firehose

actegratuit:

Faltering monuments, Columbus (hardwood, varathane)

Brandon Vickers

Google CEO Larry Page just said in a blog post that Google has never heard of a program called “PRISM,” and that the US government does not have “direct access” to Google’s servers, as alleged by recent media reports. Assuming that the PowerPoint slides published yesterday by the Guardian and Washington Post and purporting to be from the US National Security Agency aren’t simply fake, how then is it possible that the NSA has broad access to Google’s data without Google ever giving it up?

The answer, says 30-year NSA veteran turned whistleblower William Binney, is simple: Since at least 2001, the US government has had access to all the internet communication passing through at least one and possibly more fiber-optic hubs in the US. That would give the NSA access to a vast amount of data without “direct access” to company servers.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that something more sinister doesn’t exist, says Binney; the NSA might have more than just peripheral access to some internet companies. Assuming that the NSA’s detection systems are placed only on major hubs for internet communication, as the one discovered in 2005 was, the NSA might be missing internet traffic that doesn’t travel through these hubs. So PRISM, hypothesizes Binney, might have been initiated in order to capture internet communications the NSA was not able to record already. (If such a system tapped directly into company servers, though, it would contradict Brin’s statement today.)

“I figure they could get 80% on what’s on the network and the other 20%, the companies [like Google and Facebook] have to fill in,” says Binney, who adds that these numbers are “just my estimate” based on what’s known about how much traffic flows through the Internet’s busiest hubs.

Binney also points out that, given the structure of the internet, the NSA is best equipped to spy on Americans, not foreigners, because the hubs it has access to are all in the US. Despite this fact, much of the world’s internet traffic travels through the US anyway, making it a uniquely advantageous place to put listening devices. US spy agencies have even warned that the gradual shift away from the US as the primary hub for internet communications could make it more difficult for them to eavesdrop.

The Atlantic

Author of Patriot Act says NSA phone records collection 'never the intent' of law Fox News The author of the Patriot Act said Thursday that a secret program under which the Obama administration was collecting phone records from millions of Americans is "excessive" and beyond the scope of the law. Rep. Jim Sensenbrenner, R-Wis., who wrote the ... Jay Evensen: Government collects personal data ... are you surprised?Deseret News NSA's Verizon records collection: "Calm down," Reid saysCBS News Admit It, Rep. Sensenbrenner: You Were Wrong About the Patriot ActThe Atlantic Red Menace (subscription) -NPR -Slate Magazine all 113 news articles »

The National Security Agency admitted to accessing the databases of many of the largest internet companies including Google, Facebook, Apple, and Skype, allowing the agency to mine the contents of emails, photos, videos, chats, and other online data.

I do. How fortunate for us both that there are videos of it. A nuclear containment "flask" is subjected to all kinds of impact tests, and then submerged in a pool of burning jet fuel in this informative video.

Read more...

Melbourne, Australia-based artist Isaac Moores (aka “Izac Less“) has created a “Face Folding Films“, an ongoing video series where he takes famous movie scenes and compresses the faces of every character. Previously we wrote about Isaac and his animated version of Patton Oswalt’s Star Wars: EpIsode VII plot proposal.

Here is episode 2 ofd “Face Folding Films,” which was recently released:

Lord Voldemort (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2)

Ferris Bueller (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off)

Scott Pilgrim (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World)

via Tastefully Offensive

Prop and costume maker Bill Doran of Punished Props has launched the Prop Space Gun Project with the goal of creating do-it-yourself kits of Doran’s original space pistol design for anyone to build, modify, and paint themselves. In addition to creating DIY space gun kits, Doran is also offering a limited number of “collectors edition” models already assembled and painted. The project is currently seeking funding on Kickstarter.

images via Bill Doran

Kuma Tomo, the nightmare bear

On June 20, Bandai Namco will release Kuma Tomo for 3DS in Japan, a game in which you are pressed into the service of a horrifying teddy bear brought to life somehow.

This unnatural creature requires you to cook fresh food for it, even though it can’t possibly have a digestive system. Naturally, since you’re cramming food into its magically animated fluff, you have to wash your Bear Friend as well.

BUY Nintendo 3DS and 3DS XL consoles, upcoming games

A compilation of 6-second shenanigans.

Je kop | Reddit

It’s quite common to have a timed lockout after entering several bad passwords. This simple form of security makes automated brute force attacks unfeasible by ballooning the time it would take to try every possible permutation. The lock screen on iOS devices like iPad and iPhone have this built in. Enter your code incorrectly several times and the system will make you wait 1, 5, 15, and 60 minutes between entries as you keep inputting the wrong code. But there is an exploit that gets around this. [Pierre Dandumont] is showing off his hardware-based iPad lock screen attack in the image above.

He was inspired to try this out after reading about some Mac EFI attacks using the Teensy 3. That approach used the microcontroller to spoof a keyboard to try every PIN combination possible. By using the camera kit for iPad [Pierre] was able to do the same. This technique lets you connect wired keyboards to the iPad, but apparently not the iPhone. A bluetooth keyboard can also be used. These external keyboards get around the timing lockout associated with the virtual lockscreen keyboard.

We’re of the opinion that this is indeed a security vulnerability. If you forget your passcode you can simply restore the device to remove it. That wipes all of your personal data which can then be loaded from an iTunes backup. Lockscreens are paramount if a device is stolen. They will give you the time you need to change any online credentials which might be remembered by the device.

Filed under: iphone hacks, security hacks

The NSJ Crew - Khaki Pants (by BeatsandRhymesORG)

"They want to make an example of me, saying, 'You don't f*cking come after us.'"

Yellowstone Gate

Obama proposes lifting Lower 48 wolf protections MyNews3 Las Vegas KSNV BILLINGS, Mont. (AP) — The Obama administration has proposed lifting most remaining federal protections for gray wolves across the Lower 48 states, a move that would end four decades of recovery efforts but that some scientists say is premature. State and ... Allysia Finley: Lone Wolf Seeks Same—No Stalker Homo Sapiens, PleaseWall Street Journal APNewsBreak: Plan lifts Lower 48 wolf protectionsThe Missoulian Interior Department proposes removing gray wolf from endangered listThe Hill (blog) KLCC FM Public Radio all 129 news articles »

Lucas123 writes "As consumerization of IT and self-service trends becomes part and parcel of everyone's work in the enterprise, the corporate data center may be left behind and IT departments may be given over to business units as consultants and integrators. 'The business itself will be the IT department. [Technologists] will simply be the enabler,' said Brandon Porco, chief technologist & solutions architect at Northrop Grumman. Porco was part of a four-person panel of technologists who participated at a town hall-style meeting at the CITE Conference and Expo in San Francisco this week. The panel was united on the topic of the future of IT shops. Others said they are not sure how to address a growing generation gap between young and veteran workers, each of whom are comfortable with different technologies. Nathan McBride, vice president of IT & chief cloud architect at AMAG Pharmaceuticals, said he's often forced to deal with older IT workers coming on board who expect his company to support traditional email like Outlook when it uses Google Apps.' Sooner or later, IT departments are going to change. When do you think that will happen, and how will they be different?"

Read more of this story at Slashdot.

He brought the Good Book to the wasteland in The Book of Eli. Now Denzel Washington has signed on for another Dystopian flick titled Shovel Ready. Hopefully this one won't actually be about a shovel.

Read more...

CBS News

FBI: Shannon Richardson tried to frame husband for ricin letters sent to Obama ... CBS News TEXARKANA, Texas Shannon Richardson had been married to her husband less than two years when she went to authorities and told them her suspicions: He was the one who had mailed ricin-laced letters to President Barack Obama and New York Mayor ... Texas actress charged in Obama ricin threatKEPR 19 Texas actress arrested in ricin caseStephenville Empire-Tribune 'Walking Dead' actress arrested in connection with ricin caseKingston Daily Freeman JDJournal.com -Aledo Times Record all 751 news articles »

It's been 20 years since Method Man first threatened to "lay your nuts on a fucking dresser and bang them shits with a spiked fucking bat," and the Wu-Tang Clan is celebrating by encouraging us all to reunite with our families. The Clan is still in the studio working on a new album, but they just released "Family Reunion," a single that RZA said he hopes will "inspire family reunions throughout the world." Not to be confused with that time he encouraged decapitation. 

You can listen to the single and order a 7" of it here. List of tour dates below. 

6/14/13 - Manchester, TN - Bonnaroo Festival
7/5/13 - Quebec, Canada - Festival d'Ete International de Quebec  
7/6/13 - 80/35 Festival 2013 - Des Moines, IA
7/7/13 - Ottawa, Canada - RBC Royal Bank Bluesfest
8/30/13 - 9/1/13 - Chicago, IL - North Coast Music ...

Read more

Jennifer Olivarez has created an adorable crocheted sweater to turn Myrtle the turtle into Super Mario Bros. villain Bowser. Step by step directions for how to make your very own Bowser turtle sweater are available at Olivarez’s website Squirrel Picnic. Previously, we wrote about Katie Bradley’s tiny turtle cozies available for purchase on Etsy.

Bowser, image by Nintendo via Wikipedia

images via Squirrel Picnic

via Geek Crafts, Pxlbyte

Turkey’s story has been one of cycles of conflict and then calm, not long-term violence in which citizens gather arms against the regime. Turkish military intervention could, for decades, be counted on to impose order on a divided public or allegedly Islamic-leaning political leaders.

While the current protest over Istanbul’s Gezi Park have escalated in violence, domestic tensions no longer portend a coup.

The army, long the Turkish public’s most trusted institution and the self-styled guardian of Kemalist secularism, has seen its role as domestic watchdog neutered by a combination of democratizing reforms (that have placed it more firmly under civilian control) and political maneuvering that has removed many of its most vigilant generals from office.

Without plausible military intervention, AKP is far more emboldened than any previous right-wing party in Turkey might have been and will almost surely retain full power over the military and law enforcement.

But as for the idea that everyday Turks might rise up against the state, and the military? That’s even less likely. Despite the hundreds of thousands of protesters on the streets and the millions more that might sympathize with them, AKP too has millions of supporters. Even if the extreme reaction of the last week has forced some people off the political fence and onto the side of the protesters, AKP can still count on support from much of its conservative base, who helped elect it to a third electoral victory in 2011.

Three outcomes are possible. Least likely is that Erdogan will concede to demands for his resignation and early elections that could sweep AKP out of office. He intensifies his rhetoric daily and defiantly insists that construction on Gezi Park will go forward. Having painted himself into a tight political corner, Erdogan sees himself unable to respond to protesters without looking weak, no matter how many people head to the streets—a shame since even acknowledging the protesters could do much to calm the situation.

A second, more likely outcome is that the protest movement will peter out after several more days or weeks, dissuaded by the ongoing injuries, arrests, and deaths that will accompany continued police violence. We must only hope that the state response stops short of harsher tactics like increased arrests and the ordering of civilian deaths, which would seriously harm human rights as well as Turkey’s international standing. In the longer term, successfully evading calls for reform would probably entrench Erdogan’s domineering tendencies, which could potentially spell a tragic, slow slide into authoritarianism.

A third possibility—a long, Syria-like intractable civil conflict—seems premature. Erdogan, for all the current chaos, is not Assad. As far as we know, internet connections have not been tampered with, the police have not been authorized or instructed to kill civilians, and organizations within Turkey seem to feel comfortable publicly lodging their complaints. In short, things are not as bad as they could be and there is room for compromise. Erdogan should seize it and rein in the police force’s more extreme methods. The situation is precarious and any or all of the above factors could yet change to galvanize anti-AKP forces and make civil conflict more likely.

Also a mediating factor is the collective understanding within Turkey that the country has come incredibly far economically and politically in recent years. Everyone, Erdogan included, is loathe to undo years of progress. Full breakdown would not only hurt Turkish citizens, but also Turkey’s standing as an emerging regional power and the oft-lauded model of Muslim-majority democracy.

Nonetheless, intractable conflict is not entirely off the table and could become more likely if intensifying crackdowns spur and radicalize protesters rather than disperse them. Turkish society has historically grappled with its main divisions—secular/religious, elite/working class, and right/left—in fits and starts of conflict that have eventually abated, albeit sometimes with military intervention. Now, with an enervated army and the national media largely stymied by AKP, protesters know that their prospects are limited.

If crushed without any governmental concession or acknowledgment, they might write off Turkish democracy as a sham, disengage from public life, and leave the victorious AKP to lead a country made unstable by ossified social divisions that push dissidents toward violence.

Erdogan would be prudent to make reasonable overtures before the viability of an unlikely Turkish Spring, or, worse yet, a long-term civil war, are put to the test.

We welcome your comments at ideas@qz.com. 

U.S., British intelligence mining data from nine U.S. Internet companies in broad secret program - The Washington Post:

…So it looks like the only largish player they’re NOT interested in is Tumblr.

MOAR MEMES EVERYBODY! :)

These days, there is significantly more credence given to the idea that life got a kickstart from alien molecules, and the support is beginning to come from all corners of the scientific world.

“PRISM” is the government’s name for a program that uses technology from Palantir. Palantir is a Silicon Valley start-up that’s now valued at well over $1B, that focuses on data analysis for the government.

#hungie #hungrie #hurngree

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  Dun-Well Doughnuts
  Brooklyn, NY
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Orange-Pistachio
  You'd never guess from tasting this unique combo of citrus and nut that all of Dun-Well's pastries are vegan, but they are. Those tree-hugging health maniacs have infiltrated even our most sacred ground: dessert!! But once you tast these 'nuts, you'll finally like vegans. The place's also got a Cadbury Creme Egg donut that's only available at Easter, and is miraculously made without sacrificing the lives of ANY Cadbury chickens, even though that doesn't make sense.

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  Endgrain
  Chicago, IL
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Bourbon Vanilla
  It's never a bad thing when you've got bourbon in your dessert. Add to that a Bacon Butterscotch number and one called Nutella Milk Stout, and you've got the well-rounded meal of a rhino manly donut-fiend. Just be sure to get at least a six-pack, like we did, so you don't have to play favorites.

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  Glam Doll Donuts
  Minneapolis, MN
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Peanut Butter Sriracha
  It's just like your classic PB&J, except instead of jelly, it's COVERED in Sriracha, then sprinkled with peanut shards. Given that it's served alongside The Starlet (strawberry frosting, chocolate sprinkles), The Calendar Girl (chocolate glaze topped with sea salt, with a melted caramel center), and a maple-glazed, candied bacon-topped Long John, you won't mind a little spicy Asian invasion in your American classic.

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  Doughnut Dolly
  Oakland, CA
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Hand-Filled "Naughty Cream"
  This place is named after the women in WWI who would bring coffee and donuts to soldiers (so THAT'S what "total war" entails!), and the woman who makes 'em injects flavors like chocolate-hazelnut, raspberry jam, and the above unmentionable delight.

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  Federal Donuts
  Philadelphia, PA
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Mint Chocolate Cookie
  After sending their 'nuts through a robot fryer, FD coats them in flavored sugars (Turkish Mocha, Strawberry Fennel, Vanilla Spice), then tops them with delicious "mixes" like the above Mint Chocolate Cookie, Maple Bacon, or Spicy PB&J. Did we mention they've also got coffee-fried chicken? They've also got coffee-fried chicken.

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  Do Rite Donuts
  Chicago, IL
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Maple with Candied Bacon
  Like all of Do Rite's flavors, the fellas above are lovingly made in batches of three dozen, and are technically closer to fried dough than donuts, hence the cruller-esque appearance. But hey, a donut by any other name would still smell as sweet, thanks to delicious fried cake, icing, and CANDIED FREAKING BACON. Open-faced jellies with peanut butter mousse and raspberry jam are their other, um, jam, so you should probably just get all three dozen yourself.

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  Union Square Donuts
  Somerville, MA
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Maple Bacon
  Combine the ladies who teach you how to cook and do all sorts of DIY at City Chicks with the kombucha/ice pop cyclists at Culinary Cruisers, and you get hand-knit kombucha koozies? scrumptious small-batch donuts (duh!), like their drippingly-delicious maple bacon, hibiscus rose, or stuffed orange-ginger cream.

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  Donut Bar
  San Diego, CA
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Maple Bacon Bars
  "But those donuts aren't even round!", you say. "But they are delicious!", we say. "Mhhrsmwhmmna", you say, as you stuff your face with these life-altering bars. They've also got Crème Brûlée donuts that they make by caramelizing the sugar on top with a blow torch. Or, if neither of those do it for you, opt for their Chocolate Euphoria topped with chocolate curls.

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  Astro Doughnuts & Fried Chicken
  Washington, DC
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Maple Bacon and Brooklyn Blackout
  Aren't they just the purtiest little things you ever did want to inhale in a gluttonous rage? The guy on the left's got a generous helping of Benton's bacon, but if you're more in the mood for "pre-owned" cutoff Beatles tees and mother-shaming haircuts, opt for that BK number on the right, with devil's food cake and cookie-crumb topping. Oh, and in case the name wasn't clear, this place also sells fried chicken.

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  Glaze
  Denver, CO
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Japanese Circular Cake
  Okay, so this one isn't technically a donut, but it IS a crazy Japanese cake with a bajillion layers that takes forever to make/cut/serve. This flavor is Matcha Green Tea with limoncello, and it serves 4-6 people, or just you, you insatiable fiend.

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  Gourdough's Public House
  Austin, TX
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: The Freebird
  The term "donut" may have to once again be a bit flexible to include this monstrosity, but there is technically a donut underneath all that. There also happens to be cheese cake filling, cream cheese icing, graham cracker crumbles, strawberries, and blackberries. Given that the place also has a cocktail called the Grandpa's Breakfast with maple syrup, blood orange, egg white, bacon-infused bourbon, and a STICK OF BACON, it'd be un-American NOT to make the trek out to Austin to snag one of each.

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  GBD
  Washington, DC
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Brioche with Chocolate Filling and Cocoa Krispies
  Surprise! This guy's made of brioche, stuffed with a ring of chocolate, dipped in milk chocolate ganache, sprinkled with Cocoa Krispies, then drizzled with vanilla frosting, allowing you to live out those two dreams you thought were incompatible: fancy beret-wearing writer in a French cafe AND stay-at-home child living in your mom's basement and eating Cocoa Krispies out of the bag so messily that they fall out all over your donuts. Who says dreams can't come true?

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  Glazed and Infused
  Chicago, IL
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Bar Snack
  M&Ms, pretzels, peanuts, potato chips... you can get practically a week's worth of junk food out of the way with a single Bar Snack donut from Glazed and Infused. They've also got banana cream cheese, a Key lime custard-stuffed (topped with graham cracker streusel!), and a bacon-maple Long John, so you've pretty much got all of your junk-food bases covered.

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  Surdyk's Cheese Shop
  Minneapolis, MN
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Maple Glazed with Bacon
  Donuts from a liquor store? Your washed-up detective life-long dream is finally a reality. Surdyk's fries up their donuts in grape seed oil, resulting in a crispier dough. This fella's glazed in maple and then sprinkled with Benton's bacon, but they've also got lemon-lavender chocolate glazed and a cinnamon, cardamom, clove, and orange Chai Spice donut. Plus, every donut comes with a free donut hole. Sorry, kindergarteners.

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  Peter Pan Donut & Pastry Shop
  Brooklyn, NY
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Red Velvet Cake
  This shop has been around since 1961, so you know this donut with cream and crumbled red velvet cake, all for $1, is totally legit (vanilla glazed with rainbow sprinkles for photo-friendly propping not included). Also, it's from Brooklyn, so you know it enjoys vintage snapbacks.

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  Firecakes Donuts
  Chicago, IL
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Coconut Cream
  This small-batch 'nut shop in Chi-Town coats this coconut cream number in toasted coconut flakes and tops it with a delicious pile of coconut shavings. Or, if you need a little something extra to put out your fire, snag their blood orange with raspberry jelly, Tahitian vanilla glazed, or Nutella Long Johns (!).

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  Do or Dine
  Brooklyn, NY
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Foie Gras
  This place is known for pushing the boundaries (they've got a shot called The Spherickle Back, which is a pickle back in a crazy floating sphere), but a foie gras donut is a serious mind-blower. You may never have imagined you'd be eating a goose liver-stuffed donut, but you DEFINITELY never imagined that a goose liver-stuffed donut could be this tasty.

National Donut Day is Friday, June 7th, which is basically the equivalent of having another birthday. Unless your regular birthday is June 7th, in which case you've just got one donutbirthday. Wait, let's call it a Girthday. Yeah, that's it.

But, on such a momentous day, you don't want you to settle for just any donuts -- we took the liberty of rounding up the finest in all the land, right here in this handy list. Track them down and get to celebrating.

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  Dun-Well Doughnuts
  Brooklyn, NY
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Orange-Pistachio
  You'd never guess from tasting this unique combo of citrus and nut that all of Dun-Well's pastries are vegan, but they are. Those tree-hugging health maniacs have infiltrated even our most sacred ground: dessert!! But once you tast these 'nuts, you'll finally like vegans. The place's also got a Cadbury Creme Egg donut that's only available at Easter, and is miraculously made without sacrificing the lives of ANY Cadbury chickens, even though that doesn't make sense.

• 

  Tweet
  Image 3 of 18

  Endgrain
  Chicago, IL
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Bourbon Vanilla
  It's never a bad thing when you've got bourbon in your dessert. Add to that a Bacon Butterscotch number and one called Nutella Milk Stout, and you've got the well-rounded meal of a rhino manly donut-fiend. Just be sure to get at least a six-pack, like we did, so you don't have to play favorites.

• 

  Tweet
  Image 4 of 18

  Glam Doll Donuts
  Minneapolis, MN
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Peanut Butter Sriracha
  It's just like your classic PB&J, except instead of jelly, it's COVERED in Sriracha, then sprinkled with peanut shards. Given that it's served alongside The Starlet (strawberry frosting, chocolate sprinkles), The Calendar Girl (chocolate glaze topped with sea salt, with a melted caramel center), and a maple-glazed, candied bacon-topped Long John, you won't mind a little spicy Asian invasion in your American classic.

• 

  Tweet
  Image 5 of 18

  Doughnut Dolly
  Oakland, CA
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Hand-Filled "Naughty Cream"
  This place is named after the women in WWI who would bring coffee and donuts to soldiers (so THAT'S what "total war" entails!), and the woman who makes 'em injects flavors like chocolate-hazelnut, raspberry jam, and the above unmentionable delight.

• 

  Tweet
  Image 6 of 18

  Federal Donuts
  Philadelphia, PA
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Mint Chocolate Cookie
  After sending their 'nuts through a robot fryer, FD coats them in flavored sugars (Turkish Mocha, Strawberry Fennel, Vanilla Spice), then tops them with delicious "mixes" like the above Mint Chocolate Cookie, Maple Bacon, or Spicy PB&J. Did we mention they've also got coffee-fried chicken? They've also got coffee-fried chicken.

• 

  Tweet
  Image 7 of 18

  Do Rite Donuts
  Chicago, IL
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Maple with Candied Bacon
  Like all of Do Rite's flavors, the fellas above are lovingly made in batches of three dozen, and are technically closer to fried dough than donuts, hence the cruller-esque appearance. But hey, a donut by any other name would still smell as sweet, thanks to delicious fried cake, icing, and CANDIED FREAKING BACON. Open-faced jellies with peanut butter mousse and raspberry jam are their other, um, jam, so you should probably just get all three dozen yourself.

• 

  Tweet
  Image 8 of 18

  Union Square Donuts
  Somerville, MA
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Maple Bacon
  Combine the ladies who teach you how to cook and do all sorts of DIY at City Chicks with the kombucha/ice pop cyclists at Culinary Cruisers, and you get hand-knit kombucha koozies? scrumptious small-batch donuts (duh!), like their drippingly-delicious maple bacon, hibiscus rose, or stuffed orange-ginger cream.

• 

  Tweet
  Image 9 of 18

  Donut Bar
  San Diego, CA
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Maple Bacon Bars
  "But those donuts aren't even round!", you say. "But they are delicious!", we say. "Mhhrsmwhmmna", you say, as you stuff your face with these life-altering bars. They've also got Crème Brûlée donuts that they make by caramelizing the sugar on top with a blow torch. Or, if neither of those do it for you, opt for their Chocolate Euphoria topped with chocolate curls.

• 

  Tweet
  Image 10 of 18

  Astro Doughnuts & Fried Chicken
  Washington, DC
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Maple Bacon and Brooklyn Blackout
  Aren't they just the purtiest little things you ever did want to inhale in a gluttonous rage? The guy on the left's got a generous helping of Benton's bacon, but if you're more in the mood for "pre-owned" cutoff Beatles tees and mother-shaming haircuts, opt for that BK number on the right, with devil's food cake and cookie-crumb topping. Oh, and in case the name wasn't clear, this place also sells fried chicken.

• 

  Tweet
  Image 11 of 18

  Glaze
  Denver, CO
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Japanese Circular Cake
  Okay, so this one isn't technically a donut, but it IS a crazy Japanese cake with a bajillion layers that takes forever to make/cut/serve. This flavor is Matcha Green Tea with limoncello, and it serves 4-6 people, or just you, you insatiable fiend.

• 

  Tweet
  Image 12 of 18

  Gourdough's Public House
  Austin, TX
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: The Freebird
  The term "donut" may have to once again be a bit flexible to include this monstrosity, but there is technically a donut underneath all that. There also happens to be cheese cake filling, cream cheese icing, graham cracker crumbles, strawberries, and blackberries. Given that the place also has a cocktail called the Grandpa's Breakfast with maple syrup, blood orange, egg white, bacon-infused bourbon, and a STICK OF BACON, it'd be un-American NOT to make the trek out to Austin to snag one of each.

• 

  Tweet
  Image 13 of 18

  GBD
  Washington, DC
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Brioche with Chocolate Filling and Cocoa Krispies
  Surprise! This guy's made of brioche, stuffed with a ring of chocolate, dipped in milk chocolate ganache, sprinkled with Cocoa Krispies, then drizzled with vanilla frosting, allowing you to live out those two dreams you thought were incompatible: fancy beret-wearing writer in a French cafe AND stay-at-home child living in your mom's basement and eating Cocoa Krispies out of the bag so messily that they fall out all over your donuts. Who says dreams can't come true?

• 

  Tweet
  Image 14 of 18

  Glazed and Infused
  Chicago, IL
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Bar Snack
  M&Ms, pretzels, peanuts, potato chips... you can get practically a week's worth of junk food out of the way with a single Bar Snack donut from Glazed and Infused. They've also got banana cream cheese, a Key lime custard-stuffed (topped with graham cracker streusel!), and a bacon-maple Long John, so you've pretty much got all of your junk-food bases covered.

• 

  Tweet
  Image 15 of 18

  Surdyk's Cheese Shop
  Minneapolis, MN
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Maple Glazed with Bacon
  Donuts from a liquor store? Your washed-up detective life-long dream is finally a reality. Surdyk's fries up their donuts in grape seed oil, resulting in a crispier dough. This fella's glazed in maple and then sprinkled with Benton's bacon, but they've also got lemon-lavender chocolate glazed and a cinnamon, cardamom, clove, and orange Chai Spice donut. Plus, every donut comes with a free donut hole. Sorry, kindergarteners.

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  Peter Pan Donut & Pastry Shop
  Brooklyn, NY
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Red Velvet Cake
  This shop has been around since 1961, so you know this donut with cream and crumbled red velvet cake, all for $1, is totally legit (vanilla glazed with rainbow sprinkles for photo-friendly propping not included). Also, it's from Brooklyn, so you know it enjoys vintage snapbacks.

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  Firecakes Donuts
  Chicago, IL
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Coconut Cream
  This small-batch 'nut shop in Chi-Town coats this coconut cream number in toasted coconut flakes and tops it with a delicious pile of coconut shavings. Or, if you need a little something extra to put out your fire, snag their blood orange with raspberry jelly, Tahitian vanilla glazed, or Nutella Long Johns (!).

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  Do or Dine
  Brooklyn, NY
  Donut You Absolutely Need to Eat: Foie Gras
  This place is known for pushing the boundaries (they've got a shot called The Spherickle Back, which is a pickle back in a crazy floating sphere), but a foie gras donut is a serious mind-blower. You may never have imagined you'd be eating a goose liver-stuffed donut, but you DEFINITELY never imagined that a goose liver-stuffed donut could be this tasty.

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