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20 Sep 13:34

Nvidia release new GPUs

by adept256
In the industry of graphics accelerators, Nvidia enjoys market dominance. Today, their latest GPU microarchitecture, Turing, is available to the public in their RTX series of implementations of the new chip. Benchmarks show modest improvements over their predecessors, while new features supporting ray-tracing and deep learning offer innovation in the way real-time computer graphics are created.
16 Feb 04:16

Placing other people's poop in your person is a piss-poor plan

by Seamus Bellamy

I can't believe I have to write this, but maybe jamming other people's shit up your ass isn't a great idea.

When done by medical professions, under very specific circumstances, a fecal transplant can mean the difference between life and death: implanting feces containing healthy gut microbiome into a patient's body has been used by doctors as a way to help fight antibiotic-resistant super bugs, like Clostridium difficile.  A lot of folks online have been blathering away about how research shows that the same sort of treatment could also act as a cure for obesity. As reported by The Guardian, on hearing this news, people are now shoveling other people's crap into their bodies without a doctor's supervision.

What's the problem, you say? Well, before the treatment is administered in a clinical setting, the fecal matter used is screened for disease and other nasties in an effort to make the transplant as safe as possible. Without proper screening, the risk of transferring diseases like Hepititus or HIV from one poo owner to another is pretty high. Additionally, a DIY fecal transplant conducted in the name of losing weight could have the opposite effect. A case study from a few years back illustrated that a woman who underwent a fecal transplant to deal with a drug resistant super bug ended up becoming obese as a result. Oops.

So, if you're feel that you could stand to lose a few pounds, take a look at your eating habits, exercise more or visit a doctor for help in losing weight before reaching for a bag of liquefied shit.

Image courtesy of Pixabay

 

22 Sep 16:25

Giant Pumpkin Weighs Over a Ton

by Miss Cellania
JohnBooty

Wow, that's even heaver than your mom!

New leader for pumpkins and new North American record - 2145.5 pounds by Gene McMullen pic.twitter.com/YFQULjzLDP

— GPC (@GPCpumpkin) September 19, 2015

Gene McMullen set a new North American record with his 2145-pound pumpkin, officially weighed at the Cedarburg Wine & Harvest Festival in Wisconsin last weekend. McMullen, a factory worker from Illinois, explains his success as “dumb luck.” He grew a 1,600-pound pumpkin last year. You have to wonder how many pies could be made from that one pumpkin.

13 Aug 17:34

Disgraced televangelist Jim Bakker now selling potato soup buckets on TV

by Mark Frauenfelder
JohnBooty

Oh my god, is this real?

Jim Bakker, the smarmy, sex-scandal embroiled, 1980s TV evangelist fraudster and ex-con who fleeced his followers for decades with his then-wife Tammy Faye Bakker, has a new gig: selling plastic pails he calls "creamy potato soup bulk buckets" for $160. He's got a big-haired. Tammy-Faye lookalike helping him pitch these buckets, too!

My favorite part is when he takes an unsanitary sip from a ladleful of soup and almost gags on it. [via]

bakker

Below, a fond look back at the Bakkers.

b6 Following a 16-month Federal grand jury probe, Bakker was indicted in 1988 on eight counts of mail fraud, 15 counts of wire fraud and one count of conspiracy. In 1989, after a five-week trial which began on August 28 in Charlotte, the jury found him guilty on all 24 counts, and Judge Robert Daniel Potter sentenced him to 45 years in federal prison and a $500,000 fine. [Wikipedia]

b5

b4

b3

b2

b1

11 May 19:37

Castlevania dev’s new Kickstarter is Castlevania in everything but name

by Sam Machkovech

Classic Japanese game developer Konami hasn't had a very good month. Now, its seeming collapse has received another stake through the heart: a new Castlevania-like game is being made by that series' most important producer. Koji Igarashi—the series' longest-running producer and the guy who got credit for revitalizing the series by working on PlayStation classic Symphony of the Night—launched a Kickstarter on Monday for a game that resembles Castlevania in everything but name.

The mockup screenshots for Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night paint a familiar picture for Castlevania fans, full of gothic environs, hand-drawn characters, undead warriors, magical weapons, and, of course, whips. The game, which will be available as a digital download to backers who donate at least $28, is Igarashi's first major project announcement since he left Konami last year. While Konami still holds the right to that series' trademarks and its characters, it doesn't have a lock on the 2D action/platform/RPG mashup that Igarashi helped revive years ago.

"Publishers of the world told me that gamers no longer care for this style of game," Igarashi said in a Kickstarter pitch video while sitting in a dark, mysterious castle and sipping a glass of red wine. He then threw his wine glass to the ground and exclaimed, "But I know they are wrong!"

Read 2 remaining paragraphs | Comments

07 May 15:12

Aide to Kamala Harris arrested for pretending to run 3,000-year-old rogue police force (seriously)

Brandon Kiel claimed to have jurisdiction in 33 states and Mexico






06 May 14:40

NHL Three Stars: Backlund buries Ducks in OT; Kane's goal holds over Wild

by Josh Cooper

No. 1 Star: Mikael Backlund, Calgary Flames

The forward’s goal at the 4:24 mark of overtime sent Calgary to a 4-3 win pushed the Flames’ second-round series with Anaheim to a 2-1 Ducks lead. Along with the big goal, Backlund played 24:46, most amongst Calgary forwards.

No. 2 Star, Patrick Kane, Chicago Blackhawks

In late February, it appeared bleak as to whether Kane could make it this far into the playoffs. He had just broken his clavicle and was out 12 weeks. Well, he’s back, and he scored the only goal in Chicago’s 1-0 win over Minnesota to put its series against the Wild at 3-0 in Chicago's favor. 

No. 3. Star: Corey Crawford, Chicago Blackhawks

Crawford has come a long way since allowing nine goals against Nashville in Games 1 and 2 of the Blackhawks’ first round series. He stopped 30 of 30 shots on goal to carry Chicago over a desperate Wild team. The Blackhawks only mustered 22 shots on goal on Minnesota.

Honorable Mention: Chicago forwards Patrick Sharp and Andrew Shaw picked up the assists on Kane’s goal … Minnesota goaltender Devan Dubnyk stopped 21 of 22 Chicago shots on goal. Normally that would be enough for a win … Anaheim forward Ryan Getzlaf notched two assists and won 64 percent of his face offs … Ducks center Ryan Kesler notched one assist and won 75 percent of his face offs … Flames forward Johnny Gaudreau tied Calgary’s game with Anaheim with 19.5 seconds left in the third period.

Did You Know?: Gaudreau’s goal at 19:40 of the third period was the latest game-tying goal in Flames history.

Dishonorable Mention: Ducks goaltender Frederik Andersen stopped 17 of 21 shots on goal … The loss for Anaheim was its first of the playoffs … In the series against Chicago, Minnesota defenseman Ryan Suter is a minus-4 and has one assist in three games.

MORE FROM YAHOO HOCKEY

01 May 15:12

Ida, be obnoxious

by sciatrix
JohnBooty

Criticizing a person's natural voice is harmful; there's a cost involved with vocal self-monitoring and like most things in the world females bear more of that burden than men.

I don't think I'll ever be convinced that adopting an artificial, intentional voice affectation in order to comply with social trend -- such as adding exaggerated amounts of vocal fry or speaking in "upspeak" as a rule rather than an exception -- is somehow more freeing than simply speaking in one's natural voice.

I know some people see those deliberate vocal tics as vital vehicles of self-expression. To me, it's sad that we live in a world where we make people (particularly young women) feel that they have to contort their voices to be relevant. Far from a life-or-death issue, but let's not celebrate it either.

There is no way that intentionally adding vocal fry, speaking in a fictitious British accent, or screaming every sentence in a death metal voice is easier in any way. Unless a death metal growl is actually your natural voice - which is awesome, by the way, and I would like to hang out with you.

One's natural voice, of course, will almost always include some level of vocal fry. I don't think anybody considers that an issue.

Vocal fry (previously) is an auditory tic associated, currently, with young women (although it is by no means a new phenomenon or a female-exclusive one). That said, the prevalence of vocal fry may be growing in young women--which has implications for the prevalence of vocal fry across English speakers, since young women are linguistic trendsetters. Given all that, it's a shame that vocal tics like vocal fry and uptalk are so frequently criticized as a specifically female phenomenon--imposing an extra cost of vocal self-monitoring on female professionals.
10 Apr 20:22

Future-proofing HTPCs for the 4K Era: HDMI, HDCP and HEVC

by Ganesh T S
JohnBooty

"In addition, pushing 4K content via the web makes it important to use a modern video codec to push down the bandwidth requirements" Fuck you; give me 4K animated .gifs.

4K (Ultra High Definition / UHD) has matured far more rapidly compared to the transition from standard definition to HD (720p) / FHD (1080p). This can be attributed to the rise in popularity of displays with high pixel density as well as support for recording 4K media in smartphones and action cameras on the consumer side. However, movies and broadcast media continue to be the drivers for 4K televisions. Cinemal 4K is 4096x2304, while true 4K is 4096x2160. Ultra HD / UHD / QFHD all refer to a resolution of 3840x2160. Despite the differences, '4K' has become entrenched in the minds of the consumers as a reference to UHD. Hence, we will be using them interchangeably in the rest of this piece.

Currently, most TV manufacturers promote UHD TVs by offering an inbuilt 4K-capable Netflix app to supply 'premium' UHD content. The industry believes it is necessary to protect such content from unauthorized access in the playback process. In addition, pushing 4K content via the web makes it important to use a modern video codec to push down the bandwidth requirements. Given these aspects, what do consumers need to keep in mind while upgrading their HTPC equipment for the 4K era?

Display Link and Content Protection

DisplayPort outputs on PCs and GPUs have been 4K-capable for more than a couple of generations now, but televisions have only used HDMI. In the case of the SD to HD / FHD transition, HDMI 1.3 (arguably, the first HDMI version to gain widespread acceptance) was able to carry 1080p60 signals with 24-bit sRGB or YCbCr. However, from the display link perspective, the transition to 4K has been quite confusing.

4K output over HDMI began to appear on PCs with the AMD Radeon 7000 / NVIDIA 600 GPUs and the Intel Haswell platforms. These were compatible with HDMI 1.4 - capable of carrying 4Kp24 signals at 24 bpp (bits per pixel) without any chroma sub-sampling. Explaining chroma sub-sampling is beyond the scope of this article, but readers can think of it as a way of cutting down video information that the human eye is less sensitive to.

HDMI 2.0a

HDMI 2.0, which was released in late 2013, brought in support for 4Kp60 video. However, the standard allowed for transmitting the video with chroma downsampled (i.e, 4:2:0 instead of the 4:4:4 24 bpp RGB / YCbCr mandated in the earlier HDMI versions). The result was that even non-HDMI 2.0 cards were able to drive 4Kp60 video. Given that 4:2:0 might not necessarily be supported by HDMI 1.4 display sinks, it is not guaranteed that all 4K TVs are compatible with that format.


Evolution of HDMI Features

True 4Kp60 support comes with HDMI 2.0, but the number of products with HDMI 2.0 sources can be counted with a single hand right now. A few NVIDIA GPUs based on the second-generation Maxwell family (GM206 and GM204) come with HDMI 2.0 ports.

On the sink side, we have seen models from many vendors claiming HDMI 2.0 support. Some come with just one or two HDMI 2.0 ports, with the rest being HDMI 1.4. In other cases where all ports are HDMI 2.0, each of them support only a subset of the optional features. For example, not all ports might support ARC (audio return channel) or the content protection schemes necessary for playing 'premium' 4K content from an external source.


HDMI Inputs Panel in a HDMI 2.0 Television (2014 Model)

HDMI 1.3 and later versions brought in support for 10-, 12- and even 16b pixel components (i.e, deep color, with 30-bit, 36-bit and 48-bit xvYCC, sRGB, or YCbCr, compared to 24-bit sRGB or YCbCr in previous HDMI versions). Higher bit-depths are useful for professional photo and video editing applications, but they never really mattered in the 1080p era for the average consumer. Things are going to be different with 4K, as we will see further down in this piece. Again, even though HDMI 2.0 does support 10b pixel components for 4Kp60 signals, it is not mandatory. Not all 4Kp60-capable HDMI ports on a television might be compatible with sources that output such 4Kp60 content.

HDMI 2.0a was ratified yesterday, and brings in support for high dynamic range (HDR). UHD Blu-ray is expected to have support for 4Kp60 videos, 10-bit encodes, HDR and BT.2020 color gamut. Hence, it has become necessary to ensure that the HDMI link is able to support all these aspects - a prime reason for adding HDR capabilities to the HDMI 2.0 specifications. Fortunately, these static EDID extensions for HDR support can be added via firmware updates - no new hardware might be necessary for consumers with HDMI 2.0 equipment already in place.

HDCP 2.2

High-bandwidth Digital Content Protection (HDCP) has been used (most commonly, over HDMI links) to protect the path between the player and display from unauthorized access. Unfortunately, the version of HDCP used to protect HD content was compromised quite some time back. Content owners decided that 4K content would require an updated protection mechanism, and this prompted the creation of HDCP 2.2. This requires updated hardware support, and things are made quite messy for consumers since HDMI 2.0 sources and sinks (commonly associated with 4K) are not required to support HDCP 2.2. Early 4K adopters (even those with HDMI 2.0 capabilities) will probably need to upgrade their hardware again, as HDCP 2.2 can't be enabled via firmware updates.

UHD Netflix-capable smart TVs don't need to worry about HDCP 2.2 for playback of 4K Netflix titles. Consumers just need to remember that whenever 'premium' 4K content travels across a HDMI link, both the source and sink must support HDCP 2.2. Otherwise, the source will automatically downgrade the transmission to 1080p (assuming that an earlier HDCP version is available on the sink side). If an AV receiver is present in the display chain, it needs to support HDCP 2.2 also.

Key Takeaway: Consumers need to remember that not all HDMI 2.0 implementations are equal. The following checklist should be useful while researching GPU / motherboard / AVR / TV / projector purchases.

  • HDMI 2.0a
  • HDCP 2.2
  • 4Kp60 4:2:0 at all component resolutions
  • 4Kp60 4:2:2 at 12b and 4:4:4 at 8b component resolutions
  • Audio Return Channel (ARC)

HDMI 2.0 has plenty of other awesome features (such as 32 audio channels), but the above are the key aspects that, in our opinion, will affect the experience of the average consumer.

HEVC - The Video Codec for the 4K Era

The move from SD to HD / FHD brought along worries about bandwidth required to store files / deliver content. H.264 evolved as the video codec of choice to replace MPEG-2. That said, even now, we see cable providers and some Blu-rays using MPEG-2 for HD content. In a similar manner, the transition from FHD to 4K has been facilitated by the next-generation video codec, H.265 (more commonly known as HEVC - High-Efficiency Video Coding). Just as MPEG-2 continues to be used for HD, we will see a lot of 4K content being created and delivered using H.264. However, for future-proofing purposes, the playback component in a HTPC setup definitely needs to be capable of supporting HEVC decode.

Despite having multiple profiles, almost all consumer content encoded in H.264 initially was compliant with the official Blu-ray specifications (L4.1). However, as H.264 (and the popular open-source x264 encoder implementation) matured and action cameras began to make 1080p60 content more common, existing hardware decoders had their deficiencies exposed. 10-bit encodes also began to gain popularity in the anime space. Such encoding aspects are not supported for hardware accelerated decode even now. Carrying forward such a scenario with HEVC (where the decoding engine has to deal with four times the number of pixels at similar frame rates) would be quite frustrating for users. Thankfully, HEVC decoding profiles have been formulated to avoid this type of situation. The first two to be ratified (Main and Main10 4:2:0 - self-explanatory) encompass a variety of resolutions and bit-rates important for the consumer video distribution (both physical and OTT) market. Recently ratified profiles have range extensions [ PDF ] that target other markets such as video editing and professional camera capture. For consumer HTPC purposes, support for Main and Main10 4:2:0 will be more than enough.

HEVC in HTPCs

Given the absence of a Blu-ray standard for HEVC right now, support for decoding has been tackled via a hybrid approach. Both Intel and NVIDIA have working hybrid HEVC decoders in the field right now. These solutions accelerate some aspects of the decoding process using the GPU. However, in the case where the internal pipeline supports only 8b pixel components, 10b encodes are not supported for hybrid decode. The following table summarizes the current state of HEVC decoding in various HTPC platforms. Configurations not explicitly listed in the table below will need to resort to pure software decoding.

HEVC Decode Acceleration Support in Contemporary HTPC Platforms
Platform HEVC Main (8b) HEVC Main10 4:2:0 (10b)
Intel HD Graphics 4400 / 4600 / 5000 Hybrid Not Available
Intel Iris Graphics 5100 Hybrid Not Available
Intel Iris Pro Graphics 5200 Hybrid Not Available
Intel HD Graphics 5300 (Core M) Not Available Not Available
Intel HD Graphics 5500 / 6000 Hybrid Hybrid
Intel Iris Graphics 6100 Hybrid Hybrid
NVIDIA Kepler GK104 / GK106 / GK107 / GK208 Hybrid Not Available
NVIDIA Maxwell GM107 / GM108 / GM200 / GM204 Hybrid Not Available
NVIDIA Maxwell GM206 (GTX 960) Hardware Hardware

Note that the above table only lists the vendor claims, as exposed in the drivers. The matter of software to take advantage of these features is a completely different aspect. LAV Filters (integrated in the recent versions of MPC-HC and also available as a standalone DirectShow filter set) is one of the cutting-edge softwares taking advantage of these driver features. It is a bit difficult for the casual reader to get an idea of the current status from all the posts in the linked thread. The summary is that driver support for HEVC decoding exists, but is not very reliable (often breaking with updates).

HEVC Decoding in Practice - An Example

LAV Filters 0.64 was taken out for a test drive using the Intel NUC5i7RYH (with Iris Graphics 6100). As per Intel's claims, we have hybrid acceleration for both HEVC Main and Main10 4:2:0 profiles. This is also brought out in the DXVAChecker Decoder Devices list.

A few sample test files (4Kp24 8b, 4Kp30 10b, 4Kp60 8b and 4Kp60 10b) were played back using MPC-HC x64 and the 64-bit version of LAV Video Decoder. The gallery below shows our findings.

In general, we found the hybrid acceleration to be fine for 4Kp24 8b encodes. 4Kp60 streams, when subject to DXVAChecker's Decoder benchmark, came in around 45 - 55 fps, while the Playback benchmark at native size pulled that down to the 25 - 35 fps mark. 10b encodes, despite being supported in the drivers, played back with a black screen (indicating either the driver being at fault, or LAV Filters needing some updates for Intel GPUs).

In summary, our experiments suggest that 4Kp60 HEVC decoding with hybrid acceleration might not be a great idea for Intel GPUs at least. However, movies should be fine given that they are almost always at 24 fps. That said, it would be best if consumers allow software / drivers to mature and wait for full hardware acceleration to become available in low-power HTPC platforms.

Key Takeaway: Ensure that any playback component you add to your home theater setup has hardware acceleration for decoding
(a) 4Kp60 HEVC Main profile
(b) 4Kp60 HEVC Main10 4:2:0 profile

Final Words

Unless one is interested in frequently updating components, it would be prudent to keep the two highlighted takeaways in mind while building a future-proof 4K home theater. Obviously, 'future-proof' is a dangerous term, particularly where technology is involved. There is already talk of 8K broadcast content. However, it is likely that 4K / HDMI 2.0 / HEVC will remain the key market drivers over the next 5 - 7 years.

Consumers hoping to find a set of components satisfying all the key criteria above right now will need to exercise patience. On the TV and AVR side, we still don't have models supporting HDMI 2.0a as well as HDCP 2.2 specifications on all their HDMI ports. On the playback side, there is no low-power GPU sporting a HDMI 2.0a output while also having full hardware acceleration for decoding of the important HEVC profiles.

In our HTPC reviews, we do not plan to extensively benchmark HEVC decoding until we are able to create a setup fulfilling the key criteria above. We will be adopting a wait and watch approach while the 4K HTPC ecosystem stabilizes. Our advice to consumers will be to do the same.

 

30 Mar 20:07

Let's Talk About Sex in Space

by editor@motherboard.tv. (Daniel Oberhaus)
JohnBooty

I don't think full-on coitus would work very well in microgravity. But everything else would probably be awesome. Errant bodily fluids would be hilarious.

The first in a three-part series about sex in space.

Now that Earth has had a co-ed space station in orbit for over three decades, the obvious question must be raised once again: What goes on behind closed hatches? Have any of the astronauts ever taken things to the next level? There have, for the record, been no official, confirmed reports of inappropriate behavior, consensual or otherwise, among Shuttle, Soyuz, Shenzhou, or ISS crew members. Yet these official denials havent stopped the dirtier minds on Earth from contemplating just how those in orbit might be passing their private time.

In 1992, imaginations were set aflame when it was reported that Jan Davis and Mark Lee, two astronauts who went to orbit aboard Space Shuttle Endeavor, had secretly married nine months prior to their mission. The deployment of husband and wife on the same mission was a first for NASAthe space agency subsequently forbade such pairingsand immediately prompted speculation that they may have been the first couple in history to consummate their marriage free from the surly bonds of Earth.

While there has been a human presence in space since 1961, the topic of sex in space continues to be woefully under-examined. There are several reasons for this, one of them being that most manned missions to space have not been long enough in duration to push NASA to seriously address the question. When youre just trying to figure out how to survive in a uniquely hostile environment, knowing in the Biblical sense sits pretty low on the list of pressing scientific questions that need to be answered. But not for long.

Jan Davis and Mark Lee were married before they went to space aboard Endeavour during STS-47. Photo: NASA

I do think there is a time when sexuality in space is going to have to be addressed, said Paul Root Wolpe, the Director of Emory Universitys Center for Ethics and a senior bioethicist at NASA. I do not know if NASA has an official policy on sex in space, [but] there will be a time when NASA needs to make some policies or understandings about those kinds of relationships. There is a point where the length of time [on a mission] becomes part of the question of whether or not its fair to deprive people of this aspect of being human. Im just not sure its time yet.

Aside from the lack of urgent scientific reasons to really test human libido and sexual behavior in orbit, the simple fact of the matter is that body-to-body docking in microgravity is probably not as orgasmic as we might imagine it to be. In the first place, there are significant logistical difficulties in orchestrating the deed, and this alone, Wolpe suggested, might be reason enough to dissuade astronauts from unofficial experimentation.

A lot of people think that sex in microgravity will be great because by losing gravity you can move in ways you cant terrestrially. The [scientists] whove thought about this arent so sure about that at all, he said. One of the things that gravity helps us do is stay together, so sex in microgravity might actually be more difficult because youre going to have to make sure that youre always holding each other so you dont drift apart. It might be a lot more challenging and a lot less fulfilling than most people think.

Vanna Bonta tests the 2suit in low gravity with her husband. Photo: Steve Boxall

The gravity on Marsabout one third that of Earthsis light enough to do what you want [and] heavy enough to make it interesting, wrote Arthur C. Clarke.

Even if the logistical difficulties of space sex can be settled, theres still the problem that microgravity makes sex, well, significantly less sexy.

Astronauts tend to sweat more in space, and decreased blood pressure could make it more difficult for males to hold up their end of the mission. As for the female side of things, the jury is still out on whether microgravity is a bane or a boon to boobs. While one astronaut trainer has confirmed that bras are in fact worn in space, this is usually during the intense exercise regimens that astronauts are submitted to. Beyond that, its a matter of personal preference.

All of these limitations have nonetheless failed to tame humanitys raunchier cosmic fantasies. In The Hammer of God, a 1993 science fiction novel by Arthur C. Clarke, the author considers the pros and cons of various solar system locations for cosmic coitus, noting that the novelty of zero gravity in free space soon wears off, while the gravity of the moon makes you bounce all over.

The gravity on Mars, however, which is about one third that of Earths, writes the sci-fi legend, is light enough to do what you want [and] heavy enough to make it interesting.

"Both the pleasures and problems of zero-gravity sex have been greatly exaggerated," Clarke wrote in 1982's 2010: Odyssey Two. But he looked forward to the sexual innovations which would result from taking sex to space. Weightlessness will bring about new forms of erotica. About time, too.

ISS sleeping quarters, where the magic allegedly doesnt happen. Image: NASA.


Orbital Insertions

Clarkes ruminations are tentatively supported by American astronaut Ron Garan, who has spent a total of six months at the ISSand swears hes still a space virgin.

I dont know [what sex in space] is like, of course, he says, laughing. I assume it would be just as enjoyable as it is on Earth. Weightlessness is liberatingbeing able to have complete freedom of movement to go wherever you want, [you can] be in any position you want.

The positions Garan is referring to are solely work relatedreaching, exercising, fixing a space telescope. But in 1989, a document allegedly released by NASA appeared to reference research involving positions of a more intimate nature. Known as 12-571-3570, this document allegedly detailed the results of an experiment aboard STS-75, wherein couples engaged in various sexual acts to determine which were most effective for reproductive purposes.

The twelve approaches that were tested included strapping the couples together and placing them inside a giant inflatable tunnel, both of which understandably made it hard for the astronauts to get aroused. The report concluded that the effectiveness of the system was validated through twelve experiments, finding that the use of an elastic band to keep the couples in place was the optimal method.

From the Experiment 8 Postflight Summary. Image: Snopes

Researching sex in space "is simply not a prioritythere are too many more pressing issues about health and function in space."

The study made its rounds on the internet for several years, eventually prompting NASA to respond a decade later when French science writer Pierre Kohler cited it as fact in his book The Final Mission. The whole thing was obviously a hoax, said NASA, given that STS-75 didnt launch until 1996, seven years after the paper was released. Perhaps this is for the better, as the acts described in the document sound far more uncomfortable and awkward than pleasurable.

Nevertheless, this problem was tackled by the late novelist Vanna Bonta, who developed the 2suit specifically for the purpose of helping astronauts perform the proverbial orbital insertions. When two people wearing the 2suit come together in microgravity, the suit allows them to effectively create one large sleeping bag, solving the problem of drifting apart so that they can focus on their cosmic kamasutra or whatever it is theyre into.

Unfortunately for those who are looking to the stars to spice up their sex life, the odds that research into sex in space will find funding in the near future is pretty remote, at least at NASA. [Researching sex] is simply not a prioritythere are too many more pressing issues about health and function in space, said Wolpe. Perhaps a private space agency might get funding.

Some private spaceflight companies have already been solicited for the purpose of making porn movies in space, including Virgin Galactic, which turned down a $1 million offer from an unnamed source to make an adult film in orbit. (The irony of this particular company declining to take sex to space is lost on nobody.)

In Space, No One Can Hear You Cream

Although it seems that what happens in space is staying in space, this doesnt necessarily mean the ISS is full of sexual prudes. One Russian cosmonaut interviewed by writer Mary Roach told her, My friend asks me, How are you making sex in space? I say, By hand! In a 2012 Reddit AMA hosted by Ron Garan, the astronaut assuaged fears that astronauts can never find opportunities to self-stimulate on the space station. Despite the overall lack of privacy on board, apparently the ISS is still large enough to find some occasional quiet time, he acknowledged.

I asked Garan to clarify. I can only speak for myself, but were professionals, he said. Its in the realm of what is possible, but the missions are so busy and intense, that its normal to just focus on the mission.

Screencap from Ron Garans Reddit AMA

If we can take Garan at his word, it sounds like masturbation at 260 miles up isnt a problem if astronauts are so inclinedand this is a good thing. Numerous studies have shown that masturbation can be good for the individuals psychological health, but there are physical benefits to self-pleasure as well.

Marjorie Jenkins, a NASA advisor who serves as Chief Scientific Officer at the Laura W. Bush Institute for Womens Health, noted that decreased ejaculation can potentially be a contributing factor to prostatitis, the inflammation and infection of the prostate. (Her own findings on the matter are part of a peer-reviewed paper she co-authored last year that explored reproductive health in space.)

When men ejaculate, about one-third of their semen is secreted by the prostate. This prostate fluid is essential for the survival and vitality of sperm. If men ejaculate too infrequently, there is a risk of bacterial build up in prostate, leading to a painful infection. While the discomfort induced by genitourinary infections (such as prostatitis in men or a urinary tract infection in women) may seem trivial compared with the innumerable other risks of space, they have already proven to be an important variable to consider when planning long duration space flights.

The most serious space-based genitourinary problem on record befell Soviet cosmonaut Vladimir Vasyutin in 1985. While on the Salyut-7 space station, Vasyutin, then 35 years old, developed acute prostatitis, a complication that led to extreme fever, nausea and painful urination, forcing him to return to Earth prematurely, only 65 days into a six-month mission. Between 1981 and 1998, astronauts reported 23 cases of genitourinary problems, according to NASA. While this is a relatively small number given that 508 astronauts flew during this time, it is an issue which could have perhaps been tempered had astronauts managed to find a little more quiet time. 

The Social Dynamics

Besides the potential discomfort of sex in space (and the risks of pregnancy associated with it), theres another reason self-pleasure looks preferable to actual, astronaut-on-astronaut action: the simple fact that human sexuality is staggeringly complex. It is a phenomenon that is both physiological and psychological in nature, something that is simultaneously both a biological imperative and a social construction. Although there have been a handful of studies conducted on various aspects of gender interactions, these havent focused on the intimate kind. That means that taking sexual behavior to space is a risky variable to toss into an already high-risk situation.

Gender has been studied. Sex is a different story, said Wolpe. The ethical issues [of taking sex to space] are not so much around the act itself, but the implications. Theres a whole series of questions wed want to ask about what it would mean to actually have two members of the crew actually have sex in space in terms of what their relationship would be and what their relationship would be in relation to the other crew members. How would it affect people psychologically?

Image: NASA

"Even though [the astronauts] are living up there for months at a time, the relationship is not were friends and roommates hanging out.'

Understanding how sex impacts small-group dynamics in isolation is a crucial component to its successful integration as a variable into missions to space. When small crews are forced to spend months or years in close confinement, figuring out ways to tolerate one anothers presence and cooperate can prove to be very taxing. Having two love birds along for a ride might only complicate things further.

As Wolpe points out, astronauts and their minders are determined to keep relationships strictly professional. The risks of not doing so were on display for the whole planet to see in 2007, when astronaut Lisa Nowak was arrested for attempting to kidnap an Air Force captain, Colleen Shipman. Nowak considered Shipman to be a rival for the affections of fellow astronaut Bill Oefelein.

Even though [the astronauts] are living up there for months at a time, the relationship is not were friends and roommates hanging out, but we are highly trained professionals doing a job, said Wolpe.

If astronauts were having sex in orbit (for science, of course), relationships between those astronauts and their colleagues would likely need to be carefully studied and policed, he said. One might assume right now that everyone in the crew is not going to be having sex with everyone else in the crew. There would be particular relationship structures in the beginning, especially if you want to do it scientifically.

Still, high pressure situations dont necessarily preclude sexual activity; in fact, the opposite may be true. While research into the links between stress and sexual arousal is fairly limited, a handful of studies suggest that while too much or too little acute or chronic stress may impair sexual arousal, a moderate level of stress may actually be helpful in getting the juices flowing. And in those instances where high stress levels appear to be linked to the impairment of genital arousal, there does not yet seem to be any link between psychological arousal and stress.

Informal field tests on Earth seem to buoy these results: between 1989 and 2006, Australian researchers documented seven pregnancies at Antarctic research stations, environments that are frequently used as analogs for space due to their isolation and moderate stress levels. This staggering number suggests that dangerous environs alone arent significant deterrents for their horny inhabitants. NASA is well aware of this.

While the space agency does not have an official policy on space sex, instead relying on its somewhat ambiguous code of conduct for these matters, there will likely come a time when sex in space will have to be explicitly addressed and confronted as a methodological factor in future missions.

NASAs Astronaut Code of Professional Responsibility

Studies have shown that gender integration on missions tends to be a positive experience, especially when this involves married couples. Although the vast majority of astronauts are married and several astronauts have married one another, only one mission to space had a married couple flying together. And this may have been by accident.

Jan Davis and Mark Lee were married in secret the year prior to their mission in 1992, a move which violated the NASA regulations prohibiting couples on missions. Davis and Lee were allowed to fly together only because by the time their marriage was discovered, it was too late to train replacements for the mission. Although the rule banning married couples flying together still stands at NASA, Garan thinks that as the space agency reaches further into the solar system, a revision may be warranted.

Statistically there are quite a few astronauts who are married couples and I think it would be appropriate to have those couples on long missions, he said.

Garan, who is married, said he wouldnt mind having his significant other along for the ride, if for no other reason, he says half-jokingly, than some alone time in the ISS cupola, the station module that boasts the largest windows in space.

You never get tired of looking at the Earth from the windows. About once a week we get a video conference with our family and I would typically bring the laptop in to the cupola so I can share the view. He added: Its definitely one of the most romantic views you could ever have.

Garan.jpg

Ron Garan in the ISS cupola; Image via NASA

"Statistically there are quite a few astronauts who are married couples and I think it would be appropriate to have those couples on long missions."

Research suggests that having married couples on long duration missions in space analog environments tends to temper sexual competition and provide an air of familiarity amongst crew members, which can be very beneficial in high-stress situations. And yet, throwing marital problems in the mix could also bring unintended consequences.

When we leave low earth orbit and are leaving the Earth for many months at a time, I think whether the question [of bringing your spouse along] is valid and something well have to address, said Garan. Now that brings other problems: not all relationships last. Imagine a breakup on a 3 year mission to Mars.

Indeed, whether or not Davis and Lee, NASAs only married astronauts to have flown together, managed to consummate their marriage during their space honeymoon, they didnt manage to keep it together on Earth: they divorced in 1998.

For those concerned with the future of space traveland perhaps the future of the human racethe potentially perilous unknowns surrounding sex in space arent reason to abstain; theyre an argument for probing deeper.

[Sex] is a part of the human experience and needs to be accounted for eventually, said Garan. We need to look at life on our planet from a different perspective. It has a lot of facets to it. Its taking a long term or big picture view and realizing that our sphere of influence is a lot bigger than we think. Were just beginning to scratch the surface on how that could propel us into a more positive trajectory. The possibilities are enormous.

26 Mar 18:12

Project Spartan and IE will now use entirely separate rendering engines

by Andrew Cunningham

We haven't even gotten a public build of Microsoft's new Project Spartan browser yet, but the company is already tweaking its browser strategy.

Windows 10 was always going to support both Spartan and Internet Explorer, and they were always going to be separate browsers. As originally conceived, both of them would be able to switch between the legacy Trident rendering engine and the new Edge rendering engine. Internet Explorer would remain more focused on legacy sites, though—it would retain compatibility with ActiveX plugins and third-party toolbars, features that Spartan is stripping out.

Now, an MSDN blog post says that Microsoft is making the Spartan and Internet Explorer split even more pronounced. Spartan will still get the Edge engine, but it will drop the legacy Trident rendering engine completely. Internet Explorer keeps Trident—and, crucially, its compatibility with sites designed for IE 5.5 or later—but it will no longer be able to use the new Edge engine. Microsoft says that including the new Edge engine in IE would introduce compatibility problems even without removing Trident. Now, if a site works in Internet Explorer 11 in Windows 7 or Windows 8.1, it's guaranteed to work exactly the same way in Internet Explorer 11 in Windows 10.

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25 Mar 15:43

Bigfoot

by Miss Cellania

Burn! This is the creature who put the “sass” in Sasquatch. But entirely appropriate. I’ve wondered from time to time how they may feel about being nicknamed for an oversized body part. It probably does things to one’s self-esteem. This comic is the latest from Zach at Extra Fabulous Comics. -via reddit

15 Mar 16:51

“A creature created by witches to steal milk. Only women can create and own them”

by Mallory Ortberg

Friend of the Toast (and of self) Sara Cantor just got back from a weeklong vacation in Iceland, and, as is my custom, I engaged her in conversation about her trip.

SELF: Sara! How was Iceland?

SARA: Look at this: Screen Shot 2015-03-12 at 11.53.33 AM

SELF: WHAT
is
THAT

Read more “A creature created by witches to steal milk. Only women can create and own them” at The Toast.

10 Mar 17:02

One apartment complex’s rule: You write a bad review, we fine you $10k

by Joe Mullin

Trying to control customer opinions online is nearly always a losing game for a business, and there's now a long line of cases where it has backfired on companies. We uncovered a new example this month, when a reader contacted Ars Technica to show us the "Social Media Addendum" that his Florida apartment complex, called Windermere Cay, included in his lease.

The Social Media Addendum, published here, is a triple-whammy. First, it explicitly bans all "negative commentary and reviews on Yelp! [sic], Apartment Ratings, Facebook, or any other website or Internet-based publication or blog." It also says any "breach" of the Social Media Addendum will result in a $10,000 fine, to be paid within ten business days. Finally, it assigns the renters' copyrights to the owner—not just the copyright on the negative review, but "any and all written or photographic works regarding the Owner, the Unit, the property, or the apartments." Snap a few shots of friends who come over for a dinner party? The photos are owned by your landlord.

Contacted by Ars, a manager disclaimed the contract—even though it had been given to a tenant to sign just a few days before.

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09 Mar 00:46

"Islam is Privilege"

by jeffburdges
02 Mar 02:56

Molly Crabapple: The Best Path Is the One You Build Out of Your Own Dysfunction

by behanceteam
JohnBooty

I love every bit of this.

Matisse once opined that “Creativity takes courage.” Part artist, part journalist, Molly Crabapple has both in spades.

The New York-based illustrator has reported from war-torn Syria and Guantanamo Bay, among other places, with a unique blend of gonzo-esque essay writing paired with raw portraits of humanity’s lowest lows and highest highs.

The result has been a career that might serve as a blueprint for the 21st-century artist. Crabapple has the freedom to speak truth to power while satisfying her creative itches through essays in Vice, an upcoming memoir titled Drawing Blood, several illustration jobs (including art for Matt Taibbi’s bestselling The Divide), and a slew of one-off projects—like locking herself in a New York hotel room drawing for a week uninterrupted for Week in Hell.

I spoke with Crabapple as she took a break from writing her memoir to talk with me about why she’s down on art school and how the “Uber-ization” of the workforce is impacting artists. 

When did you first become more politically active and start speaking out about social issues?

I’ve always been a political person. My dad is a political science professor, and I grew up being taught to question authority. But for a long time after the failure of the anti-Iraq War protests,

I hadn’t really felt right bringing my politics into my work. It felt like a preachy lie if I was very explicit about politics. But then Occupy happened. It felt like a moment where it was incumbent upon people to publicly take sides. So I started doing work about Occupy.

Molly Crabapple in Week in Hell.

How did that flip to going overseas to these dangerous areas like Syria and Guantanamo, things that take more courage than covering Occupy?

There is nothing brave about going to Guantanamo, except maybe a small amount of moral bravery to see the horrific things that your country did. You are just going to a military base. I like to use my art to go places where I am not supposed to and show people things they usually can’t see.

Some people are afraid of voicing politics because of backlash or the fear of not knowing all the facts. How have you grappled with that?

I am continuously aware of my own ignorance and also of the limits of what is actually knowable. Guantanamo was my first experience working in an environment where the truth was hidden under so many layers of classification. For instance, at Guantanamo I spoke to a defense attorney for the prisoners. I tried my best to learn everything about the camp. But then, recently there was a CIA report that conclusively proved everything Guantanamo was accused of was true—even things that no one but its most scathing critics dared say.

You just have to be aware of your own ignorance and of your own capacity to fail. I don’t think there is ever going to be a point when you’re going to conclusively know everything, or even know what is important about a chunk of reality. So you just try your best.

Crabapple at work. Credit: mollycrabapple.com

Crabapple at work. Photo: mollycrabapple.com

In a previous interview you mentioned that you regretted attending the Fashion Institute of Technology and that it was not a good experience. You said that art school might not be the best idea for some people.

Art school is, what, $40,000 a year? Think about the trade-off. I could get an education, but I’d also pay $160,000 for the privilege. Do I think there is a better way that you can develop yourself for $160,000 than going to art school? With $160K, you could live in a cheap city for years and hone your drawing all day and not have a job. There are all sorts of ways you can spend $160,000.

College is pushed on every middle class kid (the way that poor kids are barred from and dissuaded from education is a different story). I think it’s better to look at the resources you have access to, and think of how you might use them to get the life you want, to develop yourself in accordance with your desires.

I didn’t have $40,000 a year to go to a good art school, so I went to a cheap one that was terrible. Even so, I had three good teachers at FIT. I was also forced to take classes in archaic mediums like airbrush. I had teachers who I suspect were in the early stages of dementia. Instead of teaching, they just had us watch movies.

There are some amazing people who teach in art school. Some of the artists I most admire teach. I just resent credentialization of art. There are certain fields like accounting or engineering or medicine where you need credentials. You need outside authorities to assure that you’re competent, because if you fail, you can kill people or cause bridges to collapse or land someone in jail. But art? Making a college degree standard for artists just creates a barrier of entry for people who can’t afford them.

I just resent credentialization of art.

What effect do you think that has on young artists?

A lot of young artists end up in a lot of debt and that can shape your life in many ways. If you graduate with $50,000 of debt, you are forced to take certain types of jobs and may not be able to take certain risks because you have loan payments due.

You’ve advocated that artists be cutthroat about making a living off their art. What did you mean by that? 

I don’t think that people should be cutthroat about their actual art. When you’re making art, you should be idealistic. Your art should be your heart, your tears, and your blood. I was more talking about the commercial aspects around art. Be practical about those. There are a lot of aspects of the art world that make no sense at all. Like the gallery system…it is kind of ludicrous: We will take your piece and we will put in a white box in Chelsea with very, very, very expensive rent. So, the prices of all these pieces have to be really high. They have to cover both the rent on the white box and the gallery owner’s cost of living and your cost of living. Because the prices are really high, only certain types of people can afford to buy those things. So you have to make art that caters to really rich people.

It’s not that some art shouldn’t be expensive. A lot of work costs huge amounts of time, money, and skill to make. But the model of selling that work through a gallery that takes half, and that has to make rent in one of the most expensive cities in the world may not be the best model and it certainly isn’t the only one.

Speaking of companies rather than galleries, a lot of times when corporations want artists to work for them, they do what I can only describe as “negging,” like a pickup artist would do.

Your art should be your heart, your tears, and your blood.

What is negging?

Negging is a technique where a pickup artist will try to insult a girl. For example: “You’re cute but you have messed up nails.”The idea is to lower the girl’s self esteem, so she’ll sleep with the guy insulting her. Companies do the same thing. They say, “You’re okay but we are only going to pay you $200 bucks…” and it is really about lowering your self-esteem so that you accept an unfair price.

I think that one of the best realizations an artist could have is that the amount of money they get paid has only a passing relationship with their talent. Talent is its own reward, but this world is not a meritocracy.

Do you think there is such thing as a collaborative relationship with someone who is paying an artist?

Definitely. I cherish relationships with certain editors and art directors. But once a corporation is involved, it’s best to be cynical about it. Even if the art director working for Disney is a really cool person, and even if you really understand each other, Disney does not give a fuck about either of you. You should be utterly cold to Disney even if you think your art director is kind and brilliant.

The cover of "The Divide" by Crabapple.

The cover of “The Divide” by Crabapple.

Have you ever been financed by a large organization?

I work for Vice. I work for Fusion. My book is being published by Harper Collins. I’m proud of the work I’ve done at all of those places, but I’d be delusional to think the parent companies of these outlets cared about me or any of their other employees in any deep way. I am lucky that I have an agent I adore. She just deals with all of that. But earlier in my career, I got kicked around by some companies I worked for.

When you don’t have an agent, you kind have to be “artist Molly” and “agent Molly.”

Exactly. I think one of the best things you can do is to talk about what you are getting paid with other people in your field. There is a gif where Meryl Streep is saying that her lesson to young people in acting, especially working women in acting, would be to always ask people their salaries. Because when she did it, she always found out that men were getting paid more than her.

One of the reasons people should talk about their salaries, or how much they’re getting paid, is to avoid gender discrimination because that is how that stuff gets hidden. I’ve found that over and over again. Early in my career, I found out one guy who was offered ten times the amount of money I was for a cover. Other times, people will come to me and ask me about a company that’s paying me fairly, but is lying to them about their standard rate. 

It’s not that I think all artists or all writers should be paid the same. But if there are differences, there should be a reason, not fuzzy feelings that often stem from unarticulated prejudice.

Crabapple’s XOXO talk: Is the Gatekeeper dead?

How has the internet played a role in all of this?

The internet has turned massive quantities of Americans into precarious workers. The government needs to acknowledge this. We need to decouple benefits like health insurance or unemployment from jobs. They should be for everyone. We should stop calling them “benefits.” Getting treated for cancer should be a human right. I don’t think the Uber-ization of the workforce is a good thing.

That Uber-ization of the world is happening, but at the same token, you have a degree of freedom in your career that other people don’t.

The Uber driver is still going through a corporation that is in control of many aspects of his labor. A lot of the sharing economy is about rebranding precarity as entrepreneurship. My career wasn’t like that. I wasn’t having one platform profit off my labor—I was cobbling things together myself.

A lot of the sharing economy is about rebranding precarity as entrepreneurship.

Do you have any thoughts for someone who is making that freelance shift maybe against their will?

This is kind of a cruel paradox. If you are constantly hustling from one gig to the next and you make all these little things, you seldom produce work that is lasting. You get in this rut where you’re forced to hack things out. Because of all your previous hackwork, people think “this person is a hack.” They will never offer you the chance to do those big transformative pieces of art that burn people’s eyes. It’s a hard balance to strike between doing truly great work and doing the work that will support you, especially at first.

I devoted everything to my work. Even now, I often work 14 hours a day. I don’t have a kid. I never plan to. All throughout my twenties, I pushed everything aside, so that I could do art. I was mostly healthy, and didn’t have sick parents or immigration issues or many of the struggles others deal with. Life is hard and complicated. Maybe the best path is the one you build out of your own dysfunction.

26 Feb 20:48

Two Weeks of Laughter Therapy

by Maria Yagoda
by Maria Yagoda

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According to one of my more observant friends, I am not a human but a robot with a pretty solid sense of how humans behave. She’s gathered some compelling evidence: I almost never experience thirst or seek out water, and when I do, I’ll make a grand show of it to keep up the act. I side with Tracy Jordan here: water is nothing more than “clear bathtub juice.”

There’s also the laughter issue: I don’t really laugh. I find things funny, but I’m rarely moved to spontaneous vocalizations of glee. Instead, I smile and offer a nasally “HEH,” a guttural “heh heh,” or emphatic nose exhale when I want to show someone I recognize what they said was a joke, and that it was nice. This can be off-putting. Even when something strikes me as truly hilarious—that dog that looks more like John Travolta than John Travolta, for example—I don’t laugh, or even smile.

Something happens when you grow up, as the tragedy of existence sets in. Human babies laugh about 300 times a day, while human adults only laugh 20 times. Maria, of neither demographic, laughs two times daily, three times max, but only if she watches that scene in It’s Always Sunny when Danny DeVito’s character, naked and sweaty, breaks out of a couch he was sewn into.

“People learn to put roadblocks in the way of their laughter,” offered Enda Junkins, a national laughter therapist/mogul, when I called her after Googling “laugh feel better therapy i'm depressed science?” I was interested in learning to laugh like my human friends, yes—but my desire to experience the transformative power of routine laughter was far more powerful.“The more you practice laughing, the fewer controls you have on it,” she told me.

On her website, Laughter Therapy Enterprises, Junkins provides several tips for laughing more and breaking down some of the roadblocks. Suggestions include: “Wear hats that make you laugh,” “Buy and listen daily to a tape of laughter, a laugh box, or a laughing toy,” “Laugh with your co-workers for a few minutes for no real reason at all,” and the best one, “Wear light-hearted, temporary tattoos that help you cope.”

She advises laughing for five uninterrupted minutes every day. I vowed to do ten minutes a day for two weeks because I wanted double the benefits.

My first morning on a strict laughter regimen, I began with exercises I found on the Internet. I held an imaginary cellphone to my ear and laughed into it for two minutes, and then transitioned to a move where I spread my arms, looked up at the ceiling, twirled, and laughed heartily for three. My fake laugh was unconvincing—the sounds were labored and maniacal, like a mall Santa who has had a long day—but I didn’t need to convince anyone. After the exercises, I felt a lightness in the top of my head that resembled joy.

* * *

There are two types of laughter: fake and genuine. But in the laughter therapy universe, a laugh is a laugh. Endorphins don’t care whether you’re laughing because a joke was funny or if you’re just imitating the sounds; if you go through a specific set of physical processes—open mouth, smile formation, “ha” noises—you feel better. According to several studies, laughter minimizes chronic pain, lowers blood pressure, improves alertness, helps with insomnia, and combats depression. In a 2010 Times article, psychoanalyst Rob Marchesani referred to laughter as “natural Xanax.”

I wanted some of that natural-Xanax-goodness, and not just because I yearned to laugh with the ease and whimsy of a likeable person. I craved more joy. I wanted to feel the way women are meant to feel when they eat 100-calorie yogurts: bubbly, free, sensual, ecstatic. Yet when I eat yogurt that pleases me, whether it's low-cal or even full-fat, I’m still a chronically depressed woman who relies on medication to live, a woman never too far from gloom. If I believed in the power of chemicals to do good things in messed-up brains, I figured, I should believe in the power of laughter, which, it turns out, is chemical.

Each day on my laughter diet began the same as a regular day: Wake up. Eat whatever half of sandwich is left on my pillow from the night before. Gear up emotionally to start working in bed, as a freelancer does. Grow saddened by the long stretch of day ahead, so full of nowhere-to-be and children’s gummy vitamins and reloading Twitter.

But on these mornings, when the prospect of existence antagonized and nagged at me, I fought back. I put on my novelty sailor cap (an impulse purchase from Croatia that is now the only thing I love), played a 12-hour laugh track reel, and strolled around my room, laughing, listening to laughing, and tipping my sailor cap at imaginary friends on the streets of Bushwick. Five minutes were enough to neutralize my mood. At nights, I’d repeat the routine, swapping a striped onesie for the sailor cap and subbing Broad City for the laugh track.

A fun feature of my apartment is that the M train goes through it. One night, the sound and rumbling woke me, even though I was three Advil PMs and two long-expired beers deep. I almost committed to fury, my go-to state, but then decided to try something different. “HA HA HA, HO HO HO, HEE HEE HEE,” I howled, making sure to engage my stomach, chest, and head with the techniques I’d learned on YouTube, the people’s university.

I finished laughing and the rumbling was gone. As the M is a sporadically-running trash train, I savored a luxurious 30-minute window to drift back asleep.

* * *

‘Laughter yoga’ is the combination of words that gives me the most dread. “Yoga” because I’ve never been able to touch my toes, privately or in front a group of skinny people, and “laughter” because being asked to laugh with strangers for a whole hour evokes the trauma of attending college improv shows. As I made my way to a free midtown laugh clinic, I worried that the group would find me out as a joyless loser who couldn’t even fake laugh like a real human.

There were five of us; everyone but me was a laughter yoga veteran. Two of them—short, jovial women in their late sixties—took off their shoes, so I did too. I smiled at everyone like smiling was a thing I always did.

Vishwa Prakash, our jovial instructor, began the class with “laughing introductions”: weaving in and out of each other, laughing hysterically and hugging each person we “met.” We then breezed through a series of exercises where we acted out goofy scenarios, again, laughing nonstop. We sprayed unwieldy hoses. We rode unwieldy motorcycles. We flossed our teeth. We flossed our brains. We were babies. We were monkeys. Between each laugh-experiment, we chanted the refrain— “HO, HO, HA, HA, HA” set to the motions of clap, clap, chicken flap, chicken flap, chicken flap —as we assembled back into a circle. Then, we’d cheer: “Very good, very good, YAYYY!!” before Vishwa explained the next move—whether singing “Deck the Halls” using only “Ha!” sounds, or convincing a police officer, in our most impassioned gibberish, that we had been wrongfully pulled over.

“Grabdly greeky ta ta baja hahahahaha,” I explained to a young Albanian woman as she belly-laughed. I waved my arms frantically, pointing to an imaginary traffic sign and making begging gestures with hands. “Hahahaha fla bee fla fla trun tak!”

It’s incredible how quickly you can adjust to your nightmare and even start to enjoy it. I guess this is my life now became my mentality after only five minutes. Laughter yoga was like improv comedy, but better, because it was improv’s total inverse: an abundance of laughter, yet zero pressure to be funny.

By the end of the hour my throat was dry and my cheeks ached. I don’t think I real-laughed once, as the others seemed to, but no one cared, especially not me. I was buzzing.

* * *

In 1900, French philosopher Henri Bergson published Le Rire, a book that explores the sociological significance of laughter. Bergson posits that for a person to laugh at a joke or a man who just slipped on a banana peel, that person must maintain a certain level of detachment from the seriousness of the subject’s situation. As in, the laugher doesn’t know the man who slipped, or that his girlfriend just broke up with him via Snapchat, compounding an all-around awful start to 2015.

Let’s forget about the man and look inward. Could the reverse work? To laugh at oneself or by oneself, then could that detach oneself from the seriousness of one’s own situation?

Yes. 100%. And that is an incredible tool to have in your Depression Toolbox.

“Laughter doesn’t change the facts; it changes how you relate to those facts,” Junkins told me. “It moves the challenges out of your face.”

One morning towards the end of the second week, I woke feeling especially sullen. After peeling my iPhone off of my sweaty thigh, an email told me I didn’t get the job I’d applied for, a blow made worse by having just spent $100 on several business blouses (my name for shirts that don’t have text on them).

My roommate was in a slump, too. New York is awful, we agreed, talking on the couch, egging each other on, yearning for Vitamixes we’d never afford, cursing the M train. But soon I had to excuse myself to laugh. My morning laughter exercises had become so routine, like coffee or self-loathing, that I couldn’t wait too long to do it. I chuckled off into my bedroom, closed the door, and spread my arms wide to open up my chest. The laughter still wasn’t organic—I hadn’t gotten better at human laughing, like I’d hoped—but the lightness crept into my chest and the buzz crept into my head. The high came quicker and easier.

The rest of my day felt relatively sunny. Junkins speaks on laughter around the country, and her favorite subject is ‘Hattitude:’ how goofy hats and clothes can transform your mood. Embracing this ethos, I slipped on my ankle-length, Philadelphia Phillies maxi dress over leggings and a turtleneck and laughed to myself on the subway, as I headed towards the café I reappropriate as my office. The magic of laughing alone for no reason, or prompted by a group of ladies spraying imaginary hoses at you, is that it weirds you out so quickly—being such an abrupt departure from the normal—that you forget to worry about anything real.

“Nothing changes a mood faster than laughter,” a woman in my class had said when we sat in our closing circle, each of us hoping no one traced the foot smells back to us personally.

I play a laugh track when I work now, pretending I’m on The Suite Life of Zach and Cody, a world of fun hijinks and miscommunications. Realized I forgot to take my birth control last night? Laugh track surrounds me. Picked my lip until it bled? Laugh track plays right through that. LOLz all around.

There are several activities I know feel good but don’t always find the time or chutzpah to do. Run. Exfoliate. Change my sheets. Change my pants. With laughter and ‘hattitude’ and exercised silliness, I vow to take the time, every day, to separate myself from the severity of aliveness. All it takes is a robot laugh, a real laugh, or even a sailor cap to experience that quick hit of release.

Maria Yagoda is a writer living in New York who aspires to own several dogs with underbites.

1 Comments
25 Feb 19:39

This Enormous, Ancient Black Hole Defies the Laws of Physics

by beckyjferreira@gmail.com (Becky Ferreira)
JohnBooty

A quasar so ancient that it still only has a 28.8 modem.

Today, astronomers announced the discovery of a gargantuan black hole powering an ultra-luminous quasarthe brightest and most powerful objects in the universe.

But its not just any old black hole. According to University of Arizona cosmologist Xiaohui Fan, who was part of the international team responsible for its discovery, the newly identified system contains the most luminous quasar and the most massive black hole ever found in the early universe. By the early [universe], we usually mean within one billion years from the Big Bang, Fan told Motherboard, adding that the current age of the universe is 13.7 billion years.

Quasars are formed when clouds of dust and debris fall into a supermassive black hole, and are forcefully ejected in twin jets of radiant particles above and below the hole.

This particular quasar, named SDSS J0100+2802, shines with the intensity of 420 trillion Suns. The black hole at its center is about 12 billion times as massive as our stara giant of truly mind-boggling proportions. Even the supermassive black hole at the center of the Milky Way is 3,000 times less massive than the monster powering SDSS J0100+2802.

Pic1.jpg

The newly discovered quasar SDSS J0100+2802, discovered the Lijiang 2.4meter telescope. Image: Zhaoyu Li/Shanghai Observatory.

SDSS J0100+2802 is more than a record-breaker, too. Its an ancient record-breaker. Located about 12.8 billion light years away, this quasar is extremely old and distant, and the light we are receiving from it today actually originates from the very dawn of the universe. According to Fan, it will have most likely evolved into an elliptical galaxy by now.

The quasars enormous size is highly unusual for the period in which it was born. As Fan and his colleagues explained in a forthcoming paper in Nature, to be published on February 26, these dimensions fly in the face of current cosmological models for quasar formation.

There are natural limits of how rapid a black hole can grow and how early they can grow, Fan said. The fact that this object is so massive and so early means we might have to adjust our models of how these natural limits work.

Its the understanding of scientists that, as material falls into a black hole, a large amount of light is ejected as a result. This ejected light has a radiation pressure that prevents more material from being gobbled up by the black holethus inhibiting the growth of the hole.

Pic2.jpg

The X-ray jet of quasar PKS 1127-145. Image: NASA/CHANDRA X-ray Observatory.

[O]ne can't grow a black hole too fast, Fan said. Accordingly, SDSS J0100+2802 may have developed far earlier than scientists thought possible. Another option is that the quasar may have developed much more rapidly than the more modern quasars observed by astronomers. Either way, its growth and behavior is unusual.

Fan and his co-authors, led by Peking University astronomer Xue-Bing Wu, first spotted the quasar in December 2013 using the Lijiang 2.4-m telescope in China. The discovery marks the first time such a distant quasar has ever been captured by a telescope of this modest size. Once it was found, several telescopes with higher resolution, including the8.4-meter Large Binocular Telescope that Fan helps operate in Arizona, confirmed its spectacular dimensions.

As with so many discoveries that pull the rug out from beneath prevailing consensus, the next step for the team is to collect more data. For this object itself, we are conducting more observations to study its surroundings, using facilities such as Hubble, Fan said. In addition, we are searching for more sky, hoping to find even more massive or more distant ones.

With ever more advanced telescopes, arrays, and surveys scanning the skies, the odds are that even weirder objects will be turned up in the coming years. It seems that the further astronomers reach back into time and space, the more our prevailing assumptions about the universe's infancy are challenged.

25 Feb 19:33

What Happens to a Fart in Space?

by Geekadelphia
(Sponsored Post / Eric Walter for WHYY/NewsWorks) “If you fart in zero G, you have a major...
25 Feb 04:05

Apotropaic Boners; or, How to Avoid the Evil Eye

by Anna Rasche
by Anna Rasche

AN00514634_001_l
Mandy Len Catron recently wrote an article for the New York Times entitled “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This.” After following a long formula laid out by the psychologist Arthur Aron, the last step was to “stare silently into each other’s eyes for four minutes.” Mandy and her partner are now successfully in love.

Intense eye contact as the pathway to a lasting romance isn’t a new realization. The ancient Greek novelist, Heliodorus, wrote “The origin of love…owes its first beginnings to sight, which strikes its passion into the soul.”

But to Heliodorus and his classical contemporaries, an intense gaze was just as likely to bring about pain and misfortune as true love. I’m talking, of course, about the Evil Eye.

Belief in the Evil Eye is the belief that certain individuals possess a supernatural ability to cause real physical harm through an ill-meaning glance. The Eye is always envious of those with better fortunes than itself, so those who find themselves in lucky circumstances are especially vulnerable to its gaze. The Evil Eye may be cast purposefully or by accident. It is not always possible to determine who holds the power of the eye, and sometimes the possessors themselves are unaware (which is scary).

Though a powerful and persistent superstition throughout much of the old world, the ancient Romans and their Italian descendants were particularly aware of the Eye’s presence. It is called the malocchio, and the possessor a jettatore on the peninsula. The dastardly effects (which range from mildly annoying to…well, evil) were thoroughly described by Giuseppe Pitre in 1889:

“If you have to speak or sing at a public gathering, all of a sudden you lose your voice or, if it’s at night, the lights go out; a window opens and your papers are either messed up or blown away…If you are in love and your love is returned, the jettatore can easily cool your girl’s passion. If you depend on a friend for some important business, you can be sure he’ll get sick just the day you need him while until yesterday he was ready to help out…A storekeeper…will begin to notice customers avoiding his shop. A child, under the influence of an occult and inexplicable illness, will begin to waste away.”

Naturally, this ever-present threat of invisible evil weighed heavily on the minds of believers, and protection was sought in many forms. For the ancient Romans, one of the more potent defenses against the Evil Eye was to distract it with amulets shaped like boners. For example, see the below pendant, which dates back to the 1st century A.D.
Figure 1

Or this one:

Figure 2

Or this carved gemstone:

Figure 3

According to Pliny the Elder, amulets featuring phalluses were worn by everyone from military generals to little babies. These two demographics in particular were thought to be popular targets for the Evil Eye, because in ancient Rome everyone was jealous of successful generals and families with babies that didn’t die. The ancient gold ring below measures only 1.3 cm across and was likely worn by a child.

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So why did the Romans choose to entrust their health, wealth, and well-being to disembodied penises?

Well, an impressive phallus was the chosen manifestation of the god Fascinus, a protector deity whose worship was entrusted to the vestal virgins. The word “fascinate” derives from his name. In ancient times, it was believed that by distracting the Evil Eye with sexually explicit imagery, it would become “fascinated” and forget to look your way. Plutarch recorded that “the strange look of (amulets) attracts the gaze, so (the Eye) exerts less pressure upon its victim.” In other words, the Evil Eye is a dick, so the best way to fight it is with more dicks.

The Romans didn’t just stick to boring old regular phalluses. They had all sorts of creative variations, which are perhaps best represented in artifacts known as tintinnabulum:

dicks56

Figure 7

These imaginative penis-themed wind chimes were hung outside of entryways to protect the whole dwelling from the Eye. They often have wings, and sometimes small figures are perched triumphantly on top. As you can see from the above examples, tintinnabulum get pretty meta, sometimes featuring an anthropomorphic dick with a dick of its very own and a suspiciously dick-like tail. It’s three times the evil-fighting dick power in one object!

Also showing up with frequency in the archeological record are apotropaic pendants carved as the mano fico, which is a saucy hand gesture representing a phallus inserted into a woman’s “fig,” as the Romans liked to call it. VERY distracting for evil eyes.

The mano fico symbol has remained a popular amulet and good luck charm through modern times, its obscene meaning being a bit more subtle than that of a penis with wings. Even during the famously prudish Victorian era, the author of the above illustration noted in 1895 that “the fist with protruding thumb is to-day one of the commonest of objects worn as a charm for the watch chain.”

Just to be sure that the Eye was definitely 100% distracted, many amulets (like the Roman horse trappings below) feature both phalluses and rude hand gestures.

Figure 9

Diversionary tactics are not the only reason phalluses were thought to be effective combatants of the Evil Eye. They are also rather pokey, and everyone knows that pokey things are the mortal enemy of eyeballs. Many of you will be familiar with the Italian horn or corno good luck charm, which is an equally ancient manifestation of the same principle. As a wise friend recently pointed out to me, erections are basically human horns, so it makes sense that the corno could be used for the same purpose as a phallic symbol. Today, cornos have become the pointy amulet of choice, as penis-shaped jewelry is no longer considered the norm (bachelorette parties being the exception).

You can buy them at a million places on the internet:

Figure 10

A lot of them look like sperms.

For Romans hoping to take their amulets to the next level of protection, all of the aforementioned charms could be made out of a material considered apotropaic even before being carved as a magical member. Red coral is perhaps the most potent of these materials, as classical mythology intimately links the birth of coral to the death of the Evil Eye.

As Ovid tells it, coral was created when Perseus beheaded Medusa. The famous snake-haired Gorgon had the power to turn a person to stone with her gaze, and can be interpreted as a physical manifestation of the Evil Eye. On one of his adventures, Perseus placed Medusa’s severed head on a bed of seaweed. Blood dripped from her wound, petrifying the plants and turning them red. Nymphs took the stoney seaweed and scattered it throughout the ocean, creating coral. Thus coral was associated with Medusa’s downfall, and and to this day is worn to bring luck and protect from evil influences.

The pendant below is a nice example of how coral power can be combined with penis power:

Figure 11

Christie’s described the piece as being “naturalistically modeled…the pubic hair rendered in three rows of separately applied tight, snail-like curls.” It is really tiny, only 7/8” long, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it was once strung on a necklace with multiple tiny coral penis brethren.

Figure 12 Though the Evil Eye was regarded by many a real and serious threat, the absurd qualities of these artifacts were very much appreciated by their ancient users. Laughter itself was considered an effective weapon in the struggle against anger, envy, and depression, and an element of humor would have added another layer of protective magic to these amusing amulets. The common expression from our time, laughter is the best medicine, of course adheres to the same sentiment.

Perhaps the best message to take away from all of this is that a good dick joke can dilute even the most potent of evil forces. Also, if you type “phallus” into the online collections search of The British Museum, 1,022 objects come up.

Anna Rasche tracks down antique jewels for Gray & Davis by day, and helps run The Society for the Advancement of Social Studies by night. She is also a curatorial fellow at the Cooper Hewitt Museum, where she writes about old wallpaper for their Object of the Day blog.

Image credits:
1. Copper amulet in the form of a winged phallus. 19th century copy of a larger Roman amulet. British museum 2003,0331.26.
2. Bronze Phallic Amulet, Roman, 1st Century A.D., Metropolitan Museum of Art 60.117.2. Gift of A. Hyatt Mayor.
3. Bronze Phallic Pendant, Mediterranean, University of Pennsylvania Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology 50-1-40. Gift of Mrs. R. Hare Davis.
4. Phallic Agate Intaglio, European, British Museum M.582.
5. Child’s Gold Ring, Roman, 100 – 200 A.D. Victoria & Albert Museum 465-1871.
6. and 7. Bronze tintinabulum in the form of a winged phallus with legs; British Museum, 1865, 1118.208. Donated by Dr. George Witt. And Bronze tintinabulum with small bells. Roman, 1st century A.D. British Museum, 1856,1226.1086. Bequeathed by Sir William Temple.
8. Mano Fico, or “figa fist” charm. Illustration from pg. 153 of The Evil Eye: An Account of the Ancient & Widespread Superstition by F.T. Elworthy.
9. Bronze Horse-trappings in the form of a phallus, Roman. British Museum.
10. Google image search.
11. Graeco-Roman Gold & Coral Phallic Pendant, 3rd – 1st Century BCE. Sold for $5,569 at Christie’s London Antiquites sale 5488 in 2010.
11. Bronze Titinnabulum, Roman, 1st Century AD. Museo Arqueologico de Barcelona. Image via Flickr.

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24 Feb 22:09

Grandma the murderer

by Jason Kottke

John Reed thinks his grandma poisoned a number of her relatives over many years. Maybe.

But here's the thing: You don't want to believe your grandmother is poisoning you. You know that she loves you -- there's no doubt of that -- and she's so marvelously grandmotherly and charming. And you know that she would never want to poison you. So despite your better judgment, you eat the food until you've passed out so many times that you can't keep doubting yourself. Eventually, we would arrive for holidays at Grandma's with groceries and takeout, and she'd seem relieved that we wouldn't let her touch our plates. By then, her eyesight was starting to go, so she wouldn't notice the layer of crystalline powder atop that fancy lox she was giving you.

So the question became: How did we explain to guests, outsiders, that they shouldn't eat grandma's food? One time, maybe on Passover, my brother brought his new girlfriend, an actress. Grandma had promised not to prepare anything, and it seemed she'd kept her word, so we didn't mention the poisoning thing to the girlfriend, but after we'd eaten lunch, Grandma came out of the kitchen with these oatmeal raisin cookies that looked terrible. They were bulbous, like the baking soda had gone haywire. My brother's girlfriend ate two of them, maybe out of politeness. We looked on, aghast. She had a rehearsal in the city, but she passed out on the couch and missed it.

Tags: crime   food   John Reed   murder
24 Feb 22:09

How To Play The Independent Games Festival's Grand Prize Nominees

by Evan Narcisse

How To Play The Independent Games Festival's Grand Prize Nominees

Each year, the Independent Games Festival rounds up standout games made by solo developers and smaller teams, awarding prizes to the best. The nominations for the 2014 calendar were announced today and, no surprise, they're all titles that are worth your time. Here's how you can play the titles in the running for the Grand Prize.

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07 Apr 18:13

Photo



27 Jan 17:58

Start a Career in Web Development in 5 Months

JohnBooty

"You too can write invalid late-90s table-based HTML forms in just FIVE MONTHS!"

I actually didn't notice anything past the non-monospaced font!

nycpriority1:

image

Are you new to web development but want to make a career in coding? Have you always wanted to program and design websites for a living?

New York City is proud to offer the NYC Web Development Fellowship, designed to train Fellows with the skills necessary to start a career in web development.

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I’m reblogging this because of that amazing code photo. You too can write invalid late-90s table-based HTML forms in just FIVE MONTHS!

17 Dec 14:45

Your Piggy Bank of Useful Links

by Tatiana Vasilyeva

Hello everyone,

The world of Ruby can be very enthralling, but when you’re a newbie it is so easy to get lost. Even a professional sometimes needs good Ruby and Rails programming tips as well as how-to’s to his/her favorite tools. No matter how experienced you are I bet you have your own piggy bank of useful links. In this post I aim to share my own one.

Ruby on Rails Tutorial by Michael Hartl is well known and needs no advertising. But if you are a RubyMine user you may be glad to know David Loeffler adopted it to RubyMine. You will find there everything you need to start with Ruby on Rails and RubyMine.

For those who like Michael’s tutorial and use RubyMine, I can also recommend Favorite RubyMine Tips video by Justin Gordon with tips and tricks that help being productive in the IDE.

Talking about video I can’t help sharing with you the daily lectures by Dave Jones. Especially Introduction to Ruby Programming, Ruby Programming II and Ruby on Rails Instruction courses.

Can’t imagine any developer without evening or morning blogs reading ritual. So you may want to add a couple of new ones to your blogs feed. Welcome Pivotal Labs with their blog on RubyMine among others.

Hopefully you know about RubyMine Tips of the Day and use them as well as Help Topics. But if you want more tips and like the card format for new information as I do, you probably will find Macandra Ruby cards pleasant and useful.

And of course there is a good crib to all useful resources from JetBrains – just take a look on Useful Links section on our Wiki main page.

And what about you, guys and gulls? What are your favorite Ruby, Rails and RubyMine resources?

04 Dec 18:31

Get Compile-Time View Errors in ASP.NET MVC

J. Power posts about the MvcBuildViews configuration setting for ASP.NET MVC, which shows compile errors in your view code at compile time. There's also a great comment from Chris recommending usin...
10 Oct 03:42

Arrested for Selling Fake iPhones Made of...Clay

by Brian Ashcraft
JohnBooty

But ppl like ANYTHING w/ an Apple logoo RITE?!?! wake up sheeple RONPAUL2014

Arrested for Selling Fake iPhones Made of...Clay

I'm pretty sure this isn't a real iPhone. Call it a hunch.

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