There was a lot going on in the Patriots locker room after the win over the Colts. There was Charles Barkley dropping real talk on the future of the franchise. And there was Tom Brady left hanging for the third time this season.

Previously:

and

[via]

In which Bill Murry takes time out of his busy schedule dropping in on random quinceañeras in Iowa to answer questions about Garfield, sandwich, fan interactions, Lost in Translation, and SNL for Reddit.

Somehow, it’s even better than it sounds. Here’s the best of the length question-and-answer.

(See it all one page here.)

someone asked “what movie was the most fun to act in” and deleted their comment, so here goes:

Well, I did a film with Jim Jarmusch called Broken Flowers, but I really enjoyed that movie. I enjoyed the script that he wrote. He asked me if I could do a movie, and I said “I gotta stay home, but if you make a movie that i could shoot within one hour of my house, I’ll do it.”

So he found those locations. And I did the movie.

And when it was done, I thought “this movie is so good, I thought I should stop.” I didn’t think I could do any better than Broken Flowers, it’s a film that is completely realized, and beautiful, and I thought I had done all I could do to it as an actor. And then 6-7 months later someone asked me to work again, so I worked again, but for a few months I thought I couldn’t do any better than that.

The rumor is that you went up to someone that was eating french fries, and took a french fry and ate it and said: “No one will believe you.” Did this really happen, or is it an urban legend?

Well I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Someone asked “will there be a Garfield 3?”

I don’t think so. I had a hilarious experience with Garfield. I only read a few pages of it, and I kind of wanted to do a cartoon movie, because I had looked at the screenplay and it said “Joel Cohen” on it.

And I wasn’t thinking clearly, but it was spelled Cohen, not Coen.

I love the Coen brothers movies. I think that Joel Coen is a wonderful comedic mind.

So I didn’t really bother to finish the script, I thought “he’s great, I’ll do it.” So then it was months before i got around to actually doing it, and I remember i had to go to a screening room in somewhere, and watch the movie and start working. And because they had had trouble contacting me, they asked my friend Bobby to help corral the whole situation together. So Bobby was there, and you know when you’re looping a movie you’re rerecording to a picture?

So this was an odd movie because the live footage had been shot, but the cat was still this gray blob onscreen. So I start working with this script and I’m supposed to start re-recording and thinking “I can do a funnier line than that” so I would start changing the dialogue that was written for the cat. Which kind of works, it sort of generally works, but then you realize the cat’s over here in a corner sitting on a counter, and I’m trying to think how I can make it make sense. So the other characters are already speaking these lines, and so I’m going “did he really say THAT?” and you’re kind of in this endgame of “how do I chess piece myself out of this one?”

So I worked like that with this gray blob and these lines that were already written, trying to unpaint myself out of a corner. I think I worked 6 or 7 hours for one reel? No, 8 hours. And that was for 10 minutes. And we managed to change and affect a great deal.

The next day I came into work and the producer gave me a set of golf clubs, and I thought “that was kind of extreme, especially since I can’t go play.” And the second reel was even HARDER because the complications of the first ten minutes were triangulated. It was really hard to write my way out of that one. And there were all these people on the other side of the recording studio, and at the end of the reel I was SOAKED In perspiration. I had drunk as much coffee as any columbian ever drank, and I said “you better just show me the rest of the movie.” And they showed me the rest of the movie, and there was just this long, 2 minute silence.

And I probably cursed a little, and I said “I can fix this, but I can’t fix this today. Or this week. Who wrote this stuff?”

And it appeared that one of the people behind the screen was the misspelled Joel Cohen. And I said “how could you have THAT scene take place before this scene? This can’t possibly happen? Who edited this thing?”

And another person behind the glass was the editor of the film. He quit the film that week to go work on another job, so that began a long process of working on the film. I worked the rest of the week on it, and I said “Bobby it is still nowhere near done. But I can’t fix it all, we have to try to do this again.”

It was sort of like Fantastic Mr Fox without the joy or the fun. We did it twice in California, and once in Italy when I was working on the life Aquatic, we were working on an INSANE place in Italy, with a woman who was a voice from above interrupting everything, I cursed again, and she left to take another job, and that was just the first once.

And we managed to fix it, sort of. It was a big financial success. And I said “just promise me, you’ll never do that again.” That you’ll never shoot the footage without telling me.

And they proceeded to do it again. And the next time, they had been shooting for 5 weeks. And I cursed again. I said “I just asked for one little thing, letting me know.” and that one was EVEN HARDER. The second one was beyond rescue, there were too many crazy people involved with it. And I thought I fixed the movie, but the insane director who had formerly done some Spongebob, he would leave me and say “I gotta go, I have a meeting” and he was going to the studio where someone was telling him what it should be, countermanding what I was doing.

They made a movie after that second miscarriage, that went directly to video. So they sort of shot themselves in the foot, the kidneys, the liver and the pancreas on the second one. If you had a finer mind working on them? The girl, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, she was sweet. In the second movie they dressed her like a homeless person. You knew it wasn’t gonna go well.

Every year my dad and I watch Groundhog Day together on Groundhog Day. It’s one of my favorite movies of all time. What was it like filming the same scenes over, and over, and over?

Well, that part was fine, the filming of the scenes over and over because you know that’s what the story is. The scripts is one of the greatest conceptual scripts I’ve ever seen. It’s a script that was so unique, so original, and yet it got not acclaim. To me it was no question that it was the greatest script of the year. To this day people are talking about it, but they forget no one paid any attention to it at the time. The execution of the script, there were great people in it. It was a difficult movie to shoot because we shot in winter outdoors. If you ever get to go to Puxatawney, you should go, it is one of the few things that is BETTER than advertised. It’s really something to see. But doing the movie, shooting the scenes over and over, it’s like an acting challenge. It’s like doing a play and those same scenes over and over and again, so you can try to make it better or deeper or funnier than you made it previously.

What do you think of the current SNL cast?

They’re good. I don’t know them as well as I knew the previous one. But i really feel like the previous cast, that was the best group since the original group. They were my favorite group. Some really talented people that were all comedians of some kind or another. You think about Dana Carvey, Will, Hartman, all these wonderful funny guys. But the last group with Kristen Wiig and those characters, they were a bunch of actors and their stuff was just different. It’s all about the writing, the writing is such a challenge and you are trying to write backwards to fit 90 minutes between dress rehearsal and the airing. And sometimes the writers don’t get the whole thing figured out, it’s not like a play where you can rehearse it several times. So good actors – and those were really good actors, and there are some great actors in this current group as well I might add – they seem to be able to solve writing problems, improvisational actors, can solve them on their feet. They can solve it during the performance, and make a scene work. It’s not like we were improvising when we made the shows, but you could feel ways to make things better. And when you get into the third dimension, as opposed to the printed page, you can see ways to solve things and write things live that other sorts of professionals don’t necessarily have. And that’s why I like that previous group. So this group, there are definitely some actors in this group, I see them working in the same way and making scenes go. They really roll very nicely, they have great momentum, and it seems like they are calm in the moment.

Does that make sense?

What did you whisper in Scarlett Johansson’s ear at the end of Lost In Translation?

You know? I forget.

What was the oddest experience you had in Japan?

The oddest… well, I was eating at a sushi bar. I would go to sushi bars with a book I had called “Making out in Japanese.” it was a small paperback book, with questions like “can we get into the back seat?” “do your parents know about me?” “do you have a curfew?”

And I would say to the sushi chef “Do you have a curfew? Do your parents know about us? And can we get into the back seat?”

And I would always have a lot of fun with that, but that one particular day, he said “would you like some fresh eel?” and I said “yes I would.” so he came back with a fresh eel, a live eel, and then he walked back behind a screen and came back in 10 seconds with a no-longer-alive eel. It was the freshest thing I had ever eaten in my life. It was such a funny moment to see something that was alive that no longer was alive, that was my food, in 30 seconds.

Hi Bill, welcome to Reddit! Yes, people, this is the real Bill Murray. Verified.

I guess? I’ve got ID. I have a passport and a driver’s license. That should get me to Tijuana anyway from here.

How was your experience working on Fantastic Mr.Fox. This is an amazing movie.

Well that was great fun. It was great fun, because it just dragged on and on and on. And it was this fun bunch of people. First we went to our friend’s farm, and we all stayed at her place for a handful of days while we recorded during the day and then at night we would have these magnificent meals and we would all tell stories. We had a LOT of great food, a lot of great wine and great stories. It went on until people started literally falling from their chairs and being taken away. And then we had to go to another place and do it again, we went to George’s place, but then something happen and the whole party broke up, and George said “you don’t have to go, do ya” and I didn’t, so we just kicked around Northern Italy for a while. It was a real fiesta. And then Wes was working in England, so I had to fly to England for like 3 days to re-record, but the re-recording only took about 70 minutes, so that was fun. And then I had to go to Paris, once again, another disaster having to go to Paris to re-record for 20 minutes. It was a terrible, terrible experience. That was a really good job and he did a great job on the film. And Wes’ brother Eric did a great job as the character, he was just amazing. To me he was the high point of the whole thing. And the artisans working in England that built all those sets and did all that work, the mechanicals, to see them work – that was like a treasure. That was like getting to go backstage to see the finest artists at work.

Bill, what’s the best sandwich you’ve ever ate in your life and where was it from?

You know, there’s a place not far from Warner Brothers, I think it was called the Godfather? And they made all kinds of sandwiches with smashed avocado and sprouts and stuff like that. And they really tasted good. And when you were having a bad day, I remember a particularly rough movie, you’d get sandwiches from this place. And they were very filling and very tasty, and then you’d forget about the morning.

How do you feel about recreational marijuana?

Well that’s a large question, isn’t it? Because you’re talking about recreation, which everyone is in favor of. You are also talking about something that has been illegal for so many years, and marijuana is responsible for such a large part of the prison population, for the crime of self-medication. And it takes millions and billions of dollars by incarcerating people for this crime against oneself as best can be determined. People are realizing that the war on drugs is a failure, that the amount of money spent, you could have bought all the drugs with that much money rather than create this army of people and incarcerated people. I think the terror of marijuana was probably overstated. I don’t think people are really concerned about it the way they once were. Now that we have crack and crystal and whatnot, people don’t even think about marijuana anymore, it’s like someone watching too many videogames in comparison. The fact that states are passing laws allowing it means that its threat has been over-exagerated. Psychologists recommend smoking marijuana rather than drinking if you are in a stressful situation. These are ancient remedies, alcohol and smoking, and they only started passing laws against them 100 years ago.

Do you still talk to your deaf/mute assistant? If so, does he pretend like he can understand what you’re saying?

Well, we didn’t part well. I don’t communicate with her, she was a she. I was sort of ambitious thinking that I could hire someone that had the intelligence to do a job but didn’t have necessarily speech or couldn’t quite hear or spoke in sign language. She was a bright person and witty but she had never been away from her home before and even though I tried to accommodate more than I understood when I first hired her, she was very young in her emotional self and the emotional component of being away from her home was lacking. I tried my best, but I was working all day. She was lovely and very smart, but there’s a lot of frustration when you meet people who can’t speak well. Being completely disabled in that area causes a great amount of frustration, and this was going back 30 years or so before ether were the educational components that there are today. It didn’t go particularly well for me, but for a few weeks she really was a light and had a real spirit to her. She was like one of your own kids that never had a job, and then they get a job and realize that certain things are expected, and you can’t react to everything you don’t like or care about. So the first time you have a job and someone says “you have to do this” – it was more complicated than she imagined. We were both optimistic, but it was harder than either of us expected to make it work.

(I’m ducking out of using a cute GIF for this response.)

Do you like peanut butter and pickle sandwiches? I do.

No, I like pickles, I put pickles in lots of sandwiches. I’m big on pickles, but I’ve never had them with peanut butter. I really like peanut butter though. I’m kind of surprised because I like them both so much that I haven’t combined them.

What is it like being so awesome?

Well, nothing prepared me for being this awesome. It’s kind of a shock. It’s kind of a shock to wake up every morning and be bathed in this purple light.

Hi Bill, for some reason my computer has started playing up, freezing and opening random pages when I tried to open up this link. I think my computer is excited that you are on Reddit. I just wanted to ask you, what is one of your best memories of meeting a fan?

The best experience with a fan? It happens sometimes where someone will say “I was going through a really hard time. I was going through a really hard time, and I was just morose or depressed.”

And I met one person who said I couldn’t find anything to cheer me up and I was so sad. And I Just watched Caddyshack, and I watched it for about a week and it was the only thing that cheered me up. And it was the only thing that cheered me up and made me laugh and made me think that my life wasn’t hopeless. That I had a way to see what was best about life, that there was a whole lot of life that was wonderful. And I happen to know (from her own spirit) that that person has really triumphed as an artist and as a human being, and if it’s just a moment when you can reverse a movement, an emotion, a downward spiral, when you can quiet something or still something and just allow it to change and allow the real spirit rise up in someone, that feels great.

I know I’m not saving the world, but something in what I’ve learned how to do or the stories that I’ve tried to tell, they’re some sort of representation of how life is or how life could be. And that gives some sort of optimism. And an optimistic attitude is a successful attitude.

Fuck, 30 minutes late. Now Bill Murray won’t ever acknowledge my existence.

What? What do you mean by that? Acknowledge your existence?

If you’re acknowledging your existence, and I’m acknowledging it, it’s happening.

Hi Bill, you are the inspiration for a presentation my colleague Mike made about advertising on reddit: “Making Ads Suck Less (Or Why Brands Should Be More Like Bill Murray)”. Will you pretty please take a look at the presentation and tell us what you think? We would love a quote from you, our hero and spiritual guide.

Well I don’t know if brands should be more like Bill Murray, but there’s no question they should suck less. I think if you just hold that though in front of yourself, like a marching brand trumpet player has the music mounted on his trumpet, about how to make ads suck less, then that will inform your daily life. It will be the last thing you think before you go to bed, and the first thing you think about in the morning, and you will add up the cumulative data of which ads are bearable to you, which ads you respond to. Ads aren’t bad in themselves. It’s just the attitude. We all have to go to the store, we all have to have groceries, but there’s a way to sell you things to make the exchange more of a human one. Sometimes you buy things from someone because you like their style. They watch with some fascination about the way YOU choose. If you think the ad will work backwards to what you’re trying to tell them in the first place.

If you could go back in time and have a conversation with one person, who would it be and why?

That’s a grand question, golly.

I kind of like scientists, in a funny way. Albert Einstein was a pretty cool guy. The thing about Einstein was that he was a theoretical physicist, so they were all theories. He was just a smart guy. I’m kind of interested in genetics though. I think I would have liked to have met Gregor Mendel.

Because he was a monk who just sort of figured this stuff out on his own. That’s a higher mind, that’s a mind that’s connected. They have a vision, and they just sort of see it because they are so connected intellectually and mechanically and spiritually, they can access a higher mind. Mendel was a guy so long ago that I don’t necessarily know very much about him, but I know that Einstein did his work in the mountains in Switzerland. I think the altitude had an effect on the way they spoke and thought.

But I would like to know about Mendel, because i remember going to the Philippines and thinking “this is like Mendel’s garden” because it had been invaded by so many different countries over the years, and you could see the children shared the genetic traits of all their invaders over the years, and it made for this beautiful varietal garden.

Where was the last place you played golf and where is your favorite place to play golf?

My favorite place to play golf is in Ireland. that’s where my ancestors come from, and it’s the most beautiful country to play golf in, and when you come as a guest to play golf you are treated like a king.

And the last place I played golf? Well the last place I can think of is I was working on a job in Hawaii with Emma Stone, and one day I got to play golf at a place called Weilea on a place called Oahu. I played with Scott Simpson, and I played with 3 other great, great Hawaiian guys who were SO much fun and so positive, and one was the club champion. And when you play with great players, you play better, it just elevates your game. A high tide raises all boats, you’ve heard that one?

I played so well, I won $50. Winning $50 playing golf? That’s money. So I won $50, and they couldn’t believe I could putt, and that I didn’t choke. We played into the sunset on the pacific ocean, with leaning palm trees, laughing the entire time.

But then this very positive group of people said on the next day, “we want to take you on a outrigger canoe to go surfing waves in the pacific.”

It was delirious. It was something everyone should get a chance to do.

That was a round of golf, where it went EVEN further. And they now are my friends.

And I went from the surf, to the plane, and that was the end of my job. I was all salty, I had a lei around my neck, I was charmed.

This is why humans shouldn’t play God:

This latest entry in the never-ending Doritos Gourmet series features the inimitable flavor of rich mayonnaise and the “full-bodied mellow, sweet taste of shrimp.” According to Frito-Lay Japan, the result is a “luxury taste.” … Feel free to conduct your own taste taste beginning January 20th, when Shrimp Mayonnaise Doritos are scheduled to hit store shelves in Japan – and ONLY in Japan. The 75 gram bags are are limited edition, as are most if not all of the Doritos Gourmet series, and will be yanked on March 17, 2014. (Via)

Here are some combinations of foods I’d eat before shrimp and mayonnaise:

-Durian and barbeque sauce

-Rump roast and syrup

-Jell-O and hot sauce

-Shrimp and ketchup, shrimp and doughnut glaze, shrimp and crabapple juice, shrimp and anything but mayo.

Via Inventor Spot

Right now, I must confess, I'm feeling queasy about my stash of Sarah Palin porn. I was collecting it with a mind to write an article about it, I swear. I thought it was funny and revealing that the Great American Subconscious was percolating up Photoshopped images of Palin getting fucked by Barack Obama's giant socialist cock.

Read more...

You know how you and your roommates have all been using your parents’ HBO Go password to watch Game of Thrones for the past two seasons because you decided to start investing the cable money into your new online exotic animals business? Totally cool, says HBO’s CEO.

“It’s not that we’re unmindful of it, it just has no impact on the business,” HBO CEO Richard Plepler said. It is, in many ways, a “terrific marketing vehicle for the next generation of viewers,” he said, noting that it could potentially lead to more subscribers in the future.

“We’re in the business of creating addicts.” [Buzzfeed]

Between this and the time Jeff Bewkes — the CEO of HBO’s parent company, Time Warner — said setting piracy records was “better than an Emmy,” HBO is well on their way to becoming the Cool Dad of television networks. I half expect the network to send out a press release later today telling us that it’s cool if we all have a few beers with our friends after the dance as long as no one drives and everyone sleeps there.

Plepler also touched on the much-discussed, not-yet-available, direct-to-consumer model of HBO Go, which would allow consumers to access the product without a standard cable subscription, and in the process he gave one of my favorite business quotes in a long time.

The company is experimenting in the Nordic with direct-to-consumer HBO Go, which Plepler said was doing “very well.” When asked directly whether HBO Go was going direct to consumers, he said, “it’s all about arithmetic dude, it’s all about the math. The thing we are always thinking about is adding value.”

“It’s all about the arithmetic, dude.” Yup, that settles it. HBO is TV’s Cool Dad.

Source: Buzzfeed

“We did not go forward with it,” says CW president Mark Pedowitz of the previously-in-development Wonder Woman origin series Amazon.

While I think I would actually prefer a solid Wonder Woman television show that would necessarily be primarily about Amazons or their cultural beliefs over a solid Wonder Woman cameo or secondary character appearance in what already promises to be a movie with a lot of things going on, it does not come as a surprise to me that Amazon has been abandoned. After all, Warner Bros. doesn’t want some TV writer stepping all over a character that Zach Snyder‘s going to introduce. Heaven forfend they bolster the mixed blessing of Wonder Woman as a secondary character in a movie whose working title still contains the names of two male superheroes who’ve had multiple franchises based around them by expanding on her character in a television series. I mean, it’s not like that would be an ideal way to introduce her origin story to all the folks they assume would find it confusing.

But Warner Bros. doesn’t at this point have the intestinal fortitude to dive in to an interconnected universe franchise that bridges the small and big screens. Despite moving forward with a the Flash television show, they show no sign that the Arrow universe is connected to the Man of Steel one. Pedowitz still thinks Wonder Woman would work on TV. Maybe, you know, because she already has.

It all depends on the script. We were very careful with Arrow, and we’re being very careful with Flash. These are iconic characters, so we’re going to be very careful with Wonder Woman. You only get one shot before you get bit.

Well, unless you’re The Fantastic Four, who got a sequel after a bust of a first movie. Or if you’re Ghostrider. Or The Flash.

(via The Hollywood Reporter.)

Previously in Amazon

• Amazon Being ‘Redeveloped’
• Amazon Gets Pushed Back
• Amy Manson Up For Amazon

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You really need to follow @fanfiction_txt . Especially if you like Sonic the Hedgehog .

The thing about fan fiction is, it's kind of a weird world.

Via en.wikipedia.org / Twitter: @fanfiction_txt

It's a world where rappers and characters from Sonic the Hedgehog have uncomfortable encounters.

Mark Davis / Getty / en.wikipedia.org

And characters from Sonic the Hedgehog and other video games have even more uncomfortable encounters.

Via youtube.com / en.wikipedia.org / Twitter: @fanfiction_txt

In fact it'll make you see video games in a whole new light.

Via mariowiki.com / youtube.com / Twitter: @fanfiction_txt / en.wikipedia.org /

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View Entire List ›

This week old Colorado legalization segment for Anderson Cooper has been doing its subject matter justice by gradually and aimlessly making its rounds on the internet until enough people found it awkward yet charming. CNN reporter Randy Kaye went live from Colorado after spending a day taking a limo tour of local dispensaries, and let’s just say she was in a unique state of mind to report on her findings for a news show.

At the 4:20 mark Randy joins Anderson, and just barely finds the composure to not ask Cooper if he has any Funyuns on him. If you ever sat around wondering what you mom would be like after spending a day soaking up contact highs, give this a watch. Weird you sit around wondering about that though.

Via r/Videos

By CRACKED Readers  Published: January 15th, 2014  Viral photos: We love them, we hate them, and while we're still hating them we pass on the information we learned. But, in our continuing quest to sift through the bullshit for you, we asked our readers to debunk some of the most famous viral photos

We knew that Paul Rudd was going to be the lead in Marvel’s upcoming Ant-Man. But it wasn’t sure what Ant-Man he’d be portraying. Well, we can safely cross Hank Pym off the list, because he’s been cast. And he’ll be played by…

…None other than Michael Douglas. Here’s the full details, admittedly sparse, according to Marvel:

“With Hank Pym’s rich history in the Marvel Universe, we knew we needed an actor capable of bringing the weight and stature to the role that the character deserves,” said Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige. “We felt incredibly relieved when Michael Douglas agreed to step into the part with the charm and fortitude he brings to every character he inhabits, and couldn’t be more excited to see what he will do to bring Hank Pym to life.”

Paul Rudd is officially confirmed as Scott Lang, and it’s a particularly interesting choice for a few reasons. First of all, Michael Douglas is more Howard Stark’s age than Tony Stark’s age, so that hints that Hank Pym has been around and working on Pym particles for a while. Secondly, that also rules out pretty much any storyline involving Hank Pym or his many aliases, since Douglas is, again, more of the elder statesman than anything else. Considering what a lousy human being Hank Pym generally is, that may not be such a bad thing for the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

And finally, it’s a major dose of prestige for Ant-Man. Douglas is a respected, award-winning actor and admittedly not generally the kind of guy you expect to sign on for a Marvel movie, just like it was a bit odd that Kenneth Branaugh, of all people, signed up for Thor. But it’s definitely attention-getting, and it just confirms that Ant-Man is going to be something a little different from Marvel.

via Marvel

It’s unlikely Bill Paxton will inform Coulson that it’s game over, man, but he is coming to Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.… as John Garrett. Longtime Marvel nerds probably got whiplash at that news, but for the more casual fans, this is a long way of saying that Marvel just dropped a rather large hint as to where Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. is headed.

John Garrett coming on board is notable for a number of reasons, a lot of them arresting.

He’s A Cyborg

Garrett has, over the course of Marvel continuity, been pumped full of cybernetic implants. He’s had a plate in his head that can record audio, he’s had a cybernetic left hand, he’s even gone the full Six Million Dollar Man on us. Considering that Centipede, the terrorist organization at the center of Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D., has considerable interest in installing processors into scary people, that’s attention getting.

He’s Got History With Elektra

Garrett has gone toe-to-toe with everybody’s favorite Greek assassin more than once, and it’s rarely gone well for him. This is particularly interesting because, as we all know, Daredevil is getting a Netflix TV series. And if this ties into Marvel’s other TV franchises, we’re not going to complain.

He’s Got An Even Longer History Of Being A Total Monster

Garrett has ties to a lot of Marvel organizations, most of them pretty nasty. Garrett would be a good opportunity to bring in more of what we want, namely second-tier supervillains and characters who will never be put on a movie screen. And speaking of which…

He’s A Character With History In The Marvel Universe

Week in and week out, we watch Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. struggle to explain how, precisely, there’s anything Marvel about the goings on. Garrett is arguably the best choice for the show to bring out the stuff we really want to see; he’s a minor character, but one with a lot of connections. And, really, that can only improve the show, especially with Paxton behind it.

We were surprised, but also kind of intrigued, when Joseph Gordon-Levitt announced he’d be working with David Goyer to bring Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman to the big screen. But that was pretty much where we left it. Thankfully, someone thought to press Gordon-Levitt for a few details.

Speaking with IGN.com, Gordon-Levitt made sure to point out the project was in the “very, very early days” when asked about it. Meaning, a lot could change. However, the actor still wouldn’t confirm whether or not he would be doing more than producing the film or give hints on what the plot would be.

IGN: Should we take you tweeting the hashtag “Prelude” in relation to Sandman to mean what we think it means, that you’ll be adapting the “Preludes & Nocturnes” storyline that began the comic?

Gordon-Levitt: I honestly just wrote that as sort of a pun, because this tweet was a prelude to who knows what’s to come. Obviously “Prelude” is the title of the first issue, but… Yeah, nothing is cemented yet. But there’s so much potential in that material. It’s exciting.

As to why he got involved with the project, Gordon-Levitt said he loves the basic concept of Gaiman’s tale.

The concept of personifying Dream, along with all of his brothers and sisters, the seven Endless personifying Death, personifying Destruction and Delirium and Destiny and Desire and Despair. I mean, that’s just a fascinating and, I think, a really cinematic concept. You look at the art of Sandman, and it just looks spectacular. I love big, spectacular movies, but oftentimes big, spectacular movies sort of get stuck in a rut. They go down certain paths that end in big explosions or whatever. Sandman has so much opportunity to do something that’s on a grand, grand scale, but really unlike your average big, grand-scale, spectacular movie. I guess that’s the tip of the iceberg.

I’m liking what I’m hearing, what about you?

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Up until this point, today sucked. My Panthers lost, the Peyton Manning vs. Tom Brady storyline is already insufferable, AND Matt Lauer wore that horrible beard to the Golden Globes. Gross. And then HBO released the trailer for season four of Game of Thrones, and now today is my favorite day. Watch it now.

But seriously, Jaime Lannister’s hair, you guys.

I'm doing some curated content over at Buzzfeed this week.

After advancing to the AFC Championship, Peyton Manning was confronted with questions about a report that an offseason medical exam will determine his NFL future. He's not worried about his neck. He's just worried about when he'll be able to get his hands on a cool, crisp, refreshing Anheuser-Busch InBev Bud Light.

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If stoners are known for one thing, it's their eye for interior design. So perhaps it's no surprise that mile marker 420 on I-70 through Colorado keeps getting stolen. What else would look better on the wall of your living room?

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Do you like your weed to have a little class? Do you prefer a nice sit-down restaurant to the Taco Bell drive-through when the munchies hit? Then do we have the place for you.

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Have you ever thought your cat just wasn’t deadly enough? Good news, weirdo! Etsy seller Schnabuble has created cat battle armor from vegetable-tanned leather, and it even has the option to be used with a leash. Because if there’s anything a cat loves more than being shoved into clothing, it’s being put in clothing and then dragged by a leash.

The seller, who also makes Iron Man style Mark IV bracers and Game Of Thrones inspired coats, describes the cat battle armor:

Your cat will become an unstoppable force for slaughter in this fully articulated suit, shielding him/her from foes while allowing unimpeded movement across the battlefield or living room floor. The imposing torso section features several riveted, articulated plates and a terrifying rack of dorsal spines.

Just what my cat needs: more sharp things to scrape across my face while I’m sleeping. And at only $500, this armor pays for itself with all the free facial exfoliation treatments!

Although this isn’t the first time we’ve seen cat armor, it is the first time we’ve seen it for sale. Here are more pictures of Selani the confused cat in the leather armor.

More pictures (and cat armor!) available at Schnabuble. Hat tip to Kotaku and to their commenter Prayer Police for the Sophisticated Cat meme idea.

On one hand, you could describe this video for something called “Extreme Barbie Jeep Racing” as an effort in grown men showcasing their athletic abilities in racing by keeping their balance in otherwise ridiculously small “vehicles.” Riders Braden Crosby, James Wilson, Nate Whitlatch, Matt Morowetz, Tyler Ransdell and Curtis Dutson each picked out their very own Barbie Jeep, and one dude went with the Cadillac Escalade version, because somebody always has to be the coolest guy at the party.

On the other and much more realistic hand, “Extreme Barbie Jeep Racing” was just an excuse for a group of guys to take our favorite childhood motorized vehicles and “drive” them down a hill, so they could all fall over and possibly hurt themselves, but look cool and hilarious while doing it.

Either way, I appreciate these men and their sacrifices.

One might think that it's weird to have Tom Brady and Ed O'Neill autograph the same football, because it kind of is. But if you're going to try and pull off such a feat—hey, maybe you need a gift for your dear friend who loves the Patriots and middle-brow ABC comedies—do what reader Tom did:

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As we close in on the Archer Season 5 premiere (Monday at 10PM on FX) it only seems fitting to pivot our coverage from what will be happening this season to why we fell in love with the show to begin with. And nothing says that like a supercut of all the awesome things Sterling Archer has said through four seasons of being the world’s premiere womanizing alcoholic super spy.

UPROXX Video has done the internet a favor and edited together Sterling’s best one-liners in the above supercut to serve as your new video spirit guide. And because it was virtually impossible to cut it down to under three minutes you can check out the full uncut version here. This one knows what I’m talking about.

UPROXX Video

Hey, remember when it was announced that the Xbox One would be a trolling-free utopia? Yeah. About that…

Here’s a video that’s been making the rounds of an Xbox One user, well, trolling. His scheme? Name himself Xbox Sign Out, and then make people scream his name. Guess what happens when you scream “XBOX SIGN OUT!” at your Xbox One?

Now, granted, ninety percent of the individuals in this video should neither own an Xbox One nor should they be playing Call of Duty. Seriously, it’s really kind of disturbing that this guy managed to find that many obviously young children in a video game they really shouldn’t be playing.

On the other hand, he also probably should not be cornering small children to keep them from running away until they scream at him, so there is that. Either way, it demonstrates something we’ve already noted some pretty serious concern about: Claim that trolling is dead all you want, Microsoft… it appears the trolls will still be there.

Willamette Week has a pretty great interview with Blazers center Robin Lopez, one of the smarter and funnier guys in the league. It's well worth your time, but I want to draw your attention to one cryptic exchange:

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Now that the Baseball Writers' Association of America has announced the results of this year's Hall of Fame election—Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine, and Frank Thomas made it—it's time for us to reveal, as promised, the Deadspin ballot, as well as the voter who joined us in making a farce and mockery of the increasingly solemn election process by turning his vote over to you, the readers.

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For two beautiful years, MTV2 somehow got away with airing Wonder Showzen, John Lee and Vernon Chatman’s brilliantly insane spoof of children’s shows like Sesame Street. The list of talent that dropped by the series over its sixteen episodes, including Jon Glaser, Will Arnett, David Cross, Amy Poehler, Corin Tucker, and Zach Galifianakis, brought a lot of people in, and the show’s DON’T EAT MY BABY content kept even more people out.

Including, shockingly, a Christian pastor named Daniel Castle. In the video below, entitled “MTV’s Satanic Wonder Showzen,” Pastor Castle tries to explain “one of the most evil shows and spiritual exploitation of children I have ever seen,” and fails. (The uploader goes by “savedbyjesusblood,” who you might remember from such YouTube masterpieces as “What’s Up Google?” and “21st March 2013 – The World of Coca Cola.”) The clip actually went live last year, but considering it’s only been viewed 22,000 times, it needs more attention. “God has killed himself…”

Via The Daily Banter