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16 Aug 15:54

Starship Mine - 6.18

by ajlobster
Russell227

“Jonathan Pryce: Ocarina Edition” is the funniest thing I've read this week.

This episode was brought to our attention by reader Sean R., who started his email with “While “Picard in Die Hard on the Enterprise” (aka Ep 6X18, Starship Mine (best title of the whole series)), might not entice you as it does me, how about the fact that he is wearing a horse-riding outfit the whole time?”

Sean. SEAN. While I appreciate the fact that you respect our position as a fashion blog, anything that can reasonably be described as “[someone awesome] in Die Hard in [a place]” is fine - nay, GREAT - by me.

  • Chris Evans in Die Hard in the White House. (That’s who I was hoping would be in either of the two “Die Hard in the White House” movies from earlier this year.)
  • Ruth Bader Ginsburg in Die Hard in Shake Shack.
  • RuPaul in Die Hard in the American Museum of Natural History.

In fact, one of the few versions of this equation I would not be down with is “Bruce Willis in Die Hard in 2013,” because hoo boy, that one was rough. Let’s all just pretend it’s Christmas and re-watch the original.

Another reader, Rochelle, also requested this one “because, well, Picard carries a saddle around in it and that’s hot.” 

Truth.

The episode starts with Picard being accosted by EVERYONE on the ship, starting with Data:

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Are you uncomfortable yet? How about now? Now? What about now?

Data is attempting to learn about small talk, which confuses and irritates Picard: 

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I say…are you malfunctioning, old chap?

He walks through the whole ship, being pestered at every turn by crew members (wearing only uniforms and thus not pictured). It’s like the opening sequence of a rom-com about an uptight businesswoman who learns to love, except the uptight businesswoman is a dashing older gentleman.

Eventually we learn that two things are happening:

  • The whole crew is leaving so the ship can undergo a baryon sweep (which will kill organic matter)
  • There is a reception going on for a commander that no one likes because he loves to talk about nothing

So everyone leaves the ship. But before they do, Picard sees these guys getting ON the ship:

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Those jumpsuits are suspiciously un-standard…and suspiciously ugly

Is that Tuvok in the middle? …sort of. We’ll get back to him later. For now, I will just say: those boots are atrocious.

Down at the reception, Bev’s hair is looking right:

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I KNOW IT’S A WIG AND I DON’T EVEN CARE

It’s just so luxuriant.

Meanwhile, Data is watching the annoying commander for tips on small talk, leading to a series of great faces:

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Give the man a goddamn Emmy

Everyone is trying to figure out a way to get out of this boring-ass reception, and Picard actually manages it, by saying he wants to go get his saddle and ride the horses, which is totally what I ALWAYS use as an excuse, except when I say it, it means something else. You use your imagination on that one.

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Look, over there - it’s, uh…something else

Mostly I included this because I want to know what that shit is on the table and what art department person was responsible for it. “Hey, can we get a giant polka-dot wine goblet and an abstract Axe Body Wash bottle to go behind it? Great.”

But now we are finally to the part of the episode we’ve all been waiting for. Picard’s Riding Outfit. You can never truly be prepared for this, but try. Try.

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DAAAAAAMN

There is just so much to love about this outfit. First of all, yes, Rochelle, carrying a saddle is hot. Why? Who knows. Let’s not question it. Shhh. Shh.

Next, this color and texture combo. We’ve got a merlot velvet blazer over a dusty green possibly silk shirt, and what appear to be velour treggings (that’s trouser-leggings for those not in the know), but will later prove to be corduroy treggings:

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A wale-formed butt

It also turns out that the top is not just dusty green, but some sort of herringbone pattern for EXTRA SASS:

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Petulant Teen Picard will play his music as loud as he likes

Seriously, though, check out this beautiful draping: 

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Deep V 

As Picard strolls along, he runs into this guy:

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Tuvok! Your ears!!!

j/k, that’s not Tuvok. It’s just the actor that plays Tuvok, in a role as Terrorist in a Terrible Jumpsuit. You guys. This jumpsuit is terrible. Why so many seams in places that do no favors to the human form? Why the muted color palette? This makes me think of what the people in The Giver might wear because it evokes sexlessness and lack of passion. I know there are colors on this jumpsuit, but they are so boring and dusty that they read like grey.

Picard is like “waaaaaaait aaaaaa miiiiiiiinute” and fights the guy, because he’s not supposed to be there:

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Howwww diiiiid youuuuu GET. HERE. Nobody’s s’pos’ta BE. HERE.

Picard’s riding boots are classic and hot, and not-Tuvok’s jumpsuit is just as terrible from the back. 

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Vulcan neck pinch? Is that…irony? 

Picard takes not-Tuvok out for the moment and begins his descent (ascent?) into Die Hard: Enterprise Edition.

Meanwhile, Data is boring this guy with his newly-acquired small talk skills:

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The stripes on my top mirror the bars on the prison of this conversation

It turns out, however, that this whole reception is some sort of secret attack on the base they’re at and the people “hosting” it are also bad guys? Honestly, though, look at this guy. He’s clearly a villain:

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Benedict Cumberbatch looks terrible

They took 1 part Vincent D’Onofrio, 1 part Oliver Platt, added some ridges and a touch of bitchy resting face, and ended up with this fellow in a leftover Tron outfit. The hair, however, is inexplicable.

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An updo can make any outfit feel fancy, even a mock turtleneck

What is even happening here? A cross between a mohawk and your grandmother’s church hair, which means we may see it on Miley Cyrus before long.

This guy and his friend start shooting and take everyone at the reception hostage:

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Also possibly a Miley Cyrus hairdo

The stripes on this top are so weirdly wide. He looks like a greyscale clown.

Meanwhile, Picard is fully playing out his Die Hard fantasies on the Enterprise. It really is pretty much just like Die Hard, except there are no hostages and Alan Rickman is tragically absent. 

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The role of Alan Rickman will be played by a 1940s lounge singer

That hair, right? For a terrorist, she sure has a great updo. Check out the back!

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A sensible Modified Back Princess Leia is all the rage with terrorists this season

So what’s happening is that some terrorists - all wearing the same bad jumpsuit we saw earlier on not-Tuvok - have used the baryon scan to sneak onto the ship for nefarious purposes. In addition to Lady Alan Rickman, who’s the leader, we’ve got Molly Ringwald Ridge Face Terrorist:

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Pretty in Purple (and Blue and Boring, Boring Grey)

Another member of the team, Hobbit Jared Harris:

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Actually Jared Harris would be a great addition to Middle Earth 

And their compatriot, Adrien Brody Plays a Coral Reef:

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We would also have accepted “Jonathan Pryce: Ocarina Edition”

What do they want? I don’t know, some explosive stuff from the engine. That part is not important. This is important:

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CROSSFIRE! YOU’LL GET CAUGHT UP IN THE

Yes, that’s a crossbow. On the Enterprise. SEEMS LEGIT. Also, that green top is even more ladylike than I previously imagined. Look at that banded bottom! 

Just like John McClane, Picard must improvise, since command functions and power are all off. This leads to:

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That can’t be safe

Most of the episode is a game of cat-and-mouse, both up on the Enterprise and down on the base, and eventually the crew of the Enterprise wins, obviously. You should watch this one, it’s great. There is a moment where Picard is trying to avoid the baryon sweep and ends up in this hidey-hole in Ten-Forward that is just a very enjoyable shot:

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Peek

And of course at the end, Picard is concerned about his saddle, which he hasn’t seen since he used it to fight not-Tuvok. Worf finds it in a maintenance locker and returns it to a beaming Picard:

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Just horsin’ around

This looks like a promo shot for a sitcom about a goofy bald guy who loves horse riding, his redheaded sister/caretaker, and their neighbors, a sensual brunette woman and her stern husband. What japes will they get into next?

14 Aug 16:36

Bret McKenzie and James Bobin Planning ‘Labyrinth’-like Musical

by Germain Lussier

Bret McKenzie Muppets

The fact Bret McKenzie, one half of Flight of the Conchords, won an Oscars for The Muppets still makes me smile. McKenzie won the award for Best Original Song for “Man or Muppet” back in 2012 and followed that up by beginning work on next year’s sequel, Muppets Most Wanted. It also gave him some well-deserved caché and McKenzie is using that to develop a passion project.

In a new interview, the Oscar-winning song writer revealed he, along with Muppets director James Bobin, are working on a live-action musical described as a blend of The Muppets and The Princess Bride. Much like Labyrinth.

McKenzie was speaking to Collider when he said the following:

I’m in the middle of a script for a kind of—it hasn’t got a name yet but it’s a fairy tale comedy musical, sort of akin to Labyrinth or something like that.  I’m developing and that script’s halfway through. James Bobin’s helping me.  I’m the official writer but we’re developing it. I want to make a comedy musical with singing dragons and monsters and stuff.  [It’s] live-action, so it would be a mixture of The Muppets and The Princess Bride….it’s definitely my favorite thing I’m working on at the moment.  It’s early, though, it’s early.  It’s still developing.

As a huge fan of both Flight of the Conchords as well as The Muppets, I’m all about anything McKenzie does. And if he has a huge musical he’s working on with dragons and monsters? I’ll be first in line. What do you think?

22 Jul 01:25

An Intro to Board Gaming! Oh, yes.

by quintinsmithster@gmail.com (Quinns)

Quinns: Also in celebration of our 2nd anniversary, we've done something a bit different. And hopefully, a bit useful.

It's a short video about board gaming that's not for you, but any friends, family or colleagues who don't yet know about your hobby. A glimmering, electric antidote, if you will, for anyone who hears "Board games" and thinks "Monopoly". There aren't any swears at all, and only a smidge of dressing up, so please:

Share away. Let's tell the world about this glorious hobby of ours.

Happy anniversary, everybody. We love you.

-- Team SU&SD

Read More

29 Jun 14:52

Review: Terra Mystica

by susd@pretend-money.com (SU&SD)

Oh my goodness! Terra Mystica is a fantasy building that boasts two achievements: It's the heaviest box we've ever reviewed, and the one to sell out fastest.

Scientists are at a loss to explain this heinous corruption of the laws of physics. Tell you who's not at a loss, though! The hot boys of Shut Up & Sit Down. After just few plays of this beast, we're ready to tell you whether we think it lives up to the hype.

(It does.)

(CREDIT CARDS AT THE READY, PEOPLE.)

Read More

26 Jun 11:49

Cool Stuff: ‘Back to Back to the Future’ Reinstates Eric Stoltz as Marty McFly

by Angie Han

Back to Back to the Future

It’s a fairly well known bit of trivia among Back to the Future fans: When production was just getting under way, director Robert Zemeckis spent four weeks filming with Eric Stoltz in the lead before he decided the part had been miscast. He dropped Stoltz and brought on Michael J. Fox. That, of course, turned out to be exactly the right decision. These days, it’s bizarre to imagine anyone but Fox playing Marty McFly.

At the time, though, it wasn’t an easy choice. For one thing, actress Melora Hardin became collateral damage in that changeover — she was considered too tall to play Fox’s love interest, so she was let go before she shot a single scene. Producer Bob Gale that conversation with Hardin “the hardest thing I ever had to do,” and said he was “sick about it for days.”

In real life, of course, Gale can’t change the way things turned out. But in fiction, he’s received a chance to do just that. David Guy Levy‘s comic Back to Back to the Future imagines Gale and Hardin accidentally sent back in time, where they decide to keep Stoltz from ever getting replaced. The first issue is available for free on the web now. Hit the jump to learn more about it.

In a conversation with EW, Levy revealed that he was inspired by Gale’s comments regarding Hardin.

All I could think after reading this statement was that here was the man who wrote the most popular films ever made about time travel, and he had this major regret. So I decided I wanted to tell the story where he gets to go back in time himself, through a parody of the films he helped create, and right this wrong.

Appropriately enough for a comic book about time travel, any profits from Back to Back to the Future will be used to invest in the future. As Levy explains below, the first three issues of the six-issue series will be given away online for free. The other three will cost $2 each to download, with all proceeds going to the Young Storytellers Foundation.

Click here to download a .ZIP file containing the first issue, with art by Jeffrey Spokes. Keep an eye on the series’ Facebook page and official website for further updates.

15 Jun 15:49

Watch Paul Rudd, Sean Combs, and Robyn in The Lonely Island's New Video

by Bradford Evans


Here's The Lonely Island's latest music video, for the song "Go Kindergarten," which is on their new release The Wack Album, out today. The video features Paul Rudd, Sean Combs, Robyn, and, of course, The Lonely Island guys, and it's the best video they've put out for this album yet.

---

See more posts by Bradford Evans

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14 Jun 03:20

Artist Turned Old Comic Books Into Collages That Spell Out ‘Signature Sound Effects’

by Justin Page

SMASH The Incredible Hulk Marvel Comics

Orlando, Florida-based comic aficionado Amy Watkins of PowerUpCollage gave her old collection of comic books new life by turning them into beautiful collages that spell out “signature sound effects.” Select designs are available to purchase online at the Etsy shop, PowerUpCollage.

I love my comics too much to keep them in dusty long boxes in the closet. After I’ve read the stories and pored over the pictures, I want to enjoy my comics again, as a medium for new art. I sell original, handmade pieces–no prints here–constructed out of the amazing art of old comic books.

Custom Comics Collage

BAMF Nightcrawler Comics Collage

BLAM Batman DC Comics Black and White Super Hero Collage

WHOOSH Original Superman and Wonder Woman DC Comics

THWIP Original Spider-Man Comics Collage

MATH Adventure Time Cartoon Comics Collage

FLOOP Original Adventure Time Comics Collage

images via PowerUpCollage

via Rahzzah, DesignTAXI