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FOUND by Patrick Rudd; St. Louis, MO

This December didn't exactly sweep in on a cloud of good tidings and evergreen scent, now did it? But don't despair, for unto you a child is born—specifically, a baby pygmy goat named Benjamin who's being raised in a nursery and is the absolute goddamn cutest thing ever.

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No sneeze in a movie is ever insignificant. Savvy filmgoers quickly learn that any character who sneezes is almost certain to get sick shortly thereafter; in a certain kind of gloomy prestige period drama—one set during an era when people regularly died of consumption, for example—the prognosis is especially bleak. So when Todd Haynes’ Safe introduces its heroine, Carol White (Julianne Moore), by having her sneeze before she’s spoken even a single word of dialogue, it really doesn’t look good, even though the film, initially released in 1995, is set in 1987. Sure enough, Safe is a portrait of a serious illness… though not the illness that it purports to examine. Voted the best film of the 1990s in a poll of major critics conducted by the Village Voice at the end of that decade, Haynes’ magnum opus uses the conventions of the “disease of the ...

It's time, once again, to marvel at some idiots who don't know how to handle the world:

Cry-Baby #1: Two unnamed men in Canada

[body_image width='888' height='518' path='images/content-images/2014/12/11/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/12/11/' filename='cry-baby-of-the-week-snake-throwing-tim-hortons-112-body-image-1418341578.jpg' id='10974']

Photos via Google Maps and Saskatoon Police

The incident: Some men wanted diced onions on their sandwiches in a restaurant that doesn't have diced onions.

The appropriate response: Going to a restaurant that has diced onions or ordering some other form of onion and dicing it yourself with your teeth while it's in your mouth.

The actual response: ​One of the men threw a live snake at the guy behind the counter.

On Tuesday, two unnamed 20-year-old men were buying sandwiches at a Tim Hortons restaurant in Saskatoon, Canada.  According to a  ​report on CBC News, the men attempted to order diced onions on their sandwiches. This created a problem for the man serving them, as Tim Hortons does not do diced onions.

According to  ​Saskatoon Police, this led to an argument between the two men and the person serving them.

Obviously yelling at someone over the availability of diced onions in a fast food restaurant is already a bit much, but these two men are said to have taken it one step further. One of them is reported to have taken a snake from the other's pocket, and thrown it across the counter at the server.

"Obviously [the workers] were very frightened," a police spokesperson told CBC. "There was quite a lot of screaming going on."

Police arrived and took the men and the snake (which turned out to be nonvenomous) into custody. The men face charges of mischief and causing a disturbance.

The snake has been placed in a temporary home until it can be released into the wild in the spring. Police did not specify why the fuck someone was walking around with a live snake in their pocket.
 

Cry-Baby #2: Dimitri Diatchenko[body_image width='867' height='534' path='images/content-images/2014/12/12/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/12/12/' filename='cry-baby-of-the-week-snake-throwing-tim-hortons-112-body-image-1418346367.jpg' id='10993']

Photos via Google Maps and Facebook.

The incident: A woman asked her ex-boyfriend to move out of the apartment they shared. 

The appropriate response: Moving out.

The actual response: The man allegedly killed and ate her pet rabbit.

Dimitri Diatchenko is a 46-year-old actor who lives in Los Angeles. According to his IMDB profile, he has played roles like "Head Russian" on Sons of Anarchy and "Thug #1/Carl" on Diagnosis Murder.

This past weekend, his ex-girlfriend, whom he shared an apartment with, told him that she didn't want to live with him anymore, ​CBS reports.

According to police, Dimitri responded to this by taking his ex-girlfriend's rabbit, Ella, killing it, skinning it, and eating half of it. He reportedly took photos of each step, which he sent to his ex. When she returned to the apartment, Dimitri ​allegedly told her that he would do the same thing to her.

A reporter from CBS ​spoke to Dimitri by phone, and he claimed that he had purchased rabbit meat at the store and set his ex's bunny free in order to trick her into thinking he had killed her pet. Which, if true, would still make him a pretty gigantic dick. 

Dimitri faces charges of cruelty to an animal with use of a knife and making a criminal threat.

Which of these guys is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this poll down here, please:

Previously: ​A cop allegedly shot a woman because she honked at him, and a man contacted his local newspaper because he saw a mouse outside.

Winner: The cop!!!

Follow Jamie "Lee Curtis" Taete on ​Twitter.

The reciprocating saw (better known as a recip saw or Sawzall) is a common sight on most construction and remodel jobsites, but it also has a place in a homeowner's arsenal of power tools.

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From Quora, an answer to the question "If we pour water on the sun with a bucket as big as the sun, will the sun be extinguished?"

The probable answer is "no." The Sun involves a special type of fire that is able to "burn" water, and so it will just get hotter, and six times brighter.

Water is 89% oxygen BY MASS. And the Sun's overall density is 1.4 times that of water. So if you have a volume of water the VOLUME of the Sun, it will have 1/1.4 = 0.71 times the mass of the Sun, and this mass will be .71*.89 = 63% of a solar mass of oxygen and 8% of a solar mass of hydrogen. The Sun itself is 0.74 solar masses of hydrogen and 0.24 solar masses of helium.

So you end up with a 1.7 solar mass star with composition 48% hydrogen, 37% oxygen, and 14% helium (with 1% heavier elements).

Now, will such a star burn? Yes, but not with the type of proton-proton fusion the Sun uses. A star 1.7 times the mass of the Sun will heat up and burn almost entirely by the CNO fusion cycle, after making some carbon and nitrogen to go along with all the oxygen you've started with. So with CNO fusion and that mass you get a type F0 star with about 1.3 times the radius and 6 times the luminosity of the present Sun, and a temperature somewhat hotter than the Sun (7200 K vs. the Sun's 5800 K). It will be bluish-white, with more UV. That, along with that 6 times heat input, will cause the Earth's biosphere to be fried, and oceans to probably boil.

Well, we probably shouldn't do that then. (via gizmodo)

Tags: science   Sun

With so many innovative products on the market, it’s easy to feel like you’re already living in the future. If you’re really looking for the next big thing, here are 11 ahead-of-the-curve products that will make you look like a time traveler. Everyone else will be asking for them in 2019, but you can get a head start by picking them up today.

1. Mighty Purse; $99.99

Instead of charging your phone behind the bar, take this bag with you on your next night out. It charges your electronic devices while keeping them safe with your other belongings. The best thing about this purse is that, despite all of the technology it packs, it’s not ugly or bulky. It’s sleek and understated enough to be used for any occasion. 

Find it: Amazon 

2.  Kwikset 925 Kevo Single Cylinder Bluetooth Enabled Deadbolt; $219 

Bluetooth has been crossing over into every aspect of our lives, making almost everything completely wireless. Now it’s possible to unlock your front door without even taking out your key. As long as you have your smartphone in your pocket, a simple touch can unlock the door. You can also send an electronic key to visiting friends and family, saving you trips to the locksmith. 

Find it: Amazon 

3. Molecular Gastronomy Kit; $49 - $65

You may think that molecular gastronomy’s high-tech delicacies are only available in some of the world’s fanciest restaurants, but this handy kit will help you combine science and food to create meals of the future—you can turn liquids into cubes and chocolate into powder. With the ingredients and equipment included, you can transform your food into a (delicious) chemistry experiment.

Find it: Uncommon Goods

4. Parrot Zik Wireless Noise Cancelling Headphones; $369.99 

Zik Headphones use touch technology to allow the user to easily control their music. Moving your finger up or down on the side of the headphone controls the volume, and moving left or right switches the song. A head sensor recognizes when you are wearing the headphones and pauses accordingly. The product uses Bluetooth, so you can say goodbye to tangled wires.

Find it: Amazon

5. Bird Photo Booth; $112.49 

In the future, no one has privacy— not even the birds. The Bird Photo Booth is a bird feeder that lets you remotely snap pictures of animals enjoying their lunches. Using Bluetooth or Wi-Fi, you can link to your smartphone or GoPro in the feeder. The device also allows video chat if you want to scare a way a particularly pushy bird or squirrel.

Find it: ThinkGeek

6. Vaportini Complete Kit; $45 

Why drink when you can simply inhale? Vaportini turns your favorite cocktail into a vapor. Simply add your spirits and the equipment vaporizes it with heat from a candle in about five minutes. Liquid cocktails are so 20th century.  

Find it: Vaportini 

7. iRobot Looj; $299.99

Hate cleaning out the gutters? This little robot will do it for you. It brushes away dirt, leaves, and other debris with spinning brushes and paddles. The robot moves by itself and travels through your gutters at record speed. The cleanup is easy—just spray it with a hose when its work is finished.  

Find it: iRobot

8. Panono; $549 

Throw this cool little ball into the air and it will take a 360-degree photograph when it reaches its highest point. You can also take photos manually by pressing the buttons or using the Panono app. The product is not available just yet, but you can pre-order it and be the first of your friends to take these amazing pictures.

Find it: Panono 

9. Withings Smart Baby Monitor; $216.99 

When audio monitors are not enough, Withings lets parents see their children right on their smartphone or tablet. This product provides high-resolution video and automatic night vision and can also play lullabies or even turn on a nightlight. If the baby starts to stir, parents can talk to their baby through it as well.

Find it: Amazon

10.  Luci; $14.99

Luci is an inflatable, solar-powered light that is cost-efficient and environmentally friendly. It’s easy to use, waterproof, and lightweight—perfect for camping, power outages, or outdoor parties. 

Find it: The Grommet

11. Neptune; $103.95

Lots of people wear headphones when they go to the gym, but what about to the pool? Neptune is a waterproof MP3 player that uses bone conduction audio transmission instead of traditional headphones so you can rock out while swimming laps.

Find it: Amazon 

If you still can’t wait for the future to get here, you’ll be happy to know that Intel® RealSense™ technologies like snapshot and gesture recognition will be ushering the future in a little sooner than you probably anticipated. Learn more here: intel.com

Everything's bigger in Texas, including one Odessa man's generosity: He's looking to upgrade a homeless street waif if she agrees to play PS4 and take bubble baths with him. Also, she has to swallow. Swallowing, Eliza Doolitle 2k14, is non-negotioable.

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Elle's first issue of the year 2015 came into our IRL inbox via Pony Express recently and there are some confusing things going on. Not Nicole Kidman, who is gorgeous if facially immutable, and a perfectly timed cover choice, as she is set to star in Jason Bateman's The Family Fang, as well as Paddington.

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When trying to come up with gift ideas for your parents this year, look to the past for inspiration. They say history repeats itself, and you can see it in action with these infographics: My dad could use a new pair of Sperries, and my mother still wears Chanel No. 5 perfume. It makes you wonder if mom's velour sweatsuit is due for a comeback (please no). 

Via Berries.com

This morning, The New York Times revealed a trade secret that many of us in the business world already know: Tiaras are the best accessories for a day at the office. This may be shocking to some, but those of us who've gotten ahead in the past year know that ornate headwear is a major reason why it happened. And, since the cat's out of the bag, we might as well let you in on how to choose the best one for your own power play.

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If you and your friends got married in the 2000s, and trends stay where they appear to be headed, two-thirds of you lovebirds will stay married. Forever, like you intended, even though that statistic about 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce was likely stuck in the back of your mind. It turns out that, though we won't give up the ghost of the marriage that is half empty, divorce rates are on a three-decade decline.

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This video is brilliant and I want more details. I’m going to need back story, names, and what the bet was. Oh and I need to know how long it took this guy to memorize the choreography.

Just a solid job all around by this particular fantasy league. We can all strive to be as great.

Source: The High Definite

On Monday, former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, his teeth, and his wife Cherie released a Christmas card that would make all of the characters from Love Actually cry. Looking at it for too long is hypnotic in a kind of terrifying way. And it didn't take the internet long to jump on the Tony Blair Christmas Card Joke Train.

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Chicago is more than a meat and potatoes town; it's a meat-and-potatoes-between-two-pieces-of-bread town. [ more › ]

The way Killer Mike and El-P play off each other is one of the seven wonders of today's hip-hop world, and the duo is as sharp, funny, heavy and electric as ever in their new trippy video for RTJ2 standout single "Oh My Darling (Don't Cry)." It's as NSFW as the lyrics—those naked, neon-lit female dancers look great—but highlights include the pause for airplane arms at 2:20, the turn-up coda, and every second that Killer Mike (also a killer op-ed writer) is on screen.

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You had one job! One job! All you had to do was fetch and these videos would have been priceless. But no, I guess eating Milk Bones and sniffing butts has made you lazy and complacent. Now you won't even fetch! Now all you will do is fail! (But we love you anyway.)

Read more...

Christianity is a religion frayed over the centuries into many denominations. On Sunday, Pope Francis and the head of a major one vowed to heal one of the church's oldest splits.

You remember Sam Gordon, right? Two years ago she was the biggest thing on the internet with a Pee Wee highlight film that was damn near incredible. Gordon became so popular she got the attention of Wheaties and later, attended the Super Bowl with Roger Goodell.

Yada, yada, yada, two years later she’s back and she’s better than ever. No, seriously. She’s like a mini Barry Sanders out there rumbling, bumbling and her way past would-be tacklers.

[body_image width='922' height='615' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='joel-golby-things-youre-too-old-at-25-609-body-image-1416937152.jpg' id='6715']Happy birthday. The candles represent your dreams. Photo via Flickr user Ana C.

I don't know how old you are. I don't care, is the thing, because once you hit 25 you absolutely stop caring about the age, names, and personal details of people around you—they're all just sort of sacks of meat bouncing through a beige landscape and occasionally having sex or buying things. In August, I hit that milestone. Even though I still have a childlike face and body that will allow me to order off the kid's menu forever, I started to feel a change inside. Someone said "on fleek" to me and I didn't even bother to find out what it meant. I went to McDonald's at the end of a night out and thought, Actually, no, and then went home and instead had a single carrot. I started a savings account. Young me—rebellious me, with no responsibility outside of a job transcribing phone calls—young me is absolutely gutted at this development. Old me—that is to say, the new me—could not give less of a shit.

Sometimes, when twilight is descending, I go find a bench by the sea and watch the young people peacock up and down the promenade. It's then that I think back fondly to the things that 20-year-old me used to do—sorting Skittles by color, then dropping them into six bottles of vodka, and later dropping a perfect rainbow of vomit into and around the toilet at my mom's house; really enjoying Christopher Nolan's Batman movies and telling people how much I enjoyed them; reading a book and thinking it was important. And then I think: What an awful, awful garbage person I was. No one wants to hear my thoughts on Slaughterhouse Five, and they never did in the first place. Fuck!

In-depth analysis from our SEO guy tells me most VICE readers are either 25 or approaching 25 and, as such, are in dire need of guidance. Consider me your wise old sage. Because I've been there: Hitting 25 is the first true reminder that life is finite and you are dying by the second (fun!!!). And because of this, it's a good age to open your eyes, clear your head, and stop doing things you are too fucking old for anymore. Here they are:
​

[body_image width='969' height='672' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='joel-golby-things-youre-too-old-at-25-609-body-image-1416937243.jpg' id='6716']Some young people enjoy a Jägerbomb. Photo via Kris Fricke

1) Doing Drugs to Impress People
Any time I've ever done cocaine, I just want to call my parents. Once, while smoking weed, I watched as one of my friends very slowly pissed herself. Is that what drugs are supposed to do? Either way, it's not for me. Not anymore.

If your thing is getting fingered in a cab by a dude with coke on his hands, then please, by all means, go and do that right now. I'll even hail one for you. But when you hit 25 I think you know whether you actually like doing drugs—with all the requisite waiting around for a drug dealer and the furtive toilet visits and all the times you are expected to rip your shirt open to the naval like that famous soccer lady and shout "I LOVE DOING DRUGS"—or whether you are just doing them because the cool kids do them. We were shown boring videos about peer pressure in high school, and for fuck's sake, they ended up being right. There's no point doing drugs after 25 unless you're in it to win it, so unless you're a full-blown addict, it might do you good to stop now. (It might also be a good idea if you are a full-blown addict.)

2) Being ID'd
​It's really fun being ID'd when you are young and actually have ID, because there is something glorious about the face people pull when they are counting backward and trying to figure out your age from your year of birth. But then when you are ID'd twice in the same night by the same fucking bartender and you are 25 years old, it becomes more tedious. Also, I'm way too good at ordering from a bar to actually be the age I look, which is 14. Also also, if I were 14 and trying to get ~drunk~ I wouldn't be asking you about the of Fernet, or ordering a $20 Old Fashioned. Especially not by myself. :(

3) Eating Bread with Wild Abandon
​The days of me eating an entire baguette with some brie and then fitting into my jeans the next day are over.

4) Trying to Understand Young People with Their Young-People Music
​I will give $100 to the first person who can sit me down and convincingly explain how Nick Jonas is considered talented and likable or how can decipher anything Ariana Grande is saying ever.

5) Drinking Four Loko or a Jägergrenade
​A Jägergrenade is a special kind of Jägerbomb that somehow incorporates a shot of tequila into the mix. A sidewalk slammer is when you drink a bottle of OE down to the label, fill the rest with Four Loko, and wake up on a stranger's lawn covered in mysterious contusions without your wallet or phone. When you're 25 and not a crust punk, you can get away that kind of shit maybe, maybe, once a year—at most. Ration wisely.

6) Panicking at an ATM
​When you are poor, the cash machine is kind of like the Wizard of Oz, as in you treat it like there's a tiny person inside who decides to either gift you with money or make you look like a fucking idiot. The worst one is when you put your details in and ask him for $10 and the little dude whirrs and clicks and your stomach rises and your heart beats in your throat and then he goes, "Sorry, this machine can only dispense twenty-dollar bills." And then you have to walk away in shame because you only have 15 bucks in your account. When you get to 25 you are so over this guessing game that it's not even funny. Fuck ATMs, and fuck banks. Fuck that tiny cash-machine troll who loves to deny you the ability to go see a movie or eat a decent meal. But also—crucially—fuck having to pay for a pack of Ramen noodles with a mug full of dimes. Basically, by the time you're 25, you should just take a few minutes to figure out how to manage your dough.
​

[body_image width='1040' height='696' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='joel-golby-things-youre-too-old-at-25-609-body-image-1416937328.jpg' id='6718']Yeah, it's out of order. Forever. As in, you have no money. Photo via Flickr user ​Johnny Wilson)

7) Experimenting with a Haircut
​If you've got to 25 and you haven't got every fringe or dye job or shaved patch hair mistake out of your system yet, then you've been doing hair wrong for a solid quarter century. Stop trying to stay current. Anything that requires more than two products or curling implements is an needless complication at your age. When you go to the hairdresser's, ask for a short back and sides for boys or "a bit off the ends, but not too much off the ends," for girls. That's it. That's your haircut forever now. Enjoy it.

8) Talking to Anyone Under the Age of 22
​I know there's that thing about the youngest people you can viably have sex with being half your age plus seven, but I don't know what I would say to a 19.5-year-old girl beyond, like, "Hey, has anyone ever tried to explain floppy disks to you?" Most of my conversations are basically just loudly referencing shit that happened when I was around that age, which means the girl in question would have practically been a zygote. Consider this my resignation from talking to anyone born after 1994.

9) Engaging in Small Talk
​Sometimes I get introduced to people and I say, "Oh, nice to meet you," and they say, "Uhhh, we've met before." That's when you decide to never speak to that person again, if you can help it. Think about it: If they were that good at small talk, you would have remembered them. You only drink sidewalk slammers once a year these days, after all, so that shit isn't on you. At this point, the unmemorable person will start yammering on about some boring-as-fuck PR job. Slowly back away while suggesting that they become interesting in the future.
​

[body_image width='960' height='720' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='joel-golby-things-youre-too-old-at-25-609-body-image-1416937391.jpg' id='6719']Earth humans enjoying their small talk. Photo via Flickr user ​Taulu

10) Taking Convoluted Subway Rides
​I never actually watched Sex and the City, but I'm pretty sure that lady took cabs, like, all the time. And how?! Her job was to literally write once a week about the people's whose dicks had been inside her. I have a real job (sorta), and I write several articles per day. Suck on that, Bradshaw. But anyway, if Hopstop is telling me I have to travel to basically Midwood in order to catch a train that'll ultimately take me less than a mile west of my starting point, I'm just getting in a car. If fictional sex lady can afford it, so can I.

11) Shopping at the Mall
​ I don't think my body is physically strong enough, in my increasing old age, to permeate the cologne barrier surrounding a store like Hollister anyway. Everything in Forever 21 is basically made of tissue paper meant to disintegrate immediately after purchase. Their blouses are like the ghosts in Field of Dreamsunable to physically exist after crossing a certain physical boundary, which, in this case, means the entrance to the mall. Stop buying shitty clothes.

12) Having Terrible Friends
​If we go for a drink and I have to basically interview you to make conversation, I'm not having fun. When you invite me to a Facebook event that doesn't even occur for six more weeks, I think you're an idiot. If you say, "We should hang out more" but don't suggest a time or a place for us to hang out, you're not even trying. (We also probably hate each other.) I have difficulty enough managing the three friends I already have, and I don't have time to add more anyway.
​

[body_image width='1024' height='768' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='joel-golby-things-youre-too-old-at-25-609-body-image-1416937447.jpg' id='6720']Go home, dude. Photo via Flickr user ​DEM

13) Bad One-Night Stands

Pretending to care about people's jobs in PR is the absolute definition of hell. Pretending to care long enough to seduce them, accompany them on a 15-minute cab ride, navigate their tiny, dark apartment, knock a lamp over, and awkwardly fuck them? That's a Herculean task. And oh, by the way, for all that effort there's a 99.9 percent chance it's going to be terrible. If you find someone who doesn't work in PR and you don't hate fucking, hang on for dear life and never let go. (But don't get married or anything. Ew.)

14) Spring Break
If you're 25 or older and this idea seems appealing, I can't help you.

15) The Bitter, Bitter End of a Night Out
​Next time it hits 3 AM and you run out of ideas and someone asks, "Where next?" experiment with saying, "Let's go to our separate homes and sleep." Nothing good has ever come out of trekking through the snow to the only bar anyone can think of that might possibly be open. What do you expect's gonna happen when you get inside—that your shitty, drug-thirsty friends are suddenly going to get more pleasant rather than desperate and sad? Stop deluding yourself.

16) Hangovers
When you get to be 25 and realize the solution is literally just "drink a glass of water" and maybe "eat a banana," you feel really, really dumb.

17) Waiting in Line
​Call your parents right now and thank them for taking you to Disney World as a kid. Once you're aware of your own mortality, waiting in line to ride some spinning tea cups is basically impossible. Your mom loves the shit out of you.

18) Kissing Bartenders' Asses
​I am sick of acting like the person handing me a drink is doing me some huge favor. I'm not your friend: This is a business transaction, and I'm not some 21-year-old who's not gonna tip you. Also, your job is to pour liquid into dirty cups, occasionally pick those cups up when I am done with them, and sometimes drop the cups in a stack on the floor. You're not Jesus, all right? You're a dude who wears a bottle opener attachment on his belt. PLEASE TAKE MY MONEY.

19) Not Having the Heating On
​Wearing every sweater you own at once is not the adult option.

[body_image width='819' height='569' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='joel-golby-things-youre-too-old-at-25-609-body-image-1416937504.jpg' id='6721'] Photo via Flickr ​Nathan Rupert

20) Festivals
​I went to Bonnaroo once when I was 20 and didn't have fun. That said, there's no way I would have fun now. The best thing that happened to me was taking acid when Phish started playing, falling asleep, and waking up to the same song being played 12 hours later. That band sucks, but like, I didn't know time had passed and thought I was lost in a guitar solo! After that? The second-best thing was using the portable toilets on the first day, before the area surrounding them became an impenetrable moat of human shit. That was literally the second-best thing that happened during the entire festival.

21) Utilizing Presents from Cheap Relatives
​Everyone has the one family member who, every year, gifts a box set of sickly-sweet smelling items—usually a lotion, a "bath gel" (IDK what that really is), and some sort of body wash. In your early 20s, the trick was to save them up and, once you ran out of normal products, coast off the gifts for a good month stretch. Your grandma/aunt/whoever was cheap for giving you such a shitty present, but you're even cheaper if you're willing to be covered in glitter and smell like a goddamn pineapple for a month to save $4. 

22) Reading Blogs
​Except this one? 

23) Pregnancy Scares
If I have to listen to another friend cry about how she might be pregnant, I'm going to kill myself. I don't know, maybe you should stop being mad at your dad and therefore fucking random ecstasy dealers you meet at bars, so we don't have to go through this for yet another month in a row? Condoms are free absolutely everywhere in this city, so I don't get what's happening with this. Get your shit together, though—we're 25.

24) Any Text Message Longer Than 200 Characters
​tl;dr

25) Fingering
This obviously doesn't count for lesbians, but for straight people it's like come on. You guys can do p-in-v stuff! Fingering your girlfriend when you have a dick is basically really rude. It's the equivalent of loudly complaining about how boooring it is to play basketball when you're standing right next to a kid in a wheelchair. I hate you.

   I think she’s officially BACK. Whether or not this qualifies as “better than ever” probably depends on your personal definition of “better.” Read More ...

For years, universities in the Czech Republic have held beauty pageants for their female students. The women who compete tend to look like beauty contestants anywhere: slim, young, able-bodied, large of hair, heavily made up, clad alternatively in evening gowns and bathing suits. The events have grown controversial in recent years for, um, obvious reasons, but this year, Prague's University of Economics might have finally taken it too far: the school teamed up with a local tabloid to host a twerking contest during the pageant, where uncomfortable-looking women twerked in booty shorts and bikini tops for the chance to win internships at unnamed large companies. All together now: Yeeesh.

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buy this print!

These broadside images come to you courtesy of the hard working history folks at the University of California's English Broadside Ballad Archives!

In order:

A Godly Warning for All Maidens
Anne Wallen's Lamentation
The Husbandman's Delight
A New Merry Ballad
An Excellent Song
A True Sense of Sorrow



And of course, the merchandise plug! We have new whiteboards, hot off the press@

The store has updated with lots of exciting new things! Including Wee The People drawings.

Clicking on the image will take you to the store. Hooray!!

Federal judges have struck down same-sex marriage bans in Mississippi and Arkansas, opening the way to gay nuptials in the Deep South.

The most unholy union of damned souls may be upon us. Hide your wives, hide your kids. Hide everything.

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Persimmons can be perplexing. There are several types and a misstep in guessing ripeness can put a pucker in your pout. Instead of playing it safe and using persimmons as decor on your Thanksgiving table, try these two preparations: a spicy muffin and dried slices.

Our two young ‘Fuyu’ persimmon trees produced eight gallons of fruit this November. Our wild persimmon trees (Diospyros virginiana) produce loads of astringent plum-sized fruits, which we left on the tree to sweeten during the first frosts of fall. When faced with gallons of good fruit, what else to do but dig into the files of Cooking Light recipes? This Spiced Persimmon and Pecan Muffin has a whole wheat heartiness with just-right spice. Make 18 large muffins perfect for serving guests as breakfast during the holidays.

And for the rest of my persimmon stash? As any good gardener knows, we need tricks to process or put up large harvests quickly. A quality dehydrator makes fast work of a bountiful harvest, saving the slices to savor later. I chose to dry both slices and small pieces of the fruits. Slices can always be rehydrated and chopped for recipes if not enjoyed in larger form. Diced pieces are perfect for granola and trail mix. My bits of persimmon jewels will join my go-to granola recipe, featured in this Granola with Honey-Scented Yogurt and Baked Figs. And since its that season, a hard-working dehydrator is a nifty gift for gardeners and cooks. Models like this smart Excalibur 5-tray with timer ($349, excaliburdehydrator.com) allow a busy gardener to slice, dial, and walk away to tackle other tasks — such as planting a persimmon tree in your yard. Fall is the perfect time to plant before the ground freezes!

What do you get when you combine a packed NFL football stadium with a bald eagle wearing a GoPro during The Star-Spangled Banner?

Give up?

You get this video.

Sorry were you expecting some kind of humorous punchline? There is no humor here. Just 47 seconds of American badassery.

[SB Nation]