Mikkele.bringard

According to this fine piece of investigative reporting by the New York Daily News, America is currently facing an unthinkable disaster: a clown shortage. They found that, “Membership at the country’s largest trade organizations for the jokesters has plunged over the past decade as declining interest, old age and higher standards among employers align against Krusty, Bozo and their crimson-nosed colleagues.” One startling revelation from the report found that out of 531 applicants to Ringling Bros. Clown College, just 11 were even good enough for jobs at the circus. Membership in organizations like the World Clown Association, once a thriving clown-focused leadership group, has plummeted. A clown by the name of Cido explained to the paper, “American kids these days are thinking about different careers altogether. They’re thinking about everything other than clowning.” Cido then shed a single tear ...

Saturday Night Live alum Will Forte has teamed with the screenwriting duo behind The Lego Movie, for a new Fox sitcom called Last Man on Earth. As the name implies, Forte will be play the last living person on the planet earth. Because watching a character wandering around talking to himself isn’t exactly a recipe for MacGruber-style hilarity, audiences may be in for some surprises; especially considering the show was originally pitched with the concept of being about two surviving members of humanity. The series is schedule to air later this year ...

Finally, actor Will Ferrell and Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer Chad Smith—who are nearly identical—will combine their dashing good looks for a cause they believe in. Following a recent back and forth on Instagram, Ferrell posted a message that said, "If we can raise $300,000 for Cancer For College I will face off with you in the greatest drum vs. cowbell showdown the world has ever seen. We can do it on stage at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert or in front of a mutually convenient public library. Your call." The duo hasn’t scheduled a location or date for the battle, but fans who donate to the organization will be entered to win a trip to Ferrell’s charity golf tournament” ...

No matter who you are, no matter what you've attempted, you have—at one point or another—had a Monday like this cat's ...

Are you in the early stages of a relationship where sending flowers might seem just a little too much for Valentine's Day? Is there someone you feel like you should send flowers too, but you don't really feel like it? Do you have an enemy you'd like to prank? Great news. A company called TaskRabbit is promising "Hassle-Free Romance" (ugh) with 3-D printed roses this year. Perfect. The only thing better than a dozen flowers that will inevitably wilt and fade is a collection of futuristic robot sticks that were never alive to begin with. And seeing as you can get a dozen for just $100, it's a real bargain. Maybe next year, we'll be able to 3-D print our own dinners and possibly our own dates too. The future of romance has arrived and it's super dumb ...

A strange report coming out of South Carolina's conservative Christian Bob Jones University, as the school has fired an independent firm they hired to investigate numerous allegations of sexual abuse, just one month before they were scheduled to release their detailed report.

Details are being kept quiet, but GRACE (Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment) is a Virginia-based firm that had been hired in November of 2012 to investigate several reports of sex abuse. The review was led by Boz Tchividjian, Billy Graham's grandson, who has said he has no comment on the termination. For BJU's part, they've said "Over the last several months, we grew concerned about how GRACE was pursuing our objectives, and on Jan. 27, 2014, BJU terminated its contract with GRACE. It is BJU’s intention to resolve its differences with GRACE, and we are disappointed a resolution could not be reached before our differences were made public.”

GRACE has released a statement mostly focusing on the victims they interviewed, saying "We grieve with those whose hopes will be crushed should this independent process remain incomplete. Please know that we heard your voice and it was not spoken in vain" ...

Comedy Central star Nathan Fielder has revealed that he is the mastermind behind the mysterious “Dumb Starbucks” store which perplexed L.A. residents over the weekend. Fielder’s show Nathan for You, which has been picked up for a second season, follows the comedy writer as he attempts to “help” small businesses by employing insane marketing ideas. Though Starbucks said that the parody store—which was giving away free coffee—was an infringement on its copyright, Fielder deadpanned at a press conference that, “They're smart in not pursuing a case they know they can't win. If they keep the pressure up, they do risk losing me as a customer." His announcement ended up being well timed; shortly after, Dumb Starbucks was closed by the health department ...

An actor who used to portray McGruff the Crime dog has been sentenced to 16 years in prison for housing a pair of secret pot farms and maintaining a small arsenal of weapons that included two grenade launchers. In the ‘90s John R. Morales, would wear the famous McGruff costume at events for the Harris County Sheriff's Association. He also may or may not have owned at least one D.A.R.E. shirt. It would behoove everyone who takes a bite out of crime to remember one thing: you are what you eat ...

After years of wondering, “When will someone invent a pair of pants that allows me to play actual drums on my thighs?”, the question has finally been answered. “Drum Pants” lets users place an electronic strip—that houses programmable sensors—to the inside of clothing, turning your favorite pair of jeans into a electronic drum machine, keyboard or even a video game controller. It’s basically Phil Dunphy’s dream invention. You can go here to see a video of the pants in action ...

The big shake-up in late night TV marches on and, so far, everyone's making good decisions. Jimmy Fallon and the Roots will be moving to the Tonight Show, and former SNL head writer and Weekend Update host Seth Meyers will take Fallon's old spot. But the big question of what kind of band Meyers would bring to the table got answered today with this tweet, and things are looking good. SNL alum and Portlandia visionary Fred Armisen will be the band leader, and he'll be joined by members of Les Savy Fav and Kimberly Thomas, a session drummer for Beyonce. The shoes are big, but this is the right band to fill them ...

On Saturday, a coffee shop calling itself “Dumb Starbucks” mysteriously appeared in an L.A. shopping center, giving away menu items like “Dumb Espresso” and “Dumb Tea”, while featuring music from artists including “Dumb Nora Jones.” Because the store technically operates as an “art gallery” parodying the coffee chain, it says in an FAQ sheet in the store that the faux-Starbucks design is perfectly legal. “By adding the word ‘dumb’ we are technically ‘making fun’ of Starbucks, which allows us to use their trademarks under a law known as ‘fair use’.” After getting Twitter love from Office star Rainn Wilson and Community creator Dan Harmon, Dumb Starbucks had lines out the door for much of the weekend. At this point though, no one is quite sure what Dumb Starbucks actually is. Some outlets have speculated that it could be a creative piece of performance art, publicity stunt or even a reality TV show ...

Now, it might look like life-sized chess pieces, but it's actually Pope Francis and his chocolate replica, which was given to him as a gift. There are perks to being TIME's Person of the Year ...

If you live in the U.S. and you're planning on watching the Opening Ceremonies tonight, this is what you have to look forward to. A nightmare inducing bear mascot whose eyes will stare into your very soul ...

Kathy and Blake are dancing’s new Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper. The bar on mother and son wedding dances has just been raised ...

Yesterday, we despaired as one to learn that the Jamaican bobsled team—the first to qualify for the Olympics in a decade—had landed in Sochi without their gear and clothes, and the airline was helpless to find them. It was a dark plot twist for our highly anticipated sequel, but today comes the excellent news that they team has received their gear, albeit with a little more protein powder than they might like. “We got our clothes, but it was full of protein powder,” sled pilot Winston Watts said. “(Security) opened the protein powder containers, and never closed the tins. The containers were sealed. And they left them open. In my helmet today, I had protein powder going into my eyes.”

Keep it together, Winston. We're looking forward to the part of the movie where the protein powder in your eyes actually improves your vision, giving your team the edge it needs to take home the gold. Of course, nobody's really expecting them to take home much of anything. "We are the underdog,” he said. “We come here as an underdog, and we should execute, and the results will appear on the clock."

This is going to be a great movie ...

Everyone headed over to iTunes to find the new single from John Mark McMillan was probably disappointed to find that, contrary to reports, he didn't release any single to iTunes today. However, we're excited to announce that a brand new artist by the name of John "Marc" McMillan has released a single—one which, suspiciously, has the same title as the rumored John Mark McMillan release. We at RELEVANT have listened to it, and are pleased to announce that it's a great song. Perfect for fans of John Mark McMillan. In fact, we'd go so far as to say that if you love John Mark McMillan, you'll love John Marc McMillan ...

What could be the most anticipated sequel of a generation just got a devastating plot twist after the Jamaican bobsled team—the first from their country to qualify in over ten years—has landed in Sochi without their gear. “The sled is here,” team leader Winston Watts told the AP. “But the blades that we put our heart out to get, the airline maybe left them back in New York. None of us have clothing.” It's true—all they have to wear are the team uniforms they flew in.

This leaves the team unable to practice, scrambling around on phone calls while the rest of the nations get familiar with the Olympic course. Watts says that, worst case scenario, he'll ask other teams if he can borrow their equipment. “We are the most lovingest people," he told reporters "So every moment is always positive. We always keep smiling. That is our motto.”

Feel the rhythm, guys. Feel the rhyme ...

The Red Hot Chili Peppers rock so hard that their instruments don’t even need to be plugged in. Some observant Super Bowl watchers have noticed that the band’s performance was nothing more than a choreographed game of Guitar Hero. As USA Today points out, considering the game was the most-watched television event in history, you have thought they would have at least bothered to attempt to make it look real ...

More than 111.5 million viewers tuned into this week’s Super Bowl, presumably in hopes of seeing the new, epic ad for the law firm of Jamie Casino. The two-minute ad featuring the personal injury attorney and his flaming sledgehammer of justice, which was only seen in local South Carolina markets, drew in more Super Bowl viewers than any event in television history ...

We feel those feels, little dude. Collect your tears in your steampunk-y goggles, let them make you strong and never stop letting the sad music move you. Thumbs up, indeed ...

We live in an interesting time. Strange enough that we're sending little robots off to the moon to poke around, but now those robots have social media accounts in which we can keep track of their adventures. And when those adventures go south, as they have for China's Jade Rabbit who has undergone a malfunction China's technicians fear may be unsolvable, they can tweet a few final pieces of wisdom back to earth. No words of ours can add to Jade Rabbit's profound courage in the face of death, so we'll shut up and let him take over:

I’m aware that I might not survive this lunar night. If this journey must come to an early end, I am not afraid. Whether or not the repairs are successful, I believe even my malfunctions will provide my masters with valuable information and experience. The sun has already set here and the temperature is falling very quickly. I’ve said a lot today, yet still feel like it’s not enough. I’ll tell everyone a secret. Actually, I’m not feeling especially sad. Just like any other hero, I’ve only encountered a little problem while on my own adventure.

Good night, planet Earth. Good night, humanity.

Good night, Sweet Prince. May your little robot heart be carried aloft on a lunar breeze, and remind us all how to love ...

That's the question of the eleventh hour, as chaos appears to be reigning in Russia's in-progress Olympic Village. Just six out of the nine media hotels are finished. Landfills are springing up all over the city, wrecking havoc on the environment. It was estimated the Games would cost around $11 billion—the cost of Vancouver's Olympics. The current price tag in Russia's Games is about $55 billion—putting the Games somewhere in the ballpark of being $40 billion over budget, with not much to show for it. With the Opening Ceremonies coming just four days from now on February 7, the question is: will Sochi be ready in time? ...