SANTA CLARA, CA—Following persistent safety concerns regarding the playing surface throughout the regular season, the NFL made firm assurances Friday to both the Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers that the bottomless pit in the middle of the field at Levi’s Stadium will be fully repaired before Super Bowl 50. “The Super Bowl is the biggest sporting event in the world, and we are working closely with Levi’s Stadium to ensure that the turf’s bottomless pit will not be an issue come game time,” NFL field director Ed Mangan said of the 14-foot-diameter hole situated near the 40-yard line, adding that the risk of a player accidentally slipping and being lost forever in an infinite black void is “something the league takes very seriously.” “We certainly want to avoid another incident like the one earlier this season when [St. Louis Rams safety] T.J. McDonald fell into ...

TOLLAND, CT—Responding with lightning-quick reflexes to her dinner guest’s proposal, area mother Linda McGregor reportedly grabbed a 10-inch chef’s knife Thursday night and held it up to the throat of family friend Diane Wallace following her offer to help with the dishes. “Say one more thing about clearing the table or putting the dishes in the dishwasher, Diane, and I’ll gut you like a fish,” said the 56-year-old, intently staring into Wallace’s eyes as she pressed the blade just firmly enough against the woman’s neck for it to draw a single bead of blood. “Pour yourself another glass of red wine and just forget all about these dirty plates, the used silverware, or any of the pots and pans. Because if you even so much as step foot in the kitchen while I’m cleaning up, the next thing you’ll see—the last ...

Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost baggage and asked me to file a claim for reimbursement. My bag had $2000 worth of dental instruments, which I won't get any compensation for since the airline doesn't take any liability for valuable items. FML

As well as anyone could take a dildo in the face.

Here is New Zealand's Economic Development Minister Steven Joyce during a press conference. He's speaking on behalf of NZ Prime Minister John Key in Waitangi.

Waitangi is the traditional place of celebration for New Zealand’s national day which takes place annually on February 6 and marks the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi. The treaty, which heralded a declaration of British sovereignty over New Zealand, was signed by representatives of the British Crown and a group of northern chiefs in 1840. Waitangi Day has since become contentious for some Māori, and since 1971 people have protested against race relations within New Zealand, as well as the loss of Māori land.

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So Joyce is discussing things with the press when a protestor arrives and picks a very unique way to show their disapproval: throwing a big ol' dildo at his face.

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Notice the woman in the centre of the frame. She has seen the dildo being thrown. She is confused. No one is sure of what's happening yet.

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Today, I shared with my doctor that I still feel uncomfortable with my medication. She expressed surprise, saying, "Really? By now I would've thought it'd be routine." Sorry, no. In three months, I have not gotten used to sticking a syringe up my butt and injecting my rectum full of medicated foam. FML

“Put it back on.”

When Daniel Tallman married his wife Amanda in 2011, he picked a handsome tungsten wedding ring to seal their commitment.

A nice, thick band, a diagonal stripe of diamonds, all very sleek and modern. Well done, Daniel!

Daniel Tallman

Daniel saw her hand over the note, but, "I didn't think too much of it," he told BuzzFeed.

Turns out, Amanda's request was this ?amazing? inscription.

"Put it back on," it says. When Daniel tried on his finished ring just before their wedding, he was totally surprised to see what his wife had done.

Daniel Tallman

Luckily, Daniel loved it. "That summarizes Amanda in a nutshell," Daniel said of the engraving. "We have a very fun and humorous relationship."

"It makes marriage so much more enjoyable for us. We're often told by our friends that they hope to have a marriage as we do some day. I take great pride in that and we feel it's the greatest compliment that can be given about marriage."

Daniel Tallman

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RIP mouse.

A freshly dead mouse has been found inside a mousetrap so old it is literally a museum exhibit.

It was not baited. Obviously.

Museum of English Rural Life, University of Reading / Via blogs.reading.ac.uk

The mouse snuck past security, exterior doors, and thousands of objects in the museum, before it found the one thing that was designed to kill it 155 years ago. It then squeezed between the bars and died.

Museum of English Rural Life, University of Reading / Via blogs.reading.ac.uk

According to an email from the assistant curator to staff at The Museum of Rural Life at the University of Reading, the dead mouse “was not described as being there on the database” in the listing description for the long-retired trap.

The museum isn’t sure what to do with it. One option is to have it taxidermied and added as a permanent fixture to the mousetrap display. The other, a dignified burial.

Museum of English Rural Life, University of Reading / Via blogs.reading.ac.uk

If we could interview the mouse and ask him why he did it, we would probably learn the meaning of life. But we soldier on into the void, ever clueless.

Museum of English Rural Life, University of Reading / Via blogs.reading.ac.uk

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New York City's Flatiron District is pure chaos. As I peer around the corner of a skyscraper, automatic rifle in hand, all I see are abandoned cars and people shouting in the streets. I'm not alone, though: I'm with three comrades prepared to shoot a...

Today, while I was taking a shit, a guy went into the next stall and narrated what he was doing in song. I'm still traumatized by his lyrics. FML

Germany just took fusion power one big, important step forward. The country's Max Planck Institute for Plasma Physics has just switched on Wendelstein 7-X, the first large fusion reactor based on a twisty stellarator design. It's only producing hydro...

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You do you, kid.

Labor MP Andrew Leigh is a Canberra-based politician who has sent out this adorable Christmas card with his family.

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But one Leigh-child wants none of this Christmas bullshit.

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This is all of us.

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We've all been there. Cheer for him.... the true spirit of Christmas!

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Go with your instinct.

If enough time has passed for you to be comfortable calling the network "Syfy," perhaps you'll check out its new TV show. The Expanse is based on a popular series of novels by the same name, following a detective and a ship's captain pursuing the c...

SALISBURY, MD—Repeating identical comments he had made in June, July, August, September, and twice in November, increasingly nervous local man Aaron Howe responded to Donald Trump’s call to ban Muslims from entering the U.S. Monday by once again stating this would be the end of the Republican frontrunner’s campaign, sources confirmed. “Well, that’s it—you just can’t say those kinds of things and expect to be taken seriously any longer,” said an anxious Howe, his voice quavering slightly as he spoke aloud the very same words he had previously uttered in reaction to remarks about Mexicans, women, the disabled, former POW John McCain, and a number of other targeted parties. “That’s the final nail in the coffin right there. There’s no way he’s coming back from this one.” At press time, a visibly tense Howe was steadily amassing the angst and ...

Today, I found out that my tax filing status was never changed after my divorce. This means I haven't been paying enough and now the government wants its money. FML

The rumors were true. Keyboard app developer SwiftKey has been swooped up by Microsoft for an undisclosed fee. The company stresses its apps will "continue to be available on Android and iOS," although as we've seen with Microsoft's other acquisition...

Porsche might be embracing electric cars and hybrids, but it's not about to welcome autonomous driving tech with open arms. Company chief Oliver Blume has utterly rejected the prospect of a self-driving Porsche, arguing that its owners are the sort w...

The pain in Spain falls mainly on the…prime minister.

Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy is just a few days away from a general election.

Miguel Riopa / AFP / Getty Images

During a campaign stop in the northwest city of Pontevedra Wednesday evening, this happened...

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A 17-year-old boy standing next to the P.M. clocked him right in the face.

S. Mosteiro / Via youtube.com

A witness told the newspaper the teen approached the leader and put his hand on Rajoy's shoulder, seemingly to take a photo, when he suddenly decked him.

The prime minister's security detail quickly subdued the teen, although he reportedly landed a blow on one of them too.

"I'm very happy I did it," the teen reportedly told police.

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Forget anti-drone drones, one of nature's most majestic hunters may soon play a valuable role in taking down dangerous UAVs. As part of a new trial, the Dutch National Police force has begun training eagles to intercept troublesome drones during an e...

Imagine looking up at the Northern Lights from a cozy hotel room 250 km above the Arctic Circle.

quantumglass.com

Glass igloo provides an one of a kind opportunity to admire the northern lights and millions of stars of the crystal clear sky in a comfortable room temperature. Built from a special thermal glass the temperature inside the igloo always stays a normal level. It also prevents the glass from not getting white frosted, hence keeping the view clear even when the temperature outside drops to under -30°C. Every igloo is equipped with a toilet and luxury beds.

Via kakslauttanen.fi

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Finally answer that question that’s been tormenting you deep inside for so long: what would you name your 2000s emo band?

Andrea Hickey / BuzzFeed / Thinkstock

Snapchat has had features like live video calls for a while, but you almost wouldn't know it from the interface -- it's still built around those one-at-a-time photo and video messages. However, there are hints that Snapchat is giving its design a mu...

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He regrets nothing.

An Ontario man running for office legally changed his name to give voters the option of "None of the above" on their ballots.

Sheldon Bergson paid $137 to change his name to Above Znoneofthe and is running as an independent in the provincial byelection in Whitby-Oshawa.

The 46-year-old from Thornhill told BuzzFeed Canada he started his name change in hopes of getting on the ballot during the last federal election but missed the window.

“And then the byelection popped up and I thought I might as well get some use out of it,” Bergson said. (He still goes by his birth name for the most part.)

Sheldon Bergson a.k.a. Above Znoneofthe

"I would have liked it better [the other way] but I'm still getting their attention and people are noticing it," he said.

Candidates will be listed alphabetically by last name, so the "Z" in his last name still puts him at the bottom of the list of candidates. His campaign slogan of "Scraping the bottom of the ballot" still applies.

There's one more complication: There's already a "none of the above" option in the Whitby-Oshawa byelection: Greg Vezina, the leader of the None Of The Above party.

Vezina told BuzzFeed Canada it's "fantastic" there will be two such options for voters, and he said he respects Bergson's commitment.

“It took huge balls for the guy to do what he did. I admire it."

Twitter: @GregVezina

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Let 50 Shades of Black star Marlon Wayans take a crack at figuring out your sexual past.

Taylor Miller / Chris Ritter / BuzzFeed

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OMG Kylo 4EVER.

This is Florida Police Officer Marcus Montgomery and his new BFF, Kylo. HOW EFFING CUTE ARE THEY.

Marcus Montgomery

Montgomery met the totally adorable Kylo when he was on a routine call to the Panhandle Animal Welfare Society, or PAWS.

Marcus Montgomery

Montgomery, an officer who serves in Fort Walton Beach, said he was sent to the center over a situation with a former employee.

"We spoke for about 20 minutes and I was wrapping up my investigation," he told BuzzFeed. "One of the supervisors left, and while I was still speaking to the director of PAWS, the supervisor came back in with this little puppy in her hands. You could tell he'd been sleeping because his eyes were heavy and he was yawning constantly."

Montgomery said he "immediately" asked to hold the puppy.

"[The employee] went on to tell me that one of the cat adoption associates had come into the building and was hearing a noise from the back of the building," he said. "She walked out the back door and saw a box, with Kylo, sitting inside the box by himself, crying. Originally, I was told he was in the box with other puppies, but I later found out that it was just him."

As soon as he met Kylo, Montgomery knew he had to have him.

Marcus Montgomery

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