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21 Jun 21:39

Jurassic World is Jurassic World

by noreply@blogger.com (Patrick Stuart)
The qualities and weaknesses of the film Jurassic World are almost exactly the same as the qualities and weaknesses of the park shown inside the fictional universe of Jurassic World.


It’s a Woody Allen film, the funny slightly-creepy dickhole you see on screen is the same as the funny slightly-creepy dickhole creating the story, there is almost a 1-to-1 comparison between the moral nature of the fiction and its creator. It is a self-portrait of a deeply flawed culture. Or it’s like the Hunger Games, a film about how awful it would be to live in a culture of ritualised child murder, in which the most key scenes are of expertly-detailed ritual child murder.



1. ITS A MIRROR


So the first smart thing the Jurassic World film does is make the logic behind the park the same as the logic behind the film.


In the fiction the dinosaur makers are desperate and fearful of losing money because their park is both derivative and highly over-capitalised. It cost a shitload of money to make and though it seems successful they bet so hard on it that they need to make an even-more insane amount of money back. They don't really trust or respect their product. They have Dinosaurs, which are fucking amazing, but the public is used to them and they need more. If they actually get more money, more attention, more everything, they will still be fucked as they will just piss that away on bigger and more risky investments, but that doesn't matter right now, they just need a new thing.


In our reality, the reality of the film-makers, exactly the same thing is happening. Jurassic Park is the go-to franchise for Dinosaurs and everyone has fond memories because after five or ten years, shit films become culturally invisible. No-one remembers them so, for the terms of marketing, they don't exist. Remember those shitty Die-Hard sequels? You do now but in twenty years you won't and the memory of Nakatomi Plaza will still be shining.


The producers are locked in a logic-box. Dinosaurs are not enough, everyone has them now, and, like the park and like every major summer blockbuster, they are massively over-capitalised. They need to make an INSANE amount of money to be considered a success. So they need something new. They need some fucking bullshit.


The conversations in the studio about the creation of the Insomnious Rex and the conversations in fictional In-Gen about the creation of the Insomnious Rex* are the same conversations. Even the memos are the same. And the mixture of childish glee and vague contempt with which the film regards the Indomnius rex is the same as the mixture of childish glee and vague self-loathing with which the executives regard the Indomnius rex. It’s a last-ditch attempt to save (or re-capitalise) the series, it’s also a basic admission on the part of the technicians in the park and the artists of the film that Dinosaurs are shit.


If Dinosaurs are shit and uninteresting then the moral existence of Jurassic World is void and you may as well just use the reconstructed beasts for meat and tools. That's in the fiction. If films with dinosaurs are shit then Jurassic World is like a painting by a painter who doesn't believe in the beauty of their subject. It's like a man looking at a women he doesn't like, trying to make her look beautiful and silently hating her. It’s kind of like the darker side of porn. Desire mingled with contempt. It degrades the painter and the subject.




2. GOOD DINOSAURS, BAD DINOSAURS


The way Jurassic World degrades its subject is just an extension of the way Jurassic Park degraded its subject but more egregious, with less love and more desire. A dark and recessive gene, only present in the first film, but brought to full expression in the 4th generation by relentless imaginative in-breeding.


And as I will state again, for an artist, contempt for the subject becomes contempt for yourself and contempt for the audience.


The Jurassic films have always played the trick of pimping animals as monsters.


It's an old genre trick.


A. T-Rex roar. They probably didn't roar. Why do they roar in the films? Because that’s what Alpha-Monsters do. We have learnt this from fiction. The T-Rex looks like an Alpha-Monster, so it has to sound like an Alpha-Monster. It must play the part we set for it. After all, we created it did we not? And the money that made it came from the entertainment industry. Why shouldn't it be our puppet?


B. Stegosaurus ass-up. As shown here the Jurassic films actually addressed this issue and then went back. Real Stegosaurus don’t feel heavy enough. Their tails would wag too much. They look like they are mincing a little. It’s slightly girlish, change it. Also they are too bright, grey them out.


C. Feathers. Feathers aren't scary. Feathers are feminine. Scales are scary, skin is ok. Boys like smooth objects. If a top predator is very bright and feathered we would have to shoot them differently the colour arrangement of the film would be different. And most importantly- the logic of light and danger would be different from other films. It would tell the story differently to other films, it would be different to other films. Change it. (We can add this to the theme of men in their thirties making films about childish things afraid of being seen as childish so sucking all the colour out of their films.)


D. Smaller Velociraptors. Obviously a no-goer.


I think in every case where Dinosaurs were presented in a way other than our most current and most accurate estimation of how they look they were :


- Masculinised. Less feathers, less bright, duller colours, made to look more 'heavy', not to tread lightly. Smoother.


- Monsterised. Less human-indifferent animal behaviour which you must work to understand. More human-focused behaviour that makes sense according to popular story logic. This animal is 'good' this one 'bad'. This one 'likes' this character, this other one 'dislikes' this character.


- Capitalised. Make them more like the other films, that’s what people recognise. Make them more like the IP so we can control the IP. Make it like a Trade-mark. Something we can own.




3. BUT ITS ALL SUPER IMAGINATIONS ANYWAY PATRICKS WHY NO BLACK HOBBITSSSS


If this was just a normal genre film full of inventive things it wouldn’t be that bad. So J.J.Abrams and Simon Pegg don't actually like Star Trek that much? They'd rather it was something else? Well fuck it, not much is lost, the good stuff still exists and you get some fragments of beauty out of it.


But Dinosaurs aren't Star Trek, they are a deep thing.


Reasons Dinosaurs matter


- Dinosaurs are from and are symbolic of, Deep Time. The long reaches of time change the perspective of humanity and its relation to the world in ways too total and powerful to cram into even a group of essays. I will simply say that a world in which deep time exists has fundamentally different moral implications than one in which it does not. I will assert that our relationship to fictionally-recreated dinosaurs is like a single very thin strand of our thinking about and relationship with the idea of deep time. They are that time made real, in the minds eye at least. And they are the most exciting, lively and life-imbuing avatar of that concept.


- The power shown in the fiction of the Jurassic World series is a vague shadow of an entirely-real power we will almost certainly have. We might not be able to resurrect Dinosaurs but we will be able to do a LOT with genetics. In talking about the power of our technology over life, Jurassic Park is talking about a really fucking important power that we increasingly have and that we have almost no experience with thinking about. ILM is just the herald of an In-Gen that will one day actually exist.


- In a wider sense, the films, and the Dinosaurs which are the engines of the film are about the relation of technology to nature and this relationship is probably the deepest and most important question of human culture that exists today. What is the validity and beauty and moral meaning of natural world? What should our relationship to it be? Is it a tool, a toy, a work of art, a simple means to live? if it has meaning, where does that meaning come from? What are our responsibilities?


- I will assert here that I think that Dinosaurs are beautiful and have a moral meaning, inherent to themselves, both in their actual previous existence in the real world, but also in the minds-eye are works of art and living beings, though they live only as webs of digital light.




4. IMMORTAN PAT


So I think the essential mediocrity and failure of imagination of the film betrays something more important than just a series of fictional ideas.


Beauty matters and the beauty of a strange form is a good thing to add to the world. A world in which Dinosaurs are feathered and bright and act like fucking dinosaursand the people watching have to work to understand something outside themselves, is a better world.


And, since the power and energy and life of the Jurassic films derives entirely from the existence and imagined re-construction of fucking Dinosaurs, not doing the fucking Dinosaurs properly, turning them into toys, is an act of fucking startling creative douchebaggery.


The films are based on the advances in our knowledge of Dinosaurs and those advances are actually fascinating and good and meaning-imbuing and they were ignored. This film is like a version of Apollo 13 where they get rescued by aliens.


Its weak and its awful and its morally wrong. They had the power and the capacity and the fucking mandate to make the world more interesting and beautiful andaccurate and wondrous all at the same time and they fucking failed and failed wilfully.

MEDIOCRE.





*I know, I know, it was a joke.

19 Jun 18:58

Fun online color brightness vision test

by Mark Frauenfelder
Zackc43

I surprisingly scored a 26.

My daughter, her friend, and I had fun taking this non-scientific color brightness vision test. You have to identify the one square that has a different brightness level within a grid of similarly colored squares.

Read the rest
19 Jun 18:09

Panthro is black

by Rob Beschizza

Thundercats depicted a race of catlike humanoids, not earthfolk. But we sense that Panthro is black—even though he can't be in the continuity of the show—because of how the character is coded.

Read the rest
18 Jun 11:50

Owner of "Relentless Gay" yard raising money to make yard MOAR GHEY

by Cory Doctorow



When Baltimore's Julie Baker hung some rainbow-colored solar lights in her yard, a helpful neighbor slipped a charming note through her door chastising her for her "Relentlessly Gay" yard, threatening to call the police unless it came into compliance with the "Christian" neighborhood ethic. Read the rest

17 Jun 18:18

Photo









16 Jun 19:33

Nintendo used to design Super Mario levels on graph paper

by Laura Hudson
Back in the day, every question mark block, goomba, and mushroom was sketched out by hand. Read the rest
15 Jun 13:24

This American Indian Dungeons and Dragons lets you weave powerful stories

by Daniel Starkey
Ehdrigor, a game created by a black, American Indian game designer, gently reflects the Native experience, and how that approach to storytelling differs from Western narratives. Read the rest
09 Jun 18:37

Artscape 2015 draws big-name headliners for three-day event

by Chris Kaltenbach
George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic will be the headliners at this year's Artscape festival, topping an entertainment schedule that will also include performances by The Reverend Peyton's Big Damn Band, Michael Franti & Spearhead and Trombone Shorty & Orleans Avenue.
09 Jun 16:22

What All Those Mysterious Japanese Food Emojis Really Mean

by Anjali Prasertong

Like many things cute and useful, emoji originated in Japan, which means many of the icons are specific to Japanese culture. With food being a vital part of the culture — there are at least 80,000 restaurants in Tokyo alone, according to Frommer's — it's no surprise that there are quite a few food and drink emoji that may leave you scratching your head. What's with all the shapes on sticks? Is that flan? And what's in that delicious-looking rice dish?

Our guide to Japanese food emoji answers those questions and many more. Itadakimasu!*

READ MORE »

09 Jun 14:48

Assist of the Day: Hero Hippos Help Duckling Trapped in Pond

by TDW

Sometimes you just need a little boost.

Two hippos were recently captured on video providing some assistance to a duckling that got stuck in a pool at Diergaarde Blijdorp Zoo in the Netherlands.

The little guy just couldn’t seem to jump high enough to make his escape, but fortunately his large friends were close by to help.

It might look like they’re just trying to eat him (they’re not) and you can’t clearly see the exact moment when they succeed, but you get the general idea.

These hippos are heroes, and their story is inspiration to us all.

Unfortunately they couldn’t save the person holding the camera from contracting vertical video syndrome.

The post Assist of the Day: Hero Hippos Help Duckling Trapped in Pond appeared first on The Daily What.

09 Jun 14:40

FIFA movie about how awesome FIFA is earns $607 in theaters

by Rob Beschizza

A perfectly-timed movie, presenting FIFA president Sepp Blatter as a valorous anticorruption crusader, has raked in $607—six hundred and seven dollars—at theaters in America.

Read the rest
09 Jun 12:25

#1132; My Everything Collection

by David Malki

Hate to see good stuff thrown away? Donate it to your local thrift shop and let them throw it away, out of your sight!

08 Jun 15:58

Trailer of the Day: Matt Damon Tries to Survive on Mars in First Look at ‘The Martian’

by TDW

Yet again, Matt Damon has been left alone out in space. The poor guy just can’t seem to catch a break.

On Monday, Fox released the first official full-length trailer for Ridley Scott’s new movie “The Martian.”

The film is based on the 2011 novel by Andy Weird, and here’s a basic description of the plot from the video’s caption:

During a manned mission to Mars, Astronaut Mark Watney (Matt Damon) is presumed dead after a fierce storm and left behind by his crew. But Watney has survived and finds himself stranded and alone on the hostile planet. With only meager supplies, he must draw upon his ingenuity, wit and spirit to subsist and find a way to signal to Earth that he is alive. Millions of miles away, NASA and a team of international scientists work tirelessly to bring “the Martian” home, while his crewmates concurrently plot a daring, if not impossible rescue mission.

It set to hit theaters in November and also stars Kata Mara, Kristen Wiig, Michael Pena, Sean Bean, Sebastian Stan, Jessica Chastain, Donald Glover and Jeff Daniels.

On Sunday, they released a different sort of teaser that was supposed to feel like an actual livestream chat with the crew of Ares 3 as they prepare to start their mission.

The clip was tweeted out by former NASA astronaut Mike Massimino to help make it feel all the more real.


Who’s ready to go to Mars!?! Astronaut Mark Watney introduces the Ares 3 mission and crew. #JourneytoMars http://t.co/BtN0G0VNfR

— Mike Massimino (@Astro_Mike) June 7, 2015

The post Trailer of the Day: Matt Damon Tries to Survive on Mars in First Look at ‘The Martian’ appeared first on The Daily What.

08 Jun 13:03

How To Make An Even Better Negroni

by Will Gordon on Adequate Man, shared by Rob Harvilla to Deadspin

The Negroni is a deceptively simple drink, which is one reason so many cocktail blowhards use it to gauge a bartender’s competence. They’re looking to see if the new guy remembers to use the right color of vermouth, and then if he manages to combine it in equal measure with both gin and Campari. The other major reason these upscale Jon Taffer wannabes use Negronis as a yardstick is because it’s always nice to have an excuse to drink more gin. Gin is so damn good. Better, even, than Campari, which is why it’s time to retire the traditional 1:1:1 ingredient ratio they teach you in bartender-evaluation school. That makes a good Negroni, sure, but we’re here to make a better one.

Read more...








04 Jun 18:51

And now, baby goats in pajamas

by Laura Hudson

Courtesy of Sunflower Farm Creamery, two Nigerian Dwarf goats named Winifred and Monty prance about in their pajamas.

04 Jun 12:06

Suburban Northern Virginians' 46 Worst Fears

by Albert Burneko on The Concourse, shared by Albert Burneko to Deadspin

Yesterday, a New York City man accidentally dropped his keys through a sidewalk subway grate, then fell to the bottom of the shaft when he tried to retrieve them, thus experiencing in short order at least two common fears of city life. In response, The Awl and Gothamist compiled lists of every New Yorker’s worst fears; both are funny and horrifying and good.

Read more...








03 Jun 14:26

Reaction of the Day: Boy Eats Ghost Pepper and Thinks He’s Going to Die

by TDW

Just because someone calls it a “challenge” doesn’t mean you have to actually do it.

A boy recently demonstrated his manhood, i.e., stupidity, by popping one of the hottest peppers in the world in his mouth and swallowing it whole.

It’s called a ghost pepper (aka Bhut jolokia) and according to the Scoville Scale which compares various peppers and hot sauces, it’s 208.29 times hotter than a jalapeño.

Pepper expert Scott Roberts told the NY Post that it feels “like the end of the world.”

So this boy’s reaction comes as no big surprise..

He starts crying, screaming like his insides are on fire, spitting into the trash and saying that he is going to die.

Let’s all just decide right now not turn this into any more of a “thing” than it already is.

People have been filming themselves eating these for years and it never turns out well for them.

Here are a few, take this as a warning.

The post Reaction of the Day: Boy Eats Ghost Pepper and Thinks He’s Going to Die appeared first on The Daily What.

29 May 02:18

The Wire: Tautology Supercut

by mshn_admin

Up until now I never knew what a tautology was, but there sure was a shitload of them in The Wire, and watching them for three minutes straight was far more entertaining that I would have imagined.

The post The Wire: Tautology Supercut appeared first on MASHKULTURE.

26 May 15:42

The Beschissen Curve

by Rob Beschizza
beschizzen-beschizza With respect to the finding that cheap wine is as good as expensive wine, I respectfully submit that free wine is better than any other wine.
22 May 13:51

Parody of the Day: Watch the Extended ‘Game of Thrones’ Musical from Red Nose Day

by TDW

We’ve seen Tyrion sing about not dying and Jamie Lannister sing about being in love with his sister, now you can watch the entire behind-the-scenes video in which Coldplay’s Chris Martin attempts (and fails) to produce a “Game of Thrones” musical.

The comedy skit was presented on Thursday night as part of Red Nose Day in the U.S., a celebrity-packed event to raise money for children living in poverty, and an extended 12-minute version has been uploaded to Coldplay’s YouTube account.

This includes longer performances from the characters than what was televised, including Jon Snow singing “Wildling” to Ygritte.

Among those from Westeros who make appearances in the skit (narrated by Liam Neeson) are Kit Harrington, Peter Dinklage, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Emilia Clarke, Iwan Rheon, Thomas Brodie-Sangster, Mark Addy, John Bradley-West, Rose Leslie, Alfie Allen and Charlotte Hope.

“When I first heard about it, I was a little bit skeptical,” says Add (Robert Baratheon). “But now I’m completely convinced. It’s a horrible idea.”

The best part is probably a tense/hilarious moment when the two actors who play Theon and Ramsay Snow lock eyes before embracing as old friends.

All of the songs are actually really catchy, including “Rastafarian Targaryen” and one about the infamous Red Wedding with much of the cast gleefully singing about the unfortunate event.

“Red Wedding, Red Wedding. Lots of stabbing and a bit of beheading,” they sing. “‘The Rains of Castamere’ are here to stay.”

Spoiler alert: The musical doesn’t ever actually make it past the recording sessions and rehearsals. #ThanksGeorgeRRMartin

But “‘Taken’ on Ice” might be given the green light instead.

The post Parody of the Day: Watch the Extended ‘Game of Thrones’ Musical from Red Nose Day appeared first on The Daily What.

19 May 14:16

A Map Showing The "Most Distinctive" Causes Of Death By State

by George Dvorsky

For the most part, the things that kill Americans are fairly consistent from state to state. But as this new map by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention clearly shows, not all states are equal when it comes to certain risks.

Read more...








15 May 19:18

Watch a parrot pull a boy's loose tooth

by David Pescovitz

Watch Anton Adnroshcuk's pet parrot pull his tooth. "This is the 5th one hes pulled already," he writes.

15 May 13:24

Photo



14 May 17:51

Burn

by Timothy Burke

Have something you think we should know? Email us at tips@deadspin.com, or contact our writers directly , or use our SecureDrop system. You can also follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook.

Read more...








14 May 15:13

Swimming with alligators

by Rob Beschizza
"In the summer of 1987," writes Harrison Scott Key, "my father tried to murder me with an alligator."

Go," Pop said.

Read the rest
13 May 12:44

Madhouse

by JB
This place...Paraguay...is a madhouse. In so many ways, but today especially, what with everyone in the city preparing for yet another four day weekend. It's like the locusts have descended and are devouring everything...except we're talking the supermarkets and marketplaces, rather than the fields. All I wanted was some yogurt for the kids. And some fruit. Oh...and beer. But...just madness. These folks are preparing for siege or something.

Anyway, Tuesday is "chore day" around this neck o the woods, and the traffic and general chaos rendered it an all too "get nothing done all day" day. Which sucks but whatever. I'm in the middle of writing a waaaaay too long post on The Land of the Lost (among other things) that I started yesterday, but I don't know if/when it will get finished/posted. It may need to be serialized...but, then again, it may not be interesting enough to be worth the bother.

[ooo...which reminds me that I need to do a post about "self-doubt" one of these days]

So rather than give folks nothing, here's a fun little survey that will answer that oft-posed question to yourself, "What D&D Character Am I?" Go check it out; it's a fun little java that will spit out your class-race-alignment combo, complete with ability scores. For those who care, here's mine:

I Am A: Lawful Good Human Fighter (6th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-13
Dexterity-15
Constitution-13
Intelligence-14
Wisdom-15
Charisma-14

Alignment:
Lawful Good A lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act. He combines a commitment to oppose evil with the discipline to fight relentlessly. He tells the truth, keeps his word, helps those in need, and speaks out against injustice. A lawful good character hates to see the guilty go unpunished. Lawful good is the best alignment you can be because it combines honor and compassion. However, lawful good can be a dangerous alignment when it restricts freedom and criminalizes self-interest.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Fighters can be many things, from soldiers to criminal enforcers. Some see adventure as a way to get rich, while others use their skills to protect the innocent. Fighters have the best all-around fighting capabilities of the PC classes, and they are trained to use all standard weapons and armor. A fighter's rigorous martial training grants him many bonus feats as he progresses, and high-level fighters have access to special melee maneuvers and exotic weapons not available to any other character.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

The survey/game stats are D20-based and, yes, it's possible to return a multi-classed character or non-human. I should note that, according to the survey FAQ:
Adventurers tend to have higher [ability] scores than the rest of the population. This test takes that into account. The test doesn't give you your 3d6 self, but your 4d6 self. So most scores would be one or two points lower in "real" life.
Which suddenly means my ability scores make a lot more sense. I was wondering how I ended up with a 13 (above average) Strength score, for instance. Sure, I've done some yoga, but 11 seems a lot more accurate. Especially considering I was answering questions with "I'm sick most of the time," and "I have a hard time running" (in hindsight, neither of these are incredibly accurate, but they seemed better answers than my other choices. Per the FAQ, however, I was supposed to err "up" rather than down).

"Here I come to save the day..."
I was not terribly surprised by the results, however. Lawful Good is pretty close to my real life perspective (though I don't think I've ever played a D&D character that was LG), and human fighter, well...yeah. I'm kind of a neanderthal.

[I actually thought I might end up a druid with answers like "I hate the city" and "Nature is greater than Technology" and stuff. Nope. Per the detailed notes, my next highest class was a tie between Bard, Cleric, and Paladin. Yeah, I'm not really into camping]

The survey stats show that most people taking the quiz fall into the Wizard class, with the second highest being Sorcerer and Ranger. Almost no one shows up as a Barbarian (I'd think you'd have to really make a point of answering the quiz with an eye towards brutality and iconoclasm). I guess you'd expect that from an internet quiz.

All in all, it's not a terrible character...certainly playable. It's too bad it didn't pick my feats and skills for me (I guess it'd need a pretty sophisticated program to do that), but for a 6th level fighter, I suppose I could do the little work required to round it out (oh, wait...I'm human and have a +2 modifier for INT, so I've got to 5 skill points per level to figure? *sigh* maybe not). As B/X character, it would be quite good (and would work since the only fighters ARE humans). Do I really speak more than one language, though? My spanish is pretty terrible...

Like I said, I don't have much time today, so I leave you this to play with. Knock yourselves out!

[and please: if you're a regular reader here, I'd love you to post your results in the Comments section so I can better judge/pigeon-hole you in my mind's eye]
; )
13 May 12:40

Akomplice OLOP Capsule

by mshn_admin

Akomplice pays tribute to one of the biggest if not the biggest names in fashion with a new capsule collection. The collection draws inspiration from the inverted form of Ralph, while tipping its hat to the design of the classic American heritage brand. Consisting of button ups, t-shirts, polos, bucket hats and a belt, the collection is available now through the Akomplice webstore.

The post Akomplice OLOP Capsule appeared first on MASHKULTURE.

12 May 11:56

What's In The Middle Of The Castle?

by noreply@blogger.com (Zak S)
Roll d20 2-8 (2d4) times and consult the picture to find out what's in the courtyard.
click to enlarge

12 May 11:45

As people get older, they listen to less hot music: the "Coolness Spiral of Death"

by Clive Thompson
coolnessspiralofdeath Data from Spotify appear to confirm why your parents are so out of it: As people get older, they listen to less hot music of the moment, and instead just queue up the oldies. Read the rest
12 May 11:42

Game of the Day: Bird’s-Eye-View Headsets Turn Soccer Players Into Zombies

by TDW

Technology is supposed to make life easier, and in this case, it only made things worse.

A TV show in Norway called “Golden Goal” strapped headsets onto some soccer players so that they could only see a bird’s-eye-view of the field.

And the result is absolutely hilarious.

It’s not exactly the most exciting game in the world, but watching them try to navigate around and connect with the ball is pretty entertaining.

The players stick their arms out like a horde of zombies and hobble around just as slow.

At one point the goalie just lays down to make it easier to block any shots, which was the smartest thing he could have done.

Way to use your braaaaaaains…

soccer1

soccer3

soccer2

The post Game of the Day: Bird’s-Eye-View Headsets Turn Soccer Players Into Zombies appeared first on The Daily What.