Tra la, it’s May, the lusty month of May That lovely month when everyone goes blissfully astray Tra la, it’s here, that shocking time of year When tons of wicked little thoughts merrily appear
It’s May, it’s May, that gorgeous holiday When every maiden prays that her lad will be a cad It’s mad, it’s gay, a libelous display Those dreary vows that everyone takes, everyone breaks Everyone makes divine mistakes, the lusty month of May
Whence this fragrance wafting through the air? What sweet feelings does its scent transmute? Whence this perfume floating everywhere? Don’t you know it’s that dear forbidden fruit Tra la la la la, that dear forbidden fruit, tra la la la la Tra la la la la, tra la, tra la, tra la la la la la la la la la
It’s May, the lusty month of May That darling month when everyone throws self-control away It’s time to do a wretched thing or two And try to make each precious day, one you’ll always rue
It’s May, it’s May, the month of yes you may The time for every frivolous whim, proper or im It’s wild, it’s gay, a blot in every way The birds and bees with all of their vast amorous past Gaze at the human race aghast
Tra la, it’s May, the lusty month of May That lovely month when everyone goes blissfully astray Tra la, it’s here, that shocking time of year When tons of wicked little thoughts merrily appear
It’s May, it’s May, the month of great dismay When all the world is brimming with fun wholesome or un It’s mad, it’s gay, a libelous display Those dreary vows that everyone takes, everyone breaks Everyone makes divine mistakes, the lusty month of May
Remember, conservative ladies, these guys have your back.
After facing more than a dozen lawsuits alleging either racial discrimination, sexual harassment, or gender bias, Fox News is losing another executive. This time, according to reports, it’s co-president Bill Shine.
In a New York Times op-ed published this weekend entitled “The Upside to the Presidential Twitter Feed,” writer Michael Kinsley suggests that the establishment media is being too harsh about President Donald Trump.
ayn rand failing to understand that sesame street is for young children
god this is missing the best part JIM HENSON I think Ms. Rand and my character Oscar the Grouch would have a lot to talk about actually. I am laughing out loud at this idea.
AYN RAND Why would I want to talk to him. What has he achieved or trying to achieve.
JIM HENSON He has achieved what I think is the ultimate goal of your way of thinking.
Okay folks. May 4th and Wear Glitter For Carrie Fisher is coming up. Whatever you do DO NOT PUT CRAFT GLITTER ON YOUR FACE/NEAR YOUR EYES. It’s cheap, yes, but craft glitter can scratch your corneas. It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye from infection.
News broke late Sunday night that congressional Republicans and Democrats had reached a deal to keep the government open through September, and it looks like a monster win for Democrats. The headline news: they managed to keep Planned Parenthood funded despite defunding Planned Parenthood being a long-cherished goal not just of many congressional Republicans but of Mike Pence.
Sure, Republicans got an extra $12.5 billion to $15 billion in unneeded defense spending (reports on how much vary), and they got an extra $1.5 billion for border security. But Republicans have both houses of Congress and the White House. Of course they’re going to get much of what they want … and here, the border security money is explicitly not for Donald Trump’s precious wall and the extra money for the military is around half of what Trump had demanded.
Meanwhile, Planned Parenthood, Planned Parenthood, Planned Parenthood. But that’s not the only win for Democrats. The reported bill includes money to help Puerto Rico keep making its Medicaid payments. It doesn’t go after sanctuary cities. In what has to be a blow to Jeff Sessions, it blocks the Justice Department from persecuting states with medical marijuana laws. The National Institutes of Health will get an additional $2 billion, when Trump had wanted to slash its budget—but that’s not just a Democratic win. That one is a bipartisan Congress vs. Trump.
“This agreement is a good agreement for the American people, and takes the threat of a government shutdown off the table,” according to Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. “The bill ensures taxpayer dollars aren’t used to fund an ineffective border wall, excludes poison pill riders, and increases investments in programs that the middle-class relies on, like medical research, education and infrastructure.”
The government funding fight will come back around in September. Maybe Republicans will have their act together to do more evil then. But Democrats have managed to launch into Trump’s second 100 days on a high note after his first 100 days held few major accomplishments. And congressional Republicans have shown—at least for now—that they won’t go to the mat for Trump’s priorities.
We’ll take our wins where we can get them in the age of Trump.
Honestly, I think it has less to do with liking and hating authority, and more to do with staying in line with your peer group, and defending your peer group from that other peer group.
the whole “i used to be a teen who hated authority only to grow up to become the authority that hates teens” is a bad bad thing that practically every other generation has fallen into and we all need to make an extremely conscious effort not to repeat the fucking pattern
I usually go with "it's clear and obvious to me, but the explanation would take about half an hour to translate properly from my head to yours, and you still wouldn't get it, and let's be honest, we're never getting that time back.
I love how “because Reasons” can mean either “the reason is so obvious I shouldn’t need to explain it,” or “there is no valid reason for this but it’s happening.”
A new app and website called White Collar Crime Risk Zones (WCCRZ)
shows exactly what neighborhoods are chock full of financial criminals,
how much damage they’re doing and even what they might look like.
Using
data from the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority, a team of
technologists working with the left-wing magazine New Inquiry created
the open-source tool so that anyone can put a face on the labyrinthian
world of white collar crime hidden in their own home town.
It may not be the face of crime trotted out on the evening news,
but that’s the point. The app reframes the common cultural code for
criminality — typically black, poor and uneducated — around corporations
and neighborhoods that more accurately reflect where crime happens and
who’s committing it. Read more (4/25/17)
Kids. Teenagers. As someone staring 40 in the face lemme tell you a thing.
You are going to be horrified and embarrassed at some point by the shit you are doing now.
And you are going to wish with all your might you’d done more of it.
You’re gonna wish you had more selfies, more photos, more videos being dumb with your friends. You’re going to wish you’d had your hair even higher or your shoes even sparklier.
Go. Document the shit out of your ridiculous life. Fuck trends but if you wanna be trendy, go all in. Fuck in-groups and subcultures but if one sings to you, do it all. Be exactly as cool or punk rock or goth or fandom or country or hardcore or hip hop or whatever, and don’t let anyone tell you differently.
Just don’t hurt people. That’s the only thing you’ll ever genuinely live to regret.
anyway hi i thought this was encouraging kids to “fuck in groups” and i was like i mean ok sure i guess
Ahahah omg no no. I mean I guess that is a VERY important hyphen I am glad I remembered, lol
Kids. Teenagers. As someone staring 40 in the face lemme tell you a thing.
You are going to be horrified and embarrassed at some point by the shit you are doing now.
And you are going to wish with all your might you’d done more of it.
You’re gonna wish you had more selfies, more photos, more videos being dumb with your friends. You’re going to wish you’d had your hair even higher or your shoes even sparklier.
Go. Document the shit out of your ridiculous life. Fuck trends but if you wanna be trendy, go all in. Fuck in-groups and subcultures but if one sings to you, do it all. Be exactly as cool or punk rock or goth or fandom or country or hardcore or hip hop or whatever, and don’t let anyone tell you differently.
Just don’t hurt people. That’s the only thing you’ll ever genuinely live to regret.
Honestly, Rick Rolling is the best practical joke ever. Like, there’s nothing offensive or mean spirited about it. It’s just like “Oops you thought there would be something else here but it’s ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’.” which isn’t even a bad song. It’s fairly enjoyable to listen to. There’s no jumpscares, no screaming, no ill will. Just Rick Astley telling you he’s never going to give you up. I think that’s great. “You fell into my trap! Here, listen to this completely benign song that will have no negative effect on you.”
Watching this (and fearing broken ankles with each loop) I can’t helping thinking about that old quote Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, except backwards and in high heels.
But no, if you watch closely you’ll see she doesn’t even step on the last chair. That means she had to trust that fucker to lift her gently to the ground while he was spinning down onto that chair. That takes major guts. I’d be pissing myself and fearing a broken neck if I were in her place. Kudos to her.
Okay so this is true, but a tiny part of a wider truth.
Ginger Rogers was a FUCKING BADASS. Ignore for a sec the rampant sexism in Hollywood (they once bleached her hair blonde in wardrobe without telling her beforehand), the fact that she fought her whole career against typecasting and stereotyping from fellow actors (Katharine Hepburn famously said of the Astaire/Rogers partnership “she gave him sex. He gave her class” ) for starting out in musicals, and went on to have a career lasting over fifty years, winning a Best Actress Oscar (Kitty Foyle, 1940). But… JUST focusing on the Astaire movies…
Not only did she dance “backwards” in high heels, the dances were a task in themselves. Astaire was an absolute perfectionist and choreographed for himself, so as a younger, less experienced dancer Rogers came in at a disadvantage and worked her ass off to match him.
Then there’s the filming complications… these numbers were filmed in ONE TAKE. So one thing goes wrong and you have to start over. Maybe you make a mistake or maybe your dress flies up because…
Ginger had to contend with her wardrobe. Dancing in heels is the norm at this time, but dancing in a dress designed for cinema cameras… not so much. They were heavy, embellished, uncomfortable, restrictive and cumbersome and essentially a third member of the dance, strapped to the body of one partner.Not only did she have to dance and look good, she had to control the dress too!
Take this routine from Swing Time… (it gets going proper at 1:30ish)
This dress has weights, YES WEIGHTS, sewn in to the hem to make it fly out and create a visual effect. So it’s heavy, it hurts if it hits you, and your partner gets mad if it hits him. So you gotta control it.
Well it turns out all these factors on this set, this particular day aren’t going so well. So you’re doing take after take, here’s no labour laws, so at 4am after 18 hours you’re still going, even though part of the routine requires you to spin up those curved stairs with no rail at high speed….
Okay so now back to those high heels. In Ginger’s autobiography she vividly remembers this night as the night she bled though her shoes. They did so many takes, her feet blistered, bled, and the white satin high heels she was wearing finished he night pink because they were literally full of blood. And still they keep shooting. She keeps dancing.
The take they use in the film is the last. Early hours. Bloody feet. And she spins, acts and bosses out until that last second. Because she was that professional, talented and bloody minded. This is the last set of spins…
So I say once again. Ginger Rogers was a badass.
She did everything Fred Astaire did backwards, in high heels, wearing a 20 pound dress, exhausted, injured and standing in a pool of her own blood. And watching her perform, you would never know.
During a high school production of Beauty and the Beast, where I was
assistant costumer and assistant prop master, our director decided that
we needed to spice up Gaston’s introduction. You know: in the movie,
when Lefou runs in trying to catch the duck/goose that Gaston has just
shot out of the sky?
Originally, the actors were going to stroll
on stage with our Lefou hauling in the really neat (and real!)
taxidermied deer head that we had found in a local thrift store. Now,
two days before opening night, our director wants Lefou to run in from
off stage and catch a stuffed duck that Gaston has just shot. This, of
course, requires two things to work properly as a scene: a gunshot
noise, and a stuffed duck.
The gunshot noise, we had covered.
Blue-collar, redneck school? Guns a plenty to record. The stuffed duck?
Harder than you might have thought to obtain.
Three hunting
stores, two taxidermists, and one Pet Supply Store ™, I’d finally found a
semi-realistic pheasant squeaky toy. What follows is an account of the
ways this dog toy managed to be the nightmare prop of the six show run.
Opening
Night: The stagehand, who was supposed to drop the bird from the
ceiling catwalk, missed his cue and didn’t drop the it. Lefou’s actor
rolls with it and does an excellent job of looking around foolishly
before getting cuffed upside the head by Gaston. The stagehand then
drops the bird squarely on Gaston’s head. Cue laughter.
Saturday
Matinee: Different stagehand throws the bird instead of dropping it and
beans Lefou directly in the face with the prop. Lefou falls over. Cue
laughter.
Saturday Night: Bird is missing during curtain call.
Director hauls the deer head down from it’s place on the tavern wall and
tells Gaston and Lefou to revert to the old blocking i.e. no gunshot,
no bird, just walk in with trophy. During Gaston and Lefou’s
conversation, gun shot sound goes off and a stagehand throws the bird
onto the stage…from the wrong side of the stage. Lefou and Gaston stare
at it in awkward silence for a solid thirty seconds before Lefou makes
off-script, subtle joke about Gaston’s gun going off late instead of
early. Cue adults in the audience laughing.
Sunday Matinee:
Director begs the stagehands to get the cue right at least once. Gunshot
and bird prop go off without a hitch. Lefou accidentally catches the
prop when it falls from the catwalk. He’s so startled that he caught it
that Gaston runs right in to him. They drop both the gun and the bird
props, and grab the wrong prop in their scramble. Gaston spends the rest
of the scene gesturing dramatically with a stuffed pheasant, instead of
a gun.
Sunday Night:
Director is fed up with bird prop, decides that Lefou should just carry
bird prop in after gunshot happens off stage. Lefou accidentally
squeezes the prop during the intro conversation, startling both actors
into silence with the squeaky toy noise - apparently, neither of them
realized it was a dog toy.
Monday Elementary School Show: Lefou walks on stage with the
bird. Accidentally drops the prop during conversation with Gaston.
Gaston doesn’t notice the dropped prop and steps on it. Cue depressingly
sad squeaky toy noise. Cue ten years olds laughing.
It occurs to me that as much as “humans are the scary ones” fits sometimes, if you look at it another way, humans might seem like the absurdly friendly or curious ones.
I mean, who looked at an elephant, gigantic creature thoroughly capable of killing someone if it has to, and thought “I’m gonna ride on that thing!”?
And put a human near any canine predator and there’s a strong chance of said human yelling “PUPPY!” and initiating playful interaction with it.
And what about the people who look at whales, bigger than basically everything else, and decide “I’m gonna swim with our splashy danger friends!”
Heck, for all we know, humans might run into the scariest, toughest aliens out there and say “Heck with it. I’m gonna hug ‘em.”
“Why?!”
“I dunno. I gotta hug ‘em.”
And it’s like the first friendly interaction the species has had in forever so suddenly humanity has a bunch of big scary friends.
“Commander, we must update the code of conduct to include the humans.”
“Why? Are they more aggressive than we anticipated?”
“It seems to be the opposite Commander. Just this morning a crewman nearly lost their hand when attempting to stroke an unidentified feline on an unknown world. Their reaction to the attack was to call the creature a “mean kitty” and vow to win it over. Upon inquiry it seems they bond so readily with creatures outside their species that they have the capacity to feel sympathy for an alien creature they have never seen before simply because it appears distressed. I hate to say this commander but we must install a rule to prevent them from endangering their own lives when interacting with the galaxy’s fauna.”
“I see what you mean. So be it, from now on no crewman is allowed to touch unknown animals without permission from a superior officer. And send a message to supplies about acquiring one of these “puppies” so that their desire to touch furred predators can be safely sated.
Ehehehe I love this! Every time someone adds a short story to my post it gets like 90% cuter and more epic
Lets be honest, the humans would ignore the hell outta that rule whenever alone.
“So I hear that you’ve just recruited a human for your ship.”
“Yes, it’s the first time that I’ve worked with these species,
but they come highly recommended. Say, you’ve worked with a few, what tips can
you give me? I’d hate to have some kind of cultural misunderstanding if it’s
avoidable.”
“The
first rule of working with humans is never leave them unsupervised.”
“Wait, what?”
“I’m serious. Don’t do it. Things. Happen.”
“But wait, I thought that I heard you highly recommended that
every crew should have at least one on board?”
“Absolutely, and I stand by that. Humans are excellent
innovators, and are psychologically very resilient. If you have a crisis, then
a human that has bonded wth your crew properly can be invaluable. Treat your
human well and you should get the best out of them as a crew member. Their
ability to get on with almost any species is legendary.”
“But Toks, didn’t you just say…”
“The
trouble is that they will potentially try to bond with anything. If you leave them
unsupervised, you have no idea what kind of trouble they can get themselves into. It was
sheer luck that the Fanzorians thought that it was funny that the human picked
up the Crown Prince to coo at him.”
“Crown Prince Horram, Scourge of Pixia?”
“The
very same. Surprisingly good sense of humour. But don’t even get me started on
that one time with the Dunlip. Al-Human wanted to know if they could keep it.
As a pet.”
“A Dunlip? You
mean the 3 metre tall apex predators from Jowun?”
“Yup. Don’t
leave your humans unsupervised.”
“I’ll uh, take that under advisement.”
“Seriously. Get a supply of safe animals for the humans to bond with or they will make their own. I mean, they will try to befriend anything they come across anyway, but without any permanent pets they can get… creative. Don’t even get me started on the time one of them taped a knife to one of our auto-cleaners and named it Stabby.
Three weeks in and when we finally caught the wretched thing, half the humans on crew tried to revolt about us “killing” Stabby by removing the knife.
“How… how did you resolve that sir?”
“Glaxcol made a toy knife out of insulation rubber and strapped that on instead. Quite a creative solution, I suppose.”
“And that sated the humans?
“Worse.”
“Worse?”
“They thought it was so funny they made a second one, strapped false eyes on springs to both and held mock battles. Then decided Stabby and Knifey were in love and now none of them will allow the others to stage fights between them any more.”
Stabby is an omniversal constant.
Oh my gods, we’re the Steve Irwins of the universe.
this is my fave thing.
it can’t even be safe to assume humans would only attach themselves to only fuzzy, furry things. reptilian and even insectoid creatures are just as likely to be randomly selected as “this is a thing i love” by a human.
“Excuse me, captain? Human-Rob requests that we … bring aboard … a Kilarn.”
“A Kilarn? The giant poisonous and highly aggressive insectoid predator? Am I hearing you correctly?”
“…. Yes ser.”
“For the love of- WHY?”
“I asked the same thing, to which they replied “he’s trying his best” in a distressed tone of voice.“
*captain sighs and holds head in hands*
OMG Stabby the Knife Roomba has crossed over from one Tumblr Sci Fi Story into another! This is the best.
I like that we will even bond with a fictional roomba with a knife taped to it.
i know you’ve all heard more than enough about this fyre festival thing but it is honestly Too Much and i am Obsessed With It
like a bunch of grown ass adults are on Great Exuma, which is the largest and most inhabited cay in the Bahaman district of Exuma. that’s where the capitol city of George Town is. it is by no means a deserted island or desolate wasteland. here’s their website in case you want to know more about this popular tourist locale.
these grown ass adults expected a luxury experience and got a regular camping experience. (all following info from this article) they got large tents which they could have easily shared with each other, but instead they fought over them and at least one person set their tent on fire because they hated it. their food was sub par but far from trash – one person complained that for breakfast they only got “Eggo waffles, cinnamon rolls and room temperature coffee.” here’s the George Town map on their website where you can find the variety of restaurants and grocery stores these dummies could have gone to for sustenance.
a lot of people have compared this hilarious shitshow to ‘Lord of the Flies,’ but that book was about a bunch of little boys during the Cold War crashing against their will on an actually deserted island and surviving for days, maybe even weeks without turning on each other. I won’t deny that the fyre festival people were scammed, but at the end of the day they are adults who paid to be on an inhabited island and only took hours to start looting and rioting.
i’ve seen a lot of people saying we shouldn’t make fun of this because these people are in ‘a terrible situation’ and like…. no they aren’t tho. they are in, at worst, an average situation, which they personally worsened with their greed and petulance.
anyway that’s all the info i have for now on why it’s totally okay to make fun of these idiots, have fun
