This post, my mentor has a shady side business, drinks that look like beer but aren’t, and more , was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.
It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. I just found out my mentor does an MLM on the side
I was assigned a teammate (Eric) as my mentor about a month after I started my job. Our boss (Bill) picked Eric because we had some similar personality traits and work styles. Eric’s and my workflow styles are very similar, and we get along great! This has been a valuable asset in my first few months learning my job.
Another important detail — I’m getting ready to transfer to another office. It’s a similar position, generally the same skillset, but with some fundamental differences and much closer to home. Bill really went to bat for the transfer for me, even though it would mean me joining a new team, and transfers usually aren’t allowed so early in your tenure. I am incredibly grateful for all Bill’s done for me.
Bill has left it up to me whether I want to continue my mentorship with Eric, or find a new mentor on my new team. I was totally on board with sticking with Eric and using the opportunity to learn from each other … but last week, Bill mentioned in passing to me that Eric’s side hustle was an older, very well-known MLM (one that your readers would certainly know). Bill seems to think it’s a great thing that Eric can hold down a full-time job and also take part in this MLM.
All of the sudden, I’m questioning both their judgments! I looked up to these folks but my respect for them is slipping in a major way because of this one thing. Am I overreacting? Should I use this as an out? Should I try to maintain these relationships? Professionally, I know I shouldn’t just write them off if I want to be able to advance in this company (and because I like these people and they’ve always supported me in a major way!), but this is affecting me way more than I expected.
For readers who don’t know the term, MLMs = multi-level marketing schemes, like Herbalife or Lularoe, as well as older ones like Mary Kay. They use an exploitative business model, which especially preys on women, and people who sell for them often spend huge amounts of their own money buying products and never recoup that investment.
When you find out that someone you respect holds an opinion or takes part in an activity that you find harmful, it can be hard not to wonder if you need to rethink your entire assessment of them. Sometimes you do, depending on what that opinion or activity is. But sometimes, it’s just a reflection of the fact that people are complicated.
If you found out Eric hunted puppies or marched in racist rallies, you’d need to end the mentorship. But I don’t think MLM involvement rises to that level, especially if he hasn’t tried to recruit you or sell to you.
MLMs can ensnare even people with otherwise good judgment; that’s part of what makes them so insidious. If Eric has been a good mentor to you and you’ve learned from him and found the relationship valuable, I wouldn’t end it just because you’ve learned this about him. (Although don’t take side hustle advice from him, obviously. And if he starts trying to recruit you, that would change things.)
And as for Bill, he may not even fully realize the story with MLMs — a lot of people don’t — and may not understand that that’s what Eric’s Amway (or whatever) gig is.
2. Drinking from a can that looks like beer but isn’t
My partner has recently started enjoying a hops-flavored sparkling water type beverage at home in a bid to cut out casual beer consumption. He really likes it; it’s basically made of a combo of sparkling water, tea, citrus, and hops and tastes like an IPA (beverage innovation these days is crazy, man). It kinda looks like non-alcoholic beer because of the hop art on the can, but it is not actually non-alcoholic beer, doesn’t have any known alcohol brand names on it, and nowhere on the can does it say “beer.”
He’s wondering if it would be weird for him to drink at the office and is hesitant. Due to the can art being suggestive of beer, I suggested he either pour it into a glass or use a koozie over it if he’s nervous. To me, this isn’t weirder than drinking something like kombucha, minus the can art. Any thoughts?
Using a koozie or pouring it into a glass is the way to go. There’s no point in having people wonder if he’s drinking beer at work … and a lot of people who see it will just assume and not ask him, so he won’t necessarily have the opportunity to clear up that misperception.
3. Is it OK to take notes in an interview?
Is taking notes during an interview acceptable? Is that proper interview etiquette? Will doing so make the candidate appear less engaging? Doing so can definitely help in remembering what was covered in the interview in order to compose follow-up emails.
Taking notes during an interview is fine! Many interviewers like to see it, since it shows you’re interested and engaged. The one caveat, and it’s a big one, is that you shouldn’t be so absorbed in note-taking that you’re creating long pauses or not connecting with your interviewers. (Also, I wouldn’t take copious notes just so you remember details for follow-up notes; that would be putting too much weight on your follow-up notes, potentially at the expense of connecting in the interview itself. Jotting down one or two things for that purpose is fine, but don’t get so sidetracked on that that you’re not focused on the interviewer and the discussion.)
4. Pizza moochers
I’m very generous and want to treat my colleagues every once in a while. I’m sure they don’t realize how much I pay for the remaining bill. I recently asked to have everyone who wants pizza to pitch in $5 each. I know that among 10 people $50 is not going to fit the bill so I will pay the difference. However, there are people who will actually take home an entire pizza if it is left over. What do you think of this? Any recommendations on how to resolve this ignorant and selfish act? It is so sad that people have no manners.
I think (a) when you ask people to chip in, they assume their contribution is covering their share and they don’t realize you’re making up the difference, (b) you might be sending mixed messages by asking people to chip in and also calling it “treating them” (although I understand you’re making up the difference), and (c) anyone taking home an entire pizza from a group order without at least asking first is being rude and a moocher.
I think if you want to keep doing this and want to stop the moochers, you’ll need to take a more active role in managing the food — meaning saying things like, “That pizza is for the group, please leave it here so people who want another helping can get one.” If someone challenges that by saying they chipped in, you can say, “$5 covers a couple of slices, not a whole pizza. Please leave that here.”
5. Why are job applications asking me about disabilities?
I’ve been applying for jobs and some applications have a voluntary disclosure for a disability. One company I applied for offered a list of “disabilities can include but are not limited to,” with an extensive list that included two chronic medical conditions that I have. One condition is fairly common, the other less so. Both conditions are well managed, and personally I consider them to be medical diagnoses, not disabilities. They do not affect my work life, my productivity, my attendance, and I would not need accommodations for either one. I don’t feel it is necessary or appropriate to disclose them in a job interview.
If I answer “yes” to the “do you have a disability” question on a job application, can the company force me to disclose my chronic medical conditions even though the condition does not need an accommodation? I am of an older generation and not used to seeing these kinds of questions on job applications. If I answer “yes” to that voluntary disclosure question, what exactly am I agreeing to?
You are not obligated to disclose anything in response to that question. If you choose to, the company can’t legally consider that information in its hiring decision. In fact, they’re legally required to keep that information completely separate from your application, and they can’t follow up with you to request additional details. And if you choose not to answer, you can’t legally be penalized for that either.
The reason they’re asking is because companies over a certain size, as well as companies with government contracts over a certain dollar amount, are required by law to report the demographic makeup of their applicants and employees to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (in the aggregate, not individually). Also, if you’re applying for work as a federal contractor or subcontractor, it’s to help them meet a target of a 7% workforce of employees with disabilities.
