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04 Apr 22:35

Kendall Jenner Evokes Iconic Protest Imagery to Sell Pepsi

by Anna Silman

y u c k

It’s not easy to sell carbonated beverages in 2017. So we have to congratulate Pepsi, whose new ad may have just unseated rivals Coca-Cola when it comes to finding that Orwellian sweet spot between “having a message” and “saying nothing.”

In the two-and-a-half-minute ad, a perfectly art-directed group of young people march through the streets, holding signs with pictures of peace signs and slogans like “Join the Conversation” and “Love.” But as we all know, vague peace-sign iconography isn’t enough to affect change. You need a leader to spark a rallying cry for the revolution, like a Martin Luther King, or a Gloria Steinem or a … Kendall Jenner? Sure, that works.

Midway through the ad, revolutionary leader Kendall Jenner, clad in a blonde wig for a fancy photo shoot (signifying: not yet woke), catches the eye of a figure in the crowd. Something stirs within her. She rips off her wig, rubs off her lipstick, and joins the crowds in the streets (signifying: she’s woke now).

Police presence? No problem! When a line of attractive cops gets in the marchers’ way, Kendall Jenner simply picks the hottest one and hands him a Pepsi, and suddenly the police are all smiles.

As Elle points out, this final set piece is an image that recalls past protest imagery, like the now famous photo of Black Lives Matter protester Ieshia Evans being arrested by cops at a protest in Baton Rouge. Only, instead of an African-American woman being arrested while peacefully protesting, it’s Kendall Jenner not getting arrested for drinking Pepsi, and instead of protesting systemic racism, these people are just trying to sell you sugary beverages. Anybody else thirsty?

04 Apr 20:10

Nickelodeon is bringing back ‘Invader Zim’

by Sarah Weber

Invader Zim just joined a growing list of classic Nickelodeon cartoon shows getting new TV movies.

Entertainment Weekly reports that the wonderfully weird and satirical Invader Zim is coming back to TV for a 90-minute movie featuring the original voice cast of Richard Horvitz (Zim), Rikki Simons (GIR), Andy Berman (Dib), and Melissa Fahn (Gaz). With the news, Invader Zim joins Rocko’s Modern Life and Hey Arnold! in Nickelodeon’s upcoming TV movie lineup.

The 90-minute movie will focus on Zim—an alien attempting to live among our strange human species while also plotting against us—who has a new (probably delusional) plan to take over the world. Nickelodeon confirmed to Polygon that show creator Jhonen Vasquez is on board for the movie, though he’s previously assured fans that Zim wouldn’t be getting a reboot.

He had this to say on Tuesday afternoon.

Like lots of our favorite 1990s and early 2000s Nickelodeon shows, Invader Zim has retained a cult base of loyal fans. After more than a decade of waiting, they’re sure to be excited about the return of Zim, even if it’s for a one-time TV special. They will have some more waiting to do. Hey Arnold: The Jungle Movie is due out later this year, and Rocko is in production ahead of Invader Zim with no announced release date.

H/T Polygon 

The post Nickelodeon is bringing back ‘Invader Zim’ appeared first on The Daily Dot.

04 Apr 05:17

Video: Horse Leaving Riverside Taco Bell Falls Into Underground Vault

by Tim Loc
Video: Horse Leaving Riverside Taco Bell Falls Into Underground Vault The horse is expected to heal from its injuries. [ more › ]
03 Apr 22:48

Little girl finds her aunt’s c**k ring and wears it as a bracelet

by David Britton

Remember a few years ago, when every kid had to have “Silly Bandz,” those bracelets that were shaped like animals?

silly bandz Photo via Melinda Shelton/Wikipedia (CC-BY)

They were briefly the bane of elementary school teachers (Time magazine even ran a story about schools banning them), then they disappeared like every other trend.

But it’s not like little kids suddenly stopped wanting to wear fun colorful bracelets. In fact, anything laying around the house can totally probably work. Like, let’s say you’re visiting your aunt. Why not just slip on her boyfriend’s cock ring, that the poor fool left just sitting out on the nightstand? That’s how Ben Lauder ended up receiving this text message from this girlfriend.

cock ring text message Image via Mercury Press/Elite Daily

Along with this adorable picture.

cock ring bracelet Photo via Mercury Press/Metro

Ben didn’t know what was going on when he received the first text. “I just replied asking ‘What?’” he said in an interview, “and I was trying to think what I’d done wrong now. I was not expecting to get that at all, when the picture came through I just couldn’t believe it.”

Ben’s girlfriend Amy found her two-year-old niece wearing the sex toy like a bracelet and calling it her “new watch.” She quickly snagged it off the kid, who was apparently super bummed out and went around the house crying and looking in drawers for her lost toy.

“I found the whole thing so funny right away,” Amy said, “but it was so awkward explaining what had happened. My mum kept asking what it was, but I just told her she doesn’t want to know.”

H/T Elite Daily


The post Little girl finds her aunt’s c**k ring and wears it as a bracelet appeared first on The Daily Dot.

02 Apr 21:59

Tiny Orphaned Dik-dik Hand-reared at Chester Zoo

by Andrew Bleiman

Keepers step in to hand-rear orphaned baby dik dik antelope at Chester Zoo (17)
A tiny Dik-dik is making a big impression at Chester Zoo. The little Antelope is being cared for by zoo staff after its mother passed away soon after giving birth.

Standing only about 8 inches tall at the shoulders, the tiny Kirk’s Dik-dik is being bottle fed by staff five times a day. He will continue to receive a helping hand until he is old enough to eat by himself. 

Keepers step in to hand-rear orphaned baby dik dik antelope at Chester Zoo (19)
Keepers step in to hand-rear orphaned baby dik dik antelope at Chester Zoo (3)Photo Credit:  Chester Zoo

Assistant team manager Kim Wood and keeper Barbara Dreyer have both been caring for the new arrival, who is currently so light he doesn’t register a weight on the zoo’s set of antelope scales.

Kim said, “The youngster is beginning to find his feet now and is really starting to hold his own. We’re hopeful that, in a few months’ time, we’ll be able to introduce him to some of the other members of our group of Dik-diks.  He may be tiny but he is certainly making a big impression on everyone at the zoo.”   

Kirk’s Dik-diks grow to a maximum size of just 16 inches tall at the shoulders, making them one of the smallest species of Antelope in the world.

The species takes its name from Sir John Kirk, a 19th century Scottish naturalist, as well as the alarm calls made by female Dik-diks.  

Kirk’s Dik-diks are native to northeastern Africa and conservationists say they mark their territory with fluid from glands between their toes and just under their eyes, not dissimilar to tears. Populations in the wild are stable.

Keepers step in to hand-rear orphaned baby dik dik antelope at Chester Zoo (1)
Keepers step in to hand-rear orphaned baby dik dik antelope at Chester Zoo (2)
Keepers step in to hand-rear orphaned baby dik dik antelope at Chester Zoo (4)
Keepers step in to hand-rear orphaned baby dik dik antelope at Chester Zoo (5)
Keepers step in to hand-rear orphaned baby dik dik antelope at Chester Zoo (6)
Keepers step in to hand-rear orphaned baby dik dik antelope at Chester Zoo (7)
Keepers step in to hand-rear orphaned baby dik dik antelope at Chester Zoo (9)
Keepers step in to hand-rear orphaned baby dik dik antelope at Chester Zoo (11)
Keepers step in to hand-rear orphaned baby dik dik antelope at Chester Zoo (12)
Keepers step in to hand-rear orphaned baby dik dik antelope at Chester Zoo (14)
Keepers step in to hand-rear orphaned baby dik dik antelope at Chester Zoo (15)
Keepers step in to hand-rear orphaned baby dik dik antelope at Chester Zoo (18)

Related articles
02 Apr 10:06

This Toad Kept Coming To This Guy’s Porch, So He Started Making Him Tiny Hats

by Elizabeth

When the little boy of 43-year-old Chris Newsome’s friend lost his frog, the man decided to do something quirky, unexpected and toad-ally amazing – start taking pictures of a toad with a hat to cheer the little fellow up. While this may have started as a modest act of kindness, it turned into a real toad fashion couture extravaganza.

Show Full Text

The man, who has background in graphic design, took some foam paper and demonstrated some serious arts and crafts skills, taking toad millinery to the next level. While some people started writing negative comments saying that the guy has too much time on his hands, Chris, who currently works as the Director of Web Services for a University, told Bored Panda: “The longest I spent on each hat may have been 10 minutes.” Take that, toad fashion haters!

The gorgeous Alabama-based model, aka a Fowler’s Toad, seemed more than happy to try on different hats, including that of a dandy, a street kid, a pimp, and a Texas boy. After the little impromptu fashion show and a photoshoot, the man sent the hats to his friend’s boy. While this didn’t bring his frog back, we’re sure it made the boy feel a bit better.


When the little boy of this man’s friend lost his frog, he decided to do something toad-ally amazing


He started taking pictures of a toad with a hat to cheer the little fellow up


While this may have started as a modest act of kindness, it turned into a real toad fashion couture extravaganza


The gorgeous Alabama-based model, aka a Fowler’s Toad, seemed more than happy to try on different hats


Including that of a dandy, a street kid, a pimp, and a Texas boy…


After the little impromptu fashion show and a photoshoot, the man sent the hats to his friend’s boy


While this didn’t bring his frog back, we’re sure it made the boy feel a bit better


02 Apr 00:59

This Monastery Adopted A Stray Dog, Now He Enjoys His Life As A Monk

by Elizabeth

Meet Friar Bigotón (Friar Moustache), the stray doggie who just became a member of a St Francis Monastery in Cochabamba, Bolivia. The saint after which the Franciscan order was established is known as the patron of animals, so it’s only natural that the monks extended their helping hand to the pooch living on the streets. Now he is one happy doggie who gets to enjoy life to the fullest. “His life is all about playing and running,” fellow friar Jorge Fernandez told The Dodo. “Here, all of the brothers love him very much. He is a creature of God.”

Show Full Text

Friar Bigotón even gets to wear a habit. Maybe inspired by his outfit, the doggie was caught seriously attending to his monk duties: “[Here’s] Brother Carmelo preaching to the fish,” wrote Franciscan Kasper Mariusz Kaproń, who first posted these adorable photos online.

“If only all the churches of our country [would] adopt a dog and care for him like Friar Bigotón,” Proyecto Narices Frías (Cold Nose Project), a local animal rescue, wrote in a post on Facebook, “we are sure that the parishioners would follow his example.”

More info: Facebook (h/t: thedodo)

Meet Friar Bigotón (Friar Moustache), the stray doggie who just became a member of a St Francis Monastery


The saint after which the Franciscan order was established is known as the patron of animals…


So it’s only natural that the monks extended their helping hand to the canine living on the streets


Now he is one happy doggie who gets to enjoy life to the fullest. “His life is all about playing and running”


“Here, all of the brothers love him very much. He is a creature of God”


The doggie even gets to wear a habit. Maybe inspired by his outfit, he was caught attending to his monk duties


“[Here’s] Brother [Bigotón] preaching to the fish”


The doggie’s adoption was initiated by Proyecto Narices Frías (Cold Nose Project), a local animal rescue


They hope it will inspire other monasteries to help pets in need


“If only all the churches [would] adopt a dog… we are sure that the parishioners would follow the example”


02 Apr 00:22

Yes, that was a giant banana cruising down Whittier Boulevard

by The Eastsider

The guy who owns the banana car came to the Zoo to try to sell us on a promotional idea where he'd throw bananas at the primates we care for.

Photo by C.J. Salgado

EAST LOS ANGELES — C.J. Salgado took this photo of a “banana car” — sporting a license plate that spelled out “SPLIT” — as it  traveled the boulevard this afternoon. The banana on wheels was a promotion for a company that makes a line of dehydrated, organic banana snacks.  Can’t wait until a low-rider banana cruises on Whittier.

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01 Apr 23:30

This color is so dark it turns everything into optical illusions, and it’s actually illegal to use it

by Jill Layton

This color is so dark it turns everything into optical illusions, and it’s actually illegal to use it

This color is so dark it turns everything into optical illusions, and it’s actually illegal to use it

Optical illusions are wild. But this one might be the wildest one we’ve seen. A newly developed color called Vantablack might be the coolest color ever. But it’s actually illegal to use it.

British company Surrey NanoSystems created the color specifically for the military. The company calls it “the darkest man-made substance.” It’s literally the blackest material to ever exist. Furthermore, Vantablack absorbs nearly all light. Additionally, it even makes three-dimensional objects appear flat. 

So trippy, right?

The company gave out a few samples of Vantablack for educational purposes. But other than that, it’s impossible to get your hands on it.

You can find the color at Harvard’s Straus Center for Conservation and Technical Studies’ Forbes Pigments Collection. It’s a collection of around 2,500 synthetic and organic pigments. The center helps conservators, curators, and students study art.

But Vantablack’s material isn’t a traditional pigment.

“It’s not a powder that’s mixed with something and then applied … it’s grown there in situ,” said Straus Center Director Narayan Khandekar.

Furthermore, he added:

“You have small round tubes that grow outwards from the surface. The light goes into those tubes, bounces around, and then is transferred into heat energy, which is then dissipated. And so the surface is more than 99.9 percent light-absorbing.”

It’s hard to even fathom how people make this pigment. Let alone how the color absorbs light.

As cool as it is, don’t plan on ever seeing much of it. Because only one person in the world has the right to use it. Sculptor Anish Kapoor negotiated exclusive artistic rights to Vantablack S-VIS. That’s a spray form said to be the world’s blackest paint. 

It must be a pretty cool feeling for Kapoor to be the only human being allowed to use a specific color in his artwork. But we can’t help but think other artists might be having some serious FOMO.

Check out a video Harvard put together explaining Vantablack:

Vantablack is clearly the new black.

01 Apr 23:11

Rayna Meets A “Robot”

by Enty

black mirror series 4 is so cute

The post Rayna Meets A “Robot” appeared first on CRAZY DAYS AND NIGHTS.

01 Apr 22:10

Photos: One Guy Turned His Roommates' Mess Into A 'Passive-Aggressive Art Gallery'

by Julia Wick
Because everyone has a breaking point. [ more › ]
01 Apr 18:07

Jeni’s newest ice cream flavor is what Sailor Moon would eat for breakfast

by Gina Florio


Jeni’s newest ice cream flavor is what Sailor Moon would eat for breakfast

Jeni’s newest ice cream flavor is what Sailor Moon would eat for breakfast

Oh, look — it’s time for ice cream (well, it is somewhere, anyway). Lucky for you, there’s a brand spankin’ new flavor in Jeni’s Spring 2017 Collection, so drop everything you are doing and listen up. It’s called Supermoon, and it’s the stuff of cosmic legends. Jeni’s Supermoon ice cream is a swirl of light yellow ice cream, which tastes like vanilla marshmallow, and pale blue ice cream, which tastes like candied violets. Drooling rn.

We can’t exactly explain the flavor unless you try it for yourself, but we swear this is exactly the flavor Sailor Moon would create if she were asked to make her own ice cream. Besides, it just looks like it came straight from the galaxies. Have a look for yourself.

Apparently, the flavor of marshmallows is perfectly potent and sweet, but the foamy texture of the marshmallows has completely disappeared, to leave you with nothing more than a creamy ride into the cosmos. The blue half has a bit of a floral taste in it as well, which we’re sure complements the marshmallows to a T.

To break it down even further, the marshmallow flavors used in Jeni’s new ice cream are inspired by two different kinds, according to their Instagram: “super familiar fluffy vanilla marshmallows, and colorful, almost floral, dehydrated, cereal marshmallows.”

Sailor Moon would approve, as would any Lucky Charms fans out there. You don’t need to wait for this Supermoon goodness to be in your freezer — it’s available right now. So go forth and scream for ice cream!

31 Mar 10:16

LA’s New Museum of Ice Cream Promises a Sticky Sweet Wonderland of Surprises

by Farley Elliott

The Arts District pop-up adds even more ice cream to the city

New York City continues to export the best of its offerings to Los Angeles, from the Nomad Hotel to pastry wunderkind Dominique Ansel. The latest transplant to the sunnier side is the Museum of Ice Cream, a multi-week dessert pop-up that took New York City by storm when it first arrived in 2016.

The ice cream option lands on 7th Place in the Arts District, in a warehouse location not far from Bestia. Inside you’ll find a ton of interactive displays, from a “melted popsicle jungle” to a literal pool filled with 100 million sprinkles you can actually swim in.

Of course there will be actually edible ice cream treats too, with weekly rotating offerings from the likes of Salt & Straw, McConnell’s, Coolhaus, and Cream — plus mochi from My/Mo Mochi. Guests can even walk away with bottled ice cream scents (like a rocky road perfume, perhaps), which is sure to make you the draw of every dog and bee in your neighborhood.

The Museum of Ice Cream officially opens April 22 in the Arts District, with a limited run until May 29. Hours are 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. Wednesday through Monday, and tickets for American Express Platinum cardholders this Thursday. General admission tickets for everyone else starts on Monday.

Museum of Ice Cream
2018 E. 7th Place
Los Angeles, CA

29 Mar 10:49

Great Job, Internet!: This commercial for a Bluetooth speaker frisbee is too pure for this world

by Randall Colburn

"disc jock-e"

In our not-so-distant future, everything will have a Bluetooth speaker inside of it. In the meantime, however, we will continue to marvel as products that were once silent now play Pitbull songs. The latest is the Disc Jock-e, a frisbee that doubles as a waterproof Bluetooth speaker, making it ideal for use at the beach or, um, a patch of dewy grass. But the frisbee’s not what matters here. No, it’s the commercial being used to sell it.

It’s a simple premise: A gang of attractive, fun-loving teens demonstrate how the frisbee can play royalty-free stock music as they boogie by the pool and/or sea. Their enjoyment of the music—best described as Beach Blanket Bingo via a local improv troupe—is eclipsed only by their bug-eyed amazement at the technology.

It can only be assumed that the commercial is a period piece. Let’s say ...

29 Mar 04:49

We had no idea how many maps forgot to include this very real country

by Johnni Macke

We had no idea how many maps forgot to include this very real country

We had no idea how many maps forgot to include this very real country

Well, this is definitely news to us! We just realized how many maps forgot to include this country, and it’s totally wild.

We know that geography isn’t everyone’s favorite subject, but a LOT of maps have missed one real country. Which one is it you ask? New Zealand!

Yes, Australia’s neighbor apparently doesn’t exist…at least in the world of maps. Okay, so not every map has forgotten the small country, but many have. It’s actually pretty insane how many of these pictures and paintings of the world cut out New Zealand.

For reference, this is what New Zealand should look like on a map.

Jack Atley/Bloomberg via Getty Images

Now that you know what the country looks like, let’s take a look at the many world maps that have missed it.

For starters, in 2015, Whole Foods cut out the country on their grocery bags. It’s just too funny.

The hashtag #mapswithoutnz has also popped over the past couple of years to help show the inaccuracies.

Want to play Risk? Well, if you’re a New Zealander, apparently you can’t play!

Even children are being taught in school — via giant animal maps — that this country is missing.

Come on, this can’t be real, right? Well, it is SO real and both funny and surprising how many people have misplaced this island country.

At an AT&T location in downtown Los Angeles, the tropical destination was again forgotten.

It didn’t even make the cut on the airplane in-flight maps!

The country has 4.4 million people, and yet it is nowhere to be found on SO many maps. We just can’t stop awkward laughing at this. It’s too much.

There’s even an entire Tumblr account dedicated to pointing out the world’s cartography mistakes. They photos are hilarious, and you need to scroll through the entire site.

Poor New Zealand, they really can’t catch a break.

29 Mar 02:37

Adorable OC Grandparents Send Weekly In-N-Out Date Night Selfies to Family

by Farley Elliott

The 53-year relationship is going strong, thanks to burgers

An adorable Orange County, CA couple keeps sending weekly selfies to their family every time they eat at In-N-Out, and it’s basically got the internet swooning. The couple, Patricia and Fred Burry, have been together for more than 50 years, and still love to share fries and send photos digging into some animal-style burgers to their children and grandchildren, reports CNN.

The Burry family has long been inundated with selfies of their grandparents showing off their weekly In-N-Out haul, but it wasn’t until granddaughter Heather Daniels sent out a tweet a week or so ago showing off all the shots that the couple’s story picked up steam.

Now the Burry family has become the latest love of the gentler side of the internet, with stories not only from CNN but also Buzzfeed and even ABC News, who say the family is from Orange County.

According to multiple reports, the Burrys began the In-N-Out selfie practice after their son moved to Seattle. The act was meant as a playful enticement of what he was missing since moving out of In-N-Out territory, but also doubled as a date night for Fred and Patricia. When the granddaughter got wind she demanded in on the adorable text chain, and the shots have only grown in popularity ever since.

28 Mar 14:26

Great Job, Internet!: Little girl mistakes water heater for robot, welcomes it to earth, hugs it, is great

by Clayton Purdom

The dream of friendly, sentient robots—Rosie from The Jetsons, doing all the housework—once seemed like a quaint relic of an older era. But, as we’ve seen with virtual reality, older technologies have a way of resurfacing. Artificial intelligences are being constructed with ever-increasing sophistication, and robots are being built that can run and leap and lift and scramble over ice like super-powered dog men. Parents everywhere have already realized the delightful ways an iPad can occupy a child’s mind for hours on end. The notion that we may someday have robots to care for us, and to in turn receive our affection, seems increasingly likely.

This little girl is ready for the moment to come. What she is hugging here is not a robot, despite its shiny titanium body and eye-lock sockets on top—it’s a water heater. And yet she repeatedly says, “Hi, Robot ...

28 Mar 06:47

After Two Decades of Marriage, Tim McGraw and Faith Hill Are Finally Giving Us a Joint Album

by Hunter Harris

what happened to tim mcgraw's face

Lionsgate Hosts The World Premiere Of

Country music’s reigning couple have announced they’re in the studio together. Faith Hill and Tim McGraw are working on album that will be arriving later this year, according to Entertainment Weekly. Ahead of the album’s release, however, the couple will drop a song this Thursday. They’ll also perform the song, titled “Speak to a Girl,” on April 2 at the 52nd Academy of Country Music Awards. After more than 20 years of marriage and a handful of singles together — including the Grammy winners “Let’s Make Love” and “Like We Never Loved at All” — this is the first full-length project Hill and McGraw have worked on together. The couple’s upcoming album will probably be centrifugal motion, and definitely perpetual bliss.

28 Mar 05:51

Nostalgia alert: Here’s what the Sun Baby from “Teletubbies” looks like now

by Olivia Harvey

Nostalgia alert: Here’s what the Sun Baby from “Teletubbies” looks like now

Nostalgia alert: Here’s what the Sun Baby from “Teletubbies” looks like now

As kids, some of us religiously kept up-to-date on the daily antics of Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa Laa and Po on the PBS Kids’ show, Teletubbies. The show ran from 1997 to 2001, and is still in syndication on Nick Jr. if you’re looking to invoke some serious nostalgia. But even though we loved those weird colorful little critters, one of our favorite characters was the Sun Baby. Recently, the actress who played Sun Baby revealed her identity, and honestly, she still kind of looks the same!

Who could forget that absolutely adorable little giggling sun? How’d she get up in the sky? Where were her parents?

According to The Sun (appropriately enough), the cartoon-like baby in the sky was a very real Jess Smith, who was chosen to play Sun Baby while being weighed at the local hospital.
Smith told the Sun, “My mum took me and it just happened to be the same time that the producer of the old series had come in and wanted the hospital to get in contact with them if they’d seen any smiley babies.”

And lucky for Smith, she was a very smiley baby.

Curios of what the sun baby from Teletubbies looks like now? Well here ya go #telletubbies #jesssmith

A post shared by Rj Brown (@rj_brown88) on

In 2014, Smith told Daily Mail that she revealed she was Sun Baby during an ice breaker game she played with friends at Canterbury Christ Church University. Each person had to share something about themselves that others might not know already.

“I thought I may as well tell them as I’m going to be spending the next three years with them,” Smith told Daily Mail. “My mother is really chuffed.”

Just last month, Smith attended The Teletubbies 20th anniversary party in London. She’s still just as smiley as ever!

Getty Images / Barcroft Media
“Everyone says they can see the likeness between my face now and me as a baby,” Smith wrote in her Facebook post. “I still have a baby face. I haven’t changed much either. I am still giggly.”

We’re glad that Sun Baby is just as happy now as she was 20 years ago!

28 Mar 02:42

#ThanksForTyping – Notes of Gratitude and the History of Women’s Anonymity in Knowledge Production

by Tristan Bridges, PhD

Knowledge production is a collective endeavor. Individuals get named as authors of studies and on the covers of books and journal articles. But little knowledge is produced in such a vacuum that it can actually be attributed to only those whose names are associated with the final product. Bruce Holsinger, a literary scholar at the University of Virginia, came up with an interesting way of calling attention to some of women’s invisible labor in this process–typing their husbands’ manuscripts.

Holsinger noted a collection of notes written by husbands to their wives thanking them for typing the entirety of their manuscripts (dissertations, books, articles, etc.), but not actually explicitly naming them in the acknowledgement. It started with five tweets and a hashtag: #ThanksForTyping.

Typing a manuscript is a tremendous task – particularly when revisions require re-typing everything (typewriters, not computers). And, though they are thanked here, it’s a paltry bit of gratitude when you compare it with the task for which they are being acknowledged. They’re anonymous, their labor is invisible, but they are responsible for the transmitting men’s scholarship into words.

Needless to say, the hashtag prompted a search that uncovered some of the worst offenders. The acknowledgements all share a few things in common: they are directed at wives, do not name them (though often name and thank others alongside), and they are thanked for this enormous task (and sometimes a collection of others along with it). Here are a few of the worst offenders:

Indeed, typing was one of those tasks for which women were granted access to and in which women were offered formal training. Though, some of these are notes of gratitude to wives who have received education far beyond typing. And many of the acknowledgements above hint that more than mere transcription was often offered – these unnamed women were also offering ideas, playing critical roles in one of the most challenging elements of scientific inquiry and discovery – presenting just what has been discovered and why it matters.

One user on twitter suggested examining it in Google’s ngram tool to see how often “thanks to my wife who,” “thanks to my wife for” and the equivalents adding “husband” have appeared in books. The use of each phrase doesn’t mean the women were not named, but it follows what appears to be a standard practice in many of the examples above – the norm of thanking your wife for typing your work, but not naming her in the process.

Of course, these are only examples of anonymous women contributing to knowledge production through typing. Women’s contributions toward all manner of social, cultural, political, and economic life have been systemically erased, under-credited, or made anonymous.  Each year Mother Jones shares a list of things invented by women for which men received credit (here’s last year’s list).

Knowledge requires work to be produced. Books don’t fall out of people’s heads ready-formed. And the organization of new ideas into written form is treated as a perfunctory task in many of the acknowledgements above–menial labor that people with “more important” things to do ought to avoid if they can. The anonymous notes of gratitude perform a kind of “work” for these authors beyond expressing thanks for an arduous task–these notes also help frame that work as less important than it often is.

Tristan Bridges, PhD is a professor at The College at Brockport, SUNY. He is the co-editor of Exploring Masculinities: Identity, Inequality, Inequality, and Change with C.J. Pascoe and studies gender and sexual identity and inequality. You can follow him on Twitter here. Tristan also blogs regularly at Inequality by (Interior) Design.

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28 Mar 02:12

Newswire: A Cash Cab revival is in the works

by Danette Chavez

Ride-share services are running roughshod over cab companies these days, with amenities that include aux cords and strained conversation with all the strangers that join you in your Pool or Line. But has any ride-share app ever offered you the chance to make some money while you’re sitting in traffic? (Um, maybe don’t answer that.) In any case, Discovery Channel’s Cash Cab once did (from 2005 to 2012), and now the traveling trivia contest has just turned its light back on.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Discovery Channel’s reviving the series with executive producer David Steinberg (Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm). All3 Media’s Lion USA, which produced the original show, will also handle production of the revival. A new host hasn’t been hailed yet, but updates to the show’s format have already been teased. Apparently, contestants will be able to get help from “pedestrians ...

28 Mar 02:10

Rascal Flatts To Open Restaurant In L.A., Giving Us What We Always Wanted

by Tim Loc
Rascal Flatts To Open Restaurant In L.A., Giving Us What We Always Wanted It's supposed to open sometime this year. [ more › ]
27 Mar 22:03

Great Job, Internet!: This short, creepy video is pure, undiluted internet weirdness

by Clayton Purdom

At times it can seem that the internet has been tamed—that the strange bacteria that once thrived in forums and MMOs and imageboards has now entirely been colonized and categorized and (dismayingly) radicalized. New memes are about memes; new internet celebrities are cannibalized almost as soon as they are created.

Thus, the three-minute short film “Hi Stranger” by Kirsten Lepore is a welcome shot of please-just-watch-it grain-alcohol weirdness. In it, a claymation person with a bulbous, almost baboon-like ass lolls in a seductive moment, whispering soft affirmations directly to you. They lovingly sketch your face through the computer screen, glancing upward and making the sort of direct eye contact that forces you to at first look away, then gaze back, deeply. You feel known by this stranger. The film is self-contained, raising many questions but requiring no answers. All that is left is you and the person, who, you ...

27 Mar 17:06

Newswire: Google is killing Gchat

by William Hughes

New York magazine reports that Google is getting ready to kill off one of its most beloved features: Google Talk (or, as it’s more colloquially known, Gchat), the little conversational window lurking like a time-devouring landmine on the side of every Gmail session. The service’s main chat functionality will be taken over by Google Hangouts, which the company rolled out a few years ago, and which have slowly become the center of its social messaging tools.

Still, we’ll miss old-school Gchat, the inescapable, weirdly intimate chat medium that could always be plausibly passed off as “checking emails,” and, thus, work. Google will formally kill the unofficial “AIM-for-grown-ups” off in June.

27 Mar 05:55

The beautiful fiction of Disneyland

by Mary Birnbaum

I think I've been to Disneyland 20 times since November. I live in Orange County, about 15 minutes from the park, and most days I wait till school is out so I can take my daughters with me. But I also go alone.

I'm 36.

As kids growing up in San Diego, my sisters and I went with our parents to Disneyland once a year, usually for our birthdays or some special occasion. But when I moved home from college I bought an annual pass, which I've renewed in most subsequent years. When I have an afternoon off, I drive over and park in the adjacent mall. I walk to the park's turnstiles in a sort of fugue. Sometimes I ride the rides but mostly I just walk around because, inside the park — in that battery of smells and noise and light — I am calmed. And, through the cotton-candy haze, I have formed a theory to answer for my obsession — one that I think extrapolates to a broader American problem.

I know what you're thinking. This woman is desperate to justify an infantile fixation with Disneyland. And that's also true. But hear me out.

This is how it is: I step onto the cobblestone sidewalk, and a false town unfurls ahead. Somewhere nearby a train whistle blows. The machinery of the steam engine begins to catch and clack and catch. A pole rises in the middle of the Main Street roundabout; at the top an American flag rolls and snaps. Slowly, I move into the throng. I have not come here for rides at all; I have come because I love a well-told story.

Main Street, Disneyland is the area least changed in the park. It's supposed to replicate the central avenue of Marceline, Missouri, where Walt Disney grew up. He aimed to evoke the year 1910, the era of his grandparents, which he referred to as simpler and safer. Though, somewhere in our consciousness, we know that nothing is ever truly simple, nothing truly safe, at least not in the immaculate, cartoon sense of Main Street, guests happily fold into the farce. The fabrication of a better, bygone time is so complete that we can almost taste the memory, even those of us who were (for example) born the year Reagan was elected, those of us who were not there. We have absorbed stories about America's place on the right side of history.

The memory of our national goodness is as close as the smell of burnt sugar and popcorn butter and the sweat of Clydesdales. The memory is as tidy as flower planters filled with purple larkspur, blueish lobelia; girlish impatiens; petunias that point up like tiny gramophones; hearty pink mums and dainty sweet alyssum — all sown with geometric precision. There are 150 full-time gardeners who tend the Disney beds at night, and in the heat of the day, when those workers have disappeared, the humus rising off the new-churned soil hints at authentic earth. The buildings lining Main Street are painted the pastels of saltwater taffy. Mansard roofs sit atop their facades like sturdy hats. Turned finials poke daintily toward the sky and striped awnings sweep out from eaves like ladies' skirts; their scalloped edges ruffle prettily when a breeze blows. And in the air everywhere there is a song, a never-ending song. A lilting tune. Something jaunty from Back Then.

After the 2016 election I took to the internet like a fiend, looking for answers. The liberal web had devolved into a great howl. Never a user of the platform before, I refreshed Twitter like I had a tic. I read the news and any blog I could find, trying to dismantle the election riddle, to pop my own bubble. Slowly, progressives tuned to mounting evidence that the election result was a product of Donald Trump's collusion with Russia, but we were also awakened to an equally (if not more) disconcerting reality. Trump voters weren't just a couple dudes in rumpled KKK robes who'd been living in caves since the alleged end of Jim Crow. They were people we knew, who had found a way to look past hate speech and buffoonery because they'd been sold a promise: that, though we had gone to bed in black and white, we would wake up in the Technicolor version of our Great American past. The trouble with U.S. history as invoked by President Trump's marketers is that, like all beguiling stories, it's an elaborate fiction that presents us as the people we think we are, but whom we have never been.

Nostalgia is nowhere more tangibly realized than at Disneyland. There is something more than escapism at play. People who go to Disney are looking for something they think they've lost. When they arrive, they find the facsimile of a kind of home, even though there is something uncanny about the place, something perhaps sickly sweet. The illusion is effective because, through clever engineering and attention to detail, it sidles just close enough to reality. That's what advertising does, and that's what Trump did so effectively. He told Americans that if they were unhappy it was because the American people had been set adrift, and his plan was to restore us to that once-great place.

When he conceived Disneyland, Walt Disney sought to manifest a place of simultaneous forgetting and remembering. At the moment, the park is comprised of 85 acres, though that area will expand as construction finishes on Star Wars Land. Disneyland is big enough to get lost in, grand enough to be immersive. There is no hint of the external world; no freeway noise, no horns, no sirens of any kind. A person can walk and walk for hours without stopping, though they will ultimately be walking in circles of various size. My friend who wears a pedometer to the park says if she spends the day there, she'll have walked about five miles.

There are no street corners in the park. Where sidewalks should meet at right angles, instead they curve. The detail was executed to soften the feel of the park, inducing ease and comfort by literally eliminating hard edges. And removing corners is only the beginning of various subtle effects Disney perpetrates. The scope of the place is designed to make people feel significant. Buildings on Main Street are a two-thirds scale rendition of actual buildings, which was supposedly an effort by the park's designers to make children feel larger. They wanted kids to enjoy a stature here that they knew nowhere else. But the effect also means that adults in this demi-city are slightly oversized.

It is in this peculiar, pretend place that I think I can meet the person who voted for Trump. I meet them in the simplistic dream of safety and calm. There is no nuance, no complexity at Disneyland; there is only a beautiful fiction. America — or a pretty vision of it — has been so carefully constructed in this place that, for the length of a visit, it's possible to imagine our country is a fixed idea.

This is not an attempt to infantilize Trump voters. I know there are many of them who are kinder and smarter than I. And like I said, I am as susceptible to a good story as anyone. But I know something about the dance of Disneyland, I have made something like an ethnography of it, and I think it's analogous to the tricks of the Trump campaign. He made a platform of simplistic reasoning, designed for those exhausted by the rigors of political correctness and critical thought. The candidate did not have to be eloquent; he was, in fact, strategically inarticulate. Linguists have described his style — one riddled with non-sequiturs and fragments — as effectively conveying a feeling rather than a specific message. With varying degrees of coherence, he reduced American unhappiness to a battle of us versus them, a stance both internally and internationally isolationist, with terror as a backdrop. It's probably pertinent to mention here that Bob Iger, the CEO of Disney, is on the president's strategic and policy advisory committee. For once, at least as it concerns storytelling, Trump actually tapped the Best People.

I go to Disneyland to still my anxious heart, to reduce the post-election clatter of my mind. But I know that even the simplest place — the so-called Happiest Place — cannot really claim that distinction. 1955 wasn't simple and safe enough for Walt Disney; he tried to reconstruct 1910. Now millions of Americans are trying to get back to 1955 or any year when they think they were not afraid. Disneyland cannot escape complexity because its very genius is in attention to detail and the close reproduction of reality. And reality is inevitably complex.

Consider the original ABC broadcast of Disneyland's opening day.

Though it's in black and white, you can see that July 17, 1955 was a meltingly hot day. A series of glistening TV anchors, including Art Linklater and then-actor Ronald Reagan, lead a tour of the new park, section by section. On the way they talk to visiting families and celebrities. It is Reagan who holds the anchor's mic to interview Fess Parker, a.k.a. Davey Crockett, when he rides into Frontierland on a sweaty horse. Parker apologizes for his tardiness, on account of having been waylaid by a band of "redskins." Luckily, he adds, tapping his rifle, "Old Betsy" saved the day. Reagan chuckles for the camera. Just then a cast of dancing cowboys breaks into a tune called "My One and Only Betsy," in apparent ode to the firearm. In a following segment, Aunt Jemima (at this point portrayed by the actress Aylene Lewis) is seen dancing a vigorous Charleston alongside other revelers in what would eventually become New Orleans Square.

The tropes modify, politics change, the world heaves and shudders, and Disney always adapts. The guns aren't loaded anymore, but there's still a shooting gallery in Frontierland.

You can sidestep the truth if you successfully approximate it. Trump beat us, and he will continue to beat us, because he staffed his ranks with adept storytellers and mythmakers. America did not want the truth; it is too rife with complexity and nuance and struggle. As our moral arc maybe (and this is really a maybe) had started to bend toward justice, partially as issues of racism and misogyny and poverty and privilege came to the fore, the deep red, beating heart of the country sped up. They didn't want to feel guilty and afraid. America wanted a hot milk and a lullaby. The answer would seem to be that we must fight story with story. But Trump's anodyne message is hard to combat. It is, unfortunately, as old as it is inaccurate.

In June my family and I are moving back to San Diego. We won't be at Disneyland's doorstep anymore. The change will suit my dog Wyatt just fine; nightly the park's fireworks rumble like a distant shelling, and he is very sensitive to noise. I think this year I will not renew my pass. Though I will never stop wanting to be there, inside the easy story, I think the time for platitudes, the time for calm, is long past. And, though the buildings have real doors, they are always shut, and the curtains are always drawn; no one really lives on Main Street.

This article was originally published at Lunch Ticket.

27 Mar 00:52

A Twitter user has been dealing with trolls for months by telling them how good “Magic Mike XXL” is, and we’re dying

by Chelsea Duff

A Twitter user has been dealing with trolls for months by telling them how good “Magic Mike XXL” is, and we’re dying

A Twitter user has been dealing with trolls for months by telling them how good “Magic Mike XXL” is, and we’re dying

With the anonymity and freedom that the internet affords, come the trolls. These trolls can be incredibly aggressive — and hard to ignore, especially on Twitter. But, over the years, we’ve come up with pretty effective ways of dealing with Twitter trolls. Like blocking them, which Twitter has made it easier to do. Or clicking that “report abuse” button Twitter instituted a couple years ago. Our favorite method? Trolling the trolls right back.

For Jessica Chastain, that meant using some biting sarcasm on Twitter to shut down men mansplaining women’s health and feminism to her.

Blogger Chiara Sasti printed her haters’ tweets on toilet paper.

Pulirsi in modo decente 💩 #forhaters

A post shared by Chiara Nasti (@nastilove) on

And, for the past several months, screenwriter and Twitter user BenDavid Grabinski has been trolling his trolls by bringing up the cinematic masterpiece that is Magic Mike XXL.

Grabinski, who has worked as a writer and director, has clearly been a fan of the Magic Mike franchise for quite some time.

But in late January, he started mentioning the movie as a method of shutting down rude, obnoxious, and abusive people in his mentions.

The best part? It seems to do the trick!

At the very least it works better than the other strategies Grabinski’s tried.

It works on Twitter DMs, too.

Grabinski’s Magic Mike XXL Twitter troll strategy is absolutely legendary.

We’re not the only ones taking note.

Consider us fans — of Grabinski now and, of course, Magic Mike XXL as well.

It is, after all, one of the best movies of all time.

25 Mar 10:15

People Can’t Handle How Cute These Baby Spa Photos Are

by Stella


After a long day, sometimes you just need a warm bath and a good massage to take the edge off – especially if you’re a baby.

Show Full Text

Baby Spa Perth in Western Australia offers high-class hydrotherapy and massages exclusively for clients under 6 months old, and they even boast their own patented flotation device, known as the Bubby. Not only are these mini-baths insanely adorable, they’re relaxing for little ones and help prepare them for swimming lessons. Photos from the spa are making the rounds on the Internet, and people can barely contain their baby fever – 11.5k followers have already flocked to their Instagram page.

Though Baby Spa Perth is the first of its kind in Australia, it joins a line of international franchises. Spa founder, Laura Sevenus, also operates baby spas in England, South Africa, and Spain.

More info: Baby Spa Perth, Instagram, Facebook

Baby Spa Perth is Australia’s first bath and massage parlor exclusively for – you guessed it – babies

Here, babies kick and float around to their heart’s delight in a warm bath with soft waves

The spa even boasts its own patented flotation device, the Bubby, which keeps babies comfy and safe

The experience allows parents and babies to bond in a relaxing environment for both parties

Not only is it adorable, but hydrotherapy for babies is extremely beneficial to their health

In the water, babies can move freely, which helps them develop muscle and bone strength

The sensations they feel while floating also prepare them for swimming lessons, and even walking

Plus, let’s be honest – it’s tough work being a brand new person, and sometimes you just need to relax

After their baths, babies are given a gentle massage with grape seed oil, moisturizing their skin

The water they float in is purified with ozone, which kills bacteria in shared basins, but is baby-safe

11.5k followers have already flocked to their Instagram page, and their photos are giving everyone baby fever

Though it’s the first of its kind in Australia, Baby Spas also exist in England, South Africa, and Spain


23 Mar 21:19

First Pygmy Hippo in Seven Years for Taronga Zoo

by Andrew Bleiman

1_Pygmy Hippo Calf 1_Photo by Paul Fahy

Taronga Zoo is celebrating the arrival of an endangered Pygmy Hippo calf!

The female calf was born to first-time parents Fergus and Kambiri on February 21, and she is the first of her kind born at the Zoo in nearly seven years. Taronga Zoo is also planning a competition to help choose a name for the calf.

The calf made her public debut under the watchful eye of her mother and keepers. Visitors can now begin to, hopefully, catch glimpses of the rare newborn on Taronga’s Rainforest Trail as she starts to explore outdoors and perfect the art of swimming.

“Pygmy Hippos naturally spend a lot of time in the water, so the calf is already having a great time learning to swim next to mum and even practicing holding her breath underwater,” said Keeper, Renae Moss.

“We’ve started by filling the pond to about 40 cm deep, but we’ll gradually increase the depth of the water as the little one grows in confidence.”

2_Pygmy Hippo Calf 9_Photo by Paul Fahy

3_Pygmy Hippo Calf 3_Photo by Paul Fahy

4_Pygmy Hippo Calf 4_Photo by Paul FahyPhoto Credits: Paul Fahy / Taronga Zoo

Weighing about five kilograms at birth, the calf is growing at a healthy pace and has begun mouthing solid foods: “The calf is absolutely thriving. She’s putting on weight every day and she’s already got little rolls of fat around her neck,” Renae continued.

A vital addition to the region’s insurance population of Pygmy Hippos, the calf is the first born at Taronga since Kambiri in June 2010.

“Kambiri is proving to be an absolute natural as a mother. She’s very attentive and a great teacher, guiding the calf as she learns to swim and showing her what foods to eat,” said Renae.

“It’s also important for the calf to learn these natural mothering behaviors, as we hope she’ll grow up to be an excellent mum herself. With as few as 2000-3000 Pygmy Hippos remaining in the wild, every little calf is important.”

Native to the forests and swamps of West Africa, the Pygmy Hippopotamus (Choeropsis liberiensis or Hexaprotodon liberiensis) is a solitary animal that generally only comes together for breeding. Little is known about them in the wild, with the majority of research recorded about the species learned from those cared for in zoos. The species is currently classified as “Endangered” on the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species.

“These elusive animals continue to be threatened by loss of habitat as their forest homes are logged and converted to farmland at an alarming rate. They are also vulnerable to poaching, hunting and civil unrest and their wild populations continue to decline. Protecting their natural habitat is critical in ensuring the survival of wild populations and we can all help Pygmy Hippos by choosing paper and wood products certified by the Forest Stewardship Council,” Renae concluded.

More great pics below the fold!

5_Pygmy Hippo Calf 2_Photo by Paul Fahy

6_Pygmy Hippo Calf 10_Photo by Paul Fahy

7_Pygmy Hippo Calf 11_Photo by Paul Fahy

8_Pygmy Hippo Calf 17_Photo by Paul Fahy

9_Pygmy Hippo Calf 12_Photo by Paul Fahy

10_Pygmy Hippo Calf 15_Photo by Paul Fahy

11_Pygmy Hippo Calf 19_Photo by Paul Fahy

12_Pygmy Hippo Calf 20_Photo by Paul Fahy

13_Pygmy Hippo Calf 6_Photo by Paul Fahy

14_Pygmy Hippo Calf 8_Photo by Paul Fahy

22 Mar 19:11

Photos: Los Angeles' Glorious Bunny Museum Reopens In Altadena

by Annie Lloyd
The record-setting Bunny Museum now has more space for its furry wonders. [ more › ]
20 Mar 18:04

A Season 1 Recap of This Is Us By Someone Who Didn't Watch a Single Episode

by Kara Brown on The Muse, shared by Julianne Escobedo Shepherd to Jezebel

Okay, semantics question: In this show, one of a set of triplets dies at birth. The parents adopt another baby and carry on raising their kids, "The Big Three." The two surviving triplets refer to themselves as "twins." This really bugs me! They're not twins! They're triplets, whose sibling died at birth. Am I wrong? Did I just steal this from A Series of Unfortunate Events? Also, they're incredibly rude to their adopted brother, which is a whole other issue that is far more upsetting.

Image via NBC.

I’ve never watched an episode of This Is Us because the only person I let manipulate my emotions on a weekly basis is Shonda Rhimes. However, I have a Twitter account and Facebook friends, so I’ve been unable to escape this show.

I sort of want to know what happens throughout the season but not enough to actually sit down and watch a full episode, so instead I watched all the episode highlights on YouTube.

In case it wasn’t clear, I’m about to drop some SPOILERS—or maybe not. Again, I haven’t watched.

OK, so there’s this couple—Mandy Moore and Milo Ventimiglia. Mandy Moore is pregnant as fuck. I mean, like, suuuuuper pregnant.

Screenshot via NBC.

She was supposed to have triplets but one baby doesn’t make it. While they’re at the hospital, they decide to replace that baby with a random black infant who was left at a fire station—as you do.

Mandy Moore was planning on naming the triplets Kevin, Kate and Kyle—a.k.a. the KKK. However, she goes to visit the abandoned baby’s biological father, a crackhead musician named William, and he convinces her to name him Randall—a.k.a. Christopher Darden.

Mandy Moore and Milo Ventimiglia sit on the floor in the hallway of their house a lot and talk about serious shit like the fact that Milo Ventimiglia is an alcoholic who thinks love can cure alcoholism.

Screenshot via NBC.

Christopher Darden is an extremely cute child but who struggles because his parents don’t have a great understanding about the challenges of transracial adoption. Christopher Darden dumbs himself down as a child in order to fit in with his mediocre siblings. Later, his parents take him to an all-black karate class because they remember he is black.

The kids grow up fine. Kevin lets people make racist jokes about Christopher Darden. Kevin and Christopher Darden do not get along very well because Kevin thinks their mom loved Christopher Darden more and you know what? Maybe she did. Maybe she just likes black people more than white people—I know I do! They get in a fight on the street that’s broken up by Seth Meyers because NBC, synergy, etc.

There is a magic t-shirt.

Kevin is an actor on a shitty sitcom who inexplicably thinks he deserves better: “Ryan Gosling may not do this crap, and neither will I!” he yells as he quits his job. Kevin is a dick who did not, in fact, date Demi Lovato.

Meanwhile, Christopher Darden is very successful and works in a fancy office. He goes looking for his biological father and finds him. Things are rocky because interpersonal relationships are hard.

Jack is dead. They put him in an urn and sometimes they put a hat on the urn.

Screenshot via NBC.

Kate, the other twin, barely talks to her mom—old Mandy Moore. Kate meets Toby and they become “fat friends,” which looks exactly like two regular adults dating each other. Kate says that she agreed to go out with Toby because he promised to lose weight for her, which seems like a very, very bad and selfish reason to date someone.

Mandy Moore is old and carries around a ball of yarn.

Screenshot via NBC.

At Thanksgiving, Christopher Darden gets mad at her because she knew all about his biological father and never told him.

Kate announces she’s going to get gastric bypass surgery and dumps Toby. Kate high-key sucks.

Kevin has a very uninteresting storyline that involves three to four similar-looking white women and a play.

Turns out, Grandpa William—AKA Christopher Darden’s dad—is gay “or at least bi.” He also has cancer. Fuck.

Kate and Toby make up and she lets him come to Christmas.

Screenshot via NBC.

Christmas is going FUCKING AMAZING UNTIL it’s ruined by Toby’s heart attack. Toby dies.

Wait, no he doesn’t.

Screenshot via NBC.

Kevin skips the play he’s supposed to star in because Christopher Darden sounds sad. And boy is he really, really sad!

Screenshot via NBC.

Turns out, Mandy Moore and Milo Ventimiglia don’t love each other as much as we thought and they break up because Mandy Moore wants to continue reprising her role in a Walk to Remember...

Screenshot via NBC, Warner Brothers

...but Milo Ventimiglia wants her to stick around because he’s just out there trying to survive with Ponyboy and the other greasers.

Screenshot via NBC.

William dies.

Screenshot via NBC.

Christopher Darden responds to that trauma by quitting his job and telling his wife he wants to adopt a baby—full circle ‘n shit.

There was much hubbub about who was going to die on last night’s season finale. I don’t think anyone died, actually. Rather, my guess is, the entire family decided to reconnect with a cross-country road trip in a giant RV that was t-boned by a semi truck in the final moments of the episode, because that feels on-brand for this show.

Everyone lives but next season is going to be brutal. Can you handle it? HUH? Is your body even able to produce that many tears? We’ll find out next season on This Is Us.