Bewarethewumpus

Author : S T Xavier

“Peter! I’m taking the kids out to dinner! Remember our meeting with the school in the morning!”

The yelling of his wife snaps him from his mindset, and he grimaces. With a sigh, he turns to the staircase and yells back, “Thank you, Marsha! I promise to come to bed at a decent hour!”

He turns back to the board and looks over the numbers again, but has completely lost his place. With a shake of his head, he turns his attention to the circuitry, giving it one last once-over. As he does, the basement light flickers once, then goes out, plunging his workshop into darkness.

Peter chuckles a wry chuckle as he stumbles through the darkness toward the flashlight on a shelf. Of course the light would burn out right before I’m ready to flip the switch, he thinks with a crooked grin.

Two steps away from the shelf, his foot catches on a stray cable. As he falls forward, he thinks it must be the cable connecting the doorway to the control panel. That’s the only cable running across the room. Sticking his hands out to catch himself, he reasons that he might need to cover it with something so he doesn’t trip over it again.

In the total darkness, he’s surprised when his hands collide with switches and knobs instead of the concrete basement floor. The feel of the control panel is immediately recognizable, but he’s surprised for a second that he was falling this way. He hits the control panel hard, grabbing it to steady himself from his fall.

As Peter hopes he didn’t mess anything up too badly, his thoughts are drowned out by a hum of power. He scrambles to collect himself as he realizes he must have flipped the switch! But, all of the settings, he thinks as he moves his hands over the darkness-shrouded control panel. The settings are all wrong! What have I done!?

A single flash from the doorway behind him illuminates the room briefly, then plunges it back into darkness. He looks at the control panel as his eyes adjust, waiting until he’s able to see it clearly to check the settings. A blue glow slowly settles over the controls, and he focuses on noting the changed settings.

It’s a full minute before he realizes the blue glow isn’t from his eyes adjusting, but from the doorway behind him. He stands slowly and turns, bit by bit, until he’s facing the doorway, which is now surrounded by a blue glow.

Looking at the doorway is like looking into a mirror. The basement on the other side, covered in the same blue glow, is exactly the same. The cable he tripped over is lying across the floor in the same place on both sides. The control panel is the same distance away. The person standing in front of the control panel is wearing the same rumpled red shirt and gray sweat pants as he is. The dirty brown socks and messy black hair are also the same. As he reaches up to remove his glasses, the person in the doorway also reaches up to remove hers.

And that stuns him into motionlessness, as it does to the woman who looks just like him on the other side. He works his mouth to say something, as does the woman. Finally, he’s able to speak, and the words come out of both mouths simultaneously. “Holy crap. You’re me. But, you’re not me!”

“You’re a woman!” he finishes his statement with.

“You’re a man!” she finishes her statement with.

They stare at each other for a few more seconds, then step forward and reach their right hands to each other. Both hands pass through the doorway to the other side before they realize they missed a handshake. Both shrug as they instead clasp wrists and shake up and down once.

Looking in each other’s eyes, they smile, then shake their heads in wonder. “Marsha’s never going to believe this.” They both say, to each other’s surprise.

Author : Selso Sam Zaghloul

Cherry woke up at three o’clock local time, sweating and panting. She turned and looked out the window as the light from the smaller moon dripped into the room.

She had the dream again. The same dream she had nearly every night since the colony group had plopped their dull-gray prefab houses on this world. A dream of music, of an unearthly song bigger than everything, and of a light that would consume the heavens.

She trudged out of bed, dragging herself to the sink. She splashed ice cold water onto her face, as if trying to wash out the vision from here mind. It didn’t work. She could still hear the song echoing in here head, and the light dance before here whenever she blinked. She sighed. Cherry wished she had someone to talk to. But the other colonist lived in a compound about ten minutes away; a home to herself was supposedly Cherry’s reward for her work on the soil survey.

But the truth hung there, unspoken. They wanted Cherry and her dreams of heavenly music and all-embracing light as far away as possible, as if she was a useful, but dangerous animal. And maybe they were right to do so, she wondered in despair, maybe she was a ticking time bomb, waiting to go off.

Then she heard it. The same music from her dreams rose faintly into her ears. Cherry listened, at first in fear (this was it, she thought I’ve had finally lost my mind) and then in longing, greater longing than anything she had wanted in her entire life, until she could stand it no longer and ran out into the night, the melody pulling on her soul like a fishing line .

She didn’t care that it was the middle of the night, or that the song emanated from the untamed forest, or even that she was as naked as a newborn. The music made its siren’s call, and Cherry would answer, no matter what.

As she dashed through the spiral pines she nearly ran into pack of gecko-wolves, one the planet’s most vicious predator, who could strip a man to bone in seconds. She barely noticed them as they parted before her as if they were bowing before some sort of holy woman.

She exited the forest near seaside cliff. The Song was coming beneath her, from within the earth. She got on her knees and began to claw at the ground like a dog searching for the last bone in the universe. Hours later, she hit something.

The music stopped.

She had uncovered a black metal surface, barely visible in the light of the second moon. Cherry held her breath, and slowly reached for it with here index finger, trembling in both fear and excitement. The second she touched the metal’s cool surface, veins of light appeared on it, spreading quickly. The structure, a sphere the size of Cherry’s head, bursts out of the ground, knocking her on her ass, and floated over the clam sea.

The sphere disassembled itself into five pieces, like a puzzle in reverse. The floating pieces were still connected by the light, and from that light emerged five new structures, rectangles this time, and they too disassembled, and reattached themselves to the ends of the sphere-pieces. The process repeated-metal structures would come forth from the light, take themselves apart and attach the new individual parts to the ever expanding super-structure that had begun with the sphere.

By the time the larger moon rose, Cherry was no longer sitting before open space.

She was standing before a city.

Author : Jae Miles, Staff Writer

“Lie back, Daniel Sixteen. This will be over in under five instants.”

I swing my legs up and settle into the logro, feeling the soft curves adjust to the contour and temperature settings supplied by my envi. Things have definitely come long way from my last forgetting. Not that I remember the exact details, but the echo of certainty – what used to be called déjà vu – hints me true.

Yarrie Four-Twenty Clone smiles and rests her hand on my brow, her entire forearm tailored to convey reassurance and gravitas with that single contact: I am safe in competent hands.

“Please drop your envi.”

A simple request that causes me more discomfort than the fact I am about to have three decimillennia defragmented. When one lives forever, the little things become so tiresome: shower temperatures, seat posture preferences, tea flavours and strengths, they all take up time and matter. So we have attotech personal processors – envi – to carry those environment invariables and free our matter for living.

I drop my envi and feel a lack that I cannot name. Then a grey twisting streaks across my conscious, is gone, and I feel lighter. My envi restarts without prompting.

“Arise, Daniel Sixteen. You are cleared.”

Man’s technology has allowed him to live forever. In conjunction with the need to limit the number who are permitted to do so, there is a need for those of us who are permitted immortality to remain sane – some early horrors taught us that lesson well.

The postulated problems with memory turned into hard limitations until selective memory removal became a science, two centuries after its genesis in the torture chambers of MK-Ultra. Amnesia is not enough: an amnesiac has simply lost the way to a memory, not lost the memory itself. Brains have a finite capacity and only a limited way to tidy up – after all, organically we’re still designed for around a hundred years of thinking at most.

The memory removal process has retasked an old term, and ‘defragmentation’ is what immortals voluntarily undergo. Formative memories – the first four decades – are inviolate. Apart from that, you can choose what you keep: the Euphorics only retain joyous events, Glooms keep their disappointments close, Screamers retain extreme events, Horrors retain catastrophes, and so on. The gamut is similar to the old book and film genres, but since we can come back from anything bar a total brain incineration, we are our own entertainment. Vicarious pleasures are a thing of the past for the eternals, and those who do not qualify for immortality can watch us for their entertainment.

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Hey everyone! I’ve got some really cool news. Classic SFAM strips will be running over at GoComics every weekday, along with your favorite syndicated comics! Sign up for an account today and follow all your favorite comics all on one page.

The post The Licensor appeared first on Scenes From A Multiverse.

Yeah, this is the same guy who also did The Temple of Time and yes, it is similarly pretty. That’s Unreal Engine 4 for ya. Oh, and talent. Don’t forget talent.

Crafted by environment artist Michael Eurek (via DSOGaming), the map depicts Zora’s Domain from Zelda: Ocarina of Time, lovingly re-interpreted in UE4. There’s a flythrough vid and lots of screenshots below.

Original OoT screenshot via Zeldapedia.

Dayshot is an image-based feature that runs every morning, showcasing some of the prettiest, funniest game-related screenshots and art we can find. Send us suggestions if you’ve got them.

Questions? Comments? Contact the author of this post at andras-AT-kotaku-DOT-com.

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It was like a mirror world to YouTube comments, where several dozen anonymous people had come together in love and harmony to write a complex, logically coherent document, based on a single tweet.

Fan is a tool using animal. Maciej Cegłowski on what happened when fandom was forced to migrate from Delicious to Pinboard and he asked what his site could do better.

This absurd creation is what happens when you make a cartoon based entirely on random comments from YouTube.

The German language site GetDigital revealed that Getty Images demanded $868 in licensing fees for posting examples of Socially Awkward Penguin, claiming the stock photo agency held copyright on the meme’s original image.

This kid busts out some impressive moves while dancing to the DJ Casper remix of the “Cha-Cha Slide.”

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Author : Jae Miles, Staff Writer

My world is Kayden, and it is orbited by a plethora of satellites with deadly defensive natures that all look really pretty from the ground. In higher orbit, space stations and roving warships patrol like sharks at idle. No ship matches it’s fellows in anything bar a small, radiant ‘K’ sent into a single panel. It’s about the size of a human child’s handprint, and that’s deliberate, because it’s the same size as his handprint.

Kayden was born into a prosperous merchant family and was expected to eventually fulfil some minor role, being fourth son. He lived six years of privilege before the family fortunes took a tumble at the hands of greedy investors. It’s a tale told so many times since man left Earth, and identical in many ways to all the others. Except for the details. The particular detail that changed this universe was Kayden being sold by his mother. He brought in a lot of money. He was told it was his purpose, that he had done well. He smiled through the tears as his new owners closed the door.

What happened to Kayden in the intervening three years can only be suspected. When Vealoris, my great-grandfather, found him, he was vomiting parts of himself into the dust of the partially-terraformed planet that would eventually bear his name. Grandfather noted that he eased Kayden’s hurts as best he could, but the damage was too much for the wasted body. Barely three months after Nursery Guardian Vealoris found him again, Kayden went on to a place where children could never be chattels.

That is why grandfather bought this world. He specified the last terraforming stages, the fauna levels and hazard distribution. Then he started rescuing children. After a while, he extended that to unwanted companion fauna as well. He said that while this place existed, no child would be without a place to be safe and loved, among those who would understand without question. All that on a world that is best described as paradise. You can sleep under the stars for most of the year. Nothing native is dangerous to the waifs and strays from a galaxy of civilisations with ancient, common problems.

Some of those first generation rescues stayed on. Some went to the stars. A few made fortunes. That trend continued in the second generation, and so on. And it all comes back to Kayden.

Slavers and orbital pimps fear K-ships. Their crews are motivated in ways that nothing can deter. Former adoptees of Kayden can call on K-ships too. It makes their businesses damn-near bandit proof.

But there’s no empire building going on. We are a single, resilient network dedicated to a simple, too-often-neglected purpose. That is more than enough.

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The New York Times today has a truly bizarre article regarding the U.S. and cluster bombs. The advocacy group Cluster Munition Coalition just issued its annual report finding that cluster bombs had been used in five countries this year: Syria, Libya, Yemen, Ukraine and Sudan. This is what The Paper of Record, in its report by Rick Gladstone, said this morning about the international reaction to that report (emphasis added):

The use of these weapons was criticized by all 117 countries that have joined the treaty, which took effect five years ago. Their use was also criticized by a number of others, including the United States, that have not yet joined the treaty but have abided by its provisions.

As Americans, we should feel proud that our government, though refusing to sign the cluster ban treaty, has nonetheless “abided by its provisions” — if not for the fact that this claim is totally false. The U.S. has long been and remains one of the world’s most aggressive suppliers of cluster munitions, and has used those banned weapons itself in devastating ways.

In December 2009 — just weeks after he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize — President Obama ordered a cruise missile strike on al-Majala in southern Yemen. That strike “killed 35 women and children.” Among the munitions used in that strike were cluster bombs, including ones designed to scatter 166 “bomblets.”

Although the U.S. at first refused to confirm responsibility, a Yemeni journalist, Abdulelah Haider Shaye, visited the scene and found irrefutable proof that it was done by the U.S., a finding subsequently confirmed by Amnesty International as well as a cable released by WikiLeaks. As a result of Shaye’s reporting of U.S. responsibility, President Obama demanded that the Yemeni journalist be imprisoned and the Yemeni puppet regime complied; Amnesty’s Philip Luther said at the time that “there are strong indications that the charges against [Shaye] are trumped up and that he has been jailed solely for daring to speak out about U.S. collaboration in a cluster munitions attack which took place in Yemen.” So not only did Obama use cluster bombs against Yemeni civilians, but he then forced the imprisonment for years of the Yemeni journalist who reported it.

Five years later, Yemen is again being pummeled by cluster bombs. Human Rights Watch extensively documented last week that the “Saudi Arabia-led coalition forces appear to have used cluster munition rockets in at least seven attacks in Yemen’s northwestern Hajja governorate, killing and wounding dozens of civilians.” You’ll never guess where those cluster bombs came from: “Based on examination of remnants, Human Rights Watch identified the weapons used in all seven attacks as United States-made, ground-launched M26 cluster munition rockets.”

As Iona Craig reported for The Intercept this week from Yemen, “The American government has also supplied intelligence, in-flight refueling of fighter jets, and weapons [for the “Saudi-led” attack], including, according to rights organizations, banned U.S. cluster munitions.” Indeed, citing the Human Rights Watch findings, the New York Times itself reported in May that “the Saudi-led military coalition fighting a rebel group in Yemen has in the past few weeks used cluster munitions supplied by the United States.” The same article noted:

Both Saudi and American military forces have deployed cluster munitions in Yemen before the most recent conflict, according to human rights groups. In 2009, Saudi warplanes dropped cluster bombs during attacks on the Houthis in Saada, their home province.

The same year, United States naval forces fired one or more cruise missiles containing cluster munitions at a suspected Qaeda training camp in southern Yemen.

Reporting from Yemen for Rolling Stone in May, Matthieu Aikins described the ample evidence that U.S.-supplied cluster bombs are being used indiscriminately against civilians. Last month, Mother Jones’ Bryan Schatz wrote an excellent summary of all the ways the U.S. has been central to the horrific Saudi slaughter of Yemeni civilians, including the supplying of cluster munitions.

The U.S. has long been supplying cluster bombs to the Saudis. In August 2013, Foreign Policy noted a Defense Department press release proudly announcing that “the U.S. military [is] selling $640 million worth of American-made cluster bombs to Saudi Arabia, despite the near-universal revulsion at such weapons.” As the headline of a superb May 2014 Vice article succinctly put it: “U.S. Cluster Bombs Keep Killing Civilians in Yemen”; the on-the-scene reporters, Ben Anderson and Peter Salisbury, provided extensive video and first-hand witness evidence to prove the truth of that statement.

The U.S. use and supply of cluster bombs is long and ugly. In 2006, Israel used American-made cluster munitions to kill hundreds of civilians in Lebanon; Hezbollah reportedly fired them into Northern Israel. The NYT’s Gladstone himself, in a 2014 article, actually noted the massive Israeli usage, though omitted that the weapons came from the U.S.’s re-supplying of the Israeli stockpile (emphasis added):

Israel’s military was widely criticized at home and abroad for its heavy cluster-bomb use in Lebanon, dropping around 1,800 of them, containing more than 1.2 million bomblets, particularly in the final days of the 34-day conflict with Hezbollah. The Israeli newspaper Haaretz quoted a commander of the Israel Defense Forces as saying, “What we did was insane and monstrous, we covered entire towns in cluster bombs.”

In that article, designed to warn of the increasing usage of cluster bombs in Syria, Gladstone cryptically noted that “only three other countries have suffered cluster bomb casualties that exceed Syria’s: Laos at 4,837, Vietnam at 2,080, and Iraq at 2,989.” Gladstone coyly doesn’t say, but guess who dropped most of those?

In 2011, The Daily Beast’s Lionel Beehner was shocked by Hillary Clinton’s audacity in condemning Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi for using cluster bombs. He noted that the U.S. is “one of the world’s largest manufacturers of cluster bombs”; is “one of the few states, along with Libya, not to sign the 2008 Convention on Cluster Munitions”; that “American manufacturers love cluster bombs”; and that just “last year, the U.S. Air Force reportedly spent billions of dollars to purchase a batch of 4,600 cluster bombs from Textron, a New England-based arms manufacturer that also supplies munitions to Turkey, Oman and the United Arab Emirates.”

In 2009 and 2010, the Obama administration promulgated guidelines ostensibly to make their usage safer, including banning their sale starting in 2018 unless they have a dud rate of less than 1 percent (unexploded bombs pose massive risk to civilians, particularly children). But as Schatz detailed in a separate article in June, “Activists have reported finding more duds than allowed under the one-percent failure rate rule.” Ample evidence demonstrates these failures. Moreover, as Schatz reports:

The recent HRW reports also call [Textron’s] CBU-105’s performance into question. “What we’re seeing in Yemen is that they’re having trouble meeting this one percent criteria,” says [HRW’s Steve] Goose. “We have a photo with one of the canisters sitting on the ground with four skeets just sitting there. They never deployed.”

All of this makes the New York Times’ cluster bomb exoneration of the U.S. today nothing short of inexcusable. Under the treaty which The Paper of Record today claimed the U.S. honors, “States Parties may not stockpile cluster munitions, and must also destroy their existing stocks within eight years of joining.” The very first article of the Treaty states (emphasis added):

Each State Party undertakes never under any circumstances to: (a) Use cluster munitions; (b) Develop, produce, otherwise acquire, stockpile, retain or transfer to anyone, directly or indirectly, cluster munitions; (c) Assist, encourage or induce anyone to engage in any activity prohibited to a State Party under this Convention.

The U.S. does not occasionally violate one of those provisions. It continually violates all of them, systematically and as a matter of policy doing exactly that which the treaty expressly bans. For the NYT to tell its readers that the U.S. — one of the leading cluster bomb states on the planet — is actually one of the countries that “have not yet joined the treaty but have abided by its provisions” is nationalistic propaganda of the most extreme kind.

The post NYT Claims U.S. Abides by Cluster Bomb Treaty: The Exact Opposite of Reality appeared first on The Intercept.

When you start a new game of Metal Gear Solid V, it asks you for your birthday. There’s a reason for that—the game actually uses it in a pretty sweet way.

Obviously, if you don’t want to be spoiled on this, you should stop reading now!

abRobert has found that, if you happen to play Metal Gear Solid V on your birthday, you will at some point be greeted with this heartwarming scene:

Aww, Kojima. You shouldn’t have.

I love how paranoid Big Boss is. C’mon buddy, it’s just a surprise birthday bash!

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Marijuana is bad for you! That’s why it’s illegal. Don’t do it or bad things will happen. Bad things! Monsters, maybe. Or Santa Claus will die from disappointment. Anything could happen, really. You have been warned.

The post Reefer Badness Two: Revenge of the Reefer appeared first on Scenes From A Multiverse.

The National Onion Association — which is “the official organization representing growers, shippers, brokers, and commercial representatives of the U.S. onion industry” — wrote to government officials earlier this year to resolutely support Shell Oil’s bid to drill for oil in the remote wilderness of the Arctic.

The letter does not list any direct benefits for the onion industry. Almost all of the letter consists of language lifted directly from the Consumer Energy Alliance, an “astroturf” group funded by the oil industry, including Shell Oil. Consumer Energy Alliance is managed by HBW Resources, a lobbying firm that represents a drilling trade association that includes Shell Oil as a dues-paying member.

In August, after years of lobbying, Shell received a controversial permit from the Obama administration that allows the company to drill for oil and gas in the Arctic. The permit was approved after a final comment period in April that allowed the public to weigh in on the decision one last time.

Environmentalists and local communities sent in hundreds of letters and signed petitions, arguing that Shell is incapable of controlling a spill in a remote region of the world with limited infrastructure, which is known for stormy seas.

But the docket for public comment also features a few letters of support, including the letter from the National Onion Association, a group that is dedicated to reminding citizens that onions contribute “layers of flavor, color, and texture to a wide variety of dishes and cuisines.” Its website also provides many delicious-sounding recipes prominently featuring onions.

No one picked up the phone at the National Onion Association, nor did Executive Vice President Wayne Mininger, who signed the Arctic drilling letter, respond to a request for comment.

According to an online plagiarism tool, the National Onion Association’s pro-drilling letter is 78 percent identical to language from a Consumer Energy Alliance petition to support drilling in the Arctic. It appears the onion farmer letter only added a few non-substantial lines, such as: “On behalf of U.S. onion producers, shippers and allied industry …”

HBW Resources has helped to manufacture support for drilling initiatives in the past. Metadata from a letter signed by several governors associated with the Outer Continental Shelf Governors Association, which backs increased oil and gas drilling in the Atlantic Ocean, revealed HBW Resources had produced the documents. HBW and the Consumer Energy Alliance, using money from oil refiners and drilling companies, also helped create “grassroots” efforts to build public support for the Keystone XL pipeline.

The decision to open up the Arctic for drilling is receiving renewed attention this week as President Obama travels to Alaska, becoming the first sitting president to visit the Arctic Circle and witness the impacts of climate change.

The post Onion Farmers’ Support of Arctic Drilling Copies and Pastes Language From Oil Lobby Group appeared first on The Intercept.

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While you might think control is flat-lining in Standard right now, Ali refuses to let the archetype die. Inside he shows off three successful blue-based control lists that have performed well on Magic Online.

As more and more tinkerers and high-profile companies enter the hoverboard business, there are more and more answers to the question “what makes a hoverboard a hoverboard?” Exciting times to be alive.

Steam reviews are often quite funny! This time they might even be, dare I say, touching?

Originally, The Phantom Pain’s box art read “A Hideo Kojima Game” just like the previous Metal Gear Solid titles. But suddenly, it was removed, leaving people wondering if this decision was related to the rumored weirdness at Konami.

While the game’s promotional artwork no longer says “A Hideo Kojima Game,” Steam reviews sure as heck do. The “A Hideo Kojima Game” comment isn’t in every review, but it appears enough on Steam to be be noticeable.

Some people had fun with it.

Maybe too much fun.

Or would shoehorn in the phrase at the end.

Even people who didn’t recommend TPP had to admit: This is a Hideo Kojima Game.

And then, there were some choice hearts for Konami.

[Thanks everyone who sent this in!]

To contact the author of this post, write to bashcraftATkotaku.com or find him on Twitter@Brian_Ashcraft.

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After Jimmy Kimmel’s YouTube jab backfired on Friday, the clip’s YouTube page and Kimmel’s Twitter were hit hard with criticism, anger, and insults. Tonight, Kimmel took a moment to address these comments. He might have made things worse!

“This is the most disliked video we’ve ever posted to YouTube, and we’ve posted thousands of videos to YouTube,” the late-night host told the audience.

Kimmel then went through a laundry list of not-so-flattering comments to poke fun and make jokes. He’s a comedian. That’s what comedians do. Watch the clip below and decide if you think he did it well!

The way he seems to have made things worse was by inadvertently showing how out of touch he was with online culture. For example, when Kimmel was reading through one comment, he didn’t know what “smh” meant.

“What is smh?” Kimmel asked his audience.

“Shaking my head,” the audience replied.

“Oh,” Kimmel said. “Alright.”

Alright, indeed. At time of writing, the clip has 895 likes and 1,481 dislikes. Below, you can see some of the reaction to the clip:

Again, making fun of things is much easier when you know what you are talking about! But I do bet Conan or Jimmy Fallon could make smarter Let’s Play jokes.

To contact the author of this post, write to bashcraftATkotaku.com or find him on Twitter@Brian_Ashcraft.

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