John Pistole described a second, highly dangerous al Qaeda underwear bomb in unusual detail at a Colorado security conference.
firehose
Shared posts
How Apple Trains And Manages Its At-Home Workers
firehoseHuh. Somehow I manage to do the same thing without needing to be babysat
maybe getting paid more than $9/hour helps with that
Swarm Of 30,000 Bees Kills Two Mini-Horses And Five Hens
firehoserevenge
they're still figuring out the whole "which ones are the humans" part
Larry Summers thinks US banks should maybe be a little bit bigger
firehosethis fucking guy

Larry Summers now seems to be the front-runner to become the next head of the US Federal Reserve.
If he gets the job, he’ll be both the guardian of monetary policy and one of the most important financial regulators in the country. As such, we figured it was worth digging through some of Summers’ recent statements to try to get a sense of what kind of regulator he would be.
Summers is sometimes queried on his role in the Clinton-era deregulatory push, which peaked with the passage of the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act in 1999. As the cognoscenti cog-know, that law removed protections that had previously separated commercial banks from Wall Street trading houses. And many, such as Elizabeth Warren, now a senator from Massachusetts, argue that the repeal of those protections “mattered enormously” to how the crisis played out.
Summers begs to differ. He tends to deflect criticism with a couple of arguments. He points out that some of the highest-profile financial failures of the crisis—Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers—were individual Wall Street investment banks. In other words, they would have been allowed to exist even before Gramm-Leach-Bliley was enacted. ”If you look at the big failures, Lehman and Bear Stearns were both standalone investment banks,” he told a British interviewer back in early 2012. ”Perhaps if they had been combined with banks they would have been in a more healthy situation.”
Strictly speaking, that may be true, but it’s a limited way of looking at the financial crisis. The collapse of Bear and Lehman really only mark well-known peaks of the financial crisis. Major “Main Street” financial institutions also either collapsed or provoked panicked, last-minute rescues, including what was once the largest US mortgage originator, Countrywide Financial, and the country’s largest-ever bank failure, Washington Mutual.
And it’s not as if Bear and Lehman failed and that was the end of the problem. The collapse of Lehman set off a panic that threatened to take down US megabanks such as Citigroup and Bank of America. Those deposit-taking institutions were vulnerable because they had large trading divisions that had grown in size and importance after the Depression-era restrictions were removed. And it ultimately took a system-wide bailout funded by the US taxpayer to quell the panic.
But another way Summers tends to parry questions about his record as a deregulator is more interesting. He brings up Canada (at 11:20 in the video) and its heavily concentrated banking system:
What country has been the best probably at weathering this financial storm, of the major countries? It’s probably Canada, which has only five major banks in the whole country, which are very broad in the set of activities in which they engage. So no, I was not favor of the regulation that separated entirely banking and investment banking activities because I recognized the importance of diversification.
Doesn’t it sound like Summers is arguing that the US financial crisis was a result of having banks that were too small, rather than too large? Summers seems to make a similar argument in this July 2012 interview with NPR (at 11:00):
I also think it’s a mistake to assume that somehow breaking up the banks would be a panacea. The lesson that was drawn from the S&L crisis was that the financial system was excessively fragmented. That was the lesson that was also drawn from the Depression. The other lesson that most experts have drawn from recent experience is that Canada, which has a much more robust system of regulation than other countries, has been a model. But it has a financial system that is heavily consolidated.
Now, Summers has a point. The Canadian system does suggest that a banking system isn’t necessarily doomed to instability if it is dominated by large, complex institutions. Canada’s largest are both commercial and Wall Street-style investment banks. But Canadian is stricter on its banks than the Americans.
In the run up to the financial crisis, Canada’s single banking regulator, the Office of the Superintendent of Financial Institutions, “proved tougher than in the United States, mandating higher capital requirements, lower leverage, less securitization, the curtailment of off balance sheet vehicles, and restricting the assets that banks could purchase,” according to economists (pdf) who have studied the difference between the US and Canadian systems.
The idea of simply allowing the US banking system to become as concentrated as Canada’s is nuts. The US has proven time and again that it doesn’t have the regulatory chops to keep American banks from periodically blowing themselves up—along with large chunks of the real economy.
If Summers is tapped to run the Fed, confirmation hearings will likely zero in on his seemingly favorable views on the concentration of the banking system. It would be useful to understand what exactly he is suggesting. Given Summers’s love of debate, that could make for a lively back-and-forth, as a bi-partisan break-up-the-banks bill has been on the move lately.
Why You Should Be Drinking More Whiskey
firehosefuck this content-free bullshit
Is This The Most Embarrassing Interview Fox News Has Ever Done?
→ NeverWet doesn’t work
Farhad Manjoo’s review:
In my tests, it did successfully render some items immune to liquids, but not everything, and not nearly to the degree that you see in the company’s demonstrations. The coating didn’t seem to last long, either. … The coating leaves a frost-colored haze on every surface, and it turns textures rough and faintly gummy. That explains why the shirts and shoes shown in the company’s demos are white; on any other color, NeverWet would look terrible.
Damn.
David Ortiz Obliterated A Dugout Phone With His Bat
firehoseGo Papi go
fuck phones
Kindergarten Coders Can Program Before They Can Read
New Note-taking App ‘Springseed’ Debuts on Ubuntu
firehose"Small issue: A known webkit node js bug means that, for now, you can’t adjust the size of the Springseed window on Linux."
go
fuck
your
self

A new note-taking app for Ubuntu has been released.
Springseed, by developers Jono Cooper and Michael Harker, is a simple, lightweight note-taking tool written in Javascript. Its developers have badged the open-source organiser with the slogan: ‘Simply awesome note taking’.
Features of Springseed
For its initial release Springseed is focusing on the basics.
Notes can be created/edited, assigned to a ‘notebook’ and searched through using the global search field.
Dropbox account sync allows you to back-up and sync your notes & notebooks across installations.
Markdown Support lets you write & format notes in plain text:
Finally, Notebook Creation allows you to organise & group your notes by topic or theme.
Small Issue
A known webkit node js bug means that, for now, you can’t adjust the size of the Springseed window on Linux.
The good news is that the application does automatically adjust to fit the size of your screen, and maximising still works as you’d expect.
Download Springseed for Ubuntu
The next release of Springseed, version 1.1, will bring Mac & Windows builds to the table along with, albeit tentatively, Ubuntu One sync support.
Springseed is a free download and requires Ubuntu 12.04 LTS or higher.
The post New Note-taking App ‘Springseed’ Debuts on Ubuntu first appeared on OMG! Ubuntu!.
Me Want Protect You from Head Injury
Submitted by: Unknown
The Bar Has Been Raised
Kinda like an acrostic Rick Roll. Well played.
Submitted by: Unknown
winged: ohwhatatragiccost: cake-crumbs: Jupiter Structural...
firehoseCAKE, MOTHERFUCKERS
FUCK YOUR 2-D PIE BULLSHIT





I’m not even that into cake, but this is fucking JUPITER in cake form…
Whoa.
gingerbreadme submitted: And, because I noticed that there are...
firehose'The last one circulated Tumblr for some time now and it’s confirmed to be a male kabuki actor in drag. You should probably add a note on that and that female samurai was called “onna-bugeisha".'




gingerbreadme submitted:
And, because I noticed that there are plenty of entries for female knightly armour, but little for more oriental-looking ones, here are some Samurai women.
The (picture three) is from Pathfinder, designed by Anna Christenson, (FreShPAiNt on DeviantArt) and a series of similar armour designs can be found on her DeviantArt Gallery, alongside plenty of great examples of armour design, female and male alike.
These are amazing! And yay for some variation!
edit: ozziescribbler said: The last one circulated Tumblr for some time now and it’s confirmed to be a male kabuki actor in drag. You should probably add a note on that and that female samurai was called “onna-bugeisha”.
With 'Blurred Lines,' Robin Thicke hits the big time, finally - latimes.com
firehosefuck this guy
Hugh Jackman as The Wolverine Stumbles to $21 Million Friday Opening | TheHDRoom
firehosefinally, are the comic book movies done, really? thank god
Three largest Canadian carriers lobby to keep Verizon out
firehoseI'm usually down for competition
but fuck Verizon forever and all carriers suck forever anyway
For nearly a century, Canadian wireless has been dominated by three companies: Bell, Rogers and Telus. But lately, rumors have been circulating that Verizon may try to make a move into the country, busting up the so-called Big Three and carving out a piece of the Canadian market for itself. For the existing telecoms, it's a scary thought, so they've joined together in an open letter and a public ad campaign, asking the Canadian government to change the current rules to make Canadian telecom a less attractive target.
Their biggest complaint concerns Canada's anti-consolidation laws, which prevent any of the Big Three carriers from buying up smaller telecoms. Those rules don't apply to foreign companies, and as Verizon eyes deals with Canadian upstarts like Wind Mobile and Mobilicity, the Big Three are asking for the right to buy the companies for themselves — or at least bid up the price. They're also asking for changes to the Canadian spectrum auction, which let US-based companies bid on a broader range of wavelengths.
According to Bell and the other Canadian telecoms, it's a matter of leveling the playing field, and forcing Verizon to play by the same rules. Still, while these rules might be good news for Canadian business, it's unclear they'd be good for the average consumer. As one analyst told The Financial Post, "anything that makes the three bullies a little bit afraid is something that Canadians should celebrate."
- Source Financial PostMontreal Gazette
- Related Items canada rogers spectrum bell antitrust telus telecoms Verizon
Proposed Detroit subway system to be built along the median of...
firehoseDetroit subway, lol

Proposed Detroit subway system to be built along the median of new highways. 1945.
themaidjanecrocker: tf2-fandomstuck: devious-vixxen: thegirlsu...


dlgr:
Brownie in a mug
eating it now. so good,
Marcie this is positively sinful! So good and cheap and fast! thank you for reblogging it!
Never not reflagging
ITS IN THE MICROWAVE AS WE SPEAK
GLORIOUS WITCHCRAFT
Reblogging because this is one of my favorite desserts. (Officially it’s a steamed pudding in the British sense of the word, but there’s no point in getting too hung up in nomenclature.)
How Internet Hatred Can Destroy Your Soul And Dreams
firehosePhil Fish is a dick; won't miss him.
Grumpy Cat Grumppuccino Bottled Coffee Drink Announced
firehosefuck you
The Official Grumpy Cat Facebook page has announced that the popular internet feline Grumpy Cat will soon have a bottled coffee drink branded with her likeness. The new beverage (which will come in three flavors) is called Grumpy Cat Grumppuccino and its bottle bears a stylized illustration of Grumpy Cat. There’s no information yet on when or where the product will be available, they simply state: “Coming soon. Seriously. It’s delicious!”
#grumppuccino will come in three flavors! #GrumpyCat pic.twitter.com/XupC46vdqV
— Grumpy Cat (@RealGrumpyCat) July 28, 2013
Live Free, Play Hard: CLICK TO LORD AGAIN
firehoseyay space lord
By Porpentine on July 28th, 2013 at 2:00 pm.

“The pilot has full faith in your control of the space station”. Musical murder cubes. THE TOP TEN FUNNEST LORDS.

Shrug Song by Alina Constantin and Nifflas
Alina Constantin paints a lovely world, a sample of coming work set in the universe of Shrugs. I especially like the transformations (fragmenting into rocks, flowing into plant form, all with a peaceful smile on your face).
Shrugs are shapeshifting creatures who “live in symbiosis with a home seasonally covered by the ocean tides.” This theme of symbiosis is born out by your primary mode of interaction. Instead of acting directly on the environment, you play music. Plants, insects, even rocks respond to your notes, all in different ways.
The goal is convincing other Shrugs to teach you the melodies that will open the stone arch. The audio feedback is particularly excellent on the stone arch and the plant pod where one of the Shrugs is sleeping–a growing radiance of light and sound as you feel your way toward the correct series of notes.

ISIS by Liz England
“You have a crew of one.”
You are ISIS, a space station orbiting the Sun. Inside you lives a sweating little human. They carelessly invoke your massive brain. Their trash flows through your guts. They feed off your energy.
“The pilot…uses his hands to smear sweat, bacteria, and salt into your clean chair.”
Liz England’s writing describes the pilot with such clinical distaste, cultivating a sense of how fragile a thing he is, passing through your airlocks, eating the food you synthesize, breathing your oxygen.
So many things can go wrong.

Space Lord by axcho
Space Invaders role reversal. You are the Space Lord, and your job is to engineer 25 waves of star critters and send them against the AI-controlled player.
But you don’t want to kill the “player”, just keep them interested. Too hard and they die, too boring and their Fun meter goes down. Along the way they get power-ups, so you have to adapt your waves to their growing strength (speed, damage, etc), while making sure you provide enemy variety.
On top of that, you can get back in the pilot’s seat and play against the top 10 funnest Lords here.

Battle Cube by Nifflas
A giant murder cube made of gears and black smoke, and it looks like obsidian caught in flashes of lightning. This is the boss battle distilled, the ultimate evil, the machine that exists to kill you, no plot, no explanation, just you and the cube.
The cube’s weaponry is governed by music–drums spitting projectiles, synths spinning lasers, etc.
Arrow keys to move, Space to dart. Darting is perfectly expressed–elongated body flitting like a hyperactive tadpole as you dance through gaps in the musicdeath.
You can take three hits.

Ynglet by Nifflas, Sara Sandberg
This is also by Nifflas and also deals with sound and movement, just reversed–hand-drawn and shimmering instead of harsh and industrial.
You are a fish in a void full of water bubbles. You leap from bubble to bubble, ever higher, like you’re trying to escape through the fragments of a lake shattered by polarized gravity.
If you miss the bubbles, you soar to your death. This (along with the delicate controls) emphasizes the safety of the water by contrast, and I would find myself lingering in the bubbles, appreciating their role as micro-sanctuaries.
I like how a dimension of the art is submerged deep in the sound design. The bubbles look like simple pencil sketches, so their liquidness comes mostly from the splashing sound effects, and the way the music drowns underwater.
All three of these Nifflas games are sonic masterpieces, because the sound is so harmonious with exactly how you’re moving and what you’re striving for, like sunlight on your face leading you out of a dark cave (except for Battle Cube which is more like being trapped in a nightmare pocket dimension of congealed traffic lights and weaponized loudspeakers).

Journalière by Mason Lindroth
Surreal, dithered exploration of various structures on a world map crossed by car. Mason’s perspective is always striking–rooms yaw at wide, generous angles, and structures tower with organic, clay-like protrusions.
So artwise, Journalière has what I enjoyed about Mason’s earlier games like Somsnosa and ASMOSNOS (along with the special movement commands learned from other denizens of the island–controls that are fun, not utilitarian). Along the way you’ll find abandoned arcade machines, dancing people, and signs of bizarre, slimy decay.
I like how deep you can walk inside buildings before transitioning to indoors. A small touch, a matter of an extra second or two, but you feel a depth that would be lost if an entrance hotspot were placed at the edge of the building.

Icarus Needs by Stillmerlin
Slick, minimal adventure game about escaping from a dream. The dreamworld is divided into comic panels and organized into monochrome zones with distinctive tunes.
When I played Stillmerlin’s last game, A Duck Has An Adventure, I mentioned wanting more interaction. This keeps the format but adds gentle interactivity akin to massaging the environment until you progress.

Miracles Magpie by John Candy
I started playing and I didn’t stop. So much deeper than I ever could have imagined.
John Candy draws with pixel trash-heaps. The art is the exploration. By which I mean, the chunky graphical noise makes looking at the environment an act of exploration in of itself, in that we’re testing borders (can I walk through this wall? Can I walk on this color?) and making sense of images (submerged just below the surface of representational). At the convergence of the abstract and the representational, we’re left in a perpetual state of unresolved impressions about the seemingly endless structure and its laconic inhabitants.
Familiar things exist in the ruins (locked doors, items from chests, a shop) but whether they’re part of some orderly system or just derelict signifiers in the chaos, I haven’t figured out yet.
The music is incredible, a single looping track powerful enough to carry the entire game.

Mr. Kitty Saves the World by James Earl Cox III
adj jjk j39 <Mvc9c99kc9k(K#(>>>>f,f#<,3,<>
3l33kek#{({{(o)}})}sdsddddddddddd
3444442222XXXXXX###%%%%%%%%%%%%
k303****##(*#*(#(*
Unsealed birth records give adoptees peek at past - Lebanon Daily News
firehoseLouisiana, some day
|
Unsealed birth records give adoptees peek at past
Lebanon Daily News SPRINGFIELD, Ill.—Nearly 9,000 adoptees have claimed their birth certificates since Illinois fully re-opened birth records for adopted residents less than two years ago. And thousands more nationwide have come forward to claim their papers, prompting ... and more » |
Lab grown burger will be the most expensive ever served
firehosefuck you
Watch One Of The Largest (Virtual) Space Battles In Human History As It Unfolds Live
firehoseonce again
The Death Of Temp-Town, U.S.A.
I Just Wanted to Fly Solo: A Night at the Sugar Ray Festival
firehosevia Amy Lynne Grzybinski
At 6 p.m. on a Sunday night I’m driving an hour outside of Ann Arbor to attend the Clarkston, Mich., stop of the Under the Sun tour, which celebrates “the golden age of nineties pop rock ‘n’ roll with Smash Mouth, Sugar Ray, Gin Blossoms, Vertical Horizon and Fastball.”
I am alone and wearing jorts and a baseball T-shirt, onto which I have Sharpied “MRS. RAY.” I am only slightly depressed that none of my friends in town seem to see the Under the Sun tour as the can’t-miss cultural event that it is; mostly I’m glad, because now it'll be much easier for me to really get in there and be a Sugar Ray superfan for the night.
On the way to the venue, I play the same two Disclosure songs for 30 miles straight and get into character. “No one’s done anything like ‘Every Morning’ since 1999,” I say sincerely into the rearview mirror. “Such a chill song. Perfect for summer. We’ll never get another Mark McGrath.”
I believe all these things to be true.
When I get to the parking lot, I pause in my car for a second and smoke some weed, feeling like a loser. Fastball is already on—I can hear “The Way” from the parking lot—but people are tailgating, and near me, someone’s blaring Sugar Ray.
Suddenly self-conscious and also suspecting that I have overestimated the percent of attendees whose appreciation would be colored with irony, I walk into the DTE Energy Musical Theatre, which is a 15,000-cap venue, and get a beer from a guy standing over a cooler at the base of the stairs leading to the general-admission lawn. He asks for my ID. When he hands my license back, he says, “You’re a lot better-looking in person.”
“Cool,” I say. “Cool to know. Do you like Sugar Ray?”
“Sure,” he says. “Whatever.”
I climb the stairs in a hyper-aware state, entering a sea of earnest, clean-cut white Midwesterners jamming out with incredible enthusiasm to Vertical Horizon, who have taken Fastball’s place. I make my way around the arc of the lawn surrounding the covered pavilion and sit down at the very left edge of the grass.
Surrounded by groups, I start texting. You’re never alone when you have technology, I tell myself, and then look around, wondering how I’m going to get my journalistic in with the Sugar Ray crowd.
Then a guy taps me on the shoulder: “What’s a pretty girl like you doing here by yourself?”
•••
For the minute it takes us to walk up the lawn to this guy’s group of friends, I think about the advantages conferred by my physical self, which is such—small, smiley—that I’ve enjoyed years of valuable impunity in two of my most fond pastimes: consuming substances in public and soliciting personal information from strangers.
We sit down in a loose knot of people, and this guy—Scott—introduces me to his friend Jake, who’s wearing a polo shirt and a goatee. “You’re gonna love this, actually,” Scott says. “We’re here with like the only black guy in this whole place.”
“Why would I, in particular, love that more than anyone else?” I ask sweetly.
“Seriously, he’s the only black guy here,” Scott says, motioning to another friend.
“You should be proud of yourself,” I say, and watch him nod as I introduce myself to Jake.
“Gear?” Jake queries.
“Jia,” I repeat.
“Jeeyar?” he asks, perplexed. The music is not very loud on the lawn, and it’s still daylight, but we are conversing at a volume and confusion level that I associate with last call.
“Ji-a,” I shout.
“What—like, what sort of—what is that origin—”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say. “Hey, who are you here to see?”
“Sugar Ray,” says Scott. “Mark McGrath is the dude.”
“Totally,” I say. “A few weeks ago I was listening to Sugar Ray in a pool and wishing that a plane would skywrite 'MARK MCGRATH' in big loops across the sky, and then he’d parachute into the backyard and shotgun a beer.”
They look at me, jarred.
“Sorry, I’m pretty stoned,” I say.
“Damn!” Jake says. He holds his fist out for me to bump. “I’ve never met anyone like you. Damn, that’s so badass. You’re just here by yourself and you’re stoned? Damn, I’ve never met another girl who would do anything like that.”
My hackles go up at the extremely basic level of his game. But I am curious about Jake, so I ask him what sort of music he listens to—normal stuff, he says, motioning to the stage; stuff like this, good stuff—and then I essentially interview him until the seventh time he tries to hit me with a combo fist-bump/appearance-based compliment after I voice an very pedestrian opinion (“Summer’s the best,” is what I’d said, blandly).
I decide to stop talking for awhile. After a few minutes of watching the people on the hill, I say spontaneously that everyone looks pretty in this light—it was truly lovely; golden, limpid and warm, fireflies starting to light up everywhere in that Midwest summer way—and Jake looks at me as if I were a tiny dog that just did a trick and pronounces, “You’re a goddess. I’ve never met anyone like you, a girl who just thinks these things.”
“That comment is rooted in severe sexism,” I say.
“That’s a really mean thing to say,” he says.
“I’m sorry,” I say, the sativa strain in my brain cells making my thoughts feel like Tetris pieces as they come out of my mouth. “I’m not trying to slight you. I’m just getting a read on you as the type of person who either has a much lower standard of ‘interesting’ when it comes to women, or thinks that flirting with someone renders actual conversation irrelevant. Either way, I think you consider girls to be objects first.”
He looks at me sadly. “That’s not true at all.”
“Okay,” I say. “I’m sorry if it’s not. But anyway, like I said, I have a boyfriend.”
“But he’s not here.”
I repeat myself: he's home teaching a class.
“You love this music so much that you came here all by yourself?”
“Yeah,” I say. “I just… really love Sugar Ray.”
“Some of the best music ever made,” he says, initiating our eighth fist-bump.
Under the pavilion and close to the stage, a huge group of people wave their arms back and forth to a Vertical Horizon song in a slow way that makes them look like air traffic controllers. Then the song’s done, and the band bids us goodbye. “This was our tenth time at this venue,” says the lead singer. “The first time was 1992!”
They are immediately replaced by Gin Blossoms, who come out on stage yelling what’s up Detroit! The lawn erupts with cheering as the lead singer’s voice echoes: “This is real Detroit, the real deal right here!” The guys around me are yelling "DE-TROIT! DE-TROIT!"
We are 40 minutes away from downtown Detroit. It’s time to go.
“Great to meet you,” I say, and walk down the lawn. I go to the bathroom, where two girls are crammed into the stall next to me. I think they’re rolling a joint. “Which end do I lick, bro,” one of them stage-whispers, and they start giggling.
Here are my people, I think, feeling warmth in my heart. I wonder if they’ve grown up here and, if so, if they're accustomed to guys acting amazed at their personhood.
•••
With a new beer, I walk to the bottom-middle of the lawn section, leaning against a railing and resting my cup on the ledge. After a minute, a guy in plaid cargo shorts comes up to me, introduces himself as Brian and asks me what sort of music I’m into.
“I really love Sugar Ray,” I say, motioning to my shirt. When he holds out his fist, my reaction comes out as a stifled yelp. Did Jake put you up to this?
“What about you?” I ask.
“Lot of hip hop,” he says.
“Me too!” I say happily. “What’s been your favorite release this year?”
“You probably wouldn’t know it,” he says. “But, a guy called J Cole.”
“Uh, sure,” I say. “Yeah, I’ve listened to that album a bunch. I wish the Miguel song weren't 1,000 percent better than anything else on it.”
“You actually know your shit,” he says, impressed. “You actually really like music. Hey, you’re not like most girls, are you.”
At this, I jump to the immediate conclusion this man is an inferior rube whose favorite things are Macklemore and chicken nuggets. Then I try to remember I’m wearing tiny jorts and a T-shirt that says "MRS. RAY." Don’t be such an asshole, I tell myself. Don’t be such a snob.
“So, why are you here by herself?” he asks.
“I like doing things by myself,” I say.
“You should have someone here to take care of you.”
“What specifically do you mean by that?” I ask. “You know, I’m going to be honest—I don’t like this music at all. I’m here mostly because I’m a writer and I thought this would be interesting. Which it is, and not because of the music.”
Brian looks sad. “You don’t actually like this music?”
“I don’t,” I say. “I mean, I can appreciate it, for sure. We are currently living the American Dream.”
He holds out his fist again as Gin Blossoms breaks into “Hey Jealousy.”
“But even in a technical sense,” I add, one hand resolutely on my beer and the other on my water, “these bands are not good. I don’t know if they’re rusty, or if the original arrangements were super uninspired and they’re afraid to deviate, or—”
“Deviate,” he says. “Big word. You know your shit. I’m a musician.”
I ask what he plays.
“Everything.”
I ask what he’s best at.
“Vocals,” Brian says. “Definitely vocals. I kill at vocals.”
I ask if he’s in a band.
“No,” he says. “It’s hard to be in a band. But I know I’d kill it if I was.”
“It’s hard to be in a great band,” I say. “But it’s not actually hard to be in a band. And real talent gets out somehow. The music industry is tough for sure, and it's changing as dramatically as any other creative field is right now, but music is like the current writer's market in that it's possible for good people to get noticed very quickly, and both are more meritocratic than, say, the movie system.”
“You’re too smart for your own good,” he says.
I cough on a mouthful of beer. “That’s incredibly sexist,” I say. “Would you ever say that to a guy? Why would it ever be better for me to be dumber than I am?”
“I don’t know,” he mumbles.
“You probably think I’m a big hater,” I say, and he nods. “I’m not actually a hater at heart. Just in my head sometimes.”
“Well, right now you’re definitely using your head too much,” he says ruefully.
I realize I am only still talking to Brian because I’ve been too lazy to stand up. Then Sugar Ray takes the stage.
“Booty call!” shouts Mark McGrath, looking well-preserved in a black short-sleeve button down and white pants. “Detroit, I’m coming tonight!”
I say goodbye and walk away as the band wrenches itself pitchily into the raucous yell of “Every Morning.”
•••

During Sugar Ray’s set, this great expanse of white people in colorful summer clothing gets frisky and wild. Girls are dancing barefoot, couples are holding each other prom-picture style, bouncing back and forth with their hands clasped together in the air. Hundreds of mini-universes are contained around me; lots of teenagers are bidding for affection and sneaking beer. I finish mine and jump into a circle of dancing twentysomethings, bumping hips with a girl in red shorts. But when the song ends, I feel awkward and walk away quickly, taking a seat at the opposite end of the lawn, close to where I came in.
Mark McGrath is shouting out the troops. “I know it sounds a little strange to go on like this,” he shouts, his hair gelled perfectly vertical. “But these 19-year-olds, out there, protecting us so we can do this—” His voice cracks with sincere emotion, and the crowd goes wild again, and suddenly he breaks into “Fly.” It's an extended version; when I think it's ending, McGrath drops into an interlude where he chants “fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly” over a (pretty badass) vamping bass, and then embarks on what feels like a seven-minute coda.
I've got some space. I'm into this. This song is a good-times classic.
As "Fly" ends, a man in his late forties comes up to me and without introduction tells me that I need to get with his son. “He’s really hot,” he says.
“That’s a weird thing to say,” I say.
“Well,” says the man, “I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this, but you’re beautiful. And you should be with someone beautiful.”
“Like Mark McGrath,” I say, pointing to my shirt.
“Where are you from? Like, what ethni—”
“Yuck,” I say. “Hey, can you take a picture of me really quick?” I want to prove to myself that I didn't imagine all of this.
He does, and then pulls out his own phone. “Let me—”
I don’t hear the rest because I’m walking away, up the soft green grass. Sugar Ray is covering “Blister in the Sun” and the arena has achieved Peak Midwest Summer Joy. The sun is dropping behind the lawn. Smash Mouth hasn’t gone on yet, but I am suddenly very aware that I need to leave. Nothing has actually transpired here, but this has not been the chill night I had hoped for; these guys have not been chill bros. The Under the Sun tour has unexpectedly turned into a reminder of what often happens when you are a girl and you go someplace alone: you are (at the very least) objectified, which leads to being (at the very least) underestimated, and the times that that has served me well as a writer are far outweighed by the times I have been harassed, roofied, groped in public, followed or forced to hide in foreign grocery stores as the person who's been stalking me lopes ominously by.
At the same time, the overt aggression of those events made them easier to quantify—less, or at least differently insidious than this tomfoolery tonight. These guys at Sugar Ray Fest, if they read this, might flat-out call me a bitch for bridling at what was just them trying to be nice, trying to see what a nice girl was doing there alone. But I wasn't actually alone, because you are never alone when you're with Sugar Ray, and anyway I couldn't actually be alone because of all my new sexist pals. All night I've been wondering if every woman in these dudes' lives gets treated like talking mannequins or if it's just a few of them, or what.
As I drive home through the dark hush of Michigan farmland, I pull the thread of my discomfort and catch out the night that I was 13 and snuck into a hotel pool in Galveston and a paunchy man in his fifties gave me my first drink of alcohol ever—a Jack and water in a clear plastic cup, delivered with a gender-specific grin and a pronouncement conferred to be as much of a senses-dulling gift as my tasty cocktail. “You’re pretty,” he said, and I was young and I still thought that was the most important thing, and for a second I was desperately, sincerely grateful.
60 CommentsCOOKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
firehosevia Vjuliao
autoreshare; ifapom/gpoy

COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







