All my life I’ve heard non-cat people insisting cats don’t love you and just want food but actual scientific testing confirms what anyone with cats already knows, that given the choice they would actually rather see their people first than just eat.
“The Trump administration is preparing to redirect resources of the Justice Department’s civil rights division toward investigating and suing universities over affirmative action admissions policies deemed to discriminate against white applicants.” — The New York Times, 8/1/17
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1. What is White People Discrimination?
A. It’s when your lackluster grades are not enough to get you into an Ivy League college unless your father is an alumni
B. It’s when your poor high school performance does not impress the admissions of an elite university unless your grandfather remembered them in his will
C. It’s when an offensive, inept and unstable narcissist becomes president of the United States and people keep bringing up the whole “birther” thing that he lied about for eight years
D. All of the above
2. Why are some people so angry about White People Discrimination?
A. Because Fox News told them it’s a thing
B. Because they have never properly come to terms with the fact that this country was built on slavery
C. Because Donald Trump is the president
D. All of the above
3. Who is adversely affected by White People Discrimination?
A. Mediocre White men
B. Members of the GOP
C. The president
D. None of the above
4. Why are Attorney General Sessions and President Trump so concerned with White People Discrimination?
A. The attorney general is a racist
B. So is the president
C. Majority of those with “All Lives Matter” on their Twitter profile voted for Trump
D. All of the above
5. How can people stop White People Discrimination?
A. Sue colleges that don’t admit them, even when they didn’t have the grades to be admitted
B. Keep on keepin’ on
C. It’s a trick question because this fake quiz is trying to impress upon the reader that this whole issue is a mendacious fabrication of the alt-right
D. Really, it’s not a thing. The kind of discrimination which needs to be addressed is the kind that targets marginalized and underprivileged groups. If a Black person wasn’t nice to you while you were getting your morning coffee, that is not systematic discrimination — it’s just something unpleasant that happened. Get a life.
Anxiety loophole and more in this week’s Tumblr roundup… reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it reblog it Tumblr Gets … Continued
Vaccines for dogs are a good thing. Nobody wants Mister Floofles to die of rabies, nor to pass it on to other pets or people. (Reminder: untreated rabies is deadly, and horrifically so.) But it’s easy to get spooked by rumors of the side effects of vaccines, and some people are turning down shots for their pets.
This is such a bummer. I hope that Bill has just hired some people to work within his social media team, and he doesn’t realize or understand that they seem to be gross Pepes.
I hope that someone convinced him that doing this shit is just a way of being “controversial” because there’s no such thing as bad press or attention, and they made him believe that there’s this vast audience of people who are shitty like them who will give him money and attention.
I hope that all of that is true, because then maybe someone can talk with him, and help him see that it’s toxic and cruel and hurting a lot of people who sincerely look up to him and have been positively affected by his work.
He was mean to me when I was a kid, but he apologized, and has been kind to me ever since. I want so badly for this to not be the guy I’ve known a little bit for over thirty years, because it breaks my heart, if this is who he is in his own heart.
I want – I need – to believe that this is the work of shitty little self-proclaimed social media gurus, and that he isn’t actually this awful person who was being shitty to marginalized people on Twitter, because the Internet already has one Adam Baldwin and we don’t need another one.
replacing curses in sentences with harmless words like heck and then sometimes even censoring heck to “h*ck” is a good meme but an even better one would be, like, censoring the wrong word in a sentence entirely. example:
The bar is so low for these fucksticks, their aberrant behaviour so thoroughly normalized, that doing something that should have happened days ago is somehow viewed as a big, bold, daring display of leadership.
Fuck every single one of these people. They are all enabling the most dangerous and destructive administration in history.
More accurately, the millennial retirement plan is the post-apocalypse. Baby boomers are the ones planning The Apocalypse. Who the hell knows what Gen-Xers (my gen) are doing. Blogging about it, I guess.
Gen-Xers are the ones who don’t have a retirement plan because we’re amazed that we’ve lasted this long.
My retirement plan is work until I croak. Retirement is for rich people.
““The point of modern propaganda isn’t only to misinform or push an agenda. It is to exhaust your critical thinking, to annihilate truth. Modern dictatorships have become far more sophisticated still in how to achieve their ends. They learned that by constant bombardment, your senses become overwhelmed. You start to doubt, to shrug your shoulders, to tune out, and that makes you vulnerable. Instead of pushing one lie, one fake, they can push a dozen, or a hundred, and that’s pretty good odds against one lonely truth. They win when you say: ‘Who can be sure what really happened?'””
If you thought the adult coloring book craze was just weird licensed cash-ins, think again. After surprising us all with last year’s Bait, a short story anthology/coloring book hybrid, Chuck Palahniuk is returning to the well again with his first long-form prose in three years, and it also happens to include gorgeous…
The next time someone rudely asks me “so… what are you?” as a way of trying to figure out my race, I’m gonna answer as nervously as possible with “hahah ahah ahaha… human? liKE YOU?” and then walk about 3 feet away from them before stage whispering into my watch “I fear the humans are beginning to catch on. I believe it’s now time to proceed with Plan E.”
What amuses me is the Plan E part. That means several other plans have failed. You are a terrible secret agent.
[sweats and whispers into watch] “They’re definitely onto us.”
“Missouri became the first because of recent legislation making discrimination lawsuits harder to win, and in response to longtime racial disparities in traffic enforcement and a spate of incidents cited as examples of harm coming to minority residents and visitors, say state NAACP leaders.
"Those incidents included racial slurs against black students at the University of Missouri and the death earlier this year of 28-year-old Tory Sanders, a black man from Tennessee who took a wrong turn while traveling and died in a southeast Missouri jail even though he hadn’t been accused of a crime.
“How do you come to Missouri, run out of gas and find yourself dead in a jail cell when you haven’t broken any laws?” asked Rod Chapel, the president of the Missouri NAACP.
“You have violations of civil rights that are happening to people. They’re being pulled over because of their skin color, they’re being beaten up or killed,” Chapel said. “We are hearing complaints at a rate we haven’t heard before.”
Dogs are like family members – so much so, that this couple decided to make their dogs very much a part of their wedding celebration. They chose their canines to be their best man and maid of honor, and their wedding pics turned out to be absolutely pawsome!
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The two malamutes took their roles seriously – they didn’t leave their mum and dad’s side and did everything they could to ensure the lovebirds were having the best day of their lives.
They cheered the guests up just with their fluffy presence, and looked absolutely adorable in their cute little accessories – a bow for the best man and flowers for the maid of honour.
Just to make it extra clear how much they love their dogs, the newlyweds even put little sculptures of their dogs on their traditional wedding cake.
I swear to god he has some kind of ancient Egyptian curse. There is always, always one of these whenever something happens. He stole an amulet from a tomb or some shit.
The world’s definitions are one thing and the life one actually lives is quite another. One cannot allow oneself, nor one’s family, friends, or lovers – to say nothing of one’s children – to live according to the world’s definitions: one must find a way, perpetually, to be stronger and better than that.”
saw a comment on the thor ragnarok trailer saying “i hope people realize that this is not an accurate representation of norse mythology” and i’m like oh shit did thor actually not fight the hulk while jeff goldblum watch in his pajamas in norse mythology??? damn i got it all wrong im such a dumb idiot
Anthony Scaramucci, a man who treats journalists like they are his therapists, cannot stay away from the press. On Tuesday, for reasons that mystify, he offered a follow-up interview to the Huffington Post to recount the aftermath of his unceremonious firing from his hilariously short 10-day tenure as White House…
Bored Panda is def. trying to break my heart Squick warning
A fire recently broke out in someone’s backyard, and luckily, the neighbors were there to quickly extinguish it. Just when they thought there were no victims, however, they saw a tiny paw reaching for help under the pieces of wood. There it was – a tiny kitten who got badly burnt in the fire.
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The poor thing was rushed to the local RSPCA, where they named her Phoenix and started treating her wounds. “When Phoenix arrived she was in a really sorry state,” Luka Atkinson, reception supervisor at RSPCA Felledge, said in a press release.
“She was just 6 weeks old back then, and to see such a tiny kitten that way was really hard for us. The skin on all four of her pads was burnt off and the fur on her face, tummy and legs was singed — she was lucky to be alive.”
Sadly, later it turned out that Phoenix’s wounds were even deeper than originally thought. Still, with plenty of painkillers, love, and TLC, the cat who was dubbed ‘the luckiest kitten in Britain’ is slowly recovering. The fur on her eyelids is still yet to grow, but it’s only a question of time.
“She is such a happy little thing and she eats, plays and loves fuss just like any other kitten, and we hope people won’t be scared by her appearance while she heals,” Atkinson said.
Story Time: in 2012, when I still lived in Florida, I used to work for a credit union, and I had the absolute worst manager and assistant manager. They were sloppy, lazy, and offloaded their work onto other people. No biggie; I’m grown and I can handle my job and not stress because I’m damned good at it. Problem: the manager and assistant manager, who happened to be best friends in real life, also happen to be very, very conservative older women. I’m talking like, hardcore conservative Christians, the kind who are not very good people and are very unlike Christ. I don’t make it a point to tell people I work with my business because when you work, you’re busy and you don’t want to burden other people, right? At least, I don’t. Subject of my love life comes up after a while of me staying in my lane, and I’m also not a liar, so I casually mention that I happen to be gay and I’m dating someone at the time.
The change in my managers was almost immediate. From that point on they tried their utmost to make my life miserable, but I wasn’t going to break. Fast forward about a month after this mess and one of the tellers, Tanika, and I have become really good friends, and she pulls me aside one Monday morning to tell me that she overheard the manager and assistant manager talking about firing me, and she didn’t want to get too involved, but she didn’t think it was fair so she wnated to give me a headsup. Here’s the best part: these asshats are SO lazy that they literally say - or so Tanika tells me- that they’ll wait for the end of the week to do it, because otherwise they would have no one to cover my Wednesday shift, and they’d have to sit on the teller line, and no siree Bob, they’re too good for that! Too important! Too. Fucking. Lazy.
Immediately I type up a two week notice at my station, print that shit out, and take it to that sloppy ass manager in her sloppy ass office. They have no receipts on me, but these people will find anything and use it to get rid of you if they can, and I’m not having a forcible termination on my record and dealing with how that will look to future employers. Keep in mind that I’m not supposed to know that they’re planning on firing me, and I’ve done my homework on company policy about two week notices (they had just changed it in January, and it was February). I give her the paper, sit in front of her, tell her some cock and bull story about needing more time for school. She looks upset, tells me to leave the letter, and go back to my station. I pull out a second copy of the letter and say: “Sure! But, first, I need your signature on this one, which is my copy of the two week notice.” Her face was a Goddamned mask at this point, but I could tell she was burning up inside. She’s trapped; she has to either sign it and pretend everything is fine, or she refuses and I go in on her for her “suspicious behavior” and call her higher ups. She signs my copy. I go back and finish my day.
Day ends and the assistant manager comes to me and tells me they have spoken to the president of the credit union and they have decided to terminate me anyway. Tells me I need to turn in my drawer and vault keys immediately and leave the premises. I refuse; “I’m not leaving until we count my drawer down together, I have a printed and signed copy of my balance, and you have signed paperwork confirming that I have given you all keys back.” She has no choice. I walk out with all necessary paperwork, get home, and immediately email the credit union president telling him what happened and how I think it’s utterly unprofessional for an employer to behave this way. He calls me the next day to my personal phone, and tells me the manager and assistant manager both told him I had quit on the spot and walked out without so much as a goodbye. I tell him I have a signed two week notice from the manager, because this sloppy ho can’t even keep own story together for five minutes. He tells me to photocopy it and email it to him. I do. Tells me he is going to have a discussion with the manager and call me back ASAP. Calls me back, apologizes profusely, and tells me that I shouldn’t have been treated as such, so he offers to pay me for the two weeks I had give notice for, ON TOP of an extra two weeks of compensation, and I didn’t even have to show up to the branch anymore. He was paying me a full month for no work to make up for the situation.
First paycheck comes in, and I put on my best outfit. Pick out the hottest shit in my closet that says: “I look incredible” but also “I have free time and you don’t” and “enjoy working here while I get paid while napping at the beach,” and I walk my happy little ass into that bank to pick up my paycheck like:
Happily greet the manager and assistant manager, who are both there like:
Say hello to my friend Tanika, who is at the teller line like:
Enjoying the fuck out of this show, right? Like, she can’t say it out loud, but she’s fucking living for this goddamned circus and it’s written all over her face!
I talk to her and loudly tell her how amazing it feels to have four weeks off with pay, and how polite and nice the bank president is.
Then I walk my happy little ass out of the bank like:
But not before saying bye to the manager and assistant manager and reminding them that I’ll be back in two weeks to pick up my next check, “probably right before I head to Key Largo for the weekend.”
…and that’s the story of how I once absolutely wrecked two people who thought they could use their positions of power to come for me unfairly, and a story I’ll be telling my grandchildren so they know, as grandpa knew on one February morning of 2012, that you take bullshit from absolutely no one.
This is why we read our employee handbooks and never EVER trust anybody in a position of power over us, kids.
it’s also because Leonard COHEN (!) was Jewish and this is a quintessentially Jewish line, and changing it to that level of Annoying Certainty is stripping it of its Jewish meaning and imbuing it with that particularly American smug evangelical Christian attitude that makes me tired, so very tired
