Over the years I’ve amassed a collection of tools ranging from mildly geeky to mega-geeky to downright useless for all but a few humans. I find most of them invaluable. When I use a computer without them, it feels like I’m computing with oven mitts on. You may not know it, but you, too, could be oven mitt computing.

Some of these tools pull back the curtain, reveal a little bit of the Oz behind the opaque facade of OS X. Others just make mundane tasks simpler. And yet others make you and your computer more secure.

We’ll start simple and get more geeky down the stack.

Ghostery

Morally contentious in that it can block ads, but the moral grayness of the very ads it blocks and their tracking software is equally contentious. Can double your browsing speed by blocking superfluous external scripts. This browser plug in has granular control so that you can whitelist the ads for sites you love and want to support. (Personally, though, I find it much simpler and more satisfying to subscribe to the publications I return to again and again.) An invaluable tool. Especially so when working in emergent economies where every megabyte of bandwidth counts. Download here.

Ghostery is not available for iOS, but I find 1Blocker is a competent analog. Again, necessary in places where bandwidth is at a premium and your iOS device is your main computer.

1Password

At a time where every site seems to be hacked with tick-tock regularity, I can’t imagine using the same password for more than one login. 1Password auto-generates long, gordian, unique passwords for every website on which you have an account. It let’s you sync — via an encrypted password file — between your mobile and desktop computers.

1Password then allows for one-tap login (or choice of login if you have multiple for a single site) on desktop and even integrates with Mobile Safari on iOS. It makes you faster and more secure.

People may further furrow their brow and exclaim: But if someone steals your 1Password file they’ll have all your logins! Yes, if you use a weak master password for 1Password, that might be a problem. But think of it like this: If someone is trying to hack into your personal computer, you’ve probably got more problems than just passwords. When big sites are breached, the value return for the time invested on the part of hackers is massive — millions of logins.

Now, when I hear of a site hacked on which I’m a member, I shrug, have 1Password generate a new password for that login and don’t think too much more about it. Download here.

Google 2-Factor Authentication

As a supplementary note to 1Password: It’s smart to have 2-factor authentication enabled on super-high-value logins like your Gmail account. This way, even if a malicious actor gets your account information, they will still need physical access to your smartphone to fully authenticate and log in.

iStat Menus

I used to be a MenuMeters guy. For years it was the first app I installed on a new install of OS X. But it stopped working with El Capitan and it doesn’t look like it’s going to be fixed. So with a sigh, I switched to iStat Menus. It’s good, if slightly more complicated and a bit heavier feeling than MenuMeters. I cannot live without it. Let me tell you why:
I enable only two thing: the CPU Meter and the Network Throughput. These are the tachometers for your computer and network; they make visible the otherwise unanswered questions of: How hard is my computer working? Is my network connection OK?

Network Throughput lets you see that — oops — you’re connected to your router’s 2.5ghz network, not 5ghz network because you see you’re maxing out at 6MB/s. It let’s you instantly check the quality of a tethered 3G connection in the rice fields of Myanmar. It shows you that — wow — Starbucks WiFi in Japan is faster than most home WiFi in the US. It allows you to begin to connect the feeling of a network — the feeling of the speed of a website — with the actual throughput. I’ve found this to be weirdly invaluable. And of all the little tools I use with my computers, not having visible and real-time access to this information feels like the most oven mitty of all.

The value of the CPU meter is obvious: you immediately know when some dunderhead process is running wild in the background.

Flux

Ah, Flux. Is there a more loved menu bar tool in the world? I think not.

Flux changes the temperature of your screen to match the sun. When the sun rises, the screen shifts “normal” (blueish). When the sun sets, your screen gets warm, like an incandescent bulb (less blue).

It doesn’t sound like much but with millions of users around the world it’s hard to dismiss. And after using Flux for a few days, if it accidentally gets turned off at night, you’ll be cowering at just how harsh the light of your screen was before.

 

Google Search: Constrain By Time

Do you use Google? Do you sometimes wish you could limit results to the last week? Month? Well, you can. In search results click “Search Tools” and then “By Time.” Why Google buries such a useful function is a mystery that one can only assume explained by copious A/B testing and little human / designer intervention. And that those working on Google’s search interface love oven mitts.

For example, you may be obsessively searching for only the latest Star Wars news. In order to filter out anything about the old movies, you can set your time constraint to the last month.

EtreCheck

Take off those reprobate oven mitts! With an icon like that, you know this is going to be Deep Geek.

For those maximally OCD among us, Etre is the perfect tool to see precisely what kind of hidden refuse is installed on your OS X machine. If you’ve ever wondered about a rogue process, a strange hit on your battery life, the phantom running of laptop fans when you’re not doing anything worthy of their cooling, then EtreCheck might help you track down the random kernel extension or startup item that is causing the pain.

AppZapper

If you do find any good-for-nothing bums in EtreCheck, AppZapper is one way to snuff them out. It’s an embarrassingly simple application that helps you delete other applications while removing all of its other residual gunk (library files, extensions, startup items, etc).

It also lets you sort through your apps by time last used and size. Now you can see the biggest apps you haven’t opened in — for example — the last year (an old copy of Lightroom, iMovie, etc.) And delete them, freeing up, potentially, dozens of gigabytes of wasted space.

DaisyDisk

DaisyDisk is a near ideal single-serving app. It scans your HD and shows you what’s eating all your space. It’s the perfect I’m-on-an-airplane-and-sick-of-answering-offline-email tool. It’s an easy way to suddenly notice that your seven iPhone backups for phones you don’t own anymore are eating 100GB of space. Or that Google Chrome’s cache has ballooned to 5GB. Or that your downloads folder is now 25GB of random stuff you’ve accrued over the years. Delete. Compute boldly.

Keyboard Text Expansion

You can use dedicated software to do this, or just use OS X’s built in tool: System Prefs > Keyboard > Text. It allows you to map oft-used but annoying-to-type things to simple shortcuts. For example, I have {cf} convert to ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) or {tf} to (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

While you’re in there, if you click on “Shortcuts” you can also remap menu shortcuts. For example, I wanted Mail.app to feel a little more like Gmail so I remapped CMD-E to Archive, I also made CMD-↩ map to Send, and switched CMD-F from Forward to Search Mailboxes (Find). You can remap any shortcut to any uniquely named command in the menubar on an app-by-app basis. Weirdly handy.

 

Little Ipsum

Useful mainly for designers in constant need of Lorem Ipsum text, but still worth mentioning. Little Ipsum sits in your menu bar, let’s you produce one sentence, paragraph, or page of Lorem Ipsum, copied to your buffer, ready to be pasted into whatever brilliant design document you’re drafting. Could be hacked through Keyboard Shortcut Mapping, but the randomly generated latin or Little Ipsum is a nice detail (and design is nothing if not details).

Eject All Disks script

How many times a day do you eject external hard drives from your laptop? Is there a more cumbersome process? Click finder > New Window (if one isn’t already open) > scroll to bottom of sidebar > click smallest {x}.

Unacceptable! Our solution: Use an apple script that you stick in your dock. One (big, fat) click to eject all external disks. Download here.

 

External SSD

This is a little bonus tool — hardware, not software.

Modern stress is definitely modulated by battery percentages and free disk space, but carrying an external HD can feel cumbersome, gangly. Thankfully, Samsung has produced a nearly weightless, up-to 1TB external SSD that is as a close to hardware magic as anything I’ve seen. It’s the size of a business card. It’s probably faster than your internal SSD. Comes with the cutest, flat USB3 cable. And obviates the need to worry about having extra storage on you at all times. A more perfect on-the-go photo and media backup I know not. Grab one on Amazon.

-- Craig Mod

It’s the holidays, and once again, Facebook and Instagram feeds throughout the land are bedazzled with photos of happy couples, a ring conspicuously featured on one of their hands. A clever caption that might as well (but doesn’t actually) say “We’re engaged!” floats nearby or inside the photo itself, while a gazillion “likes” and congratulatory comments trail at the bottom.

You want to feel happy for them. And you probably do! But happiness isn’t always the only emotion present –especially if you are single. Yes, my single compatriots, you feel joy in the celebration of your friends’ love, yet you also feel jealous. And then you feel bad about yourself for feeling jealous.

And perhaps you aren’t even jealous of them and their engagement, but of the social status that goes along with it. The engagement announcement carries with it a strange sense of failure, and perhaps the shame of Why do I not have a partner?

If this sounds familiar, congratulations.  You have stumbled upon one of the many manifestations of Partner Privilege, the invisible force in society that rewards people for being in committed romantic relationships, and shames those who are not.

Partner Privilege, like most types of privilege, lurks beneath the surface, so ingrained and internalized that we rarely notice it. In fact, it wasn’t until this summer that I even recognized its existence.

I had agreed to be a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding. Let’s call her Emma. I didn’t know most of the other wedding guests, so I asked her if I could bring a +1. Emma flatly said no, explaining that they were trying to keep the guest list small to keep costs down. I totally understood this, and did not have a problem with it. However, I later found out that other bridesmaids, (as well as guests) were allowed a +1 if they were married or had a serious significant other.

This news hit me hard. It felt overtly unfair, and covertly insulting. I was being treated as less than those attendees who were in romantic partnerships. It wasn’t like Emma and her fiancé were close friends with all of their friends’ spouses and S.O.s either.  In some cases neither the bride nor groom had even met these +1s before. If they wanted to restrict attendance, why didn’t they just stick to a guest list comprised of their actual friends and family? Instead, they resorted to random discrimination. I was being denied the privilege of bringing a companion to the wedding, a privilege granted—without question—to those who were partnered.

Her wedding’s “+1 policy” was literally telling me that since I was not in a relationship I had to be alone. I knew that message wasn’t an accurate portrayal of my life, but it hurt all the same. I was made to feel as if I was not worthy of any companionship, despite the bountiful meaningful relationships in my life. I have amazing friends and family, and I am a part of several communities. Just because I haven’t found a life-partner doesn’t mean I am alone.

And the fact that I am single does not make it legitimate to treat me as lesser.

But this policy was treating me as lesser. That’s just how Partner Privilege works. I started asking around and found, to my dismay, that disallowing +1’s for singles at formal events is fairly common practice.

Ever since then, I have been seeing Partner Privilege everywhere, and, I mean, it isn’t all bad. At the institutional level, Partner Privilege actually does a lot of good. I’m talking, of course, about the institution of marriage itself, and the various privileges that go along with it—things like tax breaks, hospital visitation rights, sharing of health and dental benefits, etc.  Marriage rights are vital to safeguarding the welfare of families.  It’s no wonder that they were a huge driver in the LGBT community’s fight for marriage equality.  Likewise, Partner Privilege can also help legitimize queer identities. As my co-editor Lucy Small says, “Parents may be more likely to accept their child’s identity as homosexual if they are in a long-term monogamous partnership. In a way, partnering is enough to “prove” sexual preference, whereas other sexual acts and thoughts are not.”

However, at the individual level Partner Privilege does more harm than good. Emma’s wedding was a uniquely clear, tangible example of this, but most of the time individual-level Partner Privilege is difficult to see. We are generally unaware of the way singles are perceived as immature, stubborn, abrasive, or vaguely deficient, while coupled people are perceived as “adult”, admirable, level-headed and somehow more worthy of our respect.

Intellectually, we know that entering a relationship does not magically make someone a better person, but this realization does not stop our respect from instantaneously leveling-up for someone upon learning they are in a relationship. Even if we do realize we are making these judgments, we try to rationalize them by telling ourselves that the very act of being in a relationship requires more maturity and “goodness of character”.

But the thing is, whether we are in a relationship or not doesn’t actually say anything about our virtue as human beings. There are people in relationships that are far more messed up than single people. Being in a relationship could signify maturity and cooperative spirit, but it could also signify a bad case of co-dependence and manipulation.

The blog Wait, But Why? explores this phenomenon in “How to Pick Your Life Partner Part 1”. The post heavily features the Figured It All Out Staircase, a graphic that shows how we feel about being single vs. “how things actually are”.  The idea is that being single feels like the utmost failure, but is actually better than being in an unhappy partnership.

This graphic beautifully depicts how Partner Privilege negatively impacts single people, making them feel like they are doing far worse than they actually are by being virtue of single.  That said, the graphic itself is laden with Partner Privilege. Being in a happy couple is a goal, literally at the top of a staircase.

Unlike most types of privilege (white privilege, class privilege, able-ness, etc.) Partner Privilege is one that we feel we have control over. So if we “fail” to be in a relationship, we may turn inward and feel bad about ourselves.

This affects people regardless of race, class, gender, or sexual orientation. Even straight, affluent, super-privileged white dudes feel the pressure to be in a relationship! In fact, Partner Privilege may be one of the few privileges these guys are lacking, and they feel it, hard. I have several male friends who are overwhelmingly frustrated, even depressed because of their “singleness”. But their frustration is not solely sexual, nor does it necessarily stem from a desire for the intrinsic benefits of a relationship (love, emotional support, sharing of chores, life team-mate, etc). Rather, they feel that they have failed at something. Something they can’t control, but feel like they should.

Heterosexual women feel the harmful effects of Partner Privilege in an extra-special way. For women, the stigma of being single is historically rooted. Back in the day, marriage was inextricably linked to a woman’s identity and financial well-being, so the stakes for being single were high.

Although we now live in a society where women are at least theoretically granted all of the same rights as men, many of the attitudes associated with the past era linger on: namely, women still feel enormous pressure to “be pretty” and attract a man… and you better “catch” him before you get too old! Along these lines, body image issues and other endless struggles to “fit” the “male gaze” are indirectly linked to Partner Privilege.

Our culture perpetuates the privileging of couple-dom in countless ways.  It’s there when we look shamefully upon single parents. It’s there when couples stop hanging out with their single friends. It’s there in the saying, always a bridesmaid, never a bride. It’s there when almost every movie depicts romantic partnership as a “goal” or “reward”. It’s there when landlords are more likely to rent to married couples. And it’s certainly there when singles are not allowed a +1 at formal events. There are too many examples of Partner Privilege for me to go into all of them here, and I am not going to try.

 

 

The point is, Partner Privilege is real and has real consequences. When society privileges people in relationships to the extent that it does, when we reward couples, and shame singles, we unwittingly encourage unhealthy relationships. Partner Privilege can inspire people to ignore aspects of their romantic relationships that are unhealthy, even abusive, in effort to keep the social status—that “success”—of being in a couple. As I mentioned before, there are plenty of intrinsic reasons to want to be/stay in a relationship: love, regular sex, emotional and logistical support, having a “team-mate”, and all of the learning and growth that comes with sharing life with another person.

But if you are “sticking it out” in an unhappy relationship, ask yourself: what is keeping you from leaving? The idea of life without that person? Or the thought of navigating a world that will suddenly be more hostile towards you?

Likewise, if a friend is having trouble with their partner, don’t encourage them to hold on at all costs. If a friend has recently gone through a break-up, comfort them with the existence your friendship (“I’m here for you, let’s hang out!”) not by assuring them of the existence of future partners (“Don’t worry, there’s other fish in the sea”).  In fact everyone can fight Partner Privilege any day, in any situation by showing appreciation for the non-sexual, non-romantic relationships in life.  It doesn’t matter if you are single or coupled, everyone can (and should) celebrate their friendships.

And if you are perusing Facebook or Instagram while-single this holiday season, and you start to feel ashamed and depressed when it seems like *everybody* is engaged and getting married except for you, recognize the role Partner Privilege is playing.  Remember that even algorithms are privileging these posts. Remember where you really stand on the Figured It All Out Staircase…

….and then SMASH that whole idea to the ground.

 

Because your value as a person is NOT determined by your relationship status, and things are much better when there isn’t a staircase at all.

 

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Postpartum depression is the moon landing, because even though you are like 99% sure people have walked around up there (I mean, we have dirt, right? Moon rocks? Why would science lie about this?), one day some person will come up to you and tell you that it's not real, which means that it never happened to anybody, least of all you.

Read more Postpartum Depression, Defined at The Toast.

This Purse Sand Is Crusting Under My Fingernails

I Thought There Was A Hair Tie In Here But As I Blindly Rummage Around My Nerveless Fingers Grab Only Air

Read more Levels Of Purse Anxiety It Is Possible To Have at The Toast.

Many (if not most of us) who are polyamorous, swinger, or in any kind of open relationships, have been told we are "obsessed with sex." But are we really?

The truth is, telling someone they are obsessed with sex, is actually a great insult to that individual in many ways — mostly because in reality, it feels like shaming.

I mean, the use of the word "obsession," by definition, is negative: "A persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling."

Therefore, when others tell us that we are obsessed with sex, they are pointing out we have a disturbing preoccupation with the joy of copulation in a unreasonable way.

Okay, sure… there are absolutely people out there who would be obsessed with sex. They even have therapy sessions, which for anyone truly obsessed with sex — that is a wonderful thing. But many of us are not dictionary-definition obsessed with sexual pleasures. We're simply open — open-minded, open sexually, and sexually positive. Is that really a bad thing?

Apparently to some people, yes, yes it is. It makes many uncomfortable. I believe it's it very likely makes some people uncomfortable because they themselves are not comfortable with their own sexuality. But there must be a way we can intelligently respond to the sexually uncomfortable who would attack us sexually comfortable and sexually positive individuals…

Erotic, passionate, incredible sex is not something we require to survive. As a species, we simply need procreation. The other items add fun, excitement and a level of entertainment to it.

You know what else we do not require to survive? Fancy food.

To survive, all we truly need is a series of nutritional supplements. Simple, to the point, nothing we even need to spend time with or enjoy. Yet, most of us spend tremendous amounts of money and time each year to enjoy incredible food-driven experiences. Gourmet meals, fine dining, exotic flavors… heck, even a fast food burger is nothing more than a cheap and completely un-needed bit of joy wrapped in paper.

Am I comparing a delicious buffet in Vegas to a kinky sex party in Boise? You bet I am.

Am I comparing a delicious buffet in Vegas to a kinky sex party in Boise? You bet I am, because when it comes down to it, they are the exact same thing.

All of this excess and specialty food is equally as required as passionate, erotic, frequent, kink-filled sexual encounters. And if you wish to tell me I am obsessed with sex simply because I enjoy it, and I enjoy pleasuring others, then I ask you to consider whether you have an obsession with food that's fancier than a flavorless nutritional paste.

Because you're probably just as obsessed as I am.

Recent Comments

• RedVonix: There's nothing wrong with sluts - some of my best friends are sluts, and we should never shame them. I… [Link]
• tim: He demeaned me. Bizarrely he pretended he was monogamous when he's into orgies, threesome's, sex parties and relationships with prostitutes.… [Link]
• RedVonix: I'm very sorry he hurt you like this. There are indeed people out there like that unfortunately, and when we… [Link]
• tim: I could care less . its live and let live as long as you are honest and not fooling someone.… [Link]
• Anie: And my partner will always order a black and blue burger when we go out to eat. Some people know… [Link]

+ 12 more! Join the discussion

when i was young i was frequently described as "moody." or dismissed as "angry." according to the social worker who routinely pulled me out of class i was intellectually bright but "quietly hostile." nevermind that i was basically living in squalor with a half-dead corpse, subsisting on the kind of cereal that comes in a five pound bag and whatever nutrient-rich meals were being served for free hot lunch; i was diagnosed as having "an attitude problem." so i rocked with that. when you're a kid it's sometimes just easier to go along with other people's definitions of who you are. they're adults, right? so they're smarter? i would listen to this faith no more tape on my walkman (DO YOUNG PEOPLE UNDERSTAND WHAT THOSE WORDS EVEN MEAN) over and over while sulking and looking morose or whatever it is poor kids get to do when we have no access to semiautomatic firearms or prescription drugs. it was the only thing i could do to make it to the next goddamned day.

no one in my house was talking about depression. that's something that happened to white people on television, not a thing that could take down a Strong Black Woman. which also fucked with me on the "why are you listening to smashing pumpkins instead of [insert name of popular early 90s r+b artist]? are you even black!?" level. siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. so i was 1 super fucking depressed 2 super fucking depressed with no one to talk to about it who wasn't going to immediately suggest child services remove me from my home and 3 super fucking depressed while clocking in on the low end of my skinfolk's negrometers because i identified hard with courtney love and read sassy magazine because essence wasn't really speaking to me yet so wasn't this whole thing yet another way i was desperately trying to be white?

i tried to take my own life in 1993 and the general response when it failed was basically LOL TOUGHEN UP.
first semester freshman report card:
english C
history C
gym D
band B+
algebra A (because kate lewis helped me do my homework i love you kate)
suicide F
i just slept straight through the rest of the weekend and went back to school the next monday and kept doing the same shit i'd always been doing and figured that if i wanted to try again i needed to wait until i was old enough to get a car and drive it off one of suburban chicago's many cliffs. i think my mom started watching me a little more closely? but what was she really going to do. she was severely disabled and my being hopeless all the time was trumped by "you know i can't walk, right?" and i get that. i was a kid, it was my job to go to school, so i did my job. i would deal with it when i was off medicare and making enough money to pay for therapy myself. BAHAHAHAHAHA *choke sob* AHAHAHAHAHA!

even when my fucking parents died five years later when i was eighteen, and i had an actual thing i could point to as a source of my unrelenting depression, a cause to substantiate the effect of my simmering hatred, i played it off. i don't know if it feels like this for anyone else, but i definitely come from the kind of people whose response to "hey man, i'm pretty bummed out" is "shut up, there's nothing wrong with you." or how about "you just sleep all of the time because you're lazy." like, if it isn't broken or hemorrhaging you need to bury it under these dollar store snack foods and work it out by your fucking self. OH OKAY COOL. so then i developed very glamorous coping mechanisms like covering myself with grisly death tattoos and eating food out of the trash. and then, because i wasn't actively trying to kill myself and could keep a job and make friends and pay my rent and not do heroin, i made peace with it. this is just how i am. I'M FINE. for as long as i can remember i've had this undercurrent of sadness that, if i'm being honest, i don't totally mind. it was easy to ignore because it doesn't bother me that much. and i don't want to be some shiny, happy idiot. this is gritty, this is real.

i am just an old garbage bag full of blood patiently waiting for death to rescue me, but sometimes when i tell people that their immediate response is HOW CAN YOU BE SAD YOU'RE HILARIOUS!!!!! and then for five seconds i'm like "this asshole who has never met me before is correct i'm so funny i should stop thinking life is a trash can." until five seconds after that some human roadkill yells at the grocery store bagger or pulls his scrotum out on the train and i get the insatiable urge to peel my skin off like the layers of an onion and jam my thumbs into my eye sockets while hoping that i'll just disappear down the garbage disposal of human existence straight into hell. then it's easy to just write the depression off as an irritation at the dummies i have to share the planet with. "i'm not depressed, dudes who ride unicycles in rush hour traffic are fucking idiots" or "nothing is wrong with me, the real problem is all these people mindlessly texting while their dogs shit in the middle of the gd sidewalk."

two things happened that forced me to finally have the "sometimes i have a disproportionately rage-filled response to otherwise harmless shit" talk with my doctor. 1 i was at work and the worst person in the world came in to buy dog food, the kind of person who asks an unending stream of questions that i as an unfamiliar customer service representative couldn't possibly answer as she emptied the entire contents of her handbag onto the counter in front of me. i hate that, the "please don't write a negative yelp review of this business" trap that requires i stand there trying to look engaged while this woman uses me as a sounding board for questions like, "is [redacted] going to eat three cans or maybe should i just get one?" she's not asking me, but she's not not asking me?  i mean, we're making eye contact but how in the fuck could i know!? and i have to wait there held hostage because one of these questions pouring like vomit from her toothless maw might be one i can actually answer. "can i really carry a seventeen pound bag up my stairs?" (well, not that one.) "i wonder if the dog really wants me to switch back to his old food." (yeah, not that one either.) i could feel the familiar rageheat start in my shoulders and claw its way slowly up my neck and into my jaw before finally scratching at the backs of my eyeballs. and as she kept rambling nonsensically to herself while pretending she needed my help for five minutes in real time i calmly raised my hands to my ears and used my forefingers to hold them closed and said, "you have to get the fuck out of here or i will destroy you." SO MUCH FOR THAT STELLAR YELP REVIEW.

then 2 i had the kind of anxiety attack that makes you feel like you’re going to die on the spot as i was standing next to stephanie’s car in the parking lot of a combination gas station and subway. i tossed my sandwich (tuna, plain, whole wheat because duh i’m a health nut) onto the passenger seat and pawed at my chest while trying to catch my breath. WHAT A DEPRESSING PLACE TO DIE, i thought. i assumed i was having a heart attack because i had been in line at subway behind three black people, each of whom had a long list of explicit, complicated instructions for the sandwich artist tasked with preparing six inches of squishy yoga mat bread to your uncle tony's exact specifications. “i want provolone cheese and cucumbers and spinach and lettuce and red onions and tomatoes, olives and banana peppers and giardiniera, i need the chipotle southwest sauce and the ranch, extra meat but i don’t want you to charge me for it, also let me get the green bell peppers and the herbs and spices, oil and vinegar too on the italian herbs and cheese bread, then i want you to toast that shit but don’t, like, toast it toast it. don't let my fucking lettuce wilt, man.” and yes his sandwich should be exactly as he fucking wants it but as an innocent bystander who never gets more than two toppings that shit is fucking nerve-wracking, please just let me get my plain scoops of tuna on wheat bread before i sweat through my clothes with anxiety over this transaction not turning out the way homeboy intended because most of those things don’t even go with meatballs but what the fuck do i know please god just let me leave. i went straight to the hospital, smelling like old-ass subway tuna fish.

when i have a panic attack my throat closes up like someone is wrapping their fingers around it and my chest hurts and i can't breathe and i am 100% certain i am going to die. i know when you feel it coming on you're supposed to relax and do your breathing exercises but it feels like if in that moment i lie down and close my eyes for even a second i will never open them again. and most of the time i'm down with that but this shit always happens when my sheets need changing or my garbage can is full of freezer-burned hot pockets i tried to salvage and i get even more stressed out at the thought of whomever finds my corpse discovering the last thing i googled was "shark tank bonus clips." not being able to deal with your life is humiliating. it makes you feel weak. and if you're african-american and female not only are you expected to be resilient enough to just take the hits and keep going, if you can't you're a black bitch with an attitude. *rolls eyes for sarcastic effect* you're not mentally ill, you're ghetto. sitting in that hospital bed with a 23-year-old dude who looked like he was playing doctor with his father's stethoscope looped around his neck i was so fucking embarrassed, ashamed to be talking to him about being so mad and so sad as he dumped a syringe full of ativan into my arm. letting rosa parks and harriet tubman down by talking about my silly little feelings.

all this might be easier if i could punch shit, but i'm not a punch shit person. i'm a sit in the dark in the bathroom with a package of sharp cheddar cheese slices person. except i don't even really eat cheese anymore. plus i can't fucking fight. if a bitch wanted to whoop my ass right now my only hope would be to challenge her to a sudoku battle or some shit. I'M SOFT, MAN. and i don't have any answers. the world is scary and terrible and motherfuckers out here don't want obamacare to fix a paper cut let alone offer some discounted mental health care, so what can we do. talk about it? stop being afraid of it? shut down dudes who want to dismiss us as fragile or crazy!? i went on lexapro but after three weeks stopped sleeping and fuck that. maybe it doesn't work that way for everyone but i'd rather be angry and well-rested than tired and happy. or "happy," i guess. i have generic klonopin and ativan and i learned how to do this 478 breathing technique that's supposed to switch your body from fight-or-flight to a passive response but come on, bro. seriously the only time it even occurs to me to do it is when i'm sweating and trying to dry swallow some of these benzos. if i ever have more than $37 in my pocket i'm going to open a school for girls with bad attitudes where we basically talk to therapists all day while wearing soft pants and occasionally taking a field trip to the nearest elote cart. and if that doesn't work i'll just tell some jokes. good thing i'm hilarious.

Over on our sister site, Ariel has dug up some amazing glittery boot finds. Like these clear and glittery beauties that are only $50! As Ariel said…

I picture a few Sock Dream socks under these babies, with their sparkly soles and… oh man. Do these count as rain boots, even?

Inspired by these, I decided to go down the rabbit hole of glitter boots. I feel like these could be great for a winter wedding (glitter peeking out from under your hem, as you stand in the snow!), but realistically they could just be great for anything. Let's lace up, and glitter out.

Head over to Offbeat Bride to fall, feet-first, down the glittery, shine-y, disco-y rabbit hole!

Recent Comments

• Erin: For reals, Margie. I did find some stuff on Amazon in size 11, kinda the same. clear smoky… [Link]
• Margie: *sees boots* *loves boots* *desperately wants boots* *hopes desperately that by some miracle they come in my… [Link]
• Ruth: 404 error on the link to the article. FYI [Link]

Join the discussion

I almost didn't watch this video my friend Stephanie shared today, but I'm still (STILL! Arg.) sick on the couch and kinda miserable and in need of distraction, so I did.

I expected it to just be a few moments of feel-good-fluff, but in the end it was more bittersweet than that - and now my eyes are all leaky, dangit.

Here, take a look:

This reminds me of how it feels to be a cosplay photographer, although since these students didn't set out to have their photos taken, it's really a more extreme - and more illuminating - look at how we take compliments.

For the most part it IS wonderful and sweet, but as the vid shows, far too often a spontaneous compliment will be met with suspicion, disbelief, and even out-right anger. (I actually started to fear for Shea at 1:40.)



I suppose we could talk about our society's impossible beauty standards, and how it's the inside that counts, anyway. We could say that our self-worth shouldn't be based on others' opinions, and that the "selfie epidemic" only reinforces a self-destructive form of narcissism. We can analyze and diagnose and point fingers - but really, who is that helping?

Maybe we should just remind each other we're beautiful.

In fact, while I'm at it, I want to say something. If it's weird just blame the cold meds:

You have certain abilities and passions and fabulous little quirks that no one else has. You have a wholly original perspective on the world. You can do and see and say things in ways that no one else on this planet ever can, and that makes you frickin' incredible. So please don't rob the world of you. Don't hide those things that make you different. Show the people around you how to be beautiful. Show them it's ok. 

And then show them Stargate:Atlantis, 'cuz that is some seriously underrated sci-fi goodness, right there.


Now I'm off to go cuddle with my Vicks vaporizer. Y'all be good to yourselves.

Updated polycule and character descriptions: http://kimchicuddles.com/characters

I know when you ask me a form of the following question, "So are you guys going to try to have kids right away?" you don't mean to offend me. However, a more appropriate question would be "So, are you guys going to have kids?"

There is a huge difference to these two statements: The first is an assumption. The second is a genuine question.

I understand that our society has instilled in you that when a couple gets married the next step in their life together is to try to procreate. I understand that my fiancé and I are in the minority when we declare, completely honestly and without any trace of shame, that we do not want children. But you need to understand that "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage" is not a universal statement.

I have not wanted children since I was a child myself. I do not like children. I do not like being in their company. I do not find them cute, or precious, or sweet, or any of the other adjectives that are generally associated with them. Instead, I find them tiresome and annoying. I do not know how to speak with them or play with them. I do not know how to come down to their level and it makes me uncomfortable to try.

Pregnancy and giving birth terrify me. I cannot help but think of a fetus as a parasite leaching off my body for survival. I have an extremely low tolerance for pain and would never willingly put myself through the agony of childbirth. I have a hard enough time making a dentist appointment.

I like my independence too much to be saddled with a child. I do not want the responsibility of taking care of another human being. I do not want to get up in the middle night to attend to a crying baby. I don't want to have to pack lunches and cook dinners for a child. And I certainly don't want to have to deal with an angst ridden teenager. I want to be able to perform in community theater whenever I am chosen for a role and not have to worry about my rehearsal schedule meshing with a child care schedule. I know myself well enough to know that I would become supremely resentful of a child if I had to give up hobbies I love in order to raise one.

I have medical issues that would make it difficult for me to be a good parent. I have chronic migraine headaches that render me barely capable of walking to the bathroom. There is no way I would be capable of caring for a child in that condition. I have Interstitial Cystitis and am on a low acid diet plus take a daily medication to control it. Enough havoc is wreaked on my bladder in its normal condition without adding a fetus sitting on it into the mix.

My fiance's reasons for not having children are not mine to delve into. Suffice it to say that while he likes children he does not feel the need to bring any of his own into a world and culture that are, in his view, in a downward spiral. On top of that the financial implications of seeing a child through from birth to college are just mind-boggling and quite frankly not something we can afford.

Your comments of "Oh, you'll change your mind" or "You haven't experienced love until you're a parent" or "Well, then why are you getting married?" are as ignorant as they are hurtful. No, I won't change my mind. It has been made up since I was about sixteen years old. Who are you to tell me if I have or have not experienced love? Why is the love between a parent and child any better than the love I feel for my fiance, or my parents, or my friends? Why does that fact that we're not having children make our marriage meaningless? We're getting married because we love each other and do not want to be without each other unless death or zombies intervene. We want to hang out with each other for the rest of our lives. We want to watch movies, and play with our cat, and go to shows, and do whatever the hell else we want.

Your other comment of "But, you won't have anybody when you're older" is also hurtful. Yes, I will most likely outlive my nine years older than me husband. No, I don't have nieces or nephews. But I have friends who are like-minded and don't want children. This comment also makes me wonder if that is actually a factor in some people's decision to have children. Are you really that selfish that you'll bring a new life into this world so that you have caretakers in your old age?

Again, I understand that we live in a world where marriage and children go hand in hand more often than not. I understand that we're in the minority. I also understand that you may not, and probably cannot, understand our choice. But please believe me. Do not fix me with a pitying gaze. Do not try to convince me otherwise. And do not tell me I will regret it. Do me the simple courtesy of treating me like an adult who has made a choice and is perfectly content.

Sincerely, Brink

Recent Comments

• Tribesmaid OnTheBrink!: Right!? The thought of having a child with the intent of them being a future caretaker NEVER crossed my… [Link]
• Renly: Great article, it was like reading my own thoughts! The sad thing is you shouldn't even have to give your… [Link]
• Tribesmaid OnTheBrink!: I have never understood the argument that NOT having children is selfish. Something about that argument just doesn't click… [Link]
• rings90: My 1st marriage was dealing with this constantly, it always amazed me because the youngest aunt had fertility issues, and… [Link]
• Tribesmaid OnTheBrink!: That is a great way to ask the question! It's not assuming you're going go have children and like… [Link]

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Hello, San Francisco!  I left my heart here and now I’m clinically dead.  I think that’s how the song goes.  Not sure.  Either way, I’m here today to see you, so will you come see me?  Please?

I’ll be at Books Inc. Opera Plaza at 7pm.

Next stop?  Corte Madera.

Click here for the rest of the tour info.

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For the past two years, I've been able to maintain romantic relationships with men outside my marriage, as I'm non-monogamous though my husband is monogamous. My husband and I were a month into trying to conceive when we I peed on that stick and got the great news that I was pregnant. We read all the articles and listened to our doctors who warned that it could be six months-to-a-year before pregnancy so I was genuinely surprised I got pregnant so quickly.

As we sat looking at the third positive pregnancy test, I excitedly and nervously thought about who we would tell first: parents, siblings, in-laws, and that fantastic man who I started dating.

Yup, I was so pleased when I had a wonderful first date with Jeremiah about four and a half weeks before finding out I was pregnant. We had different goals to start — he was a married non-monogamous father with a wife who was poly; while I leaned towards the polyamory end of the spectrum with a monogamous husband. Despite that difference, I believed that a lover/friends-with-benefits-type of relationship could meet my needs.

Dating him was a delight, and then I got pregnant. I debated and decided that being pregnant would not be a barrier to pursuing him as a lover, my husband concurred — but I wasn't sure if Jeremiah felt the same.

For a moment, I contemplated delaying telling Jeremiah until I absolutely had to — as in, when my belly started poking out. It had been some time since I found someone down-to-earth, emotionally stable, familiar with non-monogamy, cute, funny, and Black — like me. Why risk ruining things now when I might have a chance at a little fun, am I right? After all, we had only been on three dates — we might break up before I started showing for other reasons.

It was nerve-wracking, and, though I debated internally, I knew that I would tell him the next time we met. One of the foundations of any relationship — lust-based, love-based, or otherwise — should be complete honesty, and offering information so that any partners can make informed decisions. I would certainly want to know if situation was reverse.

Telling him was awkward as hell. I wanted to wait until the end of the date and let him sit on it for a few days, but mid-date when he asked, "What was new?" I couldn't just say lie and say, "Nothing." So I just spit it out.

I could see the gears turning as he pondered the news, and announced that it was good I didn't tell him towards the end of the date so that we could sit on the news together. He asked questions. He told me funny and real stories about his wife's labor, and the early months with his child. He teased me about changes to come. My eyes watered with laughter. While still nervous about what decision might be; I exhaled and relaxed and enjoyed him the rest of our date. He didn't share his internal thoughts but he decided that my pregnancy wouldn't be a barrier — not right now anyway.

Being in a non-traditional relationships can be trying at times and while I'm happy that Jeremiah decided he would continue to see me, I would have totally understood if he had decided otherwise. As my husband and I continue forward with our family and life, it will always be interesting to see how life's milestones are introduced into my non-traditional romantic relationships.

Oh but pregnancy and dating is totally not just a poly experience! How have you dealt with breaking the news of your bun in the oven with your dates?

Recent Comments

• Michelle: I'm glad to read this because there were many similarities with my situation. I actually had a great pregnancy because … [Link]
• Elaine: For my husband and I, our agreement is that while we're trying to get pregnant and I'm not on hormonal … [Link]
• Aileenymph: I want to wish you good luck! I was in a similar situation this summer. My husband and I had … [Link]
• Mel: Actually, non-monogamy is an umbrella term for anything that's not, well, monogamy. It might be emotionally involved or less so. … [Link]
• Arizo: For my family at least right now... In our poly contract my husband is the only one who would have … [Link]

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Wow, it's hard to believe it's been a year and a half since my post on wearing an "every day" corset!


That post generated a lot of interest at the time, so I thought I might do a little update for you guys. I'll include some shopping links, what I've learned since, and even a few of my favorite corset outfit selfies, just to give you an idea of how to wear one without looking like you came from a Ren Fair.

First up, yes, I still wear a corset regularly, averaging about a week to ten days of every month, for around 8-10 hours a day.  I try to put it on as soon as I feel the first tell-tale ache of impending uterine jerkiness, and it never fails to reduce (or eliminate almost entirely) my menstrual pain. Once or twice I've even staggered out of bed in the middle of the night to lace one on, the pain was so great, and was astounded to find a corset helps even when I'm in a full-on Cramp Fest O' Agony.


Beyond mere pain control, there are days when I just feel like wearing a corset. I can't explain why, but some days I crave the supportive swaddling of it, and - knock on wood - it doesn't cause my anxiety to spike anymore. (Initially there was a mild "trapped" feeling that triggered my agoraphobia.)

Some anxiety sufferers claim a corset feels like a comforting hug, and I'm *almost* to the point where I understand what they mean, but I've still never felt any calmer wearing one. More comfortable, yes, but calmer, no.

Of course corsets make you look better, shape-wise, but that's never been my motivation in wearing one. I wear it because it feels nice, and 95% of the time, the only ones who see me in these outfits are John and the cats.
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I’m a fanatic about gardening and have many tools — particularly for digging — as I have many large plants, shrubs, bamboo, large grasses, and giant clumps of day lilies which get moved around, or divided, or dug up to share with friends.

If one has plants like this, particularly those with significant root systems, digging can be a long and difficult task. Ten years ago a friend loaned me a special shovel to dig up some large plants, and I became an instant convert to something called the Bamboo Spade.

This uniquely designed tool allowed me to accomplish in a couple of minutes what might have previously taken an hour or more of sweaty, nasty work. The Bamboo Spade is an all-steel, 2-piece shovel which incorporates a very heavy cylindrical weight that moves up and down on the shaft, like a slide hammer. No conventional digging is actually required to do the job. You simply set the tip of the shovel down on the ground and then raise and smash the weight down a few times: it drives the shovel into the ground and through any roots.

After you do this several times around the circumference of the plant, the whole thing can be popped out of the ground and moved…all with minimal shock and damage to the plant.

If you would have told me when I started gardening that one day I would happily spend almost $200 on a shovel, I would have thought you were crazy. However this unique tool has been a bargain in terms of the many hours I have saved and the frustration I have avoided. And it has held up to all kinds of abuse with no signs of damage or failure.

I have used many tools (other shovels, axes, root saws, root choppers, pruners, loppers, SawzAll, and demolition bar) to try to accomplish this type of task, but none — individually or in combination — come close to the Bamboo Spade in terms of efficiency and ease.

This link has a nice photo sequence of the tool in action.

-- Gil Haselberger

Do you agree?  

Support Kimchi! Check out the shop! http://kimchicuddles.com/shop

Here are the things that have caught my eye this Halloween:

FOOD

Eyeball on a brownie created by Christine McConnell. She’s made a candy eye look so much more threatening than simple sugar. Also take a look a the other treats she created. And the house she decorated. And basically everything else she’s done, it’s stunning.

Prosciutto Wands at Martha Stewart. I first encountered these back in the summer but they instantly made me think of Halloween. Very simple and easy to interpret as ghastly when set on a darkly decorated table.

Bleeding Heart Cake (video) by Ann Reardon at How To Cook That. This is a recreation of a cake in a Taylor Swift video but this entirely edible construction for holding hidden goo until you cut into it deserves to be used for Halloween.

Halloween Witch Hat Surprise Cookies at It’s Always Autumn. Easy to make and very cute, bonus points for mixing some candy eyes in with the other treats inside.

NAILS

Creepy 3D Ghost Face tutorial from PiggieLuv (video). This uses gel polish built up in layers, creepy. Via this Halloween nail art round up at Brit+Co.

Halloween DIY Googly Eye Manicure at Design*Sponge. Silly and simple. If you’d like something even simpler take a look at the VandalEyes nail stickers at Espionage Cosmetics, both types glow in the dark!

GAMES

Dark Echo. You can’t see the monsters but you can hear them. I played a demo of this at PAX this year and even standing in a large room filled with people I was frightened when I would finally encounter something that was stalking me. (Mobile on the App Store, Google Play, Amazon Apps and on Steam.)

Spider: Rite of the Shrouded Moon. This is the second Spider game and this one is larger and tells a much darker story. You maneuver a spider around an estate and it’s grounds and find clues as you explore. If spiders freak you out you can play as a tiny walrus instead, which is hilarious. (Available in the App Store, Google Play, Humble Store and Steam, later for Vita and PS4.)

LISTEN TO

All In Your Head at the 99% Invisible podcast. They detail how the sound designer behind the television show Hannibal made sounds that make us uneasy.

Caitlin Doughty of Ask A Mortician on the Explain Things To Me podcast. A great interview on how she got started in the death business, how embalming became common and what she wants done with her body when she dies. Also listen: Another interview on the Nerdette podcast.

Charles Manson’s Hollywood, a twelve part series on the You Must Remember This podcast. Karina Longworth follows the series of events and the who, how and what sort of society of the time led to the Manson murders. There is meticulous research and in depth stories of the people surrounding Manson’s time in LA. It’s worth looking at the webpage for each episode to see photographs from the time.

Two Halloween playlists for your party needs: at Oh Happy Day and the Marloween 2015 at The Amber Show.

QUESTION FOR YOU

Has anybody tried those lace temporary tattoo masks? Do they stay on for the duration of an evening? I want to try out the various temporary tattoos that are out for Halloween (zombie bites, spiders, masks) but I’m afraid they would flake away after only an hour or so.

drawings on storenvy

Polly,

I've been dating a very good man for the last six months. He's kind and brilliant and funny, and fairly communicative, truly honest, and loyal, we have all the right life goals in common and he generally shows the fuck up (in both the literal and metaphysical senses). I really...More »

Podcasts are on a roll. Diversity and quality keep expanding. New ones pop up every day. But there are precious few comprehensive guides to locating the best podcasts out of the tens of thousands available. It is extremely difficult to find impartial, independently verified measures of audience size for podcasts. They either don’t exist or don’t circulate. Different proxies for audience size have no consensus. And, of course, audience size is not everything.

We made a list of the best factual podcasts by ranking the most popular factual podcasts from the results of an unscientific survey we posted online several months ago. We asked readers of this Cool Tools blog and our social followers to take our survey and rate some suggested podcasts — and to add ones we did not know about. More than 1,600 people filled out the survey, and by the end we had a list of 775 suggested titles. We combined the number of times a podcast was checked together with its average rating to come up with a total score. We then sorted the final list of podcast titles by rank. (The full data dump is here.) We wrote descriptions for the top 50, shown below. (The rankings in this list are biased to our original suggestion list; we’d do the survey differently if we did it again next year.)

There are two broad types of factual podcasts; unscripted and scripted. Unscripted shows are usually interviews or discussions that play out as recorded. The producers don’t know, nor have much control, over where the show goes. Scripted shows, on the other hand, will carefully edit interviews after the fact, mixing them with narration, inter-splicing them with other interviews, maybe adding a soundtrack or ambient sounds. They craft the raw factual materials into a highly produced show in the way a reporter might craft a magazine article, rather than just run a Q&A. Scripted shows, on average, take much more energy, time, staff (and money) to make than unscripted shows (with some exceptions). It is no surprise that the highest ranked podcasts are scripted.

Our list follows this format to give you some clue of what you’ll get if you subscribe via the link provided: Popularity rank and title. Scripted or unscripted. Name of host, typical show length, and average episode frequency. This last one is a little squishy because broadcast frequency is often irregular, or a show runs for an ill-defined “season” or sometimes it appears “whenever.” Last in each item is a description written by us about why it might be worth your while.

Disclosure: The two of us have appeared as a guest on many of the unscripted shows listed here. We also run two of the top 50 podcasts as indicated by our survey. And we are friends with principals of some of the other shows. This fact may have distorted readers’ opinion. Importantly we are regular listeners of about 3/4 of the top 50 and we speak from personal experience when writing their descriptions. However, we don’t have direct experience with about 1/4 of the podcasts mentioned here; those descriptions are compiled from comments made by survey takers, from the shows’ producers, and reviews online. Maybe by next year we’ll have listened to these recommended ones and can say something first-hand about them as well.

If we have overlooked your favorite factual podcast, tell us about it in the comments.

— Kevin Kelly and Mark Frauenfelder

1.

This American Life

Scripted, Ira Glass,
1 hr, Weekly
Mostly true short stories, presented in an audio documentary style. Each segment is superbly crafted with a satisfying emotional arc. A common subtext of a typical story is transformation. Four stories form a rough theme each week, but subjects range widely and unexpectedly. This podcast is consistently top notch and creative, and after decades on the air it is still the gold standard for scripted shows. Their archive is a national treasure that will fill your days.

2.

Radiolab

Scripted, Jad Abumrad and Robert Krulwich,
30 min-1 hr, About 2 per month
Two hosts investigate big scientific questions in an experimental audio style — the “lab” part. Such as: what is time? What is space? Shows are often structured as a debate between the hosts, as they produce sonic evidence (and an original soundtrack for each episode) to keep you changing your mind. Just the way science is suppose to work. There’s a deliberate informality that makes the process of producing the show transparent, all of which keeps it innovative and surprising. Each show also tries to redefine what a podcast can be by mutating the current form. Surprise is certain.

3.

Serial

Scripted, Sarah Koenig,
30 min-1 hr, About 10 a year
The first season of this amazing long-from audio saga (about 10 hours) follows an investigative journalist who dives deep into an old high school murder case. No detail is left unexamined. The thrill is the complete immersion into someone else’s world and the mystery of what happens next. Upcoming seasons promise to apply the same full-court investigations to other subjects.

4.

99% Invisible

Scripted, Roman Mars,
15-30 min, Weekly
Take the boring background things that fill 99% of our lives, all the stuff we never think about — airport carpeting, hold music on telephones, railway tunnels — and really look at them closely. Where did they come from, who made them, and what were they trying to do? Each of these “invisible” objects or systems holds a fabulous story about the people behind them, and their accounts can delivery remarkable insight about how this built world actually works. This is probably the only podcast dedicated to infrastructure, yet it’s the least boring podcast ever.

5.

WTF with Marc Maron

Unscripted, Marc Maron,
60–120 min, Twice-weekly
Standup comedian Marc Maron invites the very famous (President Obama, Mick Jagger) and marginally-famous (cartoonist Drew Friedman, drummer and psychologist Steve Dansiger) into his cat-filled garage where he has a long conversation with them. Maron’s gift of self-deprecation, broad knowledge of popular culture, and appealing nebbishness opens his guests up, allowing them to feel comfortable enough to reveal things they wouldn’t share on late night talk shows.

6.

Invisibilia

Scripted, Lulu Miller and Alix Spiegel,
1 hr, 6-episode Pilot Run
All the things we thought we understood about our inner selves are probably wrong. This show explores new notions about our interior landscape. Each show is a tightly-crafted capsule of audio perfection. While they deal in abstract ideas, the stories are about real people, real lives.

7.

The Memory Palace

Scripted, Nate DiMeo,
5-15 min, Monthly
DiMeo tells true stories about forgotten things that happened in history, with musical accompaniment. Like a modern-day Paul Harvey’s “The Rest of the Story.”

8.

Reply All

Scripted, PJ Vogt and Alex Goldman,
30 min, Weekly
A sort of a This American Life focused on the internet and all its fast moving frontiers. Rather than report on the latest news, it quickly delves into the lives of the people who are out of the news. Not CEOs or digital celebrities, but the people who work at the support desk, or who are the last to sign up for something, or who are hacking the systems, or who are toiling in online obscurity. This podcast airs the humanity of the internet, good and bad.

9.

Mystery Show

Scripted, Starlee Kine,
30 min-1 hr, About 2 per month
A trivial mystery that is important to only one person and that could only be solved by a lot of detective work becomes an excuse for host Starlee Kine to uncover the stories of people unlike you. The only point in answering these unimportant questions (one per episode) is to encounter parts of the universe that your own rational and efficient lives would have no hope of intersecting. On this show the journey to the answer is far more entertaining than the answer, and the answer is always far more interesting than you could have imagined.

10.

Snap Judgment

Scripted, Glynn Washington,
1 hr, Weekly
Like This American Life, Snap Judgment has 3-5 stories exploring a single theme in each highly-produced episode. The Atlantic calls it a “fast-paced, music-heavy, ethnically variegated take on the public-radio story hour.”

11.

StartUp

Scripted, Alex Blumberg and Lisa Chow,
30 min, About 2 per month
Frontiers are swathed in myths and misperceptions. This podcast illuminates the current fashionable frontier of startups, and it hopes to rid this territory of its riddles. The crew follows a few startups as they start up, tracking the novice founders in cringe-worthy closeness as they take each step forward and two steps backward. The company producing this podcast is itself one of the startups they track, making it very meta, but because they provide access to the innermost dynamics of launching a real company, this mirroring makes the reports riveting in their clarity. Overall they capture a lot of drama, which makes for great listening. It’s also indispensable if you have any romantic ideas of doing a start up.

12.

You Are Not So Smart

Scripted, David McRaney,
30-90 min, About 2 per month
David McRaney explores a different type cognitive bias or quirk (e.g., procrastination, learned helplessness, confirmation bias) in each episode through a combination of examples in the news, excerpts from movies and books, and interviews with psychology researchers.

13.

Song Exploder

Unscripted, Hrishikesh Hirway,
15 min, About 3 per month
In each episode, one popular song is dissected. The artist/composer steps through the song bit by bit explaining what they were thinking as they wrote it. Often they will play alternative sounds they tried that didn’t work. The artist will play and annotate the separate tracks, commenting on the logic and methods to create each track. The anatomy of the song is revealed in its pieces. Then the final song is played in full. It’s a mini audio version of a “making of” that works perfectly for one song.

14.

The Tim Ferriss Show

Unscripted, Tim Ferriss,
30-160 min, Twice-weekly
The distinctive superpower of Tim Ferriss is his ability to learn how to learn. He takes the skills you wish you knew — how to invest, how to grow physically strong, how to learn a language — and shows you how to methodically acquire that skill. To help that goal along, in this podcast he interrogates “world class experts” in a wide range of skills, to shake out their tricks and methods. These aren’t lazy shoot-the-bull interviews; rather Tim is zeroing in and asking for the very specifics you would if you were present: how exactly do you do this? Tell me step by step. The resulting “tutorial interviews” are unique in the podcast world.

15.

In Our Times

Unscripted, Melvyn Bragg,
45 min, Weekly
Each week three British professors who are experts in an esoteric field are led by the host to unpack their obscure passion and make it as plain as possible. The more esoteric the subject the better the show. Subjects like: The Siege of Constantinople. Gravity Waves. Occam’s Razor. Icelandic Sagas. Chivalry. The Talmud. Turns out that by narrowing the focus you can get to the bottom of things, and at the bottom almost anything is fascinating. Better than a bland Wikipedia entry, this podcast host defies the stereotype of a English don, at least one of the professors each week is is female.

16.

The Infinite Monkey Cage

Unscripted, Brian Cox and Robin Ince,
30-45 min, Weekly
“Has the loose format of a lighthearted round table, with topics like parallel universes, neurology and probability and chance. Each episode features practicing scientists and curious outsiders, often comedians with some science background.” – New York Times

17.

The Joe Rogan Experience

Unscripted, Joe Rogan, 2-3 hr,
10-14 episodes per month
Comedian Joe Rogan runs long conversations with other comedians and mini-celebrities that go on for several hours. In many respects the show resembles core talk radio without FCC oversight. Rogan will talk about anything, say anything, no topic is off limits. You get a lot of Joe. The show works if you like his sense of humor and exploratory instincts.

18.

Still Untitled: The Adam Savage Project

Unscripted, Adam Savage, Norman Chan and Will Smith,
30 min, Weekly
Experiential nerdiness. Mythbuster co-host and two buddies discuss making things, blowing things up, hollywood special effects, tools, props, science fiction and other nerdy subjects. Savage is encyclopedic in his experiences, and is continually trying new things. In his podcast he regales tales from his newest exploits (flying in a fighter jet, riding in a submarine, shooting a bazooka, etc.) and also offers practical advice he’s gained, for instance how to drive fast, or use a chainsaw.

19.

Love + Radio

Scripted, Nick van der Kolk,
30 min, About 2 per month
Unconventional true life stories with an edge. The stories are often more ambiguous and open-ended and racier than say the typical This American Life story, and may earn an “Explicit” tag. At the heart of the show is a fascination with complicated relationships and complex characters.

20.

Cool Tools Show

Unscripted. Mark and Kevin,
30 minutes, Weekly
We interview one guest per episode who raves about four tools they love. We let them gush about each tool, while we try to hone in on why listeners might want to use it. Show notes at the end make it easy to track the tools down later.

21.

Here’s the Thing with Alec Baldwin

Unscripted, Alec Baldwin,
30 min-1 hr, Bi-Weekly
Actor Alec Baldwin is an unexpectedly brilliant interviewer. No neutral host he. Baldwin wields his own large personality as a lever to uncover genuine insights from guests who otherwise are polished and guarded. He gets people to say things they have not said before.

22.

Benjamen Walker’s Theory of Everything

Scripted, Benjamen Walker,
30 min, Weekly
Like Paul Krassner’s Realist newsletter, Benjamen Walker reports on stories that are sometimes true, and sometimes fictional as a way to get to the heart of the theme of that week’s episode. Walker’s trembling voice and choice of music have a hypnotic effect.

23.

Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History

Scripted, Dan Carlin,
90 min-4 hr, About 4 per year
“Dan Carlin takes his ‘Martian,’ outside-the-box way of thinking and applies it to the past. Was Alexander the Great as bad a person as Adolf Hitler? What would Apaches with modern weapons be like? Will our modern civilization ever fall like civilizations from past eras? This is a difficult-to-classify show that has a rather sharp edge. It’s not for everyone. But the innovative style and approach has made ‘Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History’ a New Media hit.” – iTunes

24.

Fresh Air

Unscripted, Terry Gross,
45 min, Weekly
Easily the best interviewer in America, Terry Gross has an uncanny ability to ask the right questions and to listen at the right moment in order to get people to be genuine and authentic and tell you something you didn’t know.

25.

Freakonomics Radio

Scripted, Stephen J. Dubner,
30 min-1 hr, Weekly
“Inspired by the books of the same name, Freakonomics Radio is hosted by Stephen Dubner, with co-author Steve Levitt. An award-winning podcast exploring “the hidden side of everything”. From the economy, headline news to pop culture.” – Stitcher

26.

Planet Money

Scripted, Adam Davidson, David Kestenbaum and others,
15 min, Twice-weekly
“Helping you make sense of our rapidly changing global economy. NPR’s Planet Money highlights high rollers, brainy economists and financial experts to keep you up to date on the fiscal world.” – Stitcher

27.

The Truth

Scripted, Jonathan Mitchell,
15-30 min, Every two weeks
“Movies for your ears. Short stories that are sometimes dark, sometimes funny, and always intriguing. Every story is different, but they all take you to unexpected places using only sound. If you’re new, some good starting places are: Silvia’s Blood, That’s Democracy, Moon Graffiti, Tape Delay, or whatever’s most recent. Listening with headphones is encouraged.” – iTunes

28.

Gweek

Unscripted, Mark Frauenfelder,
15-60 min, weekly
Currently on hiatus this year, Gweek is a long-running podcast that featured Mark Frauenfelder, together with a regular guest, interviewing artists and authors who create games, comics, science fiction, toys, apps, tools, and other lighthearted geeky stuff. Mark, the co-founder of Boing Boing, and editor of Cool Tools, sees it as his job to discover new and nifty things.

29.

New Yorker: Out Loud

Unscripted, Amelia Lester,
15-30 min, Weekly
Each week one factual article from the magazine is given an in-depth treatment. The article’s writer will be interviewed by the whip-smart editors at the New Yorker. In the process the discussion will summarize the best parts of the piece and provide an inside look at its origins. This can be as good as or even better than reading the article.

30.

Design Matters With Debbie Millman

Unscripted, Debbie Millman,
30 min, Weekly
“A podcast about design and the broader world of creative culture through wide-ranging conversations with designers, writers, artists, curators, musicians, and other luminaries of contemporary thought.” – Design Matters

31.

The James Altucher Show

Unscripted, James Altucher,
30-90 min, Twice-weekly
A really interesting person interviews other really interesting people.

32.

Bulletproof Radio

Unscripted, Dave Asprey,
1 hr, Twice-weekly
A far-out, self-styled bio-hacker who claims to have cured his obesity and Asperger’s by eating yak meat, buttered coffee, and a high-calorie, high-fat diet invites other far-out people from the world of health, diet, and psychology to share their ideas for optimal living.

33.

a16z

Unscripted, Chris Dixon and others,
15-30 min, 10 per month
Some of the smartest reporting in tech today does not come from magazines but from the offices of investors. They view from a high mega-level with a five-year horizon. This podcast comes from a16z, a VC firm that also produces steady blog posts. Here they interview a range of agents, such as CEOs, analysts, founders, journalists, and other investors. The topics are current trends in the high tech world.

34.

The Ihnatko Almanac

Unscripted, Andy Ihnatko and Dan Benjamin,
60-90 min, Weekly
Tech journalist Andy Ihnatko delivers extemporaneous and knowledgeable soliloquies about comic books, movies, technology, photography, and dozens of other topics. Like a very nerdy Roger Ebert. Co-host Dan Benjamin hardly gets a word in, but he’s there just to wind up Ihnatko and let him go.

35.

Latest in Paleo

Scripted, Angelo Coppola,
60-120 min, Weekly
Angelo Coppola takes a look at the latest news in health and diet, and provides perspective from a paleo point of view. In recent years Coppola has veered from a high-fat, high-protein “classic” paleo diet and is now closer to a being vegan who supplements his diet with a small amount of high-quality protein.

36.

Little Atoms

Unscripted, Neil Denny,
60-90 min, Weekly
A UK-based show dwelling on ideas, science and culture. Neil Denny interviews scientists, thinkers, scholars and writers. Casual, but he often interviews interesting people not usually heard from.

37.

Science… sort of

Unscripted, Patrick Wheatley, Ryan Haupt and others,
60-90 min, About 2 per month
Sitting around beers, a bunch of working scientists chat about science. They often take a breaking science story in the news and will read and discuss the actual scientific paper behind the headlines. That’s a powerful way to learn science and journalism at once.

38.

Open Source with Christopher Lydon

Unscripted, Christopher Lydon,
30-60 min, Weekly
Lydon often roams the world talking to notable people in other cultures who are totally off the radar in America. It’s really one guy with passport and a microphone. He’s incredibly smart, well-read, interested, and eager to disrupt old tired notions. His nimble mind seeks out other nimble minds around the world and he broadcasts what he learns.

39.

Transom Podcast

Scripted, Jay Allison,
5 min-1 hr, 3-5 per year
Each episode is one highly crafted story, often in a slightly experimental format. There is no theme, other than a story well-told.

40.

This is Actually Happening

Scripted, First-hand accounts,
30 min, About 2 per month
People who have undergone distressing experiences describe them. We do not hear the interviewer, only the person telling their story. The background music is a low-toned drone that adds to the sense of dread. In one episode a woman recounts the time that both of her husbands drowned on the same day (she is polyamorous). In another episode, a man describes seeing a ghost in a friend’s living room and the negative effect it has had on his life ever since. if you feel unlucky, this podcast will make you feel lucky, or at least not alone.

41.

Smart Drug Smarts

Scripted, Jesse Lawler,
30 min, Weekly
So-called smart drugs are chemicals believed by some people to improve mental performance. In this podcast, Jesse Lawler interviews doctors, pharmacists, and self-experimenters about the effects (or lack of effects) of different smart drugs, recreational drugs, electrical brain stimulation, research chemicals, psychedelics, and prescription drugs.

42.

The Moth

Scripted, First-hand accounts,
30-60 min, Weekly
Short stories narrated by ordinary people in their own voice in front of a live audience. The stories are true, first-person, and completely unexpected. They are selected from local storytelling events in about 30 cities around the world. Each story is a high quality, small journey.

43.

Revolutions

Scripted, Mike Duncan,
30 min, Weekly
Roman history geek Mike Duncan explores a dozen other historical revolutions which he explores in deep nerdy detail. He’ll devote 50 episodes to one revolution.

44.

Common Sense with Dan Carlin

Unscripted, Dan Carlin,
45-120 min, About 2 per month
The popular maverick historian, Dan Carlin, takes his unorthodox questions and applies them to current events. He’ll take a contemporary issue and pick it apart by questioning everything. It will make you think.

45.

Futility Closet

Scripted, Greg Ross,
30 min, Weekly
This is like “News of the Weird” for things that happened decades or centuries ago. Ross is a former science magazine editor and spends his days poring over old books in university libraries to find forgotten stories about things like a failed atheist commune in the 19th century, a slave who was mailed to a free state in the north, a WWII Japanese soldier who crash landed on an Hawaiian island, and a “rainmaker” who was hired by San Diego to end a four-year drought in 1915 (probably by coincidence, after he used 23 secret chemicals, “the skies opened and torrential rains caused some of the most extreme flooding in the city’s history”).

46.

Life of Caesar

Unscripted, Cameron Reilly and Ray Harris Jr.,
1hr-3hr, Weekly
Yes, a podcast dedicated to telling the biography of Augustus Caesar. The two bro’ hosts chit-chat their way through Caesar’s story.

47.

Stuff You Should Know

Unscripted, Josh Clark and Charles W. “Chuck” Bryant,
20-60 min, Twice-weekly
The folks from How Things Work do an audio version. Two hosts discuss esoteric topics like “How wine fraud works” or “How lobbying works” “How female puberty works,” etc.

48.

The Skeptics’ Guide to the Universe

Unscripted, Dr. Steven Novella,
80 min, Weekly
Four or so skeptics sit around and discuss the week’s news from a skeptic (rational and scientific) perspective.

49.

On the Media

Scripted, Brooke Gladstone and Bob Garfield,
60 min, Weekly
Very polished newscast (recycled from public radio) about media matters. It’s meta-media.

50.

Criminal

Scripted, Phoebe Judge,
20 min, About 2 per month
As their website says “Stories of people who’ve done wrong, been wronged, or gotten caught somewhere in the middle.” Broad, not just true crime, but also about the justice system, the prison system, or legal gray areas.

Image: Tim Wilson from Blaine, MN, USA, licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.

Several conventions ago I noticed some new fan art sweeping Artists' Alley.


After seeing the same colorful characters at booth after booth, I finally asked what they were from.



I figured the show must be a new anime or Adventure Time style cartoon, which, tbh, I could never get in to. Still, the sheer amount of great art wore me down, so eventually I went to Youtube to see what all the fuss was about.

Now, Youtube is a terrible place to watch Steven Universe. Most uploaders shrink the actual video portion to a fraction of the screen size - I guess to avoid getting shut down? - and some even slow the audio down just a fraction, so everyone sounds like they have a cold. Other uploaders put a dark vignette around the screen, so it feels like you're looking down a tunnel. And on top of all that, odds are the channel that has SU episodes today will be gone tomorrow.

We don't have cable, though (SU airs on Cartoon Network), and at the time I didn't know of anywhere else to watch the show for free. (The official Youtube channel charges $2 per 10 minute episode. Yowtch.) So I gritted my teeth and put up with the tiny, dimly-lit, bad audio versions.

And you know what? Within a few episodes, I was hooked.

After a dozen, I was in love.

Now, there are some truly spectacular twists in the main plotline of SU, so I'm going to keep this review as spoiler-free as I possibly can.

In a nutshell, Steven Universe is about three alien women - the Crystal Gems -  charged with both protecting the Earth and raising Steven, a half-human, half-Gem boy. Steven himself is a chubby, irresistibly sweet little kid who serves as the glue holding their odd little family together.

Each episode is only around 11 minutes long, so it's easy to zip through a half dozen or so, which is about what you need to get a good feel for the show. Some episodes are a lot more light and silly, while others pack a big emotional punch. Through them all, though, there are good laughs, surprisingly catchy musical numbers, and excellent story-telling.


The Gems in particular are beautifully written, each with her own distinct personality, strengths, and flaws. Pearl is the most "mom-like," Amethyst is the jokester/rebel, and Garnet is the strong, silent type with the cool accent. As the show goes on, you get more snippets of their history, including their relationships with each other and with Steven's mother (who was a Gem) and father, Greg. You also learn some Gem secrets I won't spoil here, even though most are somewhat common knowledge. It's just more fun if you can go into the show blind, and be surprised.

Beach City, where the Gems live, also has a host of quirky side characters, though to be honest, my least favorite episodes tend to feature the townsfolk there. The two exceptions are Steven's friend Connie, whose episode "Sworn to the Sword" still makes me cry happy, triumphant tears just thinking about it, and the donut shop duo Lars and Sadie. Other than those three, though, the best episodes keep the focus on Steven, his parents, and the Gems.

Without going into spoilers, I will say there's a fascinating aspect to the Gems' existence that may lead to some... interesting... conversations for you parents with younger kids. I'll give a more spoiler-y explanation at the bottom of this post, in case you'd like to know more.

Steven Universe is still in its second season, but there are over 70 aired episodes so far - so plenty to get your binge-watching on.

So, where do you watch it? Well, Cartoon Network airs the new episodes, and thanks to some fellow SU fans I *just* found a better place to watch online - although you're going to need your AdBlock enabled. (Without AdBlock, my browser kept locking up.)

It's a blog called The World Of Steven Universe, and all the episodes are embedded videos, so you just click "play" - no scary download links or sketchiness. Here's the link to the first episode, and they also have all the rest in full screen HD, which is incredible. In fact, I'm going to be re-watching all the episodes there now - and I'm hoping to convince John to watch some with me.

[UPDATE: I've also been told Hulu has all of season 1, so yay for more streaming options!]

Oh, and if you're like me, you may also find yourself going back to re-play a lot of the songs. Like I said: really catchy. Most of my favorites are major story spoilers, but here's a quick one that's pretty harmless, plot-wise:

Any two Gems can "fuse" together to form a stronger Gem - one that looks like a larger mash-up of the original two characters. They often do this for battles. What makes Gem Fusion so fascinating - in addition to all the super cool character combinations - is the undeniably sexual context given to it. While there's nothing remotely explicit, the overall subtext is one of intimacy and gravity; fusion is never entered into lightly. This leads to some surprisingly heavy (and also delightful) plot lines, which, again, I don't want to spoil for you, so just go watch!

The offbeat occupant: Adrienne — jewelry maker, blogger, supervisor at a courier company, mom, student

Other occupants: husband Rob, daughter Chloe, Doug the Pug, Luna the Lab, pot bellied pigs Clem and Tubs

Approximate square footage: 1000-2000 sq. feet

How many bedrooms? 3

Lives in: Everson, Washington USA

When did you move into this home? 6 years ago

Let's start with the neighborhood. What's it like where you live? Our family are our neighbors. There are over a hundred acres owned by my husband's family, and we can visit each other by taking a walk through the woods or across the orchard.

What makes your home offbeat? I immigrated to the US from Canada when my husband and I got married six years ago. We live on his family farm with an array of animals ranging from cats and dogs to horses, goats, and pot bellied pigs. The rest of the family lives on the same property but in different houses. The barn and orchard are in the middle for us all to enjoy.

What's the most challenging about this space? How do you deal with the challenge? Everything in the house is old, outdated, or run down. We've spent a lot of time updating the house to fit our style and fix it up.

What's your favorite feature of your home? I am very proud of the mural I drew in the hallway. I used sharpie markers and it took many, many hours to draw all those trees!

We have a lot of natural light in the living room and kitchen. I love that we're out in the countryside. It's quiet and peaceful out on the farm.

What's the most important lesson you've learned from this home? Get creative and make the most of what you've got. Our house was an ugly '80s style with lots of fake wood when we moved in, but after a lot of elbow grease, I now love my home.

What's your grandest plan for the space? I'm working on the garden and planning to build a small shed on the property to use as my jewelry making studio.

What advice do you have for other offbeat homies? Be fearless and get creative! If you don't like it, you can always paint over it!

Any stuff or services you want to recommend?
* My jewelry shop on Etsy: Crafty Little Gnome

Recent Comments

• Adrienne @ craftylittlegnome: haha! We aren't all rednecks out here. Well... maybe we are a little bit! Greetings to you, my Whatcom friends! [Link]
• Alanna: I agree with this entire comment. Yup and yup. [Link]
• Jennifer: It's nice to see another Whatcom County local on Offbeat Home! (My husband is Canadian too, and we live in … [Link]
• Ange: So inspiring! A beautiful place, inside and outside. So much character and creativity. Thanks for sharing :-) [Link]
• Megan Finley: I agree! Show us your digs: http://offbeathome.com/submissions/home [Link]

+ 15 more! Join the discussion

In a press release shared earlier today, adult entertainment site Pornhub (exactly what it says on the tin) announced a new service that it hopes will cut down on the amount of red tape that victims of revenge porn have to contend with.

Previously, revenge porn takedown requests could only be filed with the site (which sees 60 million visitors a day) via email. Now, the company is introducing a submission form (see a NSFW link here or the screenshot above) that it describes as a “preemptive strike” against revenge pornographers.

Pornhub vice president Corey Price said in an email to The Verge,

It is vital that we continue to make our community feel safe. We want all Pornhub users to know that this new reporting process is for their security and peace of mind first and foremost.

[…] Being a revenge porn victim is embarrassing enough as it is. We would rather not make the reporting process equally awkward, or make people feel apprehensive about approaching us to begin with.

Unlike other major adult entertainment sites, Pornhub does not require victims to submit a government-issued ID along with their request. But as vice president of the Civil Cyber Rights Initiative Mary Anne Franks explained to The Verge, it’s a stretch to call the new form a “preemptive strike.” Franks suggests Pornhub add reminders throughout the site informing users that content uploaded without the consent of all parties is illegal, and make the submission form itself more SFW:

If Pornhub or any other site or platform featuring adult content really wants to launch a ‘preemptive strike’ … against nonconsensual pornography, they should be focusing on truly preemptive measures, not after-the-fact procedures.

Thoughts?

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In an essay written for Lena Dunham’s “Lenny Letter” newsletter, Jennifer Lawrence shared her thoughts and reactions on finding out she made drastically less than her male co-stars on American Hustle. She highlights the ridiculous double standard that women face in all industries when it comes to negotiating salary and voicing their opinions to male coworkers.

When it comes to the unwillingness to negotiate her salary for the Oscar-nominated film, she wrote:

I would be lying if I didn’t say there was an element of wanting to be liked that influenced my decision to close the deal without a real fight. I didn’t want to seem “difficult” or “spoiled.” At the time, that seemed like a fine idea, until I saw the payroll on the Internet and realized every man I was working with definitely didn’t worry about being “difficult” or “spoiled.”

Here, she touches on a problem endemic amongst women in, well, any industry. Many of us are conditioned to try to get people to like us, especially at work, so when it comes to matters of money and speaking up, there’s this worry about seeming “difficult” or “spoiled.” In Hollywood, those words can taint an actress’ entire career–just look at how quickly tabloid mags and the media hop on women who they deem “out of line.”

Lawrence also shared a story about what it was like to share her opinion with a male coworker (well, someone who works for her to be exact):

A few weeks ago at work, I spoke my mind and gave my opinion in a clear and no-bullshit way; no aggression, just blunt. The man I was working with (actually, he was working for me) said, “Whoa! We’re all on the same team here!” As if I was yelling at him.

I was so shocked because nothing that I said was personal, offensive, or, to be honest, wrong. All I hear and see all day are men speaking their opinions, and I give mine in the same exact manner, and you would have thought I had said something offensive.

Think about it: has this ever happened to you? Why do women get shit for sharing their opinions when men are commended and raised up for speaking in a similar manner? There’s a very real double standard that exists in all industries around women defending their opinions and salaries. Lawrence’s example just happens to be a high-profile one with a lot of zeroes attached.

But make no mistake: what’s happening to her happens to a lot of us every day. Maybe it’s high time we took her stance on it:

I’m over trying to find the “adorable” way to state my opinion and still be likable! Fuck that.

Fuck that, indeed.

(via Entertainment Weekly)

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In this weekend’s edition of Inner Vision, how to purge your Gmail inbox, properly fold a fitted sheet, and buy the best shaving brush.

Let's dim the lights and get a little up-close and personal with these sexy vintage retro industrial lights from our sponsor ParrotUncle. ParrotUncle offers a huge and creative selection of home lightings. I'm talking from vintage Tiffany-style lightings to contemporary styles like these bad boys…

How cool are these pendant lights that combine faux candles and geometric shapes. I especially love the way these look in an modern kitchen setting like the one above. Speaking of geometric shapes, I'm super in love with these pendant lights. (And they're only $57 — me want!)

If you're looking for lighting that makes a giant statement without taking a giant hit on your wallet, ParrotUncle is now your go-to. Most everything on the site is listed at discounted prices. But your wallet is about to get happier, just as your room is about to get brighter, because this section has 20% off of all lighting, and even 30% off on selected lines — check 'em out.

Among their high quality, yet reasonably-priced, but also super-rad lighting, ParrotUncle has amazing customer experience — including expert advice and support throughout your project. Speaking of your project, shouldn't you be shopping for the perfect lighting for your space? I thought so… find more info and find your favorite light fixture over here.

As always, thanks to ParrotUncle for sponsoring Offbeat Home & Life. It's because of sponsors like them that we can keep running!

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I’m having an interesting discussion about whether or not it’s even possible for hierarchal poly relationships to fit into the category of ETHICAL non-monogamy.  I’m curious to hear what you think…

It was probably about 6:30 a.m. on July 6th when I saw my first Halloween advertisement. Sleep deprived and running on little more than birthday cake and adrenaline, my wife and I came to the horrifying realization that there was NO MILK for coffee. None. Even the powdered goat milk we keep in the pantry for baking emergencies had been used up during… well… a baking emergency. So off I stumbled to the Stop and Shop, a few hundred feet from our front door, where I encountered a sign hanging in a vacant storefront announcing that HALLOWEEN CENTRAL would be opening SOON!

Before the month was out, before teachers had even accepted that summer vacation was not a permanent thing, the candy began appearing on shelves. And the costumes. And the singing tombstones adorned with zombies eating their own still-beating hearts. And this could only mean one thing…

Thanksgiving would be next.

Each year, The Holiday Conversations in our extended family begin in mid-July, when our little unit begins strategizing with our in-laws to get out ahead of the game. It's preemptive damage control. Much like leaving a play-date en-masse, we like to present a united front when the parents-in-law begin sniffing around our holiday plans.

Where will we be for Thanksgiving? Can we make three stops in one day again? What about Christmas Eve? Christmas morning? Christmas dinner? New Year's Eve? New Year's Day? Have we considered the third Thursday of Advent?

It's wonderful to be loved and wanted, but we're working on an intricate parental puzzle here with six to seven moving parts, depending on various people's relationship status.

The year before our daughter was born, we set up a strict rotation that lasted a good three years: Whoever got Thanksgiving was not eligible for Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Christmas breakfast would always go to my dad. For example, if Person A got Thanksgiving in 2010, they would have Christmas Eve in 2011 and Christmas Day in 2012. Our best friends in Nashville could be subbed in at any time. This allowed everyone to plan approximately three years in advance. It seemed perfect. But there's no such thing as perfection.

In 2012, we scrapped our rotational system and drafted an application system. Our plans for this year's Thanksgiving were solidified weeks ago, but I'd like to share it here in case anyone finds it useful. I've updated it for the 2015 calendar year…

Dear Family Members,
Because you have all recently inquired about our Thanksgiving plans, we are now accepting applications requesting the presence of our humble little family at your Thanksgiving event. Please include the following information in your application (note: applications must be typed in 12 point font, either Ariel or Times New Roman; handwritten applications will not be accepted):

1. The date of the last Thanksgiving we spent with you
2. Estimated start and end time
3. Sample menu (yes, dessert, appetizers and alcohol selection count)
4. A list of potential conflicts or confrontations which may arise during this meal
5. A list of embarrassing stories you plan to tell
6. A list of other invited guests and possible surprise guests
7. A compelling reason why you think YOUR Thanksgiving event is more important than anyone else's
8. A dynamic 3-point plan detailing how this year's Thanksgiving will be better than the one indicated in step 1
9. A check, made out to cash, containing the $100 non-refundable application fee
10. A notarized affidavit stating that, if chosen, you agree to relinquish your claim to our presence at any Thanksgiving event taking place in 2016, 2017, 2018, or 2019. If chosen, you will next be eligible to reapply again in November of 2020.

Applications will be reviewed in the order in which they are received. Please do not contact us regarding the status of your application. Any such contact will result in immediate disqualification of your application. Decisions will be announced on November 23rd, 2015.

Recent Comments

• Ana: Love it! My husband's family does an annual "Family Fake Thanksgiving", the Saturday before the holiday. It's terrific. Traffic is … [Link]
• Dootsie Bug: YES DO THIS. Post about this! Yes! Do it make post post it here yes! [Link]
• Christi: Perhaps next I will write about our "Post Traumatic Thanksgiving" dinner tradition... where we use the free turkey we got … [Link]
• Christi: No no no... we have never actually sent it out-- that's why it only says that we "drafted" an application … [Link]
• Christi: Nope... just wishful thinking that they did! [Link]

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