Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just over an hour. You win this time, questionable pork souvlaki. FML

Comic URL: http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/1840/

NASA-NOAA's Suomi NPP satellite passed over Patricia early this morning and captured this image of the infrared emissions of the storm. (credit: NRL/NASA/NOAA)

The US' National Hurricane Center this morning declared that Hurricane Patricia has become the most powerful storm it has ever tracked, with winds exceeding 325 kilometers an hour (200mph). It is forecast to reach the coast of Mexico later today, with an impact that the NHC is calling "potentially catastrophic."

(The NHC is responsible for the entire North Atlantic, as well as the Eastern Pacific, so it has tracked a large number of storms.)

As of this morning, the hurricane was off the west coast of Mexico, heading north-northeast towards land. It's expected that the eye will reach land as a Category 5 storm somewhere between Puerto Vallarta and Ixtapa some time this afternoon.

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So you can road trip without going broke.

Anyone who has driven a car knows that gas = $$$.

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Saving a little bit here and there can really make a difference in the long term, especially if you drive a lot.

ABC

Google Maps released a cool update just for Android users: gas prices along your route.

Google said that it's rolling out the feature to Android phones over the next few weeks. No word on whether it's coming to iOS.

If you don't want to wait, you can download the APK Mirror. Just make sure you allow installs from external locations in Settings > Security.

google-latlong.blogspot.com

Just tap on a gas station name and Google Maps will re-route you. Now, you can optimize your trip for the cheapest, most convenient gas stops.

google-latlong.blogspot.com

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And they have been for quite some time.

The Wild West reputation of Texas has spread far and wide — so far, in fact, that apparently people in Norway use it as slang for "crazy."

Fox

The phrase "helt Texas" or “Det var helt Texas” loosely translates to "totally Texas" or "it was totally Texas." It's used to describe a situation, event, or outcome that was either wild, crazy, or outlandish.

Via vg.no

Texas Monthly was able to track down a Tumblr post that explains how the phrase is used in Norway.

And it's not a onetime thing. Several other instances of the phrase being used by Norwegians have surfaced.

reddit.com

A restaurant in Norway called Dolly Dimple's uses the phrase "helt Texas" in a video describing their "crazy" pizza deals. (The phrase can be seen in the background.)

vimeo.com

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Jurors took only 25 minutes to decide that the boy was not liable for his aunt suffering a broken wrist after the two fell during an excited hug, according to media reports.

Connell sued her nephew for $127,000 over events that occurred at his eighth birthday party four years ago, the Associated Press reported.

The child was the only defendant in the case, and he was accompanied to court by his father, according to the Connecticut Post. The boy's mother died last year.

Connell claimed that when she arrived at Sean's party in 2011, he was riding his new bicycle. And after seeing her, he exclaimed, "Auntie Jen, Auntie Jen," and jumped into her arms.

The encounter caused Connell to fall and break her wrist, according to the AP.

Connell, who does not have her own children, said that her injury made it difficult to get around Manhattan, where she lived. She said it also caused her other issues.

"I was at a party recently, and it was difficult to hold my hors d'oeuvre plate," she said, according to the newspaper.

However, jurors didn't agree and took only 25 minutes to rule in favor of Sean, the New York Daily News reported.

The boy's attorney, Thomas Noniewicz, told the New York Daily News that justice was served.

"Kids will be kids," Noniewicz told the newspaper. "He was an 8-year-old boy being an 8-year-old boy...Sean was not negligent."

Connell's lawyer William Beckert told the paper that his client didn't take pleasure in suing her nephew, but that he "should have known better."

"We have rules for children," he said. "He was not careful. He was unsafe."

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WASHINGTON—Following the announcement by Texas state officials to cut Medicaid funding for the nonprofit organization, Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards assured supporters Tuesday that it has plenty of fetus cash to keep going for a while. “While the decision by Texas to eliminate taxpayer funding for Planned Parenthood is unfortunate, I want everyone to know that we have an ample supply of sweet baby-organ cabbage to continue providing our services,” said Richards, adding that the reproductive and maternal health organization had enough fetal-tissue scratch to keep the doors open for the foreseeable future. “Lawmakers remain determined to deny reproductive health care to women in need, and if not for our golden baby-parts goose, they well may have succeeded. But rest assured that with our mad stacks of aborted-fetus bucks, the future of Planned Parenthood is as secure as ever.” Richards added that even as she was speaking, Planned Parenthood ...

Everything will be OK, just look at this post if you don’t believe me.

This is what baby red pandas look like when they get super excited:

youtube.com

Stephen Hawking made this amazing joke at John Oliver's expense:

John: "You've stated that you believe that there could be an infinite number of parallel universes. Does that mean there is a universe out there where I am smarter than you?"

Stephen: "Yes. And also a universe where you're funny."

HBO / Via imgur.com

And this is what happens when you let a corgi dig in the sand:

At least you're not this teacher:

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Today, at our wedding, instead of saying "I do", my fiancé paused before saying, "I can't do this", stepped down from the altar and proposed to my maid of honor. When she obviously refused, he ran from the venue bawling. He's not returning my calls. FML

You’ve gotta laugh to keep from crying.

Oof.

Twitter: @gentsbooks

Sorry Kanye.

thecardgameforhorriblepeople.tumblr.com

Yikes.

Twitter: @GEEK_FEST

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Twitter: @tropicalfruitbh

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As if you’ve been to space!

These dudes from history were actually pretty chill, if you get to know them blackout at a rager.

Homoerotic hugs for anyone who applies the theme to 62-Across:

Via giphy

Download the .puz here!

Download the .pdf here!

Elections Canada probably has better things to do, tbh.

Elections Canada says it won't fine or jail John Oliver for telling people not to vote for Stephen Harper today.

Oliver spent much of Sunday's Last Week Tonight talking about the Canadian election and why Americans should care about its outcome.

Oliver said Stephen Harper didn't deserve another term as prime minister, especially for "pandering to Islamophobes" with the fight over niqabs at citizenship ceremonies and the Barbaric Cultural Practices hotline.

HBO

He also made fun of the law barring foreigners from influencing how Canadians vote.

Section 331 of the Canada Elections Act says "no person who does not reside in Canada" can "in any way induce" a Canadian to "vote or refrain from voting for a particular candidate."

The law carries a maximum fine of $5,000 and six months jail time.

HBO

"If telling you not to vote for Stephen Harper is going to cost me $5,000, I'm gonna get my money's worth," he said.

Then he was joined on stage by a giant beaver, a moose getting a colonoscopy, and Mike Myers dressed as a Mountie before repeating that Canadians shouldn't vote for Stephen Harper's Conservatives.

HBO

On Monday, Elections Canada clarified that John Oliver was not in danger of spending six months in a Canadian jail.

The federal agency told The Canadian Press there's no law against foreigners expressing an opinion about Canadian politics.

"The expression of personal political views by Canadians or non-Canadians as to which parties or candidates they support is not an offence under the Act," Elections Canada spokesman John Enright said.

"This also applies to Mr. Oliver."

He said the most important part of the law was about "inducing" Canadians to vote a certain way.

"To induce there must be a tangible thing offered," Enright said. "A personal view is not inducement."

Ishmael N. Daro

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Know how you can spot a vegan? Read the comments on this post.

They’ll be the ones commenting on your status updates:

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They'll be the ones who will take any opportunity to let you know they're vegan:

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reddit.com

They'll be ones constantly scanning tumblr for mentions of "vegans":

reddit.com

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