firehose

Assassin's Creed Unity launched today, but prospective buyers may want to hold off until Ubisoft patches the game to fix what players are calling "crazy low" frame rates, along with problems like bugs and texture pop-in.

A video captured from the PS4 version of Assasin's Creed Unity by ZeroX03 Gaming, which you can see above, exhibits severe stuttering during an act as simple as clambering along a wall inside a church — not anything nearly as complicated to render as the hundreds of characters in the game's Parisian crowd scenes. According to Reddit user Merkwerk, the game's frame rate on PS4 is "not even close to a locked 30 fps, it feels like it's running at 20 something most of the time." The individual added, "I've had it drop way below that a couple of times already."

The performance problems aren't limited to PS4. According to unvirable on Reddit, the Xbox One version is "really running sub 30fps, which makes it unplayable." And prominent YouTube commentator TotalBiscuit reports that the Windows PC version suffers from a host of issues such as "killer [pop-in]," lighting that is "glitchy as hell" and in general, a "MASS of bugs." In addition, TotalBiscuit and other PC players in the Steam forums are reporting that the game seems to be poorly optimized, with players needing a pretty high-end rig to hit a playable frame rate.

Ubisoft announced last month that the development team had "dedicated much of the past few months to optimizing Unity to reach 900p with a consistent 30 frames per second." We've reached out to the publisher for comment, and will update this article with any information we receive. Check back later today for our full review of Assassin's Creed Unity.

Fred Armisen, Selma Blair, and Judy Greer will join Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong in Geezer, a new movie about an aging punk rocker. Armstrong plays the aforementioned punk, who’s both a dad and father and is dealing with a midlife crisis. According to Variety, he’ll attempt to recapture his former glory days with a blowout 40th birthday party in a hotel’s presidential suite, where he’ll run into both his old bandmates and his ex-girlfriend—all of whom have apparently moved on with their lives.

Armstrong has also written songs for the movie, which will co-star Dallas Roberts, Brian Baumgartner, and Chris Messina.

Usher has announced that “Clueless,” the first single off of his upcoming album UR, will be available only in “specially-marked Honey Nut Cheerios packages purchased at Walmart stores across the country.” In other words, it’s going to be a cereal-box prize. The song will come in the form of a download code, which sounds like a disappointing thing to have fall into one’s bowl after waiting patiently, breakfast after breakfast, for the prize at the bottom of the cereal box. (It’s no Darkwing Duck fanny pack, that’s for sure.)

This announcement comes after Usher appeared in a Honey Nut Cheerios commercial last August where he danced with the brand’s bee mascot and managed to keep his shirt on, because he’s older now and no longer cares what anyone but General Mills is sipping on. Ironically, Usher himself is a vegan and, technically, should not ...

Ghostface Killah’s latest album is coming surprisingly soon. 36 Seasons is due out Dec. 9 and is billed as a concept album about “a Staten Island vigilante inspired by a quest for personal retribution and bent on saving his community from the grips of crooked authority and urban decay.” Guests include The Revelations, Pharoahe Monch, Kool G Rap, and AZ. The album’s packaging was produced by Matthew Rosenberg, who created Ghostface Killah’s 12 Reasons To Die comic. It’s also worth noting that 36 Seasons is being released just one week after A Better Tomorrow, the new record from Wu-Tang Clan.

If there's one guy who's given AT&T and Verizon a hard time over the past couple years, it's T-Mobile USA CEO John Legere. The foulmouthed executive — known for dropping f-bombs during corporate events and wearing magenta Chucks in place of wingtips — bedevils his bigger rivals at every opportunity, wielding Twitter like a blunt weapon.

But for all the bluster, Legere actually agrees with his competition on a key point: he thinks that the FCC is at risk of harming competition by stifling the internet with "overzealous regulation."

The tweet, of course, is a response to President Obama's message earlier today that he was in full support of Title II regulation of the internet, a move that would allow the FCC to enforce its court-defeated Open Internet rules ensuring that traffic is treated equally and ISPs can't prioritize certain content providers over others.

The whole thing puts Legere in an awkward position. True net neutrality, the kind that would be enforceable under Title II regulation, is broadly recognized as the consumer-friendly approach: no one who pays for internet service wants to live in a world where their ISPs have the authority to block or slow certain content providers (say, for the sake of argument, Netflix) over business disputes or pay-for-play. And Legere, perhaps more than any other executive in tech, love playing the role of the People's Executive.

But here's the thing: any company that provides internet access is naturally averse to regulation, because regulation generally limits unbounded profiteering in favor of consumer friendliness. And more specifically, a pure and complete interpretation of net neutrality would endanger the legality of T-Mobile's Music Freedom feature, which exempts certain streaming music services from data plans.

Yet, Legere includes the #netneutrality hashtag in his tweet. It's classic regulatory doublespeak, redoubled by Legere's need to keep up appearances. There's really nothing "uncarrier" about it.

The fact is, real net neutrality requires pretty serious regulation. So which is it, Mr. Legere: do you want net neutrality, or do you want to underwrite the same "light regulatory touch" espoused by the very companies you blast for their anti-consumer policies seven days a week?

No matter — mere minutes later, Legere was right back to blasting AT&T for not looking out for its customers:

You often hear about phones getting stolen, but I never thought it would happen to me.

Earlier this year, my 5S was stolen because I placed it on a bench while I was skating. Stupid me, I know. This time, though, in my second phone theft, my iPhone 6 Plus got taken right out of my back pocket. Unlike my 5S, my 6 Plus has the Find My iPhone app set up properly. Here’s my story.

It was like any other Saturday night out in New York City, where bar-hopping and seeing shows is the norm.

I ended up at a local bar pretty late, around 3AM, and was having some beers with my brother. Shortly after arriving, I noticed that I didn’t have my iPhone on me. I hastily patted myself down, feeling each of my pants and jacket pockets, but there was no iPhone. I didn’t remember putting it down anywhere, and my mind began to race; I asked myself over and over, "Where is my iPhone?"

The panic settled in

Over the last week or so, I’ve been experimenting with keeping my 6 Plus in back pocket because it’s so damn huge. Skating or even just walking with a pancaked brick in the front pocket of your tight jeans is less than ideal. Our reviews coordinator William Savona keeps his iPhone in his back pocket, and after reading Dan’s piece and discovering that he too keeps it in there, I gave the back pocket a chance. That night in the bar, I had it in my back pocket. Someone must have taken it without me noticing. The panic settled in.

My brother immediately pulled out his 6 and called my phone. The call went through, but no one answered. Thankfully, I had Find My iPhone set up on my 6 Plus, so I grabbed the phone from him, went to the App Store, and downloaded the Find My iPhone app.

My heart was racing, and I was feeling terrible, angry, and overall confused. "Did I leave my phone somewhere?" "Did I even have my phone at this bar?" "I don’t remember putting it down for a second." Thoughts like these flooded my brain as the app was installing. I signed into my iCloud account as soon as it was done. There it was, a flash of hope — my phone was somewhere in this bar.

When you track your iPhone using Find My iPhone, you are given three options: play a sound on the device, put the device in Lost Mode, or erase the device completely. You’re also shown a map with the device’s last known location, which seems to update every 30 seconds or so, as long as your phone is still on.

So there I was in the bar, holding my brother’s 6 with Find My iPhone open. I began hammering the Play Sound button, hoping I’d hear the ringing somewhere in the bar. I decided to walk around and look for it using the phone’s flashlight, but the bar was packed, the music was loud, and people were drunk.

I put my phone in Lost Mode soon after that, because frankly I didn’t have many other options. I wasn't even sure what Lost Mode did, but I went with it anyway. When you enable Lost Mode, you’re asked to enter a phone number you can be reached at (I entered my brother’s phone number), and you can enter a message. I wrote something along the lines of "Please please return my phone!" Maybe someone had my phone, or maybe it had fallen on the ground somewhere. I also had no idea if the message I typed out was going to be sent as an iMessage, shown on the phone somewhere, etc. But again, there wasn't much else I could do.

Earlier that night, I had seen a show with my brother in Brooklyn. He found a phone on the ground during the performance, and after the show ended, someone was hastily searching the ground for — guess what — that exact phone. My brother returned the device and his good deed was done for the day.

Fast forward, and we’re back in the bar. The thing about Find My iPhone, is that it’s not 100% accurate to the point where you can track it to the inch, or even foot — the icon kept shifting around every so often, and there was one point where I thought the thief had left the bar. I ran outside and continued smashing the Play Sound button, but the icon jumped back to the bar. I went back inside.

It was nearing closing time, 4AM, and I had been pressing the Play Sound button for 45 minutes straight. As people were exiting the bar, I began asking if they had seen a 6 Plus on the ground somewhere. I was very careful not to accuse anyone of stealing it, because that wouldn’t have been a smart idea.

I was about to give up. I went over to the manager (who knew my situation) to let him know that I hadn’t found it yet, and then it happened: the phone icon jumped across the street. The person left the bar. This was my chance.

This was my chance

The manager apologized again and wished me luck. I got my brother and told him with my sternest face, "They’re across the street; let's fucking go."

We exited the bar and ran across the street. As I was crossing, the blip moved again, appearing to be on a sidewalk corner a block away. My phone was near, but I didn’t see anyone at the exact location Find My iPhone was directing me to.

I then noticed group of people on the street — a man waving a handkerchief at a cab, perhaps trying to flag one down, and three younger guys. The man didn’t get in the cab and instead walked back onto the sidewalk. Something came over me. I cannot explain exactly what, but I knew this was the guy.

I said to my brother in Hebrew, "I think that’s him," and we began to follow. The thief was up front, my brother was about 10-15 feet behind him, and I was 10-15 feet behind my brother. I kept smashing the Play Sound button, and that’s when my brother heard the ring. "It’s him," my brother exclaimed.

How do you approach a thief?

In my 24 years I’ve never been in a fist fight and I’ve never confronted someone in a situation like this before. How do you approach a thief you know for a fact stole your $900 cellphone? What do you say? What do you do?

This is the moment my instincts took over. I didn't feel fear. I felt confident. I had absolutely no intention of starting a fight. I just wanted my phone back.

The man who had my iPhone suddenly stopped on the sidewalk. I heard the ringing myself. My brother and I swiftly approached him. There were no words exchanged, just the blaring sound coming from my iPhone in his jacket pocket.

"My iPhone! You have my iPhone! Holy shit man you found it! My iPhone! It’s ringing in your jacket!" I said all of that with the biggest smile on my face, acting as if I had just won the lottery. (I pretty much did.)

Without saying a word, he pulled out my 6 Plus from his jacket pocket, and I took the phone out of his hands. Find My iPhone worked.

My brother and I exchanged some words words with the thief, and we joked and laughed about random things — mind you, it was after 4AM, and we had been drinking.

The thief claimed he was at the bar when he came across the phone. I don’t remember his exact words, but he says he was going to wait by his car for a minute, hoping someone would come and find it.

It’s crazy to think about the tiny window of opportunity I had to get the phone back. Had I not run across the street the second I did, had I not been stricken with a divine instinct that that was the thief, had my brother’s iPhone not been charged, I may have never seen my phone again. But I did. Persistence is key. Karma is a real thing.

Here’s what you should take away from this story:

• Never, ever keep your phone in your back pocket
• Return things that don’t belong to you
• Find My iPhone works when used properly — use it!
• Be persistent — there's almost always hope
• Smile, and be nice

After I got home, I had realized something critical: the thief never turned off the phone. Why? Usually, the first thing someone does after they steal a phone is power it down to cut off any location tracking. Why didn’t he turn the phone off? My theory is that he simply didn’t know how to. Maybe he wasn’t familiar with the new power button placement on the 6 and 6 Plus. Maybe. I don't know. All I know is that he didn't turn it off, and that's what saved me.

If you’re wondering why I didn’t get the cops involved, I was so determined to get my phone back that I don’t remember the thought ever crossing my mind. As soon as the blip moved across the street after the bar closed, I had a feeling I’d see my phone again. Unexplainable and crazy, I know, but it happened. And I have my iPhone back.

Six new cognacs are hitting the market from existing brands Hine and Tesseron. 

Newly Available Tesseron Cognacs

For the first time, Tesseron will make its Signature Collection and Royal Blend bottlings available nationwide. 

XO PASSION is an assemblage of 30 separate eaux-de-vie, each aged more than ten years. (SRP $300)

Extra LEGENDE is a marriage of reserves of Grande Champagne from 50 separate eaux-de-vie.  (SRP $500)

TRESOR is a blend of more than 100 separate eaux-de-vie, aged in the Tesseron family’s Paradis cellars.  (SRP $1,200)

ROYAL BLEND is a selection of fifty distinct Grande Champagne blends from Ugni Blanc and Colombard grapes.  (SRP $1,500)

Domaines HINE Bonneuil 2005

HINE Vintage Cognacs and US importer Anchor Distilling Company will introduce a limited edition Grande Champagne cognac, Domaines HINE Bonneuil 2005. Bonneuil 2005 will be the first expression in a new collection of single grand cru, single harvest cognacs, originating from HINE’s own 297 acre estate, Domaines HINE. Each year, a selection will be made to create a new addition to the collection. Only 18 casks (8,100 bottles) of Bonneuil 2005 were selected for bottling. It will be available in the United States at a suggested retail price of $139.99 at 43% ABV.

The Domaines HINE Bonneuil 2005 consists solely of Ugni Blanc grapes, a late-maturing varietal that produces a dry, delicate white wine. Hine is one of the few houses in the Cognac region to have its own vineyard. The winter of 2004 was sunny with a few light frosts. The flowering season progressed well until early July. Temperatures soared to 35°C, creating dry conditions typical of hot years and triggering the onset of ripening a week earlier than usual. The grape harvest took place on 30th September, a hundred days after flowering, in fine sunshine.

HINE 250

In celebration of its 250th anniversary, the House of HINE has created HINE 250, a Grande Champagne cognac presented in a Baccarat crystal decanter in a limited edition of 250 bottles worldwide. This November, through Anchor Distilling Company, 10 bottles will be available within The United States at a suggested retail price of $15,000 at 42%ABV.