Shared posts

23 Dec 17:41

Heads Up if You Got a New DC Drivers License – Temporary Paper License Copy not Accepted by Car Rental Agencies

by Prince Of Petworth


“Dear PoPville,

I was trying to rent a car with the new temporary license the DMV emails residents while processing our new permanent licenses. It’s a paper printout, but that’s how the new system works. But the car rental says it’s not a real license and they can’t accept it — the manager of a CAR RENTAL OFFICE had NO IDEA that the District changed it’s system last month. Thankfully after I stood on the sidewalk in tears for an hour they rented the car to me. One of the 311 operators I spoke to said they’ve been getting a lot of complaints from people experiencing the same problem. And a customer who watched the ordeal unfold told me his friend had the same issue last week. So if anyone out there does want to rent, they might want to hold off on converting their out-of-state license.”

Ed. Note: Last week we looked at the new DC Drivers Licenses and learned: “You will receive a temporary license or identification card valid for 45 days, and the new credential will be mailed to you.

23 Dec 14:16

A Dip in the Mikveh Became One of the Most Meaningful Parts of My Conversion to Judaism

by Leigh McMullan Abramson

Mine was the Pacific in March, when it was 50 degrees in the water and barely 60 in the air. I had a beach towel from the trunk of the car and a one-piece swimsuit because for some reason I thought that would keep me warmer...

After I decided to convert to Judaism, people started asking: “Are you going in the mikveh?” They spoke with raised eyebrows, their voices dropping into a whisper at the word, mikveh, as if it was an opium den.

I learned on the Internet that the mikveh is a ritual bath that some observant Jewish women visit every month after menstruation and that the mikveh is also used by men and women alike before major life events, such as marriage or childbirth. I asked the rabbi who’d been teaching me whether I’d be going to the mikveh as well. “Oh yes,” she said, noting that it’s often the final step of a Jewish conversion. “You’ll definitely be going in.”

Continue reading "A Dip in the Mikveh Became One of the Most Meaningful Parts of My Conversion to Judaism" at...

20 Dec 15:19

Young Man with Down Syndrome Overjoyed at Being Accepted to College

by Neetzan Zimmerman

With so many people getting into college (be it ivy or community) each and every year, it's easy to forget that many Americans with intellectual disabilities get left out of this most American of life experiences.



18 Dec 15:06

John Milton Is Bradley Cooper's Bro, Bro

by Phoenix Tso

John Milton Is Bradley Cooper's Bro, Bro

Our favorite intellectual thespian, Bradley Cooper likes—nay, loves— Milton's Paradise Lost, if his fratty gushing about it to GQ is any indication.



26 Nov 13:15

NYC ramen map

by Jason Kottke

From All-You-Can-Eat Press in Brooklyn, the New York Ramen Map.

Attention noodle lovers: this is your lucky day! Our third publication-the New York Ramen Map-is here !! It features 33 of New York's most interesting and delicious noodle shops, plus a special glossary and regional map of ramen in Japan.

Not sure I see my favorite place on there. Same folks also do a New York Doughnut Map and a New York Burger Map.

Tags: food   NYC   ramen
04 Sep 21:15

This Woman Didn't Wake Up Chinese, But She Sounds Like It (She Thinks)

by Rich Juzwiak

In England, the land of waking up as something you weren't the night before, there lives one 38-year-old Sarah Colwill, who suffered a major migraine and woke up sounding like she was doing a terrible, racist Chinese accent a little over three years ago. Last night BBC One ran a special on Colwill called The Woman Who Woke Up Chinese. Highlights of the TLC-worthy one-woman reality show (who says she feels like she's "stuck inside of some kinda weird social experiment") are above.



29 Aug 02:42

This Week In Kids Who Are Smarter Than You

by Kate Dries

Carson Huey-You is 11 years old and started his freshman year of college at Texas Christian University this week, at an age when most kids wouldn't even be in middle school yet. He wants to be a quantum physicist. He speaks Mandarin, enjoys doing calculus for fun and if you care about these things, got a 1770 on his SATs.



29 Aug 02:40

A Serious House No Longer, Ctd

by Chris Bodenner


by Chris Bodenner


A reader writes:

Your thread on churches transformed into alternative spaces reminds me of a beautiful building in my hometown, Colorado Springs (arguably the most religious city in America). It was the original home of Grace and St Stephen’s Episcopal Church, which quickly outgrew the space and sold the building. After a couple permutations, it became a nightclub called Syn, and then another called Eden (a particularly sleazy 18+ club, if my high school memories are to be believed). Sometime in the mid 2000s, an ultra-conservative faction of the very same Grace and St. Stephen’s, lead by this guy, broke with the Colorado Episcopal Diocese and formed a new church, St George’s Anglican. After briefly (and dramatically) occupying the newer Grace and St. Stephen’s building and a few other spaces, they bought the original building and reconsecrated it. Amazing how cyclical these things can be.

Another points to the post that started the thread:

Andrew may not have frequented it, since he lived in D.C. at the time, but before this former church in NYC was a gathering of shops, it was a nightclub – Limelight – where I saw things at all hours of the morning that I probably shouldn’t discuss on my work email.

Another sends the above screenshot:

No post about repurposed churches would be complete without a mention of the “Church of Skatan,” a skate shop in the old Second Baptist Church (“Founded Sept 1, 1910; Erected 1925; H. B. Thomas Pastor”) in the heart of downtown Santa Barbara.

Many more entries from readers:

The Netherlands has many deconsecrated churches which have been put to new uses, especially as venues for the arts. Here’s one in Maastricht converted into a bookstore.


The grand-daddy of deconsecrated churches has to be Mare Nostrum (Our Mother): In a chapel on the campus of the Polytechnic University of Catalonia (UPC), this is the Barcelona Supercomputer Centre, one of the 10 largest non-military supercomputers in the world. Google for pictures.

Another reader:

Chris posted about wanting to find a church that had been converted to a film house. We’ve had one in Houston since 1998. It is currently 14 Pews, which bills itself as a microcinema, and it was previously operated by the Aurora Picture Show.

Another movie theater:

I give you the Bijou Art Cinema in Eugene, Oregon. It is definitely my favorite theater in town. You should come check it out sometime!

Well I am currently visiting family out in Portland, so I just might. Another:

I’ve got a former church that is now an old fashioned movie theater: Wilton Town Hall Theatre, in Wilton, New Hampshire. Facebook page here. It has been at its present location for over 30 years, and trust me, this has it all: two movie theaters, one called the screening room, which is like your own private home theater that seats about 40; the second theater is about four times as large and still has the original choir balcony in back.  For more than 20 years they had seating in “the upper balcony” (choir loft) for patrons of the theater. The cost of a ticket is five bucks anytime, and the concession stand has fresh-popped popcorn, drinks and candy, which are all priced very reasonably.

I’m please to add my find. This is a nifty thread.

28 Aug 20:54

Gus, the Depressed Central Park Polar Bear, Passes Away at 27

by Maggie Lange

Gus, the Depressed Central Park Polar Bear, Passes Away at 27

Augustus Bear, or Gus, the ursine face of Central Park Zoo, passed away on Tuesday after medical professionals found an inoperable tumor. He was 27 years old, and resided primarily at the Central Park Zoo.



28 Aug 12:48

August 27, 2013


What happens when we get #Batfleck

Jorge Cham has a new video on Quantum Computers!
27 Aug 20:08

Travel Information for March on Washington Anniversary – Wed. Aug. 28

by Prince Of Petworth

Map via WMATA

Travel Information for March on Washington Anniversary – Wed. Aug. 28 from WMATA:

“Wednesday, August 28

General Information

Metrorail will open at 5 a.m. and close at midnight (normal hours).
Trains will operate on a regular weekday schedule throughout the day.

Getting There

For the Assembly Location at 600 New Jersey Ave NW, take Metrorail to:

Union Station Red
Judiciary Square Red

For the National Mall, take Metrorail to:

Foggy Bottom
Farragut West
Farragut North Red

Arlington Cemetery is not a recommended station, because Memorial Bridge will be closed to pedestrian traffic by US Park Police.

Smithsonian Station is not a recommended station due to the potential for crowding.”

From the Mayor’s office:

“After an immensely successful Statehood Rally this past Saturday, which attracted over 5,000 participants, we have another opportunity tomorrow Wednesday to support our Mayor and your City.

Please join the closing ceremony of the 50th Anniversary of the March on Washington at the Lincoln Memorial at 11:00am on Wednesday, August 28, 2013
. Bring your DC flags and T-shirts.

The Mayor will speak approximately at 11:10am. President Barack H. Obama is also going to be among the guest speakers.”

Complete site and road closures from MPD after the jump.

These NPS sites will be closed beginning 4:00 a.m. on Wednesday August 28 until the end of the event expected to be around 4:00 p.m.

Lincoln Memorial
Vietnam Veterans Memorial
Korean War Veterans Memorial
World War II Memorial
DC War Memorial


The following road closures will go into effect at 3:15 a.m. Wednesday August 28th for U.S. Park Police primary jurisdiction. (See attached map)

Road closures will include pedestrian closures at each closure site. Commercial vehicles will not be permitted on Constitution Avenue between 1:00 p.m. and 3:45 p.m.

Arlington Memorial Circle will remain open, however, Arlington Memorial Bridge will be closed

F Street traffic will be allowed to access the northbound lanes of the Rock Creek Parkway to eastbound Virginia Avenue
Rock Creek Parkway from Virginia Avenue to Parkway Drive – It is recommended that drivers utilize Connecticut Avenue or 16th Street as an alternate route
Parkway Drive from Rock Creek Parkway to Lincoln Memorial Circle
Independence Avenue from 15th Street to 23rd Street
Ohio Drive from Inlet bridge to Parkway Drive, including the A, B and C parking lots
Theodore Roosevelt Bridge will remain open, however users of the Ohio Drive exit will be forced to U-turn north onto the Potomac Freeway
Maine Avenue from 15th Street to Independence Avenue, including Tidal Basin parking lot
North and Southbound lanes of 17th Street between Independence Avenue and Constitution Avenue
Daniel French Drive
23rd Street from Independence Ave to Constitution Ave
Henry Bacon Drive

In addition the NPS roads closed above – the Metropolitan Police Department will be closing the following streets beginning at 3:00 am and should reopen by 6:30 pm (Note, these are not indicated in attached map)

Westbound ramp from I395 to Maine Avenue, SW-All traffic will be diverted to the 12th Street Tunnel
Ramp from 9th Street tunnel to westbound Maine Avenue, SW-all traffic will be diverted to outbound I395
200 block Maiden Lane merge with Maine Avenue, SW-all traffic will be diverted to northbound 14th Street, SW
Southbound Potomac River Freeway and ramp to Independence Avenue-traffic will be diverted to the outbound Theodore Roosevelt Bridge
Ramp from eastbound Teddy Roosevelt Bridge to Independence Avenue NW

26 Aug 16:17

Kristin Chenoweth Caught Off Guard by Fan's Wickedly Good Singing

by Neetzan Zimmerman

Sarah's performance is so much better than my cross-country drive singing...

When Kristin Chenoweth invited fan Sarah Horn on stage to sing the Wicked duet "For Good" at the Hollywood Bowl last Friday, she had no idea she was about to blow some minds — including her own.



23 Aug 17:15

Your Morning Jam: Drop Everything and Listen to This Amazing Kid

by Laura Beck

If you were lucky enough to miss out on the whole controversy over Katy Perry's new song being verrry similar to Sara Bareilles' new song, sorry to drag you into it now. However, your terrible new knowledge will not go unrewarded, as it's totally worth it to hear this kid's remix of the remix of the two songs. Self-harmonize on, you little crooner.



23 Aug 13:55

Why Do People Visit Washington, D.C.?

by Michael Abrams

"Sometimes it’s easy to forget that there’s more to this city than political problems. More than losing sports teams and endless traffic. While a presidential motorcade is a regular inconvenience to us, for the tourist it is a chance to be within feet of the leader of the free world. Tourists are grateful for all the things in our city to which we have grown numb. They come to Washington to relish the feeling of being a small part of something bigger.
So next time there’s a tourist blocking your way down the escalator, or bumping into you with their nose in a monument-map, remember why they came, and let them remind you why you’re here."

Washington, D.C., is in the heat of tourist season. The metro is packed with bored children whose dads are enthusiastically preparing them for the wonders of the National Museum of American History’s Conestoga wagon exhibition. Tourists idle on the left side of the escalator, one hand on a fanny pack-laden hip. They Instagram pictures of lunch at Shake Shack. They are easy to spot: their uniform characterized by red, white, and blue paraphernalia, or I ♥ DC T-shirts; they wear baseball caps, visors, white tennis shoes, and plenty of sunscreen. They carry massive DSLR cameras set to automatic mode and navigate the National Mall with Google Maps on their iPads.

23 Aug 13:36

My spirit animal as an animated GIF

by Matthew Inman
My spirit animal as an animated GIF

The JitterBeast.

22 Aug 15:07

Toms Hanks, Paul McCartney To Read Shakespeare In L.A.

by Lauren Lloyd
Toms Hanks, Paul McCartney To Read Shakespeare In L.A. Back for its 23rd year, The Shakespeare Center of Los Angeles will host its annual Simply Shakespeare benefit reading on September 25, and there to voice "The Two Gentlemen of Verona" will be a Beatle, a Star Trek captain, one of the friendliest men in Hollywood and his lovely wife. [ more › ]

22 Aug 14:49

Guy Discovers That The FriendZone Is Bullshit

by NinjaCate on Groupthink, shared by Laura Beck to Jezebel

Have you guys seen this? It's actually pretty awesome, but I have to say, I hate that no one understands this simple concept until a white dude says it. Like, this information is not news... Women have been saying this shit for AGES.


22 Aug 14:28

Sayings 2.1


Sayings 2.1

These were so fun to think up. If you wanna share any of your own, you can do so here!

21 Aug 20:27

Lunch Break: You Otter Be Cuddling This Little Dude

by Laura Beck

Someone found this otter lounging, stretching, grooming, and just generally being adorable on a wharf in Santa Cruz. It was hanging out on the same wooden platform as a bunch of sea lions, but this wee rebel was just doing his own damn thing.



21 Aug 18:01

This is why controlling health-care costs is almost impossible

by Ezra Klein

A few weeks ago, Paul Krugman wrote up a Google poll showing Americans think the deficit is rising. In reality, the deficit has fallen by almost half. "The public has no idea that the deficit has been falling like a stone," he sighed.

The same is true on health care. A Kaiser Family Foundation survey finds that a majority of Americans think health-care costs are rising faster than normal. The reality is precisely the opposite. From 2000 to 2007, national health expenditures grew, on average, by 7.5 percent a year. From 2008 to 2011 — the most recent data we have — they grew, on average, by 4.1 percent a year. This is historically slow growth.

Ordinary Americans aren't the only ones misinformed. On Tuesday, House Speaker John Boehner blamed the law for "causing premiums to soar.".Assuming he continues to believe that any change in health premiums since 2009 is the result of Obamacare, he'll doubtless be pleased to know that the law is causing a historic slowdown in premiums.

I assume that last sentence will put an end to the House GOP's repeal attempts.

But ordinary Americans have a better reason to think costs are rising. On Tuesday, Kaiser released survey data showing health-care costs are slowing for employers, too. But as Sarah Kliff noted, the data also showed that employees are seeing deductibles rise.

These trends aren't separate. Those higher deductibles are probably part of the reason costs are slowing. But they make health care feel more expensive to employees. And while economic theory suggests that the savings will eventually show up in wages, there's little hard evidence it's happening yet — and given the weakening relationship between firm performance and median wages, it might not happen at all.

This is a problem for Obamacare, and for any effort to bring down health costs. The health-care financing system is so fractured that it's entirely possible for costs to fall overall even as they look like they're rising to families. The cost control efforts in Obamacare — or in any serious replacement — will mean, among other things, higher deductibles, tighter networks and more aggressively managed care.

That will mean savings, of course. And some of those savings will mean lower premiums for people in the individual market buying health insurance on their own. But the many Americans who get their health insurance through an employer or Medicare are going to feel the effect of the cost controls long before they ever feel the effects of the lower costs — if, indeed, they ever directly feel the effect of the lower costs.

Poll after poll shows that Americans want to see health-care costs brought down. But those polls are probably wrong. The American people certainly want to see their health-care costs brought down. But that's not the same thing as seeing total health-care costs fall. It can even be the exact opposite thing.

Americans aren't angry about health-care costs. They're angry about the small fraction of health-care costs they directly pay.


31 Jul 12:59

I Can't Stop Listening to This Weirdly Wonderful Mary Poppins Remix

by Dodai Stewart

This track by Pogo isn't really a remix. It's a completely new song, but its sonic building blocks are samples from Disney's Mary Poppins. It's oddly joyful, weirdly familiar and takes you on a whimsical little journey. I don't know why I've been listening to it on repeat but I know I does what I likes and I likes what I do.



26 Jul 10:51

Republicans had a plan to replace Obamacare. It looked a lot like Obamacare.

by Dylan Matthews

Remember "repeal and replace"? That was the Republican party's 2010-vintage response to the Affordable Care Act. It wasn't that they opposed the idea of universal health care; they just thought that the Obama administration and their allies in Congress went about it the wrong way. They wouldn't just repeal the bill. They'd replace it with something better.

But what? The Romney campaign was very vague on this point, and the few points of commonality Congressional Republicans have on the issue don't add up to a full replacement. Four years ago, however, they did. It was called the Patients' Choice Act, it was proposed by Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) and Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.), two of the most influential Congressional Republicans on the issue, and it was a credible way of covering almost all Americans; the House bill got 13 co-sponsors (nine of whom are still in office) and the Senate bill got seven (six of whom are still in office).

Here's how it would have worked:

States would open health insurance exchanges where individuals and small businesses could buy coverage.

Insurance plans on the exchanges would have to provide a base level of coverage set by the federal government.

Insurers couldn't turn down customers, including because of preexisting conditions (guaranteed issue).

Individuals and families would get a refundable tax credit to pay for insurance.

That tax credit would be financed in part by limiting the tax exemption on employer-provided insurance.

If that sounds familiar, it should. Those are all sentences that accurately describe both the Patients' Choice Act and the Affordable Care Act. There are plenty of differences, of course. Obamacare expands Medicaid; the Patients' Choice Act restricts it to low-income disabled people, moving the rest of its beneficiaries onto private insurance. Obamacare cuts Medicare provider payments; the Patients' Choice Act mean-tests premiums and does competitive bidding for private Medicare Advantage plans.

Obamacare has individual and employer mandates; the Patients' Choice Act instead auto-enrolls people in state exchanges when they do stuff like get driver's licenses or register their cars (Duke economist Donald Taylor calls this a "soft individual mandate"). Obamacare limits the tax exemption on employer-provided insurance by taxing expensive employer-provided plans; the Patients' Choice Act eliminates it for income taxes while keeping the payroll tax exemption.

Those are real differences. But they aren't huge ones; the Patients' Choice Act actually credits the idea of converting the employer health exclusion into a refundable credit — a hugely progressive shift — to Jason Furman, now chairman of Obama's Council of Economic Advisors, who was involved in the health reform process at the National Economic Council. The Patients' Choice Act and Obamacare are both operating within the same basic framework.

That isn't a coincidence. Obamacare bears a heavy resemblance to basically every real universal health-care plan that Republican legislators have proposed in the past half century, including the Patients' Choice Act, Sen. John Chafee's (R-R.I.) plan offered as an alternative to Hillarycare in 1993, and the universal plan Richard Nixon offered at the end of his presidency.

All four provide new subsidies for low-income families who make too much to get Medicaid. All use either a nudge (the Patients' Choice Act's "auto-enrollment") or a push (Obamacare and Chafee's individual mandates) to get universal coverage. All but Nixon's feature state exchanges, include guaranteed issue provisions, and limit the employer health exemption in some way:

Embracing the Patients' Choice Act now, then, runs into a tricky PR problem. Republicans could look like they have a plan to replace Obamacare, as they'd likely frame it. But it could just as easily be pitched as a right-leaning fix to the act that doesn't muck with its overall approach. That could be an awkward sell.

The Patients' Choice Act also runs into a problem in that its coverage provisions cost significantly more than Obamacare's. According to the Tax Policy Center, swapping the employer tax exclusion for a $2,300 per individual, $5,700 per family refundable tax credit, as proposed by the Patients' Choice Act, would cost $1.7 trillion over 10 years. Obamacare's coverage provisions, by contrast, cost about $1.2 trillion over 10 years. You'd need to make up that revenue somehow, or else accept bigger structural deficits, for the plan to work.

I asked Ryan and Coburn's offices if they're still on board. A Ryan spokesman said he is: "You're right to note that Republicans put forward alternative solutions and Democrats ignored them (well, except Wonkblog) before they jammed Obamacare into law. Chairman Ryan believes the Patients' Choice Act would have actually addressed the main drivers of health-care costs. Going forward, he believes similar common-sense solutions would be superior to the Obamacare trainwreck."

I haven't heard back yet from Coburn — or from Sen. Richard Burr (R-N.C.) or Rep. Devin Nunes (R-Calif.), who also backed the legislation — on his current views. But Ryan's support suggests this idea has at least some purchase in the conference. We'll see whether future repeal-and-replace efforts reflect that. Update: Nunes' office says he still supports the legislation.


19 Jul 18:19

This Tom Toles cartoon on Obamacare is perfect

by Ezra Klein


18 Jul 13:29

The CTFD Method Is the Greatest of All Parenting Trends

by Callie Beusman

The CTFD Method Is the Greatest of All Parenting Trends

I know many people want to stay current with the latest parenting trends—attachment parenting, minimalist parenting, Tiger Mother parenting, et al. Well, I’ve stumbled upon a new technique that will guarantee your child grows up to be an exemplary student and citizen. It’s called CTFD, which stands for “Calm The Fuck Down." And that’s not a message to give your kids. It’s for you.



18 Jul 13:03

Brad and Angelina Might Rent an Entire Cruise Ship for Their Wedding

by Lindy West

Been there, done that.

Brad and Angelina Might Rent an Entire Cruise Ship for Their Wedding

Ooh! Ooh! Planning update for America's Royal Wedding! (In France they call it a wedding with cheese.) Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie mentioned that they're considering holding their storybook Brangelinian nuptials aboard the Hebridean Princess, which would set them back a cool half-mill. But it's clearly worth it, because ship was once chartered by Queen Elizabeth II herself for her 80th-birthday tour of the Scottish isles. And you know what that means: THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND POOPED IN THIS BOAT, Y'ALL.



15 Jul 13:32

DeAnne Smith’s ‘Nerdy Love Song’ Features a Mischievous Kitten

by Doug Barry


DeAnne Smith, one of those unreasonably talented people who can both play music AND make jokes, stuffed a bunch of nerdy pickup lines into a song and played it for everyone on YouTube. “Nerdy Love Song” is wonderful, and not just because it contains a masterful sans serif joke — it also features a troublemaking kitten accompanist, reminding us all that when we exclude cats from internet videos, we do so at significant risk to our cat-less creative endeavors. You have been warned.



03 Jul 13:14

My Hero

by Doug

Alphabetical by author, genre.

My Hero

This one’s dedicated to Bonnie – happy birthday to you!!

Here are more library cartoons.

28 Jun 17:40

Ben and Jerry’s Needs Your Cleverness for Their Latest Campaign

by Maria Helena Carey
Ben and Jerry's logo courtesy of Ben and Jerry's.

Logo courtesy of Ben and Jerry’s.

Ben and Jerry’s has a new campaign to name an ice cream flavor after Washington, D.C. The good news: ice cream won over frozen greek yogurt. Sorry, health-conscious people, but ice cream is always the crown jewel of the icy dessert showcase: the cure to emotional problems; the Yin to our Yang; or, um, the Cheech to our Chong, if you will. The not-so-good news: caramel won over fudge. I guess it only confirms Chocolate City is becoming more vanilla, maybe with a delightful butterscotchy swirl outlining the District.  You can see the whole tally of ingredients by clicking on the link here– the winner will be unveiled tomorrow, Saturday, June 29 so you still have time to suggest your own clever name via Twitter or Facebook. The list includes cherries (yay!) and Route 11 chips. Amazingly, no one thought of adding a ribbon of Mumbo Sauce or, ahem, marionberries and rock candy pieces to the ingredient list (a Dangerously Delicious Pies former specialty, sadly nixed from the menu by the expense of shipping marionberries all the way from the West coast).

This has gotten us here at The Hill is Home thinking not just about clever names for a DC ice cream, but also of the ingredients we wish actually had made the list in the first place.

Let’s face it, people. Here in the nation’s capital, we like our alcohol –perhaps a little too much. This can be evidenced by the millions of Happy Hours, many of which start an hour earlier than most anywhere else: after all, most people are supposed to be at work at 4 pm. The only other thing that is even more popular than watering holes and early-bird specials has got to be brunch: our citywide love runs so deep, it’s inspired blogs and defied the mockery that would naturally arise from seeing a whole bunch of people getting excited for, well, breakfast served late, with alcohol. With that in mind, why didn’t a French Toast-inspired ice cream make the list? You can still do something brunch-appropriate with the winning Waffle Cone pieces, Ben and Jerry’s! Mix in a ribbon of a DC-authentic cocktail, the Rickey, and you can call this flavor something like The Lobbyist’s Lunch or the Bureaucratic Brunch Crunch! (There is seldom much that is bipartisan and crunchy at the same time, you know.)

In that vein, our city has provided countless hours of comic relief on account of the corruption hilarious hijinks of the local political scene. This would be something appropriate to highlight in your name selection: we could have chocolate ice cream with little tricked-out chocolate Lincoln Navigators surrounded by a spicy Mumbo Sauce swirl that could be called Double Brown Takeout, for instance. You can even have a limited-time offer where this flavor has a coupon for a jumbo slice, so we can all continue to eat our feelings of shame and disgust long after the delicious and cool pint is gone. Speaking of bitterness and resentment, we haven’t even brought up the many different iterations of the District’s motto: Taxation Without Representation, such as About $7, With No Guarantee of Long-Term Happiness, or Calorification Without Glorification.

No true DC flavor can gloss over the soul of the city: its important musical contributions. This presents a problem, because how are you going to combine hardcore punk and Go-go in one clever name? My suggestion: Wind me up, Punk!

Ultimately, though, what probably defines us most as a city and as true Washingtonians is not our indignation at the local government or our love of music, or even our avid attendance of all the wonderful free museums. It’s not even a heightened awareness of politics or a love of this misshapen little diamond that inspires so much passion. It’s not even a shared love of weekend calories, or of post-work alcohol. Therefore, here is my last contribution: one that is sure to bring a tear to a true Washington-area person, whether native or adopted, suburban or not: WALK ON THE LEFT, A$$H0LE.

26 Jun 18:05

Texas Republicans Try To Steal Tiny, Itty-Bitty Abortion Vote, Are Foiled By Ladies What Won’t Shut Up

by Kaili Joy Gray

It was worth staying up to watch.

State Sen. Wendy Davis (D-Badass)Were you unable to sleep last night because of the sound of women screaming WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!?!? coming out of the Texas state capitol?

It all started when state Sen. Wendy Davis, Wonkette’s unanimous frontrunner for the Legislative Badass of the Year Award, stood on her feet all goddamned day to explain, in little itty bitty words that even Texas Republicans should be able to understand, why Senate Bill 5 — which bans abortion after 20 weeks, requires clinics to be certified as “ambulatory surgical centers,” and a bunch of other steaming donkeyshit — is wrong and stupid and unconstitutional and also wrong and stupid (and unconstitutional). As Yr Wonkette already ‘splained at you, all but five of Texas’s 47 existing clinics would have to close under this new bill.

But then? Oh, there were shenanigans!

As you might imagine, the menfolk of the Texas Senate did not appreciate having to listen to some lady running her mouth off ’bout ladyparts, as, clearly, that’s none of her business. State Sen. Bob Deuell, who is A Doctor and also A Idiot, even mansplained that none of this is even relevant because — we shit you not — pregnancy only results from “accurate intercourse.” Yeah. We can’t believe that shit either. Except that considering today’s Republican Party, we totally can.

But Wendy Davis, who is a superbad badass, just kept yammerin’ and yammerin’ and was all, like, “No, I will NOT yield.” Which is when the menfolk did some outside-the-box thinking (yes, we use that “thinking” word loosely) and decided they’d found a way to shut that whole thing down.

WHAT?!? you say. They just, like, made her stop talking? Why yes they did. Because she dared to discuss other Texas restrictions on abortion, and the menfolk kept saying that discussing abortion restrictions was not “germane” to the discussion of abortion restrictions, and some RIDICULOSE Texas procedural rule says that if the men whine three times and click their heels, they can end a filibuster.

In case you were watching the clock, yes, that was the exact moment that ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. The audience — and vaginas all across the land — started shouting “BULLSHIT!” so the Texas menfolk had the audience escorted and locked out of the room because lalalalalala, we can’t hear you! Shut up, men are talking!

They then proceeded to discuss, for, like, hours, whether the whining about referencing abortion restrictions in a discussion about abortion restrictions was “germane this” and “germane that” and yes, Jermaine was the worst Jackson, and argle bargle something something yadda yadda MAKE THE MEAN LADY STOP TALKING!

Finally, after they’d consulted themselves and their manual enough to convince themselves that yes, they were quite certain they did not want to hear any more from the little woman, they decided it was time to vote on their heinous bill. And that’s when the dogs of war were REALLY slipped and the crowd went wild. No, seriously, it went motherfucking wild. There was screaming and shouting, even as the very gifted state Sen. Robert Lloyd Duncan begged the crowd to please stop shouting at him and said, “If I can have some order,” to which the crowd basically shouted FUCK YOU AND YOUR ORDER! And when he tried to announce a vote tally — surprise! The menfolk got their way, according to his calculation! — the crowd erupted into chants of “SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!” and some more general shouting and outrage, while the GOP frantically looked for a parliamentary loophole so they could fool the crowd into leaving, then vote with no one in the chamber.

While the bill did not actually pass by the midnight deadline, the GOP decided it was just a heckuva lot easier to say it did. Congratulations, womens of Texas! You are cordially invited to go intercourse yourselves accurately.

Except wait! After a couple more hours of private conversation in quiet rooms, the GOP decided that maybe stealing a vote right in front of the whole world was not such a good idea, and that it was finally and bitterly willing to admit the official vote was recorded at 12:03 (that’s after midnight, for you clock-challenged Republicans out there). So SB5 is, it turns out, dead as fried chicken. Awww yeah.

After watching that travesty of a mockery of a sham, even with happy ending, we are tired. Our vaginas are tired. Not Wendy Davis tired, of course, but we are not the badass she is. But we are in need of all the drinks, so send us your monies. For the ladies. For vaginas. For ‘Merica.

25 Jun 19:57

Washington Metro Area No. 1 Place for 20-Somethings in America

by Sarah Anne Hughes
Washington Metro Area No. 1 Place for 20-Somethings in America Thanks to economic opportunity and cultural happenings, D.C. was named the best city for 20-somethings by NerdWallet. [ more › ]