they wanted to stay at home longer with their babies, and teenagers worked less because they weren’t under as much pressure to support their families, which resulted in more teenagers graduating.
- Those who continued to work were given more opportunities to choose what type of work they did.
- In the period that Mincome was administered, hospital visits dropped 8.5 percent, with fewer incidents of work-related injuries, and fewer emergency room visits from car accidents and domestic abuse.
- The period saw a reduction in rates of psychiatric hospitalization, and in the number of mental illness-related consultations with health professionals.
