Mark Carney says threats from Washington threaten Canada's way of live.

Doug Ford announced a 25% surcharge on electricity affecting 1.5 million homes and businesses across Minnesota, Michigan and New York.

The move is in retaliation to Trump's tariff threats on Canada, and is expected to raise energy costs for 1.5 million US homes.

“I didn’t think it could get worse after the 2016 release, but it got worse—much, much worse.”

“Horrible character development. It’s nearly impossible to believe these people are real.”

“I stayed up all night to find out what would happen. I still don’t know, and I might never sleep again.”

“The addition of a second antagonist came as something of a surprise, since he wasn’t mentioned in promotional materials.”

“A cross between Mein Kampf and the Bible.”

“Finally, something for fans of both Nietzsche and Nabokov.”

“An excellent example of chaos theory.”

“It will be cited for centuries for its lack of structure.”

“Breaks all the rules… and not in a good way.”

“Like Dostoevsky, but with less humor.”

“Aimed toward 1 percent of readers.”

“Requires an unusual suspension of belief.”

“Things start out disastrous and only get worse in this postapocalyptic epic disguised as current events.”

“Is it science fiction? How-to? History? Hard to say where to shelve this shitshow of a title.”

“A roller coaster ride into hell with a convicted felon and a billionaire as your guides!”

“Feels both jarringly new and eerily familiar—like WWII.”

“You will require therapy after this.”

“Slightly confusing if you haven’t read Machiavelli and Silence of the Lambs.”

“As with all sequels, it is definitively worse than the original.”

“Not intended for children.”

“Reads like a Russian novel with an exhaustive list of untrustworthy characters who go by various aliases, each with sordid backstories. It’s hard to keep up with the plot (if there is one), which feels intentional on the part of the author.”

“Corruption, espionage, violence, lack of respect for any work that has come before. A new genre emerges: naval-gazing horror.”

“You won’t know who to trust.”

“Not since Lord of the Flies has adolescent, masculine cruelty been so accurately displayed.”

“Does not conform in any way to form or structure, with a blatant disregard for all rules, with shoddy, often incoherent sentence fragments passing as coherent thought, and long, meandering, repetitive riffs on seemingly random, unrelated topics. Not unlike trying to interact with a toddler mid-tantrum.”

“Who is the target audience for this? Really, who?”

“As if a bigoted ostrich experimented with ChatGPT.”

“It’s like if the monkeys were typing Shakespeare, but then they replaced monkeys with fascists and the typewriters with AK-47s.”

“True crime at its finest.”

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Sometimes my camera would inadvertently pan up and if I had line of sight to the sky I'd see a very pretty background vista that lots of people probably worked very hard on. Soon enough, the spell would be broken, and I would be back to keeping my game's visuals on what's important (scrounging, etc).

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OTTAWA – After winning the Liberal Party leadership race in a blowout victory, Prime Minister Designate Mark Carney removed his lifelike rubber mask to reveal that he had been current Prime Minister Justin Trudeau all along. “HAHAHAHAHA!” cackled the sitting PM, who had been mere days away from stepping down. “You all knew I was […]

The post Newly-elected Mark Carney removes disguise to reveal maniacal, laughing Trudeau appeared first on The Beaverton.

OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau, Canada’s now exited prime minister, has reportedly been seen asking members of parliament to sign his yearbook. “It was kinda awkward,” began Hon. Chrystia Freeland from behind the parliamentary bleachers. “Parliament doesn’t even do yearbooks, but then he whipped one out and asked me to sign it – did he make […]

The post Trudeau asks MPs to sign yearbook appeared first on The Beaverton.

WASHINGTON—Warning that the highly suspicious individuals constituted a threat to the country’s safety and cultural unity, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security announced plans Monday to create a national registry of Duolingo users. “For unknown reasons, there are people in this country attempting to learn foreign languages ranging from Italian to Japanese, and we need to remain vigilant in the face of what they might be preparing,” said Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, warning that any Duolingo user who had earned a Social Butterfly or Flawless Finisher badge was not a real American and did not share the country’s values. “As a result of the Biden administration’s lax enforcement, the number of potentially dangerous Duolingo users in the country has jumped to over 75 million. Many of them have kept a streak alive for months. Anyone currently living in the country and earning XP on Duolingo must comply and register with the government or face deportation. We encourage citizens to report any neighbors they witness reciting phrases like ‘Lo siento’ or ‘Perdón’ into their phone.” Noem added that while most users were safe from punitive action at this time, anyone on the Duolingo leaderboards would be targeted immediately for extradition to Guantánamo Bay.

The post DHS Begins National Registry Of Duolingo Users appeared first on The Onion.

WICHITA, KS—Urging her niece and nephew to sit down on the couch for a moment to talk about something serious, local fun aunt Penny Laurence confirmed Monday that she had to go away for a while. “Aunt Penny loves you very much, but she made a mistake and now she has to go bye-bye for a little bit,” said Laurence, asking her sister’s children if they knew what the word “rehab” meant and reiterating that it was okay to feel scared and mad at the same time. “Aunt Penny’s brain is sick with something called alcoholism, but if she goes through this special program and doesn’t break the rules again, a person called a judge will let her stay out of jail. Do you remember when you lost iPad privileges for a few days because you weren’t listening? This is like that. Your Aunt Penny can’t wait to come back and be silly with you again.” The fun aunt added that when she returned she would live in her sister’s basement until she could find a job that she could get to without a car.

The post Report: Fun Aunt Has To Go Away For A While appeared first on The Onion.

President Trump’s plans for tariffs, including on goods from Canada and Mexico, have left many consumers and investors uneasy. The Onion separates the facts from the myths.

MYTH: Tariffs will revitalize the American auto industry.

FACT: Only the second coming of the Ford Fiesta could do that.

MYTH: Trump has imposed 25% tariffs on Mexico and Canada.

FACT: Actually this is true, no wait it’s a myth now, and, fuck, no wait.

MYTH: Tariffs will raise prices.

FACT: It’s only possible for prices to rise when a Democrat is president.

Myth: Tariffs will bring back American manufacturing jobs. 

Fact: Christ, give it up, Grandpa. The plant has been closed since 1982.

MYTH: Tariffs are taxes.

FACT: Tariffs are the little things: a smile between strangers, the smell of a freshly poured cup of coffee, or the laughter of a child. 

MYTH: Tariffs will help crack down on illegal drugs entering at the borders.

FACT: Tariffs will protect the U.S. fentanyl industry.

MYTH: Tariffs may trigger a global recession.

FACT: They have triggered a global recession.

The post Trump’s North American Tariffs: Myth Vs. Fact appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Warning that Americans should brace themselves for an economic “period of transition,” President Donald Trump told reporters Monday that a recession would be an unfortunate but necessary step on the way to all-out depression. “Look, what we’re doing is very big and will cause some pain, but that pain is necessary to cause total economic collapse,” Trump said during a press conference, adding that while his decision to implement billions of dollars in tariffs on foreign imports and fire 20,000 federal workers could cause a temporary disturbance, Americans would ultimately emerge much, much worse for it. “Things might be bad for a little while, but we’re okay with that, because we know that in the end these policies will drive markets into a deadly tailspin and push the economy to a point of no return. Trust me. Some hardship now will only make your bank accounts more empty in the long run. If everything goes right, none of you will be able to afford food, housing, or retirement ever again.” At press time, many of Trump’s most vocal defenders stressed that they trusted the president to usher in the greatest depression the nation had ever seen.

The post Trump Says Recession Unfortunate But Necessary Step To Get To Depression appeared first on The Onion.

The pair were married for 60 years before Dean died earlier this week.

I always enjoyed the foreign travel stories in Scary Go Round, though the smaller scale remit of the series I’ve made since made those little excursions harder to fit in. Lottie likes to think of herself as a sophisticate, Claire has caught the disease from her, and I enjoy seeing them pretend to be adults.

The post A lot of very similar haircuts appeared first on Bad Machinery.

ORLANDO, FL – In the wake of the recent mid-air explosion of a SpaceX rocket, thousands mourn as the company confirms that the CEO, Elon Musk, was not aboard the ship. Following what a SpaceX rep Orwellianly described as a “Rapid Unexpected Disassembly”, many Florida residents reported watching the Musk-less rocket crash from their homes. […]

The post Tragedy over Florida: Elon Musk not on exploding rocket appeared first on The Beaverton.

The Cedars Union, a nonprofit arts incubator in Dallas, has named the 18 artists included in its 2025-2026 cohort.

Founded in 2015, The Cedars Union occupies a 7,000-square-foot building with artist studios and shared workspaces. The organization hosts 18-month cohorts to provide local artists affordable studio space and resources. Selected artists receive an affordably-priced studio, ranging from 64 to 200 square feet, as well as 24/7 access to tools and equipment, artist member critiques, and programs led by their peers.

The new cohort was selected by jurors Will Heron, Sara Hignite, Tina Medina, Vicki Meek, and Narong Tintamusik. While the new group includes painters, sculptors, photographers, and multidisciplinary creatives, it is also the first cohort to include writers. See the full list of creatives below.

In a press release, Emma Vernon, Executive Director of The Cedars Union, said, “At The Cedars Union, we know artists are essential to the cultural fabric of our city. This cohort represents an incredible diversity of perspectives, mediums, and stories — several artists are exploring themes of identity, migration, urban renewal, and environmentalism in groundbreaking ways. We are honored to support them as they refine their craft and build sustainable creative practices here in North Texas.”

Meet the creatives that make up Cohort V at The Cedars Union Open House on Friday, March 14, from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. Learn more about the artists via the organization’s website.

The Cedars Union 2025-2026 Cohort

Ray Albarez
Alvaro Arroliga
Harrison Blake
Katherine Covarrubias
MCat Davis
Maria Esswein
Jordan Funk
Anthony TungNing Huang
Matthew Jones
Felicia Jordan
KevRon Madden
Eliana Miranda
Bao Nghi Ngo
Karla Ramirez-Santin
Anna Redman
Chukwudi Ukonne
José Vázques Ramírez
Leigh Ann Williams Hickey

The post The Cedars Union Announces its 5th Artist Incubator Cohort appeared first on Glasstire.

Chad Plunket’s exhibition at LHUCA in Lubbock, Texas, presents a compelling confluence of craftsmanship, spirituality, and heritage through monumental carved wooden pillars. 

The son of an evangelical preacher, Plunket balances his roles as father, artist, and teacher while directing the non-profit Charles Adams Studio Projects (CASP) in Lubbock. Titled Come Before Last, the exhibition’s evocative name is drawn from three random words in a prayer Plunket often recites — words that have become both a mantra and a thesis statement for his work:

“To those yet to come, we wait in joyful anticipation of their birth. To those who have gone before us, we say their names and tell their stories so they are not forgotten. And for those of us here today, let us be present with each other, for these days do not last.”

His wooden sculptures occupy the main gallery at LHUCA, a space now painted in a subdued eggshell tone, replacing its once-signature bright red feature wall. This shift in the environment enhances the quiet, contemplative atmosphere of the show. The fluorescent lighting casts a cool glow over the space, highlighting the serene, structured forms of the carved pillars — evoking the deliberate simplicity of Donald Judd’s aluminum pieces in Marfa.

Each pillar stands as a prayer in its own verticality — a totem that resonates with the echoes of time. Linear, yet shaped by removal rather than addition.

Plunket’s process is both a ritual and a feat of craftsmanship. Working within the modest yet deeply personal confines of his driveway and garage in Lubbock, he transforms raw materials into towering sculptures, including an imposing 15-foot-tall lightning strike. His materials range from splintered, cracked, roughly hewn wood to smooth walnut planks salvaged from his grandfather’s shop. Carving, sanding, burnishing, and burning, he approaches his craft with meticulous devotion, building not only the sculptures but also the tables displaying smaller whittled studies that frame the exhibition.

Each piece is a meditation in wood, where every cut and curve echoes the rhythm of a prayer. The smaller studies offer a glimpse into his process — preliminary explorations hinting at larger works. Some surfaces are impossibly smooth, inviting touch (a designated “touch table” is provided at the entrance), while others are sharply defined, their edges knife-like in clarity. The incisions feel deliberate, their presence like thumbing a string of rosary beads or tracing ancient symbols—marking time, memory, and devotion.

Navigating the towering sculptures, especially in the quiet lull of a Sunday afternoon, reveals an inherent rhythm—a whispered language guiding the viewer through a space imbued with latent energy. The interplay of aspen, pine, cedar, and walnut reflects Plunket’s marriage of technical precision with ritual introspection. Every groove and notch speaks to patience and reverence, a slow and deliberate process akin to meditation. 

Imperfections — cracks, knots, and rough patches — become testaments to nature’s unpredictability, reinforcing a raw honesty within the work. Like a decaying tree stump, they remind us that time is as much about erosion as it is about construction.

Beyond the exhibition’s themes of temporality, the monumental scale of Plunket’s work underscores an exploration of continuity — each pillar a solitary yet interconnected figure in dialogue with its wooden companions. A reminder that not just heritage but also place plays a role in our stories.

Plunket has lived across the globe, in England and New Zealand, but Lubbock is the place that appears in this work. Lubbock’s harsh, dry conditions inform these sculptures’ slow, repetitive pace, a sandblast against what eventually forms a slotted canyon or interesting rockface.

The carvings recall an ancient means of record-keeping, evoking the intricate systems of Incan quipus — knots used to tell stories and mark time. His work suggests an alternative timeline, a different way of inscribing memory and meaning into physical form. These carved symbols, like quipus, preserve something beyond words — messages passed between generations, histories recorded in texture rather than text.

Some of Plunket’s carvings evoke desert landscapes: the curving shell of a nopal, the undulations of a rattlesnake, and the jagged trace of a lightning strike. These organic references contrast yet harmonize with the stark simplicity of his forms, infusing them with a wild energy that underscores their connection to the natural world through rhythmic, sometimes powerful events.

Come Before Last bridges art, spirituality, history, and daily practice. It is not about spectacle but rather the beauty of simplicity and the power of deliberate craftsmanship. In each carved line, in each silent rhythm of vertical form, Plunket extends an invitation — to slow down, engage deeply, and recognize that in every act of creation, there is a thread connecting us to something beyond ourselves.

 

Come Before Last is on view at LHUCA through March 29.

The post “Come Before Last”: Chad Plunket’s Invitation at LHUCA in Lubbock appeared first on Glasstire.

The Trump administration briefly listed over 440 federal buildings for sale online before suddenly removing the document, which included major properties like the FBI and Justice Department headquarters. What do you think?

The post FBI, Justice Department Buildings Briefly Listed For Sale appeared first on The Onion.

COLLINGWOOD, ON – Move over, Shaun White. There’s a new snowboarder in town: one who doesn’t need to wow people with sick tricks or Olympic medals, because he’s got twelve lift tags on his black and yellow North Face winter jacket and that’s enough to get him laid. “Hey, I’m Ned Wright, and I keep […]

The post Local snowboarder who keeps lift tags on jacket can’t stop getting laid appeared first on The Beaverton.

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The only possible problem is if being crushed in a universe-ending sea of flesh would make it no longer be the best day ever.

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metacity hacker

1d9

Metacity hacker. A fully sentient liberated mata_bot head over the shoulder like a purse, connected to the brain with a wireless module transmitting "fuck computers"

1d9 die in the air.

https://analognowhere.com/_/heicro

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bootleg propaganda

Some kind of a child of 9 and Glenda in an astronaut suit pose with a computer screen that displays nothing but a cursor

https://analognowhere.com/_/eanmac

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Last Friday I had a moment of panic. While investigating why different run-time libraries might interpret file timestamps differently, I noticed that even Windows doesn’t always agree with itself. When was dos4gw.exe last modified, at 10:14 PM or 9:14 PM?

For some (but not all) files, the dir command in cmd shows timestamps that are off by an hour compared to timestamps shown by Explorer or PowerShell. How is this possible? And is either of those timestamps even correct?

A friend soon pointed me in the right direction: Daylight Saving Time, or DST.

Now it’s early March, and for files last written in recent months, the timestamps matched between cmd and Explorer. For older files, they did not. The same pattern repeated for older files last written in previous years. Files written in winter had matching timestamps, files written in summer did not.

The effect is observable on Windows 10 and 11, as well as older versions going back to Windows 7. Windows Vista and previous releases do not exhibit this behavior—Explorer and cmd show consistent (but wrong!) times.

Why oh Why?

Without reverse engineering cmd.exe, I can only guess at the cause. It is highly likely that cmd uses the FileTimeToLocalFileTime API, for which Microsoft has a rather interesting Remarks section in their documentation:

To account for daylight saving time when converting a file time to a local time, use the following sequence of functions in place of using FileTimeToLocalFileTime:

1. FileTimeToSystemTime
2. SystemTimeToTzSpecificLocalTime
3. SystemTimeToFileTime

In other words, FileTimeToLocalFileTime is broken, and probably has been all along. As far as I can tell, FileTimeToLocalFileTime determines the current offset from UTC, and applies it to all timestamp conversions. That is correct for timestamps taken when the UTC offset was the same as it is now, but incorrect for timestamps taken with a different UTC offset.

That is, when DST is not in use, FileTimeToLocalFileTime incorrectly converts timestamps taken when DST was in use, and vice versa.

How Does It All Work?

The Win32 API presents file timestamps using the FILETIME type. This time is based on UTC; in the NTFS file system, timestamps are stored in UTC, for other file systems (such as FAT and derivatives) the OS converts timestamps to UTC. Which opens a whole another can of worms, but that’s a separate discussion.

In any case, users are not interested in UTC. They care about their local time. Which means that for displaying timestamps, software has to convert timestamps to local time. And that’s exactly what FileTimeToLocalFileTime does… only badly.

As Microsoft’s own documentation says, instead of FileTimeToLocalFileTime, applications can use the sequence FileTimeToSystemTime / SystemTimeToTzSpecificLocalTime / SystemTimeToFileTime. The SystemTimeToTzSpecificLocalTime API correctly takes DST into account.

Applications can also take a different tack. FILETIME timestamps in UTC can be fairly simply converted to POSIX style time_t timestamps, or applications can use run-time library routines like stat() that return timestamps in time_t format. These timestamps can be processed with Standard C library functions such as localtime().

In either case, DST will be handled correctly (SystemTimeToTzSpecificLocalTime and localtime() both do the right thing)… and the local times will not always match what cmd shows.

Conversion Pitfalls

Recording timestamps in UTC is the obvious correct design decision. The OS should be independent of the local time zone; for one thing, different users concurrently using the system might conceivably be using different time zones.

In addition, converting from UTC to local time is unambiguous, but conversion in the opposite direction is not. When switching from DST to standard time, the local time might switch from 2:00 AM DST to 1:00 AM standard time (the exact time varies by time zone!). Which means that on the day of the switchover, the local time hits 1:30 AM twice, and it is impossible to unambiguously convert such local time to UTC without knowing whether DST was in effect or not at the time. And that is information which is usually lost.

Similarly comparing timestamps must be done in UTC if the timestamps might have been taken in different time zones. Local times are impossible to work with in a global context, and should only be used for display purposes. But converting from UTC to local time is not entirely trivial.

Update: To explicitly answer the question posed at the beginning of this post: The 10:14 PM timestamp shown by Explorer is correct, and the 9:14 PM timestamp shown by cmd is not.

Also worth noting is that the “Automatically adjust clock for daylight saving changes” or “Adjust for daylight saving time automatically” setting in Windows has an effect on the timestamps shown. That may seem surprising, but it’s completely logical. When converting UTC to local time, it does make a difference whether DST is in effect or not.

The permanent home for the battleship had been in limbo for well over a year after the board had authorized and then backed out of, a leasing agreement. From August 2022 to March 2024, Battleship Texas was dry-docked in Galveston as it underwent repairs.

Protesters said the cuts are a form of “government censorship” and demanded the restoration of federal funding and the rehiring of federal employees.

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It may even insist that it can wonder, but it's all just a modestly convincing illusion.

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The post Immigrant Criticizes Swimsuit Competition Portion Of U.S. Citizenship Test appeared first on The Onion.