IKEA Monkey

Americans are sharply divided along racial lines as to whether Ferguson police Officer Darren Wilson should be charged with murder in the shooting death of Michael Brown, a new CNN/ORC poll out Monday finds.

Full Disclosure: I’ve got another giant-ass post to write about Bill Cosby, so I’m literally just throwing AMAs pics in your face starting with the least relevant and working my way up. Which is probably the greatest compliment I’ll ever give the Kardashians because I posted Kylie, Kendall and Khloe after Bleona Qereti and immediately regret it. More importantly, Kylie flashed her nipple during E!’s red carpet coverage because Kris Jenner‘s Internet game is strong, but I’m going to stick to just linking it because I can already see Chris Hansen hiding inside my coffee mug even though Miley Cyrus‘ vagina taught us in 2010 that that shit’s entirely legal. What now, Hansen? – *takes sip of coffee, gets punched in the tongue* – Dammit! It was that. That’s what’s now.

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BETHLEHEM, PA— Acknowledging that she once considered conceiving a child to be the greatest threat to her future, local woman Rebecca Davis confirmed Wednesday that she has transitioned from being terrified of getting pregnant to being terrified she...

The Cortaca Jug is a yearly football game in the Finger Lakes region of New York that dates back to 1959 between DIII rivals the Cortland Red Dragons and Ithaca Bombers. The game has a loyal following amongst residents of the two towns as well as alumni from both schools. Fans have also been known to get a bit rowdy at times, such as 2013 when students from Cortland celebrated their team’s win with perfectly normal college shenanigans.

There was no off-field drama to report following this year’s game, but it did have one of the great finishes to a football game you’re likely to see this year.

Nothing like a busted play that ends up with a better result than you could have hoped. I bet Tony Romo would be jealous.

9 Most Popular Dog Breeds

Last February, Tribune Broadcasting in Chicago launched a sports talk station on their 87.7 FM dial called The Game. Unfortunately for fans of the station, it looks like management is pulling the plug after only 9 months.

You can’t blame Tribune Media for cutting their losses so soon since ratings for The Game were abysmal. According to Robert Feder, in the latest Nielsen survey the station tied for 38th place overall with a 0.5 percent audience share and cumulative weekly audience of 218,600. That was not going to cut it. But the real story is how the station broke the news to their on-air talent. Or rather, how they didn’t. Apparently their afternoon host Ben Finfer found out on twitter WHILE HE WAS STILL ON THE AIR.

“We’re doing a live show here. And to be told this way, it’s really a letdown. We’re getting screwed on this one. … We just found out on Twitter a half hour ago that the station is being taken off the air. We were not told about this ahead of time. We didn’t know anything about it. We were coming back from a break and saw on Twitter from Robert Feder that the station is being taken off the air. Can you believe that? A lot of really talented people were hired to work at this station and found out through Twitter that they were fired. Nothing from the bosses. I don’t really know what to do for the last hour of this show. I guess take calls.”

I’m gonna be honest, I’d love to hear those calls.

“Yeah hi, long time listener, first time caller. What should the Bears do about Trestman? I mean this guy, he’s gotta go. I’ll hang up and listen.”

“Thanks for the phone call. Who cares?!?! Next caller…”

[Sun Times]

 

​It's time, once again, to marvel at some idiots who don't know how to handle the world:

Cry-Baby #1: The San Diego District Attorney's Office

[body_image width='1189' height='720' path='images/content-images/2014/11/21/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/21/' filename='cry-baby-of-the-week-201-body-image-1416532775.jpg' id='5651']

Screencaps via ​YouTube

The incident: A guy made a rap album.

The appropriate response: Listening to it or not listening to it. Depending on your taste.

The actual response: He has been arrested and could face life in prison.

According to the San Diego District Attorney's Office, 33-year-old rapper Tiny Doo (real name Brandon Duncan) is part of the same gang as 14 men who are about to stand trial for a series of shootings.

According to the ​LA Times, there is no evidence showing that Brandon was involved in the shootings. Nor are prosecutors trying to prove he was.

He's instead being prosecuted under a California state law that has existed since 2000 but has not been used until now. The law allows for gang members to be arrested if they "benefit" from crimes committed by other gang members. 

Prosecutors argue that he has been able to sell more because the profile of Brandon's gang was raised by the attempted murders.

Brandon's attorney, Brian Watkins, called the charges "unconstitutional" and "a waste of the taxpayer's money." Speaking to ABC News, he said, "It's shocking. He has no criminal record, nothing in his lyrics says go out and commit a crime, nothing in his lyrics references these shootings, yet they are holding him liable for conspiracy."

Brandon is currently being held on $1 million bail. His trial begins December 4. If convicted, he reportedly could face 25 years to life in prison.

You can listen to his album ​here. Presumably, if he doesn't end up going to prison for the rest of his life, he's going to be pretty psyched about all the free publicity the DA just gave him.

Cry-Baby #2: The Broadway Hotel[body_image width='1200' height='772' path='images/content-images/2014/11/20/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/20/' filename='cry-baby-of-the-week-201-body-image-1416520073.png' id='5624']

The incident: Some people left a negative review of a hotel on TripAdvisor.

The appropriate response: Nothing.

The actual response: The hotel fined them £100 ($160).

Last month, married couple Tony and Jan Jenkinson spent a night at the Broadway Hotel in Blackpool, England.

The stay was, according to the couple, not a very nice one. Speaking to ​BBC News, Tony described how the room had no hot water, a broken kettle (a big deal if you're English), and a chest of drawers which collapsed when he tried to open them.

He says he told hotel staff about all of these issues.

After they left, the couple wrote a review of the hotel on TripAdvisor. In their review, they called the hotel a "filthy stinking hovel."

They're not alone in this sentiment. One reviewer on TripAdvisor reported seeing staff members ​drinking alcohol while serving breakfast. Other reviews ​called the hotel "filthy," "terrible," "awful," and "horrific."

A few days after posting the review, the couple noticed an additional £100 ($160) had been charged to their account by the hotel. Jan called to ask about the charge and was told it was the hotel's policy to fine guests who leave negative reviews online. 

According to a followup story ​on the BBC, in response to the backlash the hotel has agreed to refund the money to the couple and vows to "improve their facilities." Staying sober until at least noon might be a good idea too.

Which of this lot is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this poll down here:

Previously:​ ​A park who banned unaccompanied adults incase they're pedophiles vs. a guy who pull​ed a gun on his daughter because he thought she was cheating at a board game

​Winner: The board game dad!!!

Follow Jamie "Lee Curtis" Taete on ​Twitter.​

So you're wondering how to make your wedding day special, but you've ruled out a dance number designed to go viral, a pyrotechnic Disney princess cake and a reception brawl . Have you considered renting an animal, such as a llama?

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Programming in general is a valuable skill when it comes to searching for jobs, but employers will pay more for some of them. If you're wondering what you should learn to broaden your horizon, here's a list of the top 12 paying skills right now.

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Consumers facing difficulty in paying back their private student loans often have a difficult time receiving any relief from lenders. While some smaller banks have relaxed their repayment terms for good borrowers in the past, two of the nation’s largest private lenders are set to make the same opportunities available to private student loan borrowers.

The Washington Post reports that Wells Fargo and Discover Financial Services are currently ironing out the terms of modification programs that could begin before the end to the year.

Officials with Wells Fargo, which has $11.9 billion worth of student loans outstanding, says the company plans to offer lower interest rates for eligible borrowers starting this month and extend repayment periods starting in February.

The move, the company says, could save consumers thousands of dollars in interest payments over the life of the loan. A test pilot conducted with a few borrowers in May found that a majority of participants had their monthly payments lowered by as much as 31%.

By the end of the year, officials estimate that 600 to 1,000 borrowers will take advantage of the program.

John Rasmussen, Wells Fargo’s head of education financial services, says the bank worked with regulators to create the program after repeatedly hearing that consumers needed more options when they faced financial hardships.

Under the new program, Wells Fargo will consider lowering the interest rate of any borrower who can demonstrate a hardship. Borrowers don’t have to actually be delinquent on their loans, instead they can be current on payments, but foreseeing a rough patch related to job loss or other issues.

The eventual extended repayment plans from the bank would offer up to an additional five years for people who need more help than an interest rate reduction.

Officials with Discover, which has $8.3 billion in private student loans, tell the Post that they are in the final stages of creating a modification plan.

With an anticipated launch early next year, the plans aim to offer lowered interest rates and forgiving some debt for borrowers in dire straits.

Wells Fargo and Discover aren’t the first private student loan issuers to offer borrowers relief.

Back in January, Charger One announce a new Education Refinance Loan that, as advertised, would provide borrowers with rates as low as 5.24% and a variable rate of 2.84%. The lowest rates are reserved for those borrowers with better credit.

Wells Fargo and Discover to offer student loan modifications [The Washington Post]

Just so you know, Edward Norton and Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg are there. And you meet god (who is Woody Harrelson). I'm less than 4,000 away from making out with Edward Norton/actually boring internet strangers to death. How close are you?

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Found by Sarah McKinney; Columbus, OH

If Coca-Cola was able to move more bottles of dark brown high fructose corn syrup water by slapping names on the labels, why can’t the same idea work for other products? That is probably not the idea behind a new Nutella campaign, which lets you pay more than six bucks for a jar of the choco-nut spread that literally has your name on it. Instead of figuratively having your name on it, as usual.

Unfortunately, you can’t wander over to the local grocery store and pick up one of these jars, unlike the Coke bottles. You have to order them from Selfridges, the luxury department store in London that was definitely not founded by Jeremy Piven. Extra difficulty: you can’t order them online. They are only available in stores. If you happen to be visiting London, Manchester, or Birmingham in the near future, you’re in luck. If you aren’t, well, you’ll have to fire up your color printer and make your own at home.

Why are we telling our readers about this, then? To highlight the potential sales bonanza that Ferrero, makers of Nutella, are missing out on. Sure, Americans definitely don’t need an excuse to consume more choco-hazelnut spread, but that has never stopped us before. It certainly didn’t stop us in the case of the Coke campaign.

You Can Now Buy Nutella Jars Personalised With Your Own Name [Buzzfeed]

It's not too early to plan your Thanksgiving menu, assuming you're the one doing the cooking this year, and if a turkey is on the menu, knowing when to thaw it is critical. The last thing you want is to try and roast a half-frozen turkey. This video from America's Test Kitchen will help you do it right.

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The bad news: While the price of jet fuel is dropping, planes are still packed full of people and airfares are still on the rise. But is there a silver lining of good news for travelers, or are airline bosses just rolling around on beds made of money and laughing at us as we grumble about a ticket home for the holidays?

The good news is that no, airline executives aren’t making cash quilts to snuggle up under every night. So why aren’t those savings from jet fuel isn’t passed on to the customers in the form of lower fares? Instead, Scott Mayerowitz of the Associated Press explains, airlines are using that money in a way that could benefit consumers by way of newer, more fuel-efficient jets and to pay investors.

With airlines selling a record 85.1% of their domestic seats, they don’t really have any reason to lower fares when the money can be spent on things like an airline’s operating costs: There are salaries and benefits to pay, lease payments for airplanes, maintenance and fees for landing at airports, food and drinks, marketing, and the cost of a reservation system.

Airlines are not only buying newer planes, they’re updating and investing in airport terminals and computers, with U.S. carriers spending about $10.2 billion on capital improvements in the first nine months of this year, according to trade and lobby group Airlines for America. That’s the highest pace since the 9/11 attacks, adds Mayerowitz.

If you’re an investor, you’re likely happy the money isn’t going back to travelers, as carriers like American Airlines are finally paying out dividends. This year was the first time American had paid a dividend in the last 34, while Delta Air Lines brought back its payout last year. Southwest Airlines boosted its payout by 50% this spring, after paying a dividend every year for more than 37 years.

In the meantime, I’ll continue to grumble about the insane cost of a ticket to the Midwest in my little corner over here.

Why airfare keeps rising despite lower oil prices [Associated Press]

Each Tuesday Table, Donkey and Stick will offer insider wines, which are often inaccessible to wine enthusiasts and professionals, by the glass. [ more › ]

Actress Katrina Day came across this casting call a few weeks ago and decided she'd had enough.

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Martha Martha Martha you perfect goddess human you: word comes that your company, Martha Stewart Wants You to Live As Perfectly As She Does Even Though She Knows You Won't, You Schlub You Omnimedia, is going to start selling stuff that lets us use the fake technology known as 3D printing to make our own Martha-approved items in our own homes.

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 The headline of the photo pretty much says everything. Well, no. It doesn’t cover how I think the Toms make her look like she’s wearing two left shoes. But if she’d lend me that divine wine cardigan, I’d happily crack open a bottle to dissect the issue. It’s SCREAMING for a cold night and some well-decanted Shiraz. Read More ...

And lo, the culture presents a boon for those of you skipping Black Thursday madness: Jane Lynch and Hillary Swank will be co-hosting Fox's Cause For Paws: An All-Star Dog Spectacular. It's a telethon for dogs, basically. Perfect Thanksgiving-evening fodder.

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"I just did you a solid, homie."

Jose Canseco has been busy the past few months. First, he allegedly shot his finger off in late October. Then he tweeted about astrophysics and aliens on Wednesday.

Now, according to these tweets from last night, the surgically reattached finger fell off during a poker match. One of the other players reportedly took video of the incident and sold it to Canseco’s agent BECAUSE AMERICA!

Dam I was playing in a poker tournament last night and something crazy happened to my finger that I shot off and they put back on.

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 14, 2014

I knew something crazy was going to happen with this dam finger cause it felt like it was falling off. — Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 14, 2014

Ok well I might as well tell you .I was playing in a poker tournament last night and my finger fell off .someone took a video of it.

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 14, 2014

My finger should have been amputated from the beginning. It was very loose with no bone to connect it.it was also smelling really bad. — Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 14, 2014

This guy called my agent and sold him the video.of my finger falling off .it looks kinda funny.lol

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 14, 2014

I want to see the video I haven’t even seen it yet . — Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 14, 2014

Dammm I thought the guy was funny meaning kidding just saw the video .OMG

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 14, 2014

This guy’s the gift that keeps on giving. I wonder what he’ll do for Hanukkah and Christmas.

(Source: Twitter)

I pictured myself graduating from college, getting a cool job and even having a cute place of my own. Instead, I wake to the early-morning sounds of my family dog barking and my parents making coffee downstairs.

It's time, once again, to marvel at some idiots who don't know how to handle the world:

Cry-Baby #1: Puxton Park
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Screencap via  ​Puxton Park

The incident: A bird enthusiast attempted to visit a falconry exhibit at a family fun park.

The appropriate response: Paying for entry. Looking at some birds. Maybe taking some photos of the birds? I don't really know what you do at a falconry exhibit, to be honest.

The actual response: He was told that he could not enter the park, as single adults are not allowed inside in case they're pedophiles.

Puxton Park is a "family-oriented leisure attraction" near Weston-super-Mare, England. According to  ​its website, it features a couple of rides, some playgrounds, a petting zoo, and a falconry center.

Last week  54-year-old grandfather and bird enthusiast Matthew Richards drove 25 miles from his home in Somerset, England, to go and see the falcons at the park. 

When he attempted to enter, he was told he was not allowed in as a single man with no children, for child protection reasons. 

Speaking to  ​his local paper, Matthew said he wasn't all that happy about being turned away, as the park's brochure made no mention of the policy regarding childless adults. "I was frankly amazed. I was told the rule applies to single men, and women, for the protection of children," he said.

Alistair Mead, the managing director of the park, defended the policy to the paper. "There is a lot in the headlines about pedophiles and things that are going on with children," he said. "I think if I did a survey of 100 of our customers they would agree that we are doing the right thing."

Cry-Baby #2: John Richard Valenzuela

​
[body_image width='1000' height='620' path='images/content-images/2014/11/13/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/13/' filename='cry-baby-of-the-week-113-body-image-1415920724.jpg' id='3761']Screencap via Google Maps

The incident: A man suspected his daughter was cheating at a game of Battleship.

The appropriate response: Playing with someone else.

The actual response: He allegedly pointed a loaded gun at her head.

Last Saturday, according to Utah County Sherrif's officers, 68-year-old John Valenzuela was playing a game of Battleship with his 17-year-old daughter in his trailer just outside of Genola, Utah.

During the game, John reportedly began to suspect that his daughter was cheating. It's not specified why he thought this.

John allegedly started yelling at his daughter and smashed the Battleship game. 

Then, police say, the daughter tried to leave the trailer, and John physically stopped her. He then allegedly took out a loaded rifle, which he pointed at the girl "at least twice."

During this, the daughter was able to call 9-1-1 several times, but was not able to say where she was. Police used GPS technology to trace her to the trailer, and sent officers to investigate.

When they arrived, they arrested John, who was, according to  ​a report on KUTV, "very drunk."

He was taken into custody and charged with a "slew of charges," including aggravated assault and unlawful detention.

The daughter, who does not live with her father, has been returned to the foster family she had been staying with.

Which of these guys is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this poll down here:

Previously:  ​A woman who drove her car into a couple that took her parking spot vs. some people w​ho arrested a 90-year-old man for feeding the homeless

Winner: The people who arrested a guy for feeding homeless people!!!

Follow Jamie Lee Curtis Taete on ​Twitter.

Here, the Shedd Aquarium's rescued baby otter is eating and drinking and playing and squeaking. She has a wind up toy lobster and a tiny otter-sized basketball. Her ball-handling skills are pretty crappy thus far. I would not consider playing Pup 681 as a point guard; maybe a power forward.

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In the interest of cultural understanding, is there someone who can help me figure out just what in the Samuel L. Hill is happening in this music video for Chinese artist Wang Rong's song "Chick Chick?"

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