CULVER CITY, CA — Producers of the popular game show Jeopardy! announced that this year they’ll air their inaugural “Tournament of Dolts.” “Our Tournament of Champions is always a ratings bonanza,” said producer Michael Davies. “After all, who doesn’t like to marvel at the best and brightest egging each other on to supreme feats of […]
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Hovertext:
I was in a train station a few years ago and all the women were dressed like it was the eighties. Went back to my farm and emerged a year later to see all the men had developed mustaches as a kind of reflexive mating response.
Hovertext:
Also demanding that the Reptilians take more power because in the modern world you need an executive branch that can act rapidly.
This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.
It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…
1. My husband’s boss didn’t alert me when he had a medical episode
My husband works for a small, family-owned business. The owners of the business are three siblings. The oldest brother used to be in charge, but he retired a year or so ago. The next oldest sister, Tina, is now trying to run the show. Tina is a mess. She doesn’t even show up for work until around 4:30 pm when they close at 5:30 pm. She claims she is working at home, but with nothing to show for it. They are struggling financially, but that is not the real question here.
My husband has some serious health issues. It is under control and he seems high-functioning, but it’s still there and he is dealing with it. He recently has been having a bad run of luck with continuity of care and refilling needed medications. He will have “episodes” and need to sleep them off. One of his episodes hid a stroke, so they are nothing to laugh at. He hasn’t had one in a few years since he started on medication.
Today he was sent out to do a pick-up and delivery in the company’s poorly-maintained, aging semi-sized delivery truck, a round trip of around five hours. He had an episode while driving today, and he pulled over and slept for a few hours. When he woke up, he called me and told me what was going on and said he was going to call Tina and then sleep some more. I gave him an hour or so to feel better and was thinking that Tina would call and let me know what was going on and what the plan was should he need assistance. Nope! I finally called him and he was back on the road and feeling a little bit better. Tina finally called a few minutes later, but she only called because he wasn’t answering her calls, not to tell me there was an issue. Oh, and she wanted to ask him a work question.
I told her I was about to call her and tell her to send someone to go get him and take him for medical evaluation. She had the nerve to be defensive with me. She was more worried about her empty truck than whether or not my husband was having a medical emergency.
Am I overreacting? How should this have been handled? What is an employer’s responsibility when this happens? I would have left my job and driven two hours or further to try and find him. I am really just stunned at the lack of … anything. It’s not even his job to do the deliveries.
Without knowing what your husband told Tina, I don’t think this necessarily warrants outrage. Did she know he was potentially having a medical emergency and could be in need of help, or could she have had the impression it was something more minor that your husband had under control? If the latter, it makes sense that she didn’t call you.
I’m guessing you have a lot more background on your husband’s health situation than Tina does and so you’re able to see that the situation required XYZ, but an employer wouldn’t necessarily have the info to make that call themselves. Going forward, can your husband work out a more official plan for these episodes with his employer, including them calling you if that’s a step he wants them to take? Otherwise, if he hasn’t given them clear guidance on how it should be handled, and especially if he just said he needed to rest before continuing the drive, it’s understandable that they wouldn’t know to alert you.
2. When can I ask about morning start time in an interview process?
You’ve written a few times about when you can bring up salary during an interview process. But what about office hours?
It seems like a lot of places have moved to starting at 8am instead of 9am. That is a deal-breaker for me. An otherwise perfect job that requires me to get up an hour earlier is an automatic no, the same way an otherwise perfect job that’s a $20,000 pay cut would be an automatic no. So, it seems to me it should be discussed around the same time, very early on in the interview process.
However, there is a weird, persistent stigma around night owls being viewed as lazy, despite the fact that we’re doing the same amount of work as the early birds, just later in the day. And while there has been growing acceptance of discussing salary earlier on and including it in job postings, there doesn’t seem to be the same discussion about scheduling.
Yeah, it’s BS and I imagine at some point it will change, but it hasn’t changed yet. Asking to work a schedule of, say, 11am – 7pm often does trigger an “indolent layabout” bias that asking about working 7am – 3pm doesn’t. It’s irrational — it’s the same amount of work, and there’s nothing inherently more virtuous about early hours versus late hours, but that bias persists in our culture.
I do think you can ask about hours fairly early on — as in, “What hours do people generally work?” That’s not asking about starting time, but about hours overall. If you don’t get clear info on starting time, you can follow up with, “Do most people start at 9 or 8 or…?”
Where it gets trickier is that if you hear 8 am, you won’t necessarily know if you could negotiate a later start time at the end of the hiring process if they conclude you’re they one they want to hire. You could ask about it on the spot (“I’ll be up-front, starting earlier than 9 isn’t a good fit for me — are you open to later schedules or would that be a deal-breaker?”) but sometimes it’s easier to get agreement at the offer stage than while you’re early in the interview process. Still, though, if you’re going to bow out at that point anyway, you might as well give it a shot and see what happens.
Related:
should I stop using my office’s flex hours since my coworkers have earlier schedules?
3. Should I correct my boss about someone else’s pronouns?
I have an absolutely wonderful boss who is super compassionate, smart, takes care of her employees, and has a spine with the higher-ups. She’s been in this job for a few years) and we’re around the same age.
We’ve been working with someone in a related department, also our age and at about my level, who uses they/them pronouns but goes by a traditionally feminine name, let’s say “Emma.” Our company’s internal directory displays people’s preferred pronouns, but not everyone fills this section out, and not everyone knows to look. I’ve noticed my boss talking about Emma using she/her when we are discussing our common work. So far this hasn’t happened while we’ve been talking to Emma one-on-one, but I worry that my boss might inadvertently misgender Emma to their face without meaning to do so.
However, she’s still my boss, so I don’t want to issue a corrective if it’s not my place to do so. Should I say something to her? Should I enlist another colleague who is at her level to say something? Should I make it less about my boss and more about “hey, everyone should know about this pronouns thing in the directory?”
It’s reasonable to assume a decent person would appreciate a heads-up, and your boss sounds like a decent person. The next time she uses the wrong pronouns for Emma, just say matter-of-factly, “Emma uses they/them pronouns” and continue right along with the conversation. Ideally it shouldn’t be a big deal — you relay the needed info, your boss hears it, and you move on, just like if you were letting her know Emma’s title recently changed or that they have an unusual pronunciation to their name.
4. Should I try to grow in my current job or leave for more money and more PTO?
I’ve been in my position for nearly three years. After a particularly rough season, I decided I would not stick around for more than another year. I started working on my résumé and putting out feelers. I knew that one possible pivot would increase my pay and get me some benefits that would matter a ton to me right now, specifically increased PTO. But then things changed at work. There were some personnel changes, and I ended up in a role where I was needed and thriving. Things were so busy as well that I totally dropped my own career planning. I started to think as well that I perhaps wouldn’t need to move on, things could work here.
Recently things have started to feel the way they did during the very bad season, and I am full of regret that I am facing down another one here. When I felt like things had changed, I was glad to try to make it work. Now I fear I’ve trapped myself.
I believe that my rough season was caused by multiple factors. Some are on me. I should have demanded better training and guidance. I shouldn’t have been afraid to ask for what I needed. When the training was not adequate, I should have been open and forthright in order to get the training I needed to be the employee they needed.
I’m struggling with whether I’m jumping ship because I’m lacking confidence and afraid, or whether it is the right choice. The prospect of more money and better benefits sounds wonderful. I also think that this pivot will be a better fit for me. I fear I’ve never been a good fit for this position. I believe I could grow better at it, but I wonder if I’m capable of growing fast enough to make it a less difficult place to be. I worry that I’m letting my sensitive nature make me quit something that I could grow at. On the other hand, maybe my sensitive nature will help me get more money at another position where I am a more natural fit!
Do you think there’s a way to know clearly whether my motivations are adequate for leaving or whether I should stick it out and find a way to be strong enough to grow? It has been hard to grow in this position, because I just feel stupid. Things that come easily to other people do not come easily to me. I am learning and I am growing. But the fact that I’ve disappointed people has never been hidden from me.
I suppose my worry is that I only think the pivot would be a better fit for me, and that actually I’ll just be at least a bit of a disappointment everywhere I go. So I may as well try to make it work here.
Wanting more money and better benefits is enough! You don’t need to try to contort yourself into something that doesn’t feel comfortable for the sake of “toughing it out” or showing that you’re strong enough to do it. You’re not happy in your job, you see a path that would get you more money and better benefits … that’s enough. Maybe you could stick it out and grow in your current position. But there’s no special merit in doing that, and you’re not failing by choosing not to. You’re allowed to leave whenever you feel like leaving, and it sounds like you feel like leaving.
As for your worry that the next job won’t be a better fit … maybe it won’t be! There’s never any guarantee. But you’ve been at your current job for three years, and that’s a reasonable time to move on if you’re not satisfied. Try something new, do your due diligence before accepting it, and give yourself the gift of not feeling tethered to a place that you already regret not leaving earlier.
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Beginning in Jan. 2025, Costco plans to stop selling books regularly at stores around the United States, the company deciding instead to sell them only during the holiday shopping period, from September through December. What do you think?
99.5 percent of megaprojects are either over time, over budget or have lower benefits than expected. What's going wrong? Today, we look at case studies from California's high speed rail project to the Sydney Opera House to consider the do's and don'ts of ambitious projects.
Bent Flyvbjerg and Dan Gardner's book on megaprojects is How Big Things Get Done: The Surprising Factors that Determine the Fate of Every Project, from Home Renovations to Space Exploration and Everything In Between.
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Hovertext:
This is why He stopped answering prayers.
This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.
We talk a lot here about ways to avoid burning bridges when you leave a job. But sometimes burning the bridge is warranted — the provocation is sufficiently bad, and you’re willing to take the consequences.
One example: the person who got an email at 3 pm on a Friday saying they were being replaced by their boss’s unqualified friend and their salary cut by tens of thousands of dollars. So when they found a new job a few months later, they sent a 3 pm Friday email just before a big deliverable was due, quitting and giving two hours notice, the exact same notice they’d been given for their demotion.
Have you ever intentionally burned a bridge because you decided it was worth it? Let’s hear about it in the comments.
This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.
It’s a special “where are you now?” season at Ask a Manager and I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are five updates from past letter-writers.
1. An employee 2 levels down refused to meet with me
Last year, I sent in a question about what to do about an employee who declined a skip-level meeting with me, the division director. Your response and the readers’ comments shook me out of the “is this a me problem or a him problem?” question. I was kind of embarrassed, frankly, that I was debating whether I was right or wrong after reading your response and the “no duh” comments from a lot of readers.
In the short term, I let the employee know that meeting with me wasn’t optional and used some of your language re: the purpose of these meetings is to make our workplace better and, especially as a manager, it’s vital that he participate in this process. He met with me, it was fine.
Longer term, I have since left that job and now realize how exhausted I was swimming against the current of company culture trying to create a more trusting, collaborative environment within my division. I worked there for more than a decade, the last two years as the head of the division. A few months ago, I accepted a similar role at a company I worked at for a few years right out of college. There is a lot of opportunity for improvement with my new team and sometimes I get exasperated by how empowered everyone feels to share their opinions about every little thing, but it’s because they don’t fear reprisal and genuinely care about their work and the company. I’m happier and healthier. (And wealthier! The company is smaller, but a better known one in our industry as a specialist in a niche area and I got a nice pay bump.)
2. I think my employee is being abused by her partner
At this point, Carrie is still with Bob.
I have implemented many of the suggestions: e.g., having staff point out when his behavior is uncomfortable or abnormal. We also point out situations where she is right to be concerned or frustrated (him requiring dozens of reminders, etc). I do feel more equipped to help the staff, and her as an individual. I have also improved the coverage of our security camera to cover more of the surrounding streets. Next month, staff will be completing a mandatory training on recognizing signs of domestic violence and resources in our area. We are (at this time) unable to bar him from the building in its entirety, for reasons I would prefer to keep private, lest I ruin all attempts at anonymity. I have been able to implement policies to prevent any non-staff from being in staff areas, especially during/after closing.
I can feel a shift, but know that this will take time. I really appreciate your advice, and that of the experts you consulted on my behalf. I hope one day soon I will have a happier update.
3. Colleague doesn’t want me to lift things but it’s my job (#2 at the link; first update)
I’m still in the same lone-archivist job, and until recently there was no news: I had continued to do the physical parts of my job without any commentary from Jennifer. However, just recently I have been planning for another large box-moving operation — they come up every so often — and Jennifer mentioned, as we were discussing the logistics, that she misses having maintenance staff we can call on for this kind of physical task, as she had gotten used to that in a previous job.
I replied that this had been possible at one of my previous jobs too, but (it seemed a natural opportunity to mention this) of course moving boxes about is normal in my role — and that most job descriptions for similar roles require applicants to be able to lift 40 pounds or thereabouts. She was surprised at this. I then mentioned that I enjoy that my job has some movement built-in and isn’t desk-bound all the time, so it’s a feature not a bug for me.
I don’t know if it was really necessary to bring that up, but I’m glad we had the conversation, and I felt much better prepared for it than I did the last time it came up, thanks to the advice from Alison and the commentariat!
4. My organization says they can’t pay me market rate because of it wouldn’t be fair to non-attorneys (#3 at the link)
Thanks for answering my question last year! My update: I left! Despite the issues with management/HR, I had been nervous about leaving, as I had quite a bit of flexibility in my role. But I started at another (nonprofit) organization that came with a 30% pay increase, less time in-office, more vacation time, and much less stress. Thanks to you and the comment section for reaffirming to me that this was definitely some hot nonsense and that it was time for me to move on!
5. Did our new hire take their ID photo with fake face tattoos? (#2 at the link)
I don’t have much of an update! My work environment is very unusually structured, which I did not make clear in my initial question; this individual *did not* have any sort of visual interview with anyone on the human resources team so no one had any “before” image to compare to. This hiring structure is standard practice for this type of non-employee who is still on site and required to attend orientation.
I never heard anything from security or this person’s supervisor, but I doubt very strongly they were real tattoos and like to think this person now lives with a very silly badge photo or paid the replacement fee to get a new photo.
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The post WestJet announces SuperUltraBasic fare where customers just stay home and give them money appeared first on The Beaverton.
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The post Oilers plan to damage Florida Panthers’ morale by forcing them to visit Edmonton appeared first on The Beaverton.
KINGSTON, ON – Friends of Kaitlin Barr, a 27-year-old neurodivergent copy editor, have recently said their goodbyes after Barr discovered a new hobby, and hyperfixation, of crocheting. “This is wood-burning all over again,” said Bianca Brennan, Barr’s “best friend” who she hasn’t seen in 3 weeks now. “Because of her ADHD she goes down rabbit […]
The post See you later! Neurodivergent friend discovers crocheting appeared first on The Beaverton.
Dear Members of the Search Committee:
Well, here we are again. I am sitting in my sunroom, listening to the robins, crows, and jays, and I’m trying to type out a list of all my achievements so that you will like me enough to invite me for a Zoom interview and possibly a campus visit.
I already have a teaching job at a small college in South Georgia. You may not know this, but the reason that I can’t leave the South is because I live in Florida (about thirty-five miles from the school where I have taught for the last fifteen years) and Florida is a “men’s rights” state, which meant that after I got a PhD and left my abusive ex, I wasn’t able to move anywhere without giving up custody of my children, which I would never do.
My job isn’t terrible, but I’m underpaid, and I’m looking for better opportunities. You may be wondering why I’m even applying for jobs if I can’t really leave the state of Florida. Good question. I’m applying because maybe my ex will die.
Just kidding.
I’m applying because if the teaching load is a 2/2, as advertised in the Chronicle of Higher Education, I can fly there once a week, because I will schedule my courses back to back. I am really hoping for a campus visit. In fact, I have borrowed three suits (one black, one fuchsia, and one white) from my friend Melanie, who is a lawyer and has a lot of “lawyer clothes.” I figure it’s probably not worth it for me to buy a suit, as I would never wear a suit anywhere except during a campus visit for an academic job.
Yesterday, I read this on the internet: “It is impossible to impress on someone how psychically ruinous it is to receive some thirty rejections over the course of a few months, watching your employment prospects dwindle to zero, and see it happen to so many talented others at the same time. This profession feels over.” When I read this, I felt so melancholy (and I probably shouldn’t reveal this in my cover letter) that I fantasized about quitting academia and becoming a landscape architect. I have this theory that we could bring back Medieval Gardens and that some very rich people or museums could pay me to construct these gardens (walled, of course) and that I could spend my days, as it were, on the other side of the sunroom, with the birds rather than separated from them writing this letter.
Oh, and by the way, I did teach a class at Bennington College on Medieval Romance Poetry. My favorite of the poems we read was Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, which, to be fair, probably shouldn’t even have been included in the course, but I’ve always loved Gawain’s journey and long admired his faith that if he just did what he was supposed to do, then his head wouldn’t get chopped off.
But I digress. I’ve also chaired the promotions committee, and I’ve been the speaker of the faculty senate. It makes me sad that there are people out there who will never be where you are, and frankly, I can sort of include myself in that because all of you are teaching at a finer institution with more resources.
That’s why, of course, I’d love to join you. I would be delighted to bring my administrative and teaching experience to Other State University. I look forward to discussing this position with you in more detail soon.
Sincerely,
Sandra Simonds
