firehose

Many of the thousands of copyright infringement notices sent out to YouTube game video producers this week have originated from companies not obviously connected with games, very often music rights holders.

This has caused bewilderment among the producers who, in the last few days, have found advertising revenues from their Let's Play and walk-through videos diverted to companies making copyright claims, often with a tenuous connection to the videos in question.

Under YouTube rules, any company claiming ownership of an intellectual copyright used in a video, and scanned by YouTube's copyright-matching Content ID system, receives revenues from the video. YouTube has defended its crackdown and shows no sign of pulling back

While some games companies, like Nintendo, are joining those seeking to derive revenues from Let's Plays, other have been vocal in their support of producers, stating that people should be allowed to share the content freely (albeit with caveats.)

One such is Ubisoft, which has taken its support one step further, by seeking to pull back a music rights holder that is making claims on videos using Ubisoft footage.

"Due to recent changes in how YouTube allows copyright holders to file claims we have heard from many of you who have been frustrated by a sudden flurry of claims against your videos," offered a company statement today. "At Ubisoft, we value the talented content creators on YouTube, and we want to empower all of you to produce Ubisoft-related videos.

"We are aware that many of the Ubisoft-related claims have come from IDOL, our longtime partner in the digital distribution of our music. We are working closely with IDOL to remove these claims. We kindly ask you to be patient, as this process may take another week or so to fully resolve."

Other companies to come out in support of 'YouTubers' include Deep Silver, Blizzard and Capcom.

By Alec Meer on December 13th, 2013 at 8:00 pm.

‘Baby Hazel Stomach Care Game‘ is a free webgame which RPS was emailed about today. It concerns an unspecified parent, who may or may not be a single Mickey Mouse glove, attempting to help the titular Baby Hazel with a stomach complaint. As the father of a seven-month-old daughter, I felt qualified to list 26 factual inaccuracies in this infant-management simulator, ranging from inconsistent depiction of the baby’s motor skills to her psychic capabilities, possible Timelord attributes and the poor professional standards of her parents’ chosen medical practitioner.

1. The baby is able to consume an entire milk bottle in less than a second; in reality this would require at least ten minutes. Furthermore, she is not repeatedly distracted from drinking by anything that moves (or doesn’t) and at no point waves the spraying bottle around haphazardly. She also fails to sick up even a small quantity of milk shortly after drinking.

2. When holding her pet rabbit, the baby neatly pets and feeds it, rather than grabbing an ear, foot or jaw and wrenching it as hard as possible, or attempting to insert the carrot into its eye socket or anus rather than mouth. Furthermore, the rabbit is still alive at the end of the encounter. The animal’s relative motionlessness suggests it may be in a state of extreme trauma, however. Additionally, the rabbit is wearing lipstick.

3. At no point does the baby sweep everything off the table in a pique of rage/excitement/random muscle movement. In fact, not a single item is disturbed.

4. The mother, who spends the first stage cooking, with her back to the camera, at no point turns to check that her daughter is OK, despite all the crying. She also fails to admonish the father even once for not doing things exactly as she would have done them.

5. The ‘baby’ is toilet-trained, and can be left on the toilet, behind a closed door, indefinitely without fear of drowning or the attempted consumption or use of as a toy of her own effluence. On average a child is not toilet-trained until it is around three years of age – well past ‘baby’ stage.

6. The baby’s apparent father is a single, disembodied Mickey Mouse glove. It is highly unlikely this entity would have been capable of reproduction.

7. Despite being termed a baby and having the appearance of a child I would estimate to be approximately one year old, Baby Hazel possess the motor skills and cognitive ability of a five year old (see also point 5).

8. Baby Hazel is able to psychically project her thoughts. Furthermore the Hand Father is able to ‘hear’ and interpret these thoughts as static images of vegetables.

9. Baby Hazel is deemed to be at ‘maximum happiness’ even while suffering diarrhoea.

10. Upon ringing the doctor several hours into the day, Mom is told to bring Baby Hazel straight in rather than that the surgery is out of appointment slots for that day and she should have rung before 8am.

11. Baby Hazel is comforted by having a full, open hand rubbed repeatedly around her face in a circular motion. In reality, this would be extremely uncomfortable and quite possibly dangerous.

12. The Hand Father has in his/its possession, kept within a gold ring, a pair of disembodied, enormous, bright red, most likely female (and certainly collagen-enhanced) lips almost the width of the Baby Hazel’s head. Repeatedly applying this unusual item to the baby’s face comforts her, and she at no point attempts to grab and devour it.

13. At one point the Hand Father makes a ‘kissy’ noise in a voice which clearly sounds like that of a woman. However, we repeatedly see that the mother is a separate, conventionally human entity. This raises significant questions as to the true identity of the Hand Father. A baby with two mums is totally cool of course; my only concern involves the Hand Father-Mother having no larynx or indeed any physical presence beyond Floating Tiny Hand and Floating Oversized Lips. What, then, was the source of that kissy noise?

14. Baby Hazel is able to keep her head perfectly upright when she falls asleep in a sitting position. No lolling, or the resultant neck ache, is in evidence.

15. Baby Hazel flushes the toilet before using it, but not afterwards. While ultimately this could be said to achieve the same outcome as the more traditional bowel/bladder evacuation > flushing procedure, it is highly likely to create hygiene or at least odour issues.

16. The doctor attempts psychic communication (depicted as a thought rather than speech bubble) with Baby Hazel, asking via thought alone what happened to her troubled stomach. The baby replies with a telepathic image of a maraca. It is left unclear as to whether either party has truly ‘heard’ the other, and if they did whether a hitherto unseen maraca consumption event was the true cause of Baby Hazel’s complaint. If this is the case, it would fly in the face of earlier claims that peanut-eating was responsible.

17. Coincidentally, the doctor keeps a large, spotted maraca in a tray alongside her stethoscope, syringe, band-aids and medicine. While this proves useful, it seems unlikely that a large, spotted maraca is part of a general practitioner’s standard array of medical implements.

18. The doctor is happy for the Hand Father-Mother to perform medical tests, including injections, on her behalf. She simply watches, smiling, and ultimately makes a prognosis based on observation alone. In fairness, so little is known about the true identity and nature of The Hand Father-Mother that it is entirely possible he/she/it possess suitable medical qualifications. However, this would seem to negate the need to have visited a doctor.

19. Using the stethoscope reveals that Baby Hazel has two separate heartbeats, and thus presumably hearts. This suggests she is a Timelord; this may at least explain the psychic abilities (however, please note that the precise psychic capabilities of The Doctor and other Gallifreyans is the subject of some debate due to their inconsistency of portrayal across over 800 television episodes).

20. Later it transpires that Baby Hazel has four separate heartbeats (arranged in a square-like formation), and thus presumably hearts. Thus, the Time Lord explanation is no longer valid. Unless Baby Hazel is some manner of Supreme Time Lord, or a future evolution of the species? While this explanation would not fit Doctor Who canon, it could potentially be used to waive many of the discrepancies regarding this creature’s unusual abilities for one so young and apparently human.

21. Baby Hazel requires only five seconds to pre-flush (see point 15), defecate and clean herself up afterwards. However, see point 20.

22. Baby Hazel can be kissed (see points 12 and 13) directly on her open eyeball without complaint. However, see point 20.

23. Baby Hazel suddenly becomes capable of psychically-projected written speech rather than images, first seen as ‘I am hungry.’ This is followed, suddenly, by the single spoken word ‘no’ immediately afterwards upon deciding she is not, in fact, hungry. While events prior to this day are not shared with the player, the lack of any other speech during this period strongly suggests this may be Baby Hazel’s first word. Neither parent seems surprised or excited by this turn of events. However, see point 20.

24. The baby makes the noise of a squeaky rubber duck toy if you place a spoon in slightly the wrong place on a metal tray next to her. However, see point 20.

25. Upon Baby Hazel sleeping, The Hand Father-Mother stares motionlessly at the creature for the entire night, and willingly turns on the light to resume duty when Baby Hazel awakes at 5am without exclaiming “oh fucking hell, no, please, just one more hour, please, I can’t bear it any more.” Point 20 would not begin to explain this.

26. At no point does parent attempt to blame and reprimand the other for causing this situation. Point 20 would not begin to explain this.

List of factual accuracies in Baby Hazel Stomach Care Game

1. It doesn’t stop. Not ever. You don’t rest. You can’t rest. Ever. You just have to keep going. You can’t go to the toilet, you can’t have a meal, you can’t have a drink, you can’t stop and think about what your life is now. Ever.

The creators of Cards Against Humanity teamed up with Sportsfriends co-developer Doug Wilson and game designer Zach Gage to release Clusterfuck, a sex party card game.

(Eds. Note: As you might guess, the rules of the game, and some language in the video above, are NSFW.)

In Clusterfuck, players want to either score with friends three times or complete a threesome. First, players pass each other "sexy" notes. In the next round, players close their eyes and point to the person or people they want to hook up with. Two players pointing exclusively to each other score and earn one point, while three players pointing to one another complete a threesome and win three points.

However, players outside of a suspected threesome can choose to flip off the trio, busting up the ménage à trios and earning two points. Advanced rules are also available for players seeking a challenge — and the chance to ogle friends or pass along chlamydia.

You can download cards and rules free for Clusterfuck here. For more on how the game is played, check out the video above. Clusterfuck was created as part of Cards Against Humanity's 12 Days of Holiday Bullshit.

ROM: Read Only Memories, the futuristic cyberpunk adventure game from the organizers of the queer gaming convention GaymerX, was successfully funded on Kickstarter with a final tally of $64,378 from 1,790 backers.

Developer MidBoss Games' Kickstarter campaign concluded today, but reached its funding goal of $62,064 two days earlier on Dec. 11. Because MidBoss participated in Ouya's Free the Games fund, Ouya will match the first $62,064 of the studio's total. Interested parties can still contribute to the development of Read Only Memories via PayPal through the end of 2013.

Read Only Memories is set in 2064 in Neo-San Francisco, with the player taking the role of a journalist who receives a mysterious message from a friend. MidBoss describes the adventure game as "queer-friendly" and says it will feature a wide variety of colorful characters, with the player able to choose whom they do and don't want to associate with. Read Only Memories is scheduled to be released in November 2014; at launch, it will be available on Mac, Ouya, Steam and Windows PC, and it will later be released on Android and iOS.

Next year's convention, GaymerX2, will run from July 11-13 in San Francisco.

You have been warned. To celebrate the holidays and the destruction thereof, Greenpeace has released a very dramatic video in which Santa Claus, looking a bit like a beleaguered terrorist and broadcasting from what what appears to be an arctic fallout shelter, warns the children of the world that he may have to cancel Christmas unless global warming is stopped. Santa is played by Jim Carter, best known as butler Mr. Carson from Downton Abbey, as a grizzled, unkempt man at the end of his rope. He confirms that Presidents Obama and Putin are on the top of his naughty list for remaining indifferent to his plight and that unless action is taken he will "have to warn you of the possibility of an empty stocking... forevermore." Remain calm, watch the video below, and keep it from the eyes of actual children unless you want to answer some uncomfortable questions.

News of an Apple patent dealing with restaurant orders and reservations sent OpenTable's stock down by 3.51 percent this morning. OpenTable is the leading player in online food reservations, and investors clearly (and quickly) grew worried about the idea of Apple encroaching on its territory. Patently Apple was first to report on the filing, which is titled "Systems and Methods for Processing Orders and Reservations Using an Electronic Device." In fact, Patently Apple went so far as to brazenly declare that Apple had invented its own restaurant reservation system. That's a headline that could understandably cause some unrest among OpenTable's backers. Unfortunately, it's also not entirely accurate.

What the US Patent and Trademark Office released today is one of countless Apple patent applications (routinely made public on a weekly basis). And while there is some overlap with OpenTable's business, there's no indication that Apple's idea poses any imminent threat. It may never make its way to iOS at all. Applications almost always change significantly before a company is formally awarded the patent it's seeking, and this is likely to be no exception. Especially when you step back and look at how overly-ambitious it is.

Above all else, Apple's patent application is about efficiency. The company starts off by highlighting everything that's wrong with current, more traditional methods. "Ordering is completely dependent on the waiter's availability," reads the introduction. "A busy waitress may not get around to a customer who is ready to order for five or ten minutes. This idle time is magnified if the waitress is busy and unable to provide menus to the customer for five or ten minutes after the customer has been seated." Thus, Apple concludes, "there is a need for improved techniques for processing restaurant orders and reservations."

There's no telling if this will ever be developed into something real

Apple's system uses mobile devices to fix this. As the 21 claims outline, its cloud-based solution would help businesses maintain a more efficient wait list for "physical resources" like a restaurant table. It would do so this by dynamically updating wait times based on what a customer orders — or "mapping a physical good in the order to an estimated consumption period" as claim 14 says. Explaining further in the abstract, Apple says, "The estimated consumption period can include a plurality of estimated time segments, such as the period of time to process an order for the item, create the item, deliver the item, and consume the item," Apple says. Real-time notifications would alert pending customers to any changes in wait time.

OpenTable doesn't have to worry about traffic at a restaurant; it simply books you a reservation at a given time. (Remember also that OpenTable's services are integrated within Siri, so Apple seems to think it does a satisfactory job.) But Apple does outline its own reservation system in the application. Claims 10 through 13 reveal that customers could search for local restaurants based on ethnicity, preferred time availability, distance, or all of the above. As for the ordering side, Apple envisions mobile devices being used both to place orders and ultimately pay for the check — though none of this is mentioned in the claims. You'd even be able to order and pay in advance of sitting down, according to the filing's abstract. Users could set up personal profiles to prevent mixups; you could specify food allergies so that offending dishes simply wouldn't appear on the menu, and so on.

But crucially, Apple never specifically limits this system to restaurants; that's simply a convenient example for the application. The company says points of interest could also include movie theaters (a segment that Fandango currently owns), and museums. But the use cases get even more ambitious than that; Apple says its idea could help make auto repair reservations more efficient, secure your tee off time at a local golf club, and revolutionize the way you make appointments with your barber.

Before any of this could ever succeed, businesses would need to adopt and implement this system, training employees and customers to use it. There's another, more important step though: Apple needs to actually build it first. An awarded patent doesn't make that a certainty, and again, we haven't even gotten there yet. This is just an application. An application that's likely to change and narrow in scope over time. The OpenTables and Fandangos of the world have no cause for panic — not yet, anyway.