Cowboy Who?

PITTSBURGH—Putting on a brave face and carrying on with his regularly scheduled hoagie consumption habits Friday, local man Craig Landers was reportedly continuing amid the nationwide listeria outbreak to eat deli meat as if nothing had happened. “Hmm, a listeria outbreak? I wonder if that means all the Boar’s Head is on sale now,” said Landers, who stood up from the sofa upon seeing a story about the fatal outbreak and walked into the kitchen to prepare himself his second salami sandwich of the day. “They’ll definitely be trying to offload it now. Unless they do something stupid like throw it all away? My God, I better run out to the store before it’s too late. I’m kind of running a fever, but to be honest, it’s only making me crave roast beef more.” At press time, sources reported a hospitalized Landers was asking his nurse if the cafeteria had any cold cuts.

The post Listeria Outbreak Prompts Man To Continue Eating Deli Meat Like Nothing Wrong appeared first on The Onion.

A 4-year-old boy accidentally smashed a Bronze Age jar at an archeological museum in Haifa, Israel, with the 3,500-year-old ancient artifact having been displayed without a glass case near the institution’s entrance at the time of the incident. What do you think?

“Thank God he didn’t break a brand-new one.”

Bernie Elwell, Systems Analyst

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“They don’t build anything to last anymore.”

Teresa Foose, Bridge Suspender

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“Hopefully they have some ancient tape laying around.”

Drake Berg, Cheese Developer

The post 4-Year-Old Museum-Goer Accidentally Shatters Bronze Age Jar appeared first on The Onion.

Was Mark Zuckerberg’s cringey spinelessness just an attempt to grovel before Donald Trump to avoid a vindictive criminal lawsuit? Given the timing of the letter coming out just before Trump’s new book that threatens to imprison Zuckerberg in a bout of authoritarian vindictiveness, it sounds like the reason Zuck is feeding the MAGA conspiracy theories is to try to appease Trump.

Earlier this week, I wrote about Mark Zuckerberg’s preposterously spineless letter to Jim Jordan, in which he repeats a bunch of things that were already public knowledge about the White House suggesting that Facebook could help save lives by not promoting dangerous anti-vax information. However, he did so in a manner that would allow people like Jim Jordan and Donald Trump to pretend that he moderated content because the Biden White House ordered him to, and that this was a big scandal that Meta would not let happen again.

In that post, I noted a key part of Zuckerberg’s letter: the claim that now he would stand up to government coercion. But that’s laughable, given that the letter itself is him caving in to threats of coercion by Jim Jordan.

Multiple people saw the news of the letter and claimed that it was an admission by Zuckerberg that he wanted Donald Trump to win. I don’t know if that’s true, but it seemed pretty clear that the entire intent of the letter was to position himself as a suck-up to Trump in case Trump wins.

Now there’s a bit more evidence for that. Politico reported that Donald Trump has a new book coming out next week in which he not only blames Mark Zuckerberg for apparently trying to rig the election against him, but also talks about wanting to put Zuckerberg in jail for the rest of his life if he dares do anything to influence this election.

This is ridiculous (and dangerous) on multiple levels. The claim that he helped rig the election is nonsense, based on Zuck’s charity spending a bunch of money on better election infrastructure. As Zuckerberg said in his spineless letter, that was on a non-partisan basis.

The only way spending on secure election infrastructure is biased towards one party is if the other party was planning to abuse insecure voting infrastructure to steal an election. So one way to read this is a Trump admission that Zuckerberg’s effort to make the election more secure foiled his plans to steal it.

Either way, part of Zuckerberg’s attempt to get back in the good graces of Trump was to claim he wouldn’t do that again merely because some people thought it looked biased in one direction.

One of those “some people” appears to be Trump:

Trump writes that Zuckerberg “would come to the Oval Office to see me. He would bring his very nice wife to dinners, be as nice as anyone could be, while always plotting to install shameful Lock Boxes in a true PLOT AGAINST THE PRESIDENT,” Trump added, referring to a $420 million contribution Zuckerberg and his wife, Priscilla Chan, made during the 2020 election to fund election infrastructure.

So, first off, funding election infrastructure is not plotting against the President. I mean, that’s simply unhinged. But then he claims that if it happened again, he’d put Zuckerberg in jail:

“He told me there was nobody like Trump on Facebook. But at the same time, and for whatever reason, steered it against me,” Trump continues. “We are watching him closely, and if he does anything illegal this time he will spend the rest of his life in prison — as will others who cheat in the 2024 Presidential Election.”

The problem with basically all of this is that it’s made-up nonsense, pushed by the MAGA faithful to try to make sure that no one ever calls them on their bullshit.

Facebook did not “steer against” Trump. Multiple studies showed the exact opposite. Reports showed that Facebook actually had a different, more lenient, set of rules for top Republicans because they so frequently violated the policies on the site. Other studies showed that Trumpist content spread better on Facebook, and that the top interactions on Facebook were almost entirely from Trump and friends. Indeed, it was leaked that there were different rules put in place to limit the reach of left-leaning sites.

And the “thanks” that Zuckerberg gets for all that is to be accused of interfering against Trump in the election and being threatened with a vindictive criminal trial.

Zuckerberg was likely aware of this book when he sent the letter earlier this week, which makes that letter so much more pathetic. It’s not even that Zuckerberg can’t stand up to the lies and bullshit framing of Jim Jordan — which is only there to pressure Zuckerberg to again favor Trump & Friends over Democrats — but that Zuckerberg feels the need to do this fake show of groveling to appease Trump, because Trump is so stupid he believes the made up theory that Zuckerberg was against him all this time.

Of course, lots of billionaires support one candidate or another. Elon, obviously, has gone all in for Trump, leading ExTwitter to becoming a non-stop campaign ad for Trump while pushing nonsense conspiracy theories (often pushed by Elon himself) against Harris and Walz.

The hypocrisy is staggering. If Zuckerberg deserves life in prison for supposedly favoring Biden (despite plenty of evidence to the contrary), then by that logic, doesn’t Musk deserve the same for openly turning ExTwitter into a 24/7 Trump propaganda machine? Of course not. In Trump’s world, it’s only a crime when the other side does it. But last I checked, billionaires on both sides of the aisle have the right to free speech and political preferences – even if Zuck is too spineless to stand up for his.

But, really, the timing of Zuck’s letter suggests it was done on purpose to try to get back in Trump’s good graces at the same time this book was coming out. It just reinforces that Zuckerberg is willing to cave to political pressure. And that pressure is from Trump.

At the same time, Trump’s claims in the book suggest this latest pathetic political ploy won’t even work. Imagine being as rich and as powerful as Zuckerberg, and feeling the need to feed a nonsense conspiracy theory, which you know is a nonsense conspiracy theory, just in the hopes that maybe Trump and his crew will stop falsely claiming you rigged the election (another nonsense conspiracy theory).

It’s a masterclass in spinelessness: groveling to appease a conspiracy theory that you yourself know is baseless, all in the vain hope of avoiding the wrath of a vindictive ex-president.

Click here to go see the bonus panel!

Hovertext:
Really, without the heart medication and microplastics you don't get the proper terroire.

Austin has its challenges — rising costs, limited parking, and an ongoing housing crisis (although some of that is changing) — but it remains a progressive haven in the midst of a conservative landscape. Despite the city’s growing pains, there’s a distinctive camaraderie here, where the creation of art has fewer guardrails than in cities that focus more on the primary market. When in Austin, be sure to explore the variety of culture that can be found in the state’s capitol. 

Here are a few events and experiences from Austin this summer that deserve the spotlight:

Tom Hück’s “Electric Baloneyland,” detail

Tom Hück’s “Electric Baloneyland”

Tom Hück’s Electric Baloneyland at Flatbed Center for Contemporary Printmaking, July 13 – August 24, 2024

Tom Hück’s Electric Baloneyland, which showed at Flatbed Center for Contemporary Printmaking through the end of July, is a monumental chiaroscuro woodcut that boldly critiques American culture through grotesque satire. This four-panel composition depicts a chaotic rural county fair, where the focal point is the gruesome capture of a mermaid dressed as Lady Liberty. The sprawling 105.75 x 118-inch print is meticulously detailed, with layers of crosshatching that draw the viewer into a dystopian carnival of buffoonish figures and decapitated “hedz of state,” including Trump, Hitler, and Gaddafi.

Hück’s work is both a technical marvel and a biting political commentary. The stark contrasts of the duotone design — crafted from two plywood blocks, one for middle values and one for blacks — highlight the absurdity and brutality of the scene. As viewers take in the spectacle, they may find themselves questioning whether this dark humor serves as a critique of right-wing populism or merely mirrors its rise. Electric Baloneyland is a visceral reminder of the ongoing degradation of American ideals, executed with Hück’s signature blend of Renaissance-inspired craftsmanship and sharp, satirical wit. The print’s humor may offer catharsis, but its underlying message resonates with the unease of a society in turmoil. 

This work, created over two years from 2016 to 2018, during the tumultuous early years of the Trump presidency, stands as a testament to Hück’s ability to encapsulate the grotesque in American life. Whether viewed as a potent critique or a reflection of our times, Electric Baloneyland is a striking and thought-provoking addition to contemporary printmaking.

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“Lemonade Time,” by Deathcrafts at Games Ya’ll in Austin

“Sun is Dead,” by Glory Game Studio at Games Ya’ll in Austin

Games Ya’ll, organized by the Museum of Human Achievement at RADIO/EAST, July 25, 2024

On a warm July evening, the eclectic crowd at RADIO/EAST, a cozy pub in Austin with food trucks parked outside, gathered for the latest installment of Games Ya’ll. This monthly indie game developer showcase, organized by the Museum of Human Achievement, brings together local and emerging talent, offering a platform for creative expression and community building.

The event, held on July 25, 2024, featured a diverse array of games, from polished projects by student teams to experimental ventures by solo developers. The atmosphere was one of camaraderie and excitement, with developers eager to share their creations and exchange ideas.

One standout was Infinite Library by a team of seven students from Texas A&M University. This puzzle adventure game invites players to step into the shoes of Alex, a librarian navigating the treacherous terrain of the Infinite Library. Armed with Books of Power, players bend the laws of physics to solve puzzles and combat a mysterious Corruption. The game, which won “Best in Game Design” at Texas A&M’s Viz-A-Gogo competition, showcased a level of polish and creativity that impressed attendees.

Luis Garcia’s Sun is Dead from Glory Game Studio offered a different kind of experience. This solo developer has been crafting his survival horror/roguelike game for ten years, and it shows. Set in a world where the sun has vanished, players navigate procedurally generated urban landscapes, battling shadow monsters with a dynamic combat system. The game’s apocalyptic atmosphere and resource management mechanics create a tense, immersive experience that captivated those who tried it.

Not all the projects were traditional games. Asha Jamila Jones presented Research Notebook, a speculative research project that blurs the line between game and interactive art. Using the project management software Notion, Jones explores the relationship between her avatar/alias and a fictional astronomer named Noor, weaving a narrative that invites participants to engage with her ongoing research. Research Notebook highlights Jones’ background in new media and her interest in how the internet shapes our understanding of images and stories.

Lemonade Time, developed by Deathcrafts, a team of four friends from various parts of the country, brought a lighter, more whimsical touch to the showcase. Described humorously by the developers as the “Dark Souls of lemonade-making,” this game challenges players to produce as much lemonade as possible within a time limit, juggling supplies in a style reminiscent of 2000s flash games. Developed in the open-source Godot engine during a self-imposed nine-day game jam, the project was a reminder of the joy of creation amidst the pressures of the industry.

Finally, Kamau Vassall of Moonlit Games brought the flair of the Caribbean to the event with Caribbean Dominoes. This reimagined version of the classic tabletop game features vibrant animations, customizable avatars, and a lively, competitive spirit. Developed in Unity with help from his cousin, who handled the art and animations, the game was a hit among attendees, who enjoyed its blend of tradition and innovation.

Games Ya’ll provides a unique space for developers to share their work, receive feedback, and connect with the community. Whether it’s a local developer debuting a new project or an international submission making its way to Austin, the event is a testament to the creativity and passion driving Austin’s indie game scene.

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Lindsey Schlatter

Tegan Milan, “Livin’ in Harmony,” 2024, multi-media on canvas, 30 x 40 inches

Quarters residency launch at Civil Goat, August 2, 2024

Quarters, coordinated by Lindsey Schlatter, is an innovative pop-up style artist residency in Austin designed to connect local artists with venues across the city to showcase their work. This independent initiative, happening four times a year, aims to bridge the gap between artists and the resources they need, offering residencies in public spaces and partnering businesses. Showing for the inaugural cohort is work of artists Tegan Milan, Danielle Iemola-Devereux, and ZARA, on view at Hyde Park’s coffee shop and restaurant Civil Goat from August 2 to October 25, 2024. 

At the launch party, Lindsey Schlatter emphasizes that Quarters is about accessibility and inclusivity in the art world. “We recognize the exclusivity in the art industry and aim to change it. We believe it should be accessible to everyone and its creators,” Schlatter notes. The initiative provides a platform for artists who are green to exhibiting and do not have gallery representation.

Quarters also fosters a reciprocal relationship between local businesses and artists, providing a way for businesses to engage with the community and support local talent without the high costs typically associated with acquiring art. “It’s literally just putting together what resources people have and making that work,” Schlatter explains. 

Looking ahead, Quarters plans to expand its reach by participating in events like the West Austin Studio Tour and exploring collaborations with nonprofits to support diverse groups, including children’s artistry programs. Schlatter envisions a future where Quarters could secure grants to transform unused public spaces into dynamic art installations, further enriching Austin’s cultural landscape. 

For more information or to submit work, artists can visit Quarters on social media.

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William Sarradet is the Assistant Editor for Glasstire.

The post From Pixels to Prints: Outtakes from Summer 2024 in Austin appeared first on Glasstire.

Special counsel Jack Smith filed another indictment against former President Donald Trump in the federal election interference case, weeks after the Supreme Court granted the former president broad immunity from criminal prosecution. What do you think?

“I’m worried he’ll develop a persecution complex.”

Jeremy Quinn, Risk Forecaster

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“He’s so lucky he gets all these fundraising opportunities.”

Malik Austin, Posture Corrector

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“Jeez, just let the guy commit crimes.”

Liz Petker, Commercial Clairvoyant

The post Trump Faces Revised Election Interference Indictment appeared first on The Onion.

BALTIMORE—Threatening significant legal consequences if the campaign failed to heed its warnings, the Francis Scott Key estate sent a cease-and-desist letter to Donald Trump on Friday that demanded he discontinue use of “The Star-Spangled Banner” at his rallies. “This unauthorized political usage is in clear violation of what Francis stood for and everything his song means,” wrote Kara Winstone-Key, great-great-great-great-great-great granddaughter of the lyricist, poet, and lawyer, casting doubt on whether the former president even knew the meaning of broad stripes and bright stars gallantly waving o’er ramparts. “We’re asking Mr. Trump’s campaign to immediately halt this inappropriate use of our ancestor’s masterwork. Frankly, we did not grant Ms. Harris license to use this song either, nor has the White House ever reached out to broker a deal that would sanction its lengthy history of using ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ to suit its own purposes. This is our final request. If Mr. Trump does not take immediate action, we will see him in court.” The estate went on to warn that it had already been awarded millions from MLB for the sports league’s centuries-long exploitation of the anthem.

The post Francis Scott Key Estate Sends Cease-And-Desist To Trump For Playing ‘Star-Spangled Banner’ At Rally appeared first on The Onion.

Firearms were used to commit 1,799 homicides in Texas in 2023—a devastating human toll. Yet guns purchased in Texas likely contribute to even more homicidal violence south of the border that empowers fentanyl traffickers and pushes more migrants toward the United States. 

Of crime guns recovered in Mexico from 2017 to 2021 (among cases in which gun traces identified a country or U.S. state of origin), more than one of every four (29 percent) was sourced to Texas, according to new data from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives (ATF). 

More than 22,000 gun homicides occur in Mexico each year. With 29 percent of crime guns traced to purchases in Texas, that means 5,500 murders in Mexico likely involved guns from Texas. That’s three to four times as many gun homicides reported annually in the Lone Star State. (Texas had 1,799 homicides committed with firearms last year compared to 1,339 in 2019.) 

In May 2024, more than three years after I submitted a Freedom of Information Act request, the ATF released data on firearms recovered in Mexico, Guatemala, El Salvador, and Honduras and traced to purchases in the United States over an eight-year period. That new data shows 52,541 firearms recovered in Mexico between 2015 and 2022 were traced to a U.S. purchase. The new data reinforces the importance of Texas in the illicit gun pipeline: Of those, more than 40 percent came from Texas. 

A previous leak of gun tracing data also shows that some specific Texas firearms dealers are the source of a large number of crime guns recovered in Mexico. According to data on guns traced from Mexico to the United States in 2019-2020, Primary Arms in Houston sold more than 40 carbine rifles (most of them were Anderson AM-15s) recovered from crime scenes in 2019-2020 alone. 

More than half of firearms traced to Texas from Mexico came from a dozen cities: Houston, San Antonio, Austin, Fort Worth, Dallas, El Paso, McAllen, Laredo, Brownsville, Pharr, Corpus Christi, and Grande Prairie.

Licensed gun dealers in just six zip codes in Texas border towns were the source of nearly three thousand firearms trafficked to Mexico, recovered, and traced to a purchase. Gun dealers in McAllen were the source of more than a thousand crime guns recovered in Mexico from 2015 through 2022; most of the 18 gun dealers in this border town are pawn brokers, but there is also an Academy Sports—and Dynamic Tactical Solutions. Dynamic Tactical Solutions, on its website, states that the Second Amendment is “the only thing standing between freedom and tyranny” and that it seeks the “normalization of gun culture.”

Academy Sports + Outdoors, a chain of sporting goods stores headquartered in Katy, has been identified as a source for many trafficked guns, according to data released on the origins of Mexican guns. The leaked data on guns recovered in Mexico in 2019-2020 and traced to the United States includes 349 firearms purchased at Academy Sports outlets, mostly in Texas. A single Academy Sports store in El Paso, located three blocks from the border with Mexico, was the source of 33 firearms recovered in 2019-2020, including nine carbines in the space of just over a year, according to the leaked data. 

In Uvalde, an 18-year-old purchased two rifles from Oasis Outback in 2022 and less than a week later murdered 19 students and two teachers at Robb Elementary School using the rifles. Uvalde County was also the source of more than 30 firearms recovered in Mexico from 2015 to 2022, per the ATF data.

Zeroed in Armory in Pearland sold eleven .50 caliber Barrett rifles that were trafficked to Mexico and recovered in 2020, the leaked data shows. Fifty-caliber Barrett rifles shoot large rounds accurately for over a mile and have even downed a Mexican police helicopter. Around 60 .50 caliber Barrett rifles recovered in Mexico were traced to a purchase in Texas from 2019-2020, the data shows.

Firearms purchased in Texas and trafficked to Mexico are widespread. Data shows that firearms were purchased in 212 Texas counties before being trafficked to Mexico and recovered as crime guns from 2015-2022, for a total of nearly 22,000 firearms. 

Yet the number of crime guns recovered in Mexico represents only a small portion of the overall number of guns actually trafficked into the country, as with estimates of all types of contraband. The most rigorous study of guns trafficked from the United States to Mexico, a multinational research project called “The Way of the Gun” released by the University of San Diego and the IGARAPÉ Institute in 2013, estimated that 253,000 firearms annually were purchased in the United States with the intent to traffic them to Mexico. 

Mexico itself already limits legal access to firearms. Mexico’s gun production industry is very small, and Mexico-produced guns represent a tiny fraction of guns recovered in the country.

We all have an interest in stopping cross-border firearms traffic. With the new data on the origins in local communities in Texas and elsewhere of guns used in violence in Mexico and beyond, community leaders, elected officials, and firearms dealers have an opportunity to take measures to reduce the illicit gun trafficking of firearms that is strengthening fentanyl producers and accelerating forced displacement and migration.

The post Texas Is Arming Mexico’s Gunmen appeared first on The Texas Observer.

The post Chappell Roan: We Hid In The Alley Behind Her Hotel, Knocked Out A Concierge On His Smoke Break, Stole His Uniform, Used It To Sneak Into The Kitchen, And Hid Inside Her Room Service Trolley, And She Was A Complete, Ungrateful Bitch About It appeared first on The Onion.

Make this fall the best semester ever with NEW student deals on iPad. Buy an iPad for college, and for an indefinite time, get $180,000 in student loan debt.^{1 2 3} Plus, add AirPods to your purchase for a free $150 gift card!

Arrive on campus ready to take on the world with a next-generation iPad and make $180,000 of debt that will last a lifetime. Customize your memory and storage, and even engrave emojis that express your eventual mental collapse under the expectations of your family and the weight of late-stage capitalism.

If you have rich parents, we haven’t forgotten you: this is a perfect opportunity to trade in your current device and get a new one.

Upgrade your iPad with accessories to work off what you owe. Apple Pencil empowers you to draw smut of popular literary and TV characters on commission. Discover your creativity with Apple Pencil before it’s too late and AI makes you obsolete.

Max out your credit with even more Apple Education offers in partnership with your university. Like student housing, which is up to an amazing $7,700 per semester.⁴ Or a sumptuous meal plan that comes with access to twenty-five on-campus dining options and a system we made up called “EduPoints” at a one-time monthly fee of $2,500.^{5 6}

Enjoy an exclusive 20 percent off AppleCare+, which you’ll be glad you paid for when your roommate barfs into your backpack instead of the trash can at three forty-five in the morning.

iPad is made for learning. Blind students in the rows behind you with a quantum-AMOLED screen, and exhibit your true slay with six gorgeous colors. It’s the perfect tool for note-taking,⁷ sharing files,⁸ and chatting with friends.⁹

iPad’s new titanium exterior is built to last through college and beyond.¹⁰ Stay ready for anything: you’ll need a graduate degree, medical school, and maybe even a PhD to secure a job in today’s economy.

Back-to-school deals come around once a year, but the chance to watch your university’s over-armed security assault student protesters is once-in-a-lifetime.

And now, you can record it—with iPad!

¹ Interest not included. Calculated based on the estimated cost of tuition for four years, not including summer semesters you might have to take if a class isn’t offered, due to an interdepartmental error.

² Lifetime interest of loan calculated based on current estimates: $440,000.

³ Apple Education pricing is only available to students, recently admitted students, teachers, and the parents who are still supporting all of them.

⁴ You will not be able to choose your housing. Want to select your roommate in advance? You must both submit forms to your university in February (before admission). Your school reserves the right to reject roommate pairings based on star sign compatibility.

⁵ Monthly plan covers 1,432 EduPoints. Would it have been easier to make EduPoints equivalent to dollars? Sure. But honestly, you had to get at least a 700 on the Math SAT anyway, so… figure it out. EduPoints roll over from spring semester to summer term, and from summer term to fall semester, but not from fall semester to spring semester.

⁶ Winter trimester does not utilize EduPoints.

⁷ Watching Fortnite streams on Twitch during a 250-person lecture.

⁸ Important Google Sheet about Rush that Safiya got from a sophomore, but do NOT share it with anyone else—we already have way too many people on there.

⁹ Group chats about the TA who works out. Is he mewing right now? No, guys, don’t ALL look.

¹⁰ Based on the last four years, the chance you’ll actually have a commencement ceremony is 50 percent. Congratulations, future graduate!

On occasion of the upcoming sixth edition of Prospect, the triennial art exhibition held across the city, Glasstire talked with Prospect New Orleans’s Executive Director, Nick Stillman, and its Susan Brennan Co-Artistic Directors, Miranda Lash and Ebony G. Patterson, about the exhibition’s history, what to expect from the forthcoming show, and how the event incorporates local communities. 

Glasstire (GT): To start off, can you tell us a bit about Prospect’s history? It has been around since 2008 (it was conceptualized in 2006, right?), and its history is deeply intertwined with the spirit and culture of the city. 

Nick Stillman (NS): Prospect formalized as an organization in 2007 and Prospect.1 opened in 2008. It’s important to remember that Hurricane Katrina happened in 2005; in 2007, New Orleans was still reeling economically and still under duress. Dan Cameron, the founder, had just curated the 2006 Taipei Biennial and had been coming to New Orleans for years. He had developed a close and influential network in New Orleans and, incredibly, launched what was then a biennial in the city. We’ve since become a triennial, and Prospect is now the longest-running North American ’ennial of its kind (i.e. spread across the city in many venues). 

I also think it’s fair to say that what New Orleans needed from Prospect in 2008 is not what it needs from Prospect now. That moment called for magic, because magic demands to be seen, and New Orleans needed witnesses. It needed support, and it needed to offer proof of the manmade devastation. Now, as we’ve evolved, we need to prove to residents that we’re for real. That we’re serious about our commitment to artists and the city and invested deeply in the local while also remaining invested in producing an ambitious triennial of artists from around the world. 

EJ Hill, “Rises in the East,” 2021, multimedia installation, dimensions variable. Installation view: Prospect.5: “Yesterday we said tomorrow,” 2021 – 22. Joe W. Brown Park, New Orleans. Courtesy Prospect New Orleans. Photo: Jonathan Traviesa

GT: What should we expect for the forthcoming sixth iteration of the triennial? Can you talk some about the themes, the curatorial premise, and how the show will fit into what’s going on in art nationally and internationally? 

NS: I’ll let Ebony and Miranda discuss the curatorial premise, but would love to address how this Prospect aligns with broader art subcultures in the current moment. For obvious reasons, I see a lot of bi and triennials. I have to! This is fun and brings me to interesting places, but it’s also homework. Much like we’ve seen from recent megashows (especially the most recent Documenta), Prospect.6 (P.6) will be an exhibition that forces artists to reckon with the local context (environment, politics) in the making of the work. When a show exists almost completely of newly commissioned work, you can’t generalize until it’s actual, but I’m seeing the theme of precarity waft through much of this work: the physical body, the economic reality, the loss of land. This will take many forms, of course, but when we look back at Prospect.6, I think we’ll remember the precarity of the moment and how the work poetically addressed it. 

Miranda Lash (ML): First and foremost, you can expect to see a great deal of ambitious work made specifically for this occasion! We wanted to showcase the forefront of artists’ practices and leaned heavily into the creation of new work. There are 42 new commissions in this iteration. Much of what will manifest in P.6 is the production of years of conversations with artists as they experimented and worked through the creation of responsive and nuanced work and presentations. 

Hannah Chalew, “Bottomland Chimera,” 2023, metal, sugarcane, disposable plastic waste, lime, recycled paint, paper made from sugarcane combined with shredded disposable plastic waste (“plasticane”), ink made from brick, copper, goldenrod, fossil fuel pollution, indigo, oak gall, and sheetrock, soil, living plants, 90 x 115 x 85 inches. Image courtesy of the artist

The title, Prospect.6: The Future is Present, the Harbinger is Home, speaks to the ways different regions of the world, including New Orleans, are living “in the future,” in that they have been experiencing the effects of climate change and deep historical reckonings in profound ways for quite some time. New Orleans offers a signal to us of what is to come, and how life can be lived fully within this context. You often hear the phrase in the U.S. that “there’s no place like New Orleans.” While it is true that no place matches New Orleans’ layered musical, culinary, and cultural histories, it was important to us that that we reposition the narrative around New Orleans not as an “outlier city,” but rather as a reflection of the global majority: the eighty or more percent of world’s population that identifies as being of Indigenous, African, Asian, Latin American, and multi-racial descent. 

Some of the recurring themes that manifest in this iteration are the tensions between our very human connections to home, family, and community, and the winds of change and precarity due to political, economic, or ecological forces that compel us to migrate or redefine our relationship to home. Some artists articulate the desire for a repaired relationship with nature or with specific communities, whereas others see Prospect as an opportunity to illuminate stories that were historically suppressed or otherwise unable to surface until this current moment. Many artists address difficult subject matter, yet a great deal of hope also comes through in many of their projects. These expressions of hard-fought joy in many ways mirror the spirit of the city itself. Will the public accept or desire this tone? We’re opening on the eve of a heated presidential election, so we’ll certainly find out. 

Joiri Minaya, “Container #4,” 2020, 40 x 60 inches. Image courtesy of the artist

Ebony G. Patterson (EGP): Prospect often boasts that it is an international triennial. We thought it was incredibly important to live up to this mandate, but to do it in a way that reflects the histories of the city. We were also concerned with the questions about what it means to work from a place vs. at a place. What it means to also acknowledge practicing artists whose countries had historic roots in Louisiana, but also artists whose practices had resonance with the evolving dialogue that Miranda and I were unpacking from so many of our conversations. We thought it important to broker and challenge the notion of exceptionalism, which can be detrimental, while also asking artists to wrestle with what it may mean to think about all of these places as being already in the future. What would it mean for us to convene in a place and have a conversation that is already ahead… in the future.

GT: Which projects are you all most excited about?

NS: I’m not taking the bait! I love all of our projects. 

ML: I agree with Nick — we feel attached and indebted to all our artists. The public artworks at places like Harmony Circle and the New Orleans African American Museum are important touchstones for us, but there are also many carefully crafted moments of contemplation in the galleries. Painting, sculpture, and video loom large in this iteration.

The scholar in me also has to plug the robust catalog we’re creating with Phaidon, which has sixty-two authors: an incredible assembly of artists, poets, and art historians from New Orleans and throughout the world. It will include installation images from P.6, and hence will arrive in spring 2025. 

EGP: I am in a unique position as a practicing artist working to help and support the vision of this cohort. It’s an incredible responsibility. But also an incredible gift and privilege to learn from colleagues. So many do not understand what it means to be an artist; what it takes to make and what it means to commit to practice. The audience comes and sees the culmination of years of thinking. A moment in a much larger endeavor. To witness each artist find their foothold, their stride, has been the best part of the journey. We asked each artist at the beginning of this journey to think about what it would mean to make their most ambitious work. And everyone has challenged us right back! 

Sharon Hayes, “If we had had,” 2021, 7-channel HD color video, with sound, 60 minutes. Installation view: Prospect.5: “Yesterday we said tomorrow,” 2021–22. 3162 Dauphine Street, New Orleans. Photo: Jose Cotto

GT: The exhibition always finds unique ways to engage the sprawl of the city and your various partner venues — how is this happening in the 2024-2025 exhibition? 

NS: We’re literally spread between the furthest stretches of the city this time. There are moments where people express frustration to me about how diffuse Prospect can be, and those people will have even more to say to me now! But I push back against that: Prospect is not meant to be a convenient experience that can be checked off in 48 hours. We invested our lives into this show for three years. I think it’s fair to ask visitors to invest themselves in something experiential, vast, and new. That’s what it will feel like to visit some of the further-out venues like the Ford Motor Plant on the border of the Lower Ninth Ward and Arabi, or the former LP&L Building in Algiers. 

ML: One of the most exciting mandates of Prospect is to “show New Orleans to New Orleanians.” This means we faced the challenge of finding spaces that have never been used in previous iterations, that New Orleanians might not encounter on their own. In choosing our sites we wanted to combine familiar favorites with special lesser-known spots. We arranged “hubs” of venues around the Central Business District, Treme, and Saint Claude Avenue, but as Nick mentioned, we are also including more far flung spaces like the Ford Motor Plant (where we’re showing twelve artists) and the shore of the Mississippi River along the Batture by Audubon Park. Our mission of serving the city by necessity requires some sprawl if we want to make art free and accessible for different neighborhoods. That said, New Orleans is a relatively compact city. We have 22 venues, but none are more than 20 minutes by car from the French Quarter.

For every artist in P.6, we embarked on a matchmaking process of aligning the artists’ concepts with the mission, function, or history of the venues. Some artists were drawn to the educational mandate of schools and universities, which is why we’re thrilled to partner with Xavier, UNO, and Tulane. Other artists engage with specific and at times charged histories, which has translated into some large-scale public art projects that respond to a site. By the way, it’s a rare privilege as a curator to allow an artist’s practice to dictate how a site is chosen and not the other way around! 

EGP: But none of this was easy. Each edition of Prospect begins the negotiations again. Even with longtime institutional collaborators. But this is one of the wonders for each Prospect, while Miranda reminds us that Prospect’s mandate is to show New Orleans to Orleanians. It’s also wondrous for us, before the artists, venues, and themes are revealed to the public. We as a team get the chance to do this; to meet old friends, discuss new ideas, to make new friends and show them what’s possible when we work and imagine together. And this is what’s at the heart of working in New Orleans. Nothing is possible without collaboration, and nothing is possible if people do not feel like they own this too!

L. Kasimu Harris, “Big Chief Peppy, Estabon Eugene, at Big Man Lounge, A Young Men Olympian Sunday,” 2021. Image courtesy of the artist

GT: Can you all talk a bit about Prospect’s history with and connection to Texas? Nick, you currently live in Austin, and it seems that the triennial’s past presentations have normally included either Texas-based or Texas-adjacent artists.

NS: Prospect absolutely is an international exhibition, and yet we also strive to amplify artists living and working in communities proximate to us. The great Mel Chin, a Houstonian, is a Prospect.6 artist, and we’ve had projects by several fantastic Texas artists in former Prospect exhibitions: Margarita Cabrera, Adriana Corral, Jamal Cyrus, Trenton Doyle Hancock, Otabenga Jones and Associates, Stephen Rhodes, Dario Robleto, and Kay Rosen.

GT: I know initiatives like Prospect aren’t easy to put on, and are also a group effort. On that note, you all have a gala (the sole fundraising event Prospect hosts every three years) coming up on November 1. How is that event shaping up, and what should people know about it? 

NS: I reiterate: this is the lone fundraising event we host every three years! So please attend generously, because the revenue it produces is important. It’s also one hell of a party. It’s one of those art world moments when people come together and feel truly celebratory and let their hair down a little.

GT: The gala has a bevy of honorees too; have they been involved in Prospect in the past? 

NS: All are very important to the organization’s history and present. Ron Bechet was a Prospect.5 artist and his professorship and work at Xavier University has led to many partnerships over the years. Arthur Roger worked with Dan Cameron on the founding of Prospect, has represented several artists who have been in the show, and has been steadfastly supportive throughout the organization’s many chapters. Dr. Krista Thompson is a great scholar whose thinking and work has been especially influential to Ebony & Miranda. Dr. Joy Simmons is a significant collector of several former and current Prospect artists and has attended every Prospect; she sees around corners like we aspire to. And Nari Ward has been a Prospect artist twice, is a former board member, and is currently producing a limited edition work to benefit us. 

Kevin Beasley, 2021 – 22. Installation view: Prospect.5: “Yesterday we said tomorrow,” 2021 – 22. Contemporary Arts Center, New Orleans. Courtesy Prospect New Orleans. Photo: Alex Marks

GT: What haven’t we asked that our readers should know about? Either about the exhibition itself, about Prospect as an organization, or about anything you all have coming up? 

NS: I’ll use my space to argue for the value of the ’ennial model. When we work with an artist, they almost invariably produce a work they never would have otherwise, both because of the long-form nature of the engagement and because of the influence of the city itself and the relationships developed between the start and the finish. And what better place to do this work than New Orleans, a city that forces people to think creatively, politically, and poetically?

ML: We have a powerhouse lineup of events in store for the opening and closing weekends, including newly commissioned artist performances, live music, art activations, and festivities. Opening weekend coincides with Halloween (October 30 – November 3) and Closing Weekend (January 31- February 2) overlaps with Tết, the Vietnamese New Year and fiftieth anniversary of the establishment of Little Saigon in New Orleans. There will be great programming throughout the run, therefore plenty of occasions to join us!

EGP: Prospect 6 belongs to New Orleans first before it belongs to anyone else. Come out! Take up space! It’s yours!

Prospect.6: The Future Is Present, The Harbinger Is Home will be on view at various venues across New Orleans, Louisiana from November 4, 2024 to February 2, 2025. To learn more about this forthcoming iteration of the triennial, go here.

The post [Sponsored] Interview: Prospect New Orleans Takes a Long View in Prospect.6: “The Future Is Present, The Harbinger Is Home” appeared first on Glasstire.

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. A man at our events makes other attendees uncomfortable

I’m on a planning committee for an event involving a fandom generally beloved by mostly women, often mothers and daughters. This event is spread over a few days and involves speakers, tours of book/filming sites, etc.

There’s a middle-aged man, Alex, who is a fan and has attended previous in person and virtual events (where I was not on the planning committee). Alex is passionate about this IP, which is great, but he tends to monopolize the attention of a few of the attendees. When one would gently but firmly say, “I’d like to stop talking now and enjoy the tour, Alex,” he would move to another and so on.

Additionally, at past events, the committee has gotten verbal and written feedback that Alex made some people uncomfortable, mainly by approaching their daughters to talk about this IP and other similar ones. Absolutely nothing untoward happened and all the children were with their mothers, but the girls involved didn’t wish to engage in conversation and their mothers had a hard time ending the conversations with Alex.

Alex was also removed from a social media group for this IP, for continuing to call and text a member, Joyce, after she asked him not to, and then mailing things to her home as apologies for upsetting her. This social media group isn’t officially part of the event, but Joyce will be there as a speaker. Alex has attended other, virtual events since then and has behaved appropriately and not interacted with Joyce.

Alex is neurodivergent, and his difficulties with communication, social cues, and rejection are absolutely part of his disability. It’s worth noting that while he clearly has higher support needs in terms of interpersonal skills, he has low support needs in his high-level career. The other planning committee members and I are struggling to figure out how to best handle this. We want Alex to be able to have a good time without impeding on other attendees’ boundaries. (As an aside, I only mention Alex’s neurodivergence as background that he processes the world differently than neurotypical adults. We have other neurodivergent folks attending and on the planning committee, and we’re trying to be as inclusive as we can.)

Past committees chose to rotate time buddying up with him to try and smooth these experiences, but that’s not something this committee is able to do. Should we quietly look for volunteers to keep Alex company? That might be our solution, but it also feels like we’d be imposing on people who are paying for this event to ask them to give up their focus on the event to engage Alex. Are we able to request that he only attend virtually instead of in person? I’d love any advice on how to proceed with being sensitive, respectful, and maintaining everyone’s boundaries while not being infantilizing or rude to Alex.

Can you just be straightforward with Alex? “We’re looking forward to seeing you at X! We want to share some feedback from previous events to help ensure everyone has a good experience. At previous events, some attendees felt you crossed boundaries by approaching kids who didn’t want to talk with an adult they didn’t know and by keeping people in conversation when they wanted to focus on the event. We are happy to welcome you back this year but ask that you not approach kids you don’t know, and be mindful that while adult attendees may enjoy a brief (five minutes or so) chat, most will prefer to return their focus to the event. We look forward to seeing you and hope you have a great time.”

It might sting, but it’s kinder to clearly spell out what he needs to do if he wants to be welcomed back in the future. You also have the option of asking him to only attend virtually, but you could give this a try first and see if it solves the problem.

Related:
telling a member that his behavior at our events is ruining it for everyone else

2. Acceptable beverages on video calls

I have a very low stakes question that I find myself overthinking in a new role. What are the generally accepted beverages and/or containers to drink out of on calls?

I would assume water bottles are fine, coffee mugs, coffee tumblers, etc., but I recently found myself thinking about things like cans of kombucha that might look like beer, a green juice with a straw, soda, that kind of thing.

My job is casual enough that it definitely doesn’t matter internally, but there’s something about seeing myself using a straw on camera that makes me feel like a toddler.

If it looks like beer, pour it in non-clear glass. Otherwise, any of those are fine, including straws! (Assuming it’s a standard straw and not, like, a Krazy Straw.)

The exception is if the meeting or your industry requires an especially high degree of polish. For example, I wouldn’t bring a soda can with a straw to a meeting with a VIP client for the first time — although it’s hard to defend why and, like so many things, it’s about cultural connotations around those items rather than any real reason.

Related:
does it look unprofessional to have an energy drink at my desk every day?

3. Management scheduled a team-building workshop to fix our bad manager

I’m part of a small team in a government agency. The team lead is my skip-level boss, Julie. Our team and our larger agency have gone through a bit of turmoil and employee tension in the past few years. There were a lot of factors, both in and out of our control, that contributed, but the main one was Julie. She has poor communication skills, is disorganized, and doesn’t seem to understand much of the work we do but refuses to admit it. This is especially a problem because our team is responsible for making sure the agency is in compliance with certain laws, so we are breaking the law if we don’t do our jobs correctly.

For years, upper management has ignored the problems with Julie, until this year when one of my coworkers reported the lack of compliance to the appropriate authorities. Upper management is now showing some interest in addressing the situation by asking us to attend a three-day-long workshop to “rebuild our working relationships.” We all anticipate that this will be a long and awkward “team-building” event that will do absolutely nothing to address the serious management issues we’re having, but will make our lives harder by interrupting our actual work.

Is it worth going to upper management as a team and telling them that we don’t think this workshop is a good use of our time, and that they should focus their energy on actually managing Julie? I don’t personally have a lot of confidence that management will actually listen to us.

You can try. The problem, of course, is that the same incompetence (and/or lack of care) that has allowed them to bury their heads in the sand about Julie up until now is the same incompetence that now makes them think a workshop on “rebuilding relationships” will somehow address it. Either they’re truly inept enough to think that’s an appropriate response, or they don’t actually care about resolving the issues and just want to be able to say they’ve done something. (However, this such a ludicrously bad attempt at “something” and so unlikely to fly with anyone exercising any real oversight that I’ve got to think incompetence is at least one of the factors in play.)

That said, it sounds like they were moved to action after the initial report, so it’s possible that applying additional pressure will move them a little more. So I say give it a try; tell them you’re happy they want to address the problems, but the workshop has nothing to do with what the issues are. Just keep your hopes low.

4. Porn Hub sticker on laptop

I work at a community college. One of my colleagues has a student in her class with a Porn Hub sticker on her laptop. We’re just curious if and how you would address this with a student?

In college? I’d leave it alone. If she doesn’t have the sense to realize not to do that once she’s at work, she’ll be informed pretty quickly.

This assumes the sticker is just words and not, say, an X-rated photo. If it were that, you’d need to tell her to stop exposing unconsenting classmates to it.

WASHINGTON—Caught red-handed after a night on the town with a car he had been trying to keep secret, Pete Buttigieg attempted to sneak into his D.C. apartment at approximately 12:30 a.m. Friday, according to sources close to the transportation secretary and his spouse. “Are you fucking kidding me? First you don’t show up for dinner, and now you slink back here with some trollop of a Ford’s tire marks all over you?” said husband Chasten Buttigieg, who added that no, he would not calm down, considering that he didn’t even own a tire with treads that looked like that. “You told me I had nothing to worry about when I searched your phone and found photos of that convertible with its top off. Well, I guess I finally know what all those charges at AutoZone were for. Ugh, I can still smell its exhaust on you, you fucking pig.” At press time, the former South Bend, IN mayor had reportedly only gotten himself into more trouble after telling Chasten his attraction to the Mustang GT500 coupe was merely physical and that what had happened in that parking lot meant nothing to him.

The post Pete Buttigieg Sneaks In After Midnight With Tire Tracks On Collar appeared first on The Onion.

ARLINGTON, TX—After engaging a trip wire when they reached the doors of the medical facility, dozens of pregnant women remained hanging in a snare net above the entrance to Texas Health Arlington Memorial Hospital, sources confirmed Friday. “They keep saying they aren’t here for abortions, but we can’t be too careful,” said ob-gyn Dr. Otto Sayer, pulling a rope to raise a metal cage each time he spotted a woman who appeared to be pregnant and in agony approaching the hospital doors. “It’s not personal. My colleagues and I face up to 99 years in prison if convicted of performing an illegal abortion, so the only way to ensure our freedom is to set up a series of booby traps to prevent anyone pregnant from stepping foot on the property. At first, we just had a security guard turning them away, but after the total ban on abortion procedures and pills was enacted, the numbers of at-risk patients became so great we had to board up the doors and focus on building our defenses. Once their babies are born, we’ll cut the women down from those nets and let them inside. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to start my moat-digging shift.” At press time, Texas doctors had reportedly begun trapping themselves at the bottoms of wells so they could retain plausible deniability if accused of assisting a pregnant person in need. 

The post Dozens Of Pregnant Women Caught In Hanging Snare Nets Above Texas Hospital Entrance appeared first on The Onion.

With the loneliness epidemic impacting millions of Americans, book clubs offer a simple and structured way for readers of all ages to socialize. The Onion shares tips for starting your own book club. 

• Seek out fellow readers by blackmailing a librarian into giving up names.
• Choose the day of the month that works best for everyone to cancel on.
• Make sure you have a good mix of people who will keep the book discussion going and people you actually like.
• Select one of three books not banned by your state. 
• Establish a rotation order for club members to take turns shooting down each other’s book suggestions.
• Bookmark the Dictionary.com page for “glib” for easy future reference.
• Challenge your club with a book written in an ancient, untranslatable language.
• Establish independent election monitors to maintain legitimacy of the book selection process.
• Spend five to six years seeking your doctorate in comparative literature so you can absolutely smoke your friends with your opinion on A Court Of Thorns And Roses.
• Keep your meetings on topic by dressing in an intimidating leather outfit and occasionally cracking your knuckles. 
• Make sure that everyone is hitting their page goals by administering regular pop quizzes, a midterm, and a final. 
• Spread the hosting duties around so that, a few months from now, you can easily shed yourself of this albatross of a social commitment once and for all.

The post Tips For Starting A Book Club appeared first on The Onion.

The post Study Links Brief Spike In Happiness To Little Bubbles Floating Off Dish Soap Bottle appeared first on The Onion.

CHICAGO—Confirming the impressive but limited scope of the birds’ cognitive abilities, a study published Thursday by the University of Chicago found that crows were intelligent enough to steal trinkets, but foolish enough to think that material goods would solve their problems. “Our data indicates that corvids display the reasoning skills necessary to pilfer and collect shiny tchotchkes, but they are not so wise as to realize that accumulating physical items will never bring true happiness,” said lead researcher Timothy Goetz, noting that while his team had documented dozens of crows identifying and selecting objects of perceived value, fewer than one in 100 demonstrated the capacity to look inward and feel content with what it already had. “Despite showing a rudimentary understanding of barter and gift exchange, which places them among the most intelligent birds on the planet, crows are still incapable of understanding that the bottle caps, key chains, and loose pieces of foil they bring back to their nest will never fill the void within them. They simply lack the complex decision-making skills that would allow them to embark on the journey of self-discovery that would improve their self-worth as crows.” Goertz revealed that their findings had also indicated several species of crow were capable of mimicking human speech without understanding that sometimes it’s best to just sit back and listen.

The post Study: Crows Intelligent Enough To Steal Trinkets, But Foolish Enough To Think Material Goods Will Solve Problems appeared first on The Onion.

The mosquito-borne virus eastern equine encephalitis, also known as triple E, has led to voluntary lockdowns in multiple Massachusetts towns. The Onion answers all the important questions you have regarding the potentially deadly virus threatening the Northeast. 

Q: Is this like another Covid?
A: No, every virus and pathogen is beautiful in its own way.

Q: How does it spread?
A: Through mosquito bites. Yes, just like the one you have on your ankle right now. 

Q: What are its symptoms?
A: Mild itching around the bite, then a whole slew of god-awful neurological issues.

Q: Who is most at risk?
A: Those whom God has marked for death. 

Q: Can the virus spread human-to-human?
A: Not yet, but America never backs down from a challenge.

Q: Is this that thing Mom was freaking out about?
A: No, that was mpox.

Q: Isn’t triple E technically an alphavirus?
A: Stop asking questions just to prove you know things.

Q: How can I protect myself from triple E?
A: If you see a mosquito, get loud and make yourself big to intimidate it. 

Q: But what about all the good mosquitoes do for us?
A: That’s what makes this all so hard.

Q: Are there any other new ways to die on the horizon?
A: Let’s just say the hostile, entropic universe is cooking up a thing or two.

The post What To Know About Triple E Mosquito Virus appeared first on The Onion.

The post Therapist Takes Big Swing Calling Client’s Ex A Bitch appeared first on The Onion.

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Admitting that he had heard the phrase before but was unclear as to its exact meaning, local husband Brad Moff, 35, reportedly asked his wife Thursday if an ectopic pregnancy was a good thing. “Wait, so does that mean that I, like, super-fertilized the eggs?” said Moff, querying his partner, Sarah, as to whether the unfamiliar term meant that the pregnancy was somehow fancier or more expensive than it would be otherwise. “I don’t think ‘ectopic’ is the one where they cut you open, because they don’t decide that until later. Hmm…the ‘ecto’ part is making me think of ectoplasm, so are you saying that our baby is going to be a Ghostbuster? That sounds like great news!” At press time, Moff expressed concern after hearing that his partner was evidently infested with something called fallopian tubes. 

The post Husband Asks If Ectopic Pregnancy Good Thing appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Bemoaning the terrible course conditions he encountered while visiting the military burial site, Donald Trump called out Arlington National Cemetery on Thursday for its hazard-filled fairways. “I’ve played at amazing golf courses all over the world—like Augusta, Pinehurst, and Pebble Beach—and let me tell you, Arlington National Cemetery was the worst 18 holes I’ve ever played,” said the 45th president of the United States, adding that service was terrible at the 639-acre memorial, from the rude and overbearing guards, to the messy gravestones littered everywhere, to the distracting spectators who kept kneeling down and praying. “Immediately after I teed off, I had no idea where the holes were, my golf cart started sucking up wreaths, and my ball got caught in this huge trap called the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Plus, it was impossible to order a lemonade or a BLT. The waitress I called over just started sobbing.” At press time, Trump added that this was exactly why he preferred playing at Trump golf courses, where there was only one grave and it belonged to his late ex-wife.

The post Trump Calls Out Arlington National Cemetery For Hazard-Filled Fairways appeared first on The Onion.

With Joe Biden stepping aside from the 2024 presidential race, the Democratic Party has put its money, manpower, and fate in the hands of Kamala Harris. The Onion sat down with the vice president to discuss her political career, her whirlwind nomination, and her vision for the future of the United States of America.

The Onion: What is your favorite book? 
Kamala Harris: If I don’t say Becoming, Michelle will pull her endorsement. But really it’s The Audacity Of Hope.

Is Joe Biden nice in real life? 
I don’t know, I’ve never met him.

What is it like being the first presidential candidate to have dated Montel Williams? 
Actually, I’m the third presidential candidate to have dated Montel Williams, after James Madison and Woodrow Wilson.

Do you feel pressure running against Donald Trump? 
No, because no matter who wins, a Howard University alumna will be president.

How do you plan to appeal to white, working-class voters? 
By promising to destroy their way of life and usher in a new era of mixed-race dominance, of course.

We made way too much chicken vesuvio. Do you want to take some home? 
Sure. I keep Tupperware in my purse for precisely this reason.

What is your plan for stabilizing the conflict between Israel and Palestine? 
I have an amazing idea that will 100% work, but I’m not going to give it to you for free right now. You have to elect me to get the plan.

What are your views on the death penalty? 
If you keep sticking your nose in places it doesn’t belong, you’re gonna find out.

Do you miss California? 
Chah, brah. But I’m hella stoked on the White House.

Who will you be voting for this November? 
Donald J. Trump. I just don’t think a woman should be president. Sorry!

The post Exclusive Interview With Kamala Harris appeared first on The Onion.