ThePrettiestOne

wikilifeadvice:

pochowek:

wikilifeadvice:

make your own foot scrub

1. feet are pretty hard to make
   
2. dont call me a scrub ever again
   

I was wondering why this got so many notes

wilwheaton:

This is how they set the narrative.

Lauer wastes time making statements that aren’t actually questions about a matter that has been settled by the FBI, the GOP-lead committee that’s been investigating it forEVER, and has been covered to fucking DEATH by TV news, but when he finally got to the foreign policy questions THE FUCKING THING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT, he interrupted Hillary Clinton every single time she was talking. 

So, without providing that context, CNN spins it as her being “unwilling to abide by time constraints.” 

They have to find some way to reach for equivalence, even (usually) when they have to invent it. Trump lied repeatedly, spoke about a classified briefing, and contradicted himself throughout the whole thing. But Hillary Clinton was defensive, so that’s the same thing. Maybe the “controversy” around Trump will overshadow that. Maybe.

taliabobalia:

when millennials were first heading into high school and college there was a huge trend in news stories about how stressed out our kids are, how their backs are getting messed up from carrying so many books, how they’re sleeping less and doing more school work, and how we should do more to help our kids have the childhoods we had because our kids are falling apart from stress and being forced to be more productive than kids should be. but then once millennials started hitting the workforce all the news was about how millennials are lazy and narcissistic and entitled lmao you were real concerned about us until you found out a 23 year old is more qualified to do your job than you

dubiousculturalartifact:

the-two-germanys:

The Princess Finds Horns on her Head.

European Folk & Fairy Tales

Joseph Jacobs
New York: G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 1916.

My favourite part is her expression/body language.
This is not a princess recoiling in horror at a terrible curse.
This is not a princess smashing the mirrors & locking herself away in a tower, because who could ever love a monster.
This is a princess who woke up one morning with big horns on her head, had a brief moment of surprise, then thought “Dannggggg. I look GOOD.”

“An “angel” is anything that carries out a mission for God. This includes forces of nature. […] Photosynthesis? That’s an angel. Gravity? An angel. Magnetism? Angel. The Midrash in Bereishis Rabbah (chapter 1) says than an angel only performs one job. That job doesn’t have to be destroying Sodom; it could be peristalsis, centripetal force or condensation.”

- Rabbi Jack Abramowitz, Angels (via torat-chesed-al-lashona)

queenofattolia:

thisbridgecalledmyback:

svllywood:

steven-gerrard:

Ben Affleck speaks about Islamophobia X

ON BILL MAHERS ISLAMOPHOBIC ASS SHOW GO AWFF AND EID MUBARAK BROTHERS AND SISTERS

okay um yas

#i love it when people yell at bill maher#i would subscribe to a tv channel that was nothing but people yelling at bill maher#and i would watch it every day

punkatory:

itsraviolibitch:

sleepysquidbutt:

aquapunk:

invisiblemoose:

jackpowerx:

Tainted Love played on 13 floppy drives and a hard drive.

That is all.

this took me 4 seconds to reblog

Someone literally took one of the scariest sounds in the world and made it pretty.

@orinokomcgee

This is what dubstep should’ve been

@robot-wank

What.

The.

Fuck.

Forty-eight million years ago, a snake ate a lizard with a bug in its belly, and all three fossilized... That fossil, recently described in Palaeobiodiversity and Palaeoenvironments, is only the second of its kind ever found, revealing three levels of an ancient food chain nested one inside the other in paleontology’s version of Russian nesting dolls—or its culinary equivalent, a turducken.

Details (and explanation of the image) at National Geographic.

Let’s get down to it… reblog it reblog it   reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it Tumblr Gets Deep: Next Page–>

The post Tumblr Gets Deep (21 Pics) appeared first on Pleated-Jeans.com.

astoundingbeyondbelief:

I think the best way I can describe Apocalypse is “evil Old Spice ad.”

Hello, humans. Look at your nukes, now back to me, now back at your cities, now back to me. Sadly, you’re not as powerful as me, because you haven’t collected the abilities of countless mutants and hand-picked Four Horsemen to serve you. Look down, back up - where are you? You’re in a wall. What’s in your hand, back at me, I have it, it’s a gun rapidly turning into dust. Look again, the dust is now metal wings. Anything is possible when you’re the world’s first mutant.

I’m on a pyramid.

mamalaz:

Peggy Carter is Tony Stark’s godmother AU

When she wasn’t telling her godson bedtime stories about Captain America, she was pulling him out of his depression when his parents were killed. Either way, Tony Stark is the son she never had and Peggy is the loving guardian that Tony always deserved.

(this is my headcanon and I’m sticking to it. Also, yes, that is baby RDJ)

jamesthegill:

reverseracism:

White People: Minorities need to stop being so lazy and relying on us!

Minority: I just got a new job 

White People:…They’re taking our jobs! What kind of diversity quota are they trying to fill!? 

Schrodinger’s Minority - they’re both too lazy to work and stealing our jobs at the same time.

It’s obvious to us now that Starfleet ships are not fueled by antimatter but rather, coffee.

Be it a raktajino (Klingon coffee) or just coffee–black–a surprising number of Starfleet’s finest can’t seem to function without pounding back a pint of the dark stuff before considering yet again whether to fire Chakotay.

In our eyes, Captain Janeway is the golden standard-bearer of coffee consumption in the 24th century, but she’s simply reinforcing a long tradition of Star Trek characters subsisting on coffee coffee COFFEE. Without further introduction, we present a stately walk through Starfleet’s love of the bean.

Deep Space Nine‘s Jadzia Dax is pretty hungover, but just give her a couple minutes with some coffee. (Also hey her mug matches her nightgown!)

 

On the set of Star Trek: The Next Generation patron saint of Tor.com, Denise “The Croz” Crosby, downs a pint of coffee while probably giving Wil Wheaton deliberately misleading advice on how to pick up women.

 

You don’t need The Nexus to get nice and wired! (Also who do you think B’etor is knitting that hat for?)

 

Everybody raktajino! Look, even unnamed background crew members need a boost.

 

I’m a crazy alien with my naughty parts on my knee and I just scored free coffee in space prison. WHAT.

 

Captain. Jim. Listen. The coffee machine here sucks. This is gross.

 

Whatever. It’s free.

 

Sometimes there’s stuff in it.

 

But it’s always…free.

 

Nothing works right on the Enterprise NX, not even Captain Archer’s coffee.

 

There is no coffee in the Kelvin timeline! Just whiskey.

 

Shots of whiskey.

 

Chekhov’s whiskey.

 

Did the destruction of Vulcan eliminate coffee from the galaxy?

Is that why original timeline Sulu sticks with tea?

 

Is that why Captain Picard seems so troubled when he drinks his Earl Grey?

 

Captain Janeway, we need your help. Restore coffee to the galaxy.

Our continuing mission…to go where no one has ever gone before…while bringing coffee!

frog-and-toad-are-friends:

bonehousewasp:

okay so let me share a paragraph from the 5E monster manual:

A brass dragon engages in conversations with thousands of creatures throughout its long life, accumulating useful information which it will gladly share for gifts of treasure. If an intelligent creature tries to leave a brass dragon’s presence without engaging in conversation, the dragon follows it. If the creature attempts to escape by magic or force, the dragon might respond with a fit of pique, using its sleep gas to incapacitate the creature. When it wakes, the creature finds itself pinned to the ground by giant claws
or buried up to its neck in the sand while the dragon’s thirst for small talk is slaked.

So a) that’s fucking hilarious, some Vincent-Price-voiced motherfucking dragon knocking you out and you wake up to him in mid-monologue talking about Radiohead’s discography in Excruciating Detail, and b) i think carries the key to understanding and running dragons, which is:

Dragons are naturally giant firebreathing dinosaur wizards that can fly, and so no one has ever told them no. It doesn’t matter whether they’re good dragons or evil dragons, they have an overwhelming sense of entitlement to Everything.

a dragon doesn’t demand tribute. a dragon views you not already wanting to give them your best stuff on account of how cool & great they are as an intentional, personal insult. if you’re lucky, they will respond by throwing a tantrum and wrecking your home, your town and your kingdom. if you’re not lucky, they will first show up at your door in a huff and demand to know why you’re disrespecting them in this manner and why you hate them, then working themselves into a tantrum and wrecking your home, your town and your kingdom.

dragons suffer from the dunning-kruger effect more than even white dudes from san francisco with a tech start-up. they don’t take criticism well, which is a moot point because no one is criticizing them. they often fancy themselves masters of art or deception or repartee, but they’re really, um, not. they demand and crave recognition for their Masterpieces, their Exploits, their Groundbreaking Innovations, and pity the hapless town who gets saddled with the dragon who fancies itself a comedian. (”i burned the church down as an act of satire, god, can’t you people take a joke?”)

@tyrantisterror

violent-darts:

farsizaban:

A man who has traveled to 217 countries in the world on visiting Iran 

http://highlife.ba.com/articles/lessons-learned-from-travelling-to-217-countries/

Imagine being that grandson, though. XD “…yes gramma, I will talk to him. Give him the phone.” 

deathweaver:

mipeltaja:

There’s seriously a dead unicorn in Azsuna named Charlie. Next to him is a treasure chest that contains the item [Enchanted Sunrunner Kidney]. Nearby were two hostile unicorn rares, one reddish, one bluish, that didn’t drop anything of note.

Nobody remembers old memes like Blizzard, and I kind of love it.

blizzard keeps to the old ways

WE’RE GOING TO CANDY MOUNTAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

kaijuslayer:

Let me tell you about one of my high school friends’ old Dungeons and Dragons PCs.

Olaf Olafson was your pretty straightforward Northman Barbarian type. Huge, strong, pale, red-haired and with a tremendous beard. What made Olaf special was the little things.

Despite living in a world with clerical magic, demons, and other powerful alignment-based Outsiders, Olaf was an atheist. This was because his people believed the last world had already ended and the gods went with it (basically post-Ragnarok). All that was left were ‘spirits’. Powerful spirits. Who could grant deific magic. But they weren’t gods, and you didn’t have to worship them- in fact you shouldn’t, because it would just inflate their already swollen egos.

Despite being an enormous, frightening, powerful man with dubious hygeine and a propensity for going literally berserk in combat, Olaf was a gentle fellow in towns and villages, had a deep fondness for small fluffy animals and children, and was a generous tipper.

Olaf liked to drink. Not mead, but wine. He liked to sip it. It made him feel ‘civilized’. He never drank it quickly enough to get drunk. His meals almost invariably consisted of “Wine. Meat. Cheese.” Which was what he would order in literally every tavern. They’d ask him to clarify, what sort of wine? What sort of meat? What sort of- Olaf would raise a hand and repeat, slowly, as if to a fool: “Wine. Meat. Cheese.” 

Olaf spoke broken common, more or less Hulk-speak, referred to himself in the third person almost exclusively, all that fun stuff. Then we had a story arc where I sent them up to Olaf’s homeland, where everyone spoke ‘Northman’ or whatever the hell I called it. While up there, he was incredibly fluent. Even poetic. “My brothers! I have returned from the decadent lands of the south, bearing riches and glory, and tales of great deeds!” The other players caught on and talked like a pack of movie Frankensteins, barely able to communicate in the foreign tongue.

For a long time, Olaf was the most financially stable member of the party. Because he bought a tavern in their home-base-town, hired the senior barmaid/waitress lady to be the manager, and funneled the profits back into the business. He kept his adventuring money and his tavern money separate, except when he would sometimes spend adventuring money to expand the tavern. 

 There’s not a lot to do in 3rd edition with skill ranks when you’re a barbarian, so eventually Olaf sank a point into Healing on a lark. A few sessions later, they captured an important enemy NPC, but he’d lost an arm in the fighting and was about to die. Their cleric had been captured and their NPC paladin wasn’t around, either. There was no magical healing available, and no one else had any ranks in healing. The dude was about to die, and take with him the knowledge of where their friends had been taken. Olaf- with a  single rank in Healing I remind you -offered to save his life in exchange for the location, and the guy agreed. Olaf then stuck a sword in the fire, said “Olaf see this once,” and cauterized the wound.

It worked, of course. I didn’t even make him roll. I was too busy trying not to piss myself laughing. “Olaf see this once.” Jesus Christ.

petermorwood:

solikerez:

marsdaydream:

drinkmasturbatecry:

nudityandnerdery:

the-fandoms-are-valentines:

grandtheftautosanandreas:

Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters

they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay

“He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”

“Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”

“He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”

“It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”

“If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.”

And, of course:

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.”

the one that will always stay with me is “Arthur Dent was grappling with his consciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath,” i feel like that was the first time i really understood what you could do with words.

I will reblog this every time I see it because these are some of my favorite sentences in the English language.

I FUCKING LOVE DOUGLAS ADAMS, HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY IS LIKE MY FAVORITE THING

The trick is to get something like this into writing that’s not-Adams, not-Pratchett, not-Wodehouse (never forget P.G. Wodehouse! there’s an entire book full of his stingers) and perhaps most difficult, not-done-for-humorous-effect. (Even the “hatred” quotation has a touch of bitter humour.)

Original metaphors and similes are the opposite of cliché, but paradoxically their originality tends to make them an eye-catching distraction. This is something to bear in mind.

If, at that precise moment of story, what you’re writing will accept a beautifully polished phrase high-kicking the Original Metaphor Can-Can through the first-class carriage of your reader’s train of thought, then go for it.

Otherwise, perhaps not right there and then.

Clichés (and the often-dismissed “said” as part of dialogue) may not be sparkling or original, but they’re also non-intrusive and the clarity of their meaning has developed over decades of use. They allow the actual storytelling process to continue without the juddering pause that results when some Splendid Figure Of Speech steps forward to be admired at the wrong time, like an uninvited tuba solo at a funeral no matter how well-played.

In Adams, Pratchett, Wodehouse and numerous other writers, a lavish use of Splendid Figures Of Speech is integral to their style; in other writers, in the wrong place, they can have a similar effect on the narrative as a brick through James Bond’s windscreen without any explanation before or after, leaving the reader going “Wait, what, why?” while the story has to take care of its own momentum - which, like any speeding car with a brick through the windscreen, is seldom a good idea.

All of this is IMO. YMMV.

vikingsheep:

A Tumblr-less friend posted this theory her husband had. I slammed the headcanon button so hard I should have bought it dinner first.

Thor: Banner, I desire to act like a normal human for a time. How should I accomplish this?
Bruce: Well, um, normal people don’t have your speech pattern, for one. They, um, have jobs and hobbies…
Thor: Hobbies?
Bruce: You know, photography, video games, puzzles…
Thor: And how does one acquire a ‘job’?
Bruce: Most people use the inter… you should probably look in the classifieds in a newspaper. Also, try shaving the beard and cutting your hair- you’re a bit recognizable.
Thor: *sees Superman/Clark Kent costume* A disguise? Like that man?
Bruce: Sure, yeah, glasses work.

-later, above a Chinese restaurant-

Thor: Hello? I saw your ad. I’m Kevin.

ohgodhesloose:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

just-shower-thoughts:

I’m 100% convinced that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.

This the first logical explanation I’ve heard for this phenomena

That’s a very specific fey creature at work there…

zabreneva:

Schrodinger’s Nap: where you are both too tired to do things and awake enough to not fall asleep so you just lie in bed with your eyes closed suffering.

edwardspoonhands:

drowningz:

grapes-of-plath:

epitomeofnerd:

theendofaspark:

this is never going to not be funny 

Rob Lowe says “that is fucking hilarious” with the straightest face ever

Bless you, Chris Pratt

This is the hardest I’ve laughed in so long

♫♫That’s not something that props can fix…that’s gonna be a little harder to fix.♫♫

boootyfriedrice:

mogifire:

why not both?

^

animatedamerican:

So @your-biology-is-wrong wrote this excellent post, which attracted some wrongheaded comments and a lengthy, well-documented, frankly stunning rebuttal by @millenniumvulcan.  I recommend you go read them.

But the whole conversation got me thinking.

I’ve been saying for some years now that we’re teaching science terribly wrong in schools, and quite possibly the wrongest thing we’re doing is making no distinction between “facts about the universe that we have observed” and “categories and models that we have constructed in order to organize the facts we have observed”.

Essentially, kids are being taught that “cats are mammals” is the same kind of scientific fact as “cats give birth to live young,” and it isn’t.  At all.

Which is why we get discussions like the one linked above.  Or like the ones about Pluto being declared a dwarf planet instead of a planet, where people assert that the change in nomenclature is because “we understand better now what a planet is” and not because we’ve chosen to narrow the definition to (disputably) better organize our constructed categories of Things In Space.  Or, for that matter, like the ones that call out “scientific error” in the Bible by citing references to calling a bat a “bird,” or calling a whale a “fish,” as though the classification system we use today is objective scientific fact instead of constructed model.

Because nobody is teaching kids how to tell the difference, or even that there is a difference.

mostlycatsmostly:

(via Oggy the Cat)

nanceswithwolves:

generalklytus:

thekingdomofben:

No really Hermione you’re way better than him

Well actually Harry produced a powerful patronus at only 13 years old, cheated death twice, and destroyed the most terrible dark wizard that ever terrorized anyone ever.

yeah but hermione punched draco in the face

naamahdarling:

tmirai:

Sia dropped a new single, “The Greatest,” with a video that pays tribute to the victims of Pulse nightclub shooting this summer.

In June, 49 people were killed and 53 injured during a shooting at the Orlando LGBT nightclub.

The video features frequent Sia collaborator Maddie Ziegler, the 13-year-old dancer from “Elastic Hearts” and “Cheap Thrills.” Ziegler dons rainbow war paint as she runs from room to room of a ruined house, leading young dancers into a frenzied party. By the end, they all fall hauntingly still. (x)

oh. man.

this hits hard. but it’s incredible.

tashabilities:

neenorroar:

lionsgobrawrg:

wumbawoman:

aj-elloo:

andreii-tarkovsky:

Fresh Off the Boat - “Hi, My Name Is…”

YES

Why Uzo Aduba wouldn’t change her name:

My family is from Nigeria, and my full name is Uzoamaka, which means “The road is good.” Quick lesson: My tribe is Igbo, and you name your kid something that tells your history and hopefully predicts your future. So anyway, in grade school, because my last name started with an A, I was the first in roll call, and nobody ever knew how to pronounce it. So I went home and asked my mother if I could be called Zoe. I remember she was cooking, and in her Nigerian accent she said, “Why?” I said, “Nobody can pronounce it.” Without missing a beat, she said, “If they can learn to say Tchaikovsky and Michelangelo and Dostoyevsky, they can learn to say Uzoamaka.”

source

They can learn

I’ve worked with many exchange programs on campuses, and they still “encourage” Chinese students to choose English names for their stay in the US. I’ve adopted a rule for myself, I won’t address them with their English name until they’ve told me to stop trying their real name on at least three different occasions. My family is largely immigrant, and while we’ve never had this problem, I don’t think anyone should have to change who they are when them find a new home, even a temporary one. So far, only two exchange student actually wanted to keep their English name, and one of them, Alice, had had Alice for a nickname since she was little.

Don’t know if it’s okay to add this here, but I used to work with a Chinese woman who had changed her name to Angelina for the sake of ease. When she first told me that was what she’d had to do, I asked her for her real name and if she minded me calling her that. She looked so frikkin happy, and it only took about two minutes for me to say it right. It’s not that people can’t pronounce these names, it’s that they won’t. It’s lazy and it’s rude.

It’s also RACIST.

Say ‘racist’.

They pronounce Tchaikovsky and Schwarzenegger just fine.