Philip.paulssonLove that first gif. It's me every time I cook bacon on a sunday morning and forget I should really be wearing a t-shirt.
Tell us what speedy product you own actually motivates you to cook.
E! / Via giphy.com
Like this gross but satisfying tool that cooks eggs for you.
Philip.paulssonLOL farts.
(credit: Getty | CHRISTOPHE SIMON )
The outdoor Olympic diving pool, which turned a startling shade of green Tuesday, is now closed. It reportedly smells like farts and may be causing eye itchiness among athletes.
Since Tuesday, Olympic organizers have repeatedly assured athletes and fans that the pool is safe and that the situation was under control. Rio organizing committee spokesman Mario Andrada told reporters on Wednesday that “the pool should go back to its classic blue color during the day.”
The Maria Lenk Aquatics Stadium in Rio de Janeiro on August 9, 2016. A diving event at the Rio 2016 Olympics (Women's Synchronized 10m Platform Final) is about to start. (credit: Getty | AFP / Odd ANDERSE)
That clearly didn’t happen. Instead, reports trickled in that the adjacent pool used for water polo and synchronized swimming also began to turn green.
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Philip.paulssonI frickin' love the Olympics.
I’m not crying, you are. No I lied. I am crying. A lot.
Patrick Smith / Getty Images
Ian Walton / Getty Images
"I went down, and was like, 'What's happening? Why am I on the ground?'" She said. "Then suddenly this hand on my shoulder, like 'Get up, get up, we have to finish this,' and I said, 'Yup, yup, you're right. This is the Olympic Games. We have to finish this. I'm so grateful for Abbey for doing that for me."
Ian Walton / Getty Images
Paul Gilham / Getty Images
Philip.paulssonLOL @ #8!
It’s everywhere.
Philip.paulssonWhat was she doing at his house when he was away?
Today, my boyfriend came home from a trip early without telling me. When I got to his house and saw his car there, I texted him and said, "Oh you asshole". About five minutes later, I got a text from my boss asking if that text was for him. FML
Philip.paulssonHahah
Philip.paulssonHehe
Philip.paulssonIt looks like they had to duct-tape it together..
The F-35 Lightning II has faced more than a few technical problems and cost overruns in the 15 years since Lockheed Martin first won its production contract, but it's nearly done overcoming those hurdles. The US Air Force has declared that the F-35A...
Philip.paulssonNice. Now get to Mars already, Elon!
(credit: SpaceX)
1:00am CT Sunday update: Just as its launch window opened early on Sunday morning, SpaceX's Falcon 9 rocket launched from Florida and carried ts JCSAT-16 communications satellite payload into space. About 30 minutes later the rocket's second stage successfully deployed the satellite in its high geostationary transfer orbit, completing its mission.
Meanwhile, the company did equally well with the experimental landing of its first stage booster about 9 minutes after launch. After deploying the second stage, three of the rocket's Merlin engines performed a re-entry burn, guiding the booster back toward Earth. And as the commentators for the SpaceX launch advised viewers to look up the Tsiolkovsky rocket equation for "more on the mathematics" behind the energies of such a landing, the rocket itself came to a stop atop a drone ship in the Atlantic Ocean.
It marked the company's fourth water-based landing out of five tries, suggesting that SpaceX is getting pretty darn good at these things.
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Philip.paulssonI'll take two.
Seagate has unveiled the world's largest SSD: a 60-terabyte monster. Pricing isn't available, but the company says the drive will provide "the lowest cost per gigabyte for flash" memory today.
The 60TB SSD was unveiled at the Flash Memory Summit in California—the same location that Samsung chose to reveal its 15.36TB SSD last year, which at the time was the world's largest hard drive.
The two drives aren't directly comparable, though, as the Samsung unit is a standard-size 2.5-inch SSD and the new Seagate drive uses the 3.5-inch hard drive form factor. Despite that, Seagate still claims that its drive has "twice the density" of Samsung's. I don't think the maths quite work out, considering a 3.5-inch drive has a far greater volume than a 2.5-inch drive, but Seagate is probably referring to the density of the memory chips themselves. Moore's law is still alive and kicking for NAND, apparently.
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Philip.paulssonHahahah
Years of training allow Olympic archer Sarah Voegel to somehow resist shooting arrows at fans, stadium ushers, or birds flying overhead.
Philip.paulssonCool.
The standard story of how humans arrived in the Americas is that they marched 1,500km across the Bering Land Bridge, a now-vanished landmass between Siberia and Northern Canada that emerged roughly 15,000 years ago in the wake of the last ice age. But for the past decade, evidence has been piling up that humans arrived in the Americas by traveling in boats along the Pacific coast. Some 14,000-year-old campsites like Oregon's Paisley Caves have been found near rivers that meet the Pacific, suggesting that early humans came inland from the coast along these waterways. Now, a new study published in Nature provides more solid evidence the first humans to reach the Americas could not have come via the Bering Land Bridge.
A group of geoscientists, anthropologists, and biologists led a massive effort to study the "ice free corridor," an environment in Northern Canada near the Bering Land Bridge, when humans were supposedly crossing it 15,000 years ago. They used a common method for sampling ancient environments called coring. Using hollow tubes, they drilled deep into the sediment at the bottom of two frozen lakes in British Columbia, looking for fossils of plant and animal life from the era when humans could have crossed the Land Bridge. They picked these two specific lakes—Charlie Lake and Spring Lake, to be exact—because they were in the ice free corridor, a passageway into the Americas where the last remaining ice sheets melted. The very first humans to pass into the Americas would have had to cross through this area.
Carefully analyzing the layers of sediment, the researchers were able to determine what kind of life inhabited the region. Radiocarbon dating allowed them to recreate a timeline for the ancient ecosystem there, too. In their paper, the researchers write:
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Philip.paulssonUmmmm duh.
Everything you know is a lie.
BuzzFeed
Philip.paulssonLOL
Today, the VP of my company stopped by my desk to personally deliver praise on my recent performance. I watched in helpless horror as the noxious fart I had just released slapped him in the face. He was too polite to leave but gagged through his entire speech. If farts can kill careers... FML
Philip.paulssonLOL
LONDON—Cringing at the mere thought of the ceremonial rite she would have to perform, Queen Elizabeth II told reporters Thursday she hopes to die before having to knight any DJs. “God willing, I’ll pass away long before I’m ever called upon to bestow an honorary knighthood on Calvin Harris or Grooverider,” said the queen, adding that she would rather be entombed in the royal burial grounds than endure a ceremony in which she grants the highest honor in the British Empire to any club DJ in recognition of their contributions to dubstep, electro house, big beat, trip-hop, dance pop, or nu-funk. “It’s only a matter of time before the requests to knight all these trance and rave DJs start pouring in. I just pray I’m a goner and worms are eating away at my decaying corpse, because there’s simply no way I’m saying ...
Philip.paulssonHeh
RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium. “All right, Michael, go get ’em, son!” said Poseidon, who reportedly caused the arena’s windows to rattle and walls to shake as he bellowed and clapped with approval while Phelps stretched next to the pool. “Everybody, that’s my son out there! I love you, Mikey!” Sources confirmed Phelps appeared crestfallen after turning to acknowledge his father before realizing that the King of the Deep had instigated a fight with the parents of Italian swimmer Federico Turrini and impaled the couple on his trident.
Philip.paulssonThat's a pretty hardcore drinking game.
Get a gold medal in sipping.
And everyone knows everything gets better with a BEVERAGE, so why not play a drinking game while kicking off the Games?
College Humor
Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed / Via Andy Lyons / Ezra Shaw / Tom Pennington / Patrick Smith / Wagner Meier / Ronald Martinez
But DO please drink responsibly.
anchoredbarbie.tumblr.com / Via viraltemperature.com
The Opening Ceremony begins Friday, Aug. 5, at 7:30 p.m. ET/6:30 CT on NBC. Click here for more Olympics content!
Mollie Shafer-Schweig / Via BuzzFeed
Philip.paulssonTIL "Hurricane" Sandy wasn't actually a hurricane when it made landfall in NJ/NY. Was just a tropical storm by that point.
Hurricane Earl on Wednesday, shortly before it made landfall in Belize. (credit: NOAA)
On Thursday some meteorologists (who are by nature a cheesy lot) had an opportunity to channel their inner Dixie Chick and sing "Goodbye Earl" as yet another hurricane went into the Yucatan Peninsula to die. Most of the rest of the United States yawned—another hurricane in the Atlantic, and no harm done.
But the hurricane was remarkable precisely because of this. Earl, which attained a maximum wind speed of 80 mph before striking Belize, marked another in a long line of hurricanes that have formed in the Atlantic basin—the Atlantic Ocean, Caribbean Sea, and Gulf of Mexico—but have not affected the United States.
Consider some of the following statistics: the last hurricane to reach the Gulf of Mexico was Ingrid in September, 2013. The current, nearly three-year-long drought for the Gulf has not been equaled since at least 1851. The drought in hurricanes that make Florida landfalls is even more pronounced. The Sunshine State, which juts into the Atlantic Ocean like a lightning rod for tropical weather, has not been hit by a hurricane since Wilma (2005). Earl was in fact the 67th Atlantic hurricane in a row to not make landfall in Florida, according to hurricane scientist Phil Klotzbach. The previous record was a mere 33 hurricanes, a streak between Hurricanes David (1979) and Elena (1985).
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Philip.paulssonWoohoo Sweden silver medal!
I’m not crying. You’re crying.
Abbott led the pack up one of the course's hardest climbs, Vista Chinesa, during the almost four-hour race. She watched as Dutch rider Annemie van Vleuten suffered a horrific crash on the downhill, then pushed ahead.
Bryn Lennon / Getty Images
The Netherlands' Anna van der Breggen, Sweden's Emma Johansson, and Italy's Elisa Longo Borghini drafted behind each other until they were eventually able to pass Abbott on the turn.
NBC
:HEARTS BREAKING ACROSS AMERICA:
NBC
Philip.paulssonLOL
ATLANTA—In an unprecedented warning to the U.S. populace, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Monday that scientists had discovered the first known case of an individual contracting the Zika virus directly from a news article on the infectious disease. “Until now, we had believed Zika was only spread through mosquito bites and sexual contact, but we have determined that the infection can also be transmitted via exposure to media coverage of the epidemic,” said CDC spokesman Jason Crank, referring to a woman in Waverly, NE who reportedly tested positive for the virus after following an internet link to a news story on the latest Zika outbreak in the continental United States. “To prevent further spread of the disease, we recommend individuals avoid reading any part of any article on the subject, as the CDC believes Zika can be transmitted by a single paragraph, or, in some ...
Philip.paulssonLOL
RIO DE JANEIRO—Looking around at one another with a mix of dismay and confusion while continuing their choreography, performers at Maracanã Stadium frantically attempted to incorporate a ruptured, spewing sewage pipe into the Rio Olympics opening ceremony Friday. “We knew billions of people around the world were watching, so once we saw that pipe burst, we just started making up a routine around it,” said 24-year-old Maria Santos, one of dozens of samba dancers who sashayed around the pipe and performed sultry hip movements while their elaborate feathered costumes were drenched in a torrent of human excrement. “It wasn’t easy, especially pretending like some of the dancers vomiting was part of the show. But once we all got our kicks in sync to the beat of the pipe spurting a mix of urine and shit, everything came together pretty well.” At press time, Games organizers were trying to ...
Philip.paulssonLOL
Philip.paulssonHaha ouch.
Today, my current wife left me for my ex-wife. FML
Philip.paulssonLOL
WASHINGTON—Ahead of the highly anticipated Summer Olympics in Rio, millions of weary and emotionally exhausted Americans expressed excitement Friday at getting the chance to watch the socio-political failings of another country for two weeks. “After spending pretty much every day being confronted by growing income inequality and political corruption here at home, it’ll be kind of nice to turn on the TV and watch another country fall apart at the seams for a little while,” said 36-year-old Philadelphia resident Greg Thatcher, echoing the sentiments of Americans across the country who confirmed that they are looking forward to the next 16 days of viewing a different nation crippled by failing schools, inadequate health care, and a crumbling transportation infrastructure. “Seeing the U.K. collapse in on itself from inept leadership and government infighting was nice, but that only lasted for a few days. Now, we have a good two ...
