My #wcw are these amazing, breathtaking, and artistic #brownballerinas from #dth! I look up to them so much and aim to be as great as they are one day! #ballet #love #dancetheatreofharlem #dance #browngirlsdoballet #repostedpicture #wearedth #womancrushwednesday #artists #pointe #brazillion by queenfierce__ https://instagram.com/p/zjHpEYKlWl/
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from Blog/The Trail Guide - Emotional Geographic:
When people ask me why I'm moving from Boston to Portland I wish I could just send them this blog post.
“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change.”
— Thich Nhat Hanh
I work as a therapist. I work as a consultant. I work as an executive coach. And I have heard this question hundreds, if not thousands of times over the course of my career. "Can people really change?" And behind that question is actually the statement, "I mean, he’s always going to be that way right? I mean, there’s no point in even getting him help, if he can’t change.”
The psychologist Gordon Allport once said that the definition of personality was essentially that you know who you are when you wake up tomorrow. So yes, there is something enduring about each of us. Some thread that runs through all of our years and make each of us who we are—so there is something in us that feels unchangeable. And indeed when those things do change—typically because of brain injury or memory loss—then we know longer feel like ourselves and people feel like they lost ‘us.’
So what do we mean when we talk about change? We don’t question whether babies and children can change. We pray that our teenagers will change. But somehow when we get to adulthood we believe in a fixed notion of a person. That they will essentially be who they are. So why bother with change—either my own or supporting someone else.
One of the problems is that change is a big topic. I can change my behavior: I can stop smoking or start exercising. I can shift my mindset and way of making meaning in the world: I can start taking another person’s perspective in a new way, or see a situation from multiple viewpoints—which I might call growth, but growth is change. I might use a behavior change to trigger growth: I might use behavioral change to stop interrupting people so that I am a better listener and with this change I can better understand other people’s perspectives.
Neuroscience, as I wrote about in the Norman Doidge book review, states unequivocally that our brains can, and do, change. Brains are designed with neuroplasticity—and our brains will change based on what we do: they will shift to match their use. So at the neural level the answer is OF COURSE PEOPLE CAN CHANGE.
But all of us, every single one of us also knows that, it can be really difficult to make change. It is difficult to shift something, to learn something new. This is why we find ourselves doing that same, frustrating thing, over and over again.
The question about whether people can change does make you want to take out the old joke about the light bulb. You know the one: How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but the light bulb has to really want to change. And our motivation for change, our readiness for change and how change is connected to what matters to us most all impacts our capacity for change.
But today I want to highlight the way we support ourselves and the way we think about change at all.
When I think about change I always start with the gurus of change: children. Why? Because in the right environment children grow beautifully, on their own trajectory. Even kids who have some big struggles, if you get any of the obstacles even slightly out of their way, they shoot forward, back on track. I have to say that the human brain and spirit loves to grow. I have witnessed it over and over and it has made me a devout believer in growth. Thich Nhat Hanh described it perfectly. We don’t blame the lettuce for not growing. We much look at the conditions we are asking the lettuce to grow in.
And this is where I think we are terrible about growth in adulthood. In the best of circumstances children live in a world where they can safely lean on the adults around them—where the ‘soil’ of their lives is safe enough that they can spend their energy growing. The ‘dependence’ and security of their lives doesn’t make them helpless, it provides a safe platform from which to launch.
In psychological terms we call this safe platform a ‘secure base’ and it provides external stability and an internal sturdiness to weather the turmoil of growth and change. This is what change requires. A secure base—something that feels solid enough to lean on and leap from.
And my observations is that adults get all confused about needing support or stability. Either they get fixated on the idea of stability and security as the goal itself, and forget to let go and trust the internal sturdiness. Or, they are so frightened of leaning on anyone or anything else that they never feel safe enough to let go and try something new because they have to use all of their energy staying put and holding themselves together.
So much of the work I do isn’t getting people to change or making people change: it is getting them to create an environment that would allow them to grow or heal or change. My experience is that adults want to grow too. That just like the kids I have worked with, when you can clear obstacles they often shoot forward on their own power. So in many ways change is complicated for adults because they are both the creators of the soil of their garden, and the seeds they would plant.
For children, change is the constant. They are used to feeling off balance a lot, which explains a lot of the meltdowns we help them through. They use up a lot of energy managing the ups and downs of change and growth—and they often long for something familiar and stable. Which is why they always want to hear the same story over and over, or watch the same movie over and over.
Adults often notice that they go through big changes when life throws them a curve ball: when there is a death, or divorce, or a birth, or a change of job. It seems that adults often have to be thrown overboard from life in order to get back into the ocean of growth. So it seems so important to help people understand that the goal of stability in adulthood isn’t stillness or "having arrived." The purpose of stability is to create a springboard. If we thought of our ability to use our relationships, and supports and strengths less as a “safe house to live in” and more like ‘fixed ropes’ to climb with—we would have a different experience of adulthood and growth. Growth is the very definition of disequilibrium. And when we think of adulthood as this ‘solid, stable platform’ then when we feel off-balance, we think we are doing something wrong. But if we thought of adulthood as ‘great climbing gear’ then we would know that the experience of feeling off balance here and there was simply the experience of moving forward.
So this week—rather than thinking about what you want to change. Ask yourself what you can do to create better conditions in your life for growth and change. What can you do to make the ‘soil’ of your life better for your own growth? And ask yourself what your attitude about change is. How do you understand the days you are off balance? When your foot is on one ledge and your hand is reaching up toward a handhold? How can you help yourself enjoy the feeling of shifting from one spot to another?
Bobby getting his read my lips moment out of the way early enough for people to forget about it
After years of hewing zealously to a promise never to approve a tax increase — a pledge that he believes also prevents the elimination of any state tax breaks — Gov. Bobby Jindal on Friday unveiled a budget plan for the coming year that trims tax credit programs by a whopping $526 million.
If the Legislature goes along with Jindal’s pivot on tax giveaways, the resulting windfall would plug roughly one-third of the $1.6 billion shortfall in the 2015-16 state budget.
Nearly three-fourths of the savings the state would realize from cutting the tax credits would come from a single program: the inventory tax credit. That credit for the past two decades has provided a full refund for inventory taxes, a property tax paid by businesses to local governments in Louisiana.
The tax is paid by more than 100,000 businesses, but the biggest payers tend to be oil refiners and other heavy industries. Any major cut to the refund program will face a stiff headwind of opposition from the state’s business lobby.
Jindal aides said Friday that the governor would support a repeal of the inventory tax itself, a development that would make businesses whole and that the business community would thus welcome. But were such a repeal to occur, many local governments would see drastic revenue shortfalls, particularly in Louisiana’s industrial corridors along the Mississippi River and around Lake Charles. The government of St. James Parish, for instance, derives nearly 20 percent of its revenue from the inventory tax.
New submitter SwampApe tips news that Uber has revealed a database breach from 2014. The company says the database contained names and diver's license numbers of their drivers, about 50,000 of which were accessed by an unauthorized third party. As part of their investigation into who was behind the breach, Uber has filed a lawsuit which includes a subpoena request for GitHub. "Uber's security team knows the public IP address used by the database invader, and wants to link that number against the IP addresses and usernames of anyone who looked at the GitHub-hosted gist in question – ID 9556255 – which we note today no longer exists. It's possible the gist contained a leaked login key, or internal source code that contained a key that should not have been made public."
'“I think foreign policy is something that’s not just about having a PhD or talking to PhD’s," he said. "It’s about leadership."
Walker contended that "the most significant foreign policy decision of my lifetime" was then-President Ronald Reagan's move to bust a 1981 strike of air traffic controllers, firing some 11,000 of them.
"It sent a message not only across America, it sent a message around the world," Walker said. America's allies and foes alike became convinced that Reagan was serious enough to take action and that "we weren't to be messed with," he said.
Walker's comments came two days after he took heat for saying at the Conservative Political Action Conference that his experience battling labor protesters in Wisconsin has prepared him to take on Islamic State terrorists.'
Scott Walker calls Reagan's bust of air traffic controller strike 'most significant ... Washington Post (blog) PALM BEACH, Fla. -- Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker (R) was wrapping up 45 minutes of talking to the Club for Growth here about economic growth and fiscal reform Saturday morning when a humbling question came hard and fast. Frayda Levin, a board ...
Blogtown. I write this today not as a lowly staff writer, but as the Mercury's news editor. We bid farewell to Denis Theriault last night in fitting fashion—with Denis forcing a bartender to queue up old Star Trek episodes on Netflix, then stupefying an entire karaoke bar with a Misfits song. When last I saw Denis, he was nodding off on a city bus. I hope he got home safely.
That said, my first proclamation as news editor is that Denis only ever be referred to as "The Turncoat Denis C. Theriault" (or "The Turncoat Denis COWARD Theriault") in these pages. We are nothing without rules. Please respect this one. On to the news:
Another bill that might be rocketing to Brown's desk would require use of cleaner fuel in your Subaru. It's a notion that environmentalists around the country say probably won't pay off, according to the O.
One of Vladimir Putin's most stalwart critics—a former high-ranking government official in Moscow—wound up shot to death yesterday. Who could be responsible?
Surprising news: Somehow the Department of Homeland Security didn't shut down yesterday, under congressional Republicans' bumbling watch. They were able to fund it for a week!
Today's sunset: 5:56 pm. And your weather looks great, Portland! That's unimportant, though, because I'm heading to Mexico this week. Here's my weather:
Florida police chief fired for arrest in prostitution sting seattlepi.com MIAMI GARDENS, Fla. (AP) — A South Florida police chief has been arrested for allegedly soliciting a prostitute. Stephen Johnson of the Miami Gardens Police was jailed Friday night during a prostitution sting by the Broward Sheriff's Office. An arrest report ...
…to design and construct sustainable garden studios that recognise innovation, passive solar principles, energy savings and the environment.
In most cases our garden rooms require no permit and cause minimal disruption, are designed and built in six weeks, and are installed on site in under five days.
A raclette is both a type of cheese and a dish that involves heating and then scraping that melted goodness. The important takeaway here is: how come most people outside Switzerland don't know about this why isn't this in every restaurant ever?
If the bill passes, Oregon would join Mississippi and West Virginia as the only states allowing exemptions solely for medical reasons, and no longer for religious, philosophical or personal reasons. Washington, California, and Vermont are considering similar bills that remove either the personal, religious or philosophical exemptions.
In an effort to curb speeding along a steep stretch of Hayward Boulevard, the City of Hayward in California installed seven traffic signs that are notable for their surprising sass. The city has released images of signs urging people to use their “eyes, brakes, brain,” clarifying that the 35 MPH speed limit is “a speed limit, not a suggestion,” and encouraging pedestrians to “cross the street, then update Facebook.” It’s unclear if the signs have reduced speeding, but they have been a hit online and in the media. The sign messages were created by Hayward city spokesperson Frank Holland.
“An adventure game based on Agatha Christie’s The A.B.C. Murders” – it’s like someone deliberately laid a Pip-trap.
Well it worked. I have now watched the trailer exactly THRICE:
The A.B.C. Murders is a Hercule Poirot mystery where the killer (who signs off in letters as A.B.C.) appears to be working through the alphabet when it comes to victims. Also present are regular companions Detective Chief Inspector Japp and Captain Hastings.
I’ve both read the book and watched the TV adaptation featuring David Suchet (multiple times) so I’m not sure quite how well the game will hold up given I know the clues and the killer pretty well. I think when there was a Nintendo DS version you had an option to play through with a different killer – an idea which really didn’t appeal although Wes Yin-Poole, writing for Videogamer, called it a “thoughtful, and welcome, addition”.
The game is beign developed by Microids and is due for release in summer 2015. I was going to watch the entirety of David Suchet’s Poirot again as diligent research but it’s not on Netflix anymore and I think my sister has my DVDs. DRAT.
The Omaha band has teamed up Rock Brothers in Tampa, Fla., and Nebraska Brewing in Papillion, Neb., bassist Aaron “P Nut” Wills confirmed in a tweet today while on their 311 Cruise Through the Caribbean.
SpzToid writes: Following up on an earlier Slashdot story, the Oracle Corporation has filed a rather timely suit against five of former governor John Kitzhaber's staff for their "improper influence" in the decision to shutter the Cover Oregon healthcare website, while blaming Oracle to defuse the political consequences. Oracle argues the website was ready to go before the state decided to switch to the federal exchange in April. "The work on the exchange was complete by February 2014, but going live with the website and providing a means for all Oregonians to sign up for health insurance coverage didn't match the former-Governor's re-election strategy to 'go after' Oracle," Oracle spokeswoman Deborah Hellinger said in a statement. Kitzhaber resigned last week amid criminal probes into an influence-peddling scandal involving allegations that his fiancée used her position in his office for personal gain.
Blog/The Trail Guide - Emotional Geographic:
