Kate

Meet Melanie Abrantes, my friend and the very talented owner of Melanie Abrantes Designs. You absolutely must check out her shop for beautiful handmade gift ideas from hand-turned cherry wood cake stands, to cork bud vases and more! Melanie will be guest posting all December long, sharing holiday DIY projects perfect for gifting or decorating your home. Lucky us! Take it away Melanie…

I am always trying to find a new and simple way to dress up my table for the Holidays. I know that everyone is looking for that extra special something to have your party and dinner stand out. A simple way of doing that is having a candle centerpiece. Having an intimate and loving dinner with friends and family during the holidays, will make your dinner party one to remember. I wanted mine to feel very holiday oriented and thought that the birch trees would make the perfect candle pedestals and the silver leaf foil would bring it up a notch! Follow along and see how I made them…

 

What you will need:
3 Birch Logs
Packet of Silver Foil
Silver Foil Adhesive
Silver Foil Sealant
3 3” Pillar Candles
1 Sponge Brush
1 Bristle Brush

1. Dust off any dust or residue on your birch logs
2. Tape the top of the birch log if you want clean edges.  Shake the adhesive can and spray an even amount on to the top of the birch log.
3. Wait around 40-60 mins to dry.
4. With dry hands, gently remove the foil from the package. Lay on top of the bark where you added the adhesive and smooth over with your fingers. Gently finish with a bristle brush, and remove any lingering pieces with brush.
5. Spray on the sealant and wait about 2 hours to dry. Wash brush immediately with warm water.
6. Top birch logs with pillar candles and light them!

photos by Adrian Clutario

I was so happy with how this festive centerpiece turned out.  I used marble circle cuts outs to ground the logs and added fir branches for an extra touch of holiday charm! Let me know where you guys used your candle centerpieces in the comments below! 

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You guys know how much I hate posting projects before they're finished, but our Harry Potter tree is really coming along, and I want to show you all the fun stuff we're making!

First, a lights-out shot:


Again, keep in mind the tree itself is still a work-in-progess, k? So just look at the top bits:




I wanted to make floating candles a few months ago for Halloween, but all the tutorials I found used LED tea lights tucked inside toilet paper tubes, and I couldn't figure out how to make that fit properly OR look right.

So when I spotted these 2-packs of battery operated candles at The Dollar Tree, I decided to do things the Way Easier Way:

Seriously, that's only 50 cents a candle*! It was tempting to buy the whole rack, but I decided 10 would suffice.

[*Batteries aren't included, so also add in the cost of 2 AAs per candle.]

First, pop the candles off their bases, and remove all the stickers:


Next, add "wax" drips using a glue gun. There's a bit of a trick to this, so you may want to practice first on a TP roll.


I found the best method is to start your drips at the bottom, and then draw the thinner line of "wax" up to the top. This part is actually really fun, so go nuts adding as many layers as you want!

The hardest part is avoiding those dreaded glue gun strings, which really show up when you paint, and scream "FAKE!" Scrape the tip of your glue gun on the inside edge of the candle to avoid these, and then be sure to pick off any stragglers before you paint.

Of course, the glue almost look good enough on its own, so you may decide to stop here!

I decided to paint, though, to give the drips more definition. I used a spray primer base coat, and a satin white top coat, to give the candles a nice waxy sheen.



Finally, I used a watered down craft paint to add a little aging on the non-drippy parts of the candles:

I brushed it on and kept it really subtle, which is great close-up, but disappears completely from far away. So learn from my mistakes, and go BIG if you're planning to hang these from the ceiling!

(To give you a better idea, this lovely Candle DIY by Taylor A. Baird was my painting inspiration:)

 I'd like to go back and darken mine up, but since they're already hanging... maybe next year. :)


To hang your candles, use a Dremel to drill a small hole through the tip of the plastic flames, and thread clear fishing line through to tie a knot. Wrap the other end of the fishing line around a thumb tack several times, and push firmly into the ceiling. DONE.

You can just barely see the line & thumbtack from close up. Both disappear a few feet away, though, making the floating illusion extremely convincing. We've only had ours up a few days, so I still get the urge to squeal like a little girl every time I see them!


The candles turn on and off by twisting the tops slightly, and luckily John is tall enough to reach them each night. I'm curious to see how long the batteries last, since we leave the trees on for a good 8 hours a day. Since the lights are LED, they should last practically forever - but I'll let you know!

Important Note: These candles are so cheaply made that John had to tweak the battery contacts inside each one to make sure they lit up properly. So if yours don't work at first, try bending the metal contacts down a bit.


Hope you guys like our floating candles, and maybe try making some of your own! If you're hesitant to poke holes in the ceiling, you could always hang these on the tree, or suspend a few in front of a mirror for an extra sparkly effect.
Stay tuned for more updates on our Harry Potter tree!

sonybaloney:

inbetweenthelineart:

zalein:

heyfrankie:

love it.

It’s like cake, but scary and everywhere

THE TREES BOW DOWN BEFORE THEIR MASTER, THE SNOW CAKE, AS HE RISES AFTER CENTURIES OF IMPRISONMENT INSIDE A LAWN TABLE 

There will come a time when the trees shall fall and the cake shall rise.

This made me laugh.

One of Mike B.'s friends ordered an Obama cake for another, more politically-inclined friend. You know, something like this:

But apparently the baker didn't hear him right over the phone, because instead...

they got this:

Yes, a llama. I swear I'm not making this up.

According to Mike, once she discovered the mistake the baker offered to replace the cake for free, but the guys wouldn't let her. Because, c'mon, that is one awesome llama.

 

Hey Mike B, squeakity squeakers squeak squeak 'um.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

Whether you make them yourself, or rely on the experts to make them for you, giving gifts that can be gobbled is a sure-fire way to win over a minimalist's heart. Heck, it's a good way to win over just about anyone's heart.

In a season when there's a lot of talk about the guilt of indulging in sweets, I think it's nice to think outside of the usual players and to offer something edible that won't be greeted with a sigh. Fancified versions of pantry staples like cooking oils and vinegars, flavored salts, dried herb blends, cocktail syrups, and teas can be a little unexpected break from the sugar cookies and quick breads. Not that I personally would say no to a plate of cookies or a quick bread.

In case you're lacking the time or energy to slave over a hot stove whip something up yourself, here are a few ideas for edible gifts to give this year. (And if you've already got your ingredients list drawn up, there are a few ideas for ways to package up what you make yourself, too.)

1. Organic maple syrup in a half-gallon jug should be enough to last even your most gourmand friends through the winter.
2. Killer granola recipe? Pack it up in a Le Parfait canning jars from Kaufmann Mercantile. {PS. I put together a little KM gift guide last week, you can see it right here.}
3. If you go the make-you-own route, scribble the contents of your gift and any directions on a pretty luggage tag and tie it up with twine from Knot & Bow.
4. Designed to hold produce, these organic cotton bags would be a sweet way to pack up a dozen cookies or a loaf of bread. (At your own risk.)
5. Fancy olive oil? The only downside is that the recipient might never be able to go back to the regular stuff.
6. & 7. There's a long winter ahead, but a mug of tea every day will help cozy things up. Bellocq's Majorelle Mint or Société-Originale's Café de Fleurs are two beautiful options.
8. No time to make your own caramel lollies? Consider keeping a bagful on hand for present toppers.
9. Sea salt in any form is one of my go-to housewarming gifts, but black sea salt with a beautiful letterpressed tag? Even better.
10. Warm the cockles of someone's heart with a bottle of fancy spirits like Sage from Art in the Age of Mechanical Production.
11. Budding home cook on your list? A bag of two of special flour will help them perfect their pizza dough.
12. What to give someone who already has everything? I bet they don't have dried rose geranium in their spice cabinet.

If you'd rather make something yourself, consider mulling spices, or apple cider syrup and stay tuned for a new recipe later this week.

PS. Share your go-to host(ess) gift for a chance to win a few new treats of your own.

{All product photos were sourced from the shops linked to above!}

Successful innovation is an inherent company mindset, laser-focused on solving important customer problems - not company-centric goals - by using customer creativity as business inspiration.MORE…

Astute reader Brandon Z pointed out that the Klingon exchange program covered in Sins of the Father showed the “Riker on a Klingon ship” half of the exchange in this episode. As Brandon puts it:

“You’ll get some Klingon fashion, a guide to Klingon cuisine, and Riker and Picard at a phaser firing range - other than that it’s uniforms.  And Riker indeed gets punched in the face, though it is the Klingon ladies that hit on him.”

GET IT, KLINGON LADIES.

So the episode starts with this quintessential Riker/Wesley shot:

Riker: YOU WANNA GO? HUH? BRO? Wesley: what if I had a mauve sweater 

There are a few exchange program crew members arriving, including one who belongs to an alien race that, according to Wesley, all look alike:

It’s a trap?

This is NOT Wesley’s friend, but he thinks it is. EMBARRASSING. And racist. Get it together, Crusher.

Then, Picard and Riker are enjoying a nice time in the phaser shooting range:

Phaser range provided by IKEA

The thing about this phaser range is that it is INCREDIBLY BORING. If I’m practicing my phasers, I want to be practicing on something fun, but they literally just have a black abyss with lights they’re supposed to shoot at:

BOOORRRRRINNGGGGGGGG

You guys. You can shoot at WHATEVER YOU WANT. Look:

WHATEVER YOUUUU WAAAAANT

But they don’t. They shoot at nothing:

But they look damn good doing it

It’s during this phaser practice that Picard suggests Riker go on board a Klingon ship, and Riker is like “okay” and immediately starts eating ALL THE KLINGON FOOD:

TENTACLES AND APPLE CIDER

LEMONADE IN A CHAMPAGNE FLUTE

GAGH, AKA GUMMI WORMS OF BLOOD

RIKER DON’T GIVE A FUUUUUUUUUCK

Seriously, broheim is CHOWING DOWN like Henry the fucking Eighth. Pulaski and Picard are like, “you okay man?” and he’s like “MORE PLEASE.”

I CAN’T GET ENOUGH

He is at least very generous with his replicator Klingon feast:

Seriously, bro. Bro. You gotta (burps), you gotta try this

Thank you, Number one. I shall take it under advisement.

SQUASH SOUP WITH GIANT THORNS AND A SIDE OF CLAMATO

TENTACLE STEW

My reaction is similar to Picard’s: 

Eeeeeeeeeehhhhh

He’s so polite. So diplomatic. AND RIKER STILL DON’T GIVE A FUUUUUCK

*GUITAR RIFF*

"You have fun, Number One."

Anyway, eventually Riker kicks it over to the Klingon ship, and we get some classic Klingon fashions:

Catcher’s vest? Check. Metal shit? Check. Sense of honor? DOUBLE CHECK.

The plot here is basically: the Klingons don’t super trust Riker, but he’s honorable, so everything turns out fine. It’s good that Rikes did all that food training, because:

Tentacle stew for daysssss

And just as Brandon said, we have some very flirty Klingon gals on this ship:

Hungry eyes / One pile of gagh and I can’t disguise

She is going to chew him up and spit him out, and not in a good way

We don’t see much of the ladies’ outfits, but what I do like here is that they are wearing basically what their male counterparts are. There’s a time for a boob window and a time for a catcher’s vest, and this is the latter. They’re warriors! They wear warrior clothes!

Riker befriends (as much as you can with a Klingon) this other crewman, who has a bottle opener on his vest like a brooch:

I might need to open some bloodwine later, you never know

He’s working sort of a slim fit Klingon look, a little less bulky, a little more streamlined. The Bonobos kind of Klingon.

This scene also has an enjoyable line that Brandon pointed out, which is: "If Klingon food is too strong for you, perhaps we can get one of the females to breast-feed you.” The Klingons neglected to add, “WITTLE BABY WIKER.” Everyone had a good laugh, though:

OH HOW WE LAUGHED ABOARD THAT WARBIRD

Meanwhile, there are shenanigans afoot and Riker basically takes over the ship by transporting the captain to the Enterprise:

My cargo vest is not zoned for Federation starships

Nothing new here, but I will reiterate my love of the pockets on Klingon vests. WHAT DO THEY KEEP IN THERE.

Eventually, Riker comes back (after getting punched in the face, of course) and looks at Picard like this:

I’M BACK, CAPTAIN

Yes, I see that, Number One, but stop looking at me in that lecherous manner. I don’t like it.

OH, DON’T YOU

That’s no way to look at any officer, Number One, much less your commander. Stand down.

SOMEDAY, JEAN-LUC, SOMEDAY

Sorry I accidentally wandered into slashfic land there, but WE’RE ALL THINKING IT. 

And one more for good measure:

I HATE YOU TRISTAN

SVA Product of Design Student Eden Lew created Nutshell, aimed at reducing stress and providing a kind of respite from urban life. It’s a pod-inspired platform for productive break-taking.

I’d use it. Read more.

(Thanks Allan)

These Panorama Photography Accidents made me laugh.

4gifs:

Motion-activated camera captures a tiger relaxing. Then he wonders if he left the oven on. [video]

seungristrawberry:

The author of my math book just decides to throw in pictures of his cats every so often through the chapters…

Republicans want to define themselves affirmatively rather than by opposition; they should look to Friedrich Hayek.

Related: Birds found using human musical scales for the first time.

State judge overturns Missouri’s constitutional ban on gay marriage.

Beheadings, massacres, and wholesale killings aren’t limited to Islamic State brutality—they’re taking place next door, thanks to Mexican cartels.

In case you’re missing out: This American Life spin-off Serial follows one riveting story over multiple episodes. #audio

Paris Review launches new digital magazine, starting with photographer W. Eugene Smith.

Daughter of the Happy Face Killer explains what it was like to grow up with a serial killer for a dad.

Conservative politicians and pundits defend football against wimps, volleyball, and those who find “Redskins” offenseive.

Study finds shorter NBA referees call more personal fouls, though not enough to alter games.

Related: Round-up of the year’s most valuable tweets from professional athletes.

Mace was invented to be a personal-protection device, but was quickly applied to crowd control in the ‘60s.

In the end, an Internet built by Dads, for Dads, sells most of us short. Clay Shirkys of the world: go away.

TMN’s Paul Ford rediscovers his childhood through outdated computer systems.

Pictures of forgotten New York music venues, from the Savoy to Max’s Kansas City. #photography

Man who piloted the Grateful Dead and Rolling Stones was also smuggling Pablo Escobar’s cocaine. #longreads

Given the success of drug trafficking in the deep web, a reputation-based system for human smuggling may be next.

This is not like a traditional relationship where you can get comfortable with one another. Advice on becoming a successful “sugar babe.”

Danish National Chamber Orchestra performs after eating extremely hot chili peppers. #video

Mamma rings like a bell through the night
And wouldn’t you love to love her?
Takes to the park like a pug on the run
And who will be her lover?

All your life you’ve never seen a Pug
Taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven?
Will you ever win?
Will you ever win?

Let’s face it, the question “will you ever win?” does not bear repeating in the chorus to this magical song entitled Rhiannon (written by Stevie Nicks and originally recorded by Fleetwood Mac in 1975) because when it comes to Halloween, Mamma Biscuit always wins! That’s right people, Halloween 2014 is all about highlighting one of our favorite (and sometimes unfairly overlooked) music and style icon in Mamma’s pantheon of icons—Stevie Nicks! If songs like Gypsy, Little Lies, Sarah, Dreams, Edge of Seventeen, Landslide or Silver Springs aren’t enough for you to love Stevie Nicks then perhaps discussing how incredibly romantic, magical and bohemian her personal style has been throughout her impressive career will do the trick. Oh who am I kidding, if you don’t find any of Stevie’s songs to be brilliant then you’re wasting good oxygen on this earth! Oh, and if you have the audacity to even bring up Taylor Swift in the same sentence as Stevie Nicks then I’m sorry, you and Mamma Biscuit could never be friends!

“Personally, I think that sexy is keeping yourself mysterious,” Stevie Nicks told Rolling Stone in 2002. “I’m really an old-fashioned girl, and I think I’m totally sexy.” You know what? Mamma Biscuit is also an old-fashioned girl who maintains a similar level of sex appeal and mystery behind her long, epic tongue and stout yet curvaceous legs—and she looks damn good in antique lace too, don’t you think?

For over 40 years, Stevie has embodied bohemian mystique while fronting Fleetwood Mac and pursuing a solo career in billowing sleeves, Victorian lace and dark, draping stage costumes. Oh, and let’s not forget about that iconic tambourine with a rose or two going through it because that alone is amazing!

Stevie joined Fleetwood Mac at the end of 1974 and quickly became known for her Grammy award-winning raspy vocals and her always-tumultuous romance with Lindsey Buckingam. I mean, the appropriately titled album Rumors marked that hedonistic time of interpersonal strife between Fleetwood Mac members that everyone speculated upon while simultaneously being a commercial success in 1975! But back to Stevie’s style, she achieved her memorable aesthetic with the help of stylist Margi Kent, who designed most of her epic ensembles. The costumes are works of art in and of themselves and have been exhibited at The Metropolitan Museum of Art and DC’s National Museum of Women in the Arts, among others. In other words, we had really big paws to fill here this year at honoring such a goddess and I think we nailed it, wouldn’t you agree?

You know, Stevie to me has always been like the American version of Kate Bush. She’s eccentric yet totally unaffected. She’s natural and unassuming in her highly referenced Victorian style which ironically makes her the unlikely Godmother of Goth. There just isn’t anything pretentious about her personal style. It just seems to come off effortlessly, like it is an extension of her fabulous self. The unique sound of her voice has always added to the intrigue and obsession along with her incredible song-writing skills. Stevie’s cult-like following has extended out into far reaching places and has culminated into such events as A Night of a Thousand Stevies—the mammoth gathering of costumed fans and inspired performers who convene in New York City each Spring to snort a whole bunch of cocaine and work their own personal Gypsy 83 moments in leather and lace—all in one room. And now, she’s reaching new territory within the canine world via Mamma Biscuit!

So when you’re blasting Tusk (hopefully on vinyl) and layering your scarves to get your Stevie Nicks fix, think about Mamma Biscuit in this antique lace gown and feathered-accented frizzy wig! That’s exactly what Mamma Biscuit has on her back people, an exquisite handmade lace gown in antique lace (aged three decades or more) with a 3-foot detachable lace train. Stevie was known to twirl in her lace dress so it’s only fitting that a pug do the same considering the breed is notorious for running around in circles.

The first time I put this gown on Mamma Biscuit, she got tangled up and mummified within seconds and I had to carefully untangle her like a brain surgeon removing a tumor—that’s how delicate this lace is. How about that bodice, folks? If that neckline doesn’t scream “Medieval Festival” then I don’t know what would! The only thing missing from this ensemble is a cocaine vial and a spoon on a necklace around Mamma’s neck . . . oh, and maybe a real-life dove or two! What I love most about this gown is that if I took a pair of scissors and hacked away at the train and smeared red lipstick all over Mamma Biscuit’s face, we could go from Stevie Nicks to Courtney Love—or even better, What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?

So Stand back stand back
In the middle of Mamma’s room
she did not hear from you
It’s alright it’s alright
To be standing in a line
Standing in a line
I would cry

Stevie Nicks is a true hero and icon to Mamma Biscuit and family and it was a pleasure to reinterpret our favorite white witch and Fleetwood Mac member for the 24th Annual Tompkins Square Park Halloween Dog Parade. The event took place over the weekend on Saturday, October 25th in Tompkins Square Park in the East Village and Mamma Biscuit, once again, delivered an epic costume for the elite dog crowd of New York City to chew on.

For starters, we scored a major interview with the host of the parade, Ross Mathews, who literally loved Mamma Biscuit so much that he had to Instagram and Tweet out a selfie posed with our little lacy chanteuse! I told him that the photo might break down the internet, hopefully superseding the epic Ellen Degeneres selfie she took at the Oscars earlier this year with all those A-list stars of Hollywood!

You know I’ll be scouring the internet for the next few weeks, searching high and low for the video interview that we filmed because it was just so good. In full Ross fashion, it was nothing but sass, witty banter and laughs along with getting to share Mamma Biscuit’s puppy-mill-to-riches story—and there wasn’t a dry eye among that film crew!

Now when we hit the stage for the judging, Ross gave Mamma Biscuit a “Ross Choice Award” which was a Beggin pendant attached to a yellow ribbon—and at that moment, I had felt that we already won. I even twirled Mamma Biscuit around while holding her in my arms to give the crowd (and Ross) a quintessential Stevie Nicks moment. I may have even told Ross that Mamma Biscuit is “gone with the wind fabulous” before walking down that runway to the cheers of the crowd!

The entire day in the park was filled with interviews and photographs by every news outlet known to man. We mingled with spectators and fans alongside other dog owners and their dogs. It was official, Mamma Biscuit seemed to nail down the people’s choice for best costume because everywhere I turned, someone was chewing my ear off about how our little gremlin was going to take home the prize.

Well folks, that didn’t happen. Not only did she not win best in show, she didn’t even place! How dare they?? LOL I began to speculate that there was a Stevie Nicks hater on the judging panel and would yell out, “she was robbed” to any passerby who would listen. It just seemed like something was rotten in Denmark and it wasn’t the damn cheese! All kidding aside though, we don’t enter this costume contest for the prizes or for winning, we enter because it’s just so damn fun. I’m totally serious y’all. This contest and parade is such a New York City Halloween event and it’s just great to have Mamma Biscuit be a part of it!

It was a media storm and already, the coverage is pouring in. Mamma Biscuit has been highlighted in New York Magazine, Gothamist, Dogs and the City, Observer, The Village Voice, Mashable, Buzzfeed , PIX 11 and Bark and Swagger. I’m sure many more articles will pop up as we get closer to Halloween day!

After a super fun lunch at Dojo in the East Village, Mamma Biscuit and her crew of friends walked on over to the Stevie Nicks 24 Karat Gold exhibit at Morrison Hotel Gallery. If you live in New York City, I would suggest on running over to this gallery to see this exhibit because it’s simply amazing! In search of the perfect cover art for Stevie’s upcoming album 24 Karat Gold, Songs From the Vault, she came up with a trove of ‘70s-era selfies—otherwise known as polaroids—taken at home and on tour in hotel rooms around the world. Dubbed now as the Original Queen of Selfies, Stevies iconic styles are captured in this collection of polaroids.

“Some people don’t sleep at night—I am one of those people,” the singer explained. “These pictures were taken long after everyone had gone to bed—I would begin after midnight and go until 4 or 5 in the morning. I stopped at sunrise—like a vampire . . . I never really thought anyone would ever see these pictures, they went into shoeboxes, where they remained. I did everything, I was the stylist, the makeup artist, the furniture mover, the lighting director. It was my joy—I was the model . . . ” OH STEVIE, YOU ARE EVERYTHING!

The moment we walked into the gallery holding Mamma Biscuit decked out in her lace gown, the gallery owner couldn’t contain himself. Everyone seemed to enjoy Mamma’s presence as Stevie while looking at the amazing prints on the wall and pondering whether they should blow their entire 401K to take one home!

This exhibit will be up until October 31st, so run out and see it people, it’s fabulous!

As if the day couldn’t get any better, on our way out from the Gallery, we ran into Andy Cohen walking his dog who did a double-take at Mamma Biscuit in my arms wearing her amazing lace gown.

We stopped to chat with Andy who just had to take a photo of our little gremlin in my arms. He thought it was hysterical and I thought the whole vignette was hysterical! There I was with a pug in my arms dressed in her Victorian best while chatting with Andy Cohen about Tommy’s sunglasses and Bethany’s return to the Real Housewives of New York—in other words, WE WON!

So there you have it folks—Mamma Biscuit as Stevie Nicks for Halloween 2014!

Mamma Biscuit, may you forever stay a gypsy at heart!

So I’m back, to the velvet underground
Back to the floor, that I love
To a room with some lace and paper flowers
Back to the gypsy that I was
To the gypsy . . . that I was
And it all comes down to you
Well, you know that it does
Well, lightning strikes, maybe once, maybe twice
Ah, and it lights up the night
And you see your gypsy
You see your gypsy

Enjoy

That first Friday beer after a shit week

What’s the difference between art directors and copywriters?

A Tumblr blog, titled ‘Art Director VS Copywriter’, was created specially to depict the differences between these two creative types.

Humorous memes and GIFs, with accompanying amusing captions, are posted online to describe the various scenarios that these individuals can relate to.

Kick back with your midweek dose of funnies here.


Got into the office at 7:30am today and the ECD praised my work ethic in the morning meeting.


When my copywriter is reading a script to the client and realizes I changed the copy when he wasn’t looking.


When it’s 3am and the agency expects us to pay for our own cab home.


We’ve written 32 scripts in two days—Me (Art Director)


We’ve written 32 scripts in two days—My copywriter


When an Account Man gives their ‘opinion’ on our creative routes.


[via Art Director VS Copywriter]

Grannybarb is dead, and so is her piano. Long live Grannybarb, and long live this piano.

Grannybarb, for those of you who did not know her in life, was an intrepid girl reporter, a steamboat cocktail waitress, a drug and alcohol counselor, a Zen buddhist, a constant artist and a beautiful pianist. She was a great wit, a shameless flirt, an unparalleled grandmother, the first female editor of the Daily Iowan. She had the BEST stories. Her mantra was "everyone does their best, and some people's best is really shitty."

Did you know that pianos, like people, die? It's true. They have about 80 years, give or take, depending on humidity and how much they were played. This one was born in 1928, and lived most of its life at the very bottom of Louisiana, in a tiny Cajun town reclaimed from the swamp in the 1930s. And Grannybarb played it every day, finding time between meditation, crafting, painting, making stained glass and cooking gumbo.

She donated her body to OHSU so doctors could learn. I'd love for this piano to go to artists so they can make something. She made art constantly -- we found tiny oil landscapes on the backs of business cards, little watercolor faces on receipts -- and for us to know that her piano had found new life as part of some art would mean a great deal to those of us who miss her.

But maybe you'll do something else with it. Maybe you will make it into a garden planter, or chop it up and have a great bonfire. Who knows. Hours before she died, I asked if she was looking forward to being reincarnated.

"Oh," she said, airily, "I don't really have any thoughts on that."

Well, I asked, do you think you will be reincarnated? She blinked.

"Again ... no real thoughts."

So ... so does that bother you?

She looked at me like I was insane. "Well, I don't see how it matters either way, darlin'. Right now, I'm here with you."

She is no longer here with me, and this piano is no longer a piano. But I hope it will be something else.

It is, obviously, free. I cannot deliver it to you. But it's in a ground-level garage.

< >

The other day, my Dutch friend Wesley was chatting about something or other, and he suddenly busted out with the Dutch idiom, "Don't tie a cat to a piece of bacon." It means, more or less, to not put temptation so close to someone that they can't resist. Isn't that awesome? So when I saw these idioms from around the world, I couldn't help sharing.

Then I was trying to think of American sayings but was coming up blank. But obviously we have so many! Here's a long list, if you're curious.

P.S. 11 untranslatable words from other countries, and parenting around the world.

(By Hotel Club)

via

I have written about the ingenious ostrich pillow before and am delighted to see that there is now a more practical version, the ostrich pillow mini in the works. I totally need this for impromptu desk naps. Who is with me?

Oh my god. This kitten is named LeVar Purrton.