Matt.weiland

After years of crunching numbers and writing equations out on library windows in white grease pencil, one brilliant minded reddit reader has finally debunked the pizza math from Home Alone. Finally.

(Click image to enlarge.)

Obviously, this is powerful stuff to which we can no longer afford to turn our blind eyes. My only hope is that the nefarious fat cats in Big Pizza don’t turn this into an Edward Snowden type whistleblower manhunt situation. The truth is out there, sheeple. P for pizzavendetta.

#BreakingNews Amazing shot from fire at Windy City Fireworks in Rochester. (PHOTO/ Mike Jernstrom) pic.twitter.com/PU1wlI7LX6

— WSBT News (@WSBT) July 18, 2013

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I’m worried about Sigourney Weaver, you guys. Like, is she OK? Here she is at the Broadway Barks Annual Adoption Event and it’s like, do you need to sit down? What’s the matter? What can we bring you? You appear to be wearing pajamas, is there someone we can call? Do you know sometimes in horror and sci-fi movies when there is some kind of massive parasite that will get into a human’s bloodstream and you can see it pushing through the skin on their arms like a snake? Have you ever seen a movie like that? This is the face I make whenever I see a movie like that, right before I throw my TV out the window and set the house on fire. But she is just holding a puppy! But what if she thinks the puppy is infected with those skin snakes? That would make sense. If I was holding a puppy that I thought was infected with those skin snakes and that there was even the remotest chance that I was going to get skin snakes, you can bet I’d make that face but I wouldn’t hold onto the puppy any longer. I would drop kick that dog into a wood chipper and I would turn the wood chipper on “high.” (It’s important to pay close attention to the speed of the wood chipper if you want to make sure everything gets chipped enough.) If anything, Sigourney Weaver is so brave to continue holding onto a dog that is just riddled with alien skin snakes in order to help promote the caring adoption of animals. God bless you, Sigourney Weaver. Get well soon.

Pretty much the greatest thing that can happen at a Beyoncé concert, other than spontaneously replicating on stage, is Beyoncé taking a little time out in the middle of a song to yell at someone in front of 20,000 people. It's like going on safari and catching a lion at the exact moment it pounces on a gazelle. Scary, exhilarating, and beautiful in its natural brutality. Beyoncé was made to yell at people.

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Sweet, dreamy, creamy milkshakes. When you are craving one, nothing else will quite do. In honor of National Ice Cream month, it’s time to do another Disney Food Blog food crawl: MILKSHAKES!

Not surprisingly, some of my favorite milkshakes can be found right in Walt Disney World. If milkshakes are a favorite of yours, too, allow me to tempt you with a brand new food challenge — the Disney Food Blog Milkshake Crawl!

This one is a doozy! So if you break it up over a couple of days, we totally understand.

And be sure to let us know in the comments which milkshake is your favorite and which ones you highly recommend!

Cookies and Cream Milkshake at Plaza Restaurant

The Plaza Restaurant is one of my favorite table service spots in Magic Kingdom. It’s rarely super busy, and the prices are reasonable. As a bonus, there are some pretty amazing ice cream dessert options on the menu, thanks to the Plaza Ice Cream Parlor right next door.

My favorite beverage-meets-dessert options here are the Hand-Dipped Milkshakes.

Milkshake at Magic Kingdom

Served in old-fashioned glasses, and topped with whipped cream and a cherry, these are just like the shakes I remember from when I was a kid. I recommend the Cookies and Cream. So good!

Bottomless Milkshakes at Whispering Canyon Cafe

Guests love Whispering Canyon Cafe for the amazing all-you-care-to-enjoy skillets at breakfast or supper time, as well as the crazy antics of the staff. (Don’t be surprised if you witness — or participate in — a stick horse race around the restaurant.) But another beloved menu item at Whispering Canyon are the Bottomless Milkshakes.

Served in a jelly jar (another fun throwback to childhood!), they come in your choice of vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry.

Bottomless Vanilla Milkshake at Whispering Canyon Cafe

They’re garnished with sprinkles and a thick cap of whipped cream. And they’re truly, no-joke, all-you-can-drink! Get as many refills as you want!

Want to know something fun? They’re on the menu at breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

PB&J Milkshake at 50s Prime Time Cafe and the Tune-In Lounge

When it’s time for some good comfort food and I’m in Disney’s Hollywood Studios, no one does it better than 50s Prime Time Cafe!

With a slightly bossy staff (keep your elbows off that table!) and awesomely kitschy decor, this is one of my favorite spots to dine in all of Disney World. But they are also well known for their delicious Peanut Butter and Jelly Milkshake.

Made with a heaping helping peanut butter and grape jelly, it’s a fun new way to enjoy these classic favorites.

PB and J Milkshake at 50s Prime Time

And this one comes to your table in the metal blender cup — also a fun touch! Get it to go at Tune-In Lounge next door!

If you can’t make it to 50s Prime Time today for your PB&J Milkshake, you can always make it yourself with our handy recipe!

Lots of Choices at Sci-Fi Dine-In

Head to Sci-Fi Dine-In for Disney Imagineering at its best.

You’ll dine under the “stars” as you watch clips of hilarious mid-century B movies. Seating will be at a picnic table, or maybe even a vintage convertible! All-American fare like the Picnic Burger make for fun meal options. But some of the best surprises at Sci-Fi are the milkshakes!

And the cool thing here is that you can choose from traditional shakes, like the Oreo Milkshake. Or if you’d like to take it up a notch, you can order a grown up version with alcohol.

Oreo Milkshake Sci-Fi Dine-In

Fun choices include Marsha’s Martian — a chocolate or vanilla shake mixed with Bailey’s Irish Cream and Kahlua. Or try a Space Monkey, a chocolate shake that includes Malibu Rum and Banana Liqueur.

If you’d like to stick with the awesome Oreo milkshake, have an Orbiting Oreo with Godiva Chocolate Liqueur!

Frozen Sunshine or Classic Milkshakes at Beaches and Cream

Another excellent spot for creamy, old-fashioned milkshake goodness is Beaches and Cream Soda Shop.

Beaches and Cream is an awesome spot for Burgers, and I absolutely love their Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup! But when it comes to milkshake time, I recommend their Malted Milkshakes. I’ll have chocolate, please!

Beaches and Cream Milkshake

If you’re looking for something lighter, try the refreshingly wonderful Frozen Sunshine. This one’s a favorite of DFB columnist Heather Sievers!

Frozen Sunshine at Beaches and Cream

This bright orange frozen drink is made with orange sherbet and seltzer water for a frothy beverage with a hint of bubbles. It’s a great alternative to other milk-heavy options.

PB&J Part Two at The Fountain

Head over to Walt Disney World Swan and Dolphin Resort for the next entry in our food challenge: PB&J Milkshake, Part Two at The Fountain!

I love this spot for old-fashioned soda shop goodness and comforting food. Their chili cheese fries are not to be believed!

And while the PB&J Milkshake at 50s Prime looks sorta vanilla-y, this one is a complete showstopper!

PB and J Milkshake at The Fountain

It’s served with a bright red drizzle of strawberry sauce that turns it delightfully pink. And topped with Reese’s Pieces, the peanut butter flavor is fabulous, too.

If you’re looking to try something a little off-the-beaten path, order their amazing Vanilla Milkshake — with a side of Hot Fudge! We’re big fans of customization around here.

Fountain Vanilla Milkshake PLUS Hot Fudge

Unbelievably thick and rich, this is just as fantastic as it looks.

Frozen Hot Chocolate at Hilton Bonnet Creek

Finally, when you’re ready to lounge by the pool and enjoy an icy drink, head over to Hilton Bonnet Creek and stop by the resort’s pool bar, Beech. Enjoy the views of the beautiful pool and lazy river, and order the Frozen Hot Chocolate!

Frozen Hot Chocolate at Hilton Bonnet Creek

Made with ice cream, milk, and real hot chocolate, the flavor is deeper than a normal chocolate shake. You have to try this one!

And there you have it! This is the most fun you will ever have getting your daily dose of calcium. We recommend you buddy up for this dairy-rich challenge. You’ll still have more than enough to enjoy!

Will you be taking the Milkshake Crawl Challenge? Leave us a comment below and tell us your favorites!

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Orlando Restaurant Picks

• La Luce by Donna Scala - Hilton Orlando Bonnet Creek
• Bull and Bear Steakhouse - Waldorf Astoria Orlando

Related posts:

1. Food Challenge: The Disney Food Blog Waffle Crawl
2. Challenge: The Disney Food Blog WDW “Cupcake Crawl”
3. Food Challenge: The Disney Food Blog 2012 Cupcake Crawl

Media-hating juror B37 from the George Zimmerman trial spoke with Anderson Cooper on Monday night. Among other things, the juror explained to Cooper how she believes that Zimmerman's “heart was in the right place,” and how she “did not think race played a role” in the fatal shooting of Trayvon Martin.

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The epic movie event of our time finally came into our lives and it damn near broke the Internet. Yep. Sharknado came and bit our faces off with its glory.

Seriously, everyone from Patton Oswalt to Mia Farrow tweeted about the movie and the Vines and GIFs flooded the net like, well, you know. The director of the film said afterward that he was “numb” from the spectacle it became. This was really the TV event of the year. Go figure.

So let’s get on with it. The best Twitter reactions and GIFs (courtesy of the charitable folks at Guyism) from the greatest movie ever. First, the most important Vine you’ll see.

How can anyone not love this?

By now it’s no secret that Aziz Ansari is a huge fan of hip-hop, and that he’s friends with guys like Jay-Z and Kanye West, even making a cameo in the video for “Otis” off of their Watch the Throne collaboration. So I guess it was only a matter of time before some bored Photoshop wizard killed a few hours of his life doing this: Photoshopping Aziz’s face into a number of iconic and popular rap album covers.

On the pages that follow are a few of my favorites. I think the Nicki Minaj one tickles me the most for the sheer ridiculousness of it. Aziz as Drake comes in a close second. Enjoy.

(All images via Emceez Ansari via Imgur)

In case you rightly blocked out the news to prevent emotional scarring like I did, you may remember that Laremy, some of the Frotcast crew and I will be traveling to Cave in Rock, Illinois next month to go on our Juggalo Vision Quest. Like the running of the bulls, we’ve no illusions of being first to the party, but we’re still coming to terms with the very real possibility of being gored.

In this new 28-minute infomercial straight from ICP themselves, Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J announce all The Gathering’s booked acts, including but not limited to: ICP, Twizted, Rahzel from The Roots, Zug Izland, Onyx (SLAM!), Vanilla Ice, Jim Norton, Blaze Ya Dead Homie (of course), Slaine from The Town, Kung Fu Vampire, who’s apparently some kind of ninja in addition to being a rap guy in face paint, a group known as “Swollen Members,” and someone called “Brotha Lynch Hung,” possibly the world’s most aggressively-named rapper, though ICP clarifies that the “hung” is actually meant to be pronounced “ung,” (?), and of course, more face-painted rappers than you ever knew existed. RIP, Ass Dan. Is it just me, or does everything ICP announces sort of sound like the Working-Class Stefon?

The video is more informative than comedic per se, but dare I say it, I’m cautiously excited. And say what you will about the ICP dudes, at a time when every amateur comedian is a wannabe philosopher in the vein of Patton or Louis CK but don’t do it nearly as well, it’s slightly refreshing to see people who don’t particularly care whether they’re being laughed with or at. Refreshing, like pouring a can of Faygo on your poison-ivy covered balls, which I fully expect to happen. Pray for me. Pray for Laremy. Pray to Ass Dan.

EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING. THERE IS A TRAILER FOR SHARKNADO. READ THIS EXCERPT FROM THE PRESS RELEASE.

Up in the sky. It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, it’s a … shark! A supersized storm sucks sharks from the ocean and hurls them onto land in the new Syfy Original Movie Sharknado, premiering Thursday, July 11 at 9PM (ET/PT).

In the movie, regulars of a beachside bar including owner Fin (Ian Ziering/Beverly Hills 90210), bartender Nova (Casie Scerbo/Make It Or Break It) and local drunk George (John Heard/Home Alone) team up with Fin’s ex-wife April (Tara Reid/Scrubs) to investigate the ecological nightmare that has sharks swimming through the streets of Los Angeles and falling from the skies.

HOLY SH*T IAN ZIERING IS PLAYING A BARTENDER NAMED “FIN” IN A MOVIE ABOUT A TORNADO FULL OF SHARKS. AND TARA REID’S MOST NOTABLE CREDIT IS SCRUBS, I GUESS? I WOULD HAVE GONE WITH AMERICAN PIE OR MAYBE TARADISE. REMEMBER THAT SHOW? IT WAS HILARIOUS. YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE MADE IT BETTER, THOUGH? A TORNADO THAT WAS FULL OF SHARKS. GOD, THIS MOVIE IS LIKE MY WORST FEAR COME TO LIFE AND I AM GOING TO WATCH IT SIX TIMES AND WRITE 6,000 WORDS ABOUT IT. SHARKNADO.

(SORRY FOR THE TINY VIDEO. SYFY’S PLAYER IS WEIRD. JUST FULL SCREEN IT OR WATCH IT AT THE LINK IN THE FIRST PARAGRAPH OR SOMETHING.)

UPDATE: IMPORTANT GIF VIA @ERIKMAL.

Filmmakers Adam Ward, Andrew Austin, and Paula Kosowski are working to create The Power of Glove, a documentary telling the story of the Power Glove gesture-based Nintendo controller created by Mattel in 1989.

1989. In an era of Nintendo-mania, toymaker giant Mattel unleashes a bold technological experiment to an eager public. The POWER GLOVE: the first video game controller that allows players to operate Nintendo games with intuitive hand gestures.

Despite immense hype surrounding its release, the product is a critical failure, disappointing thousands of children with its subpar gameplay. More than two decades later, however, dedicated fans continue to repurpose the Power Glove for art pieces, hacking projects, electronic music, and more.

For the first time ever: the story behind the world’s most notorious video game controller.

image and video via The Power of Glove

via Kotaku

• Please check out this John Travolta photoset. You will enjoy it! -Dlisted
• It looks like now that Happy Endings is officially over, Damon Wayans Jr. might return to New Girl to reprise his Coach role. That would be good, I guess! I don’t know. New Girl is great.  -TVLine
• Here’s an official image of Jamie Foxx as Electro in The Amazing Spider-Man 2! Hahaha ahhhh. Looking good, Jamie Foxx! -AintItCool
• Jesse Eisenberg wrote this, so it counts as something we can share with each other. -NewYorker
• David Fincher has offered Ben Affleck the lead in Gone Girl. If you were David Fincher, would Ben Affleck have been your choice for the lead in Gone Girl? Just something to think about! -/Film
• So far Grown Ups 2 has a perfect score on Rotten Tomatoes! Congratulations, Grown Ups 2 you did it just kidding you have a zero I’m so to break it to you this way! -FilmDrunk

Boston Dynamics — the creators of humanoid robot Petman and the four-legged AlphaDog — has unveiled Atlas, a six-foot, two-inch-tall machine that’s been called “one of the most advanced humanoid robots ever built.” The 330-pound Atlas has 28 hydraulic joints, two articulated hands as well as arms, legs, feet, and a torso just like a human being. As part of DARPA’s Virtual Robotics Challenge, seven different teams have been chosen to test their software on Atlas, and will be competing against robots built and programmed by six other teams — from Carnegie Mellon University, NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Virginia Tech, Drexel University, NASA’s Johnson Space Center, and SHAFT Inc. — for a $2 million prize in December 2013.

videos and images via DARPA

Charlie Day dropped by Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night to promote Pacific Rim and the filming of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia’s 100th episode plus the show’s move over to the new FXX network. In the midst of all this he managed to work in being “falsely” accused of soiling his seat on a plane AND confirmed the kick ass story that our friend Bobby Big Wheel put on my radar just the other day: Guillermo del Toro cast Charlie Day in Pacific Rim because he loved his rat killing speech from “Charlie Kelly: King of the Rats.”

As you may remember del Toro “enhanced” an episode of Sunny this past season, and is clearly a huge fan of the show. Casting based off enjoyment had from his couch only furthers my suspicions that the man may spend some time in our comments section.

Start the below clip around the 2:45 for my favorite casting anecdote of 2013 as well as some Sunny season nine info from Charlie Day himself. Start at the beginning for all the plane pooping accusations. I think Bird Law may come into play.

There’s not a great “King of the Rats” monologue clip out there anywhere (although I’m sure most of you have it memorized) so instead please enjoy this behind-the-scenes Charlie Kelly rat bash instructional video.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. Banner image via.

July 9, 2003, found first baseman Randall Simon in the middle of his first season with the Pirates, in the middle of a forgettable career that hovered just above replacement level. Well, not totally forgettable. Simon didn't start on the night of the incident, but he did make the final out in the top of the seventh after pinch-hitting for starting pitcher Kris Benson. Simon was roundly booed when he stepped to the plate for something he had done with his bat before the inning began. The boos were just the beginning of what would become one of the dumbest national baseball scandals in a decade that would produce a lot of them.

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Three former Target warehouse employees are suing the retail chain, claiming they were fired after complaining about a racist training document used at a California distribution center.

Molly Snyder, a spokesman for Target, confirmed that the document had been used at the center. She added that the company was taking responsibility for the document, though she noted it was not part of any "formal or company-wide training." From Snyder's statement:

“It is never Target’s intent to offend our team members or guests and we apologize. The content of the document referenced is not representative of who Target is. We strive at all times to be a place where our team and guests feel welcome, valued and respected. This document, which was used during conversations at one distribution center, was never part of any formal or company-wide training. We take accountability for its contents and are truly sorry.”

But what exactly does training document, titled "Organization Effectiveness, Employee and Labor Relations Multi-Cultural Tips," say? Here's an excerpt from the lawsuit:

"This document instructs managers to note differences among Hispanic employees, and states the following:

"a. Food: not everyone eats tacos and burritos;
"b. Music: not everyone dances to salsa;
"c. Dress: not everyone wears a sombrero;
"d. Mexicans (lower education level, some may be undocumented);
"e. Cubans (Political refugees, legal status, higher education level); and
"f. They may say 'OK, OK' and pretend to understand, when they do not, just to save face."

So yes, it's pretty offensive.

The three former employees — Robert Gonzalez, Bulmaro Fabian and Pedro Garcia — also claim that their supervisors, who were, according to the lawsuit, mostly white, used racial slurs when speaking with Hispanic employees. When Gonzalez complained, the lawsuit alleges, his supervisors retaliated by firing all three men.

[via The Atlantic Wire]

To contact the author of this post, email taylor@gawker.com

Justin Turner plays for the Mets. Jacob Turner is the Marlin who had the big game today. Close, though!

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Digital Spy reports that DJs have been sent free packs of “Get Lucky” condoms, a collaboration between condom brand Durex UK and Daft Punk (whose popular single “Get Lucky” inspired the prophylactics). American DJ Diplo recently posted a photo of the packaging, which features the single’s art, with the caption, “thank god i had those daft punk condoms last night.”

photo by Diplo

via Digital Spy, Oh No They Didn’t!, UPROXX

By Derek Burgan

Universal’s Cinematic Spectacular, the nighttime show at Universal Studios Florida, has recently been updated to include several of Universal’s most popular films that have been released since the lagoon show’s debut in early 2012 . The Academy Award winning Les Miserables, Ted, and Fast & Furious 6 have been incorporated into the video celebrating “100 years of movie memories.”

Les Miserables gets the biggest spotlight, with several clips spread throughout the 15 minute show. The movie Ted is represented with the hilarious scene in which the talking teddy bear has a car accident and says, “My bad, I was sending a tweet.” While Fast & Furious 6, the box office smash from earlier this summer, has the scene in which Vin Diesel’s character drives a car through the front of an exploding airplane.

To make room for these new clips, several had to be removed, with the movie Battleship taking the biggest hit. When Cinematic Spectacular officially opened on May 8, 2012, it included several clips from Battleship and Snow White and the Huntsman, both of which were released to theaters later that summer. Snow White and the Huntsman was a modest hit, bringing in $155 million, while Battleship was one of the summer’s biggest flops, earning only $65 million at the American box office. While Snow White and the Huntsman still has several clips in Cinematic Spectacular, all of Battleship‘s have been removed except for one quick clip showing jets flying above the ship.

Also new is the trailer for Despicable Me 2 playing on the water screens before the Cinematic Spectacular starts. With Despicable Me 2 becoming a smash success, we probably can expect clips from that movie to be added to the show later this year.

While many expect a complete redo of the Cinematic Spectacular show around the time Diagon Alley opens in 2014, these small updates help keep the show fresh.

Universal’s Cinematic Spectacular Gets an Update is a post from the TouringPlans.com Blog. Signup for a premium subscription today! Or get news via Email, Twitter, & Facebook.

On a show full of iconic props — the dragon eggs, the golden crown, the hand that was once attached to the Kingslayer, the arrows that struck Jon Snow in the back (hahaha), the loaf of bread in the shape of a direwolf — the most instantly recognizable sight on HBO’s Game of Thrones is that of the Iron Throne, which overlooks the aptly-titled Throne Room in the Red Keep, sticking out like a rotting, black tooth. It’s terrifying, in a boil-popping kind of way, but it could have been MORE terrifying if George R.R. Martin had his way.

The HBO throne has become iconic. And well it might. It’s a terrific design, and it has served the show very well…Everyone knows it. I love it. I have all those replicas right here, sitting on my shelves. And yet…it’s still not right. It’s not the Iron Throne I see when I’m working on The Winds of Winter. It’s not the Iron Throne I want my readers to see. The way the throne is described in the books.. HUGE, hulking, black and twisted, with the steep iron stairs in front, the high seat from which the king looks DOWN on everyone in the court…my throne is a hunched beast looming over the throne room, ugly and assymetric…

The HBO throne is none of those things. It’s big, yes, but not nearly as big as the one described in the novels. And for good reason. We have a huge throne room set in Belfast, but not nearly huge enough to hold the Iron Throne as I painted it. For that we’d need something much bigger, more like the interior of St. Paul’s Cathedral or Westminster Abbey, and no set has that much room. The Book Version of the Iron Throne would not even fit through the doors of the Paint Hall. (Via)

So what does it look like? Put on your diapers now.

That’s the Iron Throne as painted by the amazing Marc Simonetti (and if you haven’t gotten his 2013 Ice & Fire calendar, better hurry, the year’s half over) for the upcoming concordance, THE WORLD OF ICE & FIRE. It’s a rough, not a final version, so what you see in the book will be more polished. But Marc has come closer here to capturing the Iron Throne as I picture it than any other artist to tackle it. From now on, THIS will be the reference I give to every other artist tackling a throne room scene. This Iron Throne is massive. Ugly. Assymetric. It’s a throne made by blacksmiths hammering together half-melted, broken, twisted swords, wrenched from the hands of dead men or yielded up by defeated foes…a symbol of conquest…it has the steps I describe, and the height. From on top, the king dominates the throne room. And there are thousands of swords in it, not just a few.

This Iron Throne is scary. And not at all a comfortable seat, just as Aegon intended.

Look on his works, ye mighty, and despair.

That is the most intense Jenga tower I’ve ever seen.

(Via)

Tile is an iOS app that syncs with small tags that you can attach to important belongings like keys, laptops, purses, wallets, to help you find them when they’ve been misplaced. With the app, users can track if they’re getting closer or further away from the tile if they’re within a 50-150 foot range and can also set off an audible alert to help find the lost item. Tile also saves the last GPS location of tiles, so if you leave your wallet at a restaurant you won’t waste time tearing apart the laundry basket, couch cushions, or car seat. Tiles are currently available for pre-order, and are expected to ship in late 2013 and early 2014.

images and video via Tile

via Andrew Mager

(here’s the bigger version)

I don’t know about you guys, but just reading the phrase “Guy Fieri’s Grown Ups Chili” caused my tips to spontaneously frost themselves and my cat grew a goatee. That’s right, Happy Madison took a trip to Flavortown and the mayor named some slop after them. Amazing. And yes, the first two ingredients are butter and bacon grease. Be sure to set some aside for your pinky later, you’ll need to lube it up if you want to get those rings off after your fingers swell up from the sodium.

According to the tweet, from the Grown Ups 2 account, the stars of the film will be appearing in an episode of DDD tonight. As a guy who had a trough of McDonald’s cheeseburgers at his wedding (ALLEGEDLY, apocryphally, etc.), Kevin James seems like Guy Fieri’s ideal customer. Though if anyone from Grown Ups 2 was going to be on a show called “DDD,” I would’ve assumed it’d be Salma Hayek, gnome sayin’? OH! (*holds hands in front of chest, smokes cigarette behind the head*)

In the pantheon of movie-related foods, is this not the most perfect crossover ever? People love to hate Guy Fieri, but he’s the best. He’s just so goddamn perfect. People try to parody him and he constantly outdoes them, with a smile on his face. How could you hate a guy like that? I want to beer bong Guy’s Grown Ups chili while a deer pisses in my face and Smash Mouth sings a summer anthem about getting chocolate wasted.

“Brother, that gay carwash was so funny I almost choked on my corndog! Four metal fingers way up!” -Guy Fieri Hammond, Chef/Film Critic

Back in February, Huffington Post entertainment writer Mike Ryan wrote a review of the utterly forgettable movie, Safe Haven. In the middle of that review was the following passage…

Let’s put it this way, here are the only twists that I could come up with that were more insane than the one in Safe Haven.

· When it was revealed that Ben Affleck’s character in Argo was a ghost.

· When it turned out that Bob Sugar was a ghost in Jerry Maguire.

· When I discovered that all of the penguins were ghosts in March of the Penguins.

In the event you have yet to see Argo, Ben Affleck’s character was not, in fact, revealed to be a ghost at any point. Apparent spoiler alert nazi Alex Picchietti — who read Ryan’s Safe Haven review earlier in the week — obviously did not know this and proceeded to lose his freaking mind over what he thought was a spoiler that didn’t come with a “spoiler alert” warning preceding it.

In the wake of his public meltdown, Alex Picchietti has understandably deleted his Twitter account in shame. Thankfully, Andy Levy storified the whole rage-filled exchange before he did, and it’s absolutely glorious.

I agree with Dave Lozo’s assessment that this “will remain forever The Godfather of stories about Internet commenting.” Also, spolier alert Nazis are still the f*cking worst.

(Pic via Warner Bros)

“Cody’s been using the cream for about two months now and he says he’s rash free now…”

On Chicago’s WGN-TV morning news in 2010, reporter Pat Tomasulo of “The Pat-Down” turns the tables on people who “video bomb” him (making faces or waving) during his live broadcast by pulling them in for impromptu and embarrassing interviews (parts 1, 2). Although one of them goes a little too far, it’s pretty funny to see the video bomber’s reaction to the crazy questions Pat surprises them with live on air.

via Laura Poulson, Huffington Post

Last year a Los Angeles-based editor named Kevin Porter put together a video titled “Sorkinisms” that compiled the many, many instances of Aaron Sorkin reusing lines and entire exchanges in his various TV shows and films. It was glorious, as was Sorkin’s reaction to it, which was to take it in stride and be pretty gracious in correspondence with Porter after the video went viral.

Well, a year later, and with a full season of Newsroom clips as ammunition, Porter is finally back with “Sorkinisms II.” Like most sequels it doesn’t quite live up to the original, but hey, there are a lot worse ways to spend eight minutes. Here are some of the things we learn about Aaron Sorkin’s character in this go-round:

• They are not waiters in a restaurant.
• They hate trash cans and windows
• They don’t give damns.
• They insist on telling you where they went to school and what degrees they earned.
• They reach for the stars.
• They don’t have any friends.
• They don’t know each other’s names.

To be fair, anyone who writes enough of anything will probably find themselves repeating certain phrases and themes at some point, often unintentionally. And Sorkin has written A LOT. This type of thing is bound to happen. But that doesn’t make it any less hilarious.

(via Vulture)

David Wright and Robinson Cano will announce their Home Run Derby selections on Monday at 6 p.m. on ESPN’s SportsCenter.

“With Mad Men coming to a close, Meow Men debuts just in time to take its place.”

The Pet Collective has created “Meow Men,” a parody of the opening credits for Man Men starring cats. Previously, we wrote about The Pet Collective and their numerous animal themed parody videos.

In the world of Catvertising on Catison Avenue these cats are the cats meow and cats pajamas at making catvertisements. Cats cats cats… cats.

Here are a few of the feline themed ads by The Pet Collective that were featured in this parody:

video and images via The Pet Collective

via Tastefully Offensive

We've yet to come across any photos of Rex making like Hemingway at the Fiesta de San Fermin, but the gang at Busted Coverage was first to find proof Rex was there. He even dressed like your tourist uncle for the occasion. BAD TORO!

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It’s as hot as an insanity pepper today, meaning it’s the PERFECT day to watch footage of a 100-year-old woman repeatedly say the word “dick” to an amused reporter during an interview. This brings up an important question: at what age is it acceptable to stop giving any/all f*cks? By that, I’m not talking about the people who run to the bodega for milk in their sweatpants and mustard-stained Los Angeles Rams t-shirts; no, I mean those who swear, drink, spit, and smoke whenever/wherever they want, and it’s always amusing, never depressing (Florida residents excluded).

I hope it’s 26 years old, ’cause I’ve got a barrel of c*nt punts I’ve been waiting to unleash on GMA.

(Via Bob’s Blitz)