Cowboy Who?

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I'm actually not sure any of those feelings work without time, so maybe the voice is just lying?

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Dang, it's been a while! Finally got together enough footage for a full, real episode of LGR Thrifts. I've been visiting stores here and there this whole time, but nowhere near as often as I used to. And even then, it's been pretty slim pickins whenever I did go out. Whatever though, here we are with a bunch of thrifty thrift store stuff I've run across over the past however many months. Enjoy!

● LGR links:
https://www.patreon.com/LazyGameReviews
https://www.twitter.com/LazyGameReviews
https://www.facebook.com/LazyGameReviews

● Tracks used in order of appearance:
"Branches", "Mining By Moonlight", and "Spy Groove"
https://danosongs.com/home
https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/full_list.php

#LGR #Thrifting #Goodwill

‣ Thank you, Bonnie Bees, for making this video possible: https://www.patreon.com/cgpgrey

‣ Discuss this video: https://www.reddit.com/r/cgpgrey

## Related Videos

Powers of Ten: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fKBhvDjuy0

The Secret City of London: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrObZ_HZZUc

Which Planet is Closest? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SumDHcnCRuU

Re: Which Planet is Closest? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIS0IFmbZaI

## Special Thanks

## Crowdfunders
Steven Snow, Ben Delo, John Buchan, Nevin Spoljaric, Donal Botkin, BN-12, Bobby, Chris Chapin, David F Watson, Richard Jenkins, Steven Grimm, سليمان العقل, Phil Gardner, Martin, Ben Schwab, Colin Millions, Saki Comandao, Jason Lewandowski, Marco Arment, emptymachine, Andrew Bereza, Rebecca Wortham, George Lin, rictic, Henry Ng, Awoo, Fuesu, Nick Fish, Nick Gibson, Tyler Bryant, Oliver Steele, David Tyler, iulus, Jordan Earls, Kermit Norlund, Bryan McLemore, Alex Simonides, Felix Weis, Christopher Mutchler, Ryan Tripicchio, Derek Bonner, Mikko, Orbit_Junkie, Paul Alom, Tómas Árni Jónasson, Julien Dubois, Derek Jackson, Ron Bowes, Nicholas Welna, Bear, David Palomares, Freddi Hørlyck, John Rogers, Peter Lomax, ShiroiYami, Tristan Watts-Willis, chrysilis, Drago175, Emil, Esteban Santana Santana, Rhys Parry, Veronica Peshterianu, John Lee, Maxime Zielony, Elizabeth Keathley, Birdstryke

## Music

Microscopic by Gas, free download from http://www.microscopics.co.uk

David Rees: http://www.davidreesmusic.com

Spreading peanut butter and jam on this slice was a disaster.

1. Being picked last for every game of kickball in elementary school.

2. The time I took a kickball to the face in elementary school.

3. Every elementary school Presidential Fitness Challenges where I was clearly substandard in hanging from a bar.

4. The year another girl cheated on the Presidential Fitness Challenge so that she wouldn’t be dead last, making me dead last.

5. DNA, pure and simple.

6. The time in 5th grade that kid nicknamed me “Porky.”

7. Later in 5th grade when my friend told me I looked like Hoppopotamous from The Wuzzles in my purple bathing suit.

8. Trying to find clothes that fit in 5th grade because I was a Porky Hoppopotamous.

9. That day the summer after 5th grade when a distant cousin told me I looked like Chunk from The Goonies (accurate).

10. The time in 6th grade when that kid who nicknamed me “Porky” re-nicknamed me “Fro-head” because I had dropped some weight and wasn’t so porky, but had big hair.

11. When the guys in chorus nicknamed me “Black & Decker Pecker Wrecker” in 8th grade because I had dropped weight, and grown my hair out, but had gotten braces.

12. The group of boys who nicknamed me “Princess” at a church camp.

13. The group of girls who dumped ice water on me while I was asleep at church camp.

14. At the age of 14, being told by a much older guy he wanted to “fuck my brains out” at church camp.

15. Being told at age 15, by an adult male co-worker that I was “getting fat.”

16. Spending all of the money I was making at my job on Jenny Craig because my male co-worker told me I was getting fat.

17. Dexatrim/Diet Dr. Pepper breakfasts and skipping lunch in high school because I had lost a bunch of weight on Jenny Craig and liked it.

18. Reading the note in my 12th grade yearbook from the kid who had called me “Porky” and “Fro-Head” apologizing for being a jerk.

19. Constantly worrying in college if I was getting fat.

20. Getting fat in college.

21. Getting the nickname “Big Al” from a guy who worked where I did my college internship.

22. Being asked to work behind the scenes my senior year of Sorority Rush.

23. Wearing sweatpants (my boyfriend’s) to class most of my final term of college.

24. My boyfriend referring to a store where I shopped regularly as Lane Giant.

25. Every friend/co-worker/relative who has ever sent me a diet, recommended a diet, asked me about my diet.

26. Every doctor who has ever recommended a diet to help me lose weight.

27. Every doctor who has ever recommended pills to help me lose weight.

28. Every doctor who has ever recommended surgery to help me lose weight.

29. The specific doctor who told me all I need to do to lose weight is burn more calories than I consume. When I was 45.

30. Every dime I have given Weight Watchers.

31. All the people who tell me I’m funny and just like Melissa McCarthy. Even though she is way cuter, and my humor is closer to that of John Mulaney.

32. The fact that I’ll see a cute blouse advertised by Old Navy or Loft, but they don’t make it in my size. But I can get a top with a peplum, instead.

33. That time the man sitting across the aisle from me let the flight attendant know I’d need a belt extender when actually I had buckled my blouse into the seatbelt and was trying to get it loose.

35. Running into a supervisor of an old job, and him noting that I’d put on some weight.

36. The fact that I had to own up to being obese to get the shot now, rather than waiting until May like all my contemporaries.

It was all worth it.

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Secrets in the closet



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The Event Horizon Telescope project, which produced the world's first image of a black hole in 2019 in the M87 galaxy, unveiled a new view of its magnetic fields as captured by polarized light.

(Image credit: EHT Collaboration)

The What We Do in the Shadows spin-off series Wellington Paranormal has already had three seasons and a Christmas special in New Zealand, but not one episode has yet aired in the United States. That’s about to change. The CW and HBO Max have jointly acquired the show, which follows a pair of cops (who first appeared in the original What We Do in the Shadows movie) as they look into a series of local supernatural events. Under the new deal, episodes will first premiere on The CW and then be available to stream on HBO Max the following day.

Back in 2018, I wrote up a story about Wellington Paranormal, a new TV series that served as a spin-off of the great horror-comedy film What We Do in the Shadows. But the show had been in the works longer than that – we first reported on it in 2016. Since then, Wellington Paranormal has aired multiple seasons in New Zealand while us chumps here in the United States sit around, waiting. Thankfully we’ll have our chance to see it soon, because of a new deal with The CW and HBO Max.

As THR reports, “The CW will get the first airings of the show, which is set to be part of its summer schedule (a premiere date is still to be determined). HBO Max will stream episodes a day after their broadcast debut, as will the broadcaster’s ad-supported streaming platforms.” The series was created by What We Do in the Shadows filmmakers/stars Jemaine Clement and Taika Waititi, and tells the story of Sergeant Ruawai Maaka of the Wellington Police who “enlists the aid of Officers Minogue and O’Leary to tackle paranormal events in New Zealand’s capital city. In a police reality show style, the series follows these kiwi cops as they investigate cases such as the demon possession of a teenager, a noise complaint at a haunted house and a blood bank robbery.”

Here’s a trailer.

Wellington Paranormal

The cast includes Mike Minogue and Karen O’Leary, who reprise their roles from the What We Do in the Shadows film, and also Maaka Pohatu. This isn’t the first series to spin-off from the What We Do in the Shadows movie – there’s also the excellent FX show What We Do in the Shadows, which is technically a continuation of the film since several characters from the movie pop up in cameo appearances from time to time.

Jemaine Clement and Taika Waititi have also been talking about another potential spin-off – the film We’re Wolves, which would follow the werewolf characters seen in the film. There’s been no word on when or even if we’ll actually see that, but here’s hoping Clement and Waititi get around to it someday.

The post ‘What We Do in the Shadows’ Spin-Off ‘Wellington Paranormal’ Headed to The CW and HBO Max appeared first on /Film.

If nothing else, you can say this for Godzilla: he’s been in a lot of films. Not only is Godzilla the longest-running film series, but the sheer number of titles a rewatch requires necessitates full weeks to accomplish. In other words, even his series is huge.

As such, ranking them all to celebrate the upcoming release of Godzilla vs. Kong is no small task. Nevertheless, here it is, a professional ranking of the Godzilla series that is sure to satisfy everyone who reads it.

33. Godzilla (1998)

Let’s go ahead and get this one out of the way. America’s first attempt at capturing Godzilla’s magic is an utter failure from top to bottom. Godzilla looks awful. His atomic breath is added in post as a literal afterthought. We spend a ridiculous chunk of the movie stuck dealing with little baby Godzillas in an attempt to rip off Jurassic Park. Even if you haven’t seen this one, you know how bad it is. Some movies benefit from reassessments in the decades after their release. Not this one. We had it right in 1998, and we continue to have it right today.

32. The Netflix Anime Trilogy

If you thought Godzilla’s Reiwa era consisted only of Shin Godzilla, think again. It also includes this trilogy of anime films. The movies enjoyed an actual theatrical release in Japan, while they went straight to Netflix everywhere else. You can view them as three separate films, but it’s more apt to consider them one four-and-a-half hour-long enterprise, since that’s essentially how the narrative works. The premise is actually cool: humans abandon Earth to Godzilla and a bunch of other monsters. Now they’ve returned to take it back. And to be fair, anime Godzilla looks great. The problem is everything else. Each film offers a whole lot of talking between unlikable characters followed, finally, by a little Godzilla action. When other notable monsters appear, it’s in forms that are sure to disappoint long-time fans. 

31. Son of Godzilla

After a rocky start, I assure you the rest of these films are at least a little good. And speaking of little, Godzilla gets a baby boy in this one! His name is Minilla, and he comes from a strange, anonymous egg, so get your mind out of the gutter.

At this point in the series, it’s pretty clear Toho wanted to play up Godzilla’s appeal to children, so they made a film where a baby Godzilla must learn the ways of being a giant monster. I’ll be blunt: Minilla is not cute. Furthermore, the film’s minuscule stakes also keep it from being a classic. The action stays on one remote island and revolves around giant praying mantises (Kamacuras) and a big spider (Kumonga). The humans are pretty good though, and I like how they casually invent a weather-controlling system that actually works.

30. Ebirah, Horror of the Deep

I’ll tell you what I like about ol’ Ebirah. Of all the things a giant crab could do, he chooses to stick close to one island and kill anyone who tries to enter or leave. Why? He’s just a very specific jerk!

I also greatly enjoy the human story in this one, which starts weird and grows more and more bizarre as the film progresses. And there’s Mothra! And a giant condor named Ookondoru. The problem is none of these elements end up coming together as well as you hope. Godzilla in particular feels shoehorned into the proceedings, though it is pretty fun watching him declaw Ebirah.

29. Godzilla vs. Megalon

Here’s the deal: a lot of people like this entry. Only one thing can account for that – Jet Jaguar. I can’t lie. Jet Jaguar is incredibly cool and is the sole reason why this ranks above Son of and Ebirah.

But take Jet Jaguar out of the equation and the film is not easy to watch. It’s human story is interminable. Even at only 81 minutes long, this film just seems to drag. I also don’t think Jet Jaguar and Godzilla actually make a cool team. And Megalon, while certainly a step up above the villains on this list so far, is kind of a weak kaiju, like a first pass at the much more interesting Gigan, who also shows up in this one.

28. Return of Godzilla

The first entry in the Heisei series is a visual stunner, but then every Heisei movie looks amazing. Still, it counts for something that Toho returned to the game with such an amazing improvement on the Godzilla suit. The main problem here is it’s just no fun to watch an essential remake of the first Godzilla. There are only so many buildings he can knock over. While Godzilla is the film’s only giant monster, he does battle with an attack ship called the Super X. The Heisei films love to pit Godzilla against ships like this, and Super X is the lamest of these by a long shot.

27. Godzilla 2000

Toho’s third reboot of the Godzilla franchise starts off strong with some neat new visual tricks and Godzilla design that mark the arrival of a new era. He even gets a cool new theme song (and also the classic theme, don’t worry). I don’t love the Millennium Godzilla’s new face design, but that’s just a subjective opinion. What I do love is the care this era takes in representing the scale of Godzilla, and there’s a lot of that on display here.

But you can get that from all the Millennium films, all of which have better monsters. The villain here isn’t even seen until the end fight. For much of the movie it’s a giant rock, and later a shiny CG UFO. Only in the final moments does it beam down Orga, a kind of generic giant monster. The film is worth the price of entry with its conclusion, though. Orga tries to swallow Godzilla whole, allowing Godzilla to blow a hole through the back of its head. And if that wasn’t wild enough, he then torches Tokyo just for the heck of it. The end.

26. Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla

This movie should be so incredible yet somehow manages to just be okay. For one thing, SpaceGodzilla – while massively reaching to do so – does bring together plot elements seeded through the Heisei series. So that’s kind of satisfying. And SpaceGodzilla is a super cool monster. He’s like Godzilla but with more teeth and giant crystals coming out of his shoulders. He has some unique attacks that make his fights somewhat interesting. Plus he is mean to Baby Godzilla (yes, there is another Baby Godzilla).

Some simple things hold it back, however. The score is a real excitement-killer, but worse than that: M.O.G.U.E.R.A. This giant robot, meant to be kind of an evolution of the far superior Mechagodzilla, is a visual disaster, one the film keeps insisting is as exciting as Godzilla or his extraterrestrial counterpart. There is a lot to like with SpaceGodzilla, which is exactly what makes it such a frustrating watch.

25. Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II

The predecessor to SpaceGodzilla, Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla II (no, it is not a sequel to the Showa Mechagodzilla films, and no, the II in its title does not make sense) has a lot of elements going for it. Little Baby Godzilla is so cute and tiny. Mechagodzilla itself is great. There’s a fight between Godzilla and the giant robot near the beginning that is truly a blast to behold. Plus… Rodan!

All and all, it’s a pretty good time. But then its middle gets bogged down with too many characters discussing too much science, an unfortunate hallmark of the Heisei series. There are long stretches of the film where it’s hard not to check out.

24. King Kong vs. Godzilla

The battle between these titans is a lot of fun and also represents only the last few minutes of the film. So get ready for a lot of business on the way there. Luckily, there is plenty to enjoy here, even if Toho’s version of Kong falls quite a bit short of the majesty of his 1933 version. Also, it turns out Kong gets superpowers by electricity. Who knew?

23. All Monsters Attack

Generally people hate this movie. I love it. So I’m splitting the difference and placing it high in the lower half. Maybe that’s cowardly of me, but I also do understand the complaints.

Basically, a bullied and sad kid dreams of Godzilla and Minilla fighting monsters via the magic of stock footage, and in doing so, learns lessons that help him deal with his problems in real life. I think if you’re going to have three dozen Godzilla films, there’s room for one to be within the imagination of a troubled kid. It’s cute! And by focusing so strongly on a child, it kind of makes this the Godzilla version of a Gamera movie, which all feature kids getting into adventures.

Continue Reading All Godzilla Movies Ranked >>

The post War of the Gargantuas: The Entire Godzilla Series Ranked from Worst to Best appeared first on /Film.

How should I structure my article’s title?
The only acceptable structure for an article title is “Kind of Clever and Dated Pop Culture Reference: Jargon-Filled Description of the Paper.” Example:

“Dude, Where’s My Car?: Hegemonic Masculine Normative Belongingness during Liminal Prediscursive Performative Rituals of NASCAR Fandom.”

How do I cite snarky reviewer comments saying that I will never publish an article when I finally get it published in another journal?
Put those comments in a footnote on the first page. If you can guess the identity of the reviewer, do so. Include that unflattering photo from their faculty webpage.

Why did you stop requiring the publisher’s city in book citations? I cannot complete my research if I don’t know where Harper and Row is located!
They’re located in New York City. We’re surprised you didn’t know. They bring it up in EVERY conversation.

How do I cite the article my asshole advisor wrote by stealing my master’s thesis?
Give the author a demeaning nickname in quotation marks. In parenthesis, put (Stolen From) and then include your name and thesis title. Give yourself a positive nickname — you deserve it. Example:

Kirkland, Chester “Dickhead.” “Bringin’ Sexy Bach: Erotic Undertones in the Overtures of Johann Sebastian Bach.” (Stolen from Katherine “Einstein” McManus, Baby Got Bach: Sexual Organs in Baroque Music, MA Thesis). Early Music, vol. 47, no. 5, 2019, pp. 737-762.

For an in-text citation, just use the demeaning nickname. Example:

(Dickhead 741).

How do I cite that article I’ve been talking about for years but never got around to actually writing?
Give the paper a very distant publication date and list the publication as a made-up journal. Example:

Doe, John. “Who Let the Dogs Out?: Phenomenological Symbolization of Cerberus in Intergenerational Online Discourse Communities.” Journal of Humanistic Thoughts and Ideas, vol. 177, no. 17, 2048, pp. 1098-1167.

Do I have to use one-inch margins on my paper?
The Ninth Edition of the MLA Handbook offers principles over prescriptive practices. But if you use anything other than one-inch margins, we will break your legs with a life-size bust of William Butler Yeats.

Should I use the Oxford comma?
Of course, you maniac! Who do you think we are, those freewheeling hippies at the Associated Press?

Do I need to do something special to cite the footnotes in Infinite Jest?
Yeah, we’re gonna level with you here. We only made it like 100 pages into Infinite Jest. But our Match.com profile says it’s our favorite book, so be cool, okay?

How do I cite Snapchat?
We don’t know what Snapchat is. But we finally told you how to cite Facebook posts. You kids still use the Facebook, right?

How do I cite that episode of Breaking Bad where Gus dies in that retirement home explosion?
Hey, spoilers! We just started Season 3!

Can I use the cherries emoji to represent butts, balls, and breasts?
The cherries emoji should only represent testicles and breasts. To signify a human bottom, you must use the peach emoji.

When is your next convention?
Our upcoming MLA convention starts at the same time as that New Year’s Eve party you want to attend and ends at the same time as the first class you’re scheduled to teach next semester. Your presentation is scheduled at 8:00 in the morning on the last day of the convention and we forgot to put it in the program. See you there!!

Fashion Source Book: A Visual Reference to Twentieth Century Fashion
De La Haye
1988

Submitter: Although the early chapters are informative on the history of fashion, the lack of anything past 1988 makes this book an easy weed for a public library. Like shoulder pads – off to the dumpster with this book.

Holly: As a “source book” it’s definitely past its prime. If you need the space for current fashion books, let ‘er go. If you’re not strapped for space, it might work as a fashion history book. I think actual fashion history books are still better, but #budgets, amiright?

The post Fashionistas appeared first on Awful Library Books.

1. I am sequestered in a room against my will with needy family members.

2. My world is ruled by cruel and powerful people who determine my fate.

3. I regularly daydream about becoming a prima ballerina.

4. My body changes, and I stare at my new curves in the mirror.

5. I tiptoe through our cramped space, fearful of waking the little ones. Their sleep is the only privacy I have.

6. My mother refuses to stay shut inside and instead dangerously socializes with her friends.

7. All day I dream of escaping to the outside, away from my goddamned family.

8. Life is short; I’m eating the doughnuts even though I know they’re bad for me.

9. I now wear soft, shapeless clothing because I no longer see the need for the tight, restrictive finery of my old life.

10. Desperate for human interaction, I have made friends with a mouse.

11. After subsisting on unsatisfying crumbs in our small prison, a knock at the door gives hope that we would live another day. Our food is delivered.

12. I have sex with my brother.

Flowers In the Attic: All
My quarantine: ALL BUT NUMBER TWELVE. I SHOULDN’T EVEN HAVE TO SAY THIS.

Are you going to Scarborough Faire?
Yeah, I was planning on it. You want me to pick something up for you?

Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.
Okay, sure. No problem. Anything else?

Remember me to one who was there…
You mean like say hi to somebody for you? Okay. Uh… who?

She once was a true love of mine.
So Brenda then. Okay, I will tell her you said hey, but if you want my opinion, you really need to let that one go.

Tell her to knit me a cambric shirt.
So that feels like a big ask even if you were still together, uh definitely not something I would do for my ex…

Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.
Yup, got the herbs — thanks for the reminder. Less sold on this whole “ask Brenda to knit you a shirt” thing, though.

Without any seam or needlework…
Wait, is this like a commission? Are you offering to pay her for this, or…

Then she’ll be a true love of mine.
Okay, so I think you are, like, vastly misjudging who has the power in this relationship. She dumped you, remember?

Tell her to find me an acre of land.
Oh, that’s right, she just got her real estate license. You should probably reach out to her about that yourself, though. Honestly, I was just offering to get groceries, so…

Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.
Yup, got those, don’t need to keep telling me. Do you need anything else, grocery-wise?

Between the salt water and the sea strands…
Okay, no, I am not going to run any more messages between you and your ex-girlfriend/ seamstress/ real estate agent. If you want to talk to Brenda, you’re going to have to go over there and do it yourself.

Then she’ll be a true love of mine.
You really don’t know much about romance, do you?

Tell her to reap it with a sickle of leather.
Whoa there, TMI, man, TMI.

Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.
You know what? No. You can get your own damn herbs.

And gather it all with a bundle of heather.
Who the fuck is Heather?

Then she’ll be a true love of mine.
Who will? Brenda or Heather? Actually, I don’t care. I’m not enabling this behavior.

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
You know what, no. I’m just gonna go to Stop & Shop.

Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.
I honestly doubt they’ll have all that

Remember me to one who was there.
You have a girl at the Stop & Shop too? Seriously?

She once was a true love of mine.
Maybe I should talk to Brenda because I’m starting to feel like I need to get my own place.

Are you as tired as I am, Menace-11?

Try 5 pairs of glasses at home for free at http://warbyparker.com/cinemassacre. And thanks to Warby Parker for sponsoring this video. (The "home try-on kit" is only offered in the USA.)

I'm back playing MORE of my daughter's seemingly impossible Mario Maker 2 stages. So, I'm going to jump in and try some of her recent works of art yet again.

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Texas Republicans’ longtime demand that cities shrink their budgets ran into a thin blue line last year. Austin called their bluff. The city passed a plan to cut or reallocate about $150 million from its police budget in August following nationwide protests for criminal justice reform—which included calls that cities “defund the police.” In response, state leaders have proposed punishing localities that try to trim their law enforcement finances. Some have even discussed a state takeover of Austin police. No need to sort out the inconsistencies. A liberal city did something, so now Texas Republicans want to do the opposite. 

But what if there was a way to compromise—a solution that didn’t quite make everyone happy but offered a good-faith effort? Activists could shrink the footprint of law enforcement while leaving city departments untouched. Republicans could protect the detectives and beat cops who do real police work while trimming the size of government—and maybe even cut property taxes, too.

Texas would just have to eliminate constables.  

Each Texas county has anywhere from one to eight elected constables, who are charged with serving civil writs and acting as bailiffs for justices of the peace, including by enforcing evictions. But mission creep over the past several decades has constables acting more and more like regular police. Freeways across the state are patrolled by constable deputies who pull over speeders, arrest people for contraband, and generally support law enforcement agencies. My own local constable in Harris County likes to post pictures on Instagram when deputies snag baggies of marijuana—keeping the local Whataburger safe from late-night taquito orders.

Harris County also has a unique contract deputy program that allows local neighborhoods to hire taxpayer-subsidized constables for extra security. More than 2 million people live in unincorporated Harris County with no city police department to call their own, so they often call constables instead.

But there’s nothing about the job that couldn’t be done by sheriff’s deputies. The office of constable may have made sense back when Texas was a sprawling frontier. When the office was first enshrined in the state constitution, constables were charged with putting down “riots, routs, affrays, fighting, and unlawful assemblies.” The Handbook of Texas points out that constables were the most active law enforcement officials in many counties during early statehood.

Times change. Now their work overlaps with any number of better-equipped, better-trained law enforcement agencies. Many constable departments don’t even have formalized civil service. Instead, constables basically run their own little personal fiefdoms. The only real oversight happens on Election Day, so the proliferation of scandal should be no surprise. In 2010, two Dallas County constables were indicted and later convicted on charges relating to campaign fraud. In 2016, a Harris County constable landed in hot water after his office was caught unlawfully destroying 21,000 pieces of evidence. In 2020, a Bexar County constable was indicted on felony charges of aggravated perjury and tampering with evidence.

Meanwhile, a 2018 report by the Rice University Kinder Institute for Urban Research came to the unsurprising conclusion that consolidating constable and sheriff services could save “considerable administrative expenses.” Duplicated administrative expenses alone cost Harris County taxpayers roughly $47 million a year. That money could be spent hiring more sheriff patrols, expanding county social services, or simply cutting property taxes. 

In fact, back when inefficient government agencies slurping up property taxes was a Republican bugbear instead of golden calf, conservatives used to routinely aim their ire at constables. Former state Senator Bob Duncan, a Republican, once questioned why Texas law still required the offices to exist. 

Three small rural counties—Mills, Reagan, and Roberts—eliminated their constables in 1995 through a constitutional amendment. The San Antonio Express-News editorial board has called on the Legislature to bring up the question statewide. At least a dozen other states have eliminated the position of constable.

In a time of tight budgets, high property taxes, and scrutiny about law enforcement, a constitutional amendment to eliminate constables statewide could be the rare issue that unites the left and right. Criminal justice advocates could claim victory in eliminating unnecessary law enforcement agencies. Fiscal conservatives could celebrate eliminating an unnecessary layer of government. And “Back the Blue” types would have the opportunity to redirect funding to officers patrolling streets and detectives closing cases.

Plus, it gives state officials an excuse to lord their power over local governments. And in the end, isn’t that what really matters?  

Read more from the Observer:

• Editorial: Look Down Ballot for Democratic Wins in Texas: The GOP-controlled state Legislature reconvenes next week. But Democrats flipped seemingly obscure seats, from justice of the peace to county sheriff, that have outsized impacts on Texas families.
  

• The ‘Culture of Violence’ Inside Austin’s Police Academy: Recent audits of the city’s cadet training spotlight a warrior-cop culture that pervades policing, even in a so-called progressive city.

• Reform vs. Rebuild: Defunding Law Enforcement in Texas: Years of activism and a legacy of police violence are fueling demands to reimagine public safety.

The post Editorial: Defund the Constables appeared first on The Texas Observer.

LUBBOCK // A Lubbock family awoke early one morning to the sound of an alarm, triggered when a window in their spare bedroom broke. When they went to investigate, they found the intruder was a 15-pound raccoon, KLBK reports. The family used brooms to barricade the room and called animal services, which managed to wrangle the critter after a short struggle. The raccoon has since been released into the wild.

ALPINE // The “world’s smallest Target” has been destroyed. The installation, once a switching station for a railroad running through this empty stretch of West Texas desert, was painted to appear as if it was part of the global retail chain. An official with the city of Alpine said it was destroyed because the property owner had concerns about its structural integrity, according to KXAN. Despite its lack of toilet paper and other household essentials, the store received four out of five stars on Tripadvisor.

FORT WORTH //  The mystery of a 10-foot-tall hollow metal structure near a walking trail in Fort Worth has been solved, the Star-Telegram reports. For weeks, residents had puzzled over the so-called monolith, which resembled other structures that had popped up in Utah, California, and Romania. Some speculated that aliens placed it there. In fact, it was a prank masterminded by a popular radio DJ and some high school students.

FERRIS // While conducting a traffic stop on Interstate 45, a police officer heard a loud bang on the other side of the highway. After he finished the stop, the officer found a refrigerator in the road—and it was full of weed, according to KXAS. Police have taken the refrigerator, and the approximately 15 pounds of marijuana inside, into custody; so far, no one has come forward to claim it.

SAN ANTONIO // At SeaWorld San Antonio, two male Gentoo penguins were observed rearing a Chinstrap penguin chick together as a pair. The penguins were first seen acting as expectant parents—even building a nest together—four years ago, KXAN reports. In 2020, zoo operators deemed them to be good enough parents to raise a Chinstrap penguin as their own.

VICTORIA // Catnappers struck in Victoria, where a fixture of the city’s public garden was stolen overnight, the Victoria Advocate reported. The feline, who is known as Fat Cat by staff and visitors to the garden, was seen on surveillance footage being carried away “while snuggling in the arms of one of his suspected captors.” Volunteers took to social media to locate Fat Cat; a few days later, he was spotted and returned home to the garden. 

DICKINSON // The race to become mayor of Dickinson was a close one: Candidates Sean Skipworth and Jennifer Lawrence both won exactly 1,010 votes. So, as allowed by Texas law, the outgoing mayor grabbed a top hat for a tiebreaker. The Associated Press reports that Skipworth became the town’s mayor in January after a pingpong ball scrawled with his name was pulled from the hat. Lawrence says she will respect the election’s outcome.

The post Strangest State: A Mysterious Monolith and a Fat Cat appeared first on The Texas Observer.

This post, my boss offered me money to film a sex tape with two coworkers , was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes:

So…I’ll just come out and say that I know this it totally inappropriate, to say the least, and I need to find a new job ASAP. What I’m looking for is advice on how to cope with this in the meantime, and how to salvage my career moving forward.

I’ve worked for a small trucking company owned by a very, very wealthy man for the past two years. This company is more of a hobby than a money-making venture for him. He throws his money around like you wouldn’t believe and makes no secret of how wealthy he is. There are frequent Patron-fueled lunches where he brings in bottle after bottle after bottle of Patron and encourages all of us to drink heavily, and he makes fun of people who don’t join in. He’s done a lot of weird, inappropriate stuff during those lunches (and at other times … it’s a really, really weird environment and my wife is routinely horrified by the stories I bring home), but this was by far the worst.

Last week, during one of those Patron lunches, he brought in costumes for all of us to dress up in “to make it more fun.” I don’t know—like I said, really weird environment. He gave me a trucker costume and two of my coworkers police officer costumes, and started talking about how funny it would be to film a video of the police officers “arresting” me, and me, uh, doing … favors … to get out of being arrested. He offered us $30,000 to do it. We (we’re all men) said no, so he called one of the accountants to bring the business checkbook and offered us $45,000. He actually told her to get ready to drive to the bank and cash the check—he was not joking.

We all continued to say no and he finally let it go, but he mocked us for the rest of the week. Obviously I’m leaving, but what the heck do I do in the meantime? There’s no HR to go to. Also, what does this mean for my career moving forward? I’ve done good work here, and have been promoted into a leadership position that I’d love to keep on my resume, but I don’t think he’d give me a good reference, and he’s so volatile that I wouldn’t want a new employer talking to him anyway. I have no idea what he would say. There’s no one else above me who I could put down as my manager … I’m a department head. Have I torpedoed my career by working for a crazy person?

Your manager held a tequila-fueled lunch, made everyone dress up in costumes, and then offered you multiple five-figure sums to film a sex tape with your coworkers.

Is your manager … Jordan Belfort?

(Also, I know this is not the weirdest part of the letter, not by far, but I don’t know what to do with the fact that he made you dress up in a trucker costume while working at a trucking company.)

Anyway. Nah, you haven’t torpedoed your career.

That said, the longer I write this column I more I think that no one should ever work for a small business, especially one where they report to the owner, unless said owner has passed a rigorous battery of assessments of their acumen in both management and life.

But that’s neither practical nor helpful.

What would be practical: A lawyer. Talk to one. Not because you’re going to sue (necessarily), but because a lawyer can help you navigate this to get the best outcome. That outcome could include (a) severance, which could let you leave faster than you could otherwise (this guy has lots of money he’s willing to throw around and will probably be willing to use some to solve a legal problem, not just reserve it for vats of Patron and a custom-made fetish video) and (b) an agreement on exactly what will be said in a reference. A lawyer can use the sex tape incident — which happened in front of multiple witnesses — as leverage for both of those things.

This is a great thing about lawyers that people don’t always realize: they’re not just for suing! When the law is potentially in play, they can guide you step by step to maximize your chances of getting what you want. They can even do it all behind the scenes if you want.

A lawyer is who you want here.

This post, a man claiming to have an Oscar (he doesn’t) wants to give me advice on my field (that he’s not in) , was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes:

I’m an indie filmmaker in the process of hiring an intern to work on my feature-length documentary. I posted the job in some niche industry/women/BIPOC groups I’m in, along with one generic group of job-seekers in my metro area. The latter post prompted someone to message me directly offering to answer any questions about documentary filmmaking because he won the Oscar for best doc 10+ years ago.

I responded by telling him that was great, and asked what he was working on now, and where I could see his work. He responded that he hasn’t worked in the film industry in years and that he’s currently building a [entirely different industry sector] company.

Then he sends me the link to the award-winning doc (he says “my doc” specifically). Credits list him as a production assistant, so I asked his role. He was a production assistant on a small team, he says, working on every aspect of the film, one of the cooler experiences of his life. His LinkedIn bio says “After winning an Academy Award…” he pivoted straight to [current industry]. I ask him what else he’s worked on that I can watch. He says only some surf videos, but focused more on audio production (so not in the film industry beyond this). I gave him a thumbs up.

To conserve my energy and in anticipation of a response that would gaslight me by saying he was just trying to help me, I have not responded to him further. But there is a part of me that wonders if it’s worth pushing back on either of the two most egregious aspects of this interaction: (1) his assertion of “his doc” and the Academy Award that “he won” and (2) that he, a white man, bothered to approach a BIPOC woman employer offering to answer questions about an industry that I’ve been in longer than him, with experience that far surpasses his own.

I see this as a clear-cut racist and sexist microaggression. I’m not asking if I have a right to be offended, but I’m asking if it’s worth pushing back on either of these things and how I could phrase a response. I don’t want to burn bridges in my industry, or in the original job seeking group we’re both a part of. But this happened outside of the group (in private DMs) and he’s not in my industry and hasn’t been for a very long time.

If you are wondering why I bothered responding at all, it’s because he shares a name with a veteran filmmaker who has made films for a distributor I’d like to pitch to eventually, and because the group we both share is very collegial and I wanted to continue that tone outside of the group. Any advice for how to respond?

WTF.

This man, who once worked as a low-level assistant on a movie more than a decade ago, is sending women unsolicited emails telling them that he “won an Oscar”?! And referring to “his” Academy Award?

And he is offering advice about something he has no expertise in to a woman of color who has far more experience in said field than he does?

(Also, you sent me his LinkedIn profile and his experience in anything is … spotty at best.)

I am surprised only because the Oscar detail makes it particularly egregious (and hilarious), but unfortunately this is standard M.O. for a certain breed of un-self-aware dude. “The confidence of a mediocre white man” has become a catchphrase for a reason.

I would love to tell you to take him to task for it — to send back a response explaining that it’s laughably misguided for someone with almost no experience in an industry to offer unsolicited advice to someone who does have experience in that industry, and that a white man doing that to a woman of color is a particularly obnoxious/offensive/tiresome trope.

But sadly, I don’t know that there’s any point. This is the kind of guy who will just turn it around on you for spurning his offer to help and decide that you have a chip on your shoulder.

Even if you sent a gentler version of that response, I don’t think he’d get it. He’s emailing strangers and claiming he personally won an Academy Award. He is not a good investment of time.

Of course, the litmus test for “should I do this?” doesn’t always have to be “will it make any difference?” Sometimes there is value in sending that kind of response simply because it’s warranted. And because it feels good. And because these guys deserve to have this crap called out, instead of getting to remain comfortably in the snug embrace of their delusion because the rest of us figure it’s not worth it.

And I really, really don’t like that you get stuck having to calculate whether there could be blowback against you in your professional community, when clearly he didn’t take one second to contemplate that question for himself.

So … I don’t know. If you’d be responding to teach him a lesson, I’d probably let it go; the lesson will not be learned. If you’d be responding because you think it deserves a response on principle and you’d feel better if you say something, that’s a vote for responding.

(There is also the option of screenshoting it, blocking out his name, and sending it out on social media as an object lesson to others, if you’re in the mood for that sort of thing.)

Addendum: Jennifer/Captain Awkward and I have been talking about letters a lot recently — as seen yesterday as well — and her takes are so spot-on that I cannot help but share them. Her excellent suggestion on this one: “If you’re willing to run the risk that he’s oblivious enough to actually answer you, my strong temptation would be the agonizingly polite sick burn. ‘Oh, how interesting, thank you for clarifying. I must apologize, I initially had you mixed up with [guy with same name], any relation? Since I’m really focused on hiring the right intern right now, maybe can you tell me, was your assistant role on that project an internship or a referral from filmmakers you knew? I’ve never hired an assistant before, what was the hiring process like?’ Just the word ‘assistant’ as many times as possible.”

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