"Donald Trump is a big, angry baby with a fragile ego and tiny hands," the people behind the crowdfunder said.

Philip.paulssonLOL nice

Philip.paulssonNice.

Messages.android.com works now, but you'll need the phone app to get the feature, too. (credit: Google)
Android's default messaging client for 2018—"Messages"—is getting a Web client today. Google announced the feature launch on the official Google blog, which says "Messages for Web" will roll out to everyone over the next week. Android Messages started as a simple SMS app, but, with the Web client, it is turning into Google's ninth messaging service after (deep breath) Google Talk, Google Voice, Buzz, Google+ Messenger, Hangouts, Spaces, Allo, and the Slack-like Hangouts Chat.
We first heard about Messages for Web two months ago when it was announced that Google messaging service #7—Google Allo—was going to be abandoned after just a year and a half after launch. With Allo dead, the team moved over to Android Messages to focus on beefing up the app with some of the better Allo features, like this Web interface. Since Android Messages is just an SMS/RCS app, this meant Google would essentially cede control of Android messaging to the cell carriers and give up on building an over-the-top messaging service.
The website for Android Messages, Messages.android.com, is out today, and if the corresponding server-side update is live for your phone app, you'll be able to tap on the menu button in Messages and open "Messages for Web." Just like Google Allo, Android Messages bizarrely uses a QR-code based login system instead of your Google account, which comes with the major downside of only being able to log into one computer at a time. It's tied to your phone number, so you'd better keep ahold of those 10 digits if you switch carriers. You also can't use it if your phone is dead, since you won't be able to log in.
Philip.paulssonHehe

MOSCOW—Lamenting that his fitness goals would now be thrown off for the rest of the World Cup, Argentinian forward Lionel Messi was reportedly pissed off Saturday after forgetting to wear his Fitbit watch during a group stage match against Iceland. “Shit. Of course the one time I leave it in the locker room, I go out…
Philip.paulssonNice
Philip.paulssonLOL
Philip.paulssonDo you think the US men's team will even be in it?
Philip.paulssonLOL
Philip.paulssonI LOLed at the click thru.

In order to comply with the Presidential Records Act, White House staffers have been forced to sort through papers compulsively ripped apart by Trump and taped them back together. What do you think?
Philip.paulssonGreat little game, looking forward to #2!
If you're looking for a healthy serving of culinary fun on Nintendo Switch, you'll soon have your chance. During today's Nintendo Direct for E3, the company announced that Ghost Town Games' Overcooked 2 will arrive on the console August 7th. When it...
Philip.paulssonLOL

SINGAPORE—Saying the agreement represents a major high point in American international relations, President Trump concluded his summit with Kim Jong-un Monday by securing a $10 billion trade deal to sell both strategic and tactical nuclear warheads directly to North Korea. “There was some negotiating involved in…
Philip.paulssonLOL
Philip.paulssonHah

MENLO PARK, CA—In an effort to demonstrate the social media platform’s total commitment to profits, Mark Zuckerberg took to his personal Facebook page Thursday to promise that the company’s misuse of personal data will, as of now, happen again and again. “We have a responsibility to our users, and if we can’t…
Philip.paulssonHeh

NEW YORK—Describing the pathetic manner in which the North Korean dictator debased himself while pleading for a meeting with President Trump, Rudy Giuliani claimed Thursday that Kim Jong-un begged like a has-been-politician-turned-hack-attorney trying to get a job at the White House. “He groveled like a washed-up…
Philip.paulssonLOL

ELMONT, NY—After weeks of trading insults and mounting animosity between the 3-year-old colts, the weigh-in for the Belmont Stakes erupted into an all-out brawl Saturday as Justify and Bravazo exchanged blows on the stage. “As soon as they hit the scales, the horses were in each others’ faces snorting, stomping, and…
Philip.paulssonHeh
Philip.paulssonOh man, sometimes the Onion is too on point...

BALTIMORE—In response to a number of disturbing incidents occurring in the area, civil rights organization NAACP issued a travel advisory Thursday warning black Americans to exercise extreme caution when visiting their own backyards. “We urge African Americans to be very careful and vigilant when venturing out onto…
Philip.paulssonLOL
Philip.paulssonuh uh

Here’s some major health news that is totally going to change the way we think about the human body: A group of medical researchers just announced that a 400-pound child simply ain’t right.
Philip.paulssonNice. It's SO HARD to avoid...

Philip.paulssonLOL
Philip.paulsson@none this is the beach we went to. Luckily we got there early, but it was super crowded when we left.

Philip.paulssonLOL
Philip.paulssonYAAAAASSSSSSSS!!!

Enlarge / Martian Marine Bobbie Draper and her team get ready for action. (credit: Rafy/Syfy)
Amazon will become the home of The Expanse's fourth season, after cable network Syfy announced that it would not air any episodes after the conclusion of season three. The third season will continue airing on Syfy, but the series will become an Amazon Original in the United States for season four.
The news was announced by Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos himself at the National Space Society’s International Space Development Conference in Los Angeles, with cast members of The Expanse present. A session on The Expanse had taken place at the same conference earlier that day.
Last week, news hit that Bezos was a big fan of the series and that he was seeking a deal to save it. However, it was not a done deal at that time. The Expanse is produced fully by a company called Alcon Entertainment, but the show's continued production was dependent on Syfy's deal to air the show on cable. However, for myriad reasons, Syfy is locked in a strategy focused on traditional OTA (over-the-air) viewing—a mismatch with the genre's audience. The cable station also did not have the OTT rights to stream The Expanse on digital platforms. Amazon streamed the program in the United States some time after air, whereas Netflix streamed the program in some other regions.
Philip.paulssonThese are awesome. #7 has the best soup dumplings you'll ever have. And #25 is pretty funny.
People walk along a high cliff wall on a glass-floored sightseeing walkway in Zhangjiajie, Hunan Province, China, on August 1, 2016. #
Reuters
An aerial drone view of trees with fall foliage along a small lake in Nanjing, China. #
Yaorusheng / Getty
A section of the Great Wall near Beijing in winter. #
Zhao Zhenhao / Getty
A suburban neighborhood in Wuhan, Hubei, China, viewed on March 11, 2016. #
Jie Zhao / Corbis via Getty
A flock of sheep in Inner Mongolia's Gobi Desert on July 21, 2016. #
Patrick Baz / AFP / Getty
Longyin Temple, overlooking the Shunan Bamboo Sea in Yibin, Sichuan Province, China. #
Eastimages / Getty
Looking down on Shanghai's Yu Yuan garden after a snowfall. #
Danny Hu / Getty
A lotus field in Quzhou, Zhejiang Province, China, photographed on July 9, 2016. #
Reuters
Terraced fields near Tiger-Mouth Village, Yuanyang, Yun'nan, China. #
Poorfish / Getty
Looking down on part of Hong Kong, near Victoria Peak. #
Pa_Yon / Getty
Nanpu Bridge in Shanghai. #
Yibo Wang / Shutterstock
Piles of unused shared bicycles which were collected by police after they blocked pathways, stand abandoned in a field in Hangzhou, Zhejiang province, on June 28, 2017. #
AFP / Getty
Solar panels cover south-facing hillsides in a part of rural China. #
Xieyuliang / Shutterstock
Putuo Dao Island Temple on Erhai Lake in Dali, Yunnan Province. #
Stanley Chen Xi / Getty
An aerial view of Shanghai Pentagonal Mart in Huinan Town of Pudong District in Shanghai. This pentagonal marketplace, resembling the Pentagon in the U.S., became the largest vacant building in Shanghai in January of 2016. Completed in 2009 with a total area of about 500,000 square meters, the Shanghai Pentagonal Mart was left vacant because of its location and confusing inner structures. #
VCG via Getty
Dunes in the Gobi Desert in northwestern China, photographed on July 18, 2016. #
Patrick Baz / AFP / Getty
The largest Miao village in Guizhou, home to about 1,000 families. #
Eastimages / Getty
Employees work at a vinegar and soy sauce mill in Zhenjiang, Jiangsu province, on January 26, 2016. #
Reuters
Rapeseed in bloom in Yunnan Province. #
Cnyy / Shutterstock
A forest seen from above after snowfall in Xi'an, Shaanxi province, on January 31, 2016. #
Reuters
Jiangcun market in Xixi National Wetland Park in Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province. #
HelloRF Zcool / Shutterstock
A high-speed train travels through Anshun in southwest China's Guizhou province on March 16, 2017. #
AFP / Getty
A residential area in Shanghai. #
HelloRF Zcool / Shutterstock
An aerial view of a frozen lake near Zhangjiakou in Hebei Province, northern China. #
Zhao Zhenhao / Getty
The Emperors Yan and Huang memorial in Henan Province. At 348 feet tall (106 meters), the statues were purposely built larger than Mount Rushmore. #
Barry Kusuma / Getty
People perform Tai Chi as part of a National Fitness Day event in Rongan in China's southwestern Guizhou province on August 8, 2017. #
AFP / Getty
Mountains in the Gobi Desert in northwestern China on July 18, 2016. #
Patrick Baz / AFP / Getty
Curved flyovers and multi-lane highways intersect in Shanghai. #
Danny Hu / Getty
Chinese fishermen draw a net as they catch fish in Qiandao Lake in Zhejiang province on March 29, 2018. #
Johannes Eisele / AFP / Getty
Aerial view of the Jiankou Great Wall on February 23, 2017, near Beijing, China. #
Xiaolu Chu / Getty
Green rice terraces viewed in the morning in Guizhou Province. #
Eastimages / Getty
This September 24, 2016, photo shows the 500-meter Aperture Spherical Radio Telescope (FAST) in Pingtang, Guizhou Province. FAST is currently undergoing testing. #
AFP / Getty
A twisting mountain road in China's Xinjiang Uygur Autonomous Region. #
Danny Hu / Getty
Aerial view of the Li River on a hazy day. #
Yibo Wang / Shutterstock
Fields are carved into the shape of a giant Bagua (eight trigrams) at Pipa Village in Zunyi, Guizhou Province, on March 27, 2017. The giant Bagua measures over 300 acres and was built by villagers of Pipa in less than eight months. The tourist attraction consists of sorghum, rape flowers, plum trees, and peach trees. #
VCG via Getty
Fall colors in trees lining the waters edge in a small lake near Nanjing, China. #
Yaorusheng / Getty
Zhangjiajie National Forest Park. #
Tonnaja / Getty
Philip.paulssonUhhhh duh? Don't eat toothpaste or hand sanitizer, kids.
Philip.paulssonLOL

WASHINGTON—Following months of bruising criticism from Democrats and President Trump alike, an inconsolable Jeff Sessions was reportedly trying to commit suicide Thursday by smoking a joint. “I swore I’d never take the coward’s way out, but what choice do I have?” said a teary-eyed Sessions, carefully laying a sealed…
Philip.paulssonThose SNL dudes are doing well... Jost is dating Scarjo, too. ScarJost?
Philip.paulssonHah!

BERLIN—Leaping at the chance to never again deal with the U.S. after North Korea’s disparaging remarks towards the vice president, leaders from the other 193 nations of the world began insulting Mike Pence Thursday in hopes of avoiding future meetings with President Donald Trump. “Mike Pence is just a dumbfuck…