IKEA Monkey

The AP is reporting that actor Dennis Farina, who played Detective Joe Fontana on "Law and Order," has died at 69.

Farina, who recently had a guest-starring role on Fox's comedy "New Girl," was a former Chicago police officer and was frequently typecast as an enforcement official or mobster on television. In 2012, Farina played Gus Demetriou in HBO's short-running horse-race drama "Luck."

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This one gets a ton of points for creativity. Taking a break from our standard “vets returning home to surprise their families at sports events” videos that we just can’t get enough of, a woman named Bethany Bronson posted a video to YouTube on Tuesday of her and her daughter snorkeling. Of course, that’s nothing more than a nice family video to play on her prom night 10 years from now, but they received a huge surprise* when Bethany’s husband popped out of the water to tell them he’s home from Afghanistan.

Dad was three weeks early for his expected return after more than six months of service, which made the video all the sweeter. Of course, YouTube commenters had to do their YouTube comment thing, like “adrianlindsaylohan” who wrote: “This was sooo nice!!! Though I could do without the cheesy “Mrs. Bronson, your husband’s here reporting for duty.”

You know what I could do without? YouTube commenters who like Lindsay Lohan. Go fall in a ditch and let the rest of us enjoy a special moment.

*You can call this video fake all you want, but my fingers are in my ears and I’m shouting, “I CAN’T HEAR YOU LA LA LA LA LA LA!”

A local news outlet has identified the boomin’ granny who drummed in a music store and took the Internet by storm. She’s 63, started drumming at age 15, and played in various bands for the next 25 years.

She sold her last drum set 20 years ago, but still likes to stop by music stores and jam a little. “I still kind of like to go to the music store and play a drum set, and then that’s it,” she told WKBT. “My music urge has been satisfied.”

However, she’s no one’s grandmother: she doesn’t have any children and says it’s weird that people are calling her a “grandma.”

Mystery ‘grandma drummer’ Mary Hvizda has long history in drumming [WKBT] (Thanks, Frank!)

What’s that growing pit in your stomach when your friend announces she’s engaged, even though you knew this was the plan (hell you helped pick the ring!)? You even like the guy! What’s that internal gnawing feeling when your coworker gets a promotion? Even though they completely deserve it, and it doesn’t affect you one bit.

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At least one religious group in the UK is throwing a mini-tantrum over the country’s Same-Sex Marriage Act, which (hooray!) received Royal Assent this week. Fearing that future legal challenges will force them to perform same-sex marriages, Sikh temples in England have been advised by a special advisory board called — and you’ll never see this coming — Sikhs In England to halt all civil marriage ceremonies, effectively rendering Sikh marriages non-binding in the eyes of the law.

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The San Diego County clerk has asked the state Supreme Court to block California from issuing licenses to gay and lesbian couples across the state, arguing that the District Court's ruling on Proposition 8 only applies to the two couples specifically named in the case, as well as officials in Alameda and Los Angeles Counties, where the couples attempted to marry.

County Clerk Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., who is in charge of issuing marriage licenses for the county, asked for an injunction against same-sex marriage licenses until the court considers who whether or not the District Court's ruling applies to gay and lesbian couples across the board.

The Associated Press reports:

Mr. Dronenburg is arguing that the United States Supreme Court decision applies only to the two couples named in the original federal lawsuit and to the clerks in Alameda and Los Angeles Counties, where the couples applied for marriage licenses.

Mr. Dronenburg also argues that county clerks are not bound by orders from the governor, the state attorney general or other state officials to marry gay couples.

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Yes, this is exactly what it looks like when I eat in bed...[Photograph: Shutterstock.com]

I'll never forget the look in my boyfriend's eyes the first time he caught me. Shock, confusion, disgust, sorrow...even some pity.

I, on the other hand, looked around anxiously, trying to spot the horrifying thing that must have been happening behind me. "Is there a bug?" I cried. "Get it off me!"

The thing is, it had never even occurred to me to be ashamed of eating in bed. And why would it? Bed eating is my great love, my deepest comfort. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, makes me happier than curling up with some comfort food for a few episodes of crappy laptop TV. (Obviously the laptop's in there already. Where else would I keep it?) And hey—why stop at eating in bed when you can cook in bed, too?

[Seinfeld Screenshot]

Yeah, that's right. Sometimes, I make salad in bed. And yes, I can hear all your gasps and groans, the rapid contraction of your wrinkled, scrunched-up noses. Your visions of the pest-ridden squalor in which I must surely reside. There are few more contentious love-it-or-hate-it topics than bed eating. I should know—not only have I been oppressively banned from eating in my boyfriend's bed, but five years of trying to convince him to adapt has proved utterly fruitless (despite the fact that he is, in all other respects, completely whipped*).

*Case in point, he has approved this message.

So here's the thing. Before my all-time favorite place to eat gets relegated to the realm of dirty habit or guilty pleasure by all the self-righteous, highly vocal, naysaying Jamie Feldmars "normals" out there, I have to know—is there a movement of bed eaters out there, lying together in the dark, munching potato chips under the covers, collectively reveling in a state of gloriously sated solidarity?

Bed eaters of the world, unite!

Or just, you know, answer the question. Do you eat in bed, or what?

A Parting Gift

At least I'm not this guy! [Video: Seinfeld clip via Youtube.com]

About the author: Niki Achitoff-Gray is the associate editor of Serious Eats and a part-time student at the Institute of Culinary Education. She's pretty big into pizza. Also, she likes offal. A lot.

In zoos around the world, animals are keeping cool with specially-made popsicles, depending on their species. Whatever food is part of their diet is turned into a frozen treat: goats like fruit pops, lions and tigers eat "blood-sicles," polar bears eat "fish-sicles," and there are even "mice-sicles" for animals that like mice.

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Cry-Baby #1: Clown Town Children's Center

(story via/image via)

The incident: Some people sang "Happy Birthday."

The appropriate reprsponse: Singing along/Moving your lips as though you're singing along if you're shy. 

The actual response: A woman called the police. 

Last week, a guy named Colm Doherty attempted to book a birthday party at an indoor play center called Clown Town in London. 

He was told that there weren't any birthday packages available on the date he wanted, but he decided to take his daughter Cara, as well as 26 other people, to Clown Town anyway and pay the more expensive, non-birthday-package entry rate. 

Once inside, they realized that two of the center's "party booths" were not in use, and asked a female staff member if they could use one. They were told it was fine.

Later, the female staff member came back and told the group that she was "in fairly big trouble" for allowing them to use the party booth, and told them that, as they hadn't booked a birthday package, they would not be allowed to "produce a cake or sing 'Happy Birthday.'"

Colm ignored her and brought out his daughter's birthday cake anyway. As he did so, people sang "Happy Birthday."

Then, Colm says, "you could sense a bit of nervous tension among the staff, and one particular lady came storming down and told us that we could not sing and to put the cake away."

Colm stood in front of her, to stop her from interrupting the song and upsetting the children. At which point she called the police. 

Police officers came to Clown Town, but decided not to take any action against Colm. 

Cry-Baby #2: Erin Mulcahy and Shawn Duncan

(story via Reddit/images via Salisbury Police)

The incident: A lifeguard blew his whistle. 

The appropriate response: Nothing. Unless you're breaking beach rules, in which case he's probably blowing the whistle because of you and you should stop doing whatever it is that you're doing. 

The actual response: Two people beat the lifeguard up. 

Last weekend, Erin Mulcahy (pictured above, simultaneously laughing and crying) was at Salisbury Beach in Massachusetts with her boyfriend Shawn Duncan (also pictured above, with the exact facial hair/expression, hair/sunglasses combo you would expect the kind of guy who beats up lifeguards to have).

While they were relaxing on the sand, a lifeguard saw some swimmers who were too far out in the water and blew his whistle. Shawn asked the lifeguard to stop doing this, as it was aggravating his hangover. 

The lifeguard, obviously, told him that he was just doing his job. 

Police say this is when Erin dumped a bucket of water on the lifeguard's head, before Shawn punched him in the face, and knocked him to the ground. 

I was nearly sideswiped by a BMW on my bike ride home from work today, which was not surprising, because BMWs are always nearly sideswiping me. I ride in the right half of the right lane, and virtually every car behind me slides over to the left lane, passing with 6 comfortable feet of berth. But every month or so, a driver doesn’t change lanes, rides up on my shoulder, and squeezes by with just a few inches to spare, prompting me to squeal in terror and rage.

When making a hotel reservation online, there’s a box where you can type in any special requests you have for your stay. Do you need down-free pillows? A cot, if the hotel doesn’t charge extra for them? You could ask there. One vacationing Redditor, though, took the opportunity to see whether anyone reads that box at all. 

Three red M&Ms on the counter. Not packages, just single M&Ms. One for me, one for my girlfriend, and one to split if we get hungry late at night. And a picture of bacon set on the bed. I love pictures of bacon.

Who doesn’t? By the time the couple checked in, the Redditor claims that he had forgotten about the special requests. No hotel would be so silly as to actually listen to his demands, right?

“I was quite confused when I walked in and saw three single red M&Ms,” he writes.

Amaazing. Now, that’s how you make your guests feel at home. Only better than home, because my home doesn’t have M&Ms or framed photos of bacon in it.

The bacon picture brought it all home, though. “My girlfriend started laughing at the picture on the bed. At that point it clicked and I started laughing hysterically at the beautifully framed picture of bacon.”

This hotel pays attention to your special requests. [Reddit]

Fed up with the self-taken pictures and “look at me” mentality of some social media users, artist Mike Mellia has responded with a fun series of guerilla art, and his own version of the dreaded “selfie.”

In his series, Self-Absorbed, Mellia uses pictures of himself to rebrand and repackage some well-known products — then places them in supermarkets, bodegas and people’s homes around New York to act his own “status update.”

“With our self-portraits shared through social media, everyone now creates their own ‘brand’,” he said. “This product placement project reimagines some of the most famous branding icons in American advertising.”

[link, via Fast Co. Create]

From Sweets

[Photograph: Carrie Vasios]

The French are old hands at incorporating the nutty, toasted flavor of beurre noisette (i.e. brown butter) into their pastries. It's a simple trick, but one that can totally change the nature of your dessert. By heating butter over low heat, you separate the butter into butterfat and milk solids. The milk solids begin to brown and gives the butter a toffee-like flavor.

I recently brought this technique to an all-American treat: the blondie. It made perfect sense as blondies already have a butterscotch-y, caramel-y flavor thanks to ample amounts of brown sugar and some vanilla. Adding browned butter simply takes that same flavor profile up a notch.

These are great cut into 1-inch squares and served as dessert at a cocktail party or with coffee after a low key dinner. A few bites gives you a ton of flavor, and for those who care, it's on trend with the whole "childhood treats given an adult spin" that's sweeping pastry departments these days. Of course if you want to eat a whole big blondie straight from the pan, you won't get any judgment from me.

About the author: Carrie Vasios is the editor of Serious Eats: Sweets. She likes to peruse her large collection of cookbooks while eating jam from the jar. You can follow her on Twitter @carrievasios

Look, I love the original. But this is a fucking drawers-dropper. That's right, you've been warned: Listening to Robin Thicke sing a slowed-down rose petals-and-candlelight date night version of the Icona Pop hit might get your spot hot and make your undies to fall off. I don't care. I love it.

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PBS has every reason to hate reality television. The latter is trampling all over the former as far as ratings and revenue are concerned, despite the utter lack of brainpower necessary to consume it. Following the success of its subway poster campaign, New York’s PBS affiliate, WNET, has created three fake trailers for ridiculous reality shows to reiterate that it is one of the last institutions providing meaningful, educational content. Each trailer cuts off just a second before it should, and a message appears on screen: “The fact that you thought this was a real show says a lot about the state of TV. Support quality programming.” There’s also information on how to donate and the official hashtag, #TVGONEWRONG. It’s a strong statement about the state of cable these days, but will it make a difference? Watch the trailers below.

via Uproxx

Following in the footsteps of  such other bands as Iron Maiden and Hanson [?!?], heavy metal novelty act GWAR is now in the beer business. GWAR-B-Q Beer is a collaboration of the members of GWAR and Cigar City Brewing, and is set to debut at this year’s GWAR-B-Q in Tampa, FL.

Although most people probably aren’t familiar with the GWAR-B-Q, the event does offer an appearance by Oderus Urungus himself, and you might even get stuffed into and eaten by the World Maggot.

[link, via Cool Material]

DAKAR, Senegal (AP) — A rights group says a prominent gay rights activist in Cameroon has been tortured and killed just weeks after issuing a public warning about the threat posed by "anti-gay thugs."

Human Rights Watch said Tuesday that friends discovered the body of Eric Ohena Lembembe at his home in the capital, Yaounde, on Monday evening after he was unreachable for two days.

One friend said Lembembe's neck and feet looked broken and that he had been burned with an iron.

Lembembe was executive director of CAMFAIDS, a human rights organization. In a July 1 statement, he condemned recent break-ins by "anti-gay thugs" at the offices of groups advocating for gay rights.

The precise motive for Lembembe's killing was unclear Tuesday. HRW urged officials to launch a thorough investigation.

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(bootykika)

Did you think that you were safe from lightning strikes while you’re indoors, paying for your groceries? Apparently not. A woman standing in line at a Louisiana supermarket was struck by lightning, a baffling event that a meteorologist called “one-in-a-million.” She ended up in the hospital, and business went on as usual in the store.

How does something like that even happen? According to a National Weather Service meteorologist that the local paper contacted, it’s possible for a lightning strike on the store building to pass through its electrical system and zap you. It’s rare, but does happen. Evidently.

The incident left a blackened floor tile on the spot where the customer had stood, but otherwise didn’t disrupt commerce. She survived the strike without serious injury.

Yes, it is possible for lightning to hurt or kill people indoors. It can get inside by striking a building directly, through electrical wiring or pipes that happen to be outdoors, or through the ground.

The National Weather Service has guidelines for avoiding lightning strikes while indoors, even in what you think is a safe shelter. Their recommendations:

• Stay off corded phones. You can use cellular or cordless phones.
• Don’t touch electrical equipment or cords.
• Avoid plumbing. Do not wash your hands, take a shower or wash dishes.
• Stay away from windows and doors, and stay off porches.
• Do not lie on concrete floors or lean against concrete walls.

Lightning strikes woman inside supermarket [Houma Courier] (via Fark)
Safe Shelters & Indoor Safety [National Weather Service]

Janie Bryant’s costume choices for the characters of Mad Men have sparked critical praise and conspiracy theories, and now they've led her to her own reality show. Tentatively titled Janie Bryant’s Hollywood, the design competition series will find contestants crafting garments based on the signature styles of celebrities like Audrey Hepburn, or pattered after those of a classic Hollywood film. Along the same lines as Project Runway and Fashion Star (whose producers are also behind this show), Bryant and other yet-to-be-named judges will choose the best of the bunch each week. There’s no air date or network yet, but that just mans there's plenty of time to familiarize oneself with Bryant’s work via Tom And Lorenzo's Mad Style blog posts.   

[via Telegraph]

Some sad news from the organizers of the big “Ex-Gay Pride” event that had been scheduled for July 31st: The organizer announced Friday that a dinner and reception at the Family Research Council has been cancelled due to unspecified “anti-ex-gay extremism.” Voice of the Voiceless, the “ex-gay” group behind the nonevent, will instead hold the dinner at “an undisclosed location” sometime in September, and will also “declare September as the First Annual Ex-Gay Awareness Month.” (July remains “Ex-Gay Pride Month,” we guess.) We completely believe Voice of the Voiceless co-chair Christopher Doyle when he claims that the event was cancelled due to “security threats” and not due to something more mundane, like no one buying tickets. And surely they wouldn’t cancel merely because they couldn’t actually deliver the big-name gay-haters they’d invited, like Michele Bachmann and Jim DeMint. Nahh, had to be the big mean gays and their big mean terrorisms!

In a press release, Doyle claimed that a campaign of “harassment and anti-ex-gay extremism” had forced the group to cancel both its dinner/reception on July 31, but also the same day’s plans for a “Lobbying Day on Capitol Hill.” That must have been some threat, to actually cancel whatever lobbying effort Doyle was planning. We hear the Capitol has some pretty good security, too. Who knows, maybe Doyle has a fatal glitter allergy? Or he heard that someone might bring tampons?

Wayne Besen of Truth Wins Out, a group that opposes the “ex gay” crowd, challenged Doyle to “come forward and release the names of LGBT activists and organizations that have allegedly jeopardized his organization’s security.” Otherwise, it’s probably safe to assume that the event is being downsized due to any number of possible organizational problems, not threats from the Big Bad Gays.

As we noted when we first covered the ex-gay pride event, Voice of the Voiceless had announced that it had “scheduled” several national figures including Bachmann, Demint, and Rep. Tim Huelskamp, but the only speakers listed as “confirmed” on its own invitation were marginal figures like Doyle himself and a couple of other minor “ex-gay” activists. We’re guessing that the “ex-gay movement’s” biggest problem lies not with invisible gay ninjas, but rather that most of that “movement” is toward the exits.

[Voice of the Voiceless / Truth Wins Out]

Can you imagine ever reading a story about how guys have it so good while they are young men, only to discover too late the price they'll likely pay for fucking around in college and holding off on relationships until they have had some experiences? No? Me either. So why do we keep seeing this story about women? Because literally up to this weekend it is still being written about as a "trend." Big difference though: The women may or may not come out of this OK.

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As a result of Chris Brown's recent hit-and-run charges (from an accident in May, in which Brown rear-ended another car and peaced out, allegedly without providing ID or insurance info), a judge has revoked his probation. Brown will face a parole violation hearing next month, and if that judge decides that he violated his parole, he could wind up back in prison.

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Remember when all those idiot racists were all so pissed about that Cherrios commercial because they're idiot racists? Well, here's some actual five year olds* who already know better than those idiot racists.

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If this new TV infomercial is to be believed, NeverWet is a “super hydrophobic coating” that will soon be sprayed on fucking everything. The water repellent is about to be distributed in the United States, so Americans can at last bring witchcraft into their own homes. The product demonstration is below, in which some scientists (warlocks) attempt to cover themselves and others with mustard, gravy, soda, etc. to no avail. They even turn a cardboard box into an ice chest. It's also totally possible to coat cell phones with the product—which could make dropping phones in the toilet a recreational activity instead of a disgusting disaster. 

via Adweek