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There is currently just a slight risk of excessive rainfall today, after several inches dropped over the weekend. 

Voting rights advocates and local government officials say vote centers are widely popular and prohibiting them would saddle election offices with logistical and financial burdens.

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A metallic object believed to be a meteorite punched a hole in the roof of a central New Jersey home, the black, potato-sized rock still warm when the family who owned the home discovered it. What do you think?

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Sacrificing sleep to check tasks off your to-do list is counterproductive. Here's why.

NEW YORK—Describing the astronomical objects as a blemish on the otherwise pristine night sky, the world’s wealthy called Monday for the removal of stars obstructing their view of the universe. “As affluent taxpayers of Earth, we demand that our space agencies immediately remove the unsightly stars blocking our view…

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Good morning. After a wet weekend that left several area rivers and bayous near or over tops of their banks, and saturated area soils, our region will begin to transition to a somewhat drier pattern overall. However, a healthy chance of storms will remain today for areas along and west of Interstate 45 before our skies turn sunnier on Tuesday and then remain that way for most of the remainder of the week.

Monday

The problem for today is that our atmosphere remains fairly moist, and we’re not quite done with atmospheric disturbances. This should allow showers and thunderstorms to fire up southwest of Houston early this afternoon, and then lift northward into western and central parts of the city, before exiting to the north by around sunset. Most areas west of Interstate 45 will likely see around 0.5 inch of rain, which is totally manageable. But some areas could pick up 1 to 3 inches beneath stronger thunderstorms, and this may briefly back-up streets. For this reason, I’m going to keep a Stage 1 flood alert going for the western half of the Houston region, basically areas west of I-45.

Skies will otherwise be mostly cloudy, and for most areas this should limit high temperatures in the mid-80s. Winds, outside of thunderstorms, will generally be light at about 5 mph out of the east. Low temperatures tonight will drop to around 70 degrees in Houston as rain chances recede to near zero.

Tuesday

A weak cool front arrives on Monday night, and this will shift our winds to come from the west or northwest. Unfortunately, it will also provide a bit of instability that will help produce one more round of showers and thunderstorms on Tuesday. While I don’t expect these to be as widespread as the rain on Monday, I think there’s still a solid 30 to 50 percent chance of showers on Tuesday afternoon. Expect partly sunny skies with highs in the mid-80s. Lows on Tuesday night will drop to around 70 degrees.

Wednesday

Rain chances drop back to around 20 percent, with mostly sunny skies during the afternoon hours. Look for highs in the mid- to upper 80s during the afternoon and, for some inland areas, lows dropping into the mid- to upper 60s on Wednesday night. That is some May cold front action for you, Houston!

Thursday and Friday

These should be a pair of mostly sunny days with highs in the upper 80s to 90 degrees. Lows will drop into the low 70s.

Saturday and Sunday

The weekend forecast is—dare I say it on a Monday morning, up in the air? There looks to be a second front coming this weekend, and while it’s too early to say for sure, I think there’s a decent chance it pushes all the way through Houston and off the coast on Saturday. This could bring some scattered showers with it. For now let’s ballpark partly sunny skies and highs in the upper 80s. If the front makes it, I wouldn’t rule out some lows in the mid-60s for most of the metro area early next week. We’ll see.

Currently, more than 80% of Texas voters can vote anywhere in their home county, a model that originated in Lubbock County. If lawmakers approve new legislation, that would change.

DURHAM, NC—Saying she wanted to be more mindful of what she consumed, local woman Lydia Murphy expressed concern Monday over how many empty calories she was ingesting from microplastics. “I eat them all the time, but apparently they have little-to-no nutritional value,” the 32-year-old said upon learning the dietary…

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This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I turned down another job because my company promised me a raise … and now they’re not giving it to me

I have been with the same company for five years. I have steadily worked my way up and been given more and more responsibility. However, due Covid and the “Great Resignation,” my company experienced significant staffing changes. I have always been fairly flexible and tried to adapt to any changes that came my way.

Due to staffing issues and various clients coming and going, my workload has fluctuated much more than anyone else’s on the team. Not only am I the least experienced, I am now being asked to clean up other files that were not in the best shape. As a result, I feel like I haven’t been able to get the training or experience I need to keep up with some of the other coworkers who have much more experience. In spite of this, I meet my goals and have had very good performance reviews.

Due to burnout and exhaustion from not having a solid caseload and always having to be the “clean up person,” I found and accepted another job. As soon as my employer found out, they offered me a significant pay raise which exceeded the already very generous offer from the new company. They promised to make some changes and adjust my caseload to make things more manageable. I happily agreed to this and told the new company that I was thankful for their offer but I would be staying where I am.

Barely a week later, my current supervisor advised that I am no longer getting the raise due to a company-wide hiring freeze.

I didn’t feel like it would have been professional to turn right around to the new company and ask for the job I had just turned down. So I am now out the raise from the current company, but I am also unable to accept the new job.

I understand that business is business and I hold no ill will towards my supervisor as I know she was just the messenger (she did her best and I appreciate her trying). However, what little motivation I did have is gone. Any advice would be appreciated! I don’t like not giving my best effort, but it’s also difficult not to feel resentful for the opportunities I’ve now lost out on.

This isn’t “business is business” — your company significantly screwed you over. They made a promise that you acted on to your detriment — and they knew that. This wasn’t a raise they offered out of the blue and then had to backtrack on; they offered you a raise specifically to prevent you from leaving when you’d announced you had taken another job, and they know that you were relying on their word when you turned down the other offer, and that you’re now left without the raise or the other job. They acted in bad faith; it’s a serious breach of trust.

You don’t have much to lose by going back to the other company now and seeing if the offer is still open — it might not be, but you might as well try. If it’s not, you should be actively job-searching, because your company has treated you incredibly poorly.

Related:
my company made a counter-offer to keep me — and now is attaching strings to it

2. My assigned mentor is younger and less experienced in our field

A few months ago, my company shifted me to a newly formed team. The transition has been difficult for many reasons, most important probably being that I don’t feel qualified/well suited for the position.

To aid with this, my new manager has proposed finding me a mentor, to help me navigate challenges (more on the approach/mentality side than strictly task-related). I was initially very excited by the prospect of having someone in the know to seek guidance from, and was mentally compiling a list of questions to start off with. However, I recently found out that the person they found is a few years younger than me and has less work experience than me in our field (but a higher position) and all my enthusiasm deflated.

This has me stumped. Is it wrong of me to see it as a faux pas to give someone a younger mentor? Especially since some of the issues we want to work on are my impostor syndrome and lack of faith in my own abilities. Frankly, I can hardly imagine a less suitable scenario for me to be able to do that.

I know I should try to keep an open mind and at least give it a try (which is what my manager suggested when I communicated my apprehension), but in my head, the dynamic has completely shifted, from aspirational to self flagellating. I can only picture myself with defenses fully up, instead of being able to be open and vulnerable.

Did your manager explain why they thought this particular person would be a good mentor? That’s what I’d want to know. But assuming they’re not right out of school, a few years younger is such a minor age difference that it’s basically non-existent. And they’re in a higher level position so it’s very possible they have useful skills or insights to impart.

So why not go into it with a spirit of inquiry? Your boss thinks this person has something to offer, so you might as well get curious about what that thing is and try to figure it out. If you meet with them a couple of times and don’t find it useful, you can go back to your boss at that point, but you’ll be better positioned to do that if you’ve given it a good-faith effort first.

3. I don’t want to do a department overnight

I work for a university auxiliary (think Housing, Dining, Recreation etc.). Our director, my immediate boss, has been here for two years. He’s … not excellent. There’s a lot of talk about transparency and respect and actions that don’t reflect those values.

He is big into assigning leadership books and management jargon and the like. He’s also instituted retreats, which we haven’t had before. At a meeting planning the retreat for employees at my level, we were discussing activities and he asked the group if anybody didn’t want to do an overnight portion. Silence.

I very much don’t want to have an overnight retreat. I like most of my coworkers and am warm and professional but am definitely an introvert. A day thing of bonding and activities would be okay. I know once a year won’t kill me, but I deeply don’t want to have a sleepover with these folks. It occurs during my busiest time of year, I have two small children, and frankly I just don’t wanna.

This will come up next year and I wonder if I should speak up if asked and be honest. I’m worried it will go poorly for me because this is very much my boss’s thing and he’s not great about pushback. But I can’t possibly be the only person who doesn’t want an overnight and maybe it would encourage other folks to speak up and we can get out of it. I raised the issue of my workload at the time and that was dismissed because most other folks aren’t busy then.

Yeah, you’re going to need to be more direct than citing your workload, because workload is a problem your boss will think he can solve for you. But it’s totally reasonable to say, “It’s not possible for me because of childcare responsibilities.” If you didn’t have that excuse, you could be vaguer: “It’s not possible for me because of commitments I have at home in the evenings” or “It would be very difficult, if not impossible, for me to do an overnight because of some family obligations I have right now” or so forth.

And getting coworkers to push back should help as well. It’s highly likely that you’re not the only one who’s unenthused about the idea.

(To be clear, there are jobs where occasional overnight travel is part of the job. But this sounds like unnecessary fluff and he’s directly asking if anyone dislikes the overnight portion — so you might as well speak up and say you do.)

4. Using the word “cool” in a cover letter

Does using the word “cool” in a cover letter make me sound 12? I’ve attached my cover letter for a job I’m really, really hoping to get, and one line references doing work “telling people about cool things.” My thinking was that if the rest of the letter is very professional, that one word would convey enthusiasm, rather than immaturity. But the person I was talking to (giving a seminar on all parts of applying to jobs) suggested wording that sounded very formal and polysyllabic for that sentence, and said to not use “cool” because “you’re not 12.”

Don’t take any advice from that person. Using “cool” the way you’ve used it in your letter is fine. People use the word in offices every day, and they are in fact adults. “Cool” is a pretty unremarkable part of the language at this point. You shouldn’t write, like, “fucking badass,” but  “cool” in this context is completely fine.

5. Can I ask if a job is still open before I apply?

I am currently employed, but I’ve been doing some on and off job hunting over the past year. I’d probably say out of all the applications I have submitted, at least 25% of the job postings are removed within a day or two after submitting. While I understand this could mean many things, at the end of the day it is frustrating to invest time into a cover letter and resume for what is essentially a false lead. All of my resumes are tailored to be specific to the posting and I have a range of experience, so applications may be for different industries where some of my previous roles are not necessarily relevant. A templated resume is a good start, but it will always require at least some time investment to get it to final submission status. Lately it seems like when I’m in application mode, I typically work on 2-3 cover letters/resumes a week in between a full-time job and general life stuff.

Would it look out of touch for me to contact the company to ask if they are still looking to fill the position before I spend time working on a resume? Especially for jobs that have been posted for a while (and don’t have a closing date listed)? I get that it may just be timing as to when it was posted and they found a hire, but with multiple instances of almost immediate removal after I send in my application, it’s hard not to think that some of the websites just aren’t being updated in a timely manner.

It won’t look out of touch, but it also might not get you answers. A lot of employers just don’t respond to that kind of inquiry, or don’t respond until after the point when the answer would be useful to you. (And if jobs are closing quickly, there’s a good chance of them closing while you’re waiting to hear an answer back, thus making you miss the window when you could have applied.)

I think you’re worried that by the time you see the job, it’s already closed and when you submit an application, that’s what triggers them to remember they need to remove the post … but I’m skeptical about that accounting for most of it. It’s more likely that you’re seeing jobs that are only open for fairly short windows — not that your application is the thing that spurs them to take down the post.

I’d also look at how much tailoring you’re doing for each resume you submit. It sounds like you have a master resume that you delete things from that won’t be relevant — which is good — but that should be a fairly short project for each job. If you’re investing a lot of time in that for each application, you’re forgoing a lot of the benefits of keeping that kind of master resume, and that’s where I’d look for efficiencies.

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Attorney General Ken Paxton previously announced an investigation into “potentially illegal” activity. Parents are scrambling to find transition-related care for their kids as the Legislature appears poised to ban it altogether.

HOUSTON—Stressing that all she wanted for the holiday was for her son to be happy, local mom Beverly Higgins reportedly mailed her son Conner a Mother’s Day gift Sunday, according to sources. “Just a little something to show how much I love you on my special day,” read the card, which accompanied a brand-new Nintendo…

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The CROWN Act would ensure protection for Texans who wear their hair in natural styles such as braids, locs, twists or knots.

Good morning. As anticipated, a line of strong storms has developed to the west of Houston this morning, roughly from College Station all the way south to Corpus Christi. We expect these storms to continue to build slowly to the east, and into Houston later this morning and the afternoon hours. There remains a lot of uncertainty about how much punch these storms will have as they progress closer to, and into the Houston metro area. But we now have enough concerns about the potential for heavy rain to issue a Stage 1 flood alert out of concern for street flooding today and tonight.

The most problematic time for rainfall will be from the mid-morning hours today through the afternoon. However, at this time we can’t rule out the additional development of showers tonight, and on Sunday, as a series of disturbances plow through our moist atmosphere. Please check the radar before heading out, and if you have outdoor activities on the schedule for this weekend, have a back-up plan. And since it’s Mothers Day weekend, I know many of you do have plans.

Overall, I expect most of the region to see 0.5 to 2 inches of rainfall this weekend, but areas west and southwest of Houston have a greater risk of heavy rainfall, and isolated areas may see 2 to 6 inches of rainfall. Due to the aforementioned uncertainty about this weekend’s weather, Matt and I will continue to keep an eye on things. We apologize to all the moms out there for the lousy weather this weekend.

A bill to give Texas families public funds to avoid integrated schools almost became law in 1957.

Houston's 11 Below Brewing Co. won a gold medal for its "Big Mistake," while Holler Brewing Co., Karbach Brewing Co. and Saint Arnold Brewing Company also were awarded.

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CHAPTERS:

0:00 - 1:15 Intro
1:15 - 11:21 Meet the Stoics
11:21 - 16:15 Stoic Physics
16:15 - 21:20 The Feels, Part A
21:20 - 24:01 Intermezzo: Kelly Slaughter Rides Again
24:01 - 26:03 The Feels, Part B
26:03 - 33:33 - Women & Slaves
33:33 - 39:57 To Live Well

BIBLIOGRAPHY:

Scott Aiken and Emily McGill-Rutherford, “Stoicism, Feminism and Autonomy,” in Symposion
Julia Annas, “Ethics in Stoic Philosophy,” in Phronesis
Elizabeth Asmis, “The Stoics on Women,” in Feminism and Ancient Philosophy
Catherine Atherton, “Hand Over Fist: the failure of stoic rhetoric,” in Classical Quarterly
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Dirk Baltzly, “Stoic Pantheism,” in Sophia
Lawrence Becker, “Stoic Emotion,” in Stoicism: Traditions and Transformations
Natasha Bird, “The Rise of Stoicism: Is Keeping Calm A Healthy Option?” in Elle
René Brouwer, “Socratic Ignorance and Ethics in the Stoa,” in The Routledge Handbook of Hellenistic Philosophy
Cicero, De Finibus Book III
James A. Dunson III, “Stoicism and Contemporary Medical Ethics,” in The Routledge Handbook of Hellenistic Philosophy
Neil Durrant, “3 Reasons Not To Be A Stoic (But Try Nietzsche Instead),” in The Conversation
Einzelganger, “Stop Wanting, Start Accepting | The Philosophy of Marcus Aurelius”
Einzelganger, “When Life Hurts, Care Less About It | The Philosophy of Marcus Aurelius”
Einzelganger, “Stop Wanting, Stop Clinging To It | The Philosophy of Epictetus”
David Engel, “Women’s Role in the Home and the State: Stoic Theory Reconsidered,” in Harvard Studies in Classical Philology
Epictetus, Enchiridion
Ian Hensley, “Stoic Epistemology,” in The Routledge Handbook of Hellenistic Philosophy
Lisa Hill, “Feminism and Stoic Sagehood,” in The Routledge Handbook of Hellenistic Philosophy
Katerina Ierodiakonou, 'The Stoic Division of Philosophy,” in Phronesis
Brad Inwood, “How Unified is Stoicism Anyway?” in Virtue and Happiness
Anna Maria Ioppolo, “Nature, God, and Determinism in Early Stoicism,” in The Routledge Handbook of Hellenistic Philosophy
Jacob Klein, “Aristotelian and Stoic Virtue," in The Routledge Handbook of Hellenistic Philosophy
Thornton Lockwood, Jr., “Documenting Hellenistic Philosophy: Cicero as a Source and Philosopher,” in The Routledge Handbook of Hellenistic Philosophy
Tamer Nawar, “The Stoic Theory of the Soul,” in The Routledge Handbook of Hellenistic Philosophy
Martha Nussbaum, “The Incomplete Feminism of Musonius Rufus, Platonist, Stoic, and Roman,” in The Sleep of Reason: Erotic Experience and Sexual Ethics in Ancient Greece and Rome
Massimo Pigliucci, “Stoic Therapy for Today’s Troubles,” in The Routledge Handbook of Hellenistic Philosophy
Abdo Riani, “3 Ways Stoicism Can Hellp Tech Startup Founders be Successful,” in Forbes
Donald Robertson, The Philosophy of CBT
Musonius Rufus, On Sexual Intercourse [Extract]
Musonius Rufus, Should Daughters Get the Same Education as Sons?
Musonius Rufus, That Women Too Should Do Philosophy
Musonius Rufus, What is the Goal of Marriage?
Musonius Rufus, Whether Marriage Is An Impediment To Doing Philosophy [Extract]
Seneca, De Ira
Seneca, Letter 47
Brent Shaw, “The Divine Economy: Stoicism as Ideology,” in Latomus
Steven K. Strange, “The Stoics on the Voluntariness of the Passions,” in Stoicism: Traditions and Transformations
William Stephens, “The Stoics and their Philosophical System,” in The Routledge Handbook of Hellenistic Philosophy
Olúfẹmi O. Táíwò, “Stoicism (As Emotional Compression) is Emotional Labour,” in Feminist Philosophy Quarterly
Jenny Thomson, “Stoicism is Popular Right Now, But There Are Some Serious Downsides,” in Big Think
Donna Zuckerberg, “Guess Who’s Championing Homer? Radical Online Conservatives,” in The Washington Post

#Stoicism #Anxiety #Philosophy

EDMONTON – After apologising for comments made on a 2021 podcast that compared vaccinated Albertans to the followers of Adolf Hitler, Premier Danielle Smith has been doing her best to avoid similar blunders on the campaign trail. “I understand that suggesting the vast majority of Albertans are equivalent to Nazi sympathisers is, uh…. bad,” Smith […]

The post Danielle Smith spotted on campaign trail with “Holocaust analogies = BAD” scribbled on her hand appeared first on The Beaverton.

Our 5th most-read article of 2023.

Originally published May 12, 2023.

Voicemail: “Hi, sweetie. No big news over here—and no rush to call me back.”

Urgency: I am bursting to tell you HUGE NEWS. (The township finally paved over that pothole.)

Voicemail: “Hi, sweetie, just calling to say hi. Nothing’s wrong.”

Urgency: Something definitely is gravely wrong.

Voicemail: “Hey, sweetie. Give me a call back whenever, okay?”

Urgency: I objectively understand that this is unimportant, but I’ve been stuck on twenty-two across for an hour, and I feel like you’ll know it because it regards what I consider a “young person interest,” and I still mistakenly think of you as young.

Voicemail: “Hi, sweetie. There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but it’s not important. Talk to you later.”

Urgency: We had to put Bandit down. Two months ago.

Voicemail: “Hey, sweetie, how’s it going? We’re good here. I have a tiny favor to ask, no big deal if you can’t—I know you’re busy.”

Urgency: Dad was in a terrible accident and lost a lot of blood. The hospital is out of the unusual blood type you and he share. He’ll die if you don’t come to the hospital to donate blood within the next hour.

Voicemail: “Hey, sweetie, I have a question for you—nothing urgent. Don’t even bother calling back if you’re too busy.”

Urgency: Someone has accidentally pushed the button to launch one thousand nuclear missiles in every direction. Only you know the “abort launch” code, which must be input within the next forty-five seconds to prevent the extinction of all humanity.

Voicemail: “Hey, sweetie, how are you? I miss you, hon. Okay, love you. Bye!”

Urgency: The gummies just kicked in. Within ten minutes, I will forget I made this call.

Voicemail: “Hey, sweetie—nothing big going on, but call me back as soon as you can.”

Urgency: Dad and I are both dead. This voicemail is coming from heaven, where children never screen their mother’s calls and always answer on the first ring.

Voicemail: “Call me back right away. It’s an emergency.”

Urgency: Someone I think you went to high school with is on the local news.

As promised, yesterday ended up being much, much calmer, giving us a chance to exhale and dry out a bit. Things are going to pick back up again as we head into the weekend — but probably not for everyone. We continue to see a pretty healthy split in the weekend outlook, with areas west of Houston more likely to see more rain than the Houston area itself. As a result, the National Weather Service issued a Flood Watch for areas southwest of Houston for the weekend.

Those areas under the flood watch are the most likely areas to see multiple rounds of heavier rain this weekend. Areas not under a flood watch (which is most of Houston) are likely to see at least some showers this weekend, including the risk of some heavy rain. But it would most likely be manageable. That said, Eric and I will be monitoring the weather this weekend, and we’ll post an update or two if necessary or if things change, which I would caution is possible.

Today

Of the next several days, today looks calmest. Yes, there will probably be at least a few showers or storms around this afternoon in parts of the area. But those will probably be the exception, not the rule. Look for a good deal of clouds this morning, yielding to sunshine with highs well into the 80s, if not near 90 degrees.

Saturday & Sunday

I wanted to split these days up in the forecast to try and give you a better idea of what to expect each day, but the pattern over the state of Texas this weekend is far too chaotic for me to try and time anything out specifically.

Here’s the deal: If you have outdoor plans this weekend, have a backup plan indoors if needed. If your plans take you west of Houston (Austin, San Antonio, Hill Country, the Valley, you will likely run into thunderstorms at some point, including the chance of heavy rain, severe weather, and flooding. Be aware of what’s happening out that way and do your best to avoid flood prone areas if possible.

Total rain this weekend across Texas will be highest in the Rio Grande Valley through San Antonio, with high amounts into Hill Country as well. Exactly who sees the most rain is TBD. But these areas need it with widespread drought in west and central Texas.

For us in Houston, while we don’t want to be overconfident, it would appear that Saturday afternoon or evening may carry the highest risk of storms making their way into the metro area. Sunday should, should see slightly lower rain chances for Houston proper and the metro area. Both days will be warm and humid with highs in the mid-80s and lows in the 70s. Outside of any storms, we may see some sunshine. But clouds may be a bit more dominant this weekend.

Early next week

The weather pattern across Texas remains active next week, with scattered showers and storms possible. It may not rain every day, but there will at least be a chance of rain each day. We still look to see a weak “wind shift” front later Monday or Tuesday. Maybe we drop humidity a tick or two, but I wouldn’t expect much more than that. Temperatures will be generally in the mid to upper-80s by day and low-70s by night.

As noted, Eric and I will be watching the weather this weekend and update accordingly, if only to help everyone strategize their weekend plans. In the meantime, to the many moms that read our site, happy Mother’s Day!

SAN FRANCISCO—With yet another offering aimed at promoting men’s sense of well-being and self-confidence, the health brand Hims announced Friday it would begin a monthly gun-delivery service for customers who refused to be emasculated any longer. “All you need to do is create a Hims account, answer a few questions…

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OTTUMWA, IA—Admitting she had a lot of decorating ideas in mind already, soon-to-be mother Diane Varnson announced Tuesday that she would be turning her womb into a personal gym the second her baby moved out. “It’s not a huge space, but with my baby leaving, I’ll finally have the room to put in a treadmill and some…

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SAN ANTONIO—After noticing a sharp increase in demand in recent months, local school picture day photographer Allison Cummings announced Friday that she would expand her offerings to include large memorial posters. “We’re pleased to let our many Texas clients know they can now order a 26-by-34 memorial poster board of…

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Today we talk about Schrödinger’s cat, mind reading with artificial intelligence, a new theory for the origin of life, how many arms the Milky Way has, a design for a new space station, a 3D printed building, 3D ink that conducts electricity, a security system that uses light flashes, and of course, the telephone will ring.

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00:00 Intro
00:30 The Fattest Schrödinger Cat
04:00 Mind Reading with Artificial Intelligence
06:50 A New Theory for the Origin of Life
08:57 The Milky Way Just Lost Two Arms
10:39 A Design for a New Space Station
12:36 The Largest 3D-Printed Building in Europe
13:40 Flexible 3D Ink that Conducts Electricity
15:18 A Safety System that Blinds Attackers
16:13 Stay Up-to-date with Morning Brew

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This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker is angry that I don’t want her grandson’s old baby things

I work at a company of around 80 people. I’m expecting my first baby in a few months and my coworkers have all been very enthusiastic and excited for me.

A few weeks ago, “Prudence,” who works in another department asked me if I’d like any secondhand baby things. Her daughter and grandson live with her and she said she had lots of clothes that her grandson had outgrown. We’ve already been inundated with more clothes and toys than we could ever use so I tried to explain that I appreciated her offer and could use a few things, but we were largely set.

The next day she showed up with a bag of baby clothes and I thanked her. She asked if she could bring me more the following day. I said I appreciated her generosity but we really didn’t need any more. When I arrived the following morning, I found a bag of baby clothes in my office. Unlike the previous bag’s contents, which were in good condition, most of these were stained and threadbare. Prudence is a smoker and all the items reeked of cigarettes. When Prudence came by to make sure I’d gotten them, I thanked her again but told her more firmly that I didn’t need more baby items.

The following day she showed up with multiple sets of bedding. I had already purchased bedding and have the baby’s room decorated. When she tried to hand them to me, I told her thank you, but I didn’t need them. At that Prudence got angry and snapped, “Well, what am I supposed to do with these? Am I just supposed to haul them around all day?” She then dropped them on my office floor and stormed off. Not knowing what to do with them, I wound up just tossing them in the office dumpster (Prudence did not see me do that and to my knowledge is unaware). Now she’s barely speaking to me and shooting me angry looks whenever we encounter each other.

I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but I have no need for these items and I feel like she’s just using me as a convenient way to dump things she no longer wants. Am I in the wrong to turn down the items? If not, how do I make these unwanted “gifts” and her angry attitude stop?

No, you’re not in the wrong, and you don’t need to seem grateful for items you didn’t ask for and in fact told her you didn’t want. If we had a time machine, I’d suggest you not thank her for or accept that second bag (the one you ended up tossing) but rather hand it back to her with a firm, “I can’t accept this” (and if she refused to take it back, put it in her office later) … but it’s certainly not your fault for not knowing that you were opening up the Gates Of Never-Ending Baby Clothes.

It’s not really on you to fix this — you aren’t the rude one — but if it feels like you’d benefit professionally from at least trying to smooth it over, you could say, “Hey, you seemed upset that I couldn’t take the bedding the other day. We’re overwhelmed with stuff for the baby and don’t have room for more. I hope you find a good home for anything you’re still looking to give away!” … and see if it smooths her feathers a little; it may or may not. Alternately, you could ignore the situation entirely and just try to interact with her normally about something work-related; sometimes making a point of doing that that can reset things a bit (and other times, not — it depends on how weird Prudence is determined to be). If that doesn’t work … it’s in her court and should just continue being polite (and enjoying your freedom from unwanted bags of baby things).

2. No one will buy my networking t-shirts

Several years ago I was frustrated with the way people went about looking for jobs. I’m a small business owner and even before running my own company, I always networked. Through networking I’ve managed to do so much. Today I run six networking groups.
Again, several years ago I created a t-shirt designed to network for you. It lists various fields, each with a checkbox by it, and comes with a small sharpie so you can check off the type of job or career you desire. By wearing the t-shirt everywhere you go, it starts the job seeking conversation.

I marketed them inexpensively to college grads. I went to colleges, job fairs, and even graduations. Not one t-shirt sold. I was so angry. I was on popular talk shows and in the paper and still nothing. Today I sit with every size t-shirt in my garage. Many ask why I don’t still pursue this idea. They are the ones who got the idea and believe in it.

Perhaps I was ahead of my time. I marketed towards college grads who texted as a main form of communication. However, today communication is even worse. Young adults can barely look someone in the eye.

Please tell me what your opinion is of my t-shirts. I hoped people would wear them daily and maybe while filling their gas tank this would start a conversation that would change their lives forever. Networking will always be the way to get what you need. Referrals, physicians, mechanics, plumbers, electricians, landscapers, housekeepers, financial advisors, accountants, babysitters, trainers, real estate agents, tutors, and whatever I have missed. Am I wrong? Would my product help those unable to network?

I don’t think most people want to wear what’s essentially a walking billboard proclaiming that they’re seeking work in X field — which I think is what the lack of sales is telling you. And if someone does want to wear a shirt advertising their job search, they probably don’t want one that lists a few dozen fields with checkboxes; they’d want just their own field. (But I’m not suggesting you create one that does that instead! Most people don’t want to wear this on a shirt, period.)

From the sounds of it, all those people who pushed the idea and are asking why you’re not still pursuing it haven’t bought shirts themselves, which is telling.

I’d say listen to the what your market data is telling you.

(Also, it’s not at all my experience with young adults that they can barely look people in the eye!)

3. I can hear my coworker listening to TV shows through our office wall

I have a new coworker, John, who is just out of school and seems nice, but is a bit aloof so we haven’t spoken much. His office is right next to mine and our walls are really thin. John listens to CNN talk shows and other television shows for hours without headphones. I can hear everything and find it very distracting. I usually wear my personal AirPods with the noise cancellation setting on. However, when I need to take a zoom meeting, I have to switch headphones because I don’t like to connect my AirPods to my work computer. When I do this I can hear all of John’s shows through my headphones. I’m the only one who can hear his shows because of the way the offices are set up so this only impacts me in the office.

I haven’t talked to him about this yet because I don’t want to seem rude, as I really don’t know him well. I’m also hesitant to bring it up to my supervisor, as I don’t know if he’s watching the shows instead of working or is working with them on for background noise, and I don’t want to get him in trouble. Is there a good way to address this without being rude or can I ask my work to pay for (expensive) noise cancelling headphones that I can use with my computer?

You are making this into a much bigger deal than it should be! It’s not rude to politely ask someone to keep noise down in their office — and it’s definitely not rude when the thing causing noise is TV shows that they’re not even bothering to use headphones for. John probably doesn’t realize that you can hear him, and you just need to let him know it’s bothering you. (Definitely don’t consider going to your boss about it before you’ve tried talking to John directly!) In fact, think of it as a courtesy to him — he’s new in your office and right out of school and probably doesn’t want to be inadvertently annoying people or coming across like he doesn’t care about basic professional norms.

Pop your head in there and say, “Could you use headphones when you’re listening to shows? I can hear it through the walls, even with my headphones on, and it’s distracting.” Say it cheerfully, and in a tone of “obviously you don’t realize this and will happily fix it once you do” (as opposed to a tone that says “this is very fraught and I am afraid to ask it”).

4. Can I use an engagement photo as a professional headshot?

I could use some guidance on professional headshots. I’m relatively new to the workforce, having just graduated with my masters and getting a full-time professional position in my field. My institution doesn’t require headshots but it is very normal to have them on our website, email profiles, and presentations. I’ve never had any professional photos taken that turned out well. (My institution offers free headshots every few months but they somehow always make me look like an egg. I digress.)

However, I do have a photo from my recent engagement shoot that I want to use instead. My hair is simple and my makeup is typical for my daily workwear. The only thing that gives it away is that the black dress I’m wearing has some sparkly/celestial details (fairly normal for my closet, though) and the background is dark blurry trees. I used the same photo for my master’s program defense and people loved it.

Am I overthinking this? In my mind it seems far better than a selfie but I have no clue what the norms are around headshots. I work in academic libraries, so we sort of straddle the line between “creative community hub” and “traditional academia” culture.

The best way to figure it out is to look at the photos other people are using. If everyone else is in business suits or against a generic corporate blue background, you’d want to match that vibe in formality and not be the one person whose photo doesn’t match. But otherwise, I think you’re fine — you sent me the photo and nothing about it screams “bridal.” (And it’s a great photo!)