There’s only one thing men’s rights activists hate more than women, minorities, and using preferred pronouns, and that’s ingesting anything besides red meat. The Onion asked right-wing men why they refuse to eat vegetables, and this is what they said.
AUSTIN, TX—Providing consumers with the opportunity to die a hero, Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced Tuesday that he was recruiting volunteers for a dangerous one-way mission in a self-driving Cybertruck. “We are looking for brave souls willing to embark upon a harrowing mission from which they will never return,” said…
CHICAGO—Despite the expectation of honesty implicit in the journey of healing from addiction, anonymous sources reported Tuesday that lying to a sponsor is actually very easy. “They ask you questions to check on your progress, but you can totally just lie, no problem,” said a man leaving a meeting in the basement of…
After 14 weeks, this horrible property has attracted no interest, SO THAT’S WHY WE’RE USING ALL CAPS AND FAR TOO MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!! Yes, we’re willing to write in italics and underline at random to get you to notice this abysmal HOME!!! We’ll even spout uninformative buzzwords like MEGA-DEAL, ***WOW***,…
A paper published in Nature Communications reported that more than 2,000 species, 350 of which are of conservation concern, have been hunted by free-ranging domestic cats, with the lead researcher stating, “We don’t really know of any other mammal that eats this many different species.” What do you think?
TORONTO — Cynthia Johnson was shocked and appalled by the fact that the staff of her favourite local coffee shop were being forced to work on Christmas morning, despite the fact that her being there in the first place was directly contributing to the issue. “I just think it’s baffling that you poor kids have […]
The post “I can’t believe you have to work on a holiday!” exclaims woman actively patronising business appeared first on The Beaverton.
ST. LOUIS—Her face fixed in a permanent grimace throughout the evening, local mother Deanna Murray’s main contribution to the political discussion taking place in her kitchen Monday was reportedly an occasional disgusted scoffing noise. According to sources, the 64-year-old woman balled her fists at the mention of the…
This comic was written by Omnithea. It is about having appropriate pastimes.
This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.
It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.
There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.
Remember the letter-writer who was accused of bullying by two temps (#2 at the link)? Here’s the update.
I have a doozy of an update!
I pushed back on the temp agency and set expectations regarding the skills we needed, and the next three temps lasted the remainder of our need for temps. We tried really hard to find them other positions within our company but the timing was terrible. I’ve stayed in touch with all three and provided a glowing recommendation back to the temp agency. I’ve also been a reference a few times as they’ve applied for positions outside of the temp agency. I was able to refer one to an administrative job at the local college, one was able to use the training to work for another company in our area that is a similar business, and one ended up moving back home to take care of family but has my contact info if they come back to the area.
The multiple-paragraph text message attacking me is now part of my company lore! It gets told to office new hires and has made its way around the company and the general response has been that people were stunned that she acted that way and felt that way about me. I’ve had people from the chief level and down seek me out to tell me they enjoy working with me, I’m an asset to the company, or something similar.
I really really appreciate the commenters who realized I was seeing everything through a pregnancy lens and gave me grace.
That all sounds bland, right? Here’s the doozy part — the stress at work plus a stressful issue at home (now resolved) combined with getting the flu sent me into labor at 27 weeks (roughly six months). I spent two days in the hospital trying to prevent labor and then had an urgent C-section. My company did all the things we hope a company would do! I had one coworker who volunteered as the designated contact and people at all levels of the company were checking in with her during the two days. I of course went on immediate FMLA leave during the last year of the month which is terrible timing for my responsibilities. I’d been working with my team to cover my leave but had fully expected to be there during year-end and Audit so not covered as much in those areas.
My team stepped up and did FABULOUS! My boss recognized their work and gave them raises. By the end of December my baby had stabilized in the NICU and I came back temporarily to work as otherwise I would have used all my leave before he was expected to be released closer to his due date in March.
I came back to work dealing with a baby in the NICU, a toddler at home who didn’t understand why both parents were never home at the same time anymore, PTSD from the whole situation, and some serious PPD/A. The first two weeks were extremely rough and I would burst into tears for no reason. I didn’t work a full day that entire month and no one blinked an eye. In fact, my team helped me not get pulled into things towards the end of the day so I could always leave early to get to the NICU. My same designated contact coworker tried to intercept people to give them updates for me too. About two weeks in, I had another check-up with my doctor and agreed to medication help (I had turned it down previously as I was so worried about passing anything to the baby as super tiny babies can’t have formula).
We made it through the audit and honestly, it was probably the best one ever. I went back on leave in mid-March with just one thing pending and a team I knew could handle it. Additionally, my company stepped up and paid me what short-term disability would have paid had I not returned to work temporarily. The next day (two days before the baby came home from the hospital), I fell and broke my foot so I was juggling my own healing with a newborn and we learned to get around on wheels. I’m including a link to the video my company did in March when we were asked to be this year’s March of Dimes “My Company” Family and pictures of when baby was born, when baby came home, and baby now so Alison can confirm for you all that baby is adorable, growing, and all good!
(Alison here: I can indeed confirm that the baby is adorable, growing, and all good!)
BERWYN, IL—Tempering their excitement at the Christmas Eve pitter-patter on the roof, local children Jayden and Mila Andrews confirmed Sunday they were now old enough to know those sounds were nothing more than their father contemplating suicide. “It may sound like the real Santa, but remember, it’s only Dad up there…
POUGHKEEPSIE, NY—Staying up late to make sure he could pleasure himself without anyone noticing, local man Dylan Utley was reportedly waiting until his wife and kids were asleep Sunday to go and masturbate under the Christmas tree. “Hopefully I can be really quiet so as to not wake anyone up while I lie under the…
LOS ANGELES – The queen of Christmas Mariah Carey has admitted after nearly 30 years of her chart-topping single “All I Want for Christmas Is You,” she finally needs more than just you. “It’s still not a lot,” explained the mega-star. “I just need two things now, you and the Dyson Airwrap Multi-styler. It’s the […]
The post Mariah Carey admits she also wants a Dyson Airwrap hairdryer for Christmas appeared first on The Beaverton.
WHOVILLE, AB ― Reports from Whoville, a remote town outside Banff, indicate that its most famous resident has returned to his old domicile on a cold mountaintop on the outskirts of town. After several attempts to get an interview were rebuffed on account of general bad-temperedness, the Grinch reluctantly agreed to comment. “Recall when I […]
The post Grinch reverts to old ways as price of roast beast skyrockets under inflation appeared first on The Beaverton.
OTTAWA – With Christmas only days away, thousands of young Canadians prepare to journey home and visit a quality of living that they will never possibly hope to afford. Across the entire nation travellers in both the Millennial and Gen Z cohorts are preparing for annual holiday visits with a level of affluence, purchasing power, […]
The post Thousands of young Canadians travel home to visit standard of living they’ll never afford appeared first on The Beaverton.
CALGARY – Reports indicate that Aunt Ruth has decided to get into the festive spirit this Christmas by regifting you the COVID infection you gave her last year. “Normally, I’m not a fan of regifting. I prefer to get people thoughtful, personal presents,” says Aunt Ruth, whose previous gifts to you include a candle with […]
The post Aunt Ruth regifts you COVID infection you gave her last year appeared first on The Beaverton.
OTTAWA – A new study by Health Canada and several associated medical boards has found that pre-Christmas dreams of sugarplums dancing in someone’s head may be a warning sign they’ve consumed tainted eggnog, and should immediately seek emergency care. “Just like consuming alcohol before bed can lead to strange dreams, consuming older eggnog can alter […]
The post Study: visions of Sugarplums may be sign of acute eggnog poisoning appeared first on The Beaverton.
This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.
It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.
There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.
Remember the letter-writer whose new coworker was the guy who naked-manned her on a Zoom date? Here’s the update.
The theme of this company for me has been “What is wrong with the men?”
In terms of the Naked Manning Coworker, I took your advice and played ignorant. I ended up having lunch with him during my second week, in order to not make waves. At the time, my manager was really pushing the local team to meet up occasionally, so there was pressure to go to lunch or tell my manager why I didn’t want to. I opted to keep it to myself and go to the planned lunch. Aside from Naked Man standing far too close while we waited in line to order lunch, I was able to maintain a cool but professional attitude throughout the hour-long lunch. Thankfully, he didn’t say a word about knowing me in any capacity, though I got the sense he very much knew by some curious phrasing and comments he made.
Now, you might be wondering, what is it with this theme? At the time, I didn’t have a good read on my manager or the team dynamics. Then, after a couple months, my manager made a series of comments that still leave me a bit stunned.
Some of the comments:
- On a project call, I was quiet and not really contributing. Out of nowhere, my manager said to me, “You can’t think like you, Ms. Pride and Prejudice on your shelf. You need to consider our teapot making customers and what they would want.” (as a note, I’ve been a teapot marketer for 10+ years).
- I managed to get tickets to a VERY popular artist at the last minute and was super excited about the experience. It was truly once in a lifetime for me. He joined a call late as I was sharing the experience with my peer and promptly interjected with, “So it was just you and a stadium of teenage girls” and “we pay you too much if you can afford to go see VERY popular artist.”
Ultimately, I ended up confronting the comments head on with him, stating they made me worry about whether I was respected or could trust him due to the nature of the comments. Naturally, he stated they were jokes and that he thought I knew they were jokes. During the resolution of this situation, he was quite flustered and really wanted to make it clear that I could trust him. In response, I let him know the reason I was evaluating whether he could be trusted by sharing the Naked Man story with him. After being rather stunned, he thanked me for sharing and said he would take that into consideration when assigning projects and travel for the team.
True to his word, I didn’t have overlapping work or travel with the Naked Manning coworker and got to keep my distance aside from some team calls here and there. My manager has also been far more respectful since I confronted him. The Naked Manning coworker was recently impacted by layoffs, so I no longer have that particular situation hanging over my head. I feel a bit guilty about being relieved, but it definitely was a weight lifted knowing I had one less poorly behaved man to deal with daily at work.
Hovertext:
Fortunately the people in the comic are only alive for the duration of this conversation.
jv:
If you didn’t hear, Substack is now officially a Nazi site. Officially as in “the CEO has said they wouldn’t ban Nazis, and that they are welcome to monetize their content on Substack”. I think this is the first time a major web platform has openly say they are ok with making money out of open Nazis and white nationalists.
Substack CEO reasoning is “we don’t like nazis, but we defend their right to be nazis”. But, of course, at the same time, substack bans sex workers from using their platform.
So yeah, if you have a Substack account, maybe it’s time to move somewhere else. As they say, if there’s a Nazi at the table and 10 other people sitting there talking to him, you got a table with 11 Nazis.
This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.
I’m on vacation. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives.
1. Manager says if I get a raise, fewer of my coworkers will get raises
I have a salary that’s presumably on the higher end of non-management in the department I’m in. I also have about a decade or more development experience than those I work with, so my spot in the range seems justified.
What’s your opinion when a manager says “You’re near the top of the range. If we give you a raise then that means fewer of your coworkers can get raises too,” as a reason for me not getting a year-end raise?
Part of me thinks it’s fair and makes sense, but part of me thinks that my employers defined my salary to fit my experience, and I shouldn’t be penalized for what I’m being paid because it’s in line with what I bring to the table.
That response from your employer is manipulative, whether intentionally or unintentionally so. They’re distracting you from the question of what’s a fair salary for your work and raising the specter of taking money from your coworkers. It’s entirely reasonable for you to ask to be paid a salary that’s commensurate with your value and the market price for your skills; it’s not reasonable for them to make their ability to pay your coworkers your problems.
I’d ignore their statement entirely and bring the focus back to what your work is worth. If they bring up the coworker thing again, say this: “I can’t speak to that, but I think my work is worth $X because ____.”
– 2015
2. My coworker is lying about attending meetings
I am a director in a big company (meaning there are lots of managers with that title). My fellow coworker, who is also a director in my unit, is supposed to attend a weekly meeting on marketing and report back to our staff. I have noticed that this director really couldn’t answer many of my questions about the marketing meetings when I would follow up with her reports. I met with the head of Marketing to get some specific questions answered regarding a project I was working on. The head of Marketing told me that no one from our unit has attended the weekly meetings in six months.
The head of marketing said they weren’t in a position to reach out unless it started hurting others peoples work. I encouraged them to reach out to her supervisors — but nothing yet. I even thought it may have something to do with my coworker’s team being cut and her being too busy. I offered to attend a few weeks if she couldn’t make it. She told me to my face she goes every week and doesn’t need me to jump in.
I don’t want to make a big stink and it isn’t hurting our day to day work — yet. But should I confront my coworker or bring this to our supervisor?
Since your coworker has already lied to your face about this, explaining to her that you know she’s lying and hasn’t actually gone to the meetings risks introducing tension into your relationship that you might rather not deal with. If that’s the case, I think you’re perfectly in the clear to go straight to your manager. You’d want to keep the focus on work impact — as in, “Jane told me that no one from our unit has attended the weekly marketing meetings in six months. I’d thought it was Tangerina’s responsibility so I checked with her — but she told me she’s been going. I have to say that I don’t think she has been — based both on what Jane said and on the fact that I haven’t been able to get any of my questions about the marketing meetings answered. We do need someone going to those, so what’s the best way to proceed?”
But if you’d rather start with your coworker, you could say it this way: “I think there’s been a miscommunication somewhere. Jane says no one from our unit has attended the marketing meetings in six months. I’m not sure what to do to get answers when I have questions come up about stuff that’s been covered in those meetings.” (But I think it’s highly likely that your coworker will get defensive — she’s being called out on a flagrant lie — so you’ll probably have better luck talking to your boss instead.)
— 2017
3. Explaining I was fired for ethical disobedience
I’m a college student, hopefully graduating in May. I’m in the middle of job applications, and there’s one issue I’m not sure how to handle. I was fired from a previous job for ethical disobedience. It made actual international news and is easy to find on Google (here’s an article about it), particularly since I have an uncommon name. I’m not embarrassed about what I did, but I’m concerned about what employers will think. On the one hand, that episode demonstrates my dedication to ethical behavior, on the other, it shows that I’m willing to disobey my boss if I think what they’re asking me to do is morally wrong and go to the press about it. How can I best explain this to possible employers and where? I feel like a cover letter is the best spot, but I’m not sure how to frame it as a positive.
[For anyone who can’t read the article: The letter-writer was an ecological director at a scout camp, found an injured bald eagle in bad condition, texted her boss for permission to call wildlife services or transport the bird herself, and was told no and that she could be fired for doing it. She called the local Wildlife Center anyway and, following their advice, carefully transported the bird there for care. When she returned to work, her boss berated her and fired her for insubordination.]
First, kudos to you for what you did. I don’t think this article is anything to worry about at all — you come across sympathetically and while some people might side with your old employer, plenty more will side with you, or at least not be terribly concerned by it. A lot of people in your shoes would choose to help a suffering animal (and that’s a good thing), and it’s not the kind of disregard for instructions that’s likely to translate into most office jobs, where you won’t typically be running into injured animals.
You don’t need to address this in your cover letter at all! It might come up in an interview, at which point you can answer questions about it, but it’s very unlikely that an employer would see this and choose not to interview you because of it. As for explaining it if you’re asked about it, you can say something very simple like, “I felt strongly that it was the right thing to do, and that Scout law backed that up.”
– 2018
4. My sister might apply for a job in my two-person department
I’ve got a dilemma and I feel like I can’t be objective. My mid-sized company is hiring another person with my job title due to company growth. My sister is considering applying. She has the same (really rare) degree I have, from the same school, but had always been more interested in another focus within our degree. At first when the topic came up, she wasn’t interested but now she is after weighing things out. To be clear, neither of us would be managing each other and we would be working on separate projects. My problem is that we would be the only two people in my department. My sister just graduated and needs more job experience, and a little more confidence her work (she is very talented), which she may find here. We wouldn’t be the only ones who have relatives here at work. One salesperson had a sister here for the summer, and we have a mother and son pairing who are in different departments.
We worked together last summer at my company on the same project, but with different but similar roles. The project was a mess due to poor planning, a short deadline, and the inexperience of the salesperson who was handling it. My sister feels miffed that a chunk of her work wasn’t used, but in all honesty, this salesperson wasn’t willing to try to clearly communicate with us and the client and that affected the outcome. I did explain to my sister that was the case, and I often do work that isn’t used and it’s just part of this industry. To be fair, my sister and I worked well together. My manager has also asked about how her schooling has gone and when she graduates, so I do not think he’s opposed to the idea as he has hinted that he would consider hiring her after graduation.
I do have some influence in the hiring decision, and it was always going to be someone from my alma mater in the first place. Now I feel very conflicted because A) if she doesn’t get the job I will feel guilty and B) if she does, I don’t want the perceptions of her work output (good or bad) to be tied to mine. I don’t feel like I can tell her not to apply either. I don’t know what to do. Please help!
I don’t think you should work in a two-person department that will just be you and your sister. That’s not like having a relative in another department. It’s much more fraught with the potential for all sorts of complications. For example: what would happen if your sister’s work wasn’t great and if you felt pressured (either by her or yourself) to cover for her? Or if you got tainted by association, or if there were problems that you could resolve with a coworker that will be harder when it’s your sister, or if there’s competition for projects or other rewards/recognition, or if your sister has a problem with someone else (would you feel obligated to take on her beef as your beef, or would she by annoyed if you didn’t), or if you feel like you’re not able to escape each other, and so much more?
It’s just an awful lot of complications and potential for problems. Since this isn’t the only possible job out there for her, it’s hard to see a compelling argument in favor of doing it.
– 2016
