Sean Murphy

Hey! Since we have a bunch of other projects in the pipeline these days, our update schedule is all over the place. So we’re doing what we should have done a long time ago and making a mailing list, seen in green above. We don’t want to spam you so we will only email when there is a new comic… or whenever we find an AMAZING deal on penis enlargement pills.

Also, for funsies we’ll put additional bonus junk in the emails, like rejected comics or an inside look at the glamorous life of making jokes for the internet. What a deal!

Dude, everyone knows you’re high. The guy behind the counter at the deli, the girl walking her dog, everyone. Even the dog knows. In fact, your mom just called to say that she knows you’re high.

And I have bad news. You’re going to feel like this FOREVER. You will never not be high. You won’t be normal again, and everyone is going to know you are high. Forever.

Oh, and that realization you just had is totally true. Yeah, last week when your two friends showed up at the restaurant at the same time, it wasn’t a coincidence, they were hanging out without you. Because they hate you.

You know what you should do? You should text your friends and ask them if they hate you. Then you should call your mom and tell her you aren’t high. Then you should cry because this is forever.

But first, pizza.

wes

Hey sexy, are you ready to get freaky? Try these kinky moves in your intimate moments the next time you want to impress your partner(s) with your sex:

The Mountain Man
Imagine your partner’s surprise when you grow an entire beard during orgasm!

Tear Down This Wall
Do the sex against the wall until it crumbles to the ground. Your neighbors will be impressed/aroused.

No Bones Bone
Unhinge all of your joints to become some kind of sex octopus capable of positions contortionists can only dream about.

Two Turnips
Present your partner with a turnip. Say in a sexy voice, “There are two turnips in this room. Find the second.” The second turnip is inside a shoe by the door.

“The Bear is Here”
Whisper this right before orgasm. When asked for an explanation, act like you don’t remember saying anything. Then keep doing it forever.

Now think of me when you are enjoying great sex!
wes

Dreams are confusing! And the “dreams” I’m talking about are the bizarre hallucinations that we have while sleeping. The other type of “dream” where you aspire to be an astronaut is MUCH less confusing (Because that will never happen, sorry. We’re all too dumb and out of shape to go to space).

So to clear up some confusion, here are the MEANINGS behind common dreams you may have:

Teeth Falling Out
This means that you’re worried about financial problems! Probably because new teeth are very expensive, as an avid tooth collector myself.

Ability To Fly
Flying in dreams is the ultimate wish fulfillment. This is comes from a deep-seated envy of birds, which is why people hunt them for sport.

Dead Relative Predicting Upcoming Disaster with Perfect Accuracy
This one is so annoying!! It seems like you can never close your eyes without the grim face of long-dead relatives describing earthquakes, fires, and other horrible disasters with complete and total accuracy, down to the exact location and body count. What a way to start the day!

Sleep tight, everyone!
wes

Today's incomplete explanation of the day is 1086: Eyelash Wish Log. Help us fix it!

http://www.explainxkcd.com/1086

1418: Horse

http://www.explainxkcd.com/1418

If you’re coming to this site for the first time, you may want to start with the very first page of Fans I ever published, here.

You can read this story from the beginning here. (It became 57 pages instead of 39 due to a format change.)

I have very little time tonight to say what I wanted to say about this story, but it’s very surprising, and yet oddly fitting, that Peter Parker was killed off exactly at the same time Zachary Zyzzyva was. I wish I could say that we planned that particular parallel between the two.

But really, I’ve felt for a while now that Spider-Man is a Shakespearean tragedy deferred. “With great power” etc., but he always seems to take on more and more responsibility without expanding his powers at the same rate. (To be fair, he has joined the Avengers and Horizon Labs, two organizations that have expanded his overall effectiveness considerably, but all it takes is one death in his general proximity to send him back into the shame spiral.)

Retirement is no escape: it would only sharpen his awareness of everything he couldwould no longer be doing to oppose evil, preserve life and help the weak. Eventually, and one might say inevitably, such guilt would lead him to lay down his own life rather than add another death to the tally on his ledger. Zach is not someone who feels a lot of responsibility for individual deaths, but his larger sense of duty to his nation and the world ultimately lead him to compromise his own safety.

Zachary’s fate might also be seen as a refutation of themes in Fans, where characters’ specialized knowledge often leads them to triumph against the “webmasters” of society: the wealthy, the shadow government operatives and other high-level manipulators. What the Fans had that Zachary doesn’t is true community. Zach tries to relate to others but his power is ultimately isolating, much like Peter’s guilt.

And, well, that’s probably all I should say. Talk amongst yourselves!

The post Webmasters, 57 of 57 appeared first on Fans.

The post Webmasters, 56 of 57 appeared first on Fans.

Sorry this one updated so late, guys: I fell asleep around 9:30 PM tonight. Or… last night? Anyway, um, Merry Christmas! (New strip coming 10ish PM December 27 EST)

The post Webmasters, 55 of 57 appeared first on Fans.

The post Webmasters, 54 of 57 appeared first on Fans.