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Updog finally launches
It doesn't take much to understand the updog joke — I probably learned it in about first grade or so — but its beauty and power is in its simplicity. Updog is a little mean-spirited, sure! A friend had an opportunity to interview Kim Kardashian, considered updogging her, and decided not to; it would have been too mean to her, he said. But as mean-spirited jokes go, I find updog to be pretty gentle, particularly since pretty much every native English speaker has heard (and forgotten) it at some point.
I can't speak for anyone but me, but this year sometimes just felt like a dumpster on fire in the middle of recently-napalmed landfill. We all did our best to find silliness where we could. I suspect this year's circumstances — both personal and national — led me to reach for a very simple source of joy that had lain dormant in some corner of my brain for 25 years or so. The updog was back.
And it wasn't just me. DARPA's experimental troll intelligence project Katie Notopoulos put together her favorite updogs of the year, but as with all year-end lists, it's sadly incomplete. It is, however, worth noting that Notopoulos is a remarkably able updogger herself:
But neither of these were my favorite updogs in 2014. This was:
This is a perfect execution, in part because it fits so well with Farhad's #personal #brand: the loveable perma-naif, stumbling through the world of tech bros and media hoaxers. Of course Farhad would be updogged sooner or later. If anyone is going to be on the receiving end of updog, it's Farhad. And it nicely removes any kind of meanness from the joke, since Farhad himself is the butt of it.
In the mean-spirited category of updog, there's this lovely abstract expressionist execution from — of all places — the PR world. Ed Zitron updogged someone in on the joke and still somehow managed to pull it off. This is what you hire public relations for, my friends.
I'm not sure how best to explain Mallory Ortberg of The Toast, so I'm just going to link to her Verge 50 profile. As one might expect, when you run a feminist blog, there are trolls; for this reason, The Toast's comment section is heavily pre-moderated. On Sunday night, a man emailed Mallory, asking why his racist comment wasn't being posted. So Mallory, may all the cats bless her, emailed him "It's probably a weird error" and encouraged him to spend more time writing comments, while setting him to perma-delete. That's pretty much all the background you need for this beautiful thing:
There's been no word, as of this writing, whether the attempted updog was successful. I understand there will be updates posting to this exciting new social network, Updog.pw, which seems like a prime opportunity for VC funding.
As for me, I'm watching to see what's hot for 2015, and there's an exciting new contender: the little-known diquefore. What's a diquefore? Exactly.
TripAdvisor Fined In Italy For Fake Reviews
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Uber CEO faces two years in prison for operating illegal taxi service in South Korea
South Korean prosecutors have indicted the founder of Uber, Travis Kalanick, for operating an illegal taxi service in the country. The formal accusation against Kalanick and another man, a local rental car service operator, was made without physical detention. Yonhap News says that violators of the Korean law in question, which stops rental car services from offering paid passenger transport, could face a fine of up to 20 million won ($18,121), or up to two years in jail.
Seoul citizens can earn bounties for reporting on Uber practices
Uber officially launched in the South Korean capital city of Seoul in August 2013, after a test phase that began in June, but only started trialling its UberX service — which pays private drivers for using their own car as a taxi — in August this year. The ride-sharing service faced anger from local taxi drivers, upset that amateur drivers were undercutting their fares. Where Uber doesn't require that its UberX drivers have any special licenses, private Seoul taxi drivers can reportedly expect to pay around 70 million won ($63,477) for the proper documentation.
The service also faced staunch opposition from local authorities: Korea's Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport declared that the ride-sharing app was illegal before it officially launched, and other branches of the administration made it clear that Uber would not be welcome in the country. "As soon as testing phases are over," a spokesperson for the Seoul city government said in September, "our dedicated squad will begin clamping down on Uber drivers." The city has made good on the threat, passing an ordinance last week that offers a 1 million won ($910) reward for anyone who reports on Uber's activities. For the moment, an Uber spokesperson said the service was operating as normal in the city.
Sojung Lim contributed reporting to this story.
Even the Rams punter thinks Marshawn Lynch's interviews are awesome
Seahawks superstar Marshawn Lynch's postgame media session on Sunday night was almost as talked-about as his unbelievable TD run. It seems NFL fans weren't the only ones who enjoyed it.
Rams punter Johnny Hekker began his conference call with Seattle media today by answering "thanks for asking.''
— Bob Condotta (@bcondotta) December 23, 2014
And worth noting:
Wow >> RT @ccpearce: Might have an NFL first: SEA media requested the punter for the conf call w opposing city. #puntersdoconferencecallstoo
— Albert Breer (@AlbertBreer) December 23, 2014
You're great, Johnny Hekker. We like you.
Russell Wilson, Drew Brees among 2015 Pro Bowl snubs
There were plenty of deserving players left off this year's initial Pro Bowl roster.
Now that the Pro Bowl rosters have been announced, it's time for our favorite debate of the NFL season -- who was snubbed by the voters? We know it is really hard for the fans, writers and coaches to agree on the best players in the league, so it should be no surprise that several deserving players were not invited to this season's all-star party.
Last year the NFL made a change to the Pro Bowl format to spur fan interest and create more buzz. Instead of the familiar AFC vs NFC format, the players voted to the game are assigned to teams by "captains" via a fantasy draft. There are 88 players that participate in the Pro Bowl, though not all of them are drafted. Four are chosen as offensive and defensive captains, two are picked by coaches to fill special needs, and others are assigned to teams in order to fill out the rosters after the initial draft selections. This year's Pro Bowl will take place on Sunday, January 25, 2015 at University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Ariz., one week before the Super Bowl is to be held there.
By taking conference affiliation out of the selection process, the format change has led to fairer results and has reduced the number of egregious mistakes made by the voters. But there were still a bunch of choices on this year's list of honorees that are hard to figure out. Here's a look at the most glaring snubs from the 2015 Pro Bowl roster:
Russell Wilson, QB, Seattle Seahawks
The Seahawks just need a win in Week 17 to seal up the top seed in the NFC for the second time in as many years. Yet somehow their superstar quarterback Russell Wilson was not honored as a Pro Bowler. Granted, there isn't a signal caller selected that wasn't deserving in their own right, but few players at the position challenge a defense in as many ways as Wilson.
Eddie Lacy, RB, Green Bay Packers
In 2013, Packers tailback Eddie Lacy ran for nearly 1,200 yards and 11 touchdowns, earning All-Pro and Pro Bowl honors in the process. Lacy has played even better this season, averaging over a half yard more per attempt and exceeding his touchdown total. This time, however, he did not earn a trip to the Pro Bowl. While Lacy isn't as big of a name, it's hard to argue LeSean McCoy had a better 2014 season.
Justin Forsett, RB, Baltimore Ravens
Baltimore's run game could have imploded after Ray Rice was sidelined with his suspension for domestic violence. Yet after several weeks of tinkering, the offensive coaching staff settled on journeyman Justin Forsett as the team's lead back. He responded with a career year -- 1,147 yards rushing and eight touchdowns.
Odell Beckham Jr., WR, New York Giants
Antonio Gates, TE, San Diego Chargers
Sports columnists wrote Antonio Gates' obituary multiple times over the past few seasons, but he keeps coming back with consistently great production. 2014 was his best season in at least four years as the future Hall of Famer caught 65 balls for 754 yards and 12 touchdowns with a game left to play.
Sheldon Richardson, DE, New York Jets
It's hard to garner Pro Bowl consideration when you're part of a terrible team, but Sheldon Richardson had a monster year for a 3-4 defensive end. The reigning Defensive Rookie of the Year doubled his sack total from a year ago while improving as a run stuffer.
Thomas Davis, LB, Carolina Panthers
Despite suffering multiple serious knee injuries, Thomas Davis remains a dynamic linebacker. He matched his career high for forced fumbles while coming in second on the Panthers in tackles.
Dragon Quest Heroes May be My Favorite Warriors-Style Game Ever
firehosesuddenly now that Warriors games are about franchises people in the West care about they're the best fucking games ever
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firehosethe only way to stop a bad choir with a song
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Amy Poehler
firehoseJimmy Fallon is the worst person in any room
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THAT’S IT I’M DELETING
I HAVE SEEN THIS SO MANY TIMES
IT NEVER GETS OLD
sallyscience: "Stop eating so much chocolate." Me: “NO I SHAN’T IT’S CHRISTMAS” "Stop listening to...
"Stop eating so much chocolate."
Me: “NO I SHAN’T IT’S CHRISTMAS”
"Stop listening to Christmas music."
Me: “NO I SHAN’T IT’S CHRISTMAS.”
"Stop trying to dress up the dog as a snowman."
Me: "NO I SHAN’T IT’S CHRISTMAS."
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arthurconandoyle: I LOVE THE GREAT MOUSE DETECTIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M SICK OF DENYING...
I LOVE THE GREAT MOUSE DETECTIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M SICK OF DENYING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE GREAT MOUSE DETECTIVE IS THE ONLY ADAPTATION OF MY WORK THAT TRULY UNDERSTANDS THE CRUCIAL THEMES
Newswire: Ellen Page is Han Solo, Jessica Alba is Princess Leia for Jason Reitman’s live read
firehose'Aaron Paul’s Luke Skywalker facing off against J.K. Simmons’ Darth Vader, Stephen Merchant contributing his British gangliness to C-3PO, Dennis Haysbert his insurance company pitchman smoothness to Lando Calrissian, and Kevin Pollak playing Yoda and myriad strangled Imperials. And now he’s brought Page in to play the gender-flipped Solo, hoping to reexamine Empire in the way he did with his all-black version of Reservoir Dogs and all-female Glengarry Glenn Ross. Or, at least, to get the Internet talking about what is otherwise just a bunch of actors sitting on stage, reading aloud a movie it’s seen 100 times.'
Likely fulfilling the dream of some Star Wars fan, who would normally keep that dream to themselves or a Reddit thread, Ellen Page will play Han Solo to Jessica Alba’s Princess Leia in the upcoming Empire Strikes Back live-read from Jason Reitman. As announced yesterday, Reitman is staging one of his now-traditional run-throughs of the film with another all-star cast, with Aaron Paul’s Luke Skywalker facing off against J.K. Simmons’ Darth Vader, Stephen Merchant contributing his British gangliness to C-3PO, Dennis Haysbert his insurance company pitchman smoothness to Lando Calrissian, and Kevin Pollak playing Yoda and myriad strangled Imperials. And now he’s brought Page in to play the gender-flipped Solo, hoping to reexamine Empire in the way he did with his all-black version of Reservoir Dogs and all-female Glengarry Glenn Ross. Or, at least, to get the Internet talking about what is otherwise just a bunch ...