Sarah Jamison

I’m selling my mama’s farm. Yeah, I don’t really want to talk about it. I got an offer I could, but really shouldn’t, refuse. She’ll come back to haunt me for this, I swear.

Anyway, the lawyer wants the papers notarized and FedEx’ed back. Easy, right? Pff! No.

I cruised by my bank — bank managers are usually notaries, right? — pff! No. The teller didn’t even know what a notary is. The local solicitors knew, but didn’t have one on staff.

Turns out there are only, like, 900 notaries* in all of Britain. The nearest one was miles and miles away. By appointment only.

He was nice enough. Semi-retired corporate lawyer. He explained why they’re so scarce — to start with, they’re usually lawyers, and then they get three years of specialist training in things like Roman law (!).

I told him my grandfather was a notary and the bar wasn’t so high in the States. In the old days at least, all you had to do was get five people to swear you were a pretty good guy.

Anyway, he made me swear on the Bible! Twice! Then he stamped everything and sewed my deed together with green ribbon and charged me £80 — which is, like, $120. Phew.

But at least shipping it back with be a breeze, right? Pff! No!
 

*That isn’t including the Worshipful Company of Scriveners of the City of London, which are lawyers who speak multiple languages for some reason.

Stephen Fry with a cat.

Strawberry?

My friend Jeremy has a great policy: If you’re going to call in sick to work, make it something your boss will be too scared or embarrassed to question. He has used “I have to get my lung drained” on multiple occasions. The response is usually, “Oh God, take as much time as you need.” BINGO. Here are some more suggestions. Try them out and let me know how they worked for you.

• Organ rejections. “My body is rejecting the pig aorta I got when I was 17. Did you know I had a heart defect that caused me to need a pig aorta?

(via sizvideos)

mademoisellelapiquante:

Giampietrino | Madonna of the Cherries  (detail) | 1508-1510

griseus:

X-Ray Image of a Winghead SharK

The distinctive form of a winghead shark (Eusphyra blochii) is revealed by an X-ray image. The Winghead Shark, one of about ten species of hammerhead sharks, has its eyes set at the tips of its wide, T-shaped head, giving it superb binocular vision.

• Credit: Sandra Raredon/Smithsonian Institution

(via pleatedjeans:via)

This is the one where Troi gets pregnant. How? Well, when a tiny beam of sperm-shaped light and a woman love each other very, very much:

"Dat ass" - this lightsperm

…the lightsperm travels into any nearby spaceship and impregnates a half-human, half-Betazoid woman…somehow. It’s never made THAT clear how this works. And you know why?

"Special" my ass

Because this is the new ship’s doctor!!! Uggggghhhhh.

I’m Feather Mullet and I’m here to say / I’m super stupid in a stupid way

I just love Bev so much that I cannot abide any interloper, ESPECIALLY one who looks like AC Slater is in disguise as my Aunt Mary.

Anyway, there’s not a whole lot going on fashion-wise here, so thank goodness for Guinan.

Thank Goodness for Guinan, Mondays at 9/8c, this fall on ABC

Without that platter hat and this electric purple drapery, we wouldn’t have anything. Thank you, Guinan. Thuinan.

Troi is like “I feel weird” and Pulaski is like “uhhhhh, you’re pregs??”

"I need to see the fetus as LARGE AS POSSIBLE"

If I was planning to have children, this is how I would announce their birth on Facebook, except with my own face Photoshopped over Pulaski’s.

Deanna reacts as any woman would - with this “WHAAAAAA” face and with a LOT of blush:

Captain, I can’t add any more blush. I CAN’T.

Her makeup is too 80s for the 80s. She’s ringing in the 90s with a BOLD lip and a STRONG brow.

Her pregnancy progresses HELLA quickly, so we get to see her on the bridge in this kicky maternity outfit:

A pea in the pod on the bridge

Deanna’s beloved Bold Box color palette is in full effect here, with a dusty teal that fell straight out of County Seat and into our hearts:

You can take the girl out of Jersey, but you can’t take the girl out of jersey (knit fabrics)

My main question is: why isn’t Deanna wearing this ALWAYS? THIS SHIT LOOKS SO COMFY. You know I love a jumpsuit but if I had to choose, it would be this bathrobe and gown combo every day.

Data, get the FUCK away from me

However, it appears that she’s wearing a top made of one of those blankets they hang up in rehearsal studios to prevent the sound from leaking out. SHOUT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND THAT REFERENCE.

Okay, so now it’s time for the baby to be born. It gets graphic, y’all.

#BABBYBUTTS

This baby looks really clean. Also, wise:

The secrets of the universe are contained within my fontanelle

We go VERY quickly from that baby up there to this little scamp down here:

That’s a wig

Good to know that on the Enterprise, young men are started down the ugly sweater path early and often. 

Ian (Troi named the boy after her pops) goes to Enterprise School, which appears to consist of:

PUPPPPPIIIIIIEEEEEEESSSSSS

I have a lot of questions about these puppies.

1. Were they born on the Enterprise?

2. Does that mean there is a mama dog on the Enterprise?

3. If they were NOT born on the Enterprise, where did they come from?

4. Did they come from the replicator?

5. CAN I HAVE A PUPPY REPLICATOR?

6. Are there ethical considerations about a puppy replicator?

7. Fuck ethics, I want a puppy replicator.

In conclusion,

WAS I REPLICATED??? TELL ME, SARAH MCLACHLAN

Ian, who is now several years older than the last time we saw him, is wearing a beige nightmare.

I literally had a nightmare about that garment

Everyone is like “wow so weird that he’s growing so fast” but no one is THAT concerned except Worf, but of course everyone dismisses his VERY REAL SECURITY CONCERNS in favor of Troi’s cute kid.

Also, what is this kid learning/wearing:

Geometry lessons get WAY better when you’re on acid

I can’t see the print on his arms that well, but I feel confident in saying that I like it.

His pained expression is due to his beige catastrophe

BTW, this whole time, a PLAGUE specimen has been traveling on the ship as well. These are the safety precautions taken to protect the crew from the plague:

It’s called a Ziploc hat and it’s VERY in right now

You know that guy from a Wes Anderson movie. Look, here he is again:

MY MUSTACHE SENSES TROUBLE

I am seriously digging his California Casual hair.

Meanwhile, in Ten Forward, this person is wearing the letter Y:

As in, Y would U wear that

I do like that green.

Wesley is consulting with Guinan about his future while she wears a relatively subdued look:

Guinan, space nun

You know it’s serious because she has two collars.

So the end of this is that little Ian gets sick and DIES except not REALLY because he was never really the half human/half Betazoid creature we thought he was, he was just an alien who wanted to LEARN in disguise. It’s still pretty sad but also kind of funny:

I don’t feel well

I think I have disco fever

Please don’t go, my lightbaby

Bless you, lightsperm. Blightsperm.

In conclusion,

PUPPY REPLICATORS FOR EVERYONE.

Ayn Rand: Atlas Shrugged

Reader Submission: Title by Eric Gross.

Follow @DanWilbur for more “insights.”

Or else.

thedemon-hauntedworld:

M104 Sombrero Galaxy

The Sombrero Galaxy is an unbarred spiral galaxy in the constellation Virgo located 28 million light-years from Earth. It has a bright nucleus, an unusually large central bulge, and a prominent dust lane in its inclined disk.

Credit: Roberto Colombari on Astropics

In 1943, seeking to use psychological warfare to prevail in its efforts against the Japanese, the U.S. Office of Strategic Services hit on a strange plan. Noting that Shintoists might view the image of an illuminated fox as a harbinger of bad times, the agency’s experts suggested that “under extremely trying conditions” the Japanese “would be adversely affected by what they might consider an evil omen” and succumb to “fear, terror, and despair.”

How does one make a glowing fox? Planners started by experimenting with fox-shaped balloons covered in luminous paint and dangled by fishing line, but by the end of 1944 they’d shelved that idea and begun spraying live foxes with luminous paint, hoping to release them across the “entire field of combat,” calling this America’s “most potent” psychological tool against the Japanese.

The operation would begin by distributing pamphlets warning of impending evil and patterned after those of Japanese soothsayers. These would be airdropped and also spread by field operatives who would blow special reed whistles to simulate a fox-like “cry of the damned” and use powders and pastes to spread “fox odors.” The OSS also enlisted Japanese collaborators to “simulate persons possessed of the Fox spirit.”

To test the plan, the agency actually released 30 foxes in Central Park that “were painted with a radiant chemical which glowed in the dark.” As a result, according to one report, “Horrified citizens, shocked by the sudden sight of the leaping ghostlike animals, fled from the dark recesses of the park with the ‘screaming jeemies.’”

Heartened at this result, the planners set about procuring as many foxes as possible from China and Australia in anticipation of an Allied invasion of Japan. Only the war’s sudden conclusion, with the dropping of the atomic bomb, stopped the operation from going forward.

“Still, the development of their idea demonstrates how Americans during the war perceived the psychology of their Asian foe in a far different way than they saw their enemies in Europe,” writes Robert Kodosky in Psychological Operations American Style (2007). “Based on their notions of Japan’s primitive state, Americans produced plans like ‘Operation Fantasia’ for use against Japanese that stood as much more absurd than any European campaign they proved willing to consider.”

(Thanks, Meaghan.)

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Like a lot of kids of the 80s, I grew up watching It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown every year. I’ve always had an affinity for Peanuts, especially Lucy, Shroeder and Snoopy. And if you’re also an Arrested Development fan, you fangirled out when George Michael took his sullen, “Charlie Brown” head-down walks.

Though, truth be told, Halloween is actually my least favorite holiday. For some reason, it has always creeped me out. Which is why I don’t normally post about Halloween collections but I’m making a huge exception because, PEANUTS!! The Peanuts by OPI collection is actually making me excited for Halloween. This set of four nail polish shades pays homage to the classic comic and its most iconic characters.

The Story

Peanuts by OPI brings to life Charles M. Schulz’s comic strip characters for Halloween 2014. Inspired by “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown,” the four new limited edition nail lacquer shades include seasonal yellow and black crèmes, as well as two black-based glitter hues.

“‘It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown’ is a classic, beloved film,” explains Suzi Weiss-Fischmann, OPI Co-Founder & Brand Ambassador. “Peanuts by OPI celebrates the fun, youthful nature of Charlie Brown, Lucy, Linus and Snoopy with four limited edition nail lacquer shades designed to capture the spirit of Halloween. With two crème and two glitter options, you can switch between a cheery yellow or chic black look, or try adding a layer of glitter for a unique finish.”

The Collection

OPI Good Grief! – The sunny yellow of Charlie Brown’s favorite t-shirt.

OPI To Be or Not To Beagle – Snoopy’s happy-dance of colors in a joyful glitter.

OPI Where’s My Blanket??? – Linus awaits the Great Pumpkin in this orange and black glitter.

OPI WHO ARE YOU CALLING BOSSY?!? – This stormy black is no match for Lucy’s raven hair.

OPI Good Grief!	OPI To Be Or Not To Beagle
OPI Where’s My Blanket???	OPI WHO ARE YOU CALLING BOSSY?!?

Each of the four shades is also available in the Little Peanuts mini pack, which is sold with ten nail decals ranging from popular Peanuts phrases like “Good Grief!” and “Pow!” to sketches of Snoopy and the signature squiggle of Charlie Brown’s shirt.

“These stickers offer a playful, kitschy way to add instant art to nails,” adds Weiss-Fischmann. “My favorite decal pays tribute to Snoopy’s many kisses – ‘Smak!’”

I don’t know about you guys, but when I first looked at To Be or Not To Beagle, I thought the glitters were actually printed with the faces of the Peanuts gang. My mind is clearly playing tricks on me but it really looked like Lucy’s face at the bottom.

The cremes may not be the most unique but they fit with the theme and the glitters represent the colors of Peanuts and The Great Pumpkin beautifully. And I will definitely pick up the minis just to get the nail stickers. Commence ULTA stalking!

The Peanuts by OPI collection launches September 2014 at salons nationwide, including ULTA and ULTA.com. OPI nail polish retails for $9.50/ea for a .5oz bottle. The Little Peanuts mini set retails for $13.95. Visit OPI.com for more info.

Are you as excited as I am to see OPI partner with Peanuts? Do you think this means there are more collections to come? Do you plan to pick up any of these polishes?

Disclosure: Affiliate links appear in this post. When you purchase through an affiliate link, you help support this site. For more info view my Disclosure Policy.

The post Peanuts by OPI for Halloween 2014 – Coming Soon appeared first on All Lacquered Up.

Brilliant security question

(via fukung)

In 1959, as he prepared the seventh edition of his Textbook of Pediatrics, Waldo E. Nelson enlisted his family to help compile the index. Nelson would call out items from each page and his wife and three children would write them down on index cards.

Only after the book appeared did he notice this entry:

Birds, for the, 1-1413

It was removed in the next edition. The culprit, Nelson’s daughter Ann, later married pediatrician Richard E. Behrman — after he promised never to ask her to help him write a textbook.

I found this big fellow hustling across the grass under a walnut tree.  He had apparently fallen or been dislodged from the foliage above.  He would have made a tasty meal for a bird, so I brought him home and placed him in a terrarium with some walnut leaves.

That same night he spun a cocoon.  This late in the summer I wondered if he was going to enter diapause until next spring, but the transformation to a moth required only about ten days, and one morning I walked out to our screen porch to find this handsome Actias luna (Luna moth) drying his new wings.  That evening he flew away over the treetops.


The complex structure of the antennae identified him as a male, superbly adapted to detect minute quantities of pheromones in the air and track them along their gradient to a female.

Sadly, this beautiful and magnificent creature will live only about one week.  It has no mouth parts and thus cannot feed, surviving only on energy stored during the caterpillar stage.  The moth is really just nature's way of making more caterpillars.

Attention geeks: @DanWilbur

(via lawebloca:video)

_{"I need mysterious face. Can you show mysterious? I need more mysterious."}

Yep!

Title and Redesign by Rentz Leinbach.