Hpecker

Women: Why do men spit in public?
Men: Where ELSE should we spit? On you??? Do you want us to spit on YOU!?! Alright, FINE.
Women: A teenage girls bra strap shouldn't be a reason to send her home.
Men: Okay. Okay, alright. Alright, okay, okay. Well why don't I just PULL MY DICK OUT IN CLASS THEN!?!?
Women: A person should have the right to an abortion.
Men: Ohhhhh women want abortions! Well men should be able to rape them, that seems like the logical equivalent of this situation.
Women: Women need to defend themselves from violent men.
Men: Oh, what, you can hit me but I can't hit you!? why CAN'T I hit you? WHEN can I hit you??? Tell me when I can hit you, please. I want to know. I need to know.
Women: Men overreact a lot.
Men: WHOA. Why would you go there? Why do you generalize all men like that? I feel so attacked. This is so hurtful.
Men: This is why no one likes feminists.

babygoatsandfriends:

mapsandshhtuff:

Llama vs. goat populations

insightful

goatwishes:

banquos—ghost:

WHAT

danglingthpider:

porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house

whattup more like crapitalism u feel me

Corporate BS Generator:

oh, these are good: stupid bullshit words that mean nothing aka how corporate language is the emperor’s new clothes

continually engage vertical outsourcing

synergistically re-engineer emerging networks

appropriately redefine viral bandwidth

dynamically extend economically sound action items

proactively formulate maintainable web services

Where Did Soul-Sucking Office-Speak First Come from? | VICE | United Kingdom:

Examining the evolution of words like “upskill”, “deliverables” and “streamlining”.

"So despite annoying everyone and being an impediment to effective communication, the office-speaking meme became associated with power and efficiency and money in much the same way that a long tail became associated with attractiveness in birds of paradise. And once office-speak became yoked together with power and money, the ratcheting wheels of evolution took over. Because now, we’re penalised for not using the anti-language of office-speak; those who don’t possess the office-speaker’s loose tongue get ignored, or offend people with their transparent straight-talking, or seem reserved.”

some more terms i hate:

theory of change

deliverables

best practices

potentialities

drill down

Big News, guys!

As you know, we always have plenty of irons in the fire. Well, due to a couple of time-demanding Big Projects, we are going to switch gears to one comic per week. While we understand this may challenge the very fabric of your existence for some of you, you’ve got our word that we’ll deliver you as many High Octane Fart Jokes as frequently as we possibly can.

Keep your eyes peeled on YouTube and on the app store, exciting stuff is on the way!

Wes + Tony

paulamaf2013:

keithboykin:

“If you ask a Republican in Congress if they believe in climate change they say ‘Well, no…I’m not a scientist.’ But when it comes to a woman’s right to choose, suddenly they’re a doctor.”

- President Obama in Michigan on Saturday campaigning for Gary Peters.

BURRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNN

Thanks to Clay, who helped me write this one.

I’m a graphic design contractor for a large government agency. I’m the only contractor on my floor, and also the only “arty person” as they call me. One morning at about 8:27, a client walks into my cube.

Client: G’morning, I was wondering if you could help me with a graphic I need for this presentation.

Me: Not a problem, I’m actually just finishing up a few things this morning and can jump right on it. What are we doing?

Client: It’s actually really simple…

She goes on to describe what is actually a pretty simple graphic, and by simple I mean 4-6 hours or work, but easily doable by the next day.

Me: I like it. That’ll be really fun, and I definitely see what you mean about it tying the presentation together.

Client: Oh good, I knew you could help! I was so panicked when they gave me this for the staff meeting today.

Me: Wait, the staff meeting, TODAY?

Client: Yes!

Me: The one at 9:00

Client: Yes?

Me: The 9:00 in 18 minutes?

Client: Yes, it’s a really simple graphic

Me: There is no such thing as a 15 minute custom graphic!

Client: But I explained, it’s really simple. Give me the 15 minute version.

Me: I don’t want anyone here seeing a product coming from my desk that I only had 15 minutes to do.

Client: No one will know I got it from you!

Me: I’m the only graphics person here!

Client: But I’m really over the barrel here, can you please help me out?

Me: I’ll see what I can pull off. Please get out of my cube and come back in 14 minutes

Client: I’d really like to stay and watch.

Me: No, get out, and come back in 13 minutes.

It was awful. But what was worse: she loved it.

UPDATE: she has done this to me 2 more times. I have now officially told her no matter how simple I will not help her without 48 hours notice before her presentation.

flyartproductions:

Les Demoiselles d’Single

Les Demoiselles d’Avignon, Pablo Picasso (1907) / Single Ladies, Beyonce

My employer asked me to design his website with an “80s feel” but also wanted it “clean and modern.” After several proposals, he says he’s still not getting the “80s feel.”

Client: 80s – like pirates and quill pens.

Me: Oh, you mean the 18th century.

Client: Yeah, 18th century, 80s, same thing.

Me: The 80s generally refer to the 1980s.

zazzle-poetry:

buy here

magic-bowtie-dreams-221b:

thempress:

People look down on McDonald’s employees but fail to realize that if all these folks left McDonald’s and pursued “better careers”  your ass wouldn’t be able to get a McDouble with an Oreo McFlurry at 3am. 

You can’t demand a service while simultaneously degrading those who provide it for you. 

You can’t demand a service while simultaneously degrading those who provide it for you. 

The Onion: How Ebola Quarantine Works

#drunkjcrew @drunkjcrewuguys #vote

Maybe I am a computer program that wants racists to go fuck themselves. Maybe this is Her II.

Grandma: It’s so nice that you’re painting again!

Me: Well, I’m a freelance graphic designer, so it’s not quite the same thing as painting. But it involves a lot of the same skills.

Grandma: But how do you send your art to people? Are you mailing the paintings?

Me: No, Grandma, it’s all done on the computer, artwork and all. I email the finished art to people. (I wasn’t going to try and explain Dropbox at this point)

Grandma: Well, I just don’t understand any of that. Anyway, I pray every day that God won’t give you too much business, so you will have a baby instead.

Christ driving the paparazzi from the temple

Christ driving the moneylenders from the temple (1626), Rembrandt / Run This Town, Jay-Z ft. Rihanna & Kanye West

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flyartproductions:

Hurry up with my damn creation

The Creation of Adam (1511-1512), Michelangelo / I Am A God, Kanye West

stephenwildish:

Friday Project: Witch Moral Compass

That’s not bad, but to truly describe Dan Snyder, wouldn’t you have to go with something like the Washington Fucktoads (Racist Division)???