Derek.doucette

Earlier this week, rumors ran rampant that Russian sports officials had replaced the entire U-18 team headed to the IIHF world championships in Grand Forks, North Dakota, with the nation’s U-17 team (a.k.a. birth year 1999). 

The alleged reason? All the players tested positive for Meldonium, the performance-enhancing heart medicine that increases blood flow for athletes. It was added to the World Anti-Doping Agency’s banned substance list in January. As the New York Times reported, “158 athletes, at least 30 of them Russian, have tested positive for the drug, according to Russia’s sports ministry.”

That included a provisional suspension for tennis star Maria Sharapova, and a positive test for Olympic gold medalist in short-track speedskating, Semion Elistratov.

The first confirmed news about the team was the departure of head coach Vitali Prokhorov, who was removed by the Minister of Sports. Then it was confirmed that the new coach would be Sergei Golubovich, and he would bring his U-17 roster with him to replace the nearly the full U-18 roster.

It’s here that things get a little Iron Curtian-y. Despite widespread reports about the doping scandal and the complete overhaul of the team’s roster on the eve of the tournament, Russian Hockey Federation officials continued to deny that Meldonium was the factor behind it all.

“This decision is the Russian Hockey Federation, which was agreed with the Ministry of Sports, as well as the tactical decision of the coaching staff. I want to say that the young guys are very eager for the fight, and they want to show themselves at the highest level,” said Russian President Hockey Federation. “I also want to ask journalists not to use rumors and not to speculate on what happened. Let's look at the actual thing and wish good luck to our team.”

Yeahhhhh…

But as Russian journalist Slava Malamud wrote on the scandal: 

It's all confirmed now. Russia to be represented by U17s. Overwhelming majority of U18 team failed Meldonium test. Statement still pending

— Slava Malamud (@SlavaMalamud) April 6, 2016

Honorary Hockey Fed president Alexander Steblin, hiding nothing: "I'd give life bans to those who gave meldonium to the kids" (via 360tv.ru)

— Slava Malamud (@SlavaMalamud) April 7, 2016

Meldonium was given to U18 players systematically throughout the season as a part of the day-to-day maintenance routine.

— Slava Malamud (@SlavaMalamud) April 7, 2016

The NHL and NHLPA’s performance-enhancing drug test does not screen for meldonium, but that could change in the offseason. Because who wouldn’t like to see an entire NHL team replaced by, like, its AHL affiliate right before the Stanley Cup Final?

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Greg Wyshynski is a writer for Yahoo Sports. Contact him at puckdaddyblog@yahoo.com or find him on Twitter. His book, TAKE YOUR EYE OFF THE PUCK, is available on Amazon and wherever books are sold.

MORE FROM YAHOO HOCKEY:

 

Photo: Justin Berl

Look above. That’s a picture of a man who should never have been allowed to leave Washington, DC. He faces off against his former team and your Washington Capitals at the Verizon Center tonight with the rest of the flaming-hot Pittsburgh Penguins. The Pens come into town after going 9-1 in their last 10 and that’s without superstar Evgeni Malkin since March 11 and now without starting goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury, who has been out with a concussion since the beginning of April. Games between these two teams are always quite the show, and something tells me that even though this is a virtually meaningless game for your Caps, it should be nonetheless entertaining.

Before we get started, did you know that “giant” 5-foot-tall penguins once inhabited the Earth? Carl Hagelin would have had a lot of friends 30 million years ago.

I’m Chris From The Comments. Join me below for the first Live Blog of this year’s Caps season.

Pre-Game

Just in case you forgot:

Trotz confirms Backstrom is in.

— Isabelle Khurshudyan (@ikhurshudyan) April 7, 2016

Is this the greatest shirt of all-time?

Shirt of the night: Justin Williams' hair. #CapitalsTalk pic.twitter.com/xquaPmwsCi

— Larry Duvall (@DuvallSpx) April 7, 2016

RMNB’s Deadguins shirt meets Rod Langway

Defend the Capitol!!! @russianmachine #bestshirtever pic.twitter.com/xTtEeXiP9g

— Jamie Strong (@jamiebstrong) April 7, 2016

First Period

The good guys go down 1 in the first minute

It was #JailBreakCity on the Pens 1st goal. Tom Wilson gets beat. Nate Schmidt doesn't realize it's an odd-man break pic.twitter.com/MtZ6GGJscN

— Ian Oland (@ianoland) April 7, 2016

Tonight's contest? What country are they from? Why are they here? First correct answers gets a autographed puck. pic.twitter.com/XkphQi6SCs

— Ted Leonsis (@TedLeonsis) April 7, 2016

Lets hope Brooks brought some of that famous magic:

The great Brooks Robinson is here at the Caps game tonight. Crowd gives him a standing ovation when he's shown on the big screen. #Orioles

— Ed Frankovic (@EdFrankovic) April 7, 2016

MOAR Deadguins! (From last Caps vs Pens)

Fav part about the caps-pens rivalry is wearing deadguins shirts and beating the pens #capstalk pic.twitter.com/0g59EZjmWk

— Christina Clarke (@ceclarke14) April 7, 2016

Kuzy doing what Kuzy does

This is why Evgeny Kuznetsov's a superstar. He forces turnover, almost scores one-on-three, draws a minor on Letang pic.twitter.com/9Eja58jm5Y

— Ian Oland (@ianoland) April 7, 2016

CFTC: Outside of a terrible first minute, I’m relatively happy with the home team’s play thus far. The top 6 especially has looked like they could put one home several times. More importantly, any game that has Alan May involved throughout the entire broadcast is a good one in my books. Let us hope we get on the board with the carryover man advantage at the beginning of the 2nd.

Second Period

Matt Cullen strikes short-handed for his 2nd of the game. 2-0 Pens

Just one of those nights #holtbycursed pic.twitter.com/fFwnmuF8Ud

— Ian Oland (@ianoland) April 8, 2016

CFTC: In my opinion, the Tom Wilson 5 minute major for boarding was completely deserved and I believe that Tom will be hearing from the NHL’s Department of Player Safety.

Sheary makes it 3-0 and Jay is getting “fired up”

@russianmachine i'd really hate to burn this beautiful room i have pic.twitter.com/kbPeyRQOyM

— Jay DeLancey (@jay21713) April 8, 2016

Marcus Johansson gets the Caps on the board

Marcus Johansson gets the Caps on the board, cutting the Pens lead to 3-1. What a slap pass by John Carlson. pic.twitter.com/C1A9MWPf8F

— Ian Oland (@ianoland) April 8, 2016

CC: Steve Simmons

When you're hungry for a hot dog but you have to finish a hockey game first pic.twitter.com/A2LCF5BbyT

— Ian Oland (@ianoland) April 8, 2016

CFTC: Will I get murdered in the comments for saying that I still don’t think the Caps are necessarily having a bad game? Personally, I think this has been an even match and a few mistakes or bounces here and there have contributed to the current 3-1 scoreline. Get this one tied up boys.

Third Period

Marcus Johansson wakes the Caps up with his 2nd of the night. 3-2 Pens

Sneaking it in under the arm. 1 goal game! #CapsPens pic.twitter.com/o25MytATxU

— Washington Capitals (@washcaps) April 8, 2016

Andre is a perfect human being and the game is 3-3

Bless you, Based Burra pic.twitter.com/URJYQlIK84

— Ian Oland (@ianoland) April 8, 2016

CFTC: First half of the period was an exhibit in how not to get back into a hockey game. The last half was the exact opposite. The boys secured yet another point on the season. Have to go get the second for Braden now.

Overtime

CFTC: Some dude wearing #87 finishes it for Pittsburgh. We played well in spurts. The Penguins are beatable. Don’t fret my fellow fanatics.

Final score: 4-3 Penguins

[Insert admittedly irrational profanity-laced tirade about the #Caps here]

— William Stilwell (@LoudGoat) April 8, 2016

File into the Post-Game for your nightly comment needs: Here

Full RMNB Coverage of Caps vs Penguins

US prosecutors claim fruity machines sold in unmarked brown boxes

Four people have been charged with stealing $1m worth of MacBook Airs destined for local school kids.…

It all comes down to this. The Stanley Cup Final begin tonight between the Blackhawks and Lightning. Meanwhile, your humble RMNB founders are locked in mortal combat with a 5.7-gram disc of copper and nickel. It’s time for our final predictions. And then you get to tell us where we’re wrong.

But first, here’s the rankings entering the final round and a relevant GIF.

1. Peter: 11 for 14
2. Keith, a Coin: 6 for 14
3. Ian: 6 for 14

Basically, I rule and Ian is tied with a coin named Keith who looks like this:

Chicago Blackhawks (#3) vs Tampa Bay Lightning (#4)

Peter: For starters, I think this is going to be an excellent final. The Hawks and the Lightning are a couple of the most fun teams in the league to watch. They play fast, transition-game hockey, they’ve got new stars (i.e. not Sid or Ovi) who are good for the sport. I’m sad for the Ducks, but I’m psyched to watch this series.

Now as for the predictions, give me the Hawks in 6. It’s time for us all to acknowledge that this isn’t just a great team; they’re a great franchise. They won the Cup in 2010, spent a hot minute retooling, won it again, and will do it again.

(P.S. my girlfriend is a Hawks fan and I’m going to Chicago right after the Finals, so I have ulterior motives here.)

Ian:  First off, this needs to be said.

Will I watch the Stanley Cup Finals even though the Caps aren't in the series? pic.twitter.com/1iaws016BM

— Ian Oland (@ianoland) June 3, 2015

And I’m not joking. I’ve only watched like two games since the Caps lost in the second round. I’ve barely blogged. I really don’t understand why that is either. Watching playoff hockey games are probably the most entertaining of any sport and the players’ beards are majestic.

Maybe it’s because living and dying with the Caps everyday for approximately 8 months is emotionally fatiguing. Yeah. When the Caps lost in game seven, my heart was broken even though I try my best to stay distant and not get wrapped up in things. It’s hard to watch other fans be happy who you’re jealous of. I really need the Caps to win a Cup someday or I will go to the grave feeling somewhat empty inside.

Man this is really depressing. Sorry.

On top of that, national coverage for the NHL is so irritating, it’s hard to really get into other teams minus my bae on the Predators.

Anyway, on to my predictions. After that Ducks series, it’s hard to imagine Chicago losing. They’re experienced, which is a great storyline, but Jonathan Toews is essentially the modern age Steve Yzerman which is also a great storyline. Patrick Kane is also a wonderfully creative player that knows how to maximize himself and be the difference on the biggest stage. I just think Tampa’s ordinary. I think Ben Bishop is overrated. I think Stamkos is easy to shut down. The only way Tampa has a chance is if Tyler Johnson’s line, which is so very quick, can continue to produce at its insane pace. They might in the Final, but Chicago will be too much.

Chicago will win in five. Peter’s lady will be happy (not just because she’s dating Peter). Patrick Kane’s mullet will be MVP. And dammit I tied a coin. Now please end the season already.

Keith, a coin: Hawks.

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Share your predictions below!

For almost 60 minutes, the Washington Capitals looked in shambles as they faced the New York Islanders in game one of the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals. The game was filled with bad decisions and sloppy mistakes. Washington has high hopes for this spring, but Wednesday’s performance put those dreams, at least for now, in doubt.

After the game, the locker room was filled with frustrated players, with many Capitals saying they lacked focus and threw away the fundamentals of hockey.

All that is a recipe for a hard practice full of yelling and skating the next day. Barry Trotz was asked Thursday if he considered doing that. His response was simple: “No.”

Instead, it was a light optional affair, with seven players — Alex Ovechkin, Marcus Johansson, Joel Ward, Brooks Orpik, Curtis Glencross, John Carlson, and Braden Holtby — skipping the drills.

“We’ve skated three days in a row here so I usually like to let guys heal up any bruises or bumps or any strains,” Trotz explained. “The guys have played lots of minutes. They can get a little bit of a breather and be ready to go tomorrow.”

Trotz indicated that because Washington’s mistakes were so elemental last night, there was no reason to hammer those errors into the team.

“The stuff that we need to do, we’ve worked on it all year so it’s not going to be anything that is earth shattering or anything like that,” he said. “We got to play quicker, we got to play better, we got to execute better. We had too many guys that didn’t play the way they need to play so that’s the way it is.”

“There’s some things we can do better and we will do better tomorrow,” Trotz concluded.

The 'Original Six' is a pompous and annoying slogan that the NHL uses to market its oldest and most marquee teams. Now tell us something we don't know and we'll move on. 

ESPN commentator Keith Olbermann recently tried to take down the idea of the 'Original Six' on his television show. Olbermann's premise is that the current 'Original Six' franchises are not really the original six teams in the NHL. The video please ...

And after this Olbermann takes down the idea of Santa Claus, yet another fictional entity we've been using for years to market joy to children. That's a little harsh. but hopefully you get the point. 

Olbermann does offer some different takes on sports, and he is indeed informed, political and opinionated -- something that's missing in today's national sports television commentary world. Try watching HBO's "The Newsroom" and then his show. It's super trippy.

But the 'Original Six' is a marketing slogan, not a truth-telling mechanism. And you know what? It works. 

So far this year, 'Original Six' teams hold the top five spots in average road attendance per ESPN.com's attendance tracker. In 2013-14, all six were in the top-10 of the NHL's road attendance. 

In 2011-12, the NHL's previous full season before last year, five of the 'Original Six' were in the league's top-10 in away attendance. Translation: people want to see these teams play because of this 'tradition' that Olbermann accurately points out, isn't 100 percent true. 

A more meaningful takedown would have been about NBC's 'Wednesday Night Rivalry' game. The last two 'rivalries' have been total duds. The Red Wings and Rangers? Growing up in New York City in the '80s, '90s and early part of 2000s, I can say with confidence most current Rangers fans do not care about the Red Wings. There was no rivalry! They were in totally different conferences until last year!

But this is just a tick better than the previous week's 'Rivalry' game between the Washington Capitals and Wings -- who once played for the Stanley Cup in 1998. 

*** 

More from Yahoo Hockey:

 

Bakdar was the only technical person at PromoCorp, a marketing company. When someone finally launched a technical project, he was ready. The product was a cutting-edge web-to-print technology, in which Joe User could easily upload an image of his plumbing company’s logo onto a mock-up of a pen, and send it to PromoCorp with his order. It would save time, money, and provide a revenue stream for PromoCorp. The project was big, the project was technical, and the project was the attractive sort of thing that made careers. Bakdar was over the moon.

It was a brilliant idea, with one problem. PromoCorp didn’t have the internal resources to create the web interface on their own, so they contracted a third party, Weblutions, to do it for them. Bakdar was the liaison between the two, tasked with making sure things went smoothly. The interface between Weblutions and PromoCorp was supposed to import the images from Weblutions so that they could be emblazoned onto things like crappy t-shirts nobody would ever wear. The finished goods would then be returned to the customer who initiated the request.

Jarvis was the lead developer at Weblutions, and was Bakdar’s point of contact. Jarvis provided FTP access to the cache of uploaded files and order documents (in XML, of course). What Bakdar got from there were piles of very low-resolution, raster-based PNG files that wouldn’t look good in Minecraft, let alone printed on promotional items.

“Hey, Jarvis,” Bakdar said over the phone. “Listen, I got into the FTP and pulled the images, but they… they aren’t what we’re hoping for?”

“Really bro?” Jarvis said. “Looks gnarly over here. What’s the problem?”

“The largest image is 640x480. If I printed these logos on some promo balloons, it would just look like some sort of smeared blob.”

“Alright, alright, that’s cool. So what can Jarvis do for ya?”

“Well, you either need to give us the images in a vector format, or give us much higher resolution raster files.” Bakdar explained the importance of DPI and print size. “Something like SVG files for vector art would be the best.”

“Well, why didn’t you say so, man?” Jarvis said, ignoring the fact that the requirements document clearly stated valid minimum resolutions. “I’ll get ’em to you by the end of the week!” Jarvis brimmed with confidence. “Vectors, man. Vectors!”

Bakdar should have been relieved, but he couldn’t seem to shake his unease about the situation. Still, Jarvis was the lead developer, and Bakdar hadn’t written anything from scratch in years. He gave Jarvis the benefit of the doubt, vowing to check back on his progress at the end of the week.

Friday afternoon rolled along, and there was still no word from Jarvis. Bakdar shot off a quick email, hoping for an update, but instead got an out-of-office message: “I’m out of the office for the next week, dudes and dudettes! Surfing trip, WOOOOOO!” Bakdar furrowed his brow as hard as a brow can be furrowed.

When Jarvis returned from vacation, he replied to Bakdar’s original email: “So sorry, bro. I forgot to tell you that I redid everything like you asked. It’s all SVGs now! Peace ~ Jarvis”.

Bakdar did his best to ignore the fact that Jarvis had wasted a whole week of his time, and connected to the FTP site to import the new images. The progress bar crept up to 5% and stayed there. For an hour. Bakdar canceled it and had Jarvis remove all but one image from the directory so that he could test the import.

The process got past 5%, but was glacially slow for a single image. This gave Bakdar time to imagine what would be waiting for him when it was done. He half expected a PNG file with its base64-encoded data embedded in the SVG file, but that would be silly.

Silly, and much, much better than what Jarvis did. Jarvis’s “ingenious” vectorization algorithm created a file which contained a circle node with a radius of 1px for every single pixel in the (still woefully low-resolution) original PNG file. The 3kb PNG file blew up to a 3.7Mb SVG file. Chrome and Firefox committed browser suicide rather than render it. Adobe Illustrator tried its best for 20 minutes before its proverbial head exploded. Past WTF evidence should have told Jarvis that circles are nothing but trouble, but nonetheless, he came up with this atrocious solution.

Bakdar called Jarvis. “Jarvis, we need to chat…”

“Right on, bro. What’s up?”

“I can’t use this. The file sizes are far too large, and it renders the system inoperable.”

“Hold on a sec, buddy. After our last call, I went back to the requirements. Section 4 says the images can either be high-resolution raster files, or- and check this, dude, direct quote- ‘an SVG file’. That’s what I gave you. It meets the requirements.”

“Yeah… but… well… let me get back to you.” Bakdar rushed to the requirements document in hopes of finding the logical flaw in Jarvis’s response. Sadly, the document said nothing about file sizes or processing times.

Bakdar had to go back to his superiors and explain how their high-res image project would be delayed while he worked through some kinks with the web vendor. Any urgent client requests for promotional items would be limited to tiny logos on small trinkets until Bakdar found a way to claim “SVG file” precluded Jarvis’s pointillist solution. Suddenly, the whole “manage a technical project” thing had lost its glamor.

Love this kid. Clearly has absolutely no knowledge of the law but he's not going to let that get in the way of a good argument.

Library | Houston, TX, USA

(I work at the circulation desk at a small academic library.)

Patron: *very red-faced* “Um, can you do something?”

Me: “…about?”

Patron: “There’s a woman in the computer lab and she… um…”

(My coworker and I finally manage to get it out of the stammering, embarrassed man that a woman apparently has breastfed her infant and forgot to ‘tuck herself back in’ after the infant was finished eating.)

Coworker: “Oh, boy. You want this one?”

Me: “Got it.”

(I walk up to the woman and lean down quietly to her ear.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but we don’t allow open-drink containers in the library.”

Coffee Shop | DE, USA

(I’m a regular customer standing in line at my favorite coffee shop. It’s a busy morning, and the very friendly barista I know is flying through orders. Customer #1 is ahead of me waiting.)

Barista: “I have a large latte for [Customer #1].”

Customer #1: “Is that soy? I asked for soy.”

Barista: “Oh no, it’s not. I apologize; the cup was not marked properly. I’m glad you checked.”

Customer #1: “I have a severe dairy allergy. It was supposed to be soy.”

Barista: “Well I do apologize; I’ll start another right away. We always say ‘soy’ when the coffee contains soy, so thanks for checking.”

Customer #1: “I don’t need your attitude!”

Barista: “I did not mean to give you any attitude, ma’am. Again I apologize. In fact, I have a diary allergy myself, so I understand. Here’s your tall latte with soy.”

(I can tell that everyone around me is feeling uncomfortable witnessing Customer #1′s bad behavior. She starts to leave with her coffee, and turns to Customer #2.)

Customer #1: “What a b****!”

Customer #2: “You sure act like one!”

(At this, the remainder of the customers shout statements of agreement.)

Remainder Of Customers: “Yeah! Way to be a nasty person over a little mistake! Poor girl is just doing her job, and she’s hustling through it too! I would never want to have to put up with you! You really ought to be nicer to people who serve you your food!”

(Customer #1 practically runs from the store. It gives me a little more faith in humanity!)

NORTH WILDWOOD — An Army veteran was kicked off the North Wildwood boardwalk and issued a summons Thursday because he was walking with his service dog, according to local police and a Florida news report. Jared Goering, a Tampa resident and 19-year U.S. Army veteran, was taking his first vacation in years with his wife Sally in North Wildwood when a police officer stopped him because he was walking with his dog Navigator, he told ABC’s Tampa affiliate. The officer told Goering there were no dogs allowed on the boardwalk except guide dogs and issued him a summons. Goering showed the officer the dog’s special service collar, but the officer was unapologetic, according to the report.”He went on to say that, ‘What are they doing? Giving every vet a dog now?’ ” Sally Goering told ABC. Goering brought the matter to a supervisor with the department, who retrieved the summons and filed for a dismissal, according to a press release from North Wildwood Police.”An internal affairs investigation was initiated and the incident will be thoroughly investigated by the Internal Affairs supervisor,” North Wildwood police said today.Goering entered retirement in 2009 after he suffered two IED explosions in Afghanistan within a 36-hour period, ABC reported. He that after suffering through the debilitating aftermath, his service dog has allowed him to lead a normal life and feel comfortable in crowds.In the release, North Wildwood Chief Matthew Gallagher said he had met with representatives of America’s Vet Dogs to learn more about military service dogs.

I’m not even going to get into the specifics of this story. Obviously an army vet who had 2 IED’s explode on him in Afghanistan should not be getting kicked off the North Wildwood boardwalk for walking with a service dog. The police officer who did that should be fired no questions asked and forced to live in a house full of cats for the rest of his life.  But my question is how are dogs banned from the boardwalk in the first place? Who does Jersey think they are? Dogs walking on a boardwalk is like the most natural thing in the history of earth. Only communist fucks would ban dogs from a boardwalk. And it’s not like Wildwood is some ritzy place either. It’s Jersey trash.   Hey Wildwood why don’t you worry about banning scumbag humans before you worry about banning man’s best friend.  Wake up bro.   Worry about these people not dogs…