My youngest turned 5 last week, a fact that catapulted me into a tailspin of existential angst. How is she so big? Where did this time go? Where is the little girl I carried? etc etc.

At the same time, 5 has always been my favorite age. It’s such a great stage, where kids are still cute and curious and cuddly, but also emerging with reason and logic and thoughtfulness. Last year, Karis’s birthday fell in the midst of a family trip, and really just involved cupcakes and some Minnie Mouse plates with the family. So this year, I wanted to really do a party for her.

Planning a party with a 4-almost-5-year-old is a tenuous negotiation of fantasy and reality. Karis had some wild ideas. She wanted a frozen-themed party, but she also wanted each child to wear a specific costume she had chosen for them, including a pirate, some Star Wars characters, and a few princesses. There may have been scripts and storyboards involved. I had to gently explain that having a birthday party doesn’t mean telling all of your guests what to wear/do/say . . . and finally we settled on sticking to Frozen.

Birthday Express supplied our party décor, and we went with one of their themed “party packs” that includes everything you need for a party. I loved getting everything in one box and not having to think about it, and the décor was really cute. I have a feeling I’ll be ordering these for birthdays now on.

The girls were out-of-their-minds excited about the décor, and decorated all by themselves.

I think it turned out really cute.

The one big request for her birthday is that she wanted a birthday cake. “I’ve never had a birthday cake,” she said to me wistfully, and I reminded her that we’ve had cupcakes every year. “That’s NOT cake!”  So funny, the things we miss. She felt slighted by the cupcakes. I just thought they were cake that was easier to serve. So . . . we set out to find a cake and BOY DID WE EVER. Sweet E’s Bake Shop in Los Angeles made her a Frozen cake and when they sent the sketch over, I could not believe how amazing it looked. I set it on the table while she was otherwise occupied and then we walked her in for the big reveal . . .

Her reaction was priceless! It was like Christmas morning. She was so excited. Here’s a close-up:

I am still in awe of this thing. You can see it in more detail on Sweet E’s instagram page. We will never top this cake. Ever. And it tasted soooooo good. Blue velvet with cream cheese frosting.  Even Olaf was delicious. (Sorry buddy.)

A clothing boutique called My Little Jules sent the girls outfits for the day. They were from the brand Persnickety, and they looked like little Anthroplogie outfits. They loved them. In fact, India made me get photos of her by herself, too. The “looking off to the side” was her idea.

My friend Michele just started a business planning adorable birthday parties for little girls called Pretend and Play Productions. It’s a mobile party concept, and they do princess parties, cooking classes, crafts, and tea parties. She brought over a bevy of princess and fairy costumes for the kids to wear.

They also got to have their makeup done (very subtle! thank you Michele!) and their hair glittered.

After they were all dressed up, they had a tea party. (The tea was lemonade and they felt very fancy with their beautiful tea sets/)

After their tea, they decorated flip-flops (the official footwear of California princesses, of course.)

It was a fun craft and served as our party favors as well. I was so thankful for Michelle’s creativity because I would never have thought of this. (Michele also provided all the tea sets, the table and chairs, etc. I’ve mentioned it before, but this is the kind of birthday party I like to throw . . . where someone else does all the work. If you are local and interested in a party like this, you can email Michele here.)

They also had a little fashion show and a dance party.

Another funny request from Karis – she wanted every one of her friends’ brothers to come, AND a few of the boys’ friends that don’t even have sisters and are several years older than her. She was really clear on this point. So I explained to the parents that yes, it’s a very girly party and yes, their presence is requested. And then I had them play on the trampoline during the tea party. (Which they were happy to do.)

(The boys were welcomed to partake in the tea party and dress-up, too. We did not have any takers.)

And finally! It was time to dive into that cake . . . which all the kids were very keen to do.

That face! Love that girl. Loved celebrating her.

A huge thanks to Sweet E’s bakery for providing the cake, to My Little Jules for the adorable outfits, to Birthday Express for the décor, and Pretend and Play Productions.for making it such a fun day!

There’s a very specific sort of kitchen math that runs through my brain every time I stare into my refrigerator and try to figure out what to make.

Six carrots + 8 radishes + 2 sticks of butter + half a pot of leftover chicken soup + 1/2 bundle wilting kale + block of cream cheese – one bagel’s worth of cream cheese + yesterday’s pudding experiment.

Unfortunately the hungrier I am when I approach the refrigerator, the more difficult it is the process this math.

If I made the radishes a snack.  If I combine the wilted kale with the leftover chicken soup.  If I pray that there’s oil enough, eggs enough, canned pineapple enough, sugar enough,  and flour enough… maybe just maybe I can produce Carrot Cake Cupcakes from a good long stare in the fridge.

I wish for you the same success!

Shredded carrots by the heap-ful are mixed together with sugar, eggs, and vegetable oil.

No mixer, even!

Just a bowl, a whisk, and a dream.

Cinnamon, ginger, and ground cloves spice this batter.  It’s simple!

Dried cranberries and crushed pineapple sweeten and moisten the batter.

Sorry I made you say ‘moisten’ in your brain.  Nobody likes that.

Everytime I decide to make cupcakes I immediately try to talk myself out of it.  All of this individual scooping and individual frosting just seems like an ordeal in the part of my baker’s brain that says ‘don’t work that hard, this could be a Bundt cake!’.

But I’m glad I turned this Carrot Cake batter intocupcakes.  I took them to a backboard barbecue here in New Orleans in an effort to make new friends.  People were like, ‘whoa these are really good!’ and I was like ‘DUH, I’m Joy the Baker, dummy!’.  (But I only said that last part in my head, so….).

Calling someone a dummy while trying to make new friends is not suggested.

Cream Cheese Frosting with a dash of crushed pineapple.  The pineapple in the frosting will mimic the pineapple in the cupcakes.  It’s like matching your purse and your belt.  You know.

Springtime friendship makers.  Soft and sweet with really great frosting.  They’re like little cupcake weapons… for friendship.

Try them.  You’ll see.

Earlier today, Christianity Today reported on a shift in World Vision’s employment policy in regards to sexual morality. World Vision is a Christian organization dedicated to serving impoverished children, and has always held a pretty rigid code of morality for employees. Specifically, employees are not to engage in sex outside of marriage. But recently, the organization decided that it would not discriminate against professed believers in a legal, same-sex marriage,. World Vision did not take a public stance on scripture or same-sex marriage, but rather chose to remain neutral on what CEO Stearns describes as a divisive issue among Christians.

"It's easy to read a lot more into this decision than is really there. This is not an endorsement of same-sex marriage. We have decided we are not going to get into that debate,” Stearns said. “Changing the employee conduct policy to allow someone in a same-sex marriage who is a professed believer in Jesus Christ to work for us makes our policy more consistent with our practice on other divisive issues."

News of this policy change spread like wildfire, with many Christians applauding World Vision’s decision. Still, others were quick to denounces World Vision, threatening to drop the children they sponsor though the organization. Several Christian leaders were vocal with their disapproval. Justin Taylor of the Gospel Coalition, Russell Moore, president of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention, and Denny Burk, professor at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary (and apparent self-appointed gatekeeper of Christiandom) had condemning responses up within hours of the news.

 

This response is disheartening to me on many levels. First, because I don’t believe that World Vision really even took a stance on gay marriage. They are an aid organization dedicated to ending child hunger. In my opinion, their employee mandates are what I would expect for church employment, but a bit rigid for a non-profit working on poverty issues. My view is that as Christians, we should be willing to partner with anyone wanting to advance our call to help the poor. You have 13 sexual partners each week but you want to help me build a school in Haiti? Alright. Get your work shoes on. Of course, it is Word Vision’s prerogative to hold the standards they do, but for me to lend support they are unnecessary. I don’t live in a world where I require everyone I do business with to follow my exact moral code.

But I’m also dismayed because I suspect that none of this would have been front-page news or worthy of outrage if World Vision had simply removed their rules about employee sexual conduct in general. Somehow, same-sex “sin” is the issue that Christians get riled up about. If World Vision had said, hey, you know? We’re not going to comment on the sex lives of our employees, period . . . I just really doubt World Vision would be getting “Rob Belled” right now. People would probably not care, because there are plenty of Christian organizations that don’t require every employee to sign behavioral contracts. Call me cynical but I really suspect this is more about the idea of gay employees than it is about issues of purity amongst World Vision employees.

More than the frustrating subtle homophobia, though, is the fact that people are willing to make starving children the victims of a socio-religious debate.

This is so sad to me. We’ve sponsored children through World Vision for over 10 years, and anyone who sponsors a child knows that World Vision creates a very personable relationship between the sponsor and the child.

We currently sponsored Santiague, who is 15 and lives in Haiti, and Dalvin, who is 7 and lives in Uganda. Santiague lives with his parents, 3 brothers, and 2 sisters. His parents struggle to provide for the family. His mother and father are farm laborers but they are  not able to meet their family’s needs. With our help, Santiague is in school, and his community is provided with seeds and training on new farming methods. Dalvin lives in a community gravely affected by the HIV/AIDS epidemic and has lost his parents. He lives with his sister and grandmother. Our sponsorship helps meet his basic needs, and also provides healthcare improvement for the entire community. Theses are the referral pictures we got when we first signed up with World Vision:

It has been a blessing to get updates over the years and watch them thrive.

It is unfathomable to me that people would choose to punish and drop the child they sponsor over a difference in doctrine . . . or in this case, an organization’s decision to allow for differences. I visited the World Vision facebook page and was so incensed by the number of people announcing their dropped support of sponsored kids. As my friend Nish said on twitter:

Wanna piss me off? Pick debatable doctrine over giving a child food, water, healthcare, safety and education.

Is access to food, water, and education trumped by keeping gay people out of a job at a nonprofit? If we want to serve people, we should not make distinctions about who we serve, and we should not deny those we serve out of disunity or division. It's astounding to me that Christians would take food from starving children because a gay person might have helped in getting it there.

I’m concerned that children who are served by World Vision will suffer, and I’d hate to see that happen. I’m also concerned that the exhiling of Word Vision from certain Christian circles will further erode the divide of believers who are at odds on the issue of same-sex marriage, when their entire purpose was to avoid the division inherent in this issue. Are we really ready to excommunicate one another on this issue? I’m so tired of Christians trying to remove a seat from the table from people who have different views on this.

I’m also just so, so dismayed that this is yet another instance in which Christians are telling the world that their feelings about gay people are stronger than their compassion. That their anger over gay employees is greater than their anger over starving children.

I am thankful this does not represent all of us. I would love to see people concerned about this pick up the slack of Christians who are dropping their children over this.

I’ve decided today to sponsor another child. I’d love to see 100 more kids sponsored today. Will you consider it?

 

NOTE: I’m not going to have the comment section devolve into a debate on the scriptures about homosexuality. We’ve heard them. We know them. We’ve all got difference opinions of how they apply. There are plenty of places online to have that debate, but I believe it’s a derail to this discussion. World Vision did NOT take a moral or scriptural stance on this issue, but rather stated that they are “deferring to the authority of churches and denominations on theological issues.”  So let’s talk about World Visions decision, it’s implications, and our feelings about it, but avoid the “is it a sin or isn’t it” debate. World Vision has chosen to side-step that question, reminding us that they are a global aid organization, not a theological gatekeeper.

I launched my Facebook page for this blog in September 2011. I am elated and blessed to have had such a tremendous response from people who care to be a part of what I call the "SFB Family" through reading my blog and/or keeping up with the blog on Facebook. Last night I achieved a very special milestone on my SFB Facebook page and I am elated and blessed to share the news that the count reached 10,000 fans. I heard from fan #10,000 personally, and that made it even more special to me, because my readers are why I love being "here" in the first place.

I started this blog as a bride-to-be in Oklahoma on the verge of making a cross-country journey to New York following my honeymoon in June 2011. At that time, the lifelong Oklahoma girl became a bride and began a new chapter of my life in a new place. I sat out as a newlywed making new homemaking and cooking discoveries I have shared here and through my FB page.

In the time I have had my blog, I have been asked by several who have started their own blogs the question, "What secret to success can you give me for my blog?" My answer is always the same: the answer lies not within me, but within them. Your blog should be a reflection of your life, an extension of who you are. That has always been my aim. I believe when you are reflecting yourself, that who you are shows through in different aspects of your life that you choose to bring to your blog. One of those aspects of my life I aspired to reflect in my blog from the very beginning has been not just telling, but showing my readers the power of one person to touch someone else. The power each one of us has to do that through any size act of kindness. I believe from the small acts spring forth seeds to grow in size a tremendous amount of good in our world today.

Food traditions and family recipes have always been a special part of my life from the time I was a young child. I seek to share not only some of those recipes here, but the stories behind them, in some cases the people behind them, as well. In doing so, I have been inspired myself to explore in my kitchen new recipe creations honoring these same traditions I was raised with that I watched first-hand in my late Grandma Cleva's Oklahoma kitchen.

Here we are in that beloved kitchen in 1979. She taught me invaluable lessons about cooking and baking, so much of her technique is reflected in my recipes, in my kitchen today. 

As my blog is all about my journey, when I aspired to create a new recipe to celebrate 10,000 fans milestone, I looked to one of the new friendships I have made during my time here in Northern NY for inspiration because it was my heart sister in Christ, Denise, who requested I share a recipe for carrot cake. This blog post also marks the first time I have shared a "selfie" picture with you. Here are Sister Denise and I are last night at prayer time at our friend Sister Karen's home.


My recipe is a lightened-up version of this traditional cake. I couldn't resist naming it "10-Carat" not because it literally calls for 10 carrots in the recipe, but 10-Carat so perfectly describes the joy I receive from my readers every single day.

If you are a fan of The Southern Fried Bride on Facebook, this week I will be having 10 giveaways to celebrate 10,000 fans. If you have not visited my FB page, you can stop by here  and I would love it if you left a message to let me know you stopped by my little Southern fried corner of Facebook.


                                                             

While watching the second day of the trial of George Zimmerman, the Florida man who pulled the trigger and shot Trayvon Martin to death, I got real clear on America's justice system: If someone like Zimmerman decides that, like Trayvon, my black sons look suspicious and follows them--all despite the police saying not to--and shoots them while they're talking on their cell phone to a friend, that friend will be put on the stand during the trial and grilled about whether English is his or her first language, and whether he or she knows how to read and write in cursive.

The depth of condescension while Zimmerman's disgraceful attorney questioned Trayvon's friend, Rachel Jeantel, the thinly veiled racial doublespeak, and the attempt to turn Trayvon's use of the n-word and calling Zimmerman a cracker into a, "You see America, they're racist against us and they call each other racist names, so clearly, Trayvon Martin was an animal who attacked poor innocent George," moment made my blood boil.

And as Jeantel was being given the "you sho is big, black, and dumb" routine by Zimmerman's attorney, I saw folks in my social media six degrees of separation losing hope. Sure, we raked Paula Deen over the coals for her "I is what I is and I ain't changin'" racism--and she got fired from a whole bunch of places--but if we're honest, earlier this week after the Supreme Court of the United States dismantled that cornerstone of the civil rights movement, the Voting Rights Act of 1965, many of us were left feeling more than a little bit powerless. After all, we live in a world where Walmart can fire Paula Deen, but as powerful as they are, even they cannot fire Clarence Thomas.

Indeed, as we absorbed yet another reminder that when black folks pledge allegiance to the flag "with liberty and justice for all," that "all" is still conditional, folks began preparing themselve mentally and emotionally for Zimmerman to be acquitted of murder because there's no way a white female jury can avoid being sucked into the constant othering and pathologizing of black Americans--of a black male like Trayvon Martin, and a black female witness like Rachel Jeantel.

In "A Letter to Rachel Jeantel" the brilliant Kadijah Costley White summed up so well how the racial pathologizing of Jeantel includes, "comparisons to 'Precious' (as if Gabourey Sidibe isn't a real person or, irony of ironies, that Precious wasn't also a victim of trauma)," and "people making fun of your frankness, your tenacity, your refusal to codeswitch out of your mother-sister-brother tongue."

Watching Jeantel testify I thought of the many times I've been spoken to with racist condescension by a white person. Every black person has had those moments where we've said to ourselves, if I was white, you wouldn't talk to me like this. I've never been in a witness box, but I've felt the condescension when, for example, white women have tried to pet my hair. But being insulted is the least of black folks' worries. Dire consequences can result when the person bringing their inherent sense of superiority to your attention is a police officer, or a judge, or your boss. You point out the racism and you're the problem that needs to be dealt with.

Despite that reality, what gave me hope is when Costley White wrote to Jeantel,

You exemplify, in your girth, skin tone, language, and manner, a refusal to concede. You are a thousand Nat Turners, a quiet spring of rebellion, and some folks don't know how to handle that.

In truth, you're part of a long legacy of black women so often portrayed as the archetypal Bitch, piles of Sassafrasses, Mammies, and Jezebels easily dismissed, caricatured, and underestimated. For black women, in particular, being the bitch represents our historical exclusion from the cult of true womanhood, a theme traditionally bounded and defined by its contrast to white femininity. For some folks, being black and being a woman makes us less of both.

Although America may dismiss Rachel Jeantel, all of us so-called angry black bitches are a collective spirit sitting in the witness box with her. America may not see Jeantel's--or our--inherent nobility, bravery, beauty, intelligence, and truth, but it's there, whether you like it or not. And we will not be silent.

Costley White went on to write of Jeantel, "In you I see a fierce resistance that reminds me of ancestors past. Each time you open your mouth, look down, clench your cheeks in a fresh wave of pain, I see Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman, and Fannie Lou Hamer joining their spirits and bonding their strength to yours."

Ancestors past.

While Rachel Jeantel was on the stand today, President Obama made a pilgrimage to the Goree Island Slave Trade House in Senegal and looked out the Door of No Return. Obama said the visit is a reminder

"that we have to remain vigilant when it comes to the defense of people's human rights–because I'm a firm believer that humanity is fundamentally good, but it's only good when good people stand up for what's right. And this is a testament to when we're not vigilant in defense of what's right, what can happen."

Perhaps the ancestors of a murdered teenager named Trayvon Martin were forced through that same door and into chattel slavery here in the New World. Even though his--and my--ancestors could not in one instant overthrow the institution of slavery, they resisted and chipped away at it with every breath. There was no justice for them, but they did not stop trying to achieve it.

Our confidence that Trayvon will get justice hangs by a thread--depending on whether those members of the jury want to be, as Obama said, good people standing up for what's right. Yet we cannot be silent or hesitant in agitating for that justice, for demanding that people actually do what's right. We cannot wait, my sons cannot wait, this country cannot wait.

Every week you’re invited to join me in Writer’s Workshop by responding to one of the provided writing prompts posted each Tuesday. The directions are simple:

• Choose a writing prompt from the list provided that inspires you most.
• Write.
• Come back this Thursday and link up by pasting the URL from your post into the list of thumbnails that will be displayed. Just scroll to the bottom of the thumbnail list, click the bold words you will see that say “Click here to enter” and you’re all set!

View more detailed instructions on how this weekly meme works in the Writer’s Workshop FAQs. To receive writing prompts in your inbox each week, subscribe to the writing prompt newsletter here.

Writing Prompts:

1.) 15 Reasons You’re Awesome. (inspired by LouLou’s Views)
2.)  Give us a tour of a room in your house you love. (inspired by Neon Fresh)
3.) But it’s got a great beat! Tell us about a song you loved growing up even though the lyrics were ridiculous.
4.) Oklahoma. (inspired by South Main Muse)
5.) Your week in Instagram photos! (inspired by Live, Laugh, Read)

Some Favorite Entries From Last Week:

“I can’t spend my whole life waiting for someone else to confirm my own memories for me.” -Musings and Meanderings

“I have a special needs child but I sometimes think he’s more “normal” than I am.” -Life’s Little Detours

“Keep your overpriced headphones Dr. Dre and Sol.  I’ll save my money for diapers.” -Mommy’s Lounge

“I had to ask small child to repeat himself…. “Dad’s Not Breathing!!!”… I am out of bed… throwing on flip flops and racing for the door before he finishes telling me the ambulance is on the way” -Smiffbib

“We were supposed to bring our own picnic, but since my hubby is the assistant coach, I thought it would be nice to bring an extra treat for the team.” -Vinobaby’s Voice

See you Thursday!

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© Mama Kat for Mama's Losin' It, 2013. | Permalink | 3 comments

“I’m headed to Brazil, and I’ll be gone for a week,
You’re in charge of the house now, please try not to freak.”

With tears in my eyes I cried, “We’ll miss you so much!”
But, deep down inside, I thought, “Man, this is clutch!”

I’d have the bed to myself, the remote would be mine.
And no one to judge me for drinking a bottle of wine.

Alone in the house, I could burp or pass gas,
For once, no one trying to tap that ass.

How hard could it be, this single-parenting gig?
I’d put the boys to bed early. Oh the beer that I’d swig!

The first night was great, it went according to plan,
So, I woke up thinking, “I don’t need no man!”

But, slowly the shit storm began to move in,
“You think this is easy?” it asked with a grin.

It threw things at me from every which way,
And had ripped me a new one by the end of the day.

I awoke this morning at the crack of dawn,
To find Luca holding some empty Goo Gone.

“I cleaned the house, mommy, I did all my chores,”
He proudly proclaimed, as I slid across the floor.

But, that’s not all, he also cleaned some chairs;
a couch, and the kitchen, and some of the stairs.

We’ll talk later, just get dressed for school,
But, seriously dude, that was so not cool.

He took a deep breathe and said, “But, mommy, that’s not all.
I also helped clean some paint off the wall.”

It’s been four long days that my husband’s been gone,
Suddenly selling my children doesn’t seem all that wrong.

Who knew single-parenting could be such a challenge?
I’m in shock that my mom didn’t drink beer by the gallon.

This week I’ve decided one very big thing,
That nothing could make me take off this ring.

You slept with a hooker? You lost all our money?
Divorce? Don’t be silly. We’ll work it out, honey!

I’ve taken for granted the support I have each day,
And realized a quick BJ’s a small price to pay.

Now, I’d like to take a moment, I’d like to raise my glass,
To all of you who have no help when it comes to wiping ass.

* * *

Dear husband,

You can come home now.

Seriously.

The post An Ode to Single Parents appeared first on me and mine.

We're not props.  We weren't props when we demanded equal access to the American Way of Life as suffragists..  We weren't props when we marched for the ERA or in support of Roe v Wade.  We aren't props now, as we ask our legislators for sensible gun legislation.

We weren't deluded nor used as unwitting tools of an undefined evil then, and we are not now. Funny how those sorts of labels seem to attach themselves to women acting out, speaking up, making their voices heard.  "I don't care if he thinks I am annoying, I'm going to keep calling," wrote a female friend.  I think it's time to stop worrying about how they feel and start taking charge of things ourselves.

AT&T used to advertise that more calls were made on Mothers' Day than on any other day of the year.  Men who never picked out a card at any other time of year make sure to send one home to Mom every May.  As Big Cuter and I can attest, when babies are born on Mothers' Day, the hospital gives every new mother a rose. Unlike Columbus Day, no one worries if it is politically correct to celebrate it.  How can you be against Moms?

Moms Demand Action is calling this Mothers' Day Week of Action.  The link will take you to the program planning page, which suggests emails and letters to the editor and phone calls and gatherings.  I am more intrigued by the Do-It-Yourself Flowers.
You cut tissue paper or the Sunday comics or colorful magazine pages to somewhere between 8x14 and 12x8... the directions are kind of funky on the issue.  Fold it into 2" accordion pleats, cut the folded edge into fringe, tape one end onto the top of a bamboo skewer, roll it up,  and secure it with more tape. Unfurl and ta-dah!!  If you follow this link you'll find more explicit directions and pictures, too.  I excerpted them here so that you can see how easy it will be.

When?  Are you wondering what I have in mind?  Moms Demand Action is encouraging Mothers' Day Eve parties, and I'm jumping on the bandwagon.  You and the kids, you and your bridge partners, you and yourself... you can all make a difference.  Gather the supplies, clear off the kitchen table, and create eight home made works of wonder, to celebrate the lives of the eight children who die as a result of gun violence every day.

Then, take some pictures... take lots of pictures... and send them around.  Email them and tweet them to your local and federal officials. Post them on social media.  Send them to your local newspaper, leave them on the doorstep of your Senator's office.

That's where mine are going... right to Jeff Flake's heavily secured office door.  It's what I can do, right now.

Hold on a second, I need to jump up on my soapbox.

Ready?

Ready.

So. You. You, the person who sees fantastic recipes on Facebook and hits the Share link, QUIT BREAKING THE FREAKIN' LAW.

I'm serious.

I should probably back up for a second ... I think it first hit my radar about two months ago. I opened up Facebook and saw one of my photos. It was a photo from a recipe that I very definitely made up all by myself. It was a recipe that very definitely didn't exist on the internet before I posted it. Next to the photo were some of my words. Not all of them mind you, but some of them. Enough of them to describe how to make the food in that photo THAT I TOOK AND OWN AND MAINTAIN FULL COPYRIGHT OVER.

But I hadn't posted it on Facebook.

So, I clicked the link and found a whole page filled with recipes, intermixed with (IRONICALLY) Bible verse after Bible verse. Every one of the recipes had been illegally taken from a blogger's website. Apparently you can be a good Christian while breaking copyright laws.

That's what it is, by the way. IT IS BREAKING THE LAW TO TAKE A PHOTO THAT BELONGS TO SOMEONE ELSE AND POST IT AS YOUR OWN.

More so, when you hit that Share link, you're being a GIANT jerkface. It's not "sharing" or "being nice" or a compliment when you share that photo that you have no right to share. The photo is stolen. You distributed stolen goods.

I don't know exactly what the law says about all of this, but I can point you to Facebook's Terms of Service. Go down to Protecting Other People's Rights and read the first line. They say it right there -- if you share content that is stolen, you are violating the Terms of Service.That means your account can be suspended without warning. Then how will you play Candy Crush all day long?

There's a right way to share content that you find on the internet and there's a wrong way. Let's go over it, shall we?

Posting a link to a recipe that you want to try? RIGHT WAY!

Copying and pasting a recipe into a post? WRONG WAY!

Posting a link to a blog that frequently posts content that you like? RIGHT WAY!

Downloading that photo of my daughter and posting it on your own Facebook account? WRONG WAY!

That happened, by the way. A few weeks after the recipe post, I found this photo of Alexis on a Facebook page.

As I always do when I find my copyrighted materials used somewhere without permission, I sent a polite message. Just a little, "Hey there! That's my photo. Could you please remove it?"

The page owner didn't take it down. Instead, she posted a rant about "stupid people who don't know how the internet works." No. Really. She said that. On a public page where I could see it.

So I sent a cease and desist email. Sadly, I have one saved on my computer. I have one because I send it at least five times per month. At least five times per month I spend my valuable time telling people it's not OK to steal my property.

After the cease and desist email, I got a reply. "I found the photo on the internet. If it's on the internet, I can use it."

FALSE! NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT TRUE!

The page owner then went to my Facebook page and left a rather lovely post on the wall, which hopefully no one saw because I deleted it and banned the person faster than you can say THE NERVE.

I filed a complaint with Facebook and the content was removed, but still. STILL. That's not the point. The point is why should I have to actively work to get other people to obey the law? I very seriously don't understand.

So.

So ... I guess my point is, please! Please do share my links and tell your friends how great I am! But please don't copy and paste my stuff and try to pass it off as your own. And PLEASE stop sharing those photos and recipe posts on Facebook. Not only do your friends think you are SUPER annoying (and they do!), you're encouraging someone to steal.

Stealing isn't cool. Never has been, never will be.

<end rant>

Yesterday, I stood up in front of 500 people and asked a question that changed my life.

And, you know, if you’re going to stand up in front of 500 people, it had better be a danged good question. Or you’d better have a danged good reason for asking it. Or, mostly, you’d better be pretty brave and not at all self-conscious about excessive sweating.

Or, there’s another option. You feel something inside of you. A push, a nudge, a voice, or a concrete wordless knowing that you’re moving in a direction intended only for you.

It was the latter that prompted me to ask the question. While being brave. While being nervous. While sweating. None of these things are mutually exclusive.

I stood in front of Dr. Wayne Dyer, Reid Tracy (the president of Hay House Publishing), and 500 gorgeous, eager, and hopeful wordsmiths at a writing workshop in Denver, and though shaking in front of such illustrious characters, I asked the question that changed my life.

A fuzzy picture of Dr. Wayne Dyer and yours truly, taken April 28th, the day of the nudge of destiny.

 

What was the question?

No, I’m serious. What was the question? (It’s all such a blur.)

I asked about literary agents, Mr. Tracy asked me about my blog, I asked Dr. Dyer about how to know when an option in front of you is right for you, even though it feels squishy (squishy?). I asked these things, and they gave enlightening answers, and then Reid Tracy said, “I’d like you to join me at a writer’s intensive I’m doing with Cheryl Richardson next month in Boston, as my guest.”

The enormity of this offer may be easy to overlook, and it was difficult even for me to comprehend for a brief moment, until we took a break and so many compatriots rushed to my side to congratulate me, to say they felt like they watched someone’s life change in the blink of an eye, to encourage me that everything from this moment on is going to be up, up, and away. (But not too far away; I kind of like it here.)

And really, what did I do to deserve this, except follow a nudge and ask a question?

You know what, though? It wasn’t the question, or the offer, or the potential future that changed my life. It was simply following the nudge to where it took me, being so present and unwavering that no amount of fear could get in the way. What changed my life was finally trusting my nudge, in the midst of something scary. What changed my life didn’t happen outside; it all happened inside. It doesn’t happen tomorrow; it happens right now.

But … You Haven’t Blogged In Months. What’s Up With That?

This all goes together and there’s something at the end for you to chew on, so stick with me.

You may remember this post, one of the last I wrote before taking my extended break, explaining how I’d gone through a bit of a melt-up, where everything looked so much different to me suddenly.

Well, I put the cart before the horse when I said I was ready to come back, and with perspective, this is why:

You know that feeling you get when you first put on a new pair of slightly tight jeans? That feeling where you want to stretch a bit, push out your stomach to make the waistband expand so it’s not cutting into your flesh, where you need to be IN your jeans for a while before you can be OUT in your jeans in front of people?

That’s what it felt like. Like, here I was with this grand view of the world, but it wasn’t quite comfortable to me yet, and how on EARTH could I share anything if I wasn’t at home in the way I was seeing the world we live in?

Taking a page from the Tao Te Ching, I began following this one simple thought:

“Do you have the patience to wait
until your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
until the right action arises by itself?”

And, with mindfulness (and sometimes just flat-out laziness), I waited while doing only the things I felt compelled to do (eat, sleep, take care of the Market, read, bake bread … quiet things). I began paying attention to the nudges that before I would have ignored. I began saying “yes” to them instead of shoving them down because I had other things to do.

One of the most profound nudges (or, as Lao Tzu would say, “right actions arising”) came the day I received the postcard in the mail announcing the Writing From Your Soul Workshop in Denver last weekend. It was like I had no choice, regardless of how much money it cost. I had to go. There was no “should,” there was only “do.”

Over the next weeks, I began feeling urges to blog again. I made things, and I took pictures, and I formed words in my head, but when it came time to put them out there, they just … poof. Gone. Nothing. It wasn’t time yet.

So, I went to this writer’s workshop with the hopes that it would dislodge whatever log was in my noggin’. And it did.

Oh, how it did.

My noggin’ is so dislodged from logs, I’m buggin’.

(Ahem.)

So, before I bring this post to a wrap, let me say this: We’re back and we’re live on air, my lovely friends. I have so many ideas, so many things to share, so much I’ve learned. But! We’re also moving our household on May 12th, so things might be a bit rocky around here. One foot in front of the other, though. One foot, then the other.

The Nudge Is Everywhere, It’s Just Waiting For You To Pay Attention

We feel this nudge all the time, you know. You may call it God or intuition or right-action or Miss Suzy Annoying Voice. It doesn’t matter; it’s there.

It happens when you see a recipe, and without further thought, go into the kitchen and make an amazing meal. It happens when a friend calls and invites you to a movie, and instead of checking your calendar you just go. It happens when you wake up, and for no good reason at all, you swing open the curtains and yell “Good morning, sun!” after which your neighbor yells, “Good morning, weirdo!”

You can ignore the nudges all you want. That is an option, and it’s perfectly fine to do so. But you miss out on so much when you do. When you say “no” when it comes a’ pushing. When you’re too afraid, or you don’t want to make a mess, or you’re scared of what other people will think.

Pay attention to the nudge. When it says, “Put tomato on your face and see what happens,” put tomato on your face and see what happens. When it says, “Write a story,” write a story. When it says, “Be still,” be still.

And let go of all expectations of what comes after, because you never know what that may be.

Maybe you’ll make a mess, waste some money, break out in pimples in a million ways, fight with your husband, or sweat in front of 500 people.

Maybe you’ll annoy your incredible readers, because they’re tired of waiting for you to come back to your blog. (I love you, people.)

Or maybe you’ll change your life, in ways you’d never dreamed possible.

–

This post was brought to you by your very own nudge, asking you to pay attention to it more often. Wink wink. And nudge nudge, my dears.

Can you think of a time in your life where you listened to a nudge, even though it seemed crazy or impractical at the moment, and it changed your life – even just a little bit? I’d love to hear about it (we all would) in the comments.

When you’re done sharing, your nudge would like you to go put food on your face. We have to practice up for the months ahead of us!