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12 Jul 18:02

Can You Tell Which of These Alt-Right Personalities Are Fake?

by Justin Caffier

In the months since Donald Trump was elected president, the alt-right has gone from being an amorphous group of incorrigible shitposters to an amorphous group of incorrigible shitposters with a growing audience, a prominent place in the media ecosystem, and a bunch of intra-group feuds.

All of a sudden, a 4chan obsession, a hazy relationship with the truth, and an utter lack of shame are all that's required to become internet famous, and lesser-known alt-righters have seized upon the movement's instability, jockeying for media attention and attaboys from their God Emperor. For many of these people, no attention-grabbing antic is over the line, and no publicity is bad publicity.

Below are the profiles of some of the rising "stars" of the alt-right, as well as some people who don't actually exist, to see if you can tell the difference. Which are real, and which are fake news? Answers at the bottom.

1. Jason Kessler

All images via fair use YouTube screen captures
All screencaps via YouTube
  • Loves Confederate statues so much that he punched a man while campaigning to keep them up. He claims it's about preserving history, not racism.
  • Was excited about new research indicating the first human ancestors may have evolved in Europe, not Africa.

2. Paul Joseph Watson

  • Once bragged that he was triggering people by drinking milk and eating sushi.
  • Denies that depression is a mental illness.

3. Nikolas Averin

  • Believes that businesses should be free to discriminate based on religion or ethnicity, even if that meant he couldn't go certain places as a Jew.
  • Became radicalized by David Duke's book while serving time for tax fraud.

4. Lucian Wintrich

  • Shot a "Twinks4Trump" calendar featuring photos of naked gay men wearing Make America Great Again hats.
  • Once referred to former White House LGBT liaison Raffi Freedman-Gurspan as an "unnatractive tranny."

5. Lauren Southern

  • Legally changed her gender to male to make a point about government forms being too easy to fill out.
  • Wrote a book denouncing Islam and baby boomers.

6. Kyle Chapman

  • Most famous for breaking a stick in two during a street brawl, earning him the moniker "Based Stick Man."
  • Currently trying to get a comic book made about a cool guy who hits people over the head with sticks.

7. George H. Hernandez

  • Gave ICE information that led to in a raid that caught five undocumented immigrants, one of whom was Hernandez's second cousin.
  • Has tattoo of Calvin peeing on the Clinton campaign logo.

8. Wesley Schall

  • Author of a Pizzagate-themed coloring book.
  • Was exposed for creating a series of "sockpuppet" Twitter accounts that purported to be run by gay black men who loved Trump.

9. Andrew Torba

  • Created Gab, an anti-censorship social media platform where everyone is free to call one another the N-word and wish for the eradication of Islam without fear of being banned.
  • Was once quoted as saying: "Take your morally superior, elitist, virtue signaling bullshit and shove it. I call it like I see it, and I helped meme a President into office, cucks."

10. Christopher Cantwell

  • Claims communists have taken over the Libertarian Party.
  • Has celebrated the deaths of cops.

11. Dr. Tim Abernathy

  • Gave a Ted X talk on how slave traders were the original "disruptors."
  • Created an "update" of the Confederate flag that incorporated minimalist, modern design.

12. Lana Lokteff

  • Believes the Holocaust is exaggerated.
  • Thinks non-natural clothing materials cause disease and started her own all-organic fashion line called Lana's Llama.

13. Nathan Damigo

  • Marine veteran who gained popularity after "falcon punching" a 95-pound woman in the face at a protest.
  • Robbed a cab driver he thought was Iraqi at gunpoint for $43.

ANSWERS
1. REAL
2. REAL
3. FAKE - Photo actually of my friend Gille, who is not alt-right.
4. REAL
5. REAL
6. REAL
7. FAKE - Photo actually of my friend Arun, who is not alt-right.
8. FAKE - Photo actually of me, the author, and I'm not alt-right.
9. REAL
10. REAL
11. FAKE - Photo actually of my friend Max, who is not alt-right.
12. REAL
13. REAL

12 Jul 17:32

Chicago's First Cat Cafe Is Finally Opening This Month, At Tree House's New Shelter

by Stephen Gossett
IKEA Monkey

I'd die, but some of you would like it

 
The wait is almost over. [ more › ]
12 Jul 14:27

Guilty pug has the absolute worst poker face of all time

IKEA Monkey

DAVID

Guilty pug has the absolute worst poker face of all timeDefinitive fact: all dogs are good dogs — even when they break stuff. It's hard to blame a pet for doing something wrong because they're just so cute and we just love 'em so much.  And because they know we'll snuggle them anyway, even though they've done something wrong, some sneaky pets will act as though they had nothing to do with it, knowing they can trick us into thinking that all the pillows just happened to burst open all on their own. SEE ALSO: Poor little dog had to be rescued from lagoon 2 times by police officers But Twitter user Kai Johnson's pug, Alfie, couldn't hide his guilt for long. If there was any question about who broke all the glasses on the table, Alfie's face says it all. Have you ever seen a more guilty pug? pic.twitter.com/Lhf4ECt1uL — Kai Johnson (@Kaijohnson_19) July 9, 2017 Those are the saddest, guiltiest eyes we have ever seen. But look at his little rolls! Who could punish a pup this cute? Even though Alfie clearly had something to do with the mess, Twitter users strongly came to his defense because, once again, sad pug eyes are a human's Kryptonite. Clearly, next doors cat got in the window. How you could even entertain the idea that Pugster did it beats me. #PugsterIsInnocent#WasntMe — Ronan McCann (@SligoChap) July 10, 2017 u will not yell at him! he's only a dog! pic.twitter.com/j05LutCcnW — v LOVES zayn (@marvelcomiczjm) July 10, 2017 how could you even get mad at that face — Kenzie (@kvstarr_) July 10, 2017 My mans is innocent ! — Big Blind (@CarlWinsHigh) July 10, 2017  whatever happened the pug is innocent!!!! They always are!!!❤️ — Jenna Bettschen (@JennaBettschen) July 10, 2017 How can you not forgive a face like that? pic.twitter.com/xrqIdeywU7 — High End Makeup Snob (@Vikeejeah) July 10, 2017 The jury has spoken! This pugster is innocent. Case closed. Now give him scratchies. WATCH: Cesar Millan's rules before getting a new puppy


12 Jul 13:40

Giant iceberg breaks off Antarctica

IKEA Monkey

This is fine

Giant iceberg breaks off AntarcticaBy Nina Chestney LONDON (Reuters) - One of the biggest icebergs on record has broken away from Antarctica, scientists said on Wednesday, creating an extra hazard for ships around the continent as it breaks up. The one trillion tonne iceberg, measuring 5,800 square km, calved away from the Larsen C Ice Shelf in Antarctica sometime between July 10 and 12, said scientists at the University of Swansea and the British Antarctic Survey. The iceberg has been close to breaking off for a few months.


12 Jul 13:02

Chicago 'Antifa' opens 'self-defense gym' to fight 'white nationalism' in Trump's 'AmeriKKKa'

by foxnewsonline@foxnews.com (Fox News Online)
IKEA Monkey

Awesome, how do I join

12 Jul 00:02

'Cards Against Humanity' Swipes At Discriminatory BS With Brand-New 'For Her' Version

by Stephen Gossett
'Cards Against Humanity' Swipes At Discriminatory BS With Brand-New 'For Her' Version It's exactly the same as the original. Except it costs more and it's pink. [ more › ]
11 Jul 17:33

Dreamy private island off the coast of Maine can be yours for $8M

by Barbara Eldredge
IKEA Monkey

I can scrounge up some change if anyone wants to go in on it with me

The 86-acre island comes with a mansion, guest houses, a tiny church, and private tavern

Itching to get away from it all on your own private island retreat? Want to bring your horses? And maybe a small village? Hope Island—described as a “magical island kingdom”—may be just the land mass you’re looking for.

The 86-acre isle is a 25-minute boat ride from Portland, Maine, and has 11,050 feet of rugged rocky coast and sand beaches. It’s also got a three-bedroom, six-bath mansion clocking in at 10,000 square feet. Apparently the main house was built more for entertaining than sleeping, as the home’s great hall takes up a whopping 1,165 square feet of the space, accommodating a grand floating staircase, bar, and french doors that open onto a wide terrace.

The island also has several guest houses, a large boathouse, 10-stall horse stable, a few barns and houses for ducks and chickens, a small steepled chapel, and a private tavern. The roads are concrete. The island is powered by a submerged marine power cable as well as generators, and it gets its water from nine private freshwater wells.

But all of this lovely luxury comes at a price—and not just the $7.95 million price tag. Property taxes for the isle ballooned so much in the 2000s that owners John and Phyllis Cacoulidis tried to secede into their own private village. The annual tax bill is now over $75,000 a year. And maintaining the infrastructure of a large island isn’t cheap either.

But ah, the view.

Via: Mansion Global, Christie’s

11 Jul 16:34

Donald Trump Jr Russian lawyer meeting: A 'loyal American' would have called the FBI, says ex-Bush ethics lawyer

IKEA Monkey

YEAH NO DUH

Donald Trump Jr Russian lawyer meeting: A 'loyal American' would have called the FBI, says ex-Bush ethics lawyerDonald Trump Jr's first call after he was allegedly offered information on Hillary Clinton by a Russia-linked lawyer should have been to the FBI, a former White House ethics lawyer has said. Mr Trump met Natalia Veselnitskaya during his father's presidential campaign in June 2016, and she reportedly claimed she had "information that individuals connected to Russia were funding the Democratic National Committee and supporting [Hillary] Clinton," the billionaire's son said.


11 Jul 14:32

Donald Trump Jr. 'did not collude with anybody,' White House says - Donald Trump Jr., in sarcastic tweet, mocks report on Russia lawyer meeting - Trump defends Ivanka role at G-20, suggests Chelsea Clinton held to different standard - Trump nominates ambassadors to Italy, the Czech Republic

by foxnewsonline@foxnews.com (Fox News Online)
IKEA Monkey

Chelsea Clinton has a doctorate in international relations. Also her parents aren't president. Also they never ever asked her to sit in for them in international meetings. Trump is a fuckin idiot.

11 Jul 13:50

White House rips Democrats for 'needless obstruction' on Trump nominees

by foxnewsonline@foxnews.com (Fox News Online)
IKEA Monkey

YOU HAVE THE MAJORITY IN BOTH HOUSES. ALSO YOU NEED TO NOMINATE SOMEONE FIRST FFS

11 Jul 13:48

Earth's 6th mass extinction is severe, study says

IKEA Monkey

Cool, cool cool cool

10 Jul 21:58

Christina Aguilera: A Fugstory

by Heather
IKEA Monkey

This is truly an incredible journey through "fashion"

Further proof the late '90s and early aughts were a dark sartorial time.
10 Jul 14:08

No gluten-free hosts for Eucharist, Vatican says, but GMOs OK

IKEA Monkey

Didn't know the body of christ contained wheat gluten

No gluten-free hosts for Eucharist, Vatican says, but GMOs OKThe unleavened bread used to celebrate the Eucharist during Catholic masses can be made with genetically modified organisms, the Vatican said Saturday, but they cannot be entirely gluten-free. Cardinal Robert Sarah of the Vatican's Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments said the guidance was needed now that the Eucharistic bread and wine can be found in supermarkets and "even over the internet". "It is altogether forbidden to use wine of doubtful authenticity or provenance," he added.


08 Jul 13:01

Easy Panna Cotta

by Sally Vargas
IKEA Monkey

I want it

Panna cotta is such an easy and elegant make-ahead dessert for any special occasion, from Christmas dinner to the Fourth of July! Serve with a quick fruit sauce and summer berries.

Continue reading "Easy Panna Cotta" »

08 Jul 12:53

Historic 1961 home on the market for first time asks $385K

by Lauren Ro
IKEA Monkey

Pretty. Erin - penny flower!

Architect Harris Armstrong designed the “sun house”

Have a nomination for a jaw-dropping listing that would make a mighty fine House of the Day? Get thee to the tipline and send us your suggestions. We'd love to see what you've got.

Location: St. Louis, Missouri

Price: $385,000

When Egon and Dorothea Schwarz first wrote to architect Harris Armstrong about designing a house for them for $18,000, Armstrong balked, advising that they invest in a car instead.

But after searching high and low for an affordable home in St. Louis, Missouri, where the family had moved for Egon to start a teaching position at Washington University, they tried again. This time, Armstrong was on board—as long as they agreed to purchasing an irregular lot that was minutes away from his office.

Now the Oakland Historic Landmarked home, which was completed around 1961 (with an addition added in 1966), is on the market for the first time, and it’s a charmer.

Beautifully maintained, the two-story “solar house”—so named for Armstrong’s technique of designing dwellings to most efficiently capture and deflect the sun’s rays—features four bedrooms, three bathrooms, an expanded retro kitchen, great room, soaring vaulted and beamed ceilings, a sunroom, skylights and clerestory windows, wood paneling, and an abundance of built in shelving.

One of Dorothea’s requests was that the residence allow space for a garden, and the property, which occupies a 100 by 150-foot lot, comes with lushly landscaped outdoor spaces. A one-car-plus garage rounds out the special house, which, located at 1036 Oakland Avenue, is offered at $385,000.

Courtesy of Circa Properties (h/t Estately)

08 Jul 12:52

The Bold Experimentation and Ethereal Beauty of ‘A Ghost Story’

by Jason Bailey
IKEA Monkey

I keep reading about this movie and now I want to see it, despite the trailer looking ridiculous, despite Casey Affleck (he does spend most of the movie literally covered in a sheet), and despite my own trepidation toward watching a movie that deals so fully with grief. But every single review is like this one - "this shouldn't work but goddamn, it works." So now I want to see it.

Erin, note, I have read about a scene in this movie that would not be safe for you, so I'll watch it first to see whats the deal.

There’s a scene about midway through writer/director David Lowery’s modest, experimental supernatural tale A Ghost Story that’s simple in conception, but will absolutely deck you in execution. Our female protagonist, who is never referred to by name but is played by Rooney Mara, has lost her partner, and is still in a state resembling shock. A friend has come by, as friends often do, and left her something to eat; a pie, covered in foil. After a moment or two of busy work, she takes off the foil and looks at it, and it’s immediately clear that she’s just gonna eat that fucking pie, as if it’s it’s going to fill the hole in her heart. (We’ve all been there.) And that’s what she does, stuffing bite after bite into her face; she occasionally stops to take a breath or drop a tear, and then she pushes on.

It’s a quietly revelatory portrayal of grief, a moment so profoundly private, it feels like we shouldn’t be there (and frankly, neither should the other presence in that room). To stay with it is a risky act of filmmaking, but that’s what’s so remarkable about A Ghost Story – that in spite of its marquee stars and its writer/director’s recently vaunted-by-Disney profile, it is an honest-to-goodness experimental movie, a story that starts going in one direction and unexpectedly veers into unexplored territory, rewriting its rules as it goes.

This also makes it a tricky movie to talk about without unraveling the delicate thread that holds it together. Suffice it to say that there is a couple, and they seem about average – they love and fight in equal measure, and there are enough weird noises and refractions of light that you believe, from the title, that there is a ghost in their home. And then something else happens. The way the movie turns there, without the kind of clichéd run-up and action we’ve come to expect, is the first tip that Lowery is going off the grid; he tells his story in aftermath rather than incident, which is not, to put it mildly, standard operating procedure.

Yet even then the story doesn’t proceed as expected, or in the way one might predict; it’s not a story about special effects or “hauntings” or Ghost-style interactions, but about grief and observation. It’s a film so muted it’s borderline alienating, but there is real pain and power in its silences, and how they’re punctured; there’s a moment where Mara listens to a song that transports her back to her past, the music functioning as a time machine, and Lowery uses cinema in much the same way. He ends up traversing days, weeks, longer in his cuts and pans, as we’re locked in to a house that’s literally full of life in one cut, and stripped bare, riddled with decay in the next.

Lowery’s narrative can move breathlessly forward and then tumble backward; the most clichéd expression of boredom is “like watching paint dry,” but there’s a bit of running business about peeling paint away, and it’s an astonishingly potent image. You’re never quite sure what he’s up to; he’ll give us long stretches where nothing is said at all, and then turn the whole movie over to a long, philosophical monologue by Will Oldham, playing a character we’ve never seen before and never see again. (All told, Oldham probably has more dialogue than either Affleck or Mara.)

Yet Lowery’s confidence as a filmmaker never wavers, and as a result, neither does our attention. He pairs his powerful imagery with Daniel Hart’s bottomless, mournful score, and gives us moments of absurdist humor, and will then pivot to a flash of emotion so heartrending, it leaves you agog. A Ghost Story should not work. It sounds like it won’t work. It works.

“A Ghost Story” is out today in limited release.

07 Jul 20:37

Philippines' Duterte vows to eat militants after beheadings

IKEA Monkey

this is normal

Philippines' Duterte vows to eat militants after beheadingsPhilippine President Rodrigo Duterte has threatened to eat alive the Islamist militants behind the abduction and beheadings of two Vietnamese sailors in a furious reaction to the killings. The remains of the two hostages, who were kidnapped along with four other crew members of a Vietnamese cargo ship in November last year, were recovered off the southern region of Mindanao by Philippine troops on Wednesday. The military blamed the killings on the notorious kidnap-for-ransom Abu Sayyaf group with a stronghold in the area, and which is known to behead its hostages unless ransom payments are made.


07 Jul 15:18

Fireflies

by nedroid
IKEA Monkey

I love Beartato

Fireflies

07 Jul 13:39

Tour de Pharmacy's Insane, Riotous Ride

by Sophie Gilbert
IKEA Monkey

John Cena's in it? Sign me up

Tour de Pharmacy, a new mockumentary by Andy Samberg and Murray Miller, starts as it means to go on: with Orlando Bloom, in lycra and sporting two-tone facial hair, hurtling down a mountain having a drug-induced heart attack while his penis dangles woefully to the side. The 38-minute special, a good-natured play on reverent sports docs like ESPN’s 30 for 30 series, is absurd. It takes the thorny subject of doping in professional cycling and turns it into pure, gleeful mayhem, complete with animated guides to red-blood cells, artistic renderings of bear fellatio, and Lance Armstrong wearing a white fur coat, texting his lawyer.

The HBO special is a follow-up of sorts to 2015’s 7 Days in Hell, also written by Miller and directed by Jake Szymanski, which starred Samberg and Kit Harington as two professional tennis players participating in the longest and most controversial match in sports lore. Like its predecessor, Tour de Pharmacy turns a satirical eye to the more ridiculous excesses of professional sport—in this case the history of drug-fueled athletes at the Tour de France. If you’re not quite ready to laugh at Armstrong’s self-owns regarding his record of humiliating TV appearances, it’s hard not to snicker when John Cena shows up in typical Herculean form as the German athlete Gustav Ditters, roid-raging at any suggestions that he might have had chemical assistance in bulking up.

Cena is only one of an eclectic array of stars. Jon Hamm returns as the perfectly grave narrator. From the sporting world, there are Armstrong, Mike Tyson, Joe Buck, and Chris Webber as faux-earnest talking heads. But the plot focuses mainly on the five cyclists who supposedly faced off in the 1982 Tour de France: Bloom’s Italian stallion Juju Peppi (visibly inspired by the late Marco Pantani); Cena’s Ditters; Samberg’s white Nigerian frat boy Marty Hass; Freddie Highmore’s Frenchwoman-in-disguise Adrian Baton; and Daveed Diggs’s American trailblazer Slim Robinson, Jackie Robinson’s “nephew,” with a history book-sized chip on his shoulder.

Miller and Samberg apparently became friends when both were summer-camp counselors who’d satirize the talent shows the staff would perform each year. Appropriately, Tour de Pharmacy has the attention span of a 15-year-old boy, whooshing from “historical footage” to video interludes to obscene Finnish credit-card commercials to Phylicia Rashad as an animator kicked off Sesame Street for creating a Black Panther puppet. In a longer movie, it might provoke whiplash. Here, though, the pace is frenetic enough that it works. And the special is sneakily well-informed when it comes to the story of doping in cycling, from the pharmacopeia of drugs athletes have historically ingested to get through races to the corrupt figures who turn a blind eye (a bewigged Kevin Bacon pops up as a Finnish anti-doping official who demands bribes to pay off his mountain of debt).

But wait: There’s more. Like James Marsden as a plummy BBC presenter riding alongside the cyclists. And Jeff Goldblum, Danny Glover, Dolph Lundgren, and Julia Ormond as the present-day Hass, Robinson, Ditters, and Baton. And J.J. Abrams, inexplicably. At this point in his career, Samberg apparently has the network of friends and the stored-up goodwill to get anyone and everyone he wants to participate in what’s essentially a high-concept teenage showreel. Luckily for all involved, the end result is insane, filthy, and totally fun.

06 Jul 20:47

Great Job, Internet!: The future of football is post-human despair (and fascinating sports meta-fiction)

by William Hughes
IKEA Monkey

this is amazing

We don’t normally associate online sports coverage with pushing the boundaries of multimedia fiction, but Vox’s SB Nation blog dropped a fascinating, mind-bending treat on the internet last night, in the form of Jon Bois’ speculative 17776, or What Football Will Look Like In The Future. Consisting (so far) of scrolling text interludes interspersed with pictures and video, Bois’ serial story is still in progress, but seems largely concerned with the “why” of sports. That is, given the massive resources, time, and information at our disposal (not to mention those available to our descendants), why does communal game-playing still hold such an important place in society? To say more would be to risk spoilers on a truly innovative piece of work, so if you’ve got an hour to spend thinking about football, consciousness, hope, despair, and the absolutely staggering amount of creative latitude SB Nation apparently allows ...

06 Jul 17:57

Vegan Restaurant Owners #Triggered Just Because Diner Didn’t Want To See Their Kid’s #Butthole

by Evan Hurst
IKEA Monkey

Butthole

This actually didn’t even happen in Portland

There is a vegan restaurant in Memphis called Imagine Vegan Cafe. We have never been there because LOL vegan food. Next time we get a hankering to eat sand, we guess! Anyway, this restaurant is not far from our house, and from what we know from our local vegan pals, it’s well-regarded. Or should we say, it WAS well-regarded, but then #ButtholeGate happened.

Y’all. Y’ALL.

A regular diner had a bad experience, so she left a review, like people do. It wasn’t a mean review, really! She didn’t cuss them, and she didn’t say she was never ever fucking visiting again. She just wanted to let the owners know she found it kind of icky when she was eating her monkey grass salad with dirt dressing, and the OWNER’S TODDLER CHILD WAS RUNNING AROUND THE RESTAURANT ALL NEKKID WITH DIRTY FEET AND SHOWING ITS BUTTHOLE TO WHOMEVER WANTED TO SEE IT. She also didn’t like it when the owner’s other kid yodeled at her repeatedly while she was eating. Otherwise, it was great! Really good imitation food! Would eat again! Just, like, next time, hold the toddler butthole and the yodeling and everything will be great, OK?

Now, a normal restaurateur who knows how to run a business would see this, apologize profusely, and promise it will never happen again. Maybe a gift certificate would be in the offing! That is not what happened.

The owners instead responded by lashing out at the reviewer in two (recently deleted!) posts, because obviously that person hates children, because if you don’t want to eat lunch or dinner while Mommy’s Little Bundle Of Health Code Violations runs amok, that means you HATE KIDS and HATE HER KIDS SPECIFICALLY:

As you can imagine, there were ONE MILLION comments and the thing was going viral, with everybody tagging all their friends and loved ones and pastors and their fluffers saying “OMG YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS.” They were #NeverForgetting about the thing they named #ButtholeGate! A few people were like, “Blow off the haters!” But other people were asking, “But if you don’t want to have TODDLER BUTTHOLE IN YOUR FACE when you are eating, does that really make you a hater? REALLY?”

As we said, this has all been deleted (like in the last five minutes — aren’t you glad yr local Wonkette was on the case?):

The commenters’ rebuttals could be summed up as, “No actually the menu does not say DINING ROOM FULL OF TODDLER BUTTHOLES, but nice try though!”

That’s right, fuck ALL Y’ALL SELFISH MOTHERFUCKERS who think restaurants should have quaint things like “standards.” Imagine Vegan Cafe is about SAVING ANIMALS and LETTING KIDS RUN AROUND WITH DIRTY FEET AND SHOWIN’ EVERYBODY THEIR BUTTHOLE. Sure, it’s a “business” in the sense that it takes money and makes a profit and has to pay taxes and has to be inspected by the health department on a regular basis, but that is just FASCIST CAPITALISM GONE WILD. Why do you hate animals and toddler buttholes and insistent yodeling?

Besides, their kids were being totally normal, even if they were taking local diners to Butthole McYodelTown against their will:

HOLY GOD, the kid is POTTY TRAINING? As opposed to potty train-ED? So there’s a risk that, as you’re sitting there eating your imitation hot wings (made entirely of couscous and sadness!), the naked kid might have an oopsie-poopsie? Like literally? On your table?

After the first thread went viral, the restaurant started a new thread to apologize for being such dicks who probably only act like that because their stomachs are crying out for a fucking steak explain why they were right and the person who left the mean review is a liar who sucks:

Then they deleted that one too.

If you’re ever in Memphis and find yourself passing Imagine Vegan Cafe, you may judge for yourself whether it is to your liking. Or you can take it from a local, make a right at the light, make another right at the next light, and on your right you will see a glorious place called Central BBQ, where the food is made of food and the only exposed butts are on the hogs they’re smokin’ up right nice for you out back.

Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you! If you love us, click below to fund us!

[Imagine Vegan Cafe on Facebook]

06 Jul 00:50

Maxwell House Tries Selling Coffee by Levels of Caffeine

by Q
IKEA Monkey

Those look like condom boxes.

Rather than going by the lightness of the roast or the origin of the beans, Maxwell House tries a different tack with the introduction of Max Boost coffee, which is categorized by the amount of caffeine present in each cup.

Max Boost offers three varieties of coffee with 1.25x, 1.5x, and 1.75x the caffeine in an "average cup of Arabica coffee," respectively, while otherwise tasting the same and requiring the same amount of coffee to prepare.

They're also making a foray into flavored coffee with the new MAX Indulge line, which blends coffee and cocoa and features three flavors: Mocha, Mocha & Salted Caramel, and Mocha & S'mores.

Apparently, the new coffee line is meant to appeal to younger consumers by offering varying "functional benefits" (i.e. caffeine) to "address their different needs throughout the day," according to Luke Cole, Director of Marketing, Coffee, The Kraft Heinz Company.

MAX by Maxwell House can presently be found at retailers nationwide at a suggested retail price of $4.29 for roast, ground, and "soluble coffee" (i.e. instant coffee), and $7.99 for Keurig K Cups.

Photo via Kraft Heinz.
Read more at Brand Eating!
05 Jul 22:04

Midcentury in Palm Springs gets gorgeous flip, wants $725K

by Lauren Ro
IKEA Monkey

Is that guest bathroom carpeted?

What do you think of the transformation?

Have a nomination for a jaw-dropping listing that would make a mighty fine House of the Day? Get thee to the tipline and send us your suggestions. We'd love to see what you've got.

Location: Palm Springs, California

Price: $725,000

We love a good flip, especially if it involves midcentury modern homes and sunny locales like Palm Springs—like this one that the good folks at Estately have alerted us to.

Sold in August of last year for $420,000, the 1,500-square-foot three-bedroom was in a bit of a state of disrepair and in need of a facelift. Still, you could see from the old listing photos that the bones were strong.

Now, after an extensive renovation, the bungalow is back on the market, brighter and better than ever. The most noticeable change is in the living room, which has been opened up to create a flexible layout that now encompasses an open-plan living and dining area and allows the interiors to breathe. The original sliding glass doors remain and frame sunny views onto a covered patio, pool, and grassy yard.

The spacious bedrooms, too, have been stripped back, and now feature a new paint job and new carpeting. The bathrooms have all been updated as well. The renovation has also added a fourth bedroom and a third bathroom and, in the process, about 500 extra square feet, but the listing says, rather puzzlingly, that it is up to the buyer to verify. For those interested, the property at 465 North Juanita Drive is now offered at $725,000.

Via: Estately, Bennion Deville Homes

05 Jul 19:57

Great Job, Internet!: Chance The Rapper’s Tiny Desk concert proves he is good at many things

by Clayton Purdom
IKEA Monkey

Chance is great

Chance The Rapper is good at many things. One only needs to listen to his trio of mixtapes, which swing easily from soul to R&B to rap, often within the same song, for evidence; he is the rare talent that sounds as comfortable alongside jazz trumpeters as he does 2 Chainz. He’s also a prolific humanitarian and, let’s be honest, an inevitable senator or something, because pretty much everyone loves him. Last month, he stopped by NPR to perform a Tiny Desk concert and, in the process, exhibit a handful of those skills, and today the full video was finally released. He is good at lots of things in it!

As befits an intimate space, he played the sweet, slow Coloring Book track “Juke Jam” before reciting a poem he wrote on the way to the performance, all before finishing things off with a Stevie Wonder cover. The ...

05 Jul 14:40

Scholars: 25th Amendment talk 'premature,' unrealistic

IKEA Monkey

yeah well so was talk of trump becoming president, so.

Democratic Rep. Jamie Raskin is urging his colleagues to get behind a bill that could potentially oust President Donald Trump if he was mentally or physically unfit to lead, and the Maryland Democrat is citing the 25th Amendment of the Constitution as his legal backup.
04 Jul 00:12

Giant Sausage Stuffed Zucchini

by Elise Bauer
IKEA Monkey

ERIN you've made great stuffed zucchini, here's another recipe!

Have a few extra-large zucchinis? Stuff them with Italian sausage, onions, garlic, tomato, and fresh breadcrumbs, and bake. (Swap in medium-sized zucchinis, too!)

Continue reading "Giant Sausage Stuffed Zucchini" »

04 Jul 00:08

Sculptural Norman Jaffe home on two acres asks just under $4M

by Lauren Ro
IKEA Monkey

Gorgeous.

Striking yet still homey

Have a nomination for a jaw-dropping listing that would make a mighty fine House of the Day? Get thee to the tipline and send us your suggestions. We'd love to see what you've got.

Location: Old Westbury, New York

Price: $3,995,000

This 1977 swooping home is striking and sculptural all the same. That’s because it was designed by Norman Jaffe, a prolific “romantic modernist” architect known for creating a collection of modern homes in the Hamptons over a 35-year-long career.

Located in Old Westbury, New York, in Nassau County, the hefty house is formed by several hulking volumes, the largest of which is the wood-clad, wedge-like roof topping the residence. Below it is an expansive glass-walled living space that enjoys views onto the verdant two-acre site. The structure also incorporates extensive use of stone on the facade and throughout the many outdoor spaces dotting the property.

As for the interiors, six bedrooms and seven bathrooms unfurl on a nearly 7,000-square-foot floorplan, where natural materials like redwood and slate, and the aforementioned stone create a warm and dynamic space. Other surprising architectural elements abound, including a central curved volume surrounding the staircase and making up part of a mezzanine, and a split-level great room anchored by a massive fireplace.

Amenities-wise there’s a home theater, multiple decks and patios, and, of course, a glittering pool. Located at 15 Horseshoe Road, it’s offered at just under $4 million.

Via: Sotheby’s International Realty

03 Jul 16:13

Maria Menounos reveals brain tumor battle, quits E! News

by Associated Press
IKEA Monkey

Golf-ball size? Jesus. :(

Maria Menounos says she has been diagnosed with a benign brain tumor and has announced her resignation from E! News.

Menounos tells People magazine that she underwent surgery last month to remove a golf-ball-sized tumor discovered in February. Menounos says 99.9 percent of the tumor was removed...

03 Jul 16:07

Hungary’s ‘musical road’ will sing to drivers going at the right speed

by Barbara Eldredge
IKEA Monkey

THIS IS SO COOL

The cars essentially act like needles on a record player

Hungary’s Route 67 is not only getting an expansion, it’s getting a song. The Austrian contractor tasked with widening and rebuilding the roadway is also adding special rumble trips to a section of the street surface. The rumble strips create audible vibrations when driven over—so that drivers moving at the correct speed will “play” the Hungarian rock ballad 67-es út, Route 67.

“This project shows how much creativity there can be in transportation infrastructures,” said Thomas Birtel, chief executive of contractor Strabag. “We are delighted to be able to realize this interesting project for Hungary’s national infrastructure company.”

The world’s first known musical road is Denmark’s Asphaltophone, which debuted in 1995. Today, there are singing rumble strips in at least seven more countries including Japan, Ukraine, and the United States. Here’s a television segment about a section of Route 66 that sings America The Beautiful:

Via: Global Construction Review

03 Jul 15:52

A.V. Undercover: Cloud Nothings deliver a polarizing take on Coldplay’s “Clocks”

by Marah Eakin
IKEA Monkey

This is bullshit. They just basically said "fuck it". If you're not gonna get into it, then don't do it. Don't pretend you're too cool for it.

When we put Coldplay’s “Clocks” on this year’s Undercover list, we figured we’d get some pretty, emotive cover of the British group’s megahit. What we got, instead, was Cloud Nothings’ version of a sonic art project. As you’ll see in the clip, the group weaves together the actual melody of “Clocks” with animal sounds, deep fuzz, copious amounts of smoke, and a lot of dissonance for its version of the cut. We’re not sure if it’s a cover, per se, but it’s intriguing to watch all the same.

Cloud Nothings’ latest record, Life Without Sound, is out now on Carpark Records. The group is touring throughout the rest of the year.

Watch our interview with Cloud Nothings’ lead vocalist, Dylan Baldi, below.